Joakim Noah is an interesting package. (Notice I said "is", not "has".) You could probably predict some of that based off of his picture above. But then again, should we expect anything other than being interesting, from the son of tennis champion Yannick Noah and a former Miss Sweden whose name I forgot?
(There's the inevitable comment about Noah's heritage out of the way. And now, a hair joke.)
Armed with a seriously off-kilter jumpshot, the desire to yell at every opportune moment, and a full head of very frizzy hair, Joakim can also play the sport a bit too. Aggressive and shouty, Noah overcomes his lack of strength by working far harder than the other people. He is also athletic, can run and leap through meadows, and other such poetic descriptions of graceful movement.
He has skills, too. Noah is not a post-up offensive player, but he has some touch with both hands around the rim, and he can run the floor better than almost all other centres. He does get stripped of the ball every single time he goes up for a layup, and is easier to win position off than a notoriously passive toddler, yet his speed and agility allow him to face up and get by other big men, outrun them, and create some looks for himself around the basket. Noah is a very good ball handler and passer for a guy of his size, unselfish, and somewhat accepting of his limitations as an offensive player, most of which come from his lack of strength. (His weird arsed jumpshot/free throw release don't help, either. Hence the nickname.) Noah rebounds well with his good reach and work ethic, and is a good weak side shotblocker, even if his defensive rotations and focus aren't all that. His rebounding rate is also pretty prolific, especially on offense. He does foul too much, however, and he needs to improve his strength and his jumpshot (the range, the accuracy, and the God awful motion). Some sense of humility and giving up the weed would help too.
Most importantly, though, Noah has MILF. And that's always good.
- 23rd February, 2009.
Anagram: "Hook in a jam", a timely curveball with the bases loaded.
Agent: Bill Strickland/Donald Dell (Blue Entertainment Sports Television)
Note: As you can probably tell,
some of the nicknames were made up. Many are genuine, though, and they
are only made up in the instances where a real one couldn't be traced.
Many given nicknames are of common usage, but some are also sourced
from lesser known sources - these sources are not often cited, not because
I hate the people involved, but because there's too many to do so. For
argument's sake, just assume that the unfunny ones are mine.
In the event where more than one agent is listed, this is because the
player has more than one agent. Simple, really. This is rather commonplace
- a lot of times, a player will sign with a big agency, and they will
have both primary and secondary agents from within that agency to handle
their affairs. (Where that happens, the primary agent is listed first.)
Also, foreign players tend to have both American and domestic agents.
Where the details of such are known, they are listed. It's essentially
like a fun multiple choice game, except without the "fun", "multiple
choice" and "game" elements.
Additionally - don't sue. We're only having a laugh. There's no slander
here. Just very bad jokes.
Copyright ShamSports.com, 2005-2009. Every published word on this website
is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
the really stupid ones that I wish I'd never written.
