Every now and then, players come along that are described as being able to play every position on the floor. Magic Johnson was one of the few that could, and he did this so well that he was able to go by the rather grandiose nickname of Magic without anybody calling him out on it. Boris Diaw can and has done this, although he hasn't done it well enough to get the grandiose nickname. Antoine Walker (in his prime) and Lamar Odom are two others who have done it, to some degree.
Kevin Garnett has been named in the past as one of these players. It's not true, for he cannot play the guard spots. But to even be considered as one of these players is a testament to quite how skilled he is.
A Hall of Fame calibre player Garnett is very athletic, very strong, very intense (oh Jesus is he ever intense), and supremely skilled. He can pass and initiate most of the offense. He can play from the high post, the low post, and the perimeter. He can shoot consistently out to about 20 feet, and can hit the occasional three. He has a lethal (LETHAL, I say) turnaround fallaway jumpshot from the post, that no one can block and which goes in at a tremendous rate. He's one of the game's best rebounders. He's a good defender, both on his man and when helping from the weak side. He has every skill in the book, and every fundamental. He makes his teammates and his team better.
However, he's also a massive twat. Garnett can't help but override his basketball abilities with a lifelong sideshow that sees him spew crap clichés and supposed statements of unity in an incessant and self-effacing loop. He is well renowned as a highly intense basketball player and human being, yet he also spends his life trying to convince you that he's REALLY INTENSE. I AM SO INTENSE RIGHT NOW. I WANT TO WIN SO BADLY. YEAAAAAAH, LOOK AT ME SHOUT!!!! I'M GOING TO START A FIGHT BECAUSE I'M SO INTENSE!!! AND THEN I SHALL FLEE IT!!!
It's cute if you like him. If you don't, it's the actions of a scrote. I used to be on one side of the fence, but I have now firmly switched to the other. I'll let you decide which way around it is.
- 6th August, 2009.
Anagram: "Rank vignette", an unsuccessful Monty Python sketch.
Note: As you can probably tell,
some of the nicknames were made up. Many are genuine, though, and they
are only made up in the instances where a real one couldn't be traced.
Many given nicknames are of common usage, but some are also sourced
from lesser known sources - these sources are not often cited, not because
I hate the people involved, but because there's too many to do so. For
argument's sake, just assume that the unfunny ones are mine.
In the event where more than one agent is listed, this is because the
player has more than one agent. Simple, really. This is rather commonplace
- a lot of times, a player will sign with a big agency, and they will
have both primary and secondary agents from within that agency to handle
their affairs. (Where that happens, the primary agent is listed first.)
Also, foreign players tend to have both American and domestic agents.
Where the details of such are known, they are listed. It's essentially
like a fun multiple choice game, except without the "fun", "multiple
choice" and "game" elements.
Additionally - don't sue. We're only having a laugh. There's no slander
here. Just very bad jokes.
Copyright ShamSports.com, 2005-2009. Every published word on this website
is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
the really stupid ones that I wish I'd never written.
