Matt Bonner has one offensive weapon. And that'
s the jumpshot. It's a good jumpshot, particularly from three point range, and it's make to
look even more jazz by the form on his shot, a gangsta one handed shot put that brings back memories of the days when everyone shot like that (and, not coincidentally, the days when no one in the league shot well). But it's pretty much all he's got. Every now and then he'll fake you off your feet and drive to the rim, whee he'll either pass it off (which he's rather good at) or take a layup (which he's rather bad at), but that's about it.
The reason why that's about it is his body type. Bonner is short (if a 6'10 man can ever be called that), a tad fat, truly grounded, and also has short arms. He couldn't post you up even if he wanted to you, and nor can he take you off the dribble. He hits open shots well, but that's about all he does. These disadvantages also hinder him on defense, where he can't stay with any slashers or impede any interior shots, and he doesn't rebound particularly well either. This might not be surprising, really, considering the previous description was of a slow unathletic perimeter orientated power forward.
He is, however, thoroughly likeable. And that's the main thing. He's thoroughly likeable for a variety of reasons, ranging from his persona to his hair colour, via his jumpshot and his decision to go by a nickname also synonymous with wanking off a puppy. Yet Bonner is also very likeable for his down-to-earth nature, openly talking about the way he hoards his NBA paychecks and rides the bus around town. If ever a man was completely unsusceptible to the bling culture, it was Matt Bonner. And some of us admire that.
Note: As you can probably tell,
some of the nicknames were made up. Many are genuine, though, and they
are only made up in the instances where a real one couldn't be traced.
Many given nicknames are of common usage, but some are also sourced
from lesser known sources - these sources are not often cited, not because
I hate the people involved, but because there's too many to do so. For
argument's sake, just assume that the unfunny ones are mine.
In the event where more than one agent is listed, this is because the
player has more than one agent. Simple, really. This is rather commonplace
- a lot of times, a player will sign with a big agency, and they will
have both primary and secondary agents from within that agency to handle
their affairs. (Where that happens, the primary agent is listed first.)
Also, foreign players tend to have both American and domestic agents.
Where the details of such are known, they are listed. It's essentially
like a fun multiple choice game, except without the "fun", "multiple
choice" and "game" elements.
Additionally - don't sue. We're only having a laugh. There's no slander
here. Just very bad jokes.
Copyright ShamSports.com, 2005-2010. Every published word on this website
is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
the really stupid ones that I wish I'd never written.
