There follows a list of the remaining unsigned NBA free agents, and what they’re currently rumoured to be doing about their jobless selves. Most of these players are marginal, because we’re over a month into free agency now. Yet this list may still serve as a useful resource if you’re sifting through the remaining chunks of free agency vomit, looking for gold dust and/or your brand new watch, relentlessly apologising for ruining the whole party and vowing never to mix Bourbon and Gaymers again. Maybe.
NOTE – decent free agents from other leagues not listed partly because this is an NBA website, and partly because I don’t want to.
– Kevin Ollie: Recently anointed a role model for reasons other than just the moustache, that video is possibly the only thing on the internet that suggests that some teams want to sign Ollie. By the way, did you know that that’s how he spoke? I didn’t. I thought it’d be deeper than that. Ho hum.
– Shaun Livingston: Still not cleared to play basketball. In spite of this, the Clippers have talked to him about re-signing anyway, and Miami and Phoenix both also showed an interest. And why wouldn’t they?
– Sam Cassell: Said he intends to play one more year before becoming an assistant coach. “Expects” to stay with the Celtics, who don’t seem to be reciprocating quite as much. Cassell also recently either was or wasn’t a judge at a pole dancing competition, depending on whether you believe the Boston Globe or Sam himself.
– Jannero Pargo: Apparently on the cusp of signing with the San Antonio Spurs, which seems like an odd decision. Firstly, they don’t have much money to give him, which is the reason why Jannero has opted out of contracts two years in a row. Secondly, the reason that they don’t have any money is because they spent it on Roger Mason Jr, and why would you want to pair Jannero Pargo and Roger Mason Jr? Even if you start Mason – an idea fraught with danger – and persevere with bringing Manu Ginobili off of the bench, you still get a load of duplication from those two. So what’s the point?
– Darrell Armstrong: His agent says that Armstrong has turned down “multiple” coaching opportunities in favour of one more go-around as a player. (If that makes sense.) Orlando were mildly interested. The Nets….less so.
– Dan Dickau: Is considering signing with one of several European teams. He has to – the money’s good, and the NBA offers are sparse. More importantly, Dan Dickau is also to host a celebrity poker tournament, sweetened by the deal-breaking offer of a gift bag. So get famous and sign up.
– Damon Stoudamire: The only team with reported interest is Phoenix. It doesn’t seem surprising that no one’s looking at Damon, given how slowed he looked with the Spurs last year, and also because of the giant salad fork sticking out of his back.
– Jason Williams: My great idea for him to re-sign with Sacramento doesn’t seem to be working out, given that they brought back a different old boy instead in Bobby Jackson. Williams has had offers from at least one European team, but he doesn’t sound too keen on the idea. Shaq wants him in Phoenix, which doesn’t really mean anything.
– Andre Owens: No idea.
– Chris Quinn (restricted): Hot, apparently. The Timberwolves, Clippers, Hawks, Warriors and Wizards have apparently all expressed an interest, and the Heat still have a qualifying offer out there. Life is good for Chris Quinn, even if he is technically unemployed.
– Blake Ahearn: Says that Minnesota “really likes” him after his performances for their summer league team, but hasn’t signed anything yet.
– Ben Gordon (restricted): Wants a payday like the one Luol Deng just got, in spite of the fact that he has no free agency suitors other than the Bulls, and also that he isn’t as good as Deng. The Bulls want him back – or at least say that they do – and talks are ongoing. But, in the words of fabled philosopher Timbaland, it’s gone get ugly, if it hasn’t done so already.
– Michael Finley: His agent Henry Thomas says that Finley has turned down some fairly lucrative European offers in favour of a final turn in the NBA. His agent also claims that several “championship-calibre teams” want Finley, which means there’s no chance of a return to Dallas.
– Delonte West (restricted): Cleveland are negotiating with him, while also trying far harder to sign J.R. Smith, and simultaneously bringing in Tarence Kinsey as an insurance policy. That can’t make West feel good. Boston were supposedly interested in taking him back, and a well-paid European offer is on the table, as it is for basically everybody. In fact, it might make more sense for me to merely say who ISN’T being offered big money from Europe.
– Gordan Giricek: Wants to return to Phoenix, the team with whom he enjoyed a decent cameo to end last season, but the Suns won’t offer more than the minimum, which Giricek won’t take. There’s a lucrative European offer on the table – obviously – and also some NBA offers from teams that no one wants to name. They must be embarrassed at themselves or something.
– Ronald Murray: Cleveland “enquired”, and that’s all we’ve got. Is it me, or are the Indiana press totally disinterested in reporting the potential destinations of their free agent guards? We know they’re not going back to Indiana, but play the game, at least.
– Fred Jones: In keeping with our recent little string of “decent shooting guards getting unfairly overlooked”, Fred Jones is unsigned and unloved. Come on now. These players aren’t starters. But they’re decent players, being dealt the disservice of being stuck at the NBA deepest position. I demand that they be signed.
– Salim Stoudamire: I want to sign him. I’m the only one, though.
– Derek Anderson: Nothing.
– Von Wafer: Played summer league with the Knicks, but won’t make their roster.
– Shannon Brown: Couldn’t (or wouldn’t) get a summer league spot. He’s gone.
– Casey Jacobsen: Memphis waived Tarence Kinsey for this guy, don’t you know? Jacobsen isn’t going back to Memphis, and has no NBA interest to fall back on.
– Eric Piatkowski: In recent weeks, Piatkowski has lit the torch at the 24th Cornhusker State Games (whatever they are). However, there’s no news of another NBA contract, despite how much Pike wants it. Nonetheless, in that first link, we are treated to the finest Eric Piatkowski quote of all time:
I refuse to not be successful in everything I do.
Apart from double negative usage classes, you never will not be.
– Mario West: Stayed with Atlanta for summer league, but, without a qualifying offer, it doesn’t look too likely that he’s going back. No one else has said much.
– Ronald Dupree: Went to Oklahoma City’s summer league team wearing Seattle Supersonics-coloured shoes, albeit probably not on purpose. Unlikely to return, but the man remains confident.
– DerMarr Johnson: Being arrested for DUI didn’t do much to strengthen his position as a fringe NBA player.
– Andre Iguodala (restricted): Negotiations with the Sixers are still in “limbo”, but…come on. He’s going back there. Where else is he going? The man will fight for the biggest payday, but we all know that he’ll get one eventually. Let’s not pretend otherwise.
– Bonzi Wells: Surprisingly overlooked. New Orleans would rather bring back Ryan Bowen than Bonzi, which is the worst insult that you can give a man. The six-year contract from Sacramento that Bonzi turned down two years ago is getting ever more hurtful.
– Devean George: Has “several” suitors, but the Clippers are no longer among them, and Dallas apparently aren’t either.
– Dorell Wright (restricted): The Heat are “open” to a sign and trade, but to who? No one seems to have expressed an interest.
– Jeremy Richardson (restricted): You can pretty much pencil him in for the Hawks training camp.
– Louis Amundson: A month ago, it seemed a matter of time before Amundson signed a contract with the Golden State Warriors. But then it didn’t happen. And now I don’t know what’s happening.
– Demetris Nichols (restricted): With no suitors and a qualifying offer out there, he’ll almost certainly be going to the Bulls training camp, to battle for a spot with players cheaper than he.
– Awvee Storey: Had his team option declined by Milwaukee, but played on their summer league team anyway. Didn’t play very well.
– Michael Gelabale: No one seems interested, which is probably due to his bad knee injury more than anything.
– Ryan Bowen: See above. A league in which Ryan Bowen has more suitors than Quinton Ross is a very strange league indeed.
– Ira Newble: Nothing to report.
– Marcus Williams: Renounced by the Clippers, not courted by others.
– Linton Johnson: It would make sense to return to Phoenix for the minimum, but that’s just me theorising, and not a breaking news report.
– Kasib Powell (restricted): Played well for the Heat in summer league, and looks destined to at least go to their training camp, if not make the regular season roster.
– Josh Smith (restricted): Still unsigned, as well you know. But it’s hard to imagine Atlanta screwing this one up.
– Austin Croshere: Theories abound of a Golden State return, but nothing is certain.
– Paul Davis: The Clippers renounced him, but were talking about re-signing him anyway, until news of the impending Steve Novak trade. So that probably rules Davis out.
– James Augustine: Waived by Orlando. If anyone can explain to me how a man that wasn’t under contract was able to be waived, let me know.
– Othella Harrington: The knees don’t work any more, so don’t expect a return.
– Juwan Howard: Things are looking bleak.
– Andre Brown: Nada.
– Shavlik Randolph: Randolph didn’t look too bad in his rookie season but has barely taken the court since. No suitors, as you’d expect.
– Sean Marks: Can you believe that Sean Marks has been in the league for eight years now? How many games has he played in that time? Can’t be more than about 14, surely. Things don’t look good for a ninth year, but Phoenix seem to love veteran offensive players on minimum-salary contracts, so a third year there is still plausible.
– Pat Garrity: His agent said that he (Pat, not the agent) will probably retire if he doesn’t re-sign with Orlando. So he’s basically destined to retire.
– Nick Fazekas: The Clippers eventually retracted his qualifying offer – with his consent – which makes Fazekas a free man. Or, if you look at it another way, a homeless man.
– Jake Voskuhl: Doesn’t even register. NBA people barely acknowledge his existence. There is always a rush in September to sign tall “defensive” veteran centres, so Voskuhl may get work then, but any dreams of a contract similar to last year’s $3 million one from the Milwaukee Bucks have gone by now.
– Jamaal Magloire: See Voskuhl, but change it to $4 million. Maybe people are starting to recognise that he hasn’t been good for about four years.
– P.J. Brown: I have no evidence to back this up, but given that he just won the title, wouldn’t this be a good moment to call it quits?
– Dikembe Mutombo: His agent says that he won’t play for the minimum, which doesn’t bode well for his chances of a return to the cost-cutting Rockets. That’s OK – they’ll still have the best defensive team in the NBA even without him.
– Robert Swift (restricted): Oklahoma City seem keen to keep him, as evidenced by the qualifying offer that they gave him, despite how little he has played in two years. Other teams seem more perturbed by Swift’s incessant knee problems, perhaps rightly so. Personally, I hope it all works out great for him.
– Michael Doleac: His agent offered Doleac’s services to Orlando, but do they really need another backup big man? Does anyone, in fact?
– Chris Richard (restricted): Kevin McHale makes it sound as though Richard’s definitely returning. The cheap price and the lack of suitors seem to confirm this.
– Theo Ratliff: I swear I read somewhere during midseason that he intended to retire after this season, but I can’t find it now, so forget that I said anything.
– David Harrison: The Pacers have ruled out re-signing him, leaving Harrison with roughly zero options.
– Earl Barron: The Heat are out of room, and Barron’s not 18 years old any more. No suitors.
– Alonzo Mourning: Said “one more season” for about the fifth time, but hasn’t signed yet.
– Scot Pollard: Unsigned, and not courted, which probably has something to do with the reconstructive surgery on both ankles.
– Dwayne Jones: Not expected back with Cleveland, which leaves him out of luck. Shame.
– Michael Ruffin: No news is normally good news, unless you’re Michael Ruffin and you’re awaiting news from your agent of possible contract offers from NBA teams.
– Didier Ilunga-Mbenga: Might be invited to the Lakers training camp, or he might not. It’s going to be inconsequential either way.
– Lorenzen Wright: Considering how bad he was during his two years in Atlanta – when he had 186 points, 253 rebounds and 230 fouls – I’m going to go out on a limb and say that no one will sign him. I’ve got a crow ready and waiting, but I think he’s safe.