The 2014 Ridiculous Basketball Player Names Bracket, Elite Eight
March 31st, 2014

[Previously: First round, second round, sweet sixteen.]

Due to an administrative error whereby I accidentally set the Sweet Sixteen polls to run for a week longer than they were supposed to, the 2014 Ridiculous Basketball Player Names Tournament is still going on, having lost all its previous momentum. Nevertheless, we are down to the Elite Eight. Here are the matchups!

(Click here for full size version)

As always, these names are completely genuine. If you don’t believe it, Google it.


(1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims v (3) Typhoon Dusk Nurse

Journeys so far:

(1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims

First round: Won 359-40 v (16) Indiana Faithfull
Second round: Won 125-39 v (8) God’sgift Achiuwa
Sweet Sixteen: Won 85-37 v (5) Solomon HorseChief

The Chief has not even flinched in his run to the Elite Eight thus far, not even batting an eyelid in the expected-classic Chief v HorseChief Sweet Sixteen matchup he ultimately won comfortably.…

Posted by at 7:58 PM

Kings to sign Chris Johnson
March 26th, 2014

Tomorrow, the Sacramento Kings will sign former LSU Celtics, Blazers, Hornets and Timberwolves big man Chris Johnson. It is not known at this time whether it will be for the remainder of the season, multiple seasons, or a 10 day deal.

Johnson has spent this season in China, averaging 20.0 points, 11.2 rebounds and 2.0 blocks in 29 games for Zhejiang Guangsha Lions. The 28 year old is known for his length, athleticism and shot-blocking.

With a roster spot already open after the waiving of Jimmer Fredette, and with Orlando Johnson’s 10 day contract having expired, Sacramento has only 14 players under contract and will not need to make a move to accommodate Johnson.…

Posted by at 12:06 AM

The 2014 Ridiculous Basketball Player Names Bracket, Sweet Sixteen
March 19th, 2014

The results are in from the second round, and so it’s Sweet 16 time!

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(1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims v (5) Solomon HorseChief:

Vote wisely. Vote HorseChief.

Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims or Solomon HorseChief?

(3) Typhoon Dusk Nurse v (7) Ruben Boumtje Boumtje:

Should Nurse lose points on account of his decision to mostly go by “Ty Nurse”, instead of the full glory that is his name? And with that in mind, does Ruben earn points for embracing the double boom?

Typhoon Dusk Nurse or Ruben Boumtje Boumtje?


(1) Steeve Ho You Fat v (5) Lior Lipshits:

Ho You Fat seems unassaible here……

Steeve Ho You Fat or Lior Lipshits?

Posted by at 10:00 PM

The 2014 Ridiculous Basketball Player Names Bracket, Second Round
March 12th, 2014

The results are in from the first round, and there were upsets. It’s almost like a proper bracket.

(Click here for full size version)

In accordance with prophecy, the number one seeds made it through unscathed, Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims and Steeve Ho You Fat putting up dominating performances in securing 85%+ of the votes in their matchups. However, the same can not be said of the #2 seeds, where a 2 v 15 upset went down. It was nearly two – in the Compounding The Problem Regional, the underseeded and underrated Staats Battle almost overcame B.J. Banjo, leading for much of the way before a late rally saw Banjo win in a captivating 50%/49% split of the vote (no word on where the missing percent went), while Galal Cancer comfortably handed it to fellow number #2 seed Patrick Willybiro, a name that Americans presumably do not see the funny side of due to transatlantic slang differences, in the What The Hell?…

Posted by at 9:23 PM

The 2014 Ridiculous Basketball Player Names Bracket
March 5th, 2014

[Voting is now over. Go to ROUND TWO.]

In compiling a scouting database, hopefully to be launched in June time, I have spent a lot of time rooting through rosters of basketball teams all around the globe. And while this website and the subsequent database are to be completely serious – this website is one man’s CV, after all – I would be lying if I denied that all this trawling had uncovered some awesome player names along the way,

Funny names are funny, and the idea of bracketing a bunch of them is not new. The Name of the Year competition started back in 1983, before the author of this bracket was even a sperm, and that baton has been passed to new ownership, who last year awarded Leo Moses Spornstarr the 2013 winner of the world’s ultimate accolade.…

Posted by at 6:56 PM