"He's a very attractive man. He'll be instructing you as to how to look at him, and the different angles of how good he looks, on a daily basis." - Scot Pollard about Peja Stojakovic
Mengke Bateer Is A Coconut Wielding Homicidal Badass
Everyone remembers their first Mengke Bateer experience. Mine came in the 2000 Olympics. In a game against the USA in which Yao Ming beasted from three point range (true story), and in which Wang Zhizhi picked up four first half fouls, Mengke came in and hit some mid range jumpshots, in that way that he does. It was kind of fun, if ultimately kind of forgettable. (Although it can't have been that forgettable if I was able to remember it just now. Hmmm. Never mind then.)
Bateer went on to enjoy a few years in the NBA. He started out as a training camp signee of the Denver Nuggets in 2002, yet was waived before the season started. He thus went back to China and averaged 24.3 points and 14.2 rebounds per game for Beijing, before returning to the Nuggets in February 2002 to see out the season with them. Bateer played in 27 games for that God awful Nuggets team and even squeezed out 10 starts, averaging 5.1 points, 3.6 rebounds and 3.5 fouls in 15 minutes per game. You'll no doubt have noticed that that's a lot of fouls.
That offseason, Bateer - who had been signed through 2003 - was a throw-in by Denver in the trade with Detroit that saw him, Don Reid and a first round pick swapped for Rodney White. That pick was later traded to Atlanta (who used it on Josh Smith) as the centrepiece of the Rasheed Wallace deal; in a way, therefore, Mengke Bateer was an integral part of building the 2003-04 NBA champion Detroit Pistons. An underrated bad Kiki Vanderweghe trade, that one. (It was perhaps overshadowed by the fact that it came in the same offseason as the drafting of Nikoloz Tskitishvili, a move you may have heard about.)
Nevertheless, despite how much Bateer had brought to the franchise, Detroit moved him on without him playing a game for them. He was traded to San Antonio just after camp opened in exchange for a 2003 second round draft pick, one which the Pistons then used on Andreas Glyniadakis. Bateer spent the whole year with the Spurs, but played only 46 minutes in 12 games, racking up another 14 fouls in that time and posting a PER of -8.4. His most significant contribution to that season was coming in and shooting two free throws in a game as an injury replacement, selected by whoever the opposing team was, presumably after they took one look at him and assumed he was terrible at foul shots (which he isn't; far from it, in fact). Bateer obliged them and missed them both. They were his only foul shots all season.
Despite it all, Bateer won an NBA championship ring that season, the first Chinese player to ever do so. The only other one to have done has been Sun Yue. It's hard to say who was more important to their teams respective titles, but the stats give the edge to Mengke; his -8.4 PER for the Spurs in 2003 practically destroys Yue's -8.6 PER for the Lakers in 2009. Represent.
The Spurs let Bateer go that offseason, even though he'd sort of helped them win a title. At that point came Toronto, who signed him to a two year minimum salary contract, clearly identifying a player who had now been an integral part of two NBA championship teams (even though this was still 2003 and one of them hadn't happened yet). But Mengke played in only 7 games for the Raptors - totalling 40 minutes and 7 fouls - before being moved on again when he was traded to Orlando for Robert Archibald. Toronto also gave up the rights to Remon Van De Hare in that deal, as well as the right to swap 2005 second round picks, a right which was exercised when Orlando moved up from 41st (Roko Ukic) to 38th (Travis Diener). You have to love deals like that, and not just because it has a hairy chested Scotsman in it.
Orlando waived Bateer almost immediately after trading for him, and he never played in the NBA again. Bateer saw out that season in the D-League, went to training camp in 2004 with the Knicks and in 2005 with the Cavaliers, but he never again saw an NBA court. This is mainly because he never got any faster, and thus never stopped fouling. His NBA career ended with totals of 46 games, 494 minutes, 156 points, 114 rebounds and 118 fouls; for per-36 fans, that's 11.4/8.3/8.6. Almost a triple double. Except with fouls.
Bateer has been been back in China ever since, averaging 13.8 points, 9.6 rebounds, 3.9 assists and 3.0 fouls this season for Xinjiang. Recent posts on this website about Mengke Bateer have featured this picture of him;
That is Bateer dressed as a bloody enormous monk, not because of some sexual fetish of his, but because of his side career as an actor. And that's another true story.
In addition to continuing his basketball career, Bateer has also begun a move towards whatever the Hong Kong equivalent of Hollywood is called. He first appeared in a film called "The Blue Xanadu" back in 2005, and the above monk photo comes from a film called "Bodyguards And Assassins."
Body & Ass is reputedly one of the most eagerly anticipated and expensive films to come out of Hong Kong cinema in a generation, with a hype fuelled in no small part by repeated delays in its release. The trailer certainly makes it look as slick as a baby's arse, and better still, Bateer's part is no small cameo. In the film, he plays an outcast monk (obviously), going by the slightly awesome of Wang Fuming, who moonlights as a tofu vendor. There are not enough films these days written about 6'11 monk salesmen, but Bateer pulls the part off with remarkable aplomb, as you can see in this clip where he kills dudes with coconuts and proves to be nigh-on impossible to kill.
Apparently being stabbed 150 times by a swarth of hate-driving stampeding hitmen armed with stabby things is not a certain death in this alternate reality. Not compared to, say, a coconut in the face. Nevertheless, despite the artistic license taken with the realism in the action scenes, the film does look kind of awesome. And any help as to what the caption above Bateer's strewn corpse says would be most welcome.
Bateer is set to appear in another film, Arrival of Fortune God, which has finished filming and which is due to be released later this year. A quick Google reveals no English language information about the film, or about Mengke's role within it, but it does reveal this picture;
24) Patrick Ewing, Michael Jordan and Chris Mullin
25) One of many Michael Jordan ones
26) Bill Walton
27) The 1999-2000 Golden State Warriors, advertising......themselves.
28) Larry Johnson, obviously
29) Gheorghe Muresan
30) Kenny Anderson
31) Scottie Pippen
32) Tayshaun Prince
(Is it just me, or does he say "I can do that because I'm a pro; Wallside can do that because they're defective"? Doesn't sound like a glowing endorsement.)
33) Richard Hamilton
34) Ben Gordon making a better effort of it than Rip did
35) Chris Andersen again
36) Darryl Dawkins
37) Jalen Rose and Kenyon Martin
38) Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, and Michael Jordan's shirt
39) More Bob Lanier, mad enough to dunk
40) Greg Oden
41) LeBron James
42) Shaquille O'Neal
43) Julian Wright and Morris Peterson
44) Hedo Turkoglu
45) Predrag Drobnjak (wasn't a real commercial, but we'll run with it)
46) Predrag Drobnjak, again
47) Predrag Drobnjak, again, again
48) Vladmanovic, from the same vein as the Drobnjak ones
49) Dikembe Mutombo back when he was ever so slightly decipherable
50) Juwan Howard, Scottie Pippen and Grant Hill (who must have demanded to be paid by the word)
51) David Robinson and Tim Duncan
52) Pau Gasol
53) Scottie Pippen (bonus points to anybody who can decipher the first line)
54) Vin Baker
55) Dan Majerle headlines a lot of white guys talking about hustle
56) Michael Jordan.....turning around.
57) Larry Bird and Grant Hill
58) Karl Malone hunting for little American chickens, with a slightly hilarious voiceover artist as his backup
59) Carmelo Anthony
60) Several guys, but mainly let's just laugh at Larry Bird, this time as he raps badly and oscillates irritatingly
61) Christian Laettner and restaurant buggerer Rick Pitino
62) Emeka Okafor
#
63) More Gheorghe Muresan
64) And more (Muresan ones are not particularly cheesy, but they are fun)
65) Brent Barry
66) Brent Barry, Tim Duncan and Bruce Bowen
67) Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
68) Brent Barry, Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili again. Yes, we're doing the whole H.E.B range.
69) Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
70) Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
71) Tim Duncan
72) Brent Barry, Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
73) Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
74) Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker for a change
75) Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker
76) Brent Barry, Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
77) Brent Barry, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
(No more of those five now, I promise)
78) Latrell Sprewell
79) Grant Hill and Jerome Williams
80) Bob Knight, Mike Shasheffski, Rick Pitino and Roy Williams
81) John Stockton
82) Magic Johnson hitting a note he'll never hit again
83) Rip Hamilton again
84) Audible Chocolate, Jay Bilas
85) Marko Jaric with a good looking woman that is not his own
86) Jared Dudley and Sam Vincent
87) Steve Francis
88) Adam Morrison talking about how he's going to make people cry in the NBA
89) Joakim Noah, Derrick Rose, Tyrus Thomas, Aaron Gray, Kirk Hinrich, Lou Wolding and Stacey King (it's a fake advert, but I'd totally buy this)
90) Dirk Nowitzki throwing a self alley-oop which is in some way supposed to make German kids stop snorting coke
91) Martell Webster
92) Lamar Odom with a very strange cameo in a Fashion TV advert
93) Robert Horry
94) Julius Irving
95) A few commercials based around the allegation that Muggsy Bogues is kind of small, one of which has an inexplicably tenous link to the mighty Hyundai Accent:
96) Wilt Chamberlain advertising the raw throbbing power of the gutsy Volkswagen Rabbit
97) LaMarcus Aldridge
98) Jason Williams
99) Another fake commercial, this time featuring Pat Burke, Steve Nash, James Jones, Alvin Gentry and Leandro Barbosa:
And finally, the most terrible commercial of all time to have ever featured an NBA player.....
It was assumed he was called "King James" because he reigns on the basketball court. But maybe LeBron James earned that nickname due to his tyrannical ways (in dealing with embarrassment).
On Monday, Jordan Crawford, a sophomore at Xavier (by way of Indiana), reportedly dunked on LeBron during a pick-up game at the LeBron James Skills Academy. Garry Parrish of CBSSports.com wrote that one high school player said, "it was bad". (We can only assume he meant "bad" in the Michael Jackson sort of way.)
LeBron must have agreed, because he had Nike officials confiscate the two videos that were taken of the dunk. (Parrish blames Nike, but reading between the lines it seems like the censorship was orchestrated by LeBron himself.)
Oh dear. How.....pathetic.
But there's one thing Nike officials can never take away from us; video of LeBron being dunked on by undrafted journeyman starlet, Britton Johnsen.
You see, LeBron? You see how totally not-a-big-deal that is? Everyone gets dunked on at some point. They just do. Even Tim Duncan. Even Shaq. Even Britton Johnsen. Even you.
So, if you did have anything to do with this....that would be sad. Actually, even if it's just the actions of a renegade Nike official, it's still sad. Even sadder than being dunked on by Britton Johnsen.
Shannon Brown being beaten up by a man in white socks
Today, the L.A. Lakers announced that they have agreed to terms with unrestricted free agent guard Shannon Brown, who will re-sign once the moratorium is over. Lakers fans can now pretend that they have found their point guard of the future, ignoring for a minute his entirely underwhelming jumpshot, wild flails to the rim or inability to bring the ball up court. For those people, this is good news.
You may have already known that, though, since no one comes to this website for breaking news. But what you may not have known is something that I only just rediscovered.
Back in his Cleveland days, Brown got into a bit of a rum-do at a nightclub. (Or a Tête à Tête, if you'd rather. Or a kerfuffle. Or a shindig. Or a broo-haha. Or a shaboodle. Or some other juvenile word for "incident.") Brown was inside a club called Liquid when he was kicked out for wearing his baseball cap, a brazen and hellacious violation of the club's dress code, even though he was initially allowed to wear it in. Somehow, that escalated into him being subdued outside by the club's bouncers, kneed in the goods and hit in the face. And that's where the camera picks up the action.
Brown was not arrested. The bouncers threatened him with a taser - insert "don't tase me bro" joke - and Brown sued the club almost a year later. I don't know if he won. This whole story is old news, but I forgot about it, and you might have done too. Besides, some people may have missed it before. And they need to know, I think.
If an NBA player manages to get into some kind of trouble that gets Youtubed for the sake of comedy, then we're there to talk about. See also: Rafer Alston and Keith Closs.
ShamSports.com: Hypocritically perusing the problems of others.
The look back at the compelling protagonists of the 1996 draft will be coming up soon, as soon as I can find 13 available hours in which to write it. Until them, I bring you a quasi-update from the 1994 edition.
In that post, I wrote this paragraph:
Last month, [Lamond] Murray signed back in the IBL for the third time, signing with the seminal Los Angeles Lightning, where he is currently averaging 25/6.
You weren't expecting that, I'm guessing. But here's the best part - the Lightning's lineup is freaking stacked. In an otherwise piss-poor league, the Lightning have managed to boast a lineup full of ex-NBA players, featuring Murray, current Clippers assistant and minor league veteran Fred Vinson, journeyman big man Jamal Sampson, the artist formerly known as Bryon Russell, ex-Suns guard Toby Bailey and former Rockets guard Juaquin Hawkins, who is with his first team since suffering a stroke last year. Did you see all that coming? No, me neither. In fact, apart from Murray, I didn't know about all those players being there when I started writing this. Good times, maybe.
Well, I have an update on that.
Sampson left the team after only 4 games, but the team replaced him pretty quickly, signing ex-Kings training campee (a new word), Adam Parada. Bailey has also finally turned up, as he was still playing in the German playoffs at the time of the last update. (He's currently averaging a triple double through his first two games, too.) The team also boasts California State senator Tony Strickland on the team, who hadn't played competitive basketball since averaging a double double at Whittler College in NCAA's division 3 almost two decades ago. That's a PR move and a half, that.
But the big news is that the Lightning have sinced added more ex-NBA pedigree, adding Raptors legend Darrick Martin to the team.
You needed to know that. You just did.
This post also serves as an excuse to fire out the two timeless Derrick Murray videos, which I think I will never, ever get bored of.
Some potentially insightful and vaguely articulate basketball commentary will be coming your way shortly. But first, here's something far more important: the Chicago Bulls players singing.
God invented the internet so that we could feel more closely acquainted to professional athletes. It's the reason they have online chats, it's the reason they have their own websites, it's the reason we try and become their Facebook friends, and it's the reason that their team contractually obligates them to humiliate themselves for the sake of a few Youtube videos. For this, we must give our eternal thanks, because God never fails to satisfy us. And nor does Joakim Noah.
During a Bulls game last week, a halftime segment aired that showed Noah, Derrick Rose, Tyrus Thomas and Luol Deng participating in a 'Name That Tune' style challenge. The four players paired up, and one player had to sing whatever tune was playing in his headphones, with the other player charged with guessing which song it was that they were butchering. The hot blonde's job was to guess which team won.
The whole debacle was caught on camera.
A closer inspection reveals that this isn't the first Bulls players karaoke segment of the season. Three other officially licensed videos exist, showing the same players (as well as Kirk Hinrich, Aaron Gray, and the now-departed Drew Gooden and Thabo Sefolosha) taking part in a singalong to various TV theme tunes. The tunes range from seminal to forgettable, yet they are, to a man, bludgeoned.
If anyone emerges from this with any pride, it might be Drew Gooden. Gooden - whom we already know to be always up for a tinkle - demonstrates, if nothing else, a semblance of a sense of rhythm, humility and personality, although he does appear to struggle with the difference between a saxophone and a piccolo. Hinrich continues his galvanising makeover from the shy and retiring elfin-like creature of his rookie year to the matured and forthcoming comedy god that he is today. Tyrus Thomas sings like he plays (with plenty of effort yet little to show for it), as does Luol Deng (who is bloody awful). Most worryingly of all, Derrick Rose seems to sing in the same way that he talks - in a monotoned unrelenting B flat that never shows any signs of breaking out into a fit of inflection or interest. Give me another half hour of Gooden, instead. Thanks.
However, if you thought that other Bulls starlet Ben Gordon had gotten lucky and avoided it all, then despair not. Despite the fact that those videos were probably made during Gordon's entirely awkward contract negotiations, Ben has been seen to have brought the noise before. In this first video, Ben is caught chiming in with a vital contribution to the seminal Chicago Bears theme song, "Bear Down Chicago Bears". (Note: a version with Hinrich in it is out there somewhere, but apparently I've lost it.)
And in this second video, Ben does what 85% of ballers feel obligated to do eventually; he stars in a rap video.
(Note: That last video appears to have been an advert for a product called Mioplex. A quick Google search reveals that Mioplex is a "male orgasm intensifier." This would explain why he felt fifty feet tall. My work here is done.)
Jannero Pargo does an impression of Kobe Bryant, then buys a suit
In a practice for his new team, Olympiakos, Jannero Pargo launches in a spontaneous Kobe Bryant impression, looking every inch the exact replica of his former teammate. Apart from missing the uncontested 6 incher.
In more delicious Jannero Pargo news, here is Jannero Pargo buying a suit. This clip is notable for the fact that it depicts Jannero popping his smile cherry when struck by his own radiance, as well as for another impression of his, when he briefly lapses into The Robert De Niro Face at the 1.07 mark:
Kudos to the original film maker for being able to book Borat for the voiceover, and to Jimmy Lee Farnsworth for bringing its joyful pointlessness to my attention.
Glen Davis brought to tears by seminal Phil Collins smash
There's being intense, and then there's being an idiot. We can only speculate as to which Kevin Garnett was being here. He's always been extremely intense - perhaps too intense - but lately, he's overdone it more and more and started being an idiot. Recently, Garnett has taunting people for no obvious reason, such as here with Raptors guard Jose Calderon:
I saw him do that stupid crawling shit at some other point this year, although I've forgotten when. I seem to remember it was against the Cavaliers. In that instance, too, he taunted someone about a foot shorter than him after nothing significant had happened in the run-up to it. That's not intensity. That's being an idiot.
Still, at least he's now learned to pick on the bigger guys instead. Just a shame that they're his own big guys. And well done to you, Jerryd Bayless and Jose Calderon, for executing on the following play and making Garnett look a big goateed boob, and for neither backing down nor taking an unnecessary Anthony Peeler-esque swing at a man who's quite happy to (and quite good at) digging his own grave.
Not so well done to you, Glen Davis. But it's sweet that you care.
Upset as we are about the news of Rodney Rogers's accident and paralysis, there's only one way to tribute the man, and that's with a Rodney Rogers Highlight Montage.
Unfortunately, I don't have one. But I do have this awesome clip, of Rodney Rogers scoring 9 points in 9 seconds back in his days with the Denver Nuggets. This clip has been kind of forgotten over the years, as Reggie Miller's 8 in 18 seconds and Tracy McGraknee's 13 points in 35 seconds have instead taken the plaudits as the best examples of lots of points in little time at all. However, both are inferior to Rodney Rogers's explosion, which boasts a points-per-time-allowed ratio far superior to either of theirs, or indeed to any other instance that I know of. Well, except for Trent Tucker.
I am told that the Nuggets were down 8 at the start of the clip, with 30 something seconds left in the game. Rodney Rogers's outburst put them up by 1. Rodney Rogers was indeed a game changer. (As was Robert Pack, I guess.)
God bless you, Rodney Rogers.
EDIT Apparently a Rodney Rogers mix DOES exist, upped with the last few hours. God bless both Youtube and Rodney Rogers.
You smoke weed! You drive too fast! You claim not to respect the national anthem when the viewing audience of millions aren't around to see your protest!
What kind of a crazy bastard are you?!?!?!? Is there no end to your rebellious ways? Will you shave a word into your head? Will you wear a hat at a provocative angle? Will you wear your shorts below your knee line? Will you flip off David Stern next time he turns his back to you? (Something which he may well do.) Will you go around calling Donyell Marshall, Donyell Darshall? Will you have sex with a woman of loose morals and labia and then never speak to her again? Will you? I bet you will. You're such a maverick. You don't play by the rules!!
Phewph! Where will it end??? You're just so, out there!!!
(Ha! Maverick! Get it?)
NB: The preceding message was liberally daubed in sarcasm.
As always, there's no reason for any of this post. I just wanted to give this picture another airing.
Speaking of Ron Artest looking a bit daft, did you ever see his music videos? Here's three of them.
Get Lo
Fever
Whatever the hell this is. (Do yourself a favour and skip the first two minutes.)
Dare I say that they're not bad, considering? It's all relative, obviously. But as second careers go, he's not done too badly. It's a bit amateurish and non-descript, but it's better than anything DerMarr Johnson has ever done. Perhaps Ron needs to work on his approach to the publicity, though.
In the unlikely event that you haven't seen Charles Barkley's golf swing before, here it is. (Warning: if you like golf, don't even bother getting yourself worked up about this. We know. He knows.)
That wasn't just a one off, either. He's going to do it again here too.
And this time he's going to do it really slowly.
And now Tiger Woods, who's pretty decent, is going to have a go.
Fuck it, let's all have a go. In our kitchens. With a bowling pin. And our socks pulled up. And our very giggly English girlfriends who think we're great. And who can't hold a camera straight.
I can sympathise. It's weird how the mind games get in the way of a relatively simple action. Ask one of the many suffers of dartitis: sometimes, you just can't complete your action. (Kind of like me with my amateurish tenpin bowling abilities. Nowhere in the Book Of Bowling Technique does it advocate falling over to the right after letting go of the ball, or the slightly autistic arm lock that I do before each bowl. And in no way do I try to work those things into my game. But by God, they're there. It's a stupid bloody game anyway.)
Still, it's weird that a man willing to gamble so much money on his golfing ability doesn't get this slightly detrimental hitch in his swing looked at professionally. It seems worth the expense to avoid otherwise heavy losses.
(Well, that's one conclusion at least. Another more cynical theory would be to say that Barkley, a showman, has somehow honed that sack of shite over the years, purely to entertain the masses. Doubtful, but possible.)
Here's someone who DOESN'T do it for show, though - Chuck Hayes. You'll all seen the clips of his free throw shooting struggles, and by God, you're going to see them again.
Just because we can.
I wanted to follow that up with a montage of weird, awkward, incorrect and mental-block free throw techniques from players around the globe. (And by "around the globe", I mean "in the NBA".) I want to show a clip of Desmond Mason's "Shitting Dog", a montage of Tyson Chandler's various attempts over the years to overcome his own personal battle again free throw autism, the vast gaping chasm of difference between Tim Duncan's current technique and what he used to do back when he didn't suck at it, the Olden Polynice Experience (where every free throw is shot in a different style to the one before it. At least, that's what he used to do as his career ground to a halt in the ABA), and Bo Outlaw's persistently perfect attempts to draw a lane violation on at least two members of each team.
But, sadly, the NBA is really anal about things like that being on Youtube. There are no such videos out there. And it's a damn shame. Since there's no "Amusing Free Throw Technique Channel" on NBA.com, why can't we be allowed to improvise? Why be so miserable about this? Moanarses.
In place of this, here's a video of Bo Outlaw having his photo taken with some girl during warm-ups. It's not what I wanted to bring you when I set about this post with such gusto, but it's better than nothing. Maybe. She enjoyed it, at least.
Down one in the closing stages of a summer league game, new Wizards guard Dee Brown fouls Uruguay's finest, the insatiable Gustavo Barrera, sending him to the line. Barrera hits both foul shots, putting Houston up by 3.
Rockets forward Joey Dorsey - watching the game from the sidelines due to an ankle injury - briefly breaks away from his spontaneous "Who Can Wear The Worst Stripey Polo Shirt" competition with Rafer Alston, and decides to say something. The ref decides to T him up, demonstrating the elaborate technical foul calling technique that NBA scouts want to see from potenital refs. Dorsey sulks. Nick Young hits the technical free throw, and the Wizards have the ball, down two.
Andray Blatche, who has battled bravely against the desire to pass for a number of years now, throws up a tub of wank three pointer. It misses, but Brown tips it back in, and the game goes to overtime. The Wizards go on to win, and the Rockets don't. Joey Dorsey loses not only a game he wasn't in, but also the polo shirt competition, as he has no answer for Rafer's daring usage of deep red and sky blue on an otherwise predominantly white top.
(Also notice - Vladimir Veremeenko. Hooray! If these games are downloadable anywhere, then I need to know. Can't do streams, though.)
Here's what I know about Joey Dorsey - he's an idiot. Someone once told me that he's the next Ben Wallace, which re-affirms my belief on this. (And no, I'm not at all bitter about the spectacularly unsuccessful Ben Wallace signing and the collateraldamage that it caused. Nope. Not at all. Totally over it.) Admittedly I don't know much about Joey Dorsey - when he made headlines for "announcing" that his college team mate Derrick Rose was not going to be drafted number 1 by Chicago in a hilarious wind-up that everyone found hilarious, it took me two weeks to find out that Joey Dorsey was a player, and not an opportunist reporter. But still. I know he's a bit of an idiot. Wikipedia agrees.
During the 2007 NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Tournament, Dorsey famously called Ohio State center Greg Oden "overrated as a big man," said that Oden "might be as good as Joey Dorsey," and called himself Goliath and Oden the "the little man." Dorsey also predicted a 20 rebound game for himself. The Buckeyes defeated the Tigers by a score of 92-76 and Dorsey finished with zero points and just four rebounds. In fact, Dorsey was so overmatched during the game that he was not able to even attempt a field goal in the 19 minutes he was on the court. As terrible as he was on the offensive end, he was as bad or worse on the defensive end. Dorsey's defensive duty was to guard Oden. Oden shot 7 for 8 from the field for 17 points and also grabbed 9 rebounds.
And now this.
The evidenced is really piling up. Joey Dorsey = a mouthy git. A bit like Stephen Jackson.
Sham is a miserable and self-effacing little bastard, whose basketball opinions are often riddled with bias, insecurity, and rank immaturity. He has also never played the sport, and the only game he has ever been to see was a Ware Rebels game back in 2001. The night bus didn't show up and he had to walk the 9 miles home. It was after this that his passion for basketball really took off.
He considers himself to be Britain's foremost NBA expert, an arbitrary title that carries with it no basis in fact, or any worldly significance. He also wrote this section of the website in third person narrative, purely for reasons of arrogance.
Copyright ShamSports.com, 2005-2010. Every published word on this website
is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
the really stupid ones that I wish I'd never written.
