Turn That Frown Upside Down

It is my intent that you will come to view this site as a valuable resource. Between the character issues thing, the NBA salaries section, the tracking of endless former and/or fringe NBA players, the general abundance of boring trivia, the occasional bad jokes and the hugely lengthy player database that no one really looks at, I serve to bring you information that you either can't get elsewhere on the internet, or to bring it better than other people do. I do this for reasons of self-gratification and (hopefully) career advancement, and even if you think I'm annoying and a bit of a twat, I hope you can at least respect the information that I collate on this website. That is my aim.

For now, though, we'll take a slight detour.

Yesterday afternoon, I was a bit bored, and decided to find out what Mike Bibby looked like if you turned his eyes back to front and his mouth upside down. We've all wondered that, of course, and yet yesterday was the day that I could wait no longer. I had to know. The results were as follows.



I quickly realised that this was my new favourite hobby. So here are some more NBA players with their smiles turned upside down.



























Contribute your own. It's kind of fun.

Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 26

I'm kind of overexcitable today, with a level of maturity that belies my 24 years of age. I feel pretty much like a small child today. And I feel like a small child today because I've just acted like one. Today, 2nd February 2009, marks the day that I built the first snowman of my life. And here it is:


Experienced snowmen builders out there will have noticed a few faults in my technique. For example, it's plain to see that I've fallen into the usual rookie trap of making a base that is way too big, overestimating what I will have the patience to achieve, and then having to hurridly heap snow on top, crudely falling into kind of a cone shape, making my snowman's body resemble a sumo wrestler melting. Additionally, I don't have any coal, so the classic coal eyes have had to be replaced by a pair of police aviators. I also didn't have a carrot, so a parsnip suffices as the nose, and insulating tape forms a rudimentary mouth shape for no particular reason. I also have no explanation as to why he is holding a retro early 90's tennis racket, or a duck on a stick, but these additions seemed vital at the time. As did the really gay stetson. But I'm proud of it anyway, because it's my first one. And everyone remembers their first time.

Why haven't I built one before? Well, because it's never snowed like this before. And why am I telling you all this? Because I felt like it. Anyhoo. To some basketball stuff.

- Serge Ibaka played in the LEB Gold last year, and has upgraded to the ACB this year. He's not tearing things up at the moment, with sedate averages of 6.1 ppg, 4.0 rpg and 1.0 bpg, but those numbers are pretty good from a 19 year old in the ACB. So much so, in fact, that according to ESPN's Chris Sheridan, his rights are hot property.

- Mile Ilic is also in Spain and the ACB, playing for Cajasol Sevilla, the team currently in last place. Ilic isn't really helping, as he averages 2.2 points, 2.2 rebounds, 0.6 blocks and 1.6 fouls per game through 12 games. Those numbers improved to 6.7 points and 3.3 rebounds in EuroChallenge play, but, now aged 24, excuses of rawness are running thin.

- Ersan Ilyasova is one of the highest paid players in Europe, and is still a restricted free agent of the Milwaukee Bucks. However, instead of being the 21 year old Turk that we believe him to be, he might actually be a 24 year old Uzbekistani, if unconfirmed reports are telling the truth. Ilyasova averages 10.4 points and 8.1 rebounds in the Spanish League for Barcelona, along with 9.6 points and 6.9 rebounds in the Euroleague.

- Jermaine Jackson is with Snaidero Udine, who currently place last in Italy's SerieA. Jackson averages 8.1 points, 5.8 assists and 3.3 steals, as the passer to Rashad Anderson's scorer, but hasn't played since December due to a groin injury, and has returned to the US to get it looked at.

- I've no idea what Jim Jackson does now, but the answer is not 'playing professional basketball'.

- Luke Jackson is back in the D-League, averaging 16.7 points, 5.0 rebounds, 4.1 assists and 3.4 turnovers for the Idaho Stampede. Will he ever make it back for more than 3 weeks at a time?

- Marc Jackson is back to doing what he does best - bumming around Europe, finding work in whichever country he can get. As far as I can tell, though, he doesn't have any right now. Jackson signed with Unics Kazan for preseason, but he doesn't appear to be on their roster, or their season statistics, and I watched a Unics Kazan game last week in which Jackson wasn't even mentioned. So I'm guessing he's not there any more. (By the way, here's something that I learnt from that game: Vladimir Veremeenko = skilled, versatile.....clumsy.)

- Casey Jacobsen is back in Germany, the country that was so good to him back in 2007. For ALBA Berlin, Jacobsen averages 10.0 points, 2.9 rebounds and 1.2 assists in the German league, along with 6.3 points, 2.8 rebounds and 1.2 assists in the Euroleague. Unfortunately, on the latter stage, Jacobsen's shot has left him (just like it did last season) - he's shooting only 33% in Euroleague play, while shooting almost exclusively three pointers. But in the German league, Jacobsen averages 1.62 points per shot, and anyone who knows me knows how much I love that metric. It's like true shooting percentage for lazy people. Good times.

- Jan Jagla is with DKV Joventut Badalona in Spain, a team that features heavily throughout this list. (Or at least, it will do.) Jagla evrages 7.0 points, 3.0 rebounds, 0.7 steals and 0.9 blocks in 17 minutes per game in the Spanish league, rising to 9.0 points, 3.3 rebounds and the same defensive stats in an extra minute per game in the Euroleague.

- Sarunas Yassercabbages is with Panathinaikos, as he has been since falling out of the NBA. For Panathinaikos, Jasikevicius is doing the thing he couldn't do in the NBA - producing. His averages (10.9ppg, 2.9apg in the Greek league, 8.0ppg and 2.3apg in the Euroleague) might not seem like much, but that team is stacked. You've got Jasikevicius, Dimitris Diamantidis, Vassils Spanoulis, Antonis Fotsis.....and they're just the players whose names end in S.

- Finally, for my views on Robertas Javtokas's NBA prospects, click this. For his numbers, keep it right here: Javtokas averages 13.0 points, 5.7 rebounds and 1.0 blocks in the Eurocup, along with 8.6 points, 5.2 rebounds and 1.1 blocks in the Russian league.

Where Are They Now? Part 19

It has been brought to my attention that this series of posts is 'dull', 'uninformative' and 'gay'. This unholy trifecta is a bit upsetting - I figured I could lapse into at least one of the three by accident. But no, apparently that's all three strikes right there.

Still, if there's two things that I don't have, they are a willingness to accept negative criticism, and a social life. So a combination of the two will see this series continue in a slightly different way, that hopefully is more uplifting, more useful, and more heterosexual. (Also, regardless of whether other people like me doing it, I'M enjoying doing it. So nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo.)

Rudimentary stats for all players will now be added, where applicable. The act of doing this will probably drive me to suicide, if I am not already slain by the inevitable carpal tunnel that will come with it. But this is what champions do. They give up their bodies. (No wait, that's what whores do.) They show grit, and lay it all out there every day, willing to risk injury and/or humiliation for the team's greater good. They play the game the way that it should be played. They are heroes.

I am David Eckstein. You are Joe Morgan. I have absolutely no idea what I'm saying any more. Let's do this.

---

It's very difficult to find information on Jermaine Jackson, due to the far more famous person with that name being deemed more newsworthy, despite him not doing anything of any significance for a few decades. Still, all is not lost - for those of you positively climaxing at the thought of a Jermaine Jackson update, despair not, for I have one. Jackson recently signed for Leon in Spain (not France, that's Lyon), where he is averaging 9.4 points, 3 rebounds and 3.9 assists per game.

If you're into your European basketball, you've probably heard of Jan Jagla. But if you're only into your NBA basketball, then you probably haven't. Nevertheless, the two did meet for a brief time, as Jagla once joined the L.A. Clippers's training camp. (He did not make the team.) He is playing for Joventut in Spain, playing a bit part role to the two man show of starlets Rudy Fernandez and Ricky Rubio (who, if you haven't heard of, you bloody soon will do). Jagla averages 9.4 points and 5.3 rebounds a game. Also on that team are Jerome Moiso and Lonny Baxter, so there's a frontcourt worth fearing.

Sarunas Jasikevicius, as mentioned in an earlier entry, is part of a three headed Failed NBA Guards monster for Panathinaikos of Greece, alongside Vassilis Spanoulis and Sani Becirovic. Jasikevicius averages as near as is 19.4 points a game, to go with 3.4 assists, and seemingly is no longer baffled by the rather fundamental request to be able to keep a live dribble while running forwards.

Robertas Javtokas, Spurs draft pick, is playing for Dynamo Moscow of Russia, and is averaging 10.1 points and 6.3 rebounds. I get to watch The Jive Talker quite often, and he's developed a right handed hook shot. That'll be useful for day that he joins the NBA, a day which looks increasingly like it will never happen.

Chris Jefferies is one of my favourite "Awful Bulls Players That You Just Can't Stop Loving" of all time. Why this is, I have no idea. I think it has something to do with his fight with Rick Brunson, and how mesmerically bad at dribbling Jefferies was (is). If you feel the love too, you'll be gutted to know that his basketball career died. His only gig since leaving the NBA was for a long since defunct ABA team known as the Visalia Dawgs, who merged with another team soon after inception to try and stay solvent, but who quickly folded for good. This was three years ago. Since then, Jefferies has had lots of injuries, lots of surgeries, and no employment whatsoever. It's worrisome.

Dontell Jefferson recently left the D-League to go and play in Latvia, which seems like a weird career move. Playing alonside Gonzaga's J.P. Batista and the one and only Demetrius Alexander, Jefferson is averaging 9.8 points, 4.4 rebounds and 3.0 assists.

Horace Jenkins is playing for Upim Bologna of Italy, averaging about 17 points a game with less than 2 assists. Jenkins has shot more three pointers than two pointers, and his hitting them at a mere 31%. Also on that team - Joe Forte. Joe Effing Forte. So with those two as the guards, you know Dalibor Bagaric is getting his touches. Oh, and former Warrior Oscar Torres plays there, too. Some bonus info there.

Eugene "Pooh" Jeter is playing for BC Kyiv in the Ukraine, alongside Josh Davis. Derek is averaging 14.5 points, 2.8 rebounds and 2.8 assists a game.

Fuck knows what Ervin Johnson does these days. He last played for the Bucks, and seemingly retired without fanfare.

Linton Johnson recently left Toronto after not getting a second ten day contract, and is probably at home waiting for the phone to ring. (I'd ring him if I had his number. I really would. And don't think that I'd have nothing to say, either.)

Ken Johnson has toured Asia in recent years, and has wound up playing for Frankfurt in Germany, alongside the immortal Koko Archibong. Johnson averages nearly 6 points and 4 rebounds in 17 games, with 4 total assists.

30 teams in 36 or so days: Golden State

Golden State

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Austin Croshere (one year minimum)
Troy Hudson (one year minimum)
Kosta Perovic (previous draft pick, 3 years, $5.832 million)




Players acquired via draft:

First round: Brandon Wright (8th overall), Marco Belinelli (18th overall)
Second round: Stephane Lasme (46th overall)



Players retained:

Matt Barnes (re-signed, 1 year, $3 million), Kelenna Azubuike (re-signed, 2 year minimum)




Players departed:

Sarunas Jasikevicius (bought out, to sign in Europe), Adonal Foyle (bought out, signed with Orlando), Mickael Pietrus (unsigned, restricted, will probably re-sign but I didn't know which category to put it in), Zarko Cabarkapa (left unrestricted, unsigned), Josh Powell (left unrestricted, signed with Clippers), Jason Richardson (traded to Charlotte)





Bobbins:

I would like to extend a hearty apology to Golden State Warriors Vice President of Basketball Operations, Chris Mullin. In the early part of his time as GM (I'm not typing "Vice President of Basketball Operations" every time, "GM" will do), I ragged on the bastard somewhat mercilessly for his personel moves. And it seemed justified. Inheriting a pretty poor team. Mullin did not do much to improve that, but did spend over a quarter of a billion dollars on re-signing his core players. In an 18 month period from his hiring in April 2004 to October 2005, Mullin gave out enormous contracts to Mike Dunleavy Jr, Jason Richardson, Troy Murphy, Adonal Foyle and Derek Fisher, contracts which totalled a mindboggling $261 million for only 5 players (two of whom came off the bench). The only surprise was that he didn't give a similarly insane contract to Erick Dampier, a free agent who did get an oversized contract, but with Dallas.

Mullin's excessive spending forced him to then cut some salary, making moves such as having to deal a first round pick along with Eduardo Najera to Denver for next to nothing, just to be able to avoid the tax threshold. He pigeon-holed himself into a corner, having to sacrifice assets to keep within budget, all for a late lottery team. Things were looking bleak, and some people questioned (rather harshly) whether Chris had gotten back on the drink. Those people will go to hell, partly for their poor ethics, but also for just not being funny.

But Chris Mullin and the Golden State Warriors will not go to hell. Somehow - and this surprises no one more than it does me - Mullin has turned the situation around. The contracts of all of the above players have been gotten rid of (while Foyle is still being paid for three more years, his buyout leaves the Warriors paying a not-too-excessive amount to him, and the 30%-ish savings make the buyout an entirely worthwhile venture), and the only questionable contracts remaining are those of Stephen Jackson, Al Harrington and Baron Davis. And in even, in all three instances there, a case could be made that each player is receiving market value, or only a small amount above it.

The Warriors now have the league's 29th highest payroll (not counting Pietrus), which, when phrased more sensibly, means that they have the second lowest payroll around. Players such as Andris Biedrins and Monta Ellis still have big pay days yet to come, but Golden State is now in a position where they can pay the players that deserve big pay days, because they have freed themselves of the players that didn't.

Not just shedding payroll, Mullin has continued to bring in quality players, making very good draft selections such as Biedrins and Ellis to go along with minimum salary finds such as Matt Barnes and Big Lenny Sambuca. He has cleaned out the crap that previously permeated his roster, and continued to pack it with prospects.

And it all began with the can't-miss Baron Davis deal, in which Mullin traded Speedy Claxton and Dale Davis's expiring contract to New Orleans for Davis, who has since had a rebirth of sorts under new Warriors head coach Don Nelson. Despite the occasional slip-up (drafting Patrick O'Bryant and the Mike Montgomery era to name but two), it's been relatively all gravy since then, and the Warriors boast a young and

So well played, Mr Mullin sir. You join an elite group of GM's who can undo previous mistakes without making future ones, and therefore now have distinct seperation between yourself and the McHale/Thomas's of this world. Congratulations.


Now that all that bumlicking is out of the way, let's use less general terms and stick to this past offseason. A relatively tame one given the venom with which it began, Mullin added to his young talent on draft night by obtaining Brandan Wright, Marco Belinelli and Stephane Lasme, all of whom have joined the Warriors straight away. The big savings opened up by moving the salary of Jason Richardson - who was becoming largely expendable away - allow the Warriors more of the previously mentioned financial flexibility that they now enjoy. And as a result, the Warriors can boast a young core that rivals or surpasses that of most other teams in the NBA. They have at least one young talent at every position - often two - with a team crafted to be playoff calbire now, yet even better in the future.

Most importantly, they retained Don Nelson. A frowned-upon signing at the time, Nelson gave the young Warriors team something that they never had before - an identity. They quickly became a fast paced team with a flowing offensive system, not entirely unlike the system previously employed by Nelson during his time at Dallas. This team became one of the better stories in the NBA last year, and scored an upset for ages when they beat Dallas in round one, becoming the first #8 seed to beat a #1 seed in a seven-game series. Which was fun. Where I live, we have an expression for that: "f'in creamed the bastards".

It came apart in the second round, but it still marked a successful season for the franchise, the first for a hell of a long time.

This offseason was of building upon that, to decent effect. The Kevin Garnett whispers came to nothing, but then, that was somewhat expected. You could say that it's something of a disappointment as a fan to hear that Kevin Garnett might be coming to town, yet you wind up with Austin Croshere instead. It's a fair point. But the Warriors have not disappointed in any way, improving their roster slightly and upgrading for the future, while keeping the coach that made last season one to remember.

And what's more, they signed Troy Hudson. I mean, WOW!

(OK, so now I'm taking the piss. But the rest stands.)



Next season:

There is no real reason to suggest that the strategy that got the Warriors to the playoffs last season would not be successful once again. And with only one significant change in the rotation taking place, the Warriors have good continuity going into next season, not least from the return of Nelson. The loss of Jason Richardson should be reasonably offset by the continued improvement of Monta Ellis, the addition of Marco Belinelli (and no I'm not making the obvious surname comparison between him and Don Nelson), and the re-positioning of Stephen Jackson.

Whether the Warriors have the multi-dimensionalness to beat most teams in the playoffs is another question. The addition of Brandan Wright should help their rebounding problem (the Warriors sported the worst rebounding deficiency in the NBA last season, at -5.0), but they remain a poor rebounding and defensive team, once again relying too much upon Andris Biedrins's foul situation to win games. And as any old fart will tell you, these things count double in the playoffs.

Still, win lose or draw, the Warriors and Nellieball will be as entertaining as ever. They won't replicate the storybook nature of last season, but they figure to have a similar level of success, Still outgunned and outsized in the stronger West, the Warriors aren't a home court advantage team, but they're in a better situation for the future than most of their peers.

And it's mainly down to Chris Mullin. Jesus. That's something I'd never thought I would say.