The 2014 Ridiculous Basketball Player Names Bracket, Sweet Sixteen
March 19th, 2014

The results are in from the second round, and so it’s Sweet 16 time! (Click here for full size version) THE “WHAT THE HELL?” REGIONAL (1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims v (5) Solomon HorseChief: Vote wisely. Vote HorseChief. Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims or Solomon HorseChief? (3) Typhoon Dusk Nurse v (7) Ruben Boumtje Boumtje: Should Nurse lose points on account of his decision to mostly go by “Ty Nurse”, instead of the full glory that is his name? And with that in mind, does Ruben earn points for embracing the double boom? Typhoon Dusk Nurse or Ruben Boumtje Boumtje? THE “SURNAMES THAT HAD NO CHANCE AT LIFE” REGIONAL (1) Steeve Ho You Fat v (5) Lior Lipshits: Ho You Fat seems unassaible here…… Steeve Ho You Fat or Lior Lipshits? (6) Moran Shitrit v (10) Stanley Titsworth: …..and if someone is going to upset Steeve in this regional, it might have to be the upstart Titsworth, who I underseeded on account of other’s stark insistence that it wasn’t funny, despite knowing full well that it was. Moran Shitrit or Stanley Titsworth? THE “BRILLIANT FIRST NAME CHOICES” REGIONAL (1) Justin-in’Love Smith v (12) Semen Antonov: Big battle here between Love and Semen, a choice no one should ever have to face. Justin-in’Love Smith or Semen Antonov? (3) Spongy Benjamin v (10) Scientific Mapp: Confession time – Mapp nearly didn’t make the bracket at all. Consider it a lesson learned. Spongy Benjamin or Scientific Mapp? THE “COMPOUNDING THE PROBLEM” REGIONAL (1) Gang Wang v (5) Chubby Cox: Again, a choice no one should ever have to face. Gang Wang or Chubby Cox? (3) Karolina Puss v (2) Ebenezer Noonoo: If you were at any point wondering what Noonoo has gotten up to in his professional life since the collegiate playing days from whence his […]

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The 2014 Ridiculous Basketball Player Names Bracket, Second Round
March 12th, 2014

The results are in from the first round, and there were upsets. It’s almost like a proper bracket. (Click here for full size version) In accordance with prophecy, the number one seeds made it through unscathed, Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims and Steeve Ho You Fat putting up dominating performances in securing 85%+ of the votes in their matchups. However, the same can not be said of the #2 seeds, where a 2 v 15 upset went down. It was nearly two – in the Compounding The Problem Regional, the underseeded and underrated Staats Battle almost overcame B.J. Banjo, leading for much of the way before a late rally saw Banjo win in a captivating 50%/49% split of the vote (no word on where the missing percent went), while Galal Cancer comfortably handed it to fellow number #2 seed Patrick Willybiro, a name that Americans presumably do not see the funny side of due to transatlantic slang differences, in the What The Hell? Regional. If transatlantic humour divides lead to upsets, this might be a good thing. With the exception of the Compounding The Problem Regional, where all top eight seeds made it through, there were upsets all throughout the bracket. There were four in the Brilliant First Name Choices Regional alone, not least of which was the comprehensive win of Semen Antonov over Jordair Jett, a man seeded as high as he was due only to the internet’s insistence that his name was really, really great. Once again, then, it is proven that people love Semen. SirValiant Brown was similarly comprehensive in his 4 v 13 upset of the always overrated Deuce Bello, whose close association to a man called Bummy was rightly not overvalued by the voters. And in what to many was the choice tie of the first round, […]

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