Fun NBA quotes

"We can never not think we can't win."

— Amare Stoudemire

"I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the Klan."

— Charles Barkley

"That one is for all the suburban Dads out there. I might release a DVD of that."

— Shane Battier after his first dunk for four years

"Turkey is a great city."

— Rudy Gay, twice

"Was there a lockout? I don't know, I wasn't even watching the news."

— Stephen Jackson

"We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic."

— Charles Barkley

"He can't get depressed, he plays for the Knicks."

— Charles Barkley on Nate Robinson's dunk contest misses

"We're going to be exciting. Of course, it was exciting when the Titanic went down."

— Bob Weiss about the 1992 Atlanta Hawks

"I been on the toilet all night, my butt crack feels like it has sun burn."

— Evan Turner

"Ball."

— Hedo Turkoglu

"Once he goes against the men, they're going to beat his butt and make him cry."

— Charley Rosen about LeBron James

"I'm one of the best shooters in the league and I know that for a fact."

— Marcus Morris

"I feel good to be back to my non-athletic self."

— Shane Battier

"We were so bad that one night someone broke into our box office and returned four season tickets."

— Johnny Red Kerr

"My hair is a representation of the struggle we've had."

— DeAndre Jordan

"I leave a presence when I walk off."

— Nick Young

"I contacted the Clippers about medical coverage and they said [prostate cancer] surgery wouldn't be covered. [T]hey said if they did it for one person, they'd have to do for everybody else."

— Kim Hughes, former coach

"Who wants to sex Mutombo?"

— Dikembe Mutombo walking into a party at college

"I left the Forum and drove off in my Rolls that night thinking one thought - that [Paul] Westhead must die."

— Spencer Haywood, reflecting on the day he hired the Mafia to put a hit on his head coach

"I spent money, I slept with women around the league, but I always kept my mind on the game."

— Dennis Rodman

"I've never taken medication [to control my moods] in my life. Doctors have suggested it and I say, 'OK, give it to me.' But I throw it in the garbage immediately."

— Ron Artest

"It hasn't changed me at all. Obviously I won't go in the stands again, but I'm the same person."

— Stephen Jackson

"Yell at him daily."

— Tom Thibodeau, when asked how he ensures an injured Zach LaVine still feels like a part of the team

"Everything Dennis Rodman does is either planned or unplanned."

— Dennis Rodman

"Both teams played hard."

— Rasheed Wallace's answer to every question in a post game interview

"You know, they want me to get traded now because things are getting good. Same things that happened at every other team I was on."

— Stephon Marbury

"The ghosts were all over me. I just accepted it. They touched me all over the place. I'm taking one of the ghosts to court for touching me in the wrong places."

— Metta World Peace

"Danny Ferry is just a tremendous player."

— Bill Walton

"Vowels and consonants ain't all they're cracked up to be."

— Josh Howard

"in college, your per-diem is only about $5 so you end up eating McDonalds most of the time, but in the NBA the per-diem is like $100, so you can go someplace fancy, like Red Lobster."

— Popeye Jones

"We don't pray after a game. That's too late."

— Abe Lemons

"Just underneath the ground.....BAM. Carrots. Albuquerque."

— Delonte West describing a typical day for Bugs Bunny

"ANYTHING IS POSSIBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

— Kevin Garnett

"All the guys in the locker room will give me a hard time and call me Robin Thicke or call me Justin Bieber. I take it as a compliment."

— Chandler Parsons

"I didn't hear him. I wasn't going to listen to him anyways."

— Steve Nash after taking a quick shot Mike D'Antoni didn't want

"This is an unbelievable venture for myself. This is great, also for the kids."

— LeBron James after donating to a Boys And Girls club

"He's white normally, but he's really white now."

— Larry Brown on Keith Van Horn being sick

"We're shooting 100% - 60% from the field and 40% from the free-throw line."

— Norm Stewart

"Chris Broussard: "Paul, did you call 'bank'?" Paul Pierce: "I called game.""

— Chris Broussard and Paul Pierce

"It would be almost physically impossible for it to go up."

— Stan Van Gundy when asked about his trying to lose weight

"I have a '27 years without getting arrested' streak, so I wanna keep that up. Maybe texting people back quicker. Stop lying about not seeing people’s text messages. That would help."

— Evan Turner when asked about New Year's Resolutions.

"Like Hamlet. It was a suspense thriller, and I killed them at the end.”

— Quentin Richardson after a game winner

"VIKING LOVE!!!"

— Steve Nash shouting nonsense in a pre-game huddle

"If he dies, he dies."

— Timofey Mozgov after Kevin Love sustaned an eye injury

"He's not bad."

— Ron Artest on Carmelo Anthony

"I needed a rest anyway."

— Andrew Bogut after getting ejected from a summer league game

"I made it in my head a long time ago."

— Chris Bosh when asked about his chances of making the All-Star team

"Scarlett johanneson, I will drink ur bath water"

— Kevin Durant on Twitter

"I'm telling you, Darko [Milicic] is a Serbian gangster. Darko's got some bodies back there. He can go psycho on guys."

— Rasheed Wallace

"San Diego is beautiful. And the people are beautiful. Everything's beautiful. Even the bums are beautiful. When they panhandle, they hold out a piece of Tiffany glassware for donations."

— Rick Majerus

"I'm like the Splash Brother who just got out of the pen."

— Nick Young after joining the Warriors

"Except for offense, defense, rebounding, and turnovers, we had a good game."

— Bob Weiss

"We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors."

— Weldon Drew

"Loose ball foul on whatever the hell his name is."

— Joey Crawford calling a foul on Stojko Vrankovic

"Once or twice a year after shoot-around on the road we will empty the entire ball rack by either throwing or punting each ball into the stands, then make the rookies climb the steps all around the arena to get each ball. I’m not sure why, but I really like doing that."

— Nick Collison

"All I wanted to do was not get dunked on. Well, that lasted about three seconds."

— Nate Huffman on facing Shaq for the first time

"Purchase them at the ticket office or flirt with someone who works at the Garden and finesse your way to courtside."

— Evan Turner on how to get good tickets

"I don't hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime."

— Charles Barkley

"They don't pay players to play defense. There's only two people historically that play defense."

— Jabari Parker

"I started wearing glasses last season but they're only for basketball games and dirty movies."

— Rick Majerus

"I keep asking to be invited to the dance tryouts but no one ever allows me there. I'll just say this: My general philosophy is that you can teach them to dance."

— Daryl Morey

"If they want to turn me into the Jordan crying face, it's fine."

— C.J. McCollum

"People think this is tough. I ain't gonna tell 'em any different."

— Doug Moe

"One year, we had six guys in jail. Not together, because that would have meant teamwork."

— Jon Spoelstra, former Nets president

Reporter: "Did you earn your degree at Clemson?" Elden Campbell: "No, but they gave me one anyway."

— Elden Campbell

Greg Gumbel: "Happy St Patrick's Day!" Charles Barkley: "Great. Another reason for the Irish to go out and drink."

— Greg Gumbel and Charles Barkley

"I'm not worried about the Sacramento Queens."

— Shaquille O'Neal

"Maybe he wasn't hugged enough as a kid."

— Kobe Bryant about Raja Bell

"Pardon me. I just got finished putting this penguin in a head lock. He kept making weird duck sounding noises."

— Ron Artest

"I’m way closer to LeBron than you are to me."

— Brian Scalabrine

"What's better? Dogs or broomsticks? I mean, will the world ever really know?"

— Larry Bird

"I love In-N-Out. It's addicting. It's the only reason I'm here in L.A. If it wasn't for In-N-Out Burger, I probably would've gone to Memphis or something."

— Ron Artest

"I'm hunting for little Mexican girls."

— Karl Malone to Vanessa Bryant

"It's nice just to play against [Michael Jordan]. Sometimes you get your picture in the paper."

— Eddie Johnson

"The good news is I was equipped, thanks for my arsenal of Bud Light."

— Shane Battier on being benched

"I will miss him a lot. He was a good friend. And he owes me $80."

— Yao Ming after Bostjan Nachbar was traded

"When you are 60, hang out with 60-year-olds, not 20-year-olds. That is all I got to say about Jerry Buss."

— Shaquille O'Neal

"You have to forgive people at some point. I believe that. We built Richard Nixon a library."

— Doc Rivers

"I wanted to ask if he planned to expand NBA basketball to the moon."

— Yao Ming, on his meeting with David Stern

"I know I can score 20 or 30 points anytime I want."

— Sasha Vujacic

"This will be in the past, like a ponytail."

— Klay Thompson

"It will make me look sexier at the beach."

— Julius Hodge on gaining 15lbs of muscle

"No comment."

— Michael Jordan, after being asked for his response to making the All-Interview Team

"Like I told the guys earlier, once he turns 21 and is able to drink, it's over."

— Jalen Rose after LeBron scored 56 on him

"I'm startin 2 give my left hand more responsibilities, brushing my teeth, wipin myself, all in the effort 2 b a better ball player."

— Mike James (in an email to a reporter)

"As long as I play ball, I can get any woman I want."

— Dennis Rodman

"It was all out of love."

— Chris Paul's brother CJ, when asked why Chris once pulled a knife on him.

"I'm cleaner than Pine-Sol."

— Reggie Evans after taking a drugs test

"I'd like to be a candidate to date Cindy Crawford. Do you see that woman right there? She and I are candidates to be married."

— Rick Majerus

"Hey, some places this would be a foul!"

— Abe Lemons to the scorer's table while holding up the freshly knocked-out tooth of one of his players

"I make teams win."

— Scot Pollard

"You can't kill a G. Bugs Bunny is a G."

— Delonte West

"Light travels faster than sound, so some people appear to be bright until you hear them speak."

— Brian Williams/Bison Dele about Isiah Thomas

"A BEAUTIFUL pass by Tony Parker...off the front of the rim."

— Bill Walton

"...now quickly to the big guy...and now to the lefty....and he lost the ball but it's picked up in there...the little fella...oh boy, I'm having trouble with the names."

— Johnny Most

"If all I'm remembered for is being a good basketball player, then I've done a bad job with the rest of my life."

— Isiah Thomas

"We have to play like we like each other."

— Dwight Howard

"Just another day in the life of the Red Mamba."

— Matt Bonner after blocking four shots in a game

"That's a trick question. The U.S. does not have a capital."

— Elton Brand after being asked the capital of the USA

"I don't want to say we're dysfunctional. But we need to be more functional."

— Kirk Snyder

"I'll be honest as hell with you. I did write out a will before taking this trip."

— Lamar Odom about the 2004 Olympics

"Where would the Clippers be without Sean Rooks?"

— Bill Walton

"He's going to own the game. Own the game. We're going to have to build a new arena."

— Pistons scout Will Robinson about Darko Milicic, before he was drafted

"I just play with whatever they [give me.] If we are gonna play with a sock, then we play with a sock."

— Delonte West

"I don't see it happening unless every NBA player is given a stipend to buy clothes."

— Marcus Camby before the dress code was brought in

"They've been my life."

— Bill Walton about the Grateful Dead

"Is there a better shot blocker than Vlade Divac?"

— Bill Walton

"It's just the same as school, just without all the adult supervision and everyone needing to know where I'm going every five minutes."

— Dorell Wright about the NBA

"If the NBA were on Channel 5 and a bunch of frogs making love were on Channel 4, I'd watch the frogs."

— Bob Knight

"I never got a California driver's license. If I ever got stopped, I was going to tell the cop, 'I'm the Clippers coach. I'm not going to be here that long."

— Bob Weiss

"Can you openly admit that you know the Earth is constitutionally round? Like, you know that for sure? Like, I don't know."

— Kyrie Irving

"Looking back, there may have been a few things I would have done differently."

— Rob Babcock reflecting on his Raptors days.

"We're 0-11 but we still have 71 more games."

— Bradley Beal

"On our team, we got a lot of young guys and they always want to poke at you and tickle you and stuff, and I really hate that."

— Eddy Curry

"When I started, I thought I was going to be with one team."

— Jim Jackson after tying the NBA's record for most teams

"Damn Shaq, you make me sound like Sydney Poitier"

— Charles Barkley

"Him not being here is going to be tough for me. I don't know what I'm going to wake up for."

— Steve Francis after Cuttino Mobley was traded away

"I don't wear pantyhose."

— Marcus Camby

"The only difference between a good shot and a bad shot is if it goes in or not."

— Charles Barkley

"Name twelve players better than me."

— Jalen Rose, about if he should make the 2002 All Star team

"Get him out of the game, he's hurting the team."

— Larry Bird to Chuck Person's teammates after Person kept talking to Bird

"There are two ways to argue with a woman, and neither of them work."

— Carlos Boozer's reasoning for cancelling an interview because his wife wanted him to go home

"Dan is the countryest guy in L.A. We all make fun of him. Sometimes he doesn't even know what he's talking about; he's just talking."

— Chris Duhon about Dan D'Antoni

"I haven't seen a big man pass like him [Darko Milicic]. He really does pass like Vlade."

— David Kahn

"You know, the one who doesn't take risks, he doesn't get to drink champagne."

— Timofey Mozgov

"I'm one of those players who likes to take the last shot. Let's be honest, I like to take all the shots"

— Dan Issel

"Sam's gangster."

— Primoz Brezec about his then-head coach, Sam Mitchell

"Half Man, Half Sit-Out-The-Season."

— Charles Barkley on Vince Carter

"You can't teach the beast. It's either in you or it isn't. You can't just go to the store and buy a six-pack of beast."

— Kevin Garnett

"A computer geek trapped in an athlete's body."

— Chris Bosh describing himself

"I see you in the club."

— Yao Ming to Ron Artest at a press conference

"We want to win big games, but we don't play well. We're soft. We play like we have skirts on."

— Scott Skiles

"In retrospect, it's OK today. Every now and then you've got to eat a turd sandwich."

— Shane Battier on being benched

"The only thing he used to be able to do when I first got here was the Christmas videos."

— Dwyane Wade about Eric Spoelstra

"It helps that he's single with no kids. He just packs up his one bag, his Segway, and goes to the next city."

— Nazr Mohammed explaining how Boris Diaw deals with being traded

"[Eric Spoelstra] knows he has to meet us halfway. He wants to work, we wanna chill."

— Chris Bosh

"I was really pushing for something interesting, like chronic dandruff."

— Mark Pope, on being placed on Denver's injured list with tendonitis

"I couldn't decide between the windmill or the 360. I ended up going with the one-handed power slam."

— Matt Bonner after a rare dunk

"Not a big deal other than the throngs of women that are gonna be screaming my name when they see me."

— Shane Battier about sleeved jerseys

"They told me if we built a new practice facility we'd attract all the top players in the game."

— Donald Sterling

"It's good to cry. Never keep it bottled up. Then it either explodes like soda or comes out in the form of gas. You want tears or a fart?"

— Ron Artest

"I don't think he watches tape. I think he plays video games and I think he could possibly have an Atari. He should upgrade to a PlayStation."

— Ron Artest about Javale McGee

"Who cares about Thanksgiving, as long as you've got Julia Stiles."

— Steve Martin, Bobcats play-by-play announcer

"If Anthony Johnson ever gets a jumper, who's going to stop him?"

— Bill Walton

"I get buckets, son."

— Oleksiy Pecherov

"He's instant offense, on both ends of the floor."

— Charles Barkley about then-teammate Cuttino Mobley

"You miss 100% of the shots you take."

— Mike James, managing to make a bad quote worse

"Who the hell is Casey Jacobsen? Tell him to show up at the airport and he can carry my bags."

— Shaquille O'Neal

"There's only one person who's scarier than him, and that's God."

— George Hill about LeBron

"And [Reggie] Evans, you talk about Vlade being a flopper? This guy is taking it to a whole new level. He goes down when the air conditioning comes on."

— Rick Adelman

"Every night, when you lay your head on your pillow, you say, 'Wow, I'm one of 300.' Of course, 50 of us are real bad."

— Scott Hastings

"When in doubt, shoot. That's how I look at it."

— Stephon Marbury

"I wear women's leggings under my clothes, but no lingerie."

— Dennis Rodman

"I ain't no GM. Ask Kobe. He's the GM. It's his team. Go ask him."

— Chucky Atkins

"Other than the fourth quarter of the Jersey game and the first, third and fourth quarter against Boston, we've only had four bad quarters of basketball in our last two games."

— Sam Mitchell

"It's pretty depressing out here, man. It's bad. It's bad. It's all factories."

— Joakim Noah about Cleveland

"I put points on your face!"

— Rudy Fernandez to Pau Gasol

"Mandarin is gonna be the language in 15 to 20 years."

— Stephon Marbury

"I don't know what life is like, I don't know how regular people live. I just can never understand it. My first job was the NBA."

— Tracy McGrady

"Piatkowski is killing Szczerbiak....Oh, what a Scrabble game that would be!"

— Bill Walton

"I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok."

— Shaquille O'Neal

"You like it? You think Cleveland's cool? I never heard anybody say I'm going to Cleveland on vacation. What's so good about Cleveland?"

— Joakim Noah

"The AI offense...get the ball to AI and clear out."

— Kevin Ollie, on the offense they ran when he was playing in Philly

"I will shoot all you Asian ******s. Do you remember the Vietnam War? I'll kill y'all just like that."

— Jason Williams to an Asian fan

"I'm always powder-fresh during the games. I'm sure my opponents love that."

— DeAndre Jordan

"Guys were talking about hunting, but I'm a city kid. I don't hunt. I don't like to kill things, but I know what it feels like to be hunted. I'm from the 'hood."

— Cuttino Mobley

"I've always said Jeff Green is going to be one of the best players to ever play this game."

— Kevin Garnett

"I definitely want to thank my doctor, my psychiatrist, she really helped me relax a lot."

— Ron Artest in the seconds immediately following his first championship win.

"He already gave us 40 something and I'm going to shake his hand and thank him? I'm good."

— James Posey on why he refused to shake Blake Griffin's hand after a loss

"Eddie Robinson is about one word: winning and losing."

— Paul Collier, his agent

"I may be, with the exception of Kirk Hinrich, the whitest player in the NBA."

— Paul Shirley, when he was in it

"Pimping ain't easy, pimping ain't dead. Hos are just scared."

— Charles Oakley

"I didn't know he was the captain. But, since you said it, I really didn't notice it I guess."

— JaVale McGee when asked about John Wall's performance as captain

"It's not going to be peaches and gravy all the time."

— Brad Miller trying to explain away inconsistency

"Shut up, you little Smurf."

— Gary Payton to Sidney Lowe

"Bruh, we don't even know if dinosaurs is real - they're probably down there just chilling. I'm saying, if some of them could be down just all the way in the bottom just chilling. And asleep or something."

— Jordan Clarkson

"You look at Vladimir Radmanovic, this guy is cut from stone. It’s as if Michelangelo were reading and a lightning bolt flashed before him."

— Bill Walton

"I just didn't see how me practicing hard was going to take my talent to another level."

— Tracy McGrady

"We're going to be in bed with each other. It's like a marriage."

— Stephon Marbury about himself and Jamal Crawford

"If I was to answer that question honestly, I would have to lie to you."

— Isiah Thomas

"Nobody thought I'd be a great coach. I'm the kind of guy you'd expect to be driving an 18-wheeler through town."

— Rick Majerus

"My sperm is getting slower."

— Dirk Nowitzki

"It seems like a pretty common American name. It's not like I named him Hyundai or Toyota."

— Blake Griffin when asked why he named his son Ford

"We're going to start asking people to go to bars and do some stuff. A little street cred would help us."

— Gregg Popovich

"That's not up to me. I'm not an analysis."

— Michael Beasley

"He hits like my grandma."

— Eduardo Najera about Kevin Garnett

"I'm not going hunting with anyone who plays the same position as me."

— Derrick Coleman about Jayson Williams, long before Williams's murder trial

"It will all be Boooooooooooz to me."

— Carlos Boozer about being booed

"I've been doing yoga, a new form called gyrotonics. I'll let you look it up. You know me, I'm advanced."

— Shaquille O'Neal

"Play some Picasso."

— Former Net Chris Morris to a restaurant piano player, trying to impress a date

"Any other incisive, deep questions that make my mind go vertiginous? None of you even know what that means."

— Gregg Popovich

"It's not a bad shot until you miss it."

— Jordan Crawford

"I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character."

— Charles Barkley

"With me and Z [Ilgauskas], we're the best center ever created. Better than Bill Walton. Not better than Mr. Russell, but he's different. But better than anybody."

— Shaquille O'Neal

"The only thing Christian Laettner has in common with Larry Bird is they both pee standing up."

— Charles Barkley

"Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue."

— Bernie Bickerstaff

"You know, one day when little Nathan grows up, I hope that his dreams come true and he can be just like me."

— Steve Novak about Nate Robinson

"When Primoz [Brezec] first came to the US, he learned his English. I don't know the words, but let's just say everything starts with gangster and ends with pimp."

— Sam Mitchell

Jim Valvano: "Can you give me a T for what I'm thinking?" Ref: "No." Valvano: "Good. In that case, I think you suck."

— Jim Valvano

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING' WINS ONE."

— Dan Gilbert, in Comic Sans

"How the hell can I make my teammates better by practicing?"

— Allen Iverson

"Cafeterias are my favorite place to eat out. Where else can you inspect a prepared entree before ordering it?"

— Doug Moe

"I take my hat off to myself for dealing with all this stuff."

— Carmelo Anthony during trade rumours

"I'm the only person ever with a rat tail and a NBA championship. Let that sink in."

— JaVale McGee

"Greg Ostertag is one of the top centres on this planet."

— Bill Walton

"I don't need too much. Glamour and all that stuff don't excite me."

— LeBron James

"I think they started three white guys. Three American white guys at that. I am pretty sure there is a rule against that somewhere."

— Paul Shirley on Memphis

"I'm too white trash for the Lakers."

— Paul Shirley

"He's got the contract, and I don't like to waste money."

— Former Kings owner Jim Thomas on why he wouldn't fire former coach Garry St Jean.

"I shoot from wherever God tells me to."

— Marcus Fizer

"Sometimes you're like, 'Man they must have a cheat code or something.'"

— Emeka Okafor after losing

"Damn, I have a great ass."

— Shane Battier

"I must be doing something right."

— Stephen Jackson's response to making Forbes's all-overpaid list

"Twenty years from now, you're gonna see me, right, in a drop top Hummer. Butt naked, with some ankle socks on. And a headband. And some Chuck Taylor's. Butt naked."

— Delonte West

"I'm trying Jennifer"

— C.J. McCollum

"That was my fault. I should have read it before it came out."

— Charles Barkley on being misquoted in his autobiography

"81 points, and he'll be done, what, the first week of May?"

— Scottie Pippen about Kobe Bryant

"Americans ... we have sort of an arrogance about us. Like we're the cultured ones? Are you serious? Have you watched TV lately?"

— Gregg Popovich

"Punjabi! As Peja drills it!"

— Matt Devlin slightly misfiring on Mr Stojakovic's name. (Note: awkward silences left out for space reasons.)

"I know there is someone, somewhere, trying to take my spot. And I know where he is too. He's in Oklahoma."

— LeBron James

"To finally get to experience the second round, it feels great."

— Tracy McGrady as his Magic team went 3-1 up in the first round; they lost 4-3

"Getting elbows in the face, I've missed that."

— Elton Brand, after Melvin Ely busted his lip in his first practice back from injury

"It was a different sexual situation going on in the '80s and '90s, and I did a very poor job of describing that."

— Wilt Chamberlain

"There's not much to look forward to from here on out, so I'm trying to find Ashley Judd in the crowd. It beats the adult videos at the hotel."

— Rick Majerus while losing heavily

"He should move to Hawaii, lose a ton of weight and start all over… become a yoga master."

— Bill Walton about Greg Oden

"People coming up to me asking me if I'm Hasheem Thabeet. That's probably the worst thing."

— Roy Hibbert

"My beard is so nasty. I mean, it's the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's beard look good."

— Bill Walton

"They're like contracts. Everybody's got one. Some are just bigger than others."

— Charles Oakley about entourages

"Tracy McGrady is doing things we've never seen from anybody - from any planet."

— Bill Walton

"I didn't play a single minute in the whole joint. So I'm not in any rush to get that ring."

— Eddy Curry about his championship ring

"He's really little. Like, really little. You guys don't understand how little he is. I hope he got into his car seat and buckled in tonight. If not, I think that's a ticket."

— Gilbert Arenas about Jameer Nelson

"It was like my best friend in America."

— Andris Biedrins after crashing his Porsche

"When you have a bad game here or there, you've had three bad games in a seven-year career, then it's easy to point that out."

— LeBron James

"It's kinda hard being this fly man. But, it's easy at the same time."

— Nick Young

"A LeBron James team is never desperate."

— LeBron James

"I won't call myself a soft teddy bear because it might mess up my image, but I am a great guy."

— Kendrick Perkins

"I make love to pressure."

— Stephen Jackson

"I've seen worse. I was in Milwaukee with Anthony Mason, and this was nothing."

— Joel Przybilla about Darius Miles

"Charles [Barkley] and I have no-trade clauses. His is written in. Mine....well, nobody wants to trade for me."

— Joe Kleine

"Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win."

— Doug Collins

"We played the whole 42 minutes or whatever it is."

— Zach Randolph

"Not enough brain cells for that one, brother. I just stand there."

— Steven Adams, asked about his rebounding technique

"I'm an optometrist. I always believe in good."

— Mychal Thompson

"If I'm the best rookie in the league, then this league is s**t."

— Jorge Garbajosa after winning Rookie Of The Month

"Anytime you bring Michael Olowokandi on to your team, disaster is soon to follow."

— Bill Walton

"I think Sammy enjoys his summers."

— Andre Iguodala when asked if Sam Dalembert is dedicated to basketball

"He's the best Valentine I've ever had."

— Chandler Parsons about Jeremy Lin

"I know why girls go and have their nails done so often and have spa days. It feels awesome."

— DeAndre Jordan

"In the top story of the day, I've been traded to Portland."

— Kiki Vanderweghe, who worked an offseason job as a local news reporter

"Eddie Griffin has put up the two worst shots in the history of the Rockets franchise here tonight."

— Bill Walton

"I'm like, 'I don't miss.' That's my new name - ''I.D.M.' Call me 'I.D.M.'"

— Nick Young

"It wasn't a big deal, like somebody asking me to go fishing."

— Greg Ostertag after donating a kidney to his sister

"I'm not sure if I was their first choice or not. But I'm not sure I was my wife's first choice, either."

— Mark Fox, Georgia coach

"That's not bling! These are angel wings around my neck!"

— Stephon Marbury

"Last year it was Abe Pollin's widow and this year it was a 14-year-old boy and the only thing we have in common is we have both been bar mitzvahed. We were done."

— David Kahn on why he didn't win the lottery

"Lucky shot, that's all. You don't need to have skills."

— Vlade Divac about Robert Horry's shot in Game 4 of the 2002 Western Conference Finals

"I'm like a superhero. Call me Basketball Man."

— LeBron James while still in high school

"I'd probably hire me."

— George Karl, on who he'd hire to replace him in Milwaukee

“I got to be honest with you, when he stepped onto the court, this dude is huge. I just realized that I’ve got to go home and eat like five chickens and put a lot of weight on. It’s going to take a couple months, but seriously."

— Marcin Gortat about Shaq

Isiah Thomas: "I've got some bad news. We're trading you to Phoenix." Antonio McDyess: "What's the bad news?"

— Isiah Thomas and Antonio McDyess

"The sky is not the limit, it's the air with clouds in it."

— Tyrus Thomas

"I have been very intentional in distancing myself from anything that would jeopardize my personal and professional relationships."

— Zach Randolph

"I think Blake is an alien and I think DeAndre is an alien."

— Baron Davis about Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan

"I don't even understand the word happy. Happy is a stupid word. It really is. It makes no sense."

— Gregg Popovich

"Maybe I'm just always thinking."

— Troy Hudson, on why he rarely talks

"There's something odd about going up to Michael Jordan and slipping him $16 a day."

— Terry Francona, Jordan's manager during his minor league baseball career

"After the album comes out I'm going to make sure all of my time is focused on winning a championship."

— Ron Artest

"In season, he's Doc, but during the off-season my name for him is The D-O-C."

— Kendrick Perkins about Doc Rivers

"It's always frustrating when you get down 40 points."

— Nazr Mohammed

"He's one of the best power forwards of all-time. I take my hands off to him."

— Scottie Pippen about Tim Duncan

"I think I did very well against everyone who tried to defend me."

— Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

"He rubs off on me. He makes me happy. He starts … swagging ... or something ... and it gets me going."

— Mike D'Antoni about Nick Young

"When [Jalen Rose] comes over here, I'm going to give him a kiss. Not on his lips, though."

— Rafer Alston

"Not sure - they haven't told me yet."

— Brandon Armstrong, when asked which knee he had tendonitis in

"Every day is a day closer to our guys being legal."

— Earl Watson on coaching a young team

"You can bet the last thing Coach Bob McKinnon wants is a repeat of last Friday night's blow job."

— Bob Costas

"We can't go out there with our heads up our anuses thinking that we have every game won."

— Julius Hodge

"We told Stanley Roberts to go on a water diet, and Lake Superior disappeared."

— Pat Williams

"Hold on a second, I broke my butt cheek."

— Kevin Love to a referee

"I thank my teammates for letting their men blow by them."

— Alonzo Mourning after winning the DPOY award

"I want to thank my teammates for allowing their men to get to the basket again, forcing me to block shots and pick up fouls, and sometimes technical fouls."

— Dwight Howard

"To be honest, I would put myself in the same category as D-Wade. At the end of the day, the only thing he have that I don’t have is, you know, more wins and two championships."

— Monta Ellis

"If you meet the Buddha in the lane, feed him the ball."

— Phil Jackson

"[After a block,] Biyombo told me, 'This is my house.' I told him, 'You have seven wins. It's everybody's house.'"

— Rudy Gay

"They brought him off the injured list, and he was pretty much doing the same thing he was doing on the injured list, which is nothing."

— Chris Jefferies about Rick Brunson

"I didn't go to college. I don't know how to read."

— Kobe Bryant

"Two or three years from now you'll look back and think: How could Jordan have not taken [DeSagana] Diop #1?"

— Skip Bayless in 2001

"The Washington Wizards are trying to make the playoffs. It's pretty much the same thing."

— Tyronn Lue on the war in Iraq

"Tyson Chandler! Eating rim in Toronto!"

— Chuck Swirsky

"He's fat, lazy and selfish, but other than that, he's perfect."

— Unnamed Eastern Conference scout on Eddy Curry

"I used to have at least a five-inch vertical, but over the years, it's dropped. It's now down to two or three inches."

— Mark Pope

"There will always be haters, that’s just the way it is. Hating dudes marry hating women and have hating ass kids."

— Evan Turner

"He's a very mean guy. Where's the love? None at all. Ugly, too."

— Joakim Noah about Kevin Garnett

"Don't ask for my autograph. Ask me about the rage inside me."

— Dennis Scott to the kids at a coaching camp

"I earn my money. Why don't you try it?"

— Gary Neal to Larry Sanders

"If I could look into the future, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you doorknobs. I'd be out investing in the stock market."

— Kevin McHale

"My goal in life is to have a Lavoy Allen day. One day. Just one where I don't give a **** about anything."

— Doug Collins

"We padded that. We actually had about 60 people there."

— Dick Motta after a Chicago game had an announced attendance of 891

"He's white, so probably, yes."

— Metta World Peace, asked if Steve Nash is the smartest Laker

"Just give every coach the same amount of money and tell them they can keep what's left over."

— Abe Lemons on how to stop illegal recruiting

"He's not nice. I talk a lot of trash out there, but c'mon, be a little sensitive. Be sweet."

— Joakim Noah about Kevin Garnett

"We got Zaza Pachulia being their leading scorer. You know what I'm saying? We'll take that."

— Kenyon Martin about his team's defensive performance

"I'd never buy my girl a watch. She's already got a clock over the stove."

— Charles Barkley

"He took this matchup with Korver pretty seriously. White America!"

— Joakim Noah about Mike Dunleavy Jr

"Obviously a lot more women would be into the game."

— Evan Turner, when asked if he'd like to be the NBA logo

"I felt like we wanted it. We just wanted to come together collectively. Play hard, do it together. I’m definitely too sexy for my cat, definitely, we know that. I’m also too tough to let a meniscus surgery keep me out for six weeks"

— Metta World Peace

"It's biblical. It's in the old testament. The prophet of swag."

— Nick Young, when asked about the origins of his nickname, Swaggy P.

"I cherished getting kicked out of school. It was a great thing. I became a millionaire."

— Jason Williams

"I don't know anything about Angola, but I know they're in trouble."

— Charles Barkley before playing them

"I don't think Ron [Artest] had ever meditated before he came here. And if he did, it wasn't with 12 or 13 other guys."

— Lamar Odom

"Karl Malone has spent more time in a gym, than Corey Maggette has been alive."

— Bill Walton

"We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. Our heads weigh more."

— Vlade Divac

"It's the kind of game that makes you go home and beat your wife."

— Charles Barkley

"And he was very mean to me my rookie year. And he's only mean to the young guys and the [European players], for some reason."

— Joakim Noah about Kevin Garnett

"Just say I'm from Somalia and I need food."

— Stephen Jackson on his determination to win

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

— Chuck Nevitt

"The NBA will be fine without old LeBron, it's got Ben Simmons."

— Colin Cowherd

Reporter: "What could Eddy Curry do to become a better rebounder?" Scott Skiles: "Jump."

— Scott Skiles

"We play basket-ball, not rebound-ball."

— Andrea Bargnani

"I thought about [Michael Jordan] passing to Steve Kerr. And I thought, 'Well, let me add that to my legacy. I’ll pass one time.' And that was it. It was unbelievable, actually. Ingenious by me."

— Evan Turner

"He's three times bigger than anybody else on the court."

— Chris Paul about Andrew Bynum

"Of all the players I've coached in my career, Mark Titus is one of them."

— Thad Matta

"Rook, I am the best shooter in the league. In the league, understand? And you're up here trying to tell me something?"

— Larry Bird to Reggie Miller, as Reggie tried to distract Bird between free throws

"The game is too long, the season is too long and the players are too long."

— Jack Dolph, former ABA Commissioner

"Maybe if you earn less than $8 million, you'll get a scholarship from the commissioner."

— David Stern's answer to Marcus Camby's request for a clothing stipend

"You can't throw the ball through the nose of a defender and have it come out his asshole to a teammate."

— Rick Carlisle

"I had to smell his breath for alcohol. I checked his office for drugs. I said, ‘You’ve gotta be high.’ You know what I’m saying?"

— Evan Turner after Brad Stevens benched him

"I got to the rim and ran out of talent."

— Corey Brewer after missing a layup

"No autopsy, no foul."

— Stewart Granger, former Villanova and Cavaliers guard

"Tom."

— Tom Nissalke, coach of the 1966 Houston Rockets, when asked how he pronounced his name

"It’s 15%, but it’s a big 15%."

— Evan Turner when asked about his three-point shot

"Well, he's a good player for Minnesota."

— Gary Payton when asked about Serbia, confusing it for Wally Szczerbiak

"If it ain't broke, don't break it."

— Charles Oakley

"Wikipedia asking for donations... Might have to do it. Wouldn't have gotten thru high school without it. Definitely not Duke."

— Justise Winslow

"I think I'll get along real well with Brad. I can see us really going at it in practice every day, then going out and killing something to eat."

— Greg Ostertag about then-new team mate, Brad Miller

"He's very white swan. I need him to be more black swan."

— Kobe Bryant about Pau Gasol

"I probably shouldn’t make any plans for All-Star Weekend now."

— Evan Turner after a 360 dunk

"It was 201 years ago today, Beethoven's Symphony No. 3 in E-flat, which escorted in the age of Romanticism in music. And when I think of Boris Diaw, I think of Beethoven and the age of the Romantics."

— Bill Walton

"Yesterday we celebrated Sir Isaac Newton's discovery of gravity. Today, Fabricio Oberto is defying it."

— Bill Walton

"I've actually got my ring fitted for my middle finger so they can kiss that one."

— Andrew Bogut

"They should have focused more on me."

— Sebastian Telfair's opinion of a documentary about Sebastian Telfair

"What comes out of the microwave hot doesn't always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning."

— Shaquille O'Neal

"When I hit that fan, I definitely enjoyed it."

— Stephen Jackson

"I would feel blessed to be the 12th man."

— Mark Pope

"I made the mistake of going out and drinking Budweiser with Larry Bird one night. I had to get carried back to the hotel."

— Charles Barkley

"This tattoo means 'sincere.' At least, I hope it does. Every time I go into a Chinese store they laugh at me."

— Delonte West

"I kinda knew Cleveland was going to get the #1 pick. I think they rigged it. Don't quote me on that, though."

— Carmelo Anthony

"I've won Player of the Month before. They don't ever give me anything for it. A new car, something, a plaque"

— Paul Pierce

"I'm going to kill Bart Simpson."

— Robin Lopez

"I'm often mentioned in the same sentence as Michael Jordan. You know, 'That Scott Hastings, he's no Michael Jordan.'"

— Scott Hastings

"I wanted it to be all about me."

— LeBron James talking about "The Decision"

"I really don't even care. I hope they lose every game the rest of the season."

— Paul Pierce when asked about Miami's winning streak

"We're the two best white shooters in the NBA."

— Gilbert Arenas about J.J. Redick and himself

"So, which one of you guys is going to come in second?"

— Larry Bird before the Three-Point Contest; he won

Reporter: "How are Kwame's hands this season, are they improving?" Phil Jackson - "Let's just say I wouldn't let him hold a baby."

— Phil Jackson

"Unstoppable, baby!"

— Marc Jackson after hitting a lay-up during a 29-point loss

"When all is said and done, there’s nothing left to say or do."

— Darryl Dawkins

"Was it for [Richard] Jefferson?"

— Jalen Rose after hearing Vince Carter was traded to New Jersey

"Sam is an idiot. I-D-O-U-T. Idiot."

— Shaq about Sam Smith

"I don't think Kobe is the best player. I'm the best player."

— Paul Pierce

"I'm the first player in history that doesn't want to play defense and still gets in foul trouble."

— Shaquille O'Neal

"I may not be a class act, but I'm an American."

— Ron Artest, campaigning for a spot on the Olympic team

"You know I had to do it one time lol. #Holocaust"

— Danny Green

"All I can do is take them in and out of the games."

— Vinny Del Negro on why his players are underperforming

"Even my family gets spoiled at times watching me doing things that I do, on and off the court."

— LeBron James

"You've gotta respect a 15% three-point shooter. A guy like that is always lethal."

— Evan Turner when asked about his own shot

"He just kept saying 'Michael Jordan is going to kill me.'"

— Sgt. Kirk Hartwell after arresting Kwame Brown for speeding

"Guys like him only come around once every ten years."

— Shaq about Kevin Love

"Have you ever seen Gollum, John Clayton and Sam Cassell in the same place before?"

— Charles Barkley on the 2005 Clippers

"That was just something I made up."

— Vernon Maxwell after taking two weeks off mid-season citing personal problems

"My swag was phenomenal."

— Gilbert Arenas after a game winner

"I'm just what America needs - another unemployed black man."

— Charles Barkley after retiring

"I didn't think he had it in him."

— Tracy McGrady, speaking about his dog after it bit a repairman's nose off

"If I moonwalk after I get a rebound, that's exciting. If [Andrew Bynum] does, like, a cartwheel, take his shirt off, and [puts] electrical shocks on his nipples and starts doing the Electric Slide, that's exciting."

— Ron Artest

"When I think about playoffs, my nipples get hard."

— Enes Kanter

"I'm telling you what it is: I know I'm the best point guard in the NBA. I don't need anybody else to tell me that."

— Stephon Marbury, a while ago

"Male fashion model."

— Marcus Banks, when asked by Daryl Morey what he really wanted to be in life

"Men lie women lie BUCKETS DNT"

— Dion Waiters

"I taught him everything he knows."

— Kwame Brown about Andrew Bynum

"If [J.J. Barea's] head was normal sized, I think he'd only be 5'4. But it's so large it makes him 5'9."

— Dirk Nowitzki

"His initials are PG, but I want him to be rated R."

— Damon Stoudamire about Pau Gasol

"Hey kids. Do drugs."

— Scot Pollard

"Cause we're old as s***."

— Kobe Bryant when asked why his Lakers were struggling

"LeBron stays humble by just being LeBron."

— LeBron James while still in high school

"Flawless. Llike Yosemite Falls coming right through the rim."

— Bill Walton about Ray Allen's jumpshot

"What's that? Some kind of hamburger?"

— Bo Outlaw, when asked about how he felt on recording his first triple double

"I'm a competitor. That's what I do. It doesn't make sense for me to go over and shake somebody's hand."

— LeBron James

"A lot more people are going to go to heaven than before. Because we were lying."

— Gregg Popovich about the injured list being abandoned

"You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it."

— Charles Barkley to Oliver Miller

"I don't want to go 'Ring - CHASING', as I call it, you know. Going to a team that's already pretty established and trying to win a ring with them. I want to stay with the Cavs and build a champion."

— LeBron James

"I don't promote cursing, but it helps. I look at it like it's straight to the point. It's nothing that I'm proud of. If I could stop, I would. But **** it."

— Kevin Garnett

"I hopped out of my car with my gun. I had a gun license at the time so it was all good. People think I was shooting up the place willy-nilly, but my gun was registered."

— Stephen Jackson

"I anticipate saving a lot of money going forward."

— Mark Cuban after David Stern announced his retirement

"Here was a physically mature man-child with the feet, touch and timing of a young Hakeem Olajuwon. All [DeSagana] Diop needs is time."

— Skip Bayless in 2001

"He's everywhere! Rebounds, assists... Shawn Bradley is looking like Hakeem Olajuwon!"

— Bill Walton

"That's a cheap shot by a low-class type player. You don't do that. That's gay on his part. I told him that he was gay, too, for touching me in my private parts."

— Francisco Elson about Kevin Garnett

"Big boys don't cry. But, if you're going to do it, do it in the toilet where no one can see."

— Phil Jackson

"I'm not trying to get into any Cheerio commercials, or Coca-Cola commercials. I want to do a commercial in the hood."

— Ron Artest

"He's a very attractive man. He'll be instructing you as to how to look at him, and the different angles of how good he looks, on a daily basis."

— Scot Pollard about Peja Stojakovic

"It's brilliant that you lose your baby teeth when you're a baby, rather than lose them when you're like 30 or 20. That has nothing to do with your question, but that was definitely on my mind."

— Ron Artest

"That's like clubbing baby seals."

— Clyde Drexler describing Andres Nocioni's futile attempts to defend Yao Ming

"He's not 20 years old. No way. I'm going to have to see a birth certificate or something."

— Antawn Jamison on LeBron James

"It would be hard for me not to improve your team."

— Yitzi Teichman, Make-a-Wish Foundation gift recipient, after signing with the Lakers for a day

"I really like Rafer Alston. We get along great. We have a lot of fun times together that I can't share with you guys."

— Jalen Rose

"Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious."

— Charles Shackleford

"I saw what the governor makes. That's like four hands of blackjack."

— Charles Barkley on why he did not seriously consider becoming the governor of Alabama

"I eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before every game. Whoever invented that was smart. That's got to be one of the best sandwiches ever."

— Ben Gordon

"Man I can’t remember all the clubs we went to."

— Shaq after a basketball trip to Greece was asked if he visited the Parthenon

"I’ll always remember this as the night that Michael Jordan and I combined to score 70 points."

— Stacey King after Jordan scored 69

"Violence is never the answer, but sometimes it is."

— Matt Barnes

"I thought he was a pretty good looking fella when he had hair, but oh my goodness, did that bring out all his bad features or what?"

— Don Nelson after Dirk Nowitzki had a hair cut

"There's nothing he can do about it now except to make sure that he is aware of where his weapons are."

— Nate McMillan, after Sebastian Telfair was charged with carrying a concealed weapon

"E.T.."

— Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, asked about his favorite Star Wars character

"I don't care if James Naismith was guarding me, which would be scary because he's dead."

— Rudy Gay

"Y’all know how we have dogs and stuff right? So I think it was bigger people in the world before us, and the dinosaurs was they pets."

— Jordan Clarkson

"He's actually about 6'11 but because God chose not to give him a neck he only measures about 6'9."

— Phil Jackson about Zach Randolph

"You would not believe how hard it has been. Buying my first house. That was a hardship."

— Kevin Garnett

"Ball don't lie."

— Rasheed Wallace

"I feel like Bill Walton - old and sh***y."

— Shaquille O'Neal

"He's even more mellow than me if that's possible."

— Tim Duncan on Kawhi Leonard

"We're like Tim Duncan and David Robinson. But a younger version. I really feel that."

— Charlie Villanueva about himself and Chris Bosh

"Me and JJ, we're like brothers. Even though I stay out in the sun more than he does."

— Mickael Pietrus about himself and J.J. Redick

"John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western civilization."

— Bill Walton

"At least we held them under 100."

— Larry Brown after losing 93-61

"I'd rather tongue-kiss a maggot than listen to that."

— Monty Williams, after Quincy Pondexter sang Happy Birthday to him

"He just stands there, but it's effective."

— Ray Allen on Shawn Bradley's defense

"Patrick Ewing used to be much better in every aspect of the game."

— Bill Walton

"I started despising him. We sat down a lot, but it always ended up being him talking and me listening."

— Ray Allen on George Karl

"When I'm not playing, I like to work on my game and look fly for the honeys."

— Julius Hodge

"I think I need botox on just one of my cheek bones. The other one, I want it to hang low."

— Ron Artest

"The only man who can stop Cliff Robinson is Cliff Robinson. The man is unstoppable even at 38."

— Bill Walton

"By the time we got [to Detroit], it was almost 2 in the morning. Ain't nothing open but hospitals, jails and legs."

— Jalen Rose

"Finally, a chance to recreate the last few seasons of my career: sitting down."

— Blake Griffin, launching his podcast

"All I want to do is grab somebody and bang nowadays."

— Brad Miller

"What a pathetic play from a pathetic human being."

— Bill Walton about Larry Johnson

"I thought we were up."

— J.R. Smith after Game 1 of the 2018 NBA Finals

"I'm scared. I think I'm the best player here."

— Scott Hastings on the Heat expansion team

"If I was a Caesar salad, the croutons would be my friends, the lettuce would be my family and the dressing would be my mom."

— Kevin Garnett

"It's not that bad here."

— Joe Johnson, while with the Nets

"Look how high we is!"

— Dwight Howard on a roller coaster

"We just do what we do. Same boring thing for 20 years."

— Gregg Popovich

"Hey AC. If God's so good, why didn't he give you a ****ing jump shot?"

— Charles Barkley to A.C. Green

"He has been unbelievable and milking him has been a beautiful thing."

— Steve Nash about Kobe Bryant

"I've been traveling the world picking up new moves, kind of like David Carradine walking the earth in 'Kung Fu' though I hope things turn out a little better for me than they did for him."

— Robin Lopez

"Hermaphrodites are people with male and female gena- um, genitalia."

— Emeka Okafor on a training camp documentary

"Colonel Sanders is the greatest white man that ever lived."

— Charles Barkley

"The best [LeBron] James can ever be is an average NBA player."

— Charley Rosen

"I’d rather go 0-30 than 0-9, because if you go 0-9, that means you stopped shooting."

— Dion Waiters

"When he has the ball in his hands, I'm a lot better coach."

— Rick Adelman about Ricky Rubio

"We couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle."

— Rick Carlisle

"I think he should have got the surgery before at the beginning of the year instead of waiting."

— Shaquille O'Neal, on Phil Jackson's kidney stones

"The thing we're going to miss most about Dwight is his farting ability. A great farter. He can fart."

— Glen Davis

"Viper. I like Boa constrictor, too. But viper is the best meat I've ever had. It tastes like fish and chicken combined. It's very good."

— Luc Mbah A Moute, when asked to name his favourite food.

"Roses are red ... violets are blue ... if you look at another girl ... I will beat you."

— Doug Christie's wife Jackie

"I just think [Jesus] is really brilliant, that you lose your teeth when you're a baby rather than you lose them when you're, like, 30 or 20. That has nothing to do with your question, but that was definitely on my mind."

— Metta World Peace

"The only time your hips should touch another person is when you are having sex."

— John Salley

"The groupie level is always there."

— Lamar Odom

"If I had known it was such a big deal, I would have averaged a triple-double for my entire career."

— Oscar Robertson

"This is my two seconds. I must enjoy."

— Boban Marjanovic after receiving a taunting technical after a dunk

"Are you any relation to your brother Marv?"

— Leon Wood to Steve Albert

"If you're being drafted, people are saying "we want you around for four years", and I can't imagine anybody wants Enes Kanter or Royce White around them for even four minutes."

— Robin Lopez

"Star Spangled Banner, I listen to it 82 times every year."

— Yao Ming, when asked about his favourite American song

"I don't want to shoot my mouth in the foot, but those are games we can win."

— Sherman Douglas

"Either I've grown, or these are women's shoes. I don't know. Maybe they think I play like a girl."

— Scott Brooks

"We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."

— Pat Williams

"[Battier is] as smart as hell. He understands how to play the game. He plays it at 100% ferocity all the time, a ferocity with sense. And on top of that, he's a character guy, he's a leader, he's a consummate pro. I hate him."

— Gregg Popovich

"I will find the referees, murder them and then [expletive] their daughters."

— Darko Milicic

"Bitch, you better learn to play the three."

— Andre Barrett to Justin Reed

"You want me to take the time to count 'em?"

— Jalen Rose when asked how many of his Raptors teammates were question marks

"That's like asking a guy getting a divorce, 'Who did your wife just bone?'"

— Chris Webber to reporters asking him badly timed questions

"Raef Lafrentz and Shawn Bradley should start considering new careers."

— Bill Walton

"That's almost like communism. That's like Castro."

— Kevin Garnett after the 2006 tightening of the technical foul rules

"Why did you have to dunk on me so hard?"

— Maciej Lampe to Jarvis Hayes

"That Michael Jackson is unbelievable, isn't he?"

— Al Gore after the Bulls won the 1998 NBA Championship

"Don't think for one min that I haven't been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!"

— LeBron James

"So far, we've proven we can beat anybody and lose to anybody."

— Doc Rivers

"I do things that are much more complicated than rebounds and defense."

— Andrea Bargnani

"I never knew that I could have a redneck as a best friend."

— Joakim Noah about Brad Miller

"I've had to overcome a lot of diversity."

— Drew Gooden

"Outside of LeBron James and Dwyane Wade, we're more talented than them."

— Joe Johnson

"They don't let many black people in the governor's mansion in Alabama, unless they're cleaning."

— Charles Barkley

"Ever watch an All-Star Game? It's God awful. Everybody gets the ball, goes 1-on-1 and plays no defense. That's us."

— Mike D'Antoni

"How many people can say that they've punched a fan?"

— Stephen Jackson

"There are only two plays that I know; "Romeo and Juliet," and put the damn ball in the basket."

— Abe Lemons

"A thing of beauty! Einstein, Da Vinci, Jobs! And now Tyreke Evans!"

— Bill Walton

"I don't think it's too likely, because I'm not a very good basketball player."

— Mark Pope on his chances of making the team

"Nothing wrong with wanting to go home."

— Stephon Marbury

"Last season, we thought we could beat you. This season, we're going to strap it on."

— Stan Kroenke

"I got two words for you; Steve Nash and Chris Paul, must see TV,"

— Charles Barkley

"I'm pimptastic."

— Ed Davis

"If you couldn't shoot, there would be no reason for you to be alive."

— Charles Barkley to Steve Kerr

"I really sat down and envisioned life after basketball. I really saw myself not playing."

— Mo Williams after LeBron James left Cleveland

"We named your kidney stone Kobe because it's not passing."

— Phil Jackson's anaesthesiologist

"Me and J.J., we're like brothers. Even though I stay out in the sun more than he does."

— Mickael Pietrus about himself and J.J. Redick

"Because they don't have fours."

— Antoine Walker when asked why he shot so many threes

"[Joakim] Noah is one of those guys who like attention."

— LeBron James

"I don't know what's wrong with that girl."

— Reggie Evans about Pau Gasol

"It's like hopping out of the shower without a towel, running into a meat freezer and staying there for about 10-15 minutes, and running back out."

— Kevin Garnett on what it's like to be an All-Star

"He looks twelve years old. Especially when he's in a suit."

— Walt Clyde Frazier about Nate Robinson

"Yeah, I walked in the shower, I'm not a homosexual or nothing like that, but Kobe had no clothes on."

— Ron Artest

"He coached the Bad Boys. And if you can coach those assholes, you can coach anybody."

— Charles Barkley on Chuck Daly

"I just hate that I still get pimples."

— Anderson Varejao

"The average fan doesn't study the draft and players like we do."

— Rob Babcock

"I'm always trying to see what the joke is, so I miss the play that's called and I've got to ask a teammate."

— Joe Johnson talking about his team's mascot

"In the playoffs, we all celebrities. It's great. I was a celebrity for 12 seconds tonight."

— Damon Jones

"I didn't even know Elvis was from Memphis. I thought he was from Tennessee."

— Drew Gooden

"Every player in our league is underpaid. When Kevin Garnett was making $28 million, he was underpaid."

— Sam Cassell

"You know you haven't been home a lot when your dog barks at you."

— Zydrunas Ilgauskas

"Incompetence should not be confined to one sex."

— Bill Russell when asked about the prospect of female referees.

"A man has to know his limitations and I don't have any."

— Former NBA player Edgar Jones

"I'm in favor of it as long as it's multiple choice."

— Kurt Rambis about drug testing

"To hang out in a gay bar or put on a sequined halter top makes me feel like a total person."

— Dennis Rodman

"It was unanimous. 1-0, and I won."

— David Stern when asked whether the vote to suspend Ron Artest for the season was unanimous

"I've won Player of the Month before. They don't ever give me anything for it. A new car, something, a plaque."

— Paul Pierce

"We try to treat the road like it's a home game. We ain't got no fans at home, neither."

— Dion Glover in his Hawks days

"In my prime I could have handled Michael Jordan. Of course, he would be only 12 years old."

— Jerry Sloan

"I want to milk that cow as much as possible. That’s a real good form of milk."

— Jabari Parker about Giannis Antetokounmpo

"Maybe I'll buy a chocolate factory."

— Andrei Kirilenko

"Some guys smoke. Some guys drink. Some guys chase women. I'm a big barbecue sauce guy."

— Rick Majerus

"I might win MVP or try to go for Sixth Man of the Year or Most Improved or Defensive Player of the Year. I got robbed last year."

— Nick Young on his goals for the 2014-15 season

"You can't have everything."

— J.R. Smith, commenting on LeBron's receding hairline

"Eddie House's kid is funny as hell."

— Stephon Marbury

"It was almost like a rat (peeing) on cotton."

— Reggie Miller after a big three-pointer

"I got my family to feed."

— Latrell Sprewell turning down $21 million

"I turn around and Pluto's no longer a planet. I'm going to elbow that guy in the nose."

— Ron Artest

"I haven't disrespected him. Yet."

— Bryon Russell about Doug Collins

"If Eric Piatkowski continues playing at this level, he's going to replace Jerry West on the NBA logo."

— Bill Walton

"It's not up to me. It's up to the organization to say that they want to match that ridiculous contract."

— Carmelo Anthony about Jeremy Lin

"This is my first summer [with] no trouble. I ain't go to jail for speeding. Didn't go to jail for DUI. I didn't break my foot. I didn't break my other foot. I'm one step ahead of the game already."

— Kwame Brown

"You ever wash your sheets and then when you go out, you hang them out and when the sun dries them you smell your sheets? That's what Shaq is."

— Kevin Garnett

"Mick Jagger is in better shape than far too many NBA players. It's up in the air whether the same can be said of Keith Richards."

— Bill Walton

"Jesus was hated, too."

— Evan Turner

"Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss's wife having sex with a monkey."

— Charles Barkley

"You outrebounded a dead man by one."

— Abe Lemons to an underperforming player

"I possess the unique ability to slip into a coma at any moment’s notice."

— Robin Lopez

"Usually my two-year-old ends up dribbling it around the house."

— Steve Nash when asked what happens to all the milestone balls he receives

John Saunders: "What advice would you give to Luke [Walton] to have a successful NBA career?" Bill Walton: "Pass it to Shaq."

— John Saunders and Bill Walton

"The best thing you could say about Charlie Ward is at least he wasn't Chris Childs."

— Bill Walton

"I want them to at least name the rule after me."

— Stan Van Gundy after the NBA outlawed mock turtlenecks

"Early in the game we were careless with the ball, but towards the end of the game we started......ummmm.....being........well, not careless, I guess."

— Julius Hodge

"OVERTIME!....No! The Raptors win it!"

— Matt Devlin

"If they're scoring, keep feeding them. If they're missing, then I'll do me. That's talent. I'm multitalented. Like Bo Jackson."

— Gilbert Arenas

"I don't have to shoot from more than two feet. I'm top 50. I've got 23,000 from where I shoot."

— Shaq after Danny Fortson challenged him to take more jumpshots.

"It's not about the money. It's about the stuff that you can buy with the money."

— Kevin Garnett

"Three quarters of the world is covered by water. The rest is covered by Chuck Hayes."

— Shane Battier

"I'm not going to argue with you, Ernie. I'll hit you in the left eye."

— Charles Barkley to Ernie Johnson

"Great, we'll have to put that on the scouting report.

— Matt Bonner after Kobe scored 81 on his team

"His initials are PG, but I want him to be rated R."

— Damon Stoudamire about Pau Gasol

"[NBA players] make a lot of money, but they also spend a lot of money."

— Patrick Ewing justifying NBA salaries

"We could use a little more strength at the five position, the four position and shooting and point guard position."

— Danny Ainge

"Osama shouldve hooped instead of tryna kill ppl cause he tall as hell"

— Terry Rozier

"You suck."

— Raja Bell to Sasha Vujacic

Yinka Dare: "Jayson, what does the "C" on Christian Laettner's jersey stand for?" Jayson Williams: "Yinka, what do you think the "C" stands for?" Yinka Dare: "Caucasian?"

— Yinka Dare and Jayson Williams

"I love Pluto. Everybody loves Pluto. There's a dog named Pluto in the cartoons. I don't know how we got on that subject. We've got to see if we can get Pluto back."

— Ron Artest

"Honestly, not to like go too deep into it or be a hipster about it, but if you’re gonna be nice to me one day a year, my life sucks."

— Evan Turner about birthdays

"I thought LeBron James was just going to be another addition to help me score."

— Ricky Davis

"I was shooting 45 times a game. What was I supposed to do? Pass it into Chris Mihm and Kwame Brown?"

— Kobe Bryant

"I'm a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize."

— Ron Artest after his 67 game suspension

"You've got to realize, this is the same guy who said he wanted to go play in Madison Square Garden because of the aroma."

— Flip Saunders about Stephon Marbury

"I remember draft night, I shook David Stern's hand while rocking a red suit with white pinstripes and red gators. I've always been a trendsetter."

— Jalen Rose

"He is.............................a lunatic."

— Adonal Foyle about Gilbert Arenas

"Kenyon Martin is the second-best player in the Eastern Conference."

— Bill Walton

"I'm a huge cribbage and corduroy enthusiast."

— Matt Bonner

"There are things you can't get in Vancouver, like Cap'n Crunch."

— Tony Massenburg on why he didn't like Vancouver

"I'm still looking pretty handsome, as you can see."

— Jae Crowder, after being elbowed

"I just don't want the day to come where I pick up that paper and it says he shot someone, or that he was shot. Every day that goes by that I don't see that, I feel good."

— Moe Smedley, Zach Randolph's high school coach

"Wow, all that money and he dresses like Craig Sager."

— Charles Barkley on Mark Cuban

"I want him to play like Bill Russell but I don't think he knows who Bill Russell is."

— Larry Brown on Darko Milicic