Chicago's Meticulously Crafted 2011 Offseason Plan That Relies An Awful Lot Upon Guesswork
June 9th, 2011

Nothing cheers me up more than heavily contrived and extremely implausible hypothetical transactions for the Chicago Bulls.1 Taking a team’s cap situation, and attempting to maximize the basketball assets that they can get from using it, is what I wish to spend my life doing. It is this love of salary cap manipulation and amateurish talent evaluation that has in the past produced seminal works such as the four team 16 player trade that intended to bring Carmelo Anthony

Posted by at 10:26 PM

2009 NBA Training Camp predictions, revisited
October 29th, 2009

At the start of the month, over the course of three posts united by the overused theme of Alec Baldwin’s monologue from Glengarry Glen Ross, I attempted to analyse and predict the training camp rosters of every team in the NBA.

For the hell of it, here’s the monologue again:

Preseason is now over, and rosters have been set. Here are my predictions again, along with a depressing look at their whimpering inaccuracy and some half-baked excuses for my own …

Posted by at 9:42 PM

Preview Sort Of Thing: Chicago Bulls
October 23rd, 2008

The Bulls are, quite possibly, the hardest team in the league to gauge right now. Every one of their significant players is a question mark. Other than predicting Larry Hughes will shoot a pull-up 18 footer on 85% of the fast breaks that he’s involved in, there’s nothing that you can say with any conviction about this current Bulls roster. It’s a poser.

Theoretically, they could be great. This is still, essentially, the same 49-win second round team of the …

Posted by at 6:29 AM

Preview Sort Of Thing: Milwaukee Bucks
October 23rd, 2008

The Milwaukee Bucks and their new head coach Scott Skiles are an eclectic mix. Recent Skiles-free Bucks teams have been capable of repeated instances of really bad defence, whereas recent Skiles-led Bulls teams (last year excluded) have been one of the best defensive units in the NBA. Make no mistake about it – Scott Skiles can coach defence. He really can. He even made Michael Sweetney and Eddy Curry into decent defensive players, briefly.

In theory, therefore, a union of …

Posted by at 6:29 AM

Preview Sort Of Thing: Portland Trail Blazers
October 20th, 2008

I write this post while speaking from inside a pair of Portland Trail Blazers shorts. It’s not the smartest choice of garb right now, given that it’s essentially snowing outside. But I’m wearing them anyway, because I’m a maverick, who doesn’t play by the rules, a Mad Max gone maniacal, a man whose killing expertise and suicidal recklessness make him a Lethal Weapon to anyone he works against. Or with.

I own these shorts for two reasons:

1. As a

Posted by at 8:02 PM

Preview Sort Of Thing: Sacramento Kings
October 20th, 2008

As an aspiring GM with no qualifications or career prospects to speak of, and whose sole outreach into the world of the NBA is this distinctly amateur and unattractive site full of mild slander, I enjoy certain advantages. One of those is the ability to do what I want, to a half-baked standard, and then to abandon it prematurely. This explains what happened with last year’s “30 teams in 30 or so days” series of predictions, where I started well, …

Posted by at 12:02 AM

With apologies to Dwight Howard
January 6th, 2008

In my season preview of the Orlando Magic, written back in October and located here, I wrote something that looks a bit stupid in hindsight. At this point, I’d quite like to try and weasel my way out most of it.

The following are some quotes that I stand by:

It would be very difficult if not impossible to provide a commentary on the Rashard Lewis sign-and-trade while also managing to take an interesting or unique viewpoint, or

Posted by at 8:04 PM

30 teams in 56 or so days: Minnesota Timberwolves
November 9th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Greg Buckner (acquired from Dallas)
Michael Doleac (acquired from Miami)
Antoine Walker (acquired from Miami)
Theo Ratliff (acquired from Boston)
Ryan Gomes (acquired from Boston)
Al Jefferson (acquired from Boston)
Sebastian Telfair (acquired from Boston)
Gerald Green (acquired from Boston)

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: Corey Brewer (7th overall)
Second round: Chris Richard (41st overall)

 

Players retained:

None

 

Players departed:

Mark Blount (traded to Miami)
Ricky Davis (traded to

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 56 or so days: Miami Heat
October 27th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Mark Blount (acquired from Minnesota)
Ricky Davis (acquired from Minnesota)
Smush Parker (signed, two years, $4,680,000)
Joel Anthony, Brian Chase, Devin Green, Penny Hardaway, Alexander Johnson, Jeremy Richardson and Marcus Slaughter (all signed to the minimum salary with assorted levels of partial guarantees. If you include holdovers Earl Barron and Chris Quinn, you have eight players on the bubble, four of whom are going to have to be

Posted by at 7:58 AM

30 teams in as many days as it takes: Dallas Mavericks
October 24th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Brandon Bass (two year minimum)
Trenton Hassell (acquired from Minnesota)
Eddie Jones (two year, full BAE)

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: None
Second round: Nick Fazekas (34th overall), Reyshawn Terry (44th overall, unsigned), Reinaldas Seibutis (50th overall, unsigned)

 

Players retained:

Jerry Stackhouse (re-signed, three years, $22,376,250, I think)
Devean George (opted out, re-signed, one year, $2,369,111)
Devin Harris (signed a five year extension)
DeSagana Diop (exercised team option)

 

Players

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 524 or so days: Charlotte Bobcats
October 20th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Jason Richardson (acquired from Golden State)

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: Jared Dudley (22nd overall)
Second round: Jermareo Davidson (36th overall)

 

Players retained:

Derek Anderson (re-signed, one year minimum)
Jeff McInnis (re-signed, one year minimum)
Matt Carroll (re-signed, six years, $26,900,000)
Gerald Wallace (re-signed, six years, $57,000,000)
Ryan Hollins (exercised team option)
Walter Herrmann (exercised team option)
Primoz Brezec (opted in)

 

Players departed:

Alan Anderson (signed in Italy)
Jake

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 88 or so days: New Orleans Hornets
October 16th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Morris Peterson (four years, $22.4 million)
Melvin Ely (two year minimum)
David Wesley (acquired from Cleveland, to be waived)
Ryan Bowen (one year minimum)
Trey Johnson (two year minimum)

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: Julian Wright (13th overall)
Second round: Adam Haluska (43rd overall)

 

Players retained:

Jannero Pargo (re-signed, two years, $3,806,400)

 

Players departed:

Brandon Bass (signed with Dallas)
Devin Brown (signed with Cleveland)
Marc Jackson (signed in Greece)

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 36 or so days: New York Knicks
September 29th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Zach Randolph (acquired from Portland)
Dan Dickau (acquired from Portland)
Fred Jones (acquired from Portland)

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: Wilson Chandler (23rd overall)
Second round: Demetris Nichols (53rd overall, rights acquired from Portland, not yet signed)

 

Players retained:

Malik Rose (opted in)

 

Players departed:

Kelvin Cato (unsigned)
Channing Frye (traded to Portland)
Steve Francis (traded to Portland)

 

Bobbins:

If he has not done so already, Isiah Thomas …

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 36 or so days: Memphis Grizzlies
September 28th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Andre Brown (one year minimum)
Casey Jacobsen (one year minimum)
Darko Milicic (three years, $21.06 million)
Juan Carlos Navarro (rights acquired from Washington, signed for one year and slightly above the minimum)

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: Mike Conley Jr (4th overall)
Second round: None

 

Players retained:

Tarence Kinsey (exercised team option)

 

Players departed:

Dahntay Jones (signed with Boston)
Chucky Atkins (signed with Denver)
Lawrence Roberts (signed in Greece)

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 36 or so days: Denver Nuggets
September 27th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Chucky Atkins (three years, $9.72 million)
Steven Hunter (acquired from Philadelphia)
Bobby Jones (acquired from Philadelphia)

 

Players acquired via draft:

None

 

Players retained:

Anthony Carter (waived, then re-signed, saving about $800,000)
Eduardo Najera (opted in)

 

Players departed:

Reggie Evans (traded to Philadelphia)
Steve Blake (signed with Portland)
DerMarr Johnson (signed in Italy)
Jamal Samspon (signed with Dallas)

 

Words:

When you spend $162 million on only three players in one …

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 36 or so days: Seattle Supersonics
September 27th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Kurt Thomas (acquired from Phoenix)
Wally Szczerbiak (acquired from Boston)
Delonte West (acquired from Boston)

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: Kevin Durant (2nd overall), Jeff Green (5th overall)
Second round: None

 

Players retained:

None

 

Players departed:

Danny Fortson (unsigned)
Mike Wilks (unsigned)
Randy Livingston (unsigned)
Rashard Lewis (signed and traded to Orlando for way too much)
Ray Allen (traded to Boston)
Andre Brown (signed with Memphis)

 

Bobbins:

It’s …

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 36 or so days: Cleveland Cavaliers
September 25th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

No one

 

Players acquired via draft:

No one

 

Players retained:

Ira Newble (opted in)

 

Players departed:

Dwayne Jones (left unrestricted, unsigned), Scot Pollard (signed with Boston)

 

Recap:

They didn’t do anything.

 

Next season:

So they’re still not good enough.

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 36 or so days: Chicago Bulls
September 23rd, 2007

Chicago Bulls

 

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Joe Smith (two years, $10 million)

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: Joakim Noah (9th overall)
Second round: Aaron Gray (49th overall), JamesOn Curry (51st overall)

 

Players retained:

Andres Nocioni (re-signed, six years, $45 million)

 

Players departed:

Malik Allen (signed with New Jersey), Michael Sweetney (left unrestricted, unsigned), P.J. Brown (unsigned), Andre Barrett (made restricted, unsigned, may yet return), Martynas Andriuskevicius (left unrestricted, signed in Spain)

 …

Posted by at 12:45 AM

30 teams in 36 or so days: Golden State Warriors
September 22nd, 2007

Golden State

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Austin Croshere (one year minimum)
Troy Hudson (one year minimum)
Kosta Perovic (previous draft pick, three years, $5.832 million)

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: Brandon Wright (8th overall), Marco Belinelli (18th overall)
Second round: Stephane Lasme (46th overall)

 

Players retained:

Matt Barnes (re-signed, one year, $3 million), Kelenna Azubuike (re-signed, two year minimum)

 

Players departed:

Sarunas Jasikevicius (bought out, to sign in Europe), Adonal Foyle (bought out,

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 36 or so days: Orlando Magic
September 16th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Rashard Lewis (signed and traded from Seattle, six years, $112,753,504)
Adonal Foyle (two year minimum)
Marcin Gortat (two year minimum)

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: None
Second round: Miroslav Rakovic (60th overall, unsigned)

 

Players retained:

Keyon Dooling (opted in), Pat Garrity (opted in)

 

Players departed:

Travis Diener (signed with Indiana), Grant Hill (signed with Phoenix), Darko Milicic (signed with Memphis), Bo Outlaw (unsigned, may yet return)

 

Bobbins:

In …

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 36 or so days: Milwaukee Bucks
September 15th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Desmond Mason (two years, $10.4 million)
Jake Voskuhl (one year, $3 million)
Awvee Storey (one year minimum)

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: Yi Jianlian (6th overall)
Second round: Ramon Sessions (56th overall)

 

Players retained:

Maurice Williams (re-signed, six years, $51.263 million)

 

Players departed:

Ersan Ilyasova (signed in Spain, rights retained), Charlie Bell (unsigned, rights retained for now), Damir Markota (waived on general principle, see blog entry), Earl Boykins (opted

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 36 or so days: Atlanta Hawks
September 12th, 2007

Atlanta Hawks

 

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

None

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: Al Horford (3rd overall), Acie Law IV (11th overall)

 

Players retained:

None

 

Players departed:

Royal Ivey (unsigned), Slava Medvedenko (unsigned), Esteban Batista (unsigned)

 

Bobbins:

The Hawks got lucky, I think they would admit that. The Joe Johnson trade of 2005 left the Hawks owing two first-round picks to Phoenix. One of these had already been conveyed, and was …

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 36 or so days: Philadelphia 76ers
September 10th, 2007

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Jack diddly

 

Players acquired via draft:

First round: Thaddeus Young (12th overall), Jason Smith (20th overall, acquired in draft night trade)
Second round: Derrick Byars (42nd overall, acquired in draft night trade, unsigned), Herbert Hill (55th overall, acquired in draft night trade, unsigned)

 

Players retained:

Louis Williams (exercised team option), Shavlik Randolph (exercised player option)

 

Players departed:

Joe Smith (signed with Chicago), Alan Henderson (unsigned, might yet return)

 

Bobbins:

Posted by at 11:54 PM

30 teams in 36 or so days: L.A. Clippers
September 9th, 2007

This is the first of 30 instalments that will serve the dual purpose of being both offseason recaps and poorly thought-out predictions for next season, for all 30 NBA teams. These will be done in an order: that order is the order that I choose to do them in. There won’t be an alphabetical approach, nor one based on standings. They’ll be truly random. Randomness is the future.

___________________________________________

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Brevin Knight (two years,

Posted by at 11:54 PM