"Enigma" would be one adjective for Scalabrine. Alternatively, so would "poor".
Scalabrine is what you'd be left with if you took a prime Chris Webber, made him white and ginger, and also rid him of his athleticism and talent. He is eerie in that he does a bit of everything, but you have to be very generous with the words "a bit". Because it's, very literally, a bit. He'll make a nice pass, once a week. He'll make a jumpshot, once a week. He'll make a tough rebound, once a month. And occasionally, he'll make smart basketball plays and do something correctly. In the interim periods, though, he'll just stumble around fouling, looking sexy and ginger, waving towels and bouncing his moobs.
Scalabrine's strengths are his hustle, his three point range, and his decent passing skills. Unfortunately, everything else is against him. Slow, unathletic and kind of fat, there isn't a defensive matchup in this league that favours Brian Scalabrine, nor is there an offensive position that best suits him. Scalabrine is not a good rebounder, not a good finisher, not able to penetrate, not a shotblocker, and not a ball handler. To a certain extent, you have to hide him on both ends of the floor. And that's not easy or fun to do.
At the very least, you can always be assured that Brian Scalabrine wants it really badly. But that only makes it all the more upsetting that he just doesn't have it.
- 17th February, 2009.
Anagram: "Lesbian crab rain", so pack an umbrella.
Agent: Arn Tellem/Bob Myers (Wasserman Media Group)
Note: As you can probably tell,
some of the nicknames were made up. Many are genuine, though, and they
are only made up in the instances where a real one couldn't be traced.
Many given nicknames are of common usage, but some are also sourced
from lesser known sources - these sources are not often cited, not because
I hate the people involved, but because there's too many to do so. For
argument's sake, just assume that the unfunny ones are mine.
In the event where more than one agent is listed, this is because the
player has more than one agent. Simple, really. This is rather commonplace
- a lot of times, a player will sign with a big agency, and they will
have both primary and secondary agents from within that agency to handle
their affairs. (Where that happens, the primary agent is listed first.)
Also, foreign players tend to have both American and domestic agents.
Where the details of such are known, they are listed. It's essentially
like a fun multiple choice game, except without the "fun", "multiple
choice" and "game" elements.
Additionally - don't sue. We're only having a laugh. There's no slander
here. Just very bad jokes.
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is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
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