Shannon Brown being beaten up by a man in white socks
Today, the L.A. Lakers announced that they have agreed to terms with unrestricted free agent guard Shannon Brown, who will re-sign once the moratorium is over. Lakers fans can now pretend that they have found their point guard of the future, ignoring for a minute his entirely underwhelming jumpshot, wild flails to the rim or inability to bring the ball up court. For those people, this is good news.
You may have already known that, though, since no one comes to this website for breaking news. But what you may not have known is something that I only just rediscovered.
Back in his Cleveland days, Brown got into a bit of a rum-do at a nightclub. (Or a Tête à Tête, if you'd rather. Or a kerfuffle. Or a shindig. Or a broo-haha. Or a shaboodle. Or some other juvenile word for "incident.") Brown was inside a club called Liquid when he was kicked out for wearing his baseball cap, a brazen and hellacious violation of the club's dress code, even though he was initially allowed to wear it in. Somehow, that escalated into him being subdued outside by the club's bouncers, kneed in the goods and hit in the face. And that's where the camera picks up the action.
Brown was not arrested. The bouncers threatened him with a taser - insert "don't tase me bro" joke - and Brown sued the club almost a year later. I don't know if he won. This whole story is old news, but I forgot about it, and you might have done too. Besides, some people may have missed it before. And they need to know, I think.
If an NBA player manages to get into some kind of trouble that gets Youtubed for the sake of comedy, then we're there to talk about. See also: Rafer Alston and Keith Closs.
ShamSports.com: Hypocritically perusing the problems of others.
- Good news: Bobby Jones was claimed off of waivers. Bad news: Miami did it. Why is this bad news? Because Bobby Jones has already spent time with Miami, and going back to a team that he has already been with doesn't help Jones's quest to have briefly been on the roster of every NBA franchise before the start of the 2010 season. So far, in 2 seasons in the NBA - and if we rather generously include the 2006 draft, as Jones's rights were traded that night - Bobby has spent times with the Minnesota Timberwolves, the Philadelphia 76ers, the Denver Nuggets, the Memphis Grizzlies, the Houston Rockets, the Miami Heat, the San Antonio Spurs, Denver again, the New York Knicks, and now Miami again. That's 8 franchises in 24 months, a rate that not even an in-his-heyday Josh Davis could match. So, Miami - do us a favour and trade him to Atlanta for his namesake Solomon Jones or something. Don't be selfish.
- Allan Houston wants to make another comeback attempt. Great. Good luck with that.
- The two remaining Oklahoma City unsigned draftees - DeVon Hardin and Serge Ibaka - have both signed contracts in Europe. Ibaka signed a three year contract with Ricoh Manresa of Spain, a deal which allows him to leave and return to the NBA after each year should he so wish. Hardin meanwhile signed with Belediyespor in Turkey on a one year deal. Neither signing is interesting.
- Earl Boykins has signed a one year, $3.5 million contract with Virtus Bologna in Italy, thereby making the remaining available point guard crop even worse. Not that the presence of Earl Boykins really did it much good.
- Filiberto Rivera has signed with Bamberg in Germany, thereby making the remaining available point guard crop even worse. Not that the presence of Filiberto Rivera really did it much good.
- For those keenly following the progress of Ivan Radenovic (if such people exist, I keep them well fed), Radenovic has upped sticks and moved to Greece, to play for Panellionios. If you couldn't be bothered to read previous posts on the subject of Ivan Radenovic, the Spanish team that he played for - Akasvayu Girona - extended his contract, and then went bankrupt, which was hopefully nothing to do with the size of Radenovic's contract. I'll miss Girona, you know. We got a few games of theirs on TV over here last year, and every time they were on, a staggeringly hot Spanish woman was the sideline reporter for the night. She spoke broken English in a hot accent, which just made the total package that much more enticing. You know how it is when women are so unbelievably good looking that it becomes impossible to rank their beauty when compared to other unbelievably good looking women? Well, she was one of them. So it's a shame that I won't be able to look at her talk four times a year for twenty seconds at a time A damn shame. And that's why I'll miss Akasvayu Girona.
- Jannero Pargo was reportedly on the verge of signing with the San Antonio Spurs, but now reports say that Miami has made a late bid for him. Since the Heat have spent most of their MLE on the unflinching duo of Mario Chalmers and James Earl Jones, the most that they can offer Pargo is the Bi-Annual Exception, which starts at $1.91 million, you have to wonder why Pargo opted out of the contract that would have paid him $1.976 million next year. Pargo has now opted out of his contract for two straight seasons, yet he remains unable to get the one massive paycheck that he's looking for. The chances of him signing a third straight two year contract with a player option, and then opting out after the first year, look impressively high. And that's got to be a world first. These are the things that I think about, by the way.
- Louis Williams re-signed with the 76ers, ensuring that they will have at least one shooting guard who will score more points than he will have attempted field goals. No, I haven't gotten over the Kareem Rush move yet.
- The Bobcats signed Shannon Brown, a move which doesn't seem to solve anything. By the way, if you are Shannon Brown, and you've just had your rookie scale contract cut down to only two years by Cleveland, and you're allowed to walk away unchallenged by your hometown Chicago Bulls, what reason would you possibly have for not joining on with a summer league team? Wouldn't it be a good idea to get in as much shwocasing as you can? This is what I would do, I'm pretty sure. (Note: if Brown was injured or otherwise incapacitated, therefore making my rant unjustified and ill-founded, please do not hesitate to keep that information to yourself.)
- The Rockets traded Steve Novak to the L.A. Clippers in order to save some money, so that they can try to re-sign Carl Landry and pay as little tax as possible. Or, ideally, none at all. It makes sense for Houston to dump the guaranteed money of an inconsequential player, but if someone could explain to me why the Clippers held onto Nick Fazekas for an unnecessarily long time, just to then trade for his older brother in Steve Novak, then please do that. Where's the vast gaping chasm of seperation between Fazekas and Novak, exactly? Is it a bigger or smaller gaping chasm of difference than the one that the Clippers saw between Jason Hart and Brevin Knight? An answer on those would be good, because I'm clearly not smart enough to get it. By the way, God bless Steve Novak. Class.
- Tarence Kinsey signed with the Cavaliers. Have I mentioned that Memphis waived Kinsey in preference to waiving Casey Jacobsen? I have. Will I mention it again? Probably. i just think it bears repeating, you know? The Memphis Grizzlies, everyone.
- And finally, what you've been waiting for - recently cut Nugget (so to speak) Taurean Green is about to sign with some team in some country in Europe. And I forgot to write down who and where.
What you've just witnessed, ladies and gentleman, is the work of an amateur. Be proud. Give generously.
The first in a new series of posts detailing teams financial outlooks for the upcoming free agency period, what cap room they have, what exceptions, what draft slots, etc. Should be fascinatingly fascinating, if you're easily pleased.
No information is 100% guaranteed accurate, but unless you're privy to hitherto unknown information, or just better at this than I am (highly possible), then it's probably more accurate than you.
To be completed in an order best described as "Random".
(* = has incentives. Hughes's salary listed WITHOUT incentives, that are dependent on win totals, and thus won't be considered likely. Hinrich's salary listed WITH incentives, which probably won't be considered likely either.)
Ben Gordon (qualifying offer - $6,404,749, cap hold - $14,645,007) Luol Deng (qualifying offer - $4,452,574, cap hold - $9,961,017) Demtris Nichols (qualifying offer - $886,517, cap hold - $512,596)
Draft picks:
First round: 9th pick, subject to lottery results. (Cap hold - $1,840,800) Second round: 39th pick (no cap hold)
Cap room/exceptions:
Nada room, MLE, BAE, and a $5,205,000 trade exception.
Let Chris Duhon go. Gas Larry Hughes. Don't lose Gordon and Deng for nothing - either re-sign them, or get value in a sign and trade. Try and wriggle out from under Simmons's final guaranteed year. Add a veteran centre and a veteran point guard. DON'T BLOCK THE YOUNGSTERS. Get a coach that's better than the cataclismically bad Jim Boylan. Learn how to spell cataclysmically. Explore the possibility of debilitating widespread roster overhaul, but don't for the love of God make a losing trade involving a young player whose value is way below its best. Not again.
Sham is a miserable and self-effacing little bastard, whose basketball opinions are often riddled with bias, insecurity, and rank immaturity. He has also never played the sport, and the only game he has ever been to see was a Ware Rebels game back in 2001. The night bus didn't show up and he had to walk the 9 miles home. It was after this that his passion for basketball really took off.
He considers himself to be Britain's foremost NBA expert, an arbitrary title that carries with it no basis in fact, or any worldly significance. He also wrote this section of the website in third person narrative, purely for reasons of arrogance.
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is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
the really stupid ones that I wish I'd never written.
