Liquorice Allsorts

1) As you may know, Houston traded Steve Francis, a 2009 second round draft pick and cash to Memphis for a conditional 2011 second round pick. Memphis's end of this is simple. They got their pick back for free. Houston gave them Francis, enough money to pay him for the rest of the year (or most of it, at least), and Memphis's own 2nd rounder next year, which they'd previously given to Houston while moving up in the draft this summer. In return, Memphis only gave them a conditional second in 2011, which will be like top 55 protected or something, so they won't even lose it anyway. They can now either waive Francis without fear of reprisal, get a free look at him as a player (bloody unlikely), or keep him as an expiring. But more importantly, they're getting their high second rounder back. for no cost. It's a good move. As for Houston, they give up a second that they don't need in order to get under the luxury tax. It's a good move for them, too.

But here's the real important thing: I TOTALLY called it. In this post, just underneath the picture of the fat lady with no bum crack, I wrote this:

(After Antonio McDyess's buyout, Denver is now no more than a small dollop over their eternal enemy, the luxury tax threshold. If they waft a pick Memphis's way, they should be able to dump Chucky Atkins, whose salary for next year is only $760,000 guaranteed, thus not affecting Memphis's 2009 cap space plan much. This move gets Denver under the tax, finally, and it need only cost them the pick that they got from Charlotte for Alexis Ajinca to do it. Also note that I'm just an ideas man, not a soothsayer. Houston would be sensible to do much the same with Steve Francis, who is entirely surplus to requirements in both Memphis and Houston, and whose salary is keeping the Rockets in the tax territory. But his expiring is tolerable for the Grizzlies with apt sweeteners. With those two deals, Memphis could gain two picks without changing their long or short term plans, while Houston and Denver save lots of money on players and picks that they don't need. To me, this makes sense. Does that mean it will happen? No. But, between now and February, I'd place a call. Boy, this bracket got a bit long.)

Get some. I wonder if the Grizzlies general manager reads what I write.


2) Oklahoma City signed Nenad Krstic - technically still a Nets free agent - to an offer sheet, one which the Nets will apparently not match. This offers up a variety of questions (such as, quite how scary is this supposed European exodus going to be. when even the European deserters come back within 6 months?), but most of all, look at their prospective depth chart with Krstic on it.

PG - Russell Westbrook, Earl Watson
SG - Desmond Mason, Damien Wilkins, Kyle Weaver
SF - Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, Desmond Mason
PF - Jeff Green, Joe Smith, D.J. White
C - Nenad Krstic, Nick Collison, Chris Wilcox, Robert Swift, Johan Petro, Mouhamed Sene, Steven Hill.

Now obviously, things will work out to be slightly different to this. For example, it makes sense for Green to now take on a sixth man role, and for some combination of Krstic, Collison and Wilcox to fill the starting power forward and centre spots. Steven Hill is also the logical man to be cut once Krstic arrives. But even so, the signing of Krstic makes the Thunder's depth chart even wonkier. Why the hell do you want six centres? Why would you draft D.J. White with so many players in front of him? Why would you then sign Hill and Krstic as well? Why would you also draft Serge Ibaka and DeVon Hardin with your other picks? Why can you only play for the Thunder if you can scratch your ankles while standing up? Why would a team with literally every hole to fill concentrate solely on the same? I realise the value of good big men, but Sam Presti, hit us up with some deadline deals, because your roster is pretty friggin' ramshackle at the moment. And also, don't sign Ben Gordon this summer, whatever you do. As far as you need to know, he's a no-defense chucker with a humility problem. Let's ignore the truth for a minute and run with that. You don't want him. Sign more centres. Spend your money elsewhere. There's a good lad.


3) The following video of Devin Harris is about as comfortable as the early morning shit after a night on the Guinness.



They're right, though. Devin Harris should be in the All Star game. And Allen Iverson should not. You know when Allen Iverson made that quotation fingers "magnanamous" gesture, when he first suggested standing aside to let Michael Jordan start in the All Star game, even when Iverson was the better player? (Which, by the way, was possibly the worst thing I've ever seen in my time following the NBA. Someone owes Vince Carter a big friggin' apology.) Well, now is the time for another such gesture. It's not meant as disrespect, Allen, but these other players are better than you now. You won't lose fans if you did so, and even if you did, you clearly have way too many anyway. Let's make this happen.

Similarly, if Yi Jianlian gets in, let's boycott the damn thing.


4) Really don't see the point in New York overpaying for Carlos Delfino, but, whatever. It can't hurt.


5) Short baseball tangent: people out there are trying way too hard to put a negative slant on the fact that the Yankees just signed both the best hitter and the best pitcher on the market. You don't have to like the any, but at least acknowledge that this is what they did. Like every team in the world, they needed an ace and a excellent slugger. Unlike every team in the world, though, they were able to get them.


6) No, I don't trust the source either, but if Sacramento trades John Salmons to Toronto for Andrea Bargnani and a first round pick, that is all kinds of good news for the Kings. John Salmons's value physically cannot get any higher right now, unless he were to start averaging 30 points. He's playing extremely well, tied in on a remarkably cheap contract, and in the prime of his career. This also isn't a fluke - he put on much the same performance to start last year, when injuries again cleared the way for him. If John Salmons is not traded by Sacramento before the deadline, that's a big old misstep they've made there. Particularly after committing so much money to the wing pairing of Kevin Martin and Francisco Garcia.


7) I realise that things haven't gone quite right since he did it, but why is Stephen Jackson thinking about a trade only five weeks after signing an extension? And, from the same article, quite why the hell hasn't Chris Mullin quit? He has nothing to gain from pissing in the wind, and he'll get another gig with another team soon enough.


8) In keeping with this website's policy of never bringing you any news that is worth knowing, here's a scandalous and pathetic story about Raptors anticlimax Jermaine O'Neal touching the arse of a woman whose life and career revolves around her ability to fellate famous people. Superhead, meet Superforehead.


9) The previous joke was stolen from a superior person.


10) Merry Christmas to you and yours. My life is in a good place right now, and I hope that yours is too. If it isn't, it will be.

Joey Dorsey loses a game that he wasn't in

Down one in the closing stages of a summer league game, new Wizards guard Dee Brown fouls Uruguay's finest, the insatiable Gustavo Barrera, sending him to the line. Barrera hits both foul shots, putting Houston up by 3.

Rockets forward Joey Dorsey - watching the game from the sidelines due to an ankle injury - briefly breaks away from his spontaneous "Who Can Wear The Worst Stripey Polo Shirt" competition with Rafer Alston, and decides to say something. The ref decides to T him up, demonstrating the elaborate technical foul calling technique that NBA scouts want to see from potenital refs. Dorsey sulks. Nick Young hits the technical free throw, and the Wizards have the ball, down two.

Andray Blatche, who has battled bravely against the desire to pass for a number of years now, throws up a tub of wank three pointer. It misses, but Brown tips it back in, and the game goes to overtime. The Wizards go on to win, and the Rockets don't. Joey Dorsey loses not only a game he wasn't in, but also the polo shirt competition, as he has no answer for Rafer's daring usage of deep red and sky blue on an otherwise predominantly white top.

(Also notice - Vladimir Veremeenko. Hooray! If these games are downloadable anywhere, then I need to know. Can't do streams, though.)


Here's what I know about Joey Dorsey - he's an idiot. Someone once told me that he's the next Ben Wallace, which re-affirms my belief on this. (And no, I'm not at all bitter about the spectacularly unsuccessful Ben Wallace signing and the collateral damage that it caused. Nope. Not at all. Totally over it.) Admittedly I don't know much about Joey Dorsey - when he made headlines for "announcing" that his college team mate Derrick Rose was not going to be drafted number 1 by Chicago in a hilarious wind-up that everyone found hilarious, it took me two weeks to find out that Joey Dorsey was a player, and not an opportunist reporter. But still. I know he's a bit of an idiot. Wikipedia agrees.

During the 2007 NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Tournament, Dorsey famously called Ohio State center Greg Oden "overrated as a big man," said that Oden "might be as good as Joey Dorsey," and called himself Goliath and Oden the "the little man." Dorsey also predicted a 20 rebound game for himself. The Buckeyes defeated the Tigers by a score of 92-76 and Dorsey finished with zero points and just four rebounds. In fact, Dorsey was so overmatched during the game that he was not able to even attempt a field goal in the 19 minutes he was on the court. As terrible as he was on the offensive end, he was as bad or worse on the defensive end. Dorsey's defensive duty was to guard Oden. Oden shot 7 for 8 from the field for 17 points and also grabbed 9 rebounds.

And now this.

The evidenced is really piling up. Joey Dorsey = a mouthy git. A bit like Stephen Jackson.