Summer league round-up: Oklahoma City Thunder

Sorry about the lack of stuff being done. I've not been well. Summer league has actually finished now, and yet I still haven't finished these round-ups. I've also barely watched any summer league myself, getting only as far as the end of the first quarter of game three. (BTW; Ben McCauley = shot maker.) Nevertheless, I'll finish these things up anyway, if only for personal use and a mild sense of fulfilment.

View the Thunder summer league roster.

- DeAngelo Alexander: Last year, DeAngelo Alexander averaged 6.2 points and 2.9 rebounds in the German league, shooting 16% from three. Before that, he was in Romania. I don't think you'll need any more than this. If he does something significant one day, we'll come back to it.

- Marcus Dove: Dove is a former four year player at Oklahoma State, who went undrafted in 2008 and buggered off to Belgium. There, he averaged 10.8 points and 6.0 rebounds per game, shooting 7.7% from three point range and 56% from the foul line. Dove is an unashamed defensive specialist, but you can't be a complete non-factor on offense and still make it as a small forward in the NBA. Not unless you're RyBo.

- Tony Durant: The "relations of stars who got summer league spots because their star cousin/brother/uncle asked the team to bering them along" list gets a new addition. It's a great list, that over the years has featured William Pippen (Scottie's nephew), Joel Bosh (Chris's brother), John Millsap (Paul's brother), Zach Marbury (Stephon's brother), Daniel Artest (Ron's brother), Romeo Travis (LeBron James's toyboy) and Rodney Billups (Chauncey's brother). The common theme with these players is that they have absolutely no NBA calibre resumé outside of that, and Tony Durant is no different. Last year for Towson, he averaged 3.4 points and 2.0 rebounds. Towson is not a big school, in a not big conference, and those are not big numbers. At all. But the bloodline is enough.

Speaking of Joel Bosh, here's Joel Bosh being awkward.



- Moses Ehambe: Ehambe was in the D-League last year, functioning as a three point specialist for the Tulsa 66ers. He averaged 10.3 points and 1.7 rebounds in 18 minutes per game, shooting 41% from both the field and the three point line. Here's a story.



Looks a bit like Kevin Garnett, no? Only a bit less intense. Obviously he's less intense. No one is more intense than Kevin Garnett. If you don't believe me, ask him yourself. Ohhhh, he'll be sure to tell you. The big silly highly intense goose.

- James Harden (giggidy): Earlier, I compared James Harden to John Salmons. I just want to reaffirm here that I mean the 17ppg version of John Salmons, not the highly awkward version of Salmons from his Philadelphia days. And hopefully Harden is a bit less awkward that Salmons is.

- DeVon Hardin (giggidy): Harden played in only 11 games last year due to injury, averaging 6.3 points, 6.3 rebounds and 1.5 blocks per game for Egaleo in Greece. The 1.5 blocks was enough to lead the Greek league, though, which says more about how Greek centres play than it does about DeVon Hardin. Given that Hardin and Harden are now owned by the same team, you can probably see where my childish mind is going with this; I am now openly campaigning the Oklahoma City Thunder to draft Erik Harder from Groene, Ayron Hardy from Jacksonville and Dick Hardman from Arkansas-Little Rock. Yes, I spent a very long time looking those up.

- Kyle Hines: Kyle Hines puts up numbers wherever he goes, and last year was no different. Last year, for Prima Veroli in Italy's LegaDue, Hines averaged 16.9 points, 8.6 rebounds, 3.0 steals and 1.8 blocks per game. While it is admittedly only the Italian second division, those are huge defensive numbers. Prima Veroli also won promotion to Serie A on the back of Hines' play, and he has re-signed with the team for next season. So now he'll be taking his game to a big stage. We'll see how it translates.

- Serge Ibaka: Ibaka has already signed with the team for next season, after turning himself into hot property (not hot garbage) in Spain last year. He didn't play huge minutes last year, but he did play well in them, averaging 7.1 points, 4.5 rebounds and 1.0 blocks in only 16 minutes per game for Ricoh Manresa in the ACB. 19 year olds barely see any playing time in the ACB unless they're really good, so bear that in mind. Here's a picture of Ibaka's naked torso for the ladies and/or homosexuals out there:



- Shaun Livingston: Earl Watson has been waived, and Chucky Atkins soon will be, so it's looking good here for Shaun Livingston to win a roster spot. He looks to be properly healthy now, if no better than he was pre-injuries (which is to be expected)

- Keith McLeod: Keith McLeod hasn't been in the NBA at all for the last two years, after managing to stick around for the previous 4. Dallas almost ruined that by signing him strangely early last July, but McLeod never made it out of training camp, and we were spared once again. Instead, he spent the season in the D-League, scoring 14 points per game on 40% shooting along with 4.4 assists for the Albuquerque Thunderbirds. He'll also be 30 in November. It's hard to fathom that this man was a 23ppg scorer in college.

- B.J. Mullens (giggidy): In keeping with a fine tradition of players who changed their names once making their big time, through fear of their former name being a perceived as childish (a list that off the top of my head consists only of Jamie Shields), B.J. Mullens wants to be known as Byron from now on. Fine. Whatever. Nick Collison's contract expires next summer, and Nenad Krstic's contract the summer after that; in theory, as those two move on to pastures anew, Mullens' role will grow accordingly. But in practice, he might suck too much.

- Richard Roby (.....giggidy?): Roby wasn't drafted in the 2008 draft, despite averaging 17/7 in his senior season as a wingman. He spent last year in Israel, averaging 9.8 points and 2.6 rebounds per game in the Israeli league for Bnei Hasharon. He shot only 30% from three point range, though, so his inconsistent shooting is still a concern.

- Doug Thomas: Thomas is a weird one. He's never done a damn thing; he was a bench player for two years at Iowa, he's played in Switzerland, he's not got NBA size, he's not especially skilled, and he spent last year in Sweden of all places. And even then he couldn't average 10 points per game The only thing vaguely of note in his career was a 10/6 season with the Iowa Energy back in 2007/08. Yet somehow, the 25 year old Thomas keeps getting NBA looks, even signing with the Suns once. I guess athleticism is enough.

- Robert Vaden: As alluded to here and here, my opinions of Robert Vaden aren't very well rounded.

- Kyle Weaver: Towards the end of last season, Weaver had finally beaten out Damien Wilkins for shooting guard minutes. And it's about time somebody did. Weaver's all around game is a bit unconventional, focused on defense and passing first, but he almost managed to show more of a jumpshot that I think we all expected, shooting 34% from three point range. Not great, but not a bad start. Weaver is under contract for three more years due to a really weird deal that Sam Presti gave him, so he'll be back to backup Harden.

- Russell Westbrook: Last year, Westbrook led the NBA in turnovers, shot under 40% from the field, and shot under 28% from the three point line. He was pretty much worse than Jay Williams' rookie year, but without the oppressive Bill Cartwright version of the triangle offense to blame it on. Yet everyone will tell you that he was pretty good last year and a lot better than we all thought he was going to be. And they're kind of right.

- D.J. White: White played in only 7 games in his rookie year due to injury. He had surgery to remove a benign growth on his jaw, then had another follow-up surgery to remove another growth that also involved taking a bone graft from his hip. Tough break. When he did play, though, he was good, averaging 8.9 points and 4.6 rebounds in 18 minutes per game, shooting 52% from the field and 77% from the foul line. All things considered, that's a pretty good rookie year.

Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 26

I'm kind of overexcitable today, with a level of maturity that belies my 24 years of age. I feel pretty much like a small child today. And I feel like a small child today because I've just acted like one. Today, 2nd February 2009, marks the day that I built the first snowman of my life. And here it is:


Experienced snowmen builders out there will have noticed a few faults in my technique. For example, it's plain to see that I've fallen into the usual rookie trap of making a base that is way too big, overestimating what I will have the patience to achieve, and then having to hurridly heap snow on top, crudely falling into kind of a cone shape, making my snowman's body resemble a sumo wrestler melting. Additionally, I don't have any coal, so the classic coal eyes have had to be replaced by a pair of police aviators. I also didn't have a carrot, so a parsnip suffices as the nose, and insulating tape forms a rudimentary mouth shape for no particular reason. I also have no explanation as to why he is holding a retro early 90's tennis racket, or a duck on a stick, but these additions seemed vital at the time. As did the really gay stetson. But I'm proud of it anyway, because it's my first one. And everyone remembers their first time.

Why haven't I built one before? Well, because it's never snowed like this before. And why am I telling you all this? Because I felt like it. Anyhoo. To some basketball stuff.

- Serge Ibaka played in the LEB Gold last year, and has upgraded to the ACB this year. He's not tearing things up at the moment, with sedate averages of 6.1 ppg, 4.0 rpg and 1.0 bpg, but those numbers are pretty good from a 19 year old in the ACB. So much so, in fact, that according to ESPN's Chris Sheridan, his rights are hot property.

- Mile Ilic is also in Spain and the ACB, playing for Cajasol Sevilla, the team currently in last place. Ilic isn't really helping, as he averages 2.2 points, 2.2 rebounds, 0.6 blocks and 1.6 fouls per game through 12 games. Those numbers improved to 6.7 points and 3.3 rebounds in EuroChallenge play, but, now aged 24, excuses of rawness are running thin.

- Ersan Ilyasova is one of the highest paid players in Europe, and is still a restricted free agent of the Milwaukee Bucks. However, instead of being the 21 year old Turk that we believe him to be, he might actually be a 24 year old Uzbekistani, if unconfirmed reports are telling the truth. Ilyasova averages 10.4 points and 8.1 rebounds in the Spanish League for Barcelona, along with 9.6 points and 6.9 rebounds in the Euroleague.

- Jermaine Jackson is with Snaidero Udine, who currently place last in Italy's SerieA. Jackson averages 8.1 points, 5.8 assists and 3.3 steals, as the passer to Rashad Anderson's scorer, but hasn't played since December due to a groin injury, and has returned to the US to get it looked at.

- I've no idea what Jim Jackson does now, but the answer is not 'playing professional basketball'.

- Luke Jackson is back in the D-League, averaging 16.7 points, 5.0 rebounds, 4.1 assists and 3.4 turnovers for the Idaho Stampede. Will he ever make it back for more than 3 weeks at a time?

- Marc Jackson is back to doing what he does best - bumming around Europe, finding work in whichever country he can get. As far as I can tell, though, he doesn't have any right now. Jackson signed with Unics Kazan for preseason, but he doesn't appear to be on their roster, or their season statistics, and I watched a Unics Kazan game last week in which Jackson wasn't even mentioned. So I'm guessing he's not there any more. (By the way, here's something that I learnt from that game: Vladimir Veremeenko = skilled, versatile.....clumsy.)

- Casey Jacobsen is back in Germany, the country that was so good to him back in 2007. For ALBA Berlin, Jacobsen averages 10.0 points, 2.9 rebounds and 1.2 assists in the German league, along with 6.3 points, 2.8 rebounds and 1.2 assists in the Euroleague. Unfortunately, on the latter stage, Jacobsen's shot has left him (just like it did last season) - he's shooting only 33% in Euroleague play, while shooting almost exclusively three pointers. But in the German league, Jacobsen averages 1.62 points per shot, and anyone who knows me knows how much I love that metric. It's like true shooting percentage for lazy people. Good times.

- Jan Jagla is with DKV Joventut Badalona in Spain, a team that features heavily throughout this list. (Or at least, it will do.) Jagla evrages 7.0 points, 3.0 rebounds, 0.7 steals and 0.9 blocks in 17 minutes per game in the Spanish league, rising to 9.0 points, 3.3 rebounds and the same defensive stats in an extra minute per game in the Euroleague.

- Sarunas Yassercabbages is with Panathinaikos, as he has been since falling out of the NBA. For Panathinaikos, Jasikevicius is doing the thing he couldn't do in the NBA - producing. His averages (10.9ppg, 2.9apg in the Greek league, 8.0ppg and 2.3apg in the Euroleague) might not seem like much, but that team is stacked. You've got Jasikevicius, Dimitris Diamantidis, Vassils Spanoulis, Antonis Fotsis.....and they're just the players whose names end in S.

- Finally, for my views on Robertas Javtokas's NBA prospects, click this. For his numbers, keep it right here: Javtokas averages 13.0 points, 5.7 rebounds and 1.0 blocks in the Eurocup, along with 8.6 points, 5.2 rebounds and 1.1 blocks in the Russian league.

Summer signings, round 14

- Good news: Bobby Jones was claimed off of waivers. Bad news: Miami did it. Why is this bad news? Because Bobby Jones has already spent time with Miami, and going back to a team that he has already been with doesn't help Jones's quest to have briefly been on the roster of every NBA franchise before the start of the 2010 season. So far, in 2 seasons in the NBA - and if we rather generously include the 2006 draft, as Jones's rights were traded that night - Bobby has spent times with the Minnesota Timberwolves, the Philadelphia 76ers, the Denver Nuggets, the Memphis Grizzlies, the Houston Rockets, the Miami Heat, the San Antonio Spurs, Denver again, the New York Knicks, and now Miami again. That's 8 franchises in 24 months, a rate that not even an in-his-heyday Josh Davis could match. So, Miami - do us a favour and trade him to Atlanta for his namesake Solomon Jones or something. Don't be selfish.

- Allan Houston wants to make another comeback attempt. Great. Good luck with that.

- The two remaining Oklahoma City unsigned draftees - DeVon Hardin and Serge Ibaka - have both signed contracts in Europe. Ibaka signed a three year contract with Ricoh Manresa of Spain, a deal which allows him to leave and return to the NBA after each year should he so wish. Hardin meanwhile signed with Belediyespor in Turkey on a one year deal. Neither signing is interesting.

- Earl Boykins has signed a one year, $3.5 million contract with Virtus Bologna in Italy, thereby making the remaining available point guard crop even worse. Not that the presence of Earl Boykins really did it much good.

- Filiberto Rivera has signed with Bamberg in Germany, thereby making the remaining available point guard crop even worse. Not that the presence of Filiberto Rivera really did it much good.

- For those keenly following the progress of Ivan Radenovic (if such people exist, I keep them well fed), Radenovic has upped sticks and moved to Greece, to play for Panellionios. If you couldn't be bothered to read previous posts on the subject of Ivan Radenovic, the Spanish team that he played for - Akasvayu Girona - extended his contract, and then went bankrupt, which was hopefully nothing to do with the size of Radenovic's contract. I'll miss Girona, you know. We got a few games of theirs on TV over here last year, and every time they were on, a staggeringly hot Spanish woman was the sideline reporter for the night. She spoke broken English in a hot accent, which just made the total package that much more enticing. You know how it is when women are so unbelievably good looking that it becomes impossible to rank their beauty when compared to other unbelievably good looking women? Well, she was one of them. So it's a shame that I won't be able to look at her talk four times a year for twenty seconds at a time A damn shame. And that's why I'll miss Akasvayu Girona.

- Jannero Pargo was reportedly on the verge of signing with the San Antonio Spurs, but now reports say that Miami has made a late bid for him. Since the Heat have spent most of their MLE on the unflinching duo of Mario Chalmers and James Earl Jones, the most that they can offer Pargo is the Bi-Annual Exception, which starts at $1.91 million, you have to wonder why Pargo opted out of the contract that would have paid him $1.976 million next year. Pargo has now opted out of his contract for two straight seasons, yet he remains unable to get the one massive paycheck that he's looking for. The chances of him signing a third straight two year contract with a player option, and then opting out after the first year, look impressively high. And that's got to be a world first. These are the things that I think about, by the way.

- Louis Williams re-signed with the 76ers, ensuring that they will have at least one shooting guard who will score more points than he will have attempted field goals. No, I haven't gotten over the Kareem Rush move yet.

- The Bobcats signed Shannon Brown, a move which doesn't seem to solve anything. By the way, if you are Shannon Brown, and you've just had your rookie scale contract cut down to only two years by Cleveland, and you're allowed to walk away unchallenged by your hometown Chicago Bulls, what reason would you possibly have for not joining on with a summer league team? Wouldn't it be a good idea to get in as much shwocasing as you can? This is what I would do, I'm pretty sure. (Note: if Brown was injured or otherwise incapacitated, therefore making my rant unjustified and ill-founded, please do not hesitate to keep that information to yourself.)

- The Rockets traded Steve Novak to the L.A. Clippers in order to save some money, so that they can try to re-sign Carl Landry and pay as little tax as possible. Or, ideally, none at all. It makes sense for Houston to dump the guaranteed money of an inconsequential player, but if someone could explain to me why the Clippers held onto Nick Fazekas for an unnecessarily long time, just to then trade for his older brother in Steve Novak, then please do that. Where's the vast gaping chasm of seperation between Fazekas and Novak, exactly? Is it a bigger or smaller gaping chasm of difference than the one that the Clippers saw between Jason Hart and Brevin Knight? An answer on those would be good, because I'm clearly not smart enough to get it. By the way, God bless Steve Novak. Class.

- Tarence Kinsey signed with the Cavaliers. Have I mentioned that Memphis waived Kinsey in preference to waiving Casey Jacobsen? I have. Will I mention it again? Probably. i just think it bears repeating, you know? The Memphis Grizzlies, everyone.

- And finally, what you've been waiting for - recently cut Nugget (so to speak) Taurean Green is about to sign with some team in some country in Europe. And I forgot to write down who and where.

What you've just witnessed, ladies and gentleman, is the work of an amateur. Be proud. Give generously.

Incest Is Best (Also titled: Sham's Draft Novel, Pt 2)

Part two! Yay!

(Start at part 1 though, obviously.)

Part 1

---

- Pick 16: The awesomely named Marreese Speights goes to the Sixers. But I missed this pick, too, due to more connection difficulties. Hmmmmm. I should probably move to America if I'm going to take Stu Scott's job. This whole streaming thing isn't getting it done.

- Pick 17 is made by Toronto for Indiana, as a part of the Jermaine O'Neal deal, which is now being reported as "done", even though it isn't. (I'd like to think that Maceo Baston's inclusion was a deal breaker.) The Raptors select Roy Hibbert out of Georgetown, and instantly, a video fires up showing Hibbert performing the oft-celebrated White Guy Run™, uniquely this time on a black guy. This can't be good news, because as we know, black guys rely on athleticism, while white guys are gamers who come home every night with mud on their uniform. So if Hibbert isn't athletic, his life is basically over. But still, at least he's not Undershirt David Harrison.

Of all the people that were invited to sit in the Green Room - a name that seriously needs reviewing, since it's neither green nor a room - only Darrell Arthur remains. ESPN uses the short interval after the Hibbert pick to take the time to focus on Arthur's misery, and to really reinforce his humiliation in front of an international audience of millions. I wish they wouldn't do this.

(Someone I know went to the draft as the personal guest of Adam Silver. They inform me that Doris Burke was genuinely concerned about Arthur, comforting his family off-camera, and waiting until after they had had their "moment" to interview them after he was finally drafted. God bless Doris Burke and all who sail within her.)



- Pick 18: JaVale McGee goes to the Wizards. David Stern announces that McGee is not here. Question: if you were guaranteed to go in the first round, as McGee was, then why WOULDN'T you go to the draft? What could possibly be a better way to spend the time? You get to introduce yourself to an audience of millions in the suit of your choice, shake hands with David Stern, and have a picture of that moment to take away forever. Never again in your life will you suffer from the classic "what picture should I put about the fireplace" quandry that my mum still suffers from to this day. So why wouldn't you do this?

Ric Bucher interjects, and announces a trade. The Blazers and Pacers have agreed to swap Jerry D. Bayless and Brandon Rush, which at least makes sense from a depth chart point. The other elements of the trade slowly come to light over the course of the night, and were eventually announced as being Jarrett Jack and Josh McRoberts going to Indiana, with Ike Diogu going to Portland. Therefore, in terms of the peripherals, Portland got hosed. So Bayless had better be comfortably better than Rush. I'm assured that he is, which is something.

(By the way, I say this about Bayless not due to some unrequited love for Jarrett Jack, but because Diogu is pretty bad. Jeff Van Gundy disagrees, saying that Diogu was "underused" in Indiana, but Van Gundy rates Stephon Marbury, so why should I listen to him? And anyway, Diogu was only underused because he was always bloody injured. This is a part of what makes him crap.)

(Oh wait, I just made the realisation that everyone else had already gotten beyond: Brandon and Kareem Rush are on the same team now! Hooray! Score one more for the family theme permeating every transaction tonight! However, bad times are going to ensue when Kareem realises that his brother just took his roster spot.)

Andy Katz has the unusual (for him) task of re-interviewing Brandon Rush, asking for his views now that he is going to be a Pacer instead. Rush makes it painfully obvious in his interview that he doesn't know the name of the Pacers head coach, Jim O'Brien. Additionally, earlier in the evening, a soundbite captured how new Net Brook Lopez didn't know who Lawrence Frank is. See, this is the problem that I have with my addiction - why do I care more about the NBA than the people in it?

- Pick 19: The Cavaliers pick J.J. Hickson of North Carolina State. I don't know shit about the draftees, but I sense that Darrell Arthur may have been a better pick here, no?

Also, Hickson's draft profile from ESPN offers up the most stunning quote of the night:

"Must Improve: Work Ethic

Would you draft someone about whom this was said? Isn't this a problem that should be found out in due course, rather than known about in advance? It must be a pretty damn bad work ethic for it to be cited as the biggest weakness of a player drafted outside the lottery. Not since the drafting of Ian Mahinmi back in 2005, which gave us the sensational capsule quote "Must Improve: Overall Skills", have we had such a sweeping condemnation of a player. Good stuff.

- Pick 20 was sold by John Denver to Charlotte Church the day before the draft, as the Nuggets continue to cut cost to avoid adding to their already enormous payroll. Yeah, that Reggie Evans contract looks really sensible now. Charlotte uses the pick to take someone called Alexis Ajinca from France, who takes to the stage with great aplomb. You see, JaVale McGee? You see? Ajinca could be bothered to be here. He even crossed the Atlantic for a day. Make an effort, man.

Fran Fraschilla then pisses on Ajinca's chips by stating that he "has not been productive in the French Pro A league", a claim backed up by a caption that shows Ajinca averaged 5.0 points and 5.6 rebounds last year. So seemingly, the burn-a-first-rounder-on-a-completely-undeserving-raw-athletic-Euro trend is not completely beyond us. Makes you wonder why Denver didn't just pick Ajinca themselves.

Ajinca doesn't even get a "Must Improve" draft capsule from ESPN, which has got bad news written all over it.

- Pick 21: The Nets are up again. Jay Bilas takes this opportunity to praise them one final time for picking Brook Lopez at #10 - had Lopez slid any further, we might have seen the most graphic on-air suicide since Christine Chubbuck. The panel praises the Nets for "trying to get better", which seems like a weird thing to praise any team for, particularly one that just traded for Bobby Simmons.

(Seriously? The Bucks got Richard Jefferson for THAT?)

The Nets use the #21 pick to draft Ryan Anderson, who I am reliably informed is this year's Token Jumpshooting White Guy Combo Forward Who Can't Defend Either Position Or Do Anything Other Than Shoot Three's. Or, as I like to call it, the Steve Novak pick. Pat Garrity has a lot to answer to, for he started this trend.

- Pick 22 sees Courtney Lee drafted by the Orlando Magic. This All-Porno Rookie team is really coming together now, so to speak. Brook Lopez, Robin Lopez, Courtney Lee, Kevin Love. Three girls, one guy, and possibly one horse (unlisted). They could make beautiful films together.

By the way, the draft is WAY more fun when you don't know anything about anyone.

- Pick 23: Utah drafts Kosta Koufos, which means that he and Kyrylo Fesenko are now on the same team. Can't be bad.

In keeping with the Ryan Anderson stereotype theme, Sandy Koufas is now this year's Esteban Batista, and if you don't know what the hell I'm on about, look here. But if Koufas can hit a hook shot, as his highlight reel suggests, then he already has a leg up on the competition.

- Pick 24 belongs to the Seattle Supersonics, whose new GM Sam Presti acquires draft picks masterfully, but who then uses them like shit. (See also: Westbrook, Russell, or Green, Jeff.) In only two seasons, Presti had made more than his fair share of picks, and managed to trade away the only one that amounted to anything in Carl Landry, whom Presti stole at #31 last year, before gifting him away to the Rockets for what amounts to nothing more than the #56 pick this year. There must be some added scepticism, then, after Presti takes someone called Serge Ibaka at 24. Still, it's no wonder really - the Sonics didn't pick a tall athletic raw foreign big man last year, after years of spectacular attempts (Johan Petro, Mouhamed Sene, Peter Fehse), so they needed to get back with the programme.

Sorry, I was just looking for a bit of logic in this. Came up empty. Ibaka is the youngest player in the draft, who won't join for at least 2-4 more years, and who, if his highlight video is to be believed, can't score outside of dunking. I don't think this is the second option that Kevin Durant was looking for.

Ibaka's draft capsule highlights that he must improve his "experience", to which Jeff Van Gundy comments "how do you improve your experience?". He has a point, in a way. Stu Scott then tells us that Ibaka has 17 siblings, and then Jeff Van Gundy interviews his brother Stan. It really is very secular today, isn't it?


ESPN livens up the now slightly tepid proceedings with a camera that shows what goes on behind the elaborate facade of the stage. I'd just like to say that I'd really like to be there. Hopefully one day, I will be. Don't know how, though.

Doris Burke asks Darrell Arthur how he's coping with his "emotional issues". Bless her. Caring she may be, but intelligble......maybe not.

- Pick 25: Houston picks Nicolas Batum, who exploded onto the scene late into last season's draft build-up, before dying away to the 25th pick that we now know him as. Fran Franschilla chimes in, saying that Batum has "no escapability" when dribbling, and that he also has "super duper athleticism". He either single-handedly just raised the bar for the other analysts, or drunk it dry.

More is made of Darrell Arthur's plight, as Ric Bucher reveals that teams are passing on Arthur due to an apparent kidney problem that showed up in routine checks. We also learn that Arthur's mum is a truck driver, who gave up her wonderfully satisfying job to travel the country and "support" Arthur. Fair enough, but what's her surname?

Another Wendy Nix interview seems Mike Dan Tony self-satirising his teams lack of defense. That was fun. And suddenly I'm left pondering whether David Stern dyes the sides of his head, or the top.



- Pick 26: Who in the living hell is George Hill? I don't know. But San Antonio just picked him at 26, after spending all morning trying to get rid of the pick. Strange times. No one mentions how many players have previously been drafted out of Hill's college, the fabled IUPUI, so I'll assume it's 0.

George Hill doesn't have a draft capsule on Yahoo Sports. That in itself is a damning slant on quite how unexpected (and perhaps bad) this pick was. Even Serge Ibaka got a Yahoo Sports draft capsule. This has bad news written all over it.

- Pick 27 was originally that of the New Orleans Hornets, but it is announced that the Portland Trail Blazers are buying it off of them. Let us please inaugurate a new addition into the Draft Night Traditions list: the Blazers buying a low first rounder. I bet Dick Vitale goes before this does.

In typical style, they use it to select Darrell Arthur. Figures. Let the record show that the fact that the team with the best young talent in the league is also the team most willing to take risks and get involved in the draft, is in no way a coincidence.

It's at this point that I first notice Darrell Arthur's tash. And now I don't feel bad for him any more. Indeed, more misery wouldn't go amiss. That's a baaaaad moustache right there.

- Perhaps coincidentally, my online stream cuts out at this moment, ne'er to return. As a result, I miss picks 28 (Memphis selects Donte Greene) and 29 (Detroit selects D.J. White, for Seattle). So if something hilarious happened here, and you wanted to see my slightly less hilarious take upon it....then I'm sorry. But these are the cards that I was dealt.

I used this time to draw up a list of things that I need to do tomorrow, as well as to write a note to the person whose house I had just let myself into, explaining my gratitude and extending my sincerest apologies. To-do list available upon request.

- I find a new link just in time for pick 30, and rejoin the action just as Stu Scott is shouting "GET A LIFE!". I don't know who he shouted this at, or why, so write in with details, if they are interesting.

At 30, Boston selects J.R. Giddens, a player who plays with one sock pulled up and one rolled down. Needless to say, I hate him already. Giddens's draft capsule states that he must improve his "professionalism", which, given that he's gone from an amateur to a professional, seems somewhat obvious, but no less troublesome.



This signifies the end of the first round, and thus it's time for Dick Vitale's second airing of the night. This time, Vitale gives quite an interesting speech about the new age limit, and about how wrong it is. It's the first time that I've listened to Vitale without tuning him out within seconds, although if you do tune him out, you will tend to notice just how pointless and grandiose his constant hand movements are. This bugs me. (If you're deaf, the Vitale segments must cause all kinds of confusion.)

It also signifies the lack of first-degree interest towards the draft on my part, and so the entire second round will be bullet pointed, just as the first round should have been.

33rd pick Joey Dorsey apparently "Must Improve: Concentration", which seems like a statement that is impossible to quantify. When teams are sitting in their war rooms, do you think that they are privy to these one line ESPN summaries, and if so, do they factor them into their roster decisions? I hope so. I'd like to know if my player is going to be easily distracted by the arena lights before I draft him. It's sensible management technique.

34th pick Mario Chalmers has had two cousins already play in the NBA - Chris Smith and his namesake Lionel Chalmers. I felt this was worth mentioning, as it is in keeping with our no-outsiders-allowed undertone of the evening.

35th pick DeAndre Jordan has the most impressive DraftExpress weaknesses list that I've ever seen.

• Not productive
• Poor fundamentals
• Extremely limited w/back to the basket
• Lacks strength to hold spot on block
• Mediocre footwork
• Struggles finishing through contact
• Poor passer/Black hole?
• Atrocious free throw shooter
• Not incredibly active
• Defensive awareness
• Pushed around in post
• Not a shot-blocker
• Mental/Physical toughness?
• Maturity/Intangibles
• Long ways away from contributing
• High bust potential

I don't see "jumping" there, so I'll assume he's good at that.

Picks 38 through 40 all apparently need to improve their shooting consistency, the guilty parties being Kyle Weaver, Sonny Weems
and Chris Douglas-Roberts. This becomes something of a theme for the second round, and it rears its ugly head again at pick #43, when Patrick Ewing Jr (hooray! More family ties!) is drafted by Sacramento. It's not who you know in this business, it's who your dad had sex with.

Larry Bird is interview about halfway through round two, looking decidedly pissed off as always. He then refuses to talk about the players he just acquired in trades, as the deals were not "done" yet, and instead lauds the praises of those outgoing. Miserable bastard. Play the game, Larry. Why else did you think they were interviewing you?

The FinallyFast.com adverts annoy me, although it's funny the first time you see it. Because we people talk to themselves like that ALL the time, don't we?

Chris Mullin is valiantly defending his right to a crew cut, but at some point he should just accept that all hope is lost and shave the thing. That time might be right now, in fact.

Someone named Dick Hendrix was drafted at pick 49 by Golden State, hereby completing our rookie porn star starting 5, and also making it decidedly interracial. Giggidy.

Jay Bilas thinks that everyone drafted in the second round is "solid", apart from the white guys, who are "very solid".

Zach Feinstein didn't get drafted. Shame.

The draft night highlight occurs at pick 52, when Dallas selects someone called Shan Foster. Foster, knowing that he might get drafted, apparently recorded a song celebrating this event. This song was then broadcast loud and proud to the dozens of people who were still watching the second round. And, due to the magic of Youtube, we can bring you it again right now.




That's all I have to say about that. Bye.



(P.S: The O.J. Mayo/Kevin Love swap was made after I'd stopped watching, which is why it didn't factor into what I said. Also, re: that trade - people who belittle it for Minnesota need to bear something in mind. If they wanted Love, they could have just taken him at three. However, doing it this way, they managed to also get a quality player in Mike Miller out of it, while giving up nothing of any value. They didn't even make their salary situation any worse, giving out basically the exact same amount of money that they took on. So the trade itself, in terms of the peripherals, was heavily in Minnesota's favour. However, feel free to mercilessly berate their decision that Love was better than Mayo.)

(Heh. Take the capitals out of that last sentence and it adopts a whole new meaning.)


(P.P.S: It has also been brought to my attention that at least two of the jokes used in this draft diary also appeared in that of ESPN writer, Bill Simmons. I assure you that I didn't read his first, and still have not. So fuck him for being more famous than I am, and fuck you for believing that I'd copy jokes from him. Of course I didn't. I only copy them from people you haven't heard of.)