Dowell is signed in Israel, putting up numbers quite impressively similar to those of his senior season in college. He's playing for Altshuler Saham Galil Gilboa - a team that really needs to settle upon one name only - and is averaging 9.6 points, 4.8 rebounds, 0.5 assists, 1.4 blocks and 1.5 steals per game.
There are two types of players in Israel; Israelis and Americans. That's it. Despite Israel being kind of in Europe, there are only a handful of non-Israeli European players in the league. And by "a handful," I mean "two." The breakdown of the nationalities of players on Israeli league rosters, according to Eurobasket.com, goes like this;
- 60 thoroughbred Israelis
- 50 thoroughbred Americans
- 7 Americans with dual Israeli citizenship due to residency (Chris Watson, Jason Thomas, Jeron Roberts, Shawn Weinstein, David Bluthenthal, Derrick Sharp, and ex-NBA player Cory Carr)
- 1 Australian (Julian Khazzouh)
- 1 player born in Belarus, but who has lived in Israel since childhood, goes by an Israeli name, and who holds a dual Israeli passport (Vladimir Yiermish/Vladi Ermichin)
- 1 Welshman who has played in Israeli since he was a teenager and who holds an Israeli passport (Tal Michael Dunne)
- 1 hybrid who was born in Sarajevo to Serbian and Bosnian parents, whose family fled to Israel during the war, and who then moved to America, but who considers himself Israeli (Robert Rothbart; read his quite amazing story here)
- ......and 1 thoroughbred Serbian (Sasa Bratic)
I don't know if it's all just a big coincidence, politically motivated, or because of some instilled belief that American players bring a level of flair that other countries can't match (a belief which does exist in portions of the continent). But whatever it is, it's a pretty jarring conclusion. 123 of the 126 players in the Israeli league hold either an American or an Israeli passport. If it's diversity they want, it's diversity they did not get.
Heat draft pick Robert Dozier is American, but he's not in Israel. Instead, he's signed in Greece, which means he has to spell his name weirdly due to the Greek alphabet that I don't understand. (This is primarily because I have made no attempt to.) Known in Greece by what reads on the back of his jersey as being a bit like "Robert Ntoziep", Dozier is playing for Kolossos Rhodes, and averaging 9.4 points and 6.2 rebounds per game. That's "R" as in "Robert Ntoziep," "O" as in "Oh my God, it's Robert Ntoziep"........et cetera.
Until recently, Jazz draft pick Tadija Dragicevic was a member of Crvena Zvezda in Zagreb, and the team he's been with for his whole life. A team captain, Dragicevic left the team during the summer, but return just before the season's start, and was once again the team's best player. He averaged 13.8 points and 2.8 rebounds per game in the Eurocup, alongside 12.6 points and 4.5 rebounds per game in the Adriatic League.
However, Dragicevic left Red Star last week. And this time, he actually did it. Like the rest of the team, Dragicevic wasn't being paid, so he left the team and signed with Lottomatica Roma in Italy. In doing so, Dragicevic agreed to forego the 120,000 Euros that Red Star still owed him. That was pretty magnanimous of him.
It was my very great pleasure to watch Dragicevic a few times at Crvena Zvezda this year. He is a very polished offensive player. He can drive, shoot and post, to great effect and with poise, grace, charm, penache and refinement. However, he can't defend anybody. And he never could.
Despite signing with the Denver Nuggets for training camp - which would boost any man's CV - Draper finds himself in only the Italian second division this season. Playing for Prima Veroli, Draper averages 15.8 points, 3.0 rebounds, 3.1 assists and 2.8 steals per game, shooting 50% from the field, 43% from three point range and 79% from the line. Draper signed as a replacement for Dawan Robinson, who got hurt in October and who still hasn't returned. Yet despite those statistics, Robinson doesn't lead the team in a single category. Not even steals. We'll find out more when we get to H.
Former Nets draft pick Drejer signed a 3 year deal with Lottomatica Roma in August 2007, but played only 6 games with the team before retiring due to chronic ankle problems. He was aged only 25 and has been out of the game since. Earlier this month, Drejer started a comeback when he rejoined SISU, the team he played for before he went to Florida. However, Drejer announced this comeback in the same week that SISU announced that they were perilously close to bankrupcy and stated letting players leave. So it's too early to say if it's been a success.
Drejer's wife is called Nadia. Here they are going at it.
Drobnjak was in Turkey last year, where he played 4 Euroleague games for Efes Pilsen but didn't appear in a single Turkish league game. Since playing about 20 minutes all season didn't really do much for him, Drobnjak moved to Greece and signed with PAOK Thessaloniki. On the season he is averaging 8.8 points and 4.1 rebounds in 21 minutes per game, albeit shooting only 21% from three point range.
I am currently compiling a list of 100 Chessy And/Or Terrible Commericals Featuring NBA Players. Submit any you may have. The following advert doesn't really fit the criteria, given that it's not a real advert. But here it is anyway.
When Peja Drobnjak agreed to do an advert that featured him saying the phrase "spray me with the water," he knew the Sonics wanted him to do it just so that we could laugh at him, right? Hopefully. If he did, I'm happy to laugh along with him. If he didn't, I'll just feel bad.
Alabama product Dudley is spending his fifth season with Turk Telekom. He's been there so long that he now goes by the name Ersin Dagli. True story. On the season, Dagli is averaging 11.3 points and 5.6 rebounds per game in the Turkish league, alongside 13.2 points and 8.0 rebounds in the Eurocup. Impressively, Dudley has shot 150 field goals in the Turkish league compared to only 19 foul shots, which is Malik Allen like in its one sidedness. He shoots more jumpshots now, as you can probably tell.
Duenas retired in 2007, aged 32. He now works for Barcelona in some capacity, but my Spanish isn't very good so I can't tell you what it is. I could tell you what the Spanish for "milk wench" is, but Roberto Duenas is not a milk wench. Not yet.
In researching that underwhelming stanza, I was alerted to the presence of the Spanish word "desquitarse." Easily my favourite Spanish word of all time.
After a summer that I've already talked about way too much, Duncan moved to Belgium and joined Liege. He is averaging 11.8 points, 4.7 rebounds and 3.3 fouls per game in the Belgian league, as well 6.2 points, 3.3 rebounds and 3.3 fouls in the EuroChallenge.
Dunston is spending his second season in Korea, where he's so much stronger than most other players that his comparative lack fo height and athleticism for a post man doesn't really matter. He is averaging 14.8 points, 8.0 rebounds and 2.2 blocks in 25 minutes per game for Mobis Phoebus.
Korean league rules allow each team to have only two imports, and the two can't play together at the same time. This means that Dunston has to share the court time with Phoebus's other import, Aaron Haynes, another 6'7 forward who averages 12.3 points and 4.8 rebounds in 21 minutes per game. This makes Dunston's minutes rather inconsistent, and are the reason why he plays only half the game despite his excellent per minute numbers. Import players go to Korea anyway though because of the great pay and the many many games.
Dupree went to an NBA training camp this year, marking the seventh straight year he has been in a training camp. He lost out on a spot on the Jazz team to Wesley Matthews, and after that he moved to Germany. In the German league, Doop averages 11.7 points and 4.6 rebounds per game, while in the Eurocup he averages 9.4 points, 3.8 rebounds and 3.4 fouls. He's shooting 41% from three point range in the German league, and 17% in the Eurocup.
An Israeli league-style breakdown of the German league's diversity will follow another day, regardless of whether you want it or not.
- Maurice Ager: The highlight of Maurice Ager's NBA career was when he cried on draft night after being taken at the very end of the first round. That was touching. Since then.........nothing. In three years with two teams, Ager has shot 33% from the field, put up more fouls than rebounds, and more turnovers than assists. He's a scoring specialist, yet he's never shown the ability to score on an NBA court. He's never demonstrated NBA three point range on his jumpshot, gets wild, and chucks in the few opportunities he gets. You can say, rightly, that he's never had an extended run in the NBA. Yet he's also been in it for three years now, fully healthy, yet still never seeing rotation time. He wasn't even any good on his D-League assignment. At some point, you're just not suitable.
- Lance Allred: Allred is now 28, but he's only been on the NBA radar for two years after averaging a double double with the Idaho Stampede in 2007/08. That landed him a brief stint with the Cavaliers down the stretch of the season, who waived him last October. Allred then returned to the Stampede and averaged 15.6 points and 9.2 rebounds per game last year; more importantly, he took his new found fame and fortune, and wrote a book about his professional basketball career. Longshot: The Adventures of a Deaf Fundamentalist Mormon Kid and His Journey to the NBA is the title of Allred's book, and it's available for all good book stores, or by clicking the link there.
- Ryan Anderson: Yes, I saw how Anderson did in summer league. Yes, it was very good. Yes, he's probably a lottery selection had he been drafted in 2009 instead of 2008. Yes, I know that his rookie year PER was a solid 13.6. And yes, he's more than a throw-in to the Vince Carter deal. But he also had plenty of opportunities in his rookie year, starting 30 games and playing over 1200 minutes, just to shoot under 40% and rebound badly. He should be a nice player for the Magic, and a good fit for the system. But he's also not really a starter. Not yet.
- Brian Chase: Chase is a 5'8 score first guard. You don't need me to tell you that it's really hard to make the NBA as such a player. Nevertheless, Chase is good, and scores everywhere he goes. Last year was no different; Chase averaged 12.2 points and 2.5 assists for Le Mans in France, before moving to Dynamo Moscow to act as Jannero Pargo's replacement, where he passed more and averaged 10.7ppg/3.7rpg/2.9apg. The Magic could use a third point guard after trading away Rafer Alston, and Chase has at least a shred of NBA experience. But they'd rather have a second stringer and kick Anthony Johnson further down the bench. And even if they can't get C.J. Watson or whoever to do that, then Tyronn Lue is still a better option. Magic fans may now disagree with that.
- Ronald Dupree: He's like Courtney Lee, except he's a worse jumpshooter, quite a bit bigger, shoots every layup like Lee's game 2 effort, and has a bigger head. Doop is one of the better D-League players not to be in the NBA, and last year was the first year of his professional career that he wasn't in it for at least a bit. Hopefully we can buck that trend before it becomes a trend.
- Courtney Fells: If you watched Courtney Fells in summer league, you'll have gotten the idea of what he's like. He's a decently sized highly athletic two guard who shoots a lot, but often not very well. He's streakier than an old man's nappy after a fulfilling fry-up, and he has far from a complete all around game. For all his athleticism and occasionally brilliant shooting, he's decidedly normal, and never averaged more than 11.3 points per game in college. Why is that?
(Note: feel free to send in any "streakier than a....." similes. I'm starting to run out.)
- Levance Fields: Fields is pretty brilliant, if you like undersized point guards with little scoring talent. Good passer, though. The NBA probably isn't on the horizon, with maybe a few seasons on the fringes, but his European career has already begun; Fields has signed for Spartak St Petersburg, which is in Russia (not Florida).
- C.J. Giles: Giles was covered here. He played one game for the Magic's summer league team, playing 4 minutes and 36 seconds, scoring 2 points, grabbing 3 rebounds and recording 2 steals. A pretty solid 4 minutes and 36 steals.
- Jeremy Pargo: Pargo is nothing like his brother Jannero, which is somewhat rare to find in brothers. He doesn't really have NBA talent, though. Being in a draft so heavy on point guards didn't help, just like it didn't help Fields, Dominic James and the rest. But he isn't a good shooter or a decision maker, and Jannero can at least do the first one.
- Kasib Powell: It's purely circumstances that have prevented Kasib Powell from having a solid 5 season NBA career so far. Ronald Dupree did, after all, and he's no better. He has the talent and a solid all around game, and has had a couple of looks. But the only NBA playing time he's ever gotten was 11 games down the stretch for the abhorrently tanking Miami Heat team of 2007/8, and that's not fair on anyone. Nonetheless, Powell has a chance here, because despite of Orlando's solid moves this summer, they could use some cheap wing depth. And personally I'm rooting for him.
- Milovan Rakovic: Rakovic was the last pick in the 2007 draft that the Magic bought off of the Mavericks. He hasn't really done anything since, averaging 8.7 points and 2.7 rebounds in the Russian league last year for Spartak St Petersburg, rebounding really badly for a 6'10 player and blocking only 2 shots in 26 games. However, next year, he'll have Levance Fields passing to him. So that should cheer him up.
- Jeremy Richardson: Richardson was with the Magic all of last season, despite them waiving him at one time. He barely played, appearing in spot minutes of 13 games and shooting 28% (including a 2-14 outing), and the Magic didn't extend a QO. His time in Orlando is especially over now that they've agreed to terms with Matt Barnes. Richardson might catch on with another NBA team next year, but that would mean he's been in the NBA for four straight years, and I'm not sure he's quite that good. He's all right, though.
- Russell Robinson: Robinson wasn't drafted in 2008, despite being the starting point guard on the national champion Kansas Jayhawks and after earning his third straight trip to the Big 12 All-Defensive team. Instead, he went to the D-League, and averaged 12.3 points, 4.4 assists and 2.1 steals for the Reno Bighorns (giggidy). He shot 45% from the field and 36% from the three point line, and had a far better second half to the season than the first one. If his offense keeps trending upwards and the defense doesn't waver, he might get a chance one day.
- Darian Townes: Townes started last in Poland, buggered off to the D-League, played there until the season finished, then went to Puerto Rico. He has already signed in Holland for next year. The most important thing here is that he won't be playing for the Orlando Magic next season.
Since Cleveland and Dallas haven't announced their rosters yet, and Charlotte aren't having one, we'll advance list this along to Denver, whose summer league effort this year is a strange one. Their roster is only small (for not, at least), but they've made a decent effort nonetheless.
- Derrick Byars: Byars survives as a testament to the reign of Billy King as Sixers general manager. The Sixers acquired the 30th pick in the 2007 draft as a part of the Allen Iverson to Denver trade, but they decided that they didn't want the guaranteed contract that it necessitated. Therefore, on draft night, the Sixers traded the pick to the Blazers for the number 41 pick and cash, using the 41st pick on Byars. They then waived Byars in training camp, and wound up with just the cash. Nice return on a first round draft pick, that, particularly one which featured a second round with Marc Gasol, Ramon Sessions, Glen Davis and Carl Landry in it. Byars' only other NBA flirtation came when he signed with the Thunder in training camp last year, but he didn't make the team. He then went to the D-League, and averaged 17.7ppg and 4.9rpg for the Bakersfield Jam, but there's a guy elsewhere on his list who has taken any potential roster spot that Byars may have had. (Clue: it rhymes with "creams".)
- Dontaye Draper: Draper is a 5'11 guard out of the College of Charleston, who was also on the Nuggets 2007 summer league roster. He split last season between France and Belgium, averaging 20.7 points, 4.2 rebounds and 6.5 assists in the EuroChallenge for Hyeres-Toulon Var Basket (the French half of that split). Draper has been trying to reinvent himself as more of a pass first guard over the years, which is kind of necessary when you're 5'11, but while the assist numbers have continued to go up, so have the turnovers (he averaged 5.1 assists in the French league last year, but against 4.5 turnovers). He also doesn't shoot well, shooting poorly from the foul line and inconsistently at best from three point range. As quick and explosive as he is, it's difficult to play in the NBA if you're a 5'11 shoot first player who's prone to turnovers and not the best shooter. Although maybe it's not all about the NBA.
- Ronald Dupree: Dupree was in camp, too, but with the Cleveland Cavaliers. If you're willing to count that, he's now been in the NBA for parts of the last 6 years, which is not bad going. Dupree spent last year in the D-League, averaging 19.8/6.6/3.7 for the Tulsa 66ers, and 17.3/7.2/3.9 after a midseason trade to the Utah Flash. That's not half bad from a guy who's better on the defensive end, and if the Nuggets decide they can't be arsed to overpay Dahntay Jones, then Dupree is a minimum salary replacement waiting to happen. But then again, Captain Creams might be in his way, too.
- Richard Hendrix: Last year, the Warriors drafted Hendrix 49th overall, and signed him to a three year contract. They then waived him in December when Monta Ellis returned from the suspended list, choosing to do so over waiving Rob Kurz (who just left as an unrestricted free agent) and Marcus Williams (who they waived later anyway). Williams never appeared in a game for the Warriors, yet he got paid a guaranteed salary anyway, and is even going to get $100,000 from the team this season as well. His situation is kind of symptomatic of the Warriors management last season. It was shite.
Hendrix then went to the D-League, and averaged 11,6 rebounds in 31 minutes per game for the Dakota Wizards. If he sounds like a man who has NBA talent to you, that's because he has.
- Coby Karl: Karl was covered in the Celtics round-up, but he features on the Nuggets roster as well because his dad is the head coach. And that makes it easier to make rosters. Walker Russell was once briefly a Knick because his dad is a scout for the team, and Jason Capel was a Bobcat for a couple of weeks because his dad Jeff was an assistant coach at the time. It's all very incestuous, this NBA thing.
- Tywon Lawson: I want it on record that I don't think Ty Lawson will be much worse of an NBA player than Jonny Flynn, the man taken twelve places ahead of him. I will accept the shellacking if I'm wrong, but take your time in reminding me of that, since one of them has Chauncey Billups for company next year, and one of them have Sebastian Telfair.
- Kareem Rush: Rush is still a one-dimensional scorer, and he's still not a very good one. He scored 54 points on 58 shots last year with the Sixers, lowering his overall career numbers to 2,204 points to 2,178 shots. The Sixers appear to have realised that they, as the less than proud owners of Willie Green, are the last team that needs another shooting guard like that. And they're right. But then again, no one needs Kareem Rush. And that goes for the Nuggets too.
- Cedric Simmons: If you're an optimist, you'll look at Cedric Simmons' age and his draft position, and think that he's a worthwhile prospect for your team to take a flyer on. "There must be something there", after all. Well, there isn't. He is one of the worst offensive players in the game, is a sub-par rebounder, doesn't move too well, hasn't NBA size, is clumsier than a wolfhound in slagboots and has all the polish of a schoolyard bundle. He is good for one or two poster blocks a year, and that is it. He shoots worse from the foul line than Ben Wallace or Chuck Hayes. Just don't go there, I'm telling you.
- Sonny Weems: Weems is partially guaranteed for next season, to the tune of $174,284, a seemingly arbitrary amount the logic behind which I can't figure out. Nevertheless, he should make the team easily enough, and might even get an expanded role if Dahntay doesn't return. Weems spent most of last year in the D-League, where he averaged 21.3 points, 4.3 rebounds and 3.2 assists in 28 minutes per game for the Colorado 14ers. Pretty bloody good, that. And that's why the first two players on this list need to turn Buddhist.
- Bryant Dunston is in South Korea, averaging 17.6 points, 10.0 rebounds and 2.9 blocks for a team called Mobis Phoebus. Dunston doesn't really have any chance of making the NBA, but after watching the entire Lakers summer league - in which an extremely backcourt heavy roster started Dunston at centre, with Sharrod Ford at power forward - I grew to like him. I seemed to like his unathletic yet reasonably smooth game featuring plenty of lefty baby hooks. It reminded me of Michael Sweetney. And I like Michael Sweetney. (In fairness to Dunston, at age 22 with reasonable skill, he still has a real faint chance of sniffing the NBA at some point, even if it's only a camp invite. But I don't think signing in Korea is getting it done. And he should probably put those three pointers to bed.)
- Ronald "Doop" Dupree didn't make the Cavaliers out of training camp, and went back to the D-League with the Tulsa 66ers. As is often the case when he's in the D-League, Doop has beasted, averaging 19.8 points, 6.6 rebounds and 3.7 assists, but he still can't shoot, shooting only 31% from three point range and 69% from the free throw line. He'll also be 28 on January 26th, so a happy birthday to him, although I'm sure we'll all have better things to be celebrating on that day. (In joke!)
- Ndudi Ebi is signed in Italy, and still hasn't panned out. Ndudi is the third leading scorer on an Italian team called Carife Ferrara, where he is the third leading scorer behind Harold Jamison (THE Harold Jamison! Throw-in to the Miles for McInnis swap Harold Jamison! None finer!) and Andre Collins (yes, THE Andre Collins! From Loyola! The very same!). Ebi is really the fourth leading scorer, if you also include Rick Apodaca (THE Rick Apodaca! Former Magic training camp invitee Rick Apodaca! Et cetera!), but Apodaca only played in 5 games before being kicked off the team after testing positive for pot. Ebi averages 11.5 points, 6.5 rebounds, 1.8 steals and 1.8 blocks per game, and rather impressively has only 2 assists in 15 games. Especially impressive given the sheer unrelenting calibre of scoring options that I just outlined.
- Former Hawks and Pacers centre Sexy John Edwards was recently acquired by the Sioux Falls Skyforce in the D-League, averaging 6.2 points and 5.2 rebounds, and is still pushing his campaign towards ending poverty in America. (See that? That was a John Edwards switcharoony. You can't write comedy gold like that. Well, unless you're me.)
- I've got nothing on Howard Eisley, but I'm also not interested in a Chris Crawford-style campaign, either. By the way, an update on that - it appears that Crawford tried a comeback in mid-2006, which ended without any contract being offered. He has moved back to Galesburg, Michigan, owns a company called Slam Dunk Stables, and somebody sent me a Google Earth overhead shot of his house. The internet - it's faaaaaantastic.
- Obinna Ekezie has not played since a stint in Russia ended in April 2007. After almost two years out of the game, and about to turn 34, I'm going to wildly assume that Ekezie is probably out of the game for good. Feel free to correct me, Obinna Ekezie's agent.
- Frank Elegar is signed with Bremerhaven in Germany, where he averages 9.2 points and 5.6 rebounds. Despite boasting both Jared Reiner and Mike Gansey, along with a brief stay by Marcus Slaughter, Bremerhaven are stone dead last in the German first division, with a 1-16 record. As for Fun Time Franky, like with Bryant Dunston above, Elegar's shot at this NBA thing is pretty slim, but, like Bryant Dunston above, Frank Elegar impressed me in summer league, as he showed a decent mid range game with the Wizards, even if his free throw release was kind of amusing. Note to very fringe NBA players out there - this is how you get famous. Sign in summer league and show me something, and I'll write nice things about you to a worldwide audience. And you can't get much more famous than by appearing on this website, let me tell you - Alexa.com says that this is the 79,062nd most popular website in Hungary. You can't buy publicity gold like that. Although this doesn't mean that you can't give me money if you want to.
- Lior Eliyahu is in his third season with Maccabi Tel Aviv, and crapping over his numbers of last year. Eliyahu leads his team in Euroleague play, averaging 14.7 points, 6.9 rebounds and 2.3 assists, and he doesn't do badly in Israeli league play either, where he averages a further 13.0 points, 5.6 points and 3.3 assists. Is that NBA calibre talent? Yep, probably. But an Israeli viewer of this website informs me that Eliyahu has a voice like a girl. So make of that what you will.
- Georgian superstar Tyrone Ellis averages 11.4 points in Spanish League play, and 9.8 points in EuroChallenge play. His backcourt team mates include former Pacer, Tyus Edney, who barely plays, and who is about to turn 36. Oh wait, sorry, I forgot to tell you who Ellis plays for, didn't I? It's Cajasol Sevilla. In Spain. Specifically, in Sevilla.
- Chris Ellis is on the same poor Tulsa 66ers as Doop is. Ellis averages 6.7 points and 5.2 rebounds in 20 games, shooting a sizzling 38% from the floor. I'm still not sure what he's good at.
- Andre Emmett went to Pau Orthez after being waived by the Sixers in training camp, and in the early going Emmett was a big boost to the struggling French side, averaging 23 points and 5.4 rebounds in 5 games, despite missing nearly a month due to injury. However, in December, Emmett left the team. No explanation as to why - he just left. My French is a bit ropey, but as far as I call tell, he went home for Christmas, and didn't bother coming back. That's European basketball for you, everybody. Wouldn't it be funny if that happened in the NBA?
- Carl English is stylin' in Spain, where he averages 15.6 points, 2.9 rebounds and 3.3 assists in Spanish league play for Kalise Gran Canaria. He also just won player of the weeks honours, in a week that saw him play so well that he won player of the week honours. What an honour. By the way, why do Americans call the spin you put on a pool/snooker ball "English"? Is it funny or clever? Because I'm not seeing either. The word is "side", "spin", or "sidespin". Don't mess with perfection.
- Finally, Zoran Erceg is playing for Olympiakos in Greece, where he averages 7.2 points in Greek league play, and 5.8 points in the Euroleague. You can't buy informative gold like that. Or rather, you can, but you don't have to, because I did it for you. ShamSports.com - the website that cares. About Zoran Erceg.
This post was written a million years before it was posted.
- Alexander Johnson has signed in the German league for Brose Baskets, so his life is basically over. (Hah! Not really, German people. Or Alexander Johnson. Or Alexander Johnson's agent. Just a little running jokes we have here. It's hilarious every time, I promise you.)
- Donell Taylor is to join the Bobcats for the training camp, because you can always find a use for a guard that can't make a layup or a jumpshot or pass or run an offense or do anything to an average standard on the offensive end. Or at least, I think that's right. It must be, because Lindsey Hunter keeps getting work.
- How much Eurelijus Zukauskas news is too much Eurelijus Zukauskas news? Well, since we've had none ever, I think we're still some ways short of our limit. So here I am, announcing to you that E-Zook has re-signed with Zalgiris, in his native Lithuania. (If you don't know who Eurelijus Zukauskas is, I'm generously going to tell you - he's a really big and really slow Lithuania centre who the Bucks drafted back in the mid 90's, and whose rights they still own purely as a technicality. He's like Arvydas Sabonis was in his dying days, only inferior. See! Now you've learnt, and now you can discuss him with your friends. However, I sincerely hope, but can't guarantee, that they'll still by your friends afterwards.)
- Also, how much Bulgarian league news is too much Bulgarian news? Quite frankly, it's limitless. So here's some Bulgarian league news - the mighty and insatiable Tim Pickett has signed with Lukoil Akademik, a team in the Bulgarian League. Don't tell your friends this one, though. Make it our little secret.
- Lawrence Roberts signed with Red Star Belgrade, a basketball team in Belgrade, whose team logo has a red star in it. It all makes sense when you break it down and analyse it in its most basic form.
- Matt Freije is to join the Bucks for training camp, because you can never have too many jumpshooting power forwards with weak rebounding rates. Oh, wait, yes you can. By the way, there are a lot of jumpshooting power forwards who do the rounds in the NBA these days - Freije, Malik Allen, Pat Garrity and Steve Novak to name but a few. However, almost all of them are one dimensional players who offer nothing else. Nick Fazekas, however, can also rebound to go with his jumpshot. So why's he the one on the outside looking in? He's going to get a spot with the Nuggets training camp this year, but we all know he's going to be waived, because Denver like to keep costs down. This is injustice. Add Nick Fazekas to my new campaign list (to be announced shortly).
- Mustafa Shakur signed in Spain with Tau Vitoria Ceramica Saski Baskonia (delete as applicable), where he'll replace Goran Dragic, if Goran ever completes his buyout and signs with Phoenix.
- The whistlestop Ronald Dupree World Tour Of The NBA now includes Cleveland, where he'll sign for training camp, and then be cut from.
- This article, dated September 9th, implied that Sam Cassell was to sign a new contract with the Celtics soon. But he hasn't. Make of this what you will.
- Denver rounded out their roster by signing second rounder, Sonny Weems. The subject of Weems has come up a few times now, and I've still got nothing interesting to say about him. Instead of trying, I'll cop out and not bother.
And now, ladies and gentleman, Mr Conway Twitty.
(Possibly the most amusing backing band that I've ever seen in my life.)
There follows a list of the remaining unsigned NBA free agents, and what they're currently rumoured to be doing about their jobless selves. Most of these players suck, because we're over a month into free agency now. Yet this list may still serve as a useful resource if you're sifting through the remaining chunks of free agency vomit, looking for gold dust and/or your brand new watch, relentlessly apologising for ruining the whole party and vowing never to mix Bourbon and Gaymers again. Maybe.
NOTE - decent free agents from other leagues not listed partly because this is an NBA website, and partly because I can't be bothered.
Point guards:
- Kevin Ollie: Recently annointed a role model for reasons other than just the moustache, that video is possibly the only thing on the internet that suggests that some teams want to sign Ollie. By the way, did you know that that's how he spoke? I didn't. I thought it'd be deeper than that. Ho hum.
- Shaun Livingston: Still not cleared to play basketball. In spite of this, the Clippers have talked to him about re-signing anyway, and Miami and Phoenix both also showed an interest. And why wouldn't they? Take a look down this list at how bad the rest of this free agency point guards list is. If you needed a point guard, wouldn't you rather have the guy whose knee doesn't work, than, say, Smush Parker?
- Sam Cassell: Said he intends to play one more year before becoming an assistant coach. "Expects" to stay with the Celtics, who don't seem to be reciprocating quite as much. Cassell either was or wasn't a judge at a pole dancing competition, depending on whether you believe the Boston Globe or Sam himself.
- Jannero Pargo: Apparently on the cusp of signing with the San Antonio Spurs, which seems like an odd decision. Firstly, they don't have much money to give him, which is the reason why Jannero has opted out of contracts two years in a row. Secondly, the reason that they don't have any money is because they spent it on Roger Mason Jr, and why the HELL would you want to pair Jannero Pargo and Roger Mason Jr? Not sure I get that. Even if you start Mason - an idea fraught with danger - and persevere with bringing Manu Ginobili off of the bench, you still get a load of duplication from those two. So what's the point?
- Darrell Armstrong: His agent says that Armstrong has turned down "multiple" coaching opportunities in favour of one more go-around as a player. (If that makes sense.) Orlando were mildly interested. The Nets....less so.
- Dan Dickau: Is considering signing with one of several European teams. He has to - the money's good, and the NBA offers are sparse. More importantly, Dan Dickau is also to host a celebrity poker tournament, sweetened by the deal-breaking offer of a gift bag. So get famous and sign up.
- Damon Stoudamire: The only team with the slightest reported interest is Phoenix. It doesn't seem surprising that no one's looking at Damon, given how badly he did with the Spurs last year, and also because of the giant salad fork sticking out of his back.
- Jason Williams: My great idea for him to re-sign with Sacramento doesn't seem to be working out, given that they brought back a different old boy instead in Bobby Jackson. Williams has had offers from at least one European team, but he doesn't sound too keen on the idea. Shaq wants him in Phoenix, which doesn't really mean anything.
- Chris Quinn (restricted): Hot shit, apparently. The Timberwolves, Clippers, Hawks, Warriors and Wizards have apparently all expressed an interest, and the Heat still have a qualifying offer out there. Life is good for Chris Quinn, even if he is technically unemployed.
- Lindsey Hunter: Hasn't yet decided it he wants to play one more season. If he does, it'll be with Detroit.
- Blake Ahearn: Says that Minnesota "really likes" him after his performances for their summer league team, but hasn't signed anything yet.
Shooting guards:
- Ben Gordon (restricted): Wants a payday like the one Luol Deng just got, in spite of the fact that he has absolutely no free agency suitors other than the Bulls, and also that he isn't as good as Deng. The Bulls want him back - or at least say that they do - and talks are ongoing. But, in the words of fabled philosopher Tim Baland, it's gone get ugly, if it hasn't done so already. (Note: original lyrics may differ.)
- J.R. Smith (restricted): Denver have said that they will match any offer, but Cleveland are apparently about to test that resolve with a full mid level exception offer. Jesus, people. It's J.R. Smith.
- Michael Finley: His agent Henry Thomas says that Finley has turned down some fairly lucrative European offers in favour of a final turn in the NBA. His agent also claims that several "championship calibre teams" want Finley, which means there's no chance of a return to Dallas. (Ho ho ho, see what I did there?)
- Delonte West (restricted): Cleveland are half-arsedly negotiating with him, while also trying far harder to sign J.R. Smith, and simultaneously bringing in Tarence Kinsey as an insurance policy. That can't make West feel good. Boston were supposedly interested in taking him back, and a well paid European offer is on the table, as it is for basically everybody. In fact, it might make more sense for me to merely say who ISN'T being offered big money from Europe.
- Devin Brown: He's not going back to Cleveland. Dallas, New Orleans, Denver and Atlanta are his suitors.
- Gordan Giricek: Wants to return to Phoenix, the team with whom he enjoyed a decent cameo to end last season, but the Suns won't offer more than the minimum, which Giricek won't take. There's a lucractive European offer on the table - OBVIOUSLY - and also some NBA offers from teams that no one wants to name. They must be embarassed at themselves or osmething.
- Ronald Murray: Cleveland "enquired", and that's all we've got. Is it me, or are the Indiana press totally disinterested in reporting the potential destinations of their free agent guards? We know they're not going back to Indiana, but play the game, at least.
- Kirk Snyder: Minnesota didn't offer him a QO, then acquired Rodney Carney to take his place, and no other teams seem to have showed interest? Why is that? He's not THAT bad.
- Quinton Ross: Renounced by the Clippers, ignored by everyone else. WHY, God? WHY? Kareem Rush gets signed early, yet Quinton Ross can't even find a suitor. Rigoddamndiculous.
- Fred Jones: In keeping with our recent little string of "not all that bad shooting guards getting unfairly overlooked", Fred Jones is unsigned and unloved. Come on now. These players aren't great, or even starters. But they're decent players, being dealt the disservice of being stuck at the NBA deepest position. I demand that they be signed.
- Von Wafer: Played summer league with the Knicks, but won't make their roster.
- Shannon Brown: Couldn't (or wouldn't) even get a summer league spot. He's gone.
- Casey Jacobsen: Memphis waived Tarence Kinsey for this guy, don't you know? Jacobsen isn't going back to Memphis, and has no NBA interest to fall back on.
- Yakhouba Diawara: For seemingly no reason, Denver is considering re-signing Diawara, despite just replacing him with the superior Dahntay Jones. Well, good for them.
Apart from double negative usage classes, you never will not be.
- Mario West: Stayed with Atlanta for summer league, but, without a qualifying offer, it doesn't look too likely that he's going back. No one else has said much.
- Ronald Dupree: Went to Oklahoma City's summer league team wearing Seattle Supersonics coloured shoes, albeit probably not on purpose. Unlikely to return, but the man remains confident.
- DerMarr Johnson: Being arrested for DUI didn't do much to strengthen his position as a fringe NBA player.
Small forwards:
- Andre Iguodala (restricted): Negotiations with the Sixers are still in "limbo", but...come on. He's going back there. Where the hell else is he going? The man will fight for the biggest payday, but we all know that he'll get one eventually. Let's not pretend otherwise. Feel free to berate me mercliessly for writing all this bobbins once Iguodala takes the one year qualifying offer and signs with Portland next summer.
- Bonzi Wells: Surprisingly overlooked. New Orleans would rather bring back Ryan Bowen than Bonzi, which is the worst insult that you can give a man. The 6 year contract from Sacramento that Bonzi turned down two years ago is getting ever more hurtful.
- Devean George: Has "several" suitors, but the Clippers are no longer among them, and Dallas apparently aren't either.
- Dorell Wright (restricted): The Heat are "open" to a sign and trade, but to who? No one seems to have expressed an interest.
- Jeremy Richardson (restricted): You can pretty much pencil him in for the Hawks training camp.
- Louis Amundson: A month ago, it seemed a matter of time before Amundson signed a contract with the Golden State Warriors. But then it didn't happen. And now I don't know what's happening.
- Demetris Nichols (restricted): With no suitors and a qualifying offer out there, he'll almost certainly be going to the Bulls training camp, to battle for a spot with players cheaper than he.
- Awvee "Booooo!" Storey: Had his team option declined by Milwaukee, but played on their summer league team anyway. Didn't play very well. No one else wants him.
- Michael Gelabale: No one seems interested, which is probably due to his bad knee injury more than anything.
- Ryan Bowen: See above. A league in which Ryan Bowem has more suitors than Quinton Ross is a very fucked-up league indeed.
- Marcus Williams: Renounced by the Clippers, not courted by others.
- Linton Johnson: It would make sense to return to Phoenix for the minimum, but that's just me theorising, and not a breaking news report.
- Kasib Powell (restricted): Played well for the Heat in summer league, and looks destined to at least go to their training camp, if not make the regular season roster.
Power forwards:
- Josh Smith (restricted): Still unsigned, as well you know. But it's hard to imagine Atlanta buggering this one up.
- Carl Landry (restricted): The Rockets are idiots if they don't re-sign him. Given that they're clearing out some salary by dumping Steve Novak, it looks as though they intend to.
- Austin Croshere: Theories abound of a Golden State return, but nothing is certain.
- Paul Davis: The Clippers renounced him, but were talking about re-signing him anyway, until news of the impending Steve Novak trade. So that probably rules Davis out.
- James Augustine: Waived by Orlando. If anyone can explain to me how a man that wasn't under contract was able to be waived, let me know.
- Othella Harrington: The knees don't work any more, so don't expect a return.
- Shavlik Randolph: Randolph didn't look too bad in his rookie season but has barely taken the court since. No suitors, as you'd expect.
- Sean Marks: Can you believe that Sean Marks has been in the league for 8 years now? 8 years??? How many games has he played in that time? Can't be more than about 14, surely. Things don't look good for a ninth year, but Phoenix seem to love veteran offensive players on minimum salary contracts, so a third year there is still plausible.
- Pat Garrity: His agent said that he (Pat, not the agent) will probably retire if he doesn't re-sign with Orlando. So he's basically destined to retire.
- Robert Horry: The Spurs don't seem to want to play any more, which leaves Horry dangerously short of options, unless the Celtics need someone to mentor Brian Scalabrine.
- Nick Fazekas: The Clippers eventually retracted his qualifying offer - with his consent - which makes Fazekas a free man. Or, if you look at it another way, a homeless man.
Centres:
- Jake Voskuhl: Doesn't even register. NBA people barely acknjowledge his existence. There is always a rush in September to sign tall "defensive" veteran centres, so Voskuhl may get work then, but any dreams of a contract similar to last year's $3 million one from the Milwaukee Bucks have gone by now. They should never have existed in the first place, really.
- Jamaal Magloire: See Voskuhl, but change it to $4 million. Maybe people are starting to recognise that he hasn't been good for about 4 years.
- P.J. Brown: I have no evidence to back this up, but given that he just won the title, wouldn't this be a good moment to call it quits?
- Dikembe Mutombo: His agent says that he won't play for the minimum, which doesn't bode well for his chances of a return to the cost cutting Rockets. That's OK - they'll still have the best defensive team in the NBA even without him.
- Francisco Elson: Was rumoured to be talking to Denver about a possible return, but the Nuggets signed Chris Andersen instead because he was cheaper. Negotiating with the Clippers.
- Robert Swift (restricted): Oklahoma City seem keen to keep him, as evidenced by the qualifying offer that they gave him, despite how little he has played in two years. Other teams seem more perturbed by Swift's incessant knee problems, perhaps rightly so. Personally, I hope it all works out great for him.
- Michael Doleac: His agent offered Doleac's services to Orlando, but do they really need another sub-par backup big man? Does anyone, in fact?
- Chris Richard (restricted): Kevin McHale makes it sound as though Richard's definitely returning. The cheap price and the lack of suitors seem to confirm this.
- Theo Ratliff: I swear I read somewhere during midseason that he intended to retire after this season, but I can't find it now, so forget that I said anything.
- David Harrison: The Pacers have ruled out re-signing him, leaving Harrison with roughly zero options.
- Earl Barron: The Heat are out of room, and Barron's not 18 years old any more. No suitors.
- Alonzo Mourning: Said "one more season" for about the fifth time, but hasn't signed yet.
- Scot Pollard: Unsigned, and not courted, which probably has something to do with the reconstructive surgery on both ankles. And also the fact that it's Scot Pollard.
- Dwayne Jones: Not expected back with Cleveland, which leaves him shit out of luck. Shame.
- Michael Ruffin: No news is normally good news, unless you're Michael Ruffin and yot're awaiting news from your agent of possible contract offers from NBA teams.
- Didier Ilunga-Mbenga: Might be invited to the Lakers training camp, or he might not. It's going to be inconsequential either way.
- Lorenzen Wright: Considering how bad he was during his two years in Atlanta - when he had 186 points, 253 rebounds and 230 fouls - I'm going to go out on a limb and say that no one will sign him. I've got a crow ready and waiting, but I think he's safe.
It's hard to think that all of that crap was in the NBA last year. Bad times.
Sham is a miserable and self-effacing little bastard, whose basketball opinions are often riddled with bias, insecurity, and rank immaturity. He has also never played the sport, and the only game he has ever been to see was a Ware Rebels game back in 2001. The night bus didn't show up and he had to walk the 9 miles home. It was after this that his passion for basketball really took off.
He considers himself to be Britain's foremost NBA expert, an arbitrary title that carries with it no basis in fact, or any worldly significance. He also wrote this section of the website in third person narrative, purely for reasons of arrogance.
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