Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 24

ShamSports.com and its proprietor (me) thanks you for your continued patronage. We know that you have a choice of several websites in the area that can serve your NBA needs. We sincerely appreciate you giving us a chance to demonstrate what our website can provide for you, and you can be confident that, in selecting ShamSports.com. you have made a sound, responsible choice for your NBA news - as well as the best choice for your personal enjoyment. I love you. Please stay.

- Richard Hendrix is in the D-League, after being waived by the Warriors earlier this season, despite signing a guaranteed contract in the summer. I don't really understand why, considering that they waived him while preferring to keep Rob Kurz and DeMarcus Nelson, whom they then waived three weeks later to avoid guaranteeing his contract, but whatever. Hendrix is still there if the Warriors want him, and apparently they don't. Hendrix averages 13.6 points, 10.9 rebounds, 1.3 assists, 1.2 steals and 1.9 blocks in 32 minutes a game for the Dakota Wizz, in, their pants.

- Axel Hervelle is still with Real Madrid in Spain, and will be for at least two more years after this one. I got in trouble last time we talked about him, when I said that he hadn't really gotten very far, so I'll instead cop out this time and just give you his numbers: 6.5 ppg, 3.6 rpg, 0.8 apg, 0.9 spg, 0.7 bpg in the Spanish league, and 5.3 ppg, 3.8 rpg, 0.2 apg, 0.8 spg, 0.4 bpg in the Euroleague.

- Tyrone Hill is now an assistant coach with the Atlanta Hawks.

- Kyle Hill is playing for Lucentum Alicante Costablanca in Spanish second division, alongside Taylor Coppenrath. Hill averages 12.4 ppg, 2.2 rpg and 1.6 apg, yet is also about to turn 30; I don't think the NBA beckons any more.

- Herbert Hill is unsigned, after a tryout with Le Mans in August showed only that he hasn't recovered from his knee surgery yet.

- Steven Hill is back with Tulsa in the D-League after being waived by the Thunder. Hill averages 7.6 points, 5.9 rebounds and 2.3 blocks per game in total, but here's the thing; as intriguing as Hill is as a prospect (and he is - athletic 7 footers with shot blocking instincts like that are always worth tracking) there are some far better big men in the D-League. Rod Benson, for example, can't seem to get a shot in the NBA outside of one training camp spot. Courtney Sims got a ten day contract with the Suns, but it was one and done. Pops Mensah-Bonsu can't seem to get another shot in the NBA. Et cetera. These fellas are outproducing Hill in the D-League, so why is Hill the one who got the lengthy run on the Thunder's roster, even if he did spend most of it on assignment? I dunno. Basically this is just a long way of saying that I just want Pops back in the NBA. Let's make it happen.

- Kyle Hines is signed with Prima Veroli in the Italian second division.
In keeping with tradition, Hines is putting up beastly numbers, averaging 16.5 points, 9.1 rebounds, 3.1 steals and 2.1 blocks in 31 minutes a game. Here's the thing - outside of a mere dollop of summer league action, I've never seen Kyle Hines play. I admit that. NCAA is not my thing, and although I'd like to know a bit, I don't. But what I do know is this - he absolutely beasted in college, and while UNC Greensboro isn't the biggest name school in the world, the list of names that feature on the 2000/1000 list is predominantly good NBA talent. Now in Italy (admittedly the second division) Hines again continues to beast, with simply awesome defensive statistics. My question, then, is this - a training camp spot somewhere? Yay? Nay? Pops Mensah-Bonsu? Who cares how short you are, when you can flat out produce. (Giggidy.) Height factors, sure, but when you're good, you're good. And Kyle Hines looks to be good.

- Robert Hite started the year with Tau Vitoria in Spain, totalling 2 points in 2 games. He then left (Tau didn't need him; they lead the Spanish league comfortably anyway), and later joined BC Oostende in Belgium, for whom he has totalled 40 points, 11 rebounds and 0 assists in two further games.

- Julius Hodge, the Jules of Harlem, was on his way to stardom in Australia earlier this season, averaging 26.3 points, 8.0 points and 6.0 assists (albeit 1-6 from three point range) in 8 games for the Adelaide 36ers. However, he then walked out on the team before a game, and there's not been a real reason given as to why. Either way, it ended ugly, and the team only agreed to let Hodge out of his contract once he agreed to refund a sum of roughly $30,000 AUS that the team had forwarded him. Why they did this, I am not sure, but since Hodge had previously claimed that the team was behind on its payments, I guess he was wrong. Hodge was replaced by former Wizard, Rod Grizzard (it rhymes!), and Julius has since signed with Besancon Basket Comte Doubs, but hasn't played a game for them yet.

- Fred Hoiberg is still an assistant general manager in Minnesota's ever-confusing hierarchy of executives.

- Randy Holcomb hasn't played since leaving his team in the Phillipines in July.

- Jared The Ho-man is signed with Cibona Zagreb, averaging 4.0 points, 3.2 rebounds and 0.7 blocks in the Euroleague, along with 6.1 points, 4.8 rebounds and 0.7 blocks in the Adriatic league.

- And finaly, Antoine Hood is just as out of basketball as the last time you asked. It's been roughly two years since he was last in the D-League with the Colorado 14ers, and he hasn't signed anywhere since. I don't know why.

Summer signings, round 21

This edition of our fun and voluptuous Summer Signings is highlighted by the fact that there's almost no one in it that you've ever heard of. If all the players in this list get into 80 NBA games combined next season, I will be shocked. In fact, I'll be justifiably flummoxed if even three of them make a roster. It's a sparse'un this time. Onward.

- Casey Jacobsen has signed with ALBA Berlin in Germany. In a previous blog post, I asked semi-mockingly for someone to do some research into which players have been to the German league and still been able to come back to the NBA. Two people mentioned Jacobsen, who was the German league finals NBA in 2007 before spending last season on the bench for the Memphis Grizzlies. This move completes the Grizzly German sandwich (giggidy), but it doesn't really undermine my insinuation that the German league is a bit shit, does it? Casey Jacobsen is all right, but a fringe NBA player. In between these two German stints, he scored 107 points on 115 shots in the NBA, as his jumpshot decided to take the year off. And now he's gone back to Germany where he'll probably star once again and become a champion of the serfs. What does this say about the German league? Basically nothing more than what I've already implied - it's a bit weak.

By the way, one of the two people who told me about C-Jake was an agent, who shall remain nameless. In Googling to see whether this nameless man is, or has even been, Casey Jacsobsen's agent, I found this search result:

"casey jacobsen girlfriend ipmessage lolita masturbation free pregnant women having sex"

So, something for everyone there.


- In a bizarre move, the likes of which have never previously been seen as interesting, the Suns and the Rockets swapped young guards D.J. Strawberry and Sean Singletary. This move is interesting (if you're a nerd) because it's a move that could save both teams money. The Rockets are trying to save money to be able to re-sign Carl Landry and Dikembe Mutombo without paying the lxury tax too much, if at all, and the Suns are trying to save money because they're the Suns. So in this deal, they may have both found what they were looking for. With the minimum of 13 players under contract once Goran Dragic officially signs his deal, the Suns depth chart is pretty much done, and Strawberry figured to be the last man on it again. However, as a second year player, he was to earn the minimum of $711,517, whereas a rookie on the minumum would earn only $442,114. Therefore, swapping Strawberry and Singletary saves the Suns the difference between those two sums ($269,403), doubled for tax ($538,806), and yet they lose nothing on the court, because neither player is going to take it. (Note: Singletary's salary is only partially guaranteed, contrary to what it says elsewhere on this webshite, but he'll make the team anyway, because if he doesn't, they'll have to pay someone else as well.) The Rockets meanwhile take on the more expensive player, but Strawberry's contract is not guaranteed, and so they save the whole of Singletary's salary, while also losing nothing on the court. It's all very interesting stuff if you're the kind of person that will forego a social life and regular sex in order to reinvest that time into calculating Greg Buckner's trade kicker.

(Note: If the Rockets keep Strawberry, then forget I said anything.)


- Joe Crawford has signed with the Lakers for training camp where he can once again do what he did in summer league and outplay Coby Karl. While challenging Tim Duncan to a fight.

- Kaniel Dickens has signed with Napoli, in Italy. See how obsure the list is this time around? Kaniel Dickens represents one of the bigger name players on it. At least he actually played in the NBA last year. That's more than what this next fella did.

- Mario Kasun and Barcelona have mutually agreed to terminate his contract. I don't know why, but we can speculate wildly. Maybe he doesn't think he was being paid enough. Maybe he wasn't getting enough minutes, in his own opinion. Or maybe he had a fight with Andre Barrett. Actually, yeah, it's that.

- Orien Greene has signed for MyGuide Amsterdam. And, if anyone out there should need a guide to Amsterdam....start with the cafes, follow the stench of sex, and work backwards. Soon enough you'll find a 70 year old woman seated in a shop's front window dressed in nothing but stockings and a suspender belt, knitting. As national identities go, it certainly pisses our one of fish and chips, Amy Winehouse, an arbitrary powerless monarchy and drizzle.

- Rod Benson has signed with SLUC Nancy in France. I don't know what the SLUC stands for, but if you change the last letter slightly and put it all in lower case while still suffixed with "Nancy", then it makes for quite a realistic soubriquet for the aforementioned 70 year old woman seated in a shop's front window dressed in nothing but stockings and a suspender belt, knitting.

- Sean Marks has signed for the New Orleans Hornets. How the hell does he do it? He's not a bad player by any means, but...well, he's never really done anything, has he? And yet he's now about to start the ninth year of his NBA career. 8 years, 127 games, 391 points, and still more offers of work. Just doesn't make sense. But fair play to him nonetheless.

- Memphis signed Hamed Haddadi, the only player in the Olympics to average a double double. Another fine move by a fine organisation.

- The trail blazing Portland Trail Blazers signed their 15th, 16th and 17th men in Luke Jackson, Steven Hill and Jamaal Tatum, albeit not necessarily in that order. I have already rambled about Jackson, and have nothing to say about the other two, so that's the end of that torrent of NBA insight. Quick! We're near the end!

- And finally, former Clippers guard and ABA journeyman Fred Vinson has returned to the Clippers as an assistant coach. After reading about this news, I faffed about for a while, and then went to bed. Yet clearly the news had a lasting effect on me, because I then proceeded to dream about Fred Vinson. I dreamt that me, Fred Vinson and Fred Vinson's wife, Mrs Fred Vinson (I don't even know if she exists) were out to dinner in a restaurant. The three of us were huddled around a table designed only for two. I had a steak diane, Mrs Fred Vinson had soup, and Fred Vinson had a largely undistinguished plate of brown. There was laughter, merriment, and much guffawery. I can't remember a single topic of conversation, but dammit, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that I dreamt that I was out to dinner with Fred Vinson.

You don't want to be like me when you grow up.