"I don't have to shoot from more than two feet. I'm top 50. I've got 23,000 from where I shoot." - Shaq after Danny Fortson challenged him to take more jumpshots.
As always, there's no reason for any of this post. I just wanted to give this picture another airing.
Speaking of Ron Artest looking a bit daft, did you ever see his music videos? Here's three of them.
Get Lo
Fever
Whatever the hell this is. (Do yourself a favour and skip the first two minutes.)
Dare I say that they're not bad, considering? It's all relative, obviously. But as second careers go, he's not done too badly. It's a bit amateurish and non-descript, but it's better than anything DerMarr Johnson has ever done. Perhaps Ron needs to work on his approach to the publicity, though.
I prayed to God for a miracle and what happened? Free internet in the PDX airport. The time blew by. I looked at all the funny videos from the letter-opening bunny to the daily condensed soup, which I recommend for everyone to watch — it’s hilarious.
I get on the plane sit in my nice comfortable 1st class seat and to my dismay the “bubble gut monster” arose his bubbly badness inside my stomach. What I mean is that I had to lay down a huge fart. If we were outside in the woods or maybe at an all-guys party I would have tore a hole in the universe but I had to hold it. Too many people too soon and I knew it was gonna smell.
Et cetera.
All I ask for from NBA players is a semblance of personality. It's a small ask, yet one often unfulfilled by people professionally trained to be dull and boring. A small bit of personality goes a long way, particularly if you aren't very good. If you're likeable as a person, then by proxy you're more likeable as a player. This theory worked on me for Paul Shirley, Scot Pollard, Mark Pope, Andrew Bogut, Rod Benson, Yao Ming, Jalen Rose, Rasheed Wallace, Jonny Gomes, and even Ron Artest. In my book, you gain invauable bonus points for just not being dull. (Let it be known, though, that you will also lose said points for all animal cruelty charges accrued. So that definitely counts against Ron.)
Similarly, if you're completely humourless, the chances are that I won't even try to enjoy watching you play. This is why I'm always quick to defoul Josh Smith, try to avoid Cavaliers games, and why the Derrick Rose era doesn't hearten me as much as it should. (Michael Beasley is entertaining, and he's good. Let it be known that I wanted him, while also remembering that my opinion on draftees ain't worth a damn thing.)
So every time I learn of an NBA player showing signs of a personality without a hint of remorse, I'm all for you. Well done, Mr Frye. Keep writing and not being Josh Smith.
(By the way, the above "personality = good" theory doesn't particularly apply to Gilbert Arenas. He's just interfering. Points gained for trying, points lost for being annoying.)
- After much protestation on my part, the Clippers finally waived Josh Powell, hours before his contract became guaranteed. They then use the resultant cap space to sign veteran forward Brian Skinner. Thus, waiving Powell WAS worth it after all. My same plaudits and criticisms of every other Clippers free agency move so far also apply here - good player, very good value, but again with the age? (Oh well. Signing good players for good value can never be a bad thing.)
This move also impacts me on a personal level, as I had advocated Brian Skinner as a good signing for my incorrigible Chicago Bulls, because the idea of Aaron Gray and Drew Gooden as backup centres doesn't stir my loins. I tend to get right bummy and anal when what I deem to be a great addition falls by the wayside (See also: Devin Brown, Jason Kapono, Luther Head), and so you might be hearing a lot more talk about Brian Skinner around these parts. Additionally, if Ben Gordon leaves as a free agent, my Salim Stoudamire campaign is going global.
- Speaking of the Bulls, they actually did stuff. After overpaying to re-sign Luol Deng, the Bulls also then waived guard JamesOn Curry, leading to a round of "JamesOff The Team" jokes from people who should probably know better. Including me. Curry's salary was only $100,000, thus waiving him saved the Bulls $169,403 (Curry's $711,517 salary, minus the $100,000 amount of his guarantee, and the $442,114 cost of his rookie replacement, something which I have just assumed will happen.) This is the kind of purse-string dalliance that the Bulls will be regularly flirting with now, determined as they are to not pay the luxury tax. Cedric Simmons, don't even bother unpacking.
- Orlando waived James Augustine, a move only baffling if you poke around and discover that, according to everybody, he wasn't even under contract in the first place. Strange times.
- Rumours abound that Premiata Montegranaro - the Italian first division team who I mentioned earlier after they signed Darius Rice - are to try and sign the formerly famous and currently infamous Shawn Kemp. Apparently, if that doesn't work out, Bread Mountain have a different nearly-40-substance-abusing-power-forward-who-has-been-out-of-the-game-for-ages-and-whose-weight-could-be-anywhere already lined up, in the form of Vin Baker. I don't know whether such reports were fashioned before the team had had any kind of first hand look of the two players, but I'd pretty confidently guess not. It might chance their stance.
- In other scrub news, Ken Johnson signed with the Koeln 99ers in Germany, and Kennedy Winston signed with Turk Telekom. You can probably figure out which country that team resides in. HarpringIsMyHomeslice.com: the only NBA website to actually still care about Ken Johnson. (You hear that, Ken? We care. Call me.)
That trade owns for Houston. Simply owns. It's a risk, for it is a risk whenever someone acqures Ron Artest before he's even gotten there, Artest has already made a twat out of himself to the Houston fans. But it's a risk worth taking. Artest is on an expiring contract, and if things don't work out, it need only be a one year investment. With Tracy McGrady starting to show signs of age, Houston's championship window is pretty small, but this move demonstrates that they clearly understand that and will give it a shot while they can.
The defense that the new Rockets lineup can put together is friggin' awesome. Awesome, I say. The Rockets now have two of the most versatile and skilled defenders in the league at the forward spots in Artest and Shane Battier, and McGrady is not bad either. Rafer Alston tries hard, even if he doesn't really know what he's doing, and Yao Ming intimidates you just by being there. Off the bench, the Rockets boast more good defensive forwards in Mike Harris, Carl Landry and Joey Dorsey (maybe), while Luther Head doesn't do all that badly defending players that are often bigger than him. The Rockets also boast an underrated defensive head coach in Rick Adelman.
Offensively, the Rockets still have questions. The guards either can't shoot, or don't know when they're supposed to (that's you again, Rafer. Not you, Brent Barry and Luther Head), and while the Rockets continue to look for shooters, the only player consistently able to create shots for others is McGrady. However, Artest will help the Rockets on the offensive end too, even though he has absolutely no concept of offensive continuity.
It's not too bad for the Kings, either. Not going anywhere fast, they've managed to get a promising young player, a draft pick, and an expiring contract that doesn't interfere with their salary situation. Greene may be the worst chucker in the history of professional basketball, but he has offensive skills, and maybe one day he'll either learn to shoot like Kobe Bryant (which would somewhat justify his shot selection), or realise that he can't and stop trying to. They can also pretend that Bobby Jackson wil play like he did during his first stint in Sacramento. And they might even get Ewing and Singletary back.
I think we've found a trade that makes sense, you know.
"Hopefully, he's not fighting anymore and going after a guy in the stands," Yao said, according to the Chronicle.
When asked about those comments, Artest said Yao had bought into "all the propaganda" about him, according to The Sacramento Bee.
"I understand what Yao said, but I'm still ghetto," Artest said, according to the report. "That's not going to change. I'm never going to change my culture. Yao has played with a lot of black players, but I don't think he's ever played with a black player that really represents his culture as much as I represent my culture. Once Yao Ming gets to know me, he'll understand what I'm about."
There's no reason for any of this post. I just wanted to give that picture an airing.
As you probably heard about, Sacramento Kings big man Justin Williams has been accused of drugging and raping a woman that he met at a party at his house last week. If you didn't know that, you heard it here first!, which is not really a good thing.
It seems a particularly noteworthy rape accusation towards and NBA player to chronicle, though, for it has a certain facet to it that no previos accusation has had. This new wrinkle is the fact that Williams, apparently, has "proof" that there no rape going on, as told to us by Williams's lawyer:
The truth is nothing happened that night that was not consensual, and we have proof of it," William J. Portanova, Williams' lawyer, told the Sacramento Bee. "While some people may find it distasteful to think about it, it's a reality of 21st-century life."
Hmmm, OK.
So let's assume the obvious for a moment here, and assume that Williams's "proof" is a video tape of some sort, of this encounter of some sort. That seems to be pretty certainly what it's going to be, unless somebody can think of another 21st Century way of proving consensual sexual encounters. (In the 18th century, they had paintings. True story.)
This poses a few posers.
1) If the woman knew she was being filmed, how can a girl cry rape when she's having consensual sex, consensually, on camera?
2) If she DIDN'T know she was being filmed, is Williams not commiting a serious crime by covertly filming her like this? Just because she has consented to taking it in the ass, it doesn't necessarily mean that she is totally cool with the idea of being filmed doing it. And even though it's his house, is there not a human rights issue going on there?
3) Is it normal for an NBA player to be picking up floozies for fun and frolics at a house party attended by numerous employees of the team he is playing for? Even for a team owned by the Maloof brothers?
Also, when are we going to see the first NBA sex tape, and how have we come this far (so to speak) without one to date (so to speak)? And, when the inevitable does come out (so to speak), who will be the one to do it (so to speak)?
My money is on Robert Swift. That bastard is crazy enough to do it. I originally thought it might be Ron Artest, but he'd just film himself posing nude or something. Swift, though, might do it. He seems sufficiently confident. Also, there's no doubt that he's ploughing his way through some serious tofu, so you know the opportunity is there. Have you seen the guy lately?
Sexayyyyy.
(Dennis Rodman doesn't count, by the way. First, he's not in the NBA any more, and second, it's tooooooo obvious.)
Sham is a miserable and self-effacing little bastard, whose basketball opinions are often riddled with bias, insecurity, and rank immaturity. He has also never played the sport, and the only game he has ever been to see was a Ware Rebels game back in 2001. The night bus didn't show up and he had to walk the 9 miles home. It was after this that his passion for basketball really took off.
He considers himself to be Britain's foremost NBA expert, an arbitrary title that carries with it no basis in fact, or any worldly significance. He also wrote this section of the website in third person narrative, purely for reasons of arrogance.
Copyright ShamSports.com, 2005-2010. Every published word on this website
is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
the really stupid ones that I wish I'd never written.
