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Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Name that player!

As is my wont of an evening, I sometimes trawl through the rosters and box scores of the more obscure leagues of this world, looking for two things - players I've heard of (so as to see what they're now up to), and any novelties I happen upon along the way. In doing so today, I found the following eyecatching player description.

According to the internet, the perfect basketball player exists. His EuroBasket.com profile describes him as follows:

An emotional leader on the court. A highflyer. Very talented player that can move easily from SG to SF and even some limited minutes at PG because of his GREAT court vision. Has great range on his shot and is a threat well beyond the 3 pt arc as he has worked to improve his accuracy beyond the line. Handles opposing pressure very well allowing team mates to score open easy buckets. He cannot be double teamed as he kills opposing teams with the right passes and athletic drives to the basket. Has the ability to take over a game when necessary at either end of the floor. A very athletic player he also has the ability to rebound with the best of them when necessary. Also a great defender will always be called upon to shut down the opposing teams' best player. Very athletic with great body control allows him to take contact and finish strongly at the rim to consistently get the shot off. Will find a variety of ways to score and will make good shot selections with the shot clock running down.


That player sounds perfect. The perfect all around player, great offensively and defensively, unselfish, a perfect team mate, a perfect son in law, wonderful husband material, the works. This player seems like they're destined for the very top. Who is this international man of mystery?

Why, it's Reggie Evans from Division 2 Metro State, of course.

(Not THAT Reggie Evans. The other one.)

To be fair to Reggie, he is averaging 26.8 points per game in the Luxembourg league this year, so he clearly has some semblance of ability. However, that description never clarifies the difference between being LeBron James and being the LeBron James of Luxembourg. Agent's sales pitches are the worst. You might as well have told us nothing.

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"The brain behind ShamSports could have been featured in a number of these Twitter lists, but because his website often spends our entire working day lodged in one of our browser tabs we decided to take the boring route and place Mark amongst the professors. Deeks might be the funniest man you've never met, he does exhaustive work with the NBA's salary minutiae and transaction follow-ups, and he's a stone-cold must-follow. Stone-cold fox, too, ladies. Or, some gentlemen."