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Monday, 16 March 2009

Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 56

- Robert Whaley barely played in the D-League last year, averaging 4.0 points and 2.7 rebounds per game for the L.A. D-Fenders, and he has not signed anywhere this season. He also barely played in 2006/07, spending his time between the ABA, the Dominican Republic and Iran. Nevertheless, Whaley still received a full year of NBA salary back in the 2005/06 season, in spite of his relative failings in the professional game, so who's the joke on now? (Answer: Robert Whaley. He's the one that's about to turn 27, he's the one that can't play to a D-League standard, he's the one with the lengthy criminal history, he's the one who lied to the police to his name to the Jazz about the cut in his hand, and he's not even the most famous person with that name.)

- Davin White is signed in Serbia with Swisslion Takovo Lions Vrsac. Nope, me neither. White averages 4.8 points, 3.3 fouls and 2.0 assists in the Balkan league, but no word on whether his finger nails are still really, really pink.

- Jahidi White has not played since an unsuccessful training camp bid with the Cavaliers in 2006. Since then, his only newsmaking appearance was in a non-speaking role on a sci-fi channel show called Showdown at Area 51. He played an alien.

- Rodney White started the year with Maccabi Tel Aviv, fell out of favour after one game and got waived. Not one to be kept down, R-Whites signed in China with the Zhejiang Guangsha Lions, and he leads the country in scoring. Considering how easy it is to score in China if you're American and/or able to jump off the floor, this is no mean feat. White averages 1.1 blocks, 2.4 steals, 5.1 assists, 8.3 rebounds and 36.4 points per game. (See what I did there?) In his last game, White played all 48 minutes and put up 62 points, 11 rebounds and 7 assists. If you want to know why American players like playing in the Chinese league.....well, the answer is staring you in the face.

- Chris Whitney is long since out of the game, which is a shame, because he was a straight baller.

- Jason Williams requested a reinstatement from his retirement last month, but it was vetoed by several teams (any reinstatement needs to be unanimous, and I think six teams rejected it). The fact that he's seemingly not injured at all would suggest that he only retired like he did because he regretted signing with the Clippers in the first place. It's something to consider, Baron.

- Aaron Williams's one year waiving anniversary is due soon. Nothing has really happened since then, though.

- Alvin Williams is also unsigned, and since two years have passed since he last played, it's about time he tried another comeback. Especially since he just lost his Raptors all-time assists record to Jose Calderon.

- Eric Williams, the former journeyman forward, is retired. Eric Williams, the former Wake Forest centre, averages 9.9 points and 5.1 rebounds for Air Avellino in the Euroleague. Eric Williams, the former Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago, is dead.

- Frank Williams, the former Knicks point guard, is in the D-League, where he averages 17.2 points and 3.5 assists per game. Those 17.3 points per game, though, come on an extremely inefficient 36% shooting, and this is because Frank Williams attempts two three pointers for every one two pointer. This man, who used to have a laughably bad jumpshot, is now pretty much a three point specialist. He's not a very special three point specialist, as evidenced by the 37% success rate from back there, but it's all he does now, and he averages nearly 8 long range attempts per game. Odd.

- Finally, Jay Williams is now a pundit for ESPN's college basketball coverage, where he gets to hear first hand quite how brilliant Hubert Davis's vowel sounds and over-enthused fake laugh are.


Also, because this entry kind of sucked a bit since everyone in it is retired, I'm calling it early: Javaris Crittenton, Brendan Haywood and Mike James to Dallas in exchange for Jerry Stackhouse and Matt Carroll. Done only on the condition that Dallas can't find a better use for Stackhouse's salary, which they may well do. Washington later pawns off Stewie Griffin to some poor sap to help dodge the tax, and Dallas gets a decent centre for a year and a further 2010 saving This prediction is largely baseless but well intentioned. If it doesn't happen, then neither did this post.

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Thursday, 17 July 2008

Summer signings, round 4

- Andreas Glyniadakis, former Pistons draft pick and one-time Sonic, has extended his contract with Costa Coffee in Greece. I hope that the sponsoring of team names never catches hold in the NBA, even when it leads to beautiful times.

- Ersan Ilyasova, whose NBA rights are still owned by the Milwaukee Bucks, has seen his contract with Barcelona extended. It seems odd that, in this instance, the NBA franchise has been the feeder club for the European team. 10 years ago, that just doesn't happen.

- Gabe Muoneke, a man on the fringes of the NBA for about 6 years now before finally getting a sniff with the Charlotte Bobcats last October, has signed with Asvel in France. Last season, Muoneke played in Iran, and he's probably made the right decision to get out.

- English supestar Pops Mensah-Bonsu has signed with Joventut Badalona in Spain, and, if I've ever called them Joventut Barcelona in the past, then I apologise. Pops will play alongside Ricky Rubio, and if you've heard that name but don't know much about him.......he's brilliant. He really is.

- Qyntel Woods has signed with Fortitudo Bologna. I want to make a joke about dogs, but I like dogs, so I won't. By the way, I sponsored a dog recently, and let me tell you - it's a damn scam. I take my time choosing which dog I want to sponsor, pay for a full year, but then they send me a letter saying "we're sorry, but that dog is no longer available to sponsor". And then they kept the money anyway. Bastards. So learn from my mistakes - if you're feeling philanthropic, sponsor a panda or a child or a leper or something. There's no value in the dog thing.

- Rodney White - possibly the worst player in modern history to have a triple double in an NBA game, depending on your view of Chris Duhon - has signed for Maccabi Tel Aviv, which is in Tel Aviv, Israel.

- Troy Bell has signed for Soresina in Italy's lower divisions. The drafting of Bell was quite possibly the worst roster move that Jerry West has ever made in the NBA, depending on how shit hot your NBA history knowledge is. (Mine's awful.) Players drafted after Troy Bell in 2003 include David West, Leandro Barbosa, Josh Howard, Kendrick Perkins, Boris Diaw, Jason Kapono, Carlos Delfino, Maurice Williams, Luke Walton, Zaza Pachulia, James Jones, Kyle Korver, Steve Blake, Travis Outlaw........et cetera. Whoops.

- Former Denver Nuggets guard Vincent Yarborough has hit the big time, signing for Bonn in Germany. The mere mention of Vincent Yarborough has reminded me of how bad that 2002/03 Denver Nuggets team was, and so, for the hell of it, here is a run down of the whereabouts of everyone they gave an airing to that season.

1: Juwan Howard - unsigned, spent last season with the Dallas Mavericks.
2: James Posey - agreed today to sign with the New Orleans Hornets for 4 years.
3: Maybyner Hilario - the only one still with Denver, although he hasn't played much for a variety of reasons, including cancer.
4: Chris Whitney - long since out of the game. And the headlines.
5: Shammond Williams - now a Georgian citizen, somehow. Playing for Pamesa Valencia in Spain.
6: Rodney White - see above.
7: Donnell Harvey - recently joined the Charlotte Bobcats summer league team, but left early due to a family emergency. Unsigned. (By the way, speaking of the Bobcats summer league, Jackie Butler was supposed to be on it, but he never turned up. If we haven't done so already, can we officially scrub Jackie Butler from our minds? Thanks.)
8: Marcus Camby - yes, well, let's not talk about that.
9: Devin Brown - unsigned, last season played for the Cavaliers.
10: Jeff Trepagnier - unsigned, spent last season with Pau Orthez in France.
11: Kenny Satterfield - Scoop Jackson assures us he's fine.
12: Mark Blount - currently the Miami Heat's starting centre, which probably enthuses them no end.
13: Chris Andersen - unsigned, but that won't last. Played all of 34 minutes last year with the Hornets.
14: Lorinza Harrington - playing for the Philadelphia 76ers summer league team.
15: Nikoloz Tskitishvili - unsigned. Quick! Before someone snaps him up!
16: Ryan Bowen - unsigned, played last for the Hornets, Says he's "hopeful" of being re-signed, something which I agree with.
17: John Crotty - very very done, but I don't know what he does now.
18: Adam Harrington - unsigned, played last year in the D-League.
19: Predrag Savovic - has one year left of a five year contract that he signed with Bilboa in Spain back in 2004. Still sucks, but he has Luke Recker, Drago Pasalic, Mile Ilic, Quincy Lewis and Fran Vazquez for company.
20: Vincent Yarborough - see above.
21: Mark Bryant - didn't play again after leaving this very same Nuggets team. Now an Oklahoma City assistant coach.

Jesus. What a shite team that was.

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