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ShamSports.com: Not as baseball-centric as the decor would suggest.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

Come Back, Baby Come Back

As you might presently yourself fully be aware of, my grammar sucks. Also, you might have noticed that nothing has happened around here lately. Well, it's OK, I'm here.

Thanks to those of you who showed genuine concern as to whether I was maimed, imprisoned, dead, or worse. You're very compassionate, kind-hearted and sincere, traits that will inevitably lead to a joyful existence on the heavenly half of the afterlife. Conversely, fuck off to those of you who showed anger and resentment at my lack of posting and/or site updates, as if I was in some way contractually obliged to do what you want, when you wanted it. May I remind you that this is a free website, with no adverts, greatly superior to every comparable website on the internet (particularly with regards to the colour scheme) run by a man who frankly you should spend a good 90 minutes of every day praising, rejoicing, and fellating. You'll get what you're given, as and when I choose to give it. You hell-destined bar stewards.

The actual answer to the age-old question of "where the hell were you?" is that I was on holiday. I went to the Costa Del Sol, in November, escaping the classic British grey of November time. So you can see why that was more fun than calculating Rob Kurz's salary for the remainder of the season.

Do you want to see my holiday photos? Ch'yeah you do! Here are some of my holiday photos!


The Sun. It was hot. I burnt.




My burn.




A fat woman whose arse seemed to have no seam. (Identity concealed, expertly.)




The mighty Grunkel television that kept us entertained with German versions of Remington Steele and soft core pornography all week long. No, I don't know why all Spanish television is German either.




A dog curling one out.




A dead fish.



Now that I've been sufficiently self-effacing and boring in equal measure, here are my thoughts on stuff, for all those who struggled to go a full week without my aggressive and misguided thoughts on stuff.

1: I didn't initially know who I liked the Denver/Detroit deal for most when it happened, if either. But in the week or so that I've spent lying on beaches not thinking about it, I've decided I like it for both teams. Detroit gets the better player and the best salary in Allen Iverson, which can never be a bad combination, while Denver switches up a core that was never going to work anyway, almost getting under the luxury tax in the process. (After Antonio McDyess's buyout, Denver is now no more than a small dollop over their eternal enemy, the luxury tax threshold. If they waft a pick Memphis's way, they should be able to dump Chucky Atkins, whose salary for next year is only $760,000 guaranteed, thus not affecting Memphis's 2009 cap space plan much. This move gets Denver under the tax, finally, and it need only cost them the pick that they got from Charlotte for Alexis Ajinca to do it. Also note that I'm just an ideas man, not a soothsayer. Houston would be sensible to do much the same with Steve Francis, who is entirely surplus to requirements in both Memphis and Houston, and whose salary is keeping the Rockets in the tax territory. But his expiring is tolerable for the Grizzlies with apt sweeteners. With those two deals, Memphis could gain two picks without changing their long or short term plans, while Houston and Denver save lots of money on players and picks that they don't need. To me, this makes sense. Does that mean it will happen? No. But, between now and February, I'd place a call. Boy, this bracket got a bit long.)

(Oh, by the way - the combined $34 million in expirings that Detroit can now offer up with Iverson and Rasheed Wallace makes that Kwame Brown deal look even worse. Whoops.)

2: I forgot to post my Houston and Phoenix previews before going away. If you want them, send an email. Enclose money.

3: I really can't stand Bob Ortegal. In the years that I've listened to him, I can't remember one single insightful or interesting comment. Now, history tells me that when you question a team's announcing duo, fans of that team will then try to kill you with words and insults, so I expect Dallas fans to now do much the same. But, seriously. Take a step back and reanalyse. He's awful. There's no chemistry, no humour, no insight and you know for a bloody fact that he's never watched a game that he hasn't commentated on. (For example, take Dallas's preseason game versus Chicago. Ortegal admits he's never seen Derrick Rose play before, concludes after two drives that Rose only goes to his left, and then spends the rest of the night finding excuses for every time Rose went right. That's so dumb, I should have said it.) There exists only a dull, repetitive retelling of what the replay he's "analysing" depicts. And any old bastard can do that. I just wanted to vent this.

4: The Bulls suck in a variety of ways, which is a shame. Good luck John. (By the way, last night I dreamt that Paxson unretired and filled the Bulls current backup point guard void, proof if it were needed that I didn't have any fleeting holiday romances. After having seen they signed Lindsey Hunter, I kind of wish it had come true.)

5: In keeping with this website's continued attempts to be better than everybody else, here's next year's free agents.

6: When it happened, I nearly wrote something in this blog about the Pau Gasol trade. In contrast to the opinions of everyone else in the world, I was keeping to leap in and defend the Grizzlies' end of the trade. But I didn't, because I couldn't be bothered. I've rued that laziness for a while, so let me go on the record now, despite it being a bit late since the secret of the awesomeness of Marc Gasol got out: Memphis did all right. When your mandate is to make a salary dump, and you wind up getting the second biggest expiring contract in the league, you're off to a good start. But in addition to that, the Grizzlies got good young talent that people don't acknowledge. As well as Kwame Brown's salary, the Grizzlies got back Javaris Crittenton (good young guard, with emphasis on the "young" - he's still only 20), and the rights to Marc Gasol (a starting calibre NBA centre, whether you knew of this in advance or not). The Grizzlies also two first round picks from the Lakers, one of which has become Darrell Arthur, their 20 year old starting power forward formerly thought to be a high lottery pick. They still have their other pick to come, along with almost double maximum cap room, while taking back not one bad contract or inconsequential player in the deal. That's a good return on a one-time-All-Star power forward, particularly when you only wanted to dump salary.

What we may have witnessed here is a win-win trade, where both teams get what they wanted and improved as a result. This should be the result of every trade, and we shouldn't try to find only one winner to the deal. The Lakers clearly benefitted greatly from the deal, but Memphis won too. Yes, such a conclusion is entirely possible.

There. The balance is redressed. Now take out the bits about Darrell Arthur, and pretend I wrote that in February.

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Thursday, 4 September 2008

Ron Artest Gets A New Haircut

This time, he shaved in the Rockets logo.



As always, there's no reason for any of this post. I just wanted to give this picture another airing.



Speaking of Ron Artest looking a bit daft, did you ever see his music videos? Here's three of them.

Get Lo



Fever



Whatever the hell this is. (Do yourself a favour and skip the first two minutes.)





Dare I say that they're not bad, considering? It's all relative, obviously. But as second careers go, he's not done too badly. It's a bit amateurish and non-descript, but it's better than anything DerMarr Johnson has ever done. Perhaps Ron needs to work on his approach to the publicity, though.



(Oh sod it, let's post it again.)



(Why not, I say.)

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Friday, 1 August 2008

Summer signings, round 12

- After much protestation on my part, the Clippers finally waived Josh Powell, hours before his contract became guaranteed. They then use the resultant cap space to sign veteran forward Brian Skinner. Thus, waiving Powell WAS worth it after all. My same plaudits and criticisms of every other Clippers free agency move so far also apply here - good player, very good value, but again with the age? (Oh well. Signing good players for good value can never be a bad thing.)

This move also impacts me on a personal level, as I had advocated Brian Skinner as a good signing for my incorrigible Chicago Bulls, because the idea of Aaron Gray and Drew Gooden as backup centres doesn't stir my loins. I tend to get right bummy and anal when what I deem to be a great addition falls by the wayside (See also: Devin Brown, Jason Kapono, Luther Head), and so you might be hearing a lot more talk about Brian Skinner around these parts. Additionally, if Ben Gordon leaves as a free agent, my Salim Stoudamire campaign is going global.

- Speaking of the Bulls, they actually did stuff. After overpaying to re-sign Luol Deng, the Bulls also then waived guard JamesOn Curry, leading to a round of "JamesOff The Team" jokes from people who should probably know better. Including me. Curry's salary was only $100,000, thus waiving him saved the Bulls $169,403 (Curry's $711,517 salary, minus the $100,000 amount of his guarantee, and the $442,114 cost of his rookie replacement, something which I have just assumed will happen.) This is the kind of purse-string dalliance that the Bulls will be regularly flirting with now, determined as they are to not pay the luxury tax. Cedric Simmons, don't even bother unpacking.

- Orlando waived James Augustine, a move only baffling if you poke around and discover that, according to everybody, he wasn't even under contract in the first place. Strange times.

- Rumours abound that Premiata Montegranaro - the Italian first division team who I mentioned earlier after they signed Darius Rice - are to try and sign the formerly famous and currently infamous Shawn Kemp. Apparently, if that doesn't work out, Bread Mountain have a different nearly-40-substance-abusing-power-forward-who-has-been-out-of-the-game-for-ages-and-whose-weight-could-be-anywhere already lined up, in the form of Vin Baker. I don't know whether such reports were fashioned before the team had had any kind of first hand look of the two players, but I'd pretty confidently guess not. It might chance their stance.

- In other scrub news, Ken Johnson signed with the Koeln 99ers in Germany, and Kennedy Winston signed with Turk Telekom. You can probably figure out which country that team resides in. HarpringIsMyHomeslice.com: the only NBA website to actually still care about Ken Johnson. (You hear that, Ken? We care. Call me.)

- And now news of a trade that hasn't happened yet. The Sacramento Kings will trade Ron Artest to the Houston Rockets for an assortment of goodies, including Bobby Jackson, Donte Green, and a first round draft pick. (Patrick Ewing Jr and Sean Singletary will apparently be included for salary matching, and will then be waived.)

That trade owns for Houston. Simply owns. It's a risk, for it is a risk whenever someone acqures Ron Artest before he's even gotten there, Artest has already made a twat out of himself to the Houston fans. But it's a risk worth taking. Artest is on an expiring contract, and if things don't work out, it need only be a one year investment. With Tracy McGrady starting to show signs of age, Houston's championship window is pretty small, but this move demonstrates that they clearly understand that and will give it a shot while they can.

The defense that the new Rockets lineup can put together is friggin' awesome. Awesome, I say. The Rockets now have two of the most versatile and skilled defenders in the league at the forward spots in Artest and Shane Battier, and McGrady is not bad either. Rafer Alston tries hard, even if he doesn't really know what he's doing, and Yao Ming intimidates you just by being there. Off the bench, the Rockets boast more good defensive forwards in Mike Harris, Carl Landry and Joey Dorsey (maybe), while Luther Head doesn't do all that badly defending players that are often bigger than him. The Rockets also boast an underrated defensive head coach in Rick Adelman.

Offensively, the Rockets still have questions. The guards either can't shoot, or don't know when they're supposed to (that's you again, Rafer. Not you, Brent Barry and Luther Head), and while the Rockets continue to look for shooters, the only player consistently able to create shots for others is McGrady. However, Artest will help the Rockets on the offensive end too, even though he has absolutely no concept of offensive continuity.

It's not too bad for the Kings, either. Not going anywhere fast, they've managed to get a promising young player, a draft pick, and an expiring contract that doesn't interfere with their salary situation. Greene may be the worst chucker in the history of professional basketball, but he has offensive skills, and maybe one day he'll either learn to shoot like Kobe Bryant (which would somewhat justify his shot selection), or realise that he can't and stop trying to. They can also pretend that Bobby Jackson wil play like he did during his first stint in Sacramento. And they might even get Ewing and Singletary back.

I think we've found a trade that makes sense, you know.

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Tuesday, 11 March 2008

There's never a bad time to do a Dikembe Mutombo impression



Someone should have told Luis Scola who Dikembe Mutombo is before asking him to do an impression of him.

Other than that, great fun.

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