Bruce Bowen has forged himself a career as a defensive specialist, who is good at what he does, but whose reputation as a dirty player is justified. Using every trick in the book - because he can - Bowen is always assigned to the other team's best offensive wingman, and promptly sticks to them like glue for the rest of the game. If they try to go to the rim, Bowen is right there in front of them, tracking their every move. And if they try to cut off the ball for an open jumpshot, Bowen fights his way through screens to still be on top of them when they catch the ball.
Bowen's ability to stay close to his man borders on stalking - he can frequently be seen in the wrong huddle during timeouts, and he once stuck so close to Chris Whitney during a game that he actually followed him into the toilet when Whitney went to have a shit, sneakily kicking him in the ankles when the refs weren't looking. He is devoted, if a little creepy.
In addition to his dirty and/or aggressive defense (choose your own adjective - whichever way you want to describe it, it works), Bowen is also somewhat notorious for his crappy offensive ability. Despite his occasional forays into normalcy by taking dribbles and shooting shots from within the three point line (forays that are strongly advised against), Bowen basically only takes wide open out of the corner three pointers. That's essentially the sum total of his offense, outside of the occasional gimme.
He's also really bad at shooting free throws, and in the 2002/03 season, he shot a notably higher three point percentage than free throw percentage. This led to hundreds of millions of people doing the "try from behind the three point line!" joke every time Bowen missed a free throw.
If you were one of these people, kill yourself. You aren't funny, you aren't interesting, you aren't unique. You aren't anything, really. You offer nothing to this world and you are entirely unlovable. Making that "joke" isn't a million miles away from what Adolf Hitler was doing to European Jews. So if you made that joke, you support ethnic cleansing.
Think about that.
- 4th April, 2009.
Anagram: "Web bouncer," an exaggerated term for a forum moderator.
Agent: Lon Babby (Williams & Connolly). Formerly Steve Kauffman.
Note: As you can probably tell,
some of the nicknames were made up. Many are genuine, though, and they
are only made up in the instances where a real one couldn't be traced.
Many given nicknames are of common usage, but some are also sourced
from lesser known sources - these sources are not often cited, not because
I hate the people involved, but because there's too many to do so. For
argument's sake, just assume that the unfunny ones are mine.
In the event where more than one agent is listed, this is because the
player has more than one agent. Simple, really. This is rather commonplace
- a lot of times, a player will sign with a big agency, and they will
have both primary and secondary agents from within that agency to handle
their affairs. (Where that happens, the primary agent is listed first.)
Also, foreign players tend to have both American and domestic agents.
Where the details of such are known, they are listed. It's essentially
like a fun multiple choice game, except without the "fun", "multiple
choice" and "game" elements.
Additionally - don't sue. We're only having a laugh. There's no slander
here. Just very bad jokes.
Copyright ShamSports.com, 2005-2010. Every published word on this website
is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
the really stupid ones that I wish I'd never written.
