Robert Whaley arrested for carrying drugs in his arse

The cheerful looking sausage in this picture is former Utah Jazz and Toronto Raptors big man, Robert Whaley. You may remember him, or you may not. But if you do, it's probably because either:

a) you're a Cincinnati Bearcats fan who remembers Whaley for the one year of fail he brought your team in 2003-04 before being forced to transfer due to off-the-court issues,

b) you're a Raptors fan who remembers Whaley's inclusion as a throw-in in the trade that ended the Rafael Araujo Experience, or

c) you're a Jazz fan who remembers Whaley as being the fat one that was arrested alongside Deron Williams back in 2005, in an incident that saw them humiliate and besmirch themselves by giving false names to the police.

Either way, your memories of Robert Whaley probably aren't great.

A recurrent theme in that list, other than fail, is Whaley's trend of getting involved in off-the-court issues. Largely unbeknownst to me until today, Whaley has been making a habit of that over the last few years. In the early hours of this morning, per the Salt Lake Tribune, Whaley was a passenger in a car when he was arrested by "gang detectives", whatever they are, and found to have marijuana in his buttocks. Upon being processed, it also turned out that Whaley was a wanted fugitive in the state of Michigan after being convicted of running a drug house back in 2008. The obligatory mugshot follows.


2008 also marked the last time Whaley played professional basketball. And his career, dating back to the end of his high school years, was not exactly dignified. After almost winning Mr Basketball in the state of Michigan in 2001, Whaley spent two years at Barton County community college, averaging 16.9 points and 7.7 rebounds per game, before moving to Cincinnati for his junior season. (By the way, "Mr Basketball" is the lamest expression ever.) Once at Cincinnati, Whaley had more field goal attempts than points scored, and grabbed only 4.3 rebounds per 40 minutes, before being kicked off the team and forced to transfer.

Whaley moved to Walsh University, a team in the NAIA (and, not coincidentally, then-Cininnati head coach Bob Huggins's alma mater), and things finally improved a bit. Considering how far he'd moved down the basketball ladder, they kind of had to. Whaley averaged 19.9 points, 7.5 rebounds and 2.2 blocks per game, was named the NAIA Division 2 player of the year, and led Walsh to their first and only NAIA National Championship. That, plus the magical word "potential", was enough to get Whaley drafted that summer 51st overall. No matter that he was a terrible rebounder, wouldn't play defense, was out of shape, had rarely played to a standard worth a damn and hadn't played well when he did, was highly inconsistent, had a terrible attitude, big turnover problems and multiple off-court issues; he was a scoring big man who moved OK. And that's what the NBA needs most.

Whaley's first season in the NBA was also his last. It started ominously well when Whaley earned himself a two game suspension for throwing a punch at Adam Parada (then on the Lakers' training camp roster) in a preseason game. And then when he started playing, it got no better. In 23 games, Whaley averaged 2.3 points, 1.9 rebounds, 0.6 turnovers and 1.8 fouls per game, shooting 40% from the field and 50% from the line. For per-36 minute fans, that's 8.3 points, 7.3 rebounds, 7.0 fouls and 2.6 turnovers. Whaley then missed the majority of the season after knee surgery, and then topped off his season with the incident with Williams. Robert and Deron were both with a class C violation for lying to police after an early morning altercation at a club. A Denver Nuggets fan with the slightly awesome name of Affan Arslanagic (sounds more like a suppository) started having a go at Williams and Jazz team mate Robert Whaley in a club, eventually throwing a bottle at them. All three got thrown out of the place, but the fight continued in the street. When police arrived, Whaley said that his name was "Bobby Williams", and Williams said his name was "Torrey Ellis". I don't know why they did this.

At some point in the altercation, Whaley also cut his hand. He then lied about this to the Jazz, claiming that his infant son accidentally cut it with a knife. His cunning ruse was soon rumbled, however, and he was fined and suspended for two games by the team.

After the season ended, the Jazz traded Whaley as filler in the Kris Humphries/Rafael Araujo swap before draft night 2006. The Raptors two weeks later before draft night. Whaley has never sniffed the NBA again. He played on the Jazz's summer league team at the Rocky Mountain Revue in 2006 - even after they had traded him away a mere month before - and then split the 2006-07 season between the Dominican Republic, the ABA and Iran. In 2007/08 Whaley went to the D-League, but in 21 games with the Los Angeles D-Fenders he averaged only 4.2 points, 2.9 rebounds and 2.8 fouls in 12.9 minutes per game. This was the last professional basketball gig of his career; as outlined at the top of the post, it appears he found a new source of income elsewhere.

Whaley's criminal history also includes two felony counts of aggravated battery after partaking in some kind of brawl in 2003, to which he was sentenced to a year's probation. And that history is perhaps highlighted - if that's the right word - by a rape trial in 2001 involving a 13 year old girl. Whaley was eventually acquitted in that case after a mistrial was declared, but that's what first crippled his stock and necessitated the two years at community college.

You're getting the idea by now, though. Robert Whaley = fail. In fact, in a mini Twitter homage, we may now have to call him Failwhale.

Speaking of Twitter, Robert Whaley appears to have an account there, and he didn't even use an alias to do it. On it is what appears to the harrowing story of his son being knocked down and killed by a car this summer, as well as some slightly clingy messages to current Jazz players. Whaley has not used the account for a while, and he's probably not going to do so soon either.

Nevertheless, if I can find Robert Whaley just by searching Twitter, why couldn't Michigan State police?

Yeah. So. This Actually Happened.

http://www.twitvid.com/1BABD


At the end of the third quarter of a game that was a blowout from the fifth minute onwards, Raptors point guard Jarrett Jack holds the ball at the top of the key. Noticing his shoelace is undone, he tucks the ball under his arm while the clock continues to tick, and ties it back up.

Not a single Bulls player tries to knock it away.

That basically summed up the whole game. The Bulls played worse than any team has ever played in any game at any standard in any season of any decade in any league in any country of any sport ever. They were listless, talentless and overmatched, with the playbook of a Corleggy cheese and all the energy of a bag of spanners. They fought like a Frenchman on their way to losing 110-79, in front of a sold out crowd of men in suits who refused to boo as if they cared. It's the only time I've ever turned off a game because I couldn't stand to watch it. Bad, bad, bad times.

If you happen to own or run an NBA team and are looking to hire someone to work 80 hour weeks as a professional nerd, hire me. Because then I can stop supporting the Bulls.

Where Are They Now: 2009 Summer League Teams Part 3

It's been roughly two months since summer league started, and most of the players involved have been rehomed now. The following is a list of where everybody currently is, or where they might be going.

This list gets a bit long, so if you want to just skip to your favoured team, you can do so. I'll allow that.


New York Knicks

My initial summary


- Wink Adams: Adams is signed with Oyak Renault Bursa in Turkey. Wink Adams fact: an anagram of Wink Adams is "wankmaids." When I'm rich and famous, I'm hiring wankmaids. Fact.

- Alex Acker: Almost as soon as he was back in it, Acker is out of the NBA again. He is signed with Armani Jeans Milano in Italy.

- Blake Ahearn: See Nets/Sixers entry.

- Morris Almond: Almond is unsigned. I haven't heard anything about him agreeing to a training camp invite anywhere, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did. And I wouldn't be surprised if it was with the Knicks.

- Warren Carter: Unsigned.

- Joe Crawford: Crawford is, and always was, under contract through 2010. So he's going to camp.

- Toney Douglas: Douglas shot like crap in summer league, but passed for an impressive 7 assists per game. If he's going to try and reinvent himself as a point guard in the up-tempo system, then that's a pretty good start. However, the entire team shot less than 39% for the tournament, which is less complimentary of Douglas's offense-running skills.

- Patrick Ewing Jr: Ewing missed summer league with injuries. He is unsigned, and sounds like a training camp candidate.

- Jordan Hill: Jordan Hill may well prove to be the second best big man in this draft. This says more about the draft than Jordan Hill.

- Ron Howard: Unsigned.

- Yaroslav Korolev: For the Knicks to have thought they could have gotten anything out of Yaroslav Korolev was very, very ambitious. Although not nearly as ambitious as the Clippers drafting him in the first place. I can't find anything that either confirms or denies that Korolev will be with Dynamo Moscow again next year, but assume that he is until further notice.

- David Noel: Noel agreed to sign in France with Roanne back in June, and was still playing in the Philippines playoffs when summer league was going on. As a result, he never played for the Knicks.

- Mouhamed Sene: Sene was waived by the Knicks after summer league ended. He blocked 8 shots in 35 minutes of SL play, but, as ever, showed nothing else. He remains unsigned. Answer me this: who was the last player drafted in the lottery with absolutely no background success in the professional game before he was drafted, that went on to be actually be at least decent in the NBA? It wasn't Sene. It wasn't Korolev. And it wasn't the guy whose entry is two below this one, either. It's been a while.

- Rashaad Singleton: Singleton is unsigned. The ABA looks inevitable.

- Nikoloz Tskitishvili: Skita played well in summer league, blocking shots and shooting the good three pointer that he now lives by. With the recent proliferation of draft bust articles, it's hard to find any good Skita news. But as far as I know, he's unsigned.




Oklahoma City Thunder

My initial summary


- DeAngelo Alexander: Unsigned. Uninteresting.

- Marcus Dove: Likewise.

- Tony Durant: Durant also doesn't appear to be signed anywhere, but his Twitter makes it sound like he's having great fun anyway hanging around his brother's mates and meeting honeyz. Which is fair enough.

- Moses Ehambe: Ehambe is also unsigned and looks like a decent candidate to return to the D-League.

- James Harden: Will I stop saying "giggidy" after every mention of this man's name? Hopefully.

- DeVon Hardin: Will I stop saying "giggidy" after every mention of this man's name? Probably not. Hardin had a decent summer league, outplaying the guy he was backing up (B.J. Mullens), but he's unsigned as of right now.

- Kyle Hines: Hines is to spend a second season with Prima Veroli in Italy's LegaDue.

- Serge Ibaka: Ibaka signed with the Thunder, to a contract absolutely identical to that of Mullens. Such is the way of the rookie salary scale.

- Shaun Livingston: After waiving Earl Watson and trading Chucky Atkins, Livingston is now set to be OKC's primary backup point guard. Considering this man was being salary dumped 7 months ago, and couldn't play basketball two years ago, this is a hell of a result. Unless Kevin Ollie steals it from it.

- Keith McLeod: McLeod is unsigned. If he's looking for another NBA training camp invite, he's an optimist.

- B.J. Mullens: As if determined to make me stop saying "giggidy," B.J. wants to be known as Byron from now on. I refuse to co-operate.

- Richard Roby: In two summer leagues with the Thunder, Roby played all of 12 minutes. Thanks for all the travelling, Rick. He remains unsigned.

- Doug Thomas: Thomas played all of 1 minute more than Roby. Again, thanks for your patience. He too is unsigned, and if you want to know if he'll return to the mighty Sweden, then this is the website that will bring you that news. Eventually.

- Robert Vaden: Despite having "drafted in the NBA" on his resumé, the best Vaden could manage was a spot in Italy's LegaDue with Aget Imola.

- Kyle Weaver: Weaver turned it over quite a ridiculous amount in summer league, but played fairly well otherwise. By the way, is it just me, or does he look like Eddie Robinson?

- Russell Westbrook: Westbrook had a very good Orlando summer pro league. He continues to impress, sort of.

- D.J. White: Same goes for White, who might not welcome Ibaka's presence, but who has played well at every level so far. The difference in strength between the 2009 and 2008 drafts is pretty bloody spectacular, when you think about it.




Orlando Magic

My initial summary


- Maurice Ager: After three really bad years, Ager is out of the NBA, and has signed with Cajasol Sevilla in Spain.

- Lance Allred: Allred has signed in Italy's SerieA with NSB Original Marines Napoli, a team that was last year known as Solsonica Rieti and which weren't in Napoli. That list will happen, I promise thee. We'll add it to the site's to-do list, which currently features 55 things. (True story.)

- Ryan Anderson: A good addition. A good summer for Orlando, all told.

- Brian Chase: Chase has signed with C.B. Valladolid in Spain's ACB.

- Ronald Dupree: Dupree never played with the Magic after all. See Nuggets entry.

- Courtney Fells: Unsigned.

- Levance Fields: Fields is signed in Russia with Spartak St Petersburg.

- C.J. Giles: See Nuggets entry.

- Richard Hendrix: See Nuggets entry. By the way, Orlando and Denver played in different summer leagues, which explains all this duplication between the two rosters.

- Stevan Milosevic: Milsoevic turned it over 7 times in 16 minutes of summer league action, which is not bad going. As far as I can tell, he is unsigned.

- Jeremy Pargo: See Pistons entry.

- Kasib Powell: Powell is playing with Tyrell Biggs and A.J. Abrams with Trikalla in Greece. He says he's pretty much given up hope of making the NBA. But he's good enough to be in it, whether the league knows this or not.

- Milovan Rakovic: I'm not certain if Rakovic will return to Spartak St Petersburg to partner Fields, but it looks like he will.

- Jeremy Richardson: Richardson has signed with Aris Thessaloniki in Greece.

- Russell Robinson: Robinson is unsigned, and another year in the D-League makes sense, since he did actually develop there. And that's what it's for, after all.

- Darian Townes: See Jason Ellis, Nets/Sixers entry.




Phoenix Suns

My initial summary


- Kaspars Berzins: Berzins has signed with Fuenlabrada Madrid for next year.

- Josh Carter: Carter has signed with EWE Baskets Oldenburg in Germany.

- Earl Clark: Should he have gone ahead of former Louisville team mate Terrence Williams in the draft? Short answer: yep. Especially since the Nets spent all of last summer acquiring mediocre forwards. Don't see why they needed another one this year.

- Geary Claxton: Claxton is unsigned and looking for all the world like a D-League veteran in the making.

- Lee Cummard: Cummard is signed with ALBA Berlin in Germany.

- Zabian Dowdell: Dowdell impressed in summer league, and is looking for an NBA offer. If he doesn't get one, he has a standing offer from Italy, but it's in LegaDue. And Dowdell is above that.

- Micah Downs: Downs is the other American signed with KK Zadar in Croatia, alongside Trent Plaisted.

- Goran Dragic: Dragic's last two months of his rookie season weren't bad. His first 4 were awful, but there's always going to be an adjustment period. His summer league performance was pretty good, too, so maybe we can pretend his bad start didn't happen. But now would not be the time for a sophomore slump.

- Taylor Griffin: Griffin has signed with the Suns; a two year minimum contract with $250,000 guaranteed in the first year, and a completely unguaranteed second year that becomes $200,000 guaranteed if he makes the 2010/11 opening day roster. It looks like he really is going to play in the NBA after all.

- Jiri Hubalek: Hubalek is signed with Banco di Sardegna Sassari in Itaky's LegaDue.

- Takuya Kawamura: Kawamura went back to Japan and Tochigi Brex. He had his four minutes of NBA PT, what more does he want?

- Robin Lopez: I still believe.

- Carlos Powell: Powell has an offer from Carmatic, the LegaDue team also after Dowdell. He remains unsigned.

- Chris Rodgers: Rodgers was released early by the Suns and has not signed anywhere since.

- Alando Tucker: Am I the only person that gets Alando Tucker and Arron Afflalo mixed up? I hope not. I feel stupid enough already.




Portland Trail Blazers

My initial summary


- Deji Akindele: Akindele is signed with Xacobeo BluSens Obradoiro in Spain's ACB.

- Jerryd Bayless: Welcome to the deepest part of the bench, Jerryd Bayless. Don't worry, the whole league still rates you as some kind of future superstar, so you'll be fine in the long run. By the way, Bayless turned it over more than 6 times a game in summer league.

- Dante Cunningham: Signed to a two year fully guaranteed minimum salary deal. You heard it here first. Well, OK, you heard it here second, because you heard it here first. But I had a hand in that too. I'm a mover and shaker, don't you know. Got my hand in everything. Giggidy.

- Uche Echefu: Unsigned.

- Matt Freije: Freije, a newly Christened Lebanese national, just signed in his homeland with Al Riyadi.

- Thomas Gardner: Unsigned, and it doesn't look like the Hawks want him back.

- Pooh Jeter: Jeter is unsigned, as evidenced by his Twitter, where he also proves that he can't spell for shit. His sister Carmelita won a bronze at the 2009 World Atheltics Championships last month, and she also has the finest name in the world. Carmelita Jeter. Good stuff.

- Bobby Jones: Jones is signed with Banca Tercas Teramo in Italy.

- Joe Krabbenhoft: Krabbenhoft is unsigned. His Twitter suggests a lot of holidaying and some succinct world views.

- Patrick Mills: Mills is unsigned. He probably wouldn't have been, but he broke his foot early in the summer. He may still sign.

- Dwayne Mitchell: Mitchell is signed with Hapoel Holon in Israel.

- David Moss: Moss is signed with La Fortezza Bologna in Italy.

- Drew Neitzel: Neitzel is signed with ES Chalon-Sur-Saone in France.

- David Padgett: Padgett is signed with U.B. La Palma in Spain's LEB Gold (second division).

- Jeff Pendergraph: Pendergraph has not yet signed with the Blazers, but he will do soon.




Sacramento Kings

My initial summary


- Robert Battle: Battle's surprise NBA sojourn is over with. Last year he was one of the best big men in the LEB Gold with Valladolid, helping them win promotion tot he ACB; he's gone back there for this season to consolidate his success.

- Jon Brockman: Brockman has not yet signed with the Kings, which, considering how high they picked him and how much rebounding help they need, seems a little strange. He figures to sign later.

- John Bryant: Unsigned. An 80 year old man of the same name recently went missing, which makes John Bryant news hard to find.

- Pat Calathes: Calathes is to spend a second season with Costa Cafe Marousi in Greece.

- Omri Casspi: Signed with the Kings; as soon as he sets foot on the floor in a regular season game, he'll be the first Israeli to play in the NBA. Although don't you go thinking that Yotam Halperin and Lior Eliyahu couldn't do it.

- Tyreke Evans: It has already been announced that Evans will start at point guard for the Kings. Thank Christ for that.

- Donte Greene: Greene was less selfish in this year's summer league than last year's, which is like saying that Pol Pot felt slightly less genocidal than usual at Christmas. Greene also shot less than 30%, so maybe some more passing was in order.

- Spencer Hawes: In case you missed it, Hawes didn't turn up to summer league, and didn't tell the Kings that he was doing this. Bad times. Stupid times, really.

- Marcus Landry: Unsigned, but had a good summer league. Training camp contract? Maybe.

- Wesley Matthews: Same as Landry, although he didn't do quite as well.

- Jerel McNeal: Also unsigned. Played fairly well in summer league, too, but didn't have as much opportunity.

- Brian Roberts: Roberts is signed with Brose Baskets Bamberg in Germany.

- Victor Stowes: Stowes signed in Venezuela with Espartanos de Margarita, a team that just took a seven year hiatus for reasons I don't know.

- Jason Thompson: Thompson didn't play in summer league, either. Did he need to?

- Ryan Toolson: Toolson is signed with Pinar Karsiyaka SK Izmir in Turkey.




San Antonio

My initial summary


- Antonio Anderson: Anderson is unsigned. D-League, presumably.

- Romel Beck: Beck is unsigned, and only yesterday was kicked off of the Mexican national team for being too selfish. He was leading them in scoring at the time, so he must have been REALLY selfish.

- DeJuan Blair: Signed a four year contract, the first two years fully guaranteed, the final two years fully unguaranteed with guarantee dates to come. Use the salaries pages.

- Eric Dawson: Dawson is signed with the Mitsubishi Diamond Dolphins in Japan.

- Nando De Colo: Coco De Colo is signed with Valencia in the ACB.

- Alonzo Gee: Unsigned. That reminds me, I've still got to watch Alabama versus Auburn from like 6 months ago.

- James Gist: Unsigned.

- Malik Hairston: Going to camp with the Spurs. Contract is $50,000 guaranteed.

- George Hill: Will back up Tony Parker once again, and will do it bloody well.

- Carldell 'Squeaky' Johnson: Unsigned, presumed D-League returnee.

- Stephane Lasme: Lasme is signed with Maccabi Tel-Aviv in Israel.

- Ian Mahinmi: Now is the time to show something. I appreciate that injuries killed his year last year, but Mahinmi still hasn't done a damn thing yet, and the Spurs don't have money to waste.

- Jack McClinton: McClinton shot like crap in summer league, but might go to camp anyway. But if he does, it's unlikely he makes the team.

- Donell Taylor: Unsigned.

- Marcus Vinicius: Vinicius is signed with Sigma Coatings Montegranaro in Italy's SerieA.




Toronto Raptors

My initial summary


- Paul Davis: The sexually immature Davis is unsigned, and hasn't got the full MLE contract that he predicted.

- DeMar Derozan: He'll be somewhere in the Raptors rotation at some point, but Bryan Colangelo needs to remember that you can have indeed too much depth. So don't bring in any more two's now, Bryan.

- David Doblas: Doblas is committed to a third year at Lagun Aro, the ACB team that used to be a LEB Gold team named Bruesa-Guipuzcoa. Confusing, really.

- Quincy Douby: Douby is still with the Raptors, despite everyone around him being culled. He's currently the 15th man on a 15 man roster, but that's also all he needs.

- Carl English: English is signed with Caja Laboral Vitoria in the ACB.

- Ekene Ibekwe: Ekenechukwu is signed with Kepez Bld Antalya in Turkey.

- Nathan Jawai: See Dallas entry.

- Demetris Nichols: Having been both a member of the Bulls and Knicks last year, and having been a member of Raptors summer league, and having had a workout with the Pacers earlier this summer, it's fair to say that Nichols is on the cusp of the NBA. As a result, he'll probably go back to the D-League. He may even get a camp invite.

- Patrick O'Bryant: O'Bryant's now-guaranteed contract seems to ensure that he'll be a Raptor next year, if only an inactive list Raptor.

- Smush Parker: Parker is unsigned.

- Brent Petway: Petway is signed with Ilysiakos Athens in Greece.

- Shawn Taggart: Taggart is unsigned, and if anyone knows the meaning behind the "murder" joke that I'm temmpted to make here, then you're a bad bad man. Should have stayed in school, really.

- Roko Ukic: Ukic is now a Buck, just one of their many pointless acquisitions this summer. You can probably tell that I'm less than enthralled by their summer.




Utah Jazz

My initial summary


- James Augustine: See Chicago entry.

- Jimmy Baron: Baron shot the ball well for Jazz, although in fairness all he did was shoot the ball. He did enough to win a spot with Mersin in Turkey, which is why he didn't need to play any more summer league (see below).

- Cedric Bozeman: The Boze Man is unsigned and looks like a logical candidate to return to the D-League, what with all the progress he made there last year.

- Derrick Brown: Brown has signed with Charlotte to a two year minimum salary contract. First year is fully guaranteed, second year is $100,000 with multiple guarantee dates.

- Josh Duncan: Duncan's summer league exploits (57 points on 29 shots) landed him a spot with Liege Basket in Belgium.

- Andre Ingram: Ingram is unsigned. A third straight season with the Flash (AAA-AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!) looks to be in order.

- Kosta Koufos: Koufos played useful minutes on a contending team. The Jazz have great big man depth, and he's partly why.

- Kevin Kruger: Kruger is signed with Original Marines Napoli in Italy.

- Kevin Lyde: Lyde is signed with Eisbaeren Bremerhaven in Germany, thus sparing Jazz fans the inevitability of him coming to training camp again.

- Wesley Matthews: See Kings entry.

- Eric Maynor: Question for Jazz fans: does Maynor play ahead of Ronnie Price next year, or behind him? And if it's behind, why?

- Goran Suton: Suton has not yet signed, be it with the Jazz or with anyone. If he signs with the Jazz, he'll be very lucky to make the team, so he's best served using his Bosnian passport to land a nice European gig somewhere. I've heard that Italy is nice.

- Dar Tucker: Unsigned. Dar Tucker fact: Dar Tucker's name "Dar" is short for "Darquavis", which is one of the most unique names you'll ever hear.

- Larry Turner: The people's champion is signed in Spain with Fundacion Adepal Alcazar. But they're not in the ACB. Nor are they inthe LEB Gold. They're in the LEB Silver, the third tier of Spanish basketball. Larry Turner, everybody. A big hand please.

- Gary Wilkinson: Wilkinson was taken in the KBL draft and will play for Dongbu Promy next year.




Washington Wizards

My initial summary


- Alade Aminu: Unsigned.

- Dwayne Anderson: Unsigned.

- Ryan Ayers: Unsigned. Good start to the list, this.

- Jimmy Baron: Baron didn't play for the Wizards; see above.

- Andray Blatche: Blatche put the three pointer to bed in this summer league. Maybe he's figuring it out. He's also changed his number to #7 for no obvious reason.

- Javaris Crittenton: With Gilbert Arenas returning, Randy Foye and Mike Miller arriving, DeShawn Stevenson and Nick Young returning, and Mike James hanging around whether the Wizards like it or not, where the hell is Crittenton going to play next year? Considering they just gave up a first round draft pick to get him (admittedly only returning a heavily protected one), they're surely going to have to find somewhere.

- John Edwards: Edwards has signed abroad for only the second time in his professional career, going to join Kolossos Rhodes in the Greek league. He's now 28, and exactly the same player as he was when he was 22, so maybe he's conceded the NBA dream and is now looking for paychecks.

- Josh Heytvelt: Heytvelt played in every Wizards summer league game, even starting 1, but he didn't do a lot. He has since signed in Turkey with Oyak Renault Bursa, alongside Wink Adams and a guy called Ufuk Kacar. Good names all.

- James Lang: Unsigned.

- Javale McGee: JaVale McGee doesn't like me very much.

- Dominic McGuire: D-Mac remains on the Wizards roster. His contract is fully unguaranteed and has no guarantee date, so it costs the Wizards nothing to keep him around until training camp. But to stay beyond that, he'll have to show something. The 5.5 points and 3.5 turnovers per game on 20% shooting that he totalled in summer league isn't getting it done.

- Tywain McKee: McKee signed in what's left of the Australian league today with the Wollogong Hawks. It probably didn't help that he shot 9% in summer league.

- Tyrese Rice: Rice is signed with Greece with Panionios, where he'll pair up in the backcourt with B.J. Elder (giggidy). Considering that the two are pretty similar, it doesn't sound like a great idea.

- Jason Rich: Rich turned a blistering 21% shooting performance in summer league into a nice little contract with Maccabi Haifa in Israel. Maccabi Haifa have probably made more news this summer for their signing of Jeremy Tyler, but it's still a good placement for Rich.

- Alex Ruoff: Ruoff didn't play with the Wizards in summer league. He didn't need to, because he signed with Belgacom Liege quite a while ago.

- Diamon Simpson: The highly likeable Simpson never actually made the Wizards summer league team; he, along with Anderson, Ayers and Lang were the cuts made from a mini camp the Wizards held before summer league play started. Simpson remains unsigned.

- Kyle Spain: Spain is not signed in Spain, annoyingly, but is instead signed with the Passe-Partout Leuven Bears in Belgium. Hell of a name, that.

- Brandon Wallace: Wallace is unsigned, but he's not going back to Poland.

- Nick Young: If Washington starts Foye at shooting guard, like they should do and like they've threatened to, then how do Stevenson and Young divvy up the backup minutes? Will Young beat out Stevenson? He should do, considering Stevenson has the offensive ability of Mother Teresa on a particularly charitable day. But I'm not yet convinced that he will.

The Assassination Of Devean George By The Coward Donnie Nelson

February 13th, 2008. Wednesday. Raining.

The Dallas Mavericks are tootling along with a 34-17 record. They're pretty good, and perhaps they know it, because they're suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to do something stupid.

A veteran team with only one good young player decides on a plan to get older and worse. The Mavericks decide that Jason Kidd is a significant upgrade over Devin Harris, and work out a variety of scenarios that see them trade Devin and two future first round draft picks for Kidd. They're wrong, but they work hard at it anyway, determined to obtain a player that puts them further away from the hump that they're already sliding away from. Two years ago, it would have been a steal. But not now.

Eventually, they stumble upon a scenario that both they and the Nets can agree upon. Dallas agrees to trade Harris, the picks, cash, DeSagana Diop, Maurice Ager, Jerry Stackhouse and Devean George to the Nets in exchange for Kidd and Malik Allen. The fillers are largely meaningless; outside of Harris, only Diop is a significant player for the Mavericks, and even then he sucks more ass than most people care to acknowledge. The core of the deal is Harris for Kidd, and both teams seem pretty happy with that. The fundamental pieces are together, peripherals of the long-awaited deal are finally in place, and everyone's a winner. (Except Dallas.)

Things then get a bit weird. Through a hitherto little-known technicality, one of the least important components of the deal - backup forward George - has the power to veto the trade. George re-signed with the Mavericks in the previous offseason to a one year contract, and Dallas will have early Bird rights on him when his contract expires. However, if George gets traded, the recipient team will lose his Bird rights if they trade for him, which reduces George's chances of getting handily paid next season. [Let's pretend for a minute that such chances existed.] I don't really understand the purpose of the rule, but it exists, and it applies to Devean. As a result, players on one year contracts who will have early or full Bird rights at the season's end are given the right to veto any trades that they may be in, so that they aren't powerless to prevent having their Bird rights taken away from them. And that's the power George wields.

The rule wasn't really written for situations like this. I'm not really sure who it does apply to, really, but it definitely wasn't for this reason. Yet it applies anyway, and therefore, to a chorus of anger and giggles, George exercises his right to veto the trade and emphatically pisses on Mark Cuban's strawberries for at least 72 hours.

Vetoing the trade doesn't endear George to the Mavericks fans. They boo him lustily, already aggrieved by his crapness and his club's weird affection for him. It also doesn't help that he plays 33 minutes later that same night, and scores 0 points on 11 shots. But technically and morally, he did no wrong. He did what he had to do, and looked for himself. He merely made some people look bad while doing it.

(It also doesn't really hold up the Mavericks, who rework the trade later in the week anyway, substituting Stackhouse and George for Keith Van Horn and Trenton Hassell. With Antoine Wright also coming back in the reworked version, it's a better deal anyway. But I digress.)

---

Fast forward to this month.

George saw out the season with the Mavericks, sucked horribly, yet re-signed with the team for two more guaranteed years anyway. The inexplicable love that Donnie Nelson and Devean George feel for each other can never be topped, or properly understood. But it's about to change when Nelson tries to trade George again. And this time, he succeeds.

Two weeks ago, George was traded to the Raptors as a peripheral part of the Shawn Marion deal. Along with Antoine Wright, he went to Toronto as the afterthought backups to the also-acquired Hidayet Turkoglu, a move which showed the Raptors putting on a fine demonstration of creative financing, if not a good idea of how to build a team. (And if you don't think there's not an I-TOLD-YOU-SO post coming on that subject, then you're very much mistaken.) However, as far as Devean George was concerned, there was another caveat.

Now, it's possible that they are not vengeance-driven horrible bastards. It's possible that they just did this without considering the possible side effects down the road. But here's the thing; when re-signing George this past summer to a two year $3.2 million contract that paid $1.6 million in both seasons, Nelson and Cuban added a somewhat rare clause to the contract that called for George to get a $200,000 bonus if the Mavericks win a certain number of games this season. I don't know what the threshold was, but I'm guessing it was 50 wins, since that's what they won last season (such predictions are calculated during the moratorium using the team's record from the previous season as the basis). Since the Mavericks can be realistically expected to achieve that next year, George had himself a $200,000 bonus.

But then he was traded to the Raptors. They didn't win 50 games last year, and thus the CBA cannot consider them likely to do it this year either. As a result, George loses $200,000. And though he's subsequently been traded to the Golden State Warriors in a shameful deal for Marco Belinelli, the same applies; George has lost his bonus.

Revenge.

Of course, the fact that the Mavericks had given George a combined $5,943,370 to play with them over the last three seasons means the last laugh is still firmly on them. Their inability to realise that they were paying to retain a man with scoring the scoring efficiency of Willie Green, the rebounding of Jason Collins and the oft-misrepresented defense of Andres Nocioni means that they're the real victims here, the victims of their own silliness. But, still. Vengeance is sweet.



(EDIT: It's been brought to my attention that they above is too confusing. Fair enough. Here's the gist of it, reworded; based on last year's win total, the Mavericks were expected to win 50 games. As a result, George's cap number was raised to $1.8 million. Now that he's a Warriors, it's been knocked down to $1.6 million again. But George was only going to be paid $1.6 million UNTIL the 50 wins happened, at which point he'd get the bonus. The basic point remains, though; by not now being a Mav, George loses $200,000. That is all.)

Summer league round-up: Toronto Raptors

View the Raptors summer league roster.

- Paul Davis: Davis was waived by the Clippers to save some money, after being brought back for no obvious reason whatsoever. Strangely, he didn't sign anywhere after that, but he did appear on Millionaire Matchmaker, where it was determined that he showed an "immature" attitude towards sex. But he did win the heart of one spectacularly energetic pseudo blonde:



These. These are the things we must know.

- DeMar Derozan: The Raptors wings last season had all the athleticism of a grilled perch, so at least they addressed that. But I can't say I'm overwhelmed with the pick. No word on what Derozan's attitudes towards sex are, or what he deems to be an "upscale" bowling alley. Yet I'm sure the feisty blondes are digging that already.

- David Doblas: Doblas (listed as Doblas in the Raptors official summer league release, which was confusing) is a soon-to-be 28 year old Spaniard with the usual Spanish problems with hair. (This is one thing I noticed when I holidayed there earlier this year; everyone has black hair, and they all bald at 30. Without exceptions. And their women are overrated. Good luck, David.) Last year for Bruesa-Guipuzcoa BC - the ACB team that you've totally never heard of - Doblas averaged 9.2 points and 4.4 rebounds. Why is he here? I....I.......I don't know.

- Quincy Douby: Speaking of things I don't know, I don't know Quincy Douby's amount of guaranteed salary, so stop asking. (Although I'm fairly sure it's $0, that's only an educated guess.) There's basically no reason for him to make the team, or even for him to be in the NBA; Douby may well be a versatile scorer with the ball in his hands, but he's very undersized, does not rebound or create for others, is not efficient, and is not a good enough shooter to be much use as a catch-and-shoot specialist. Just go to Europe and start starring, Quincy. It'll be easy.

- Carl English: Despite the name, English is Canadian, which is why Raptors fans have had a long standing thing for him. But even though he finally got a chance to play on the Raptors team, he inevitably didn't, as he signed a lucrative contract with Tau Ceramica before summer league began. The opportunity to be a key contributor on a big team, and to embrace the unenviable task of replacing Igor Rakocevic, seemed more inviting to English than the prospect of trying to beat out Quincy Douby for a spot on the inactive list. And I can't say I blame him. (This is the reason why I think you should move to Europe, Quincy.)

- Ekene Ibekwe: Ibekwe (whose full name is Ekenechukwu Brian Ibekwe, which is pretty brilliant) is a former Maryland shotblocker who developed some offense from last season out of roughly nowhere. Last year in Turkey, Ibekwe averaged 18.6 points, 8.23 rebounds, 1.8 blocks and 1.8 steals per game, shooting 61% from two point range, 38% from three point range, and 57% from the foul line. He was never more than an 11ppg scorer in college, so the breakout was quite unexpected. It's certainly made him more interesting.

- Nathan Jawai: Jawai didn't play for the Raptors in summer league, for the simple and obvious reason that they traded his ass to Dallas in the Shawn Marion deal. He might not make the team, though, because Dallas now has 16 under contract, with exceptions they still want to spend. Dallas still needs a centre, and there's no denying that Jawai is one, but Ryan Hollins is better. If Dallas is able to make something out of the Shawne Williams/Greg Buckner/whatever else package, then maybe Jawai has a chance. But if not, maybe Colangelo can get his boy back.

- Demetris Nichols: Nichols was a member of the Bulls for over a year and $750,000, and in that time he did precisely zip. After that, he went to the D-League, and averaged 21 points per game for the Idaho Stampede, before getting a call-up to the team that so raved about him for a bit, the Knicks. Nothing happened, and after a workout for the Indiana Pacers, this is where he's ended up. The Raptors probably don't have a roster spot for him, unless they do the right thing and put Devean George to sleep.

- Patrick O'Bryant: The Raptors just agreed to bring back Rasho Nesterovic, and that's a bloody good thing. Had they not, Patrick O'Bryant would have been next year's backup centre. And that's not helping anybody. Three years in now, and O'Bryant still hasn't gotten anywhere. He still fouls at an alarming rate, is increasingly sure of his own jumpshot (which, admittedly, is getting better), is no stronger than before and is still mistake ridden. He could use a dose of Smush Parker's swag, more than anything.

- Smush Parker: Question: Does Smush Parker still largely chug ball? Answer: yep. Parker split last year between the D-League and China, and it's the same old story. Plenty of athleticism and a decent scorer, but no defense, no lead guard abilities, criminal recklessness and too much swagger. Here's a fun fact, though; Smush Parker and Tony Parker both really have the first name "William." Good trivia. Write it down.

- Brent Petway: Brent Petway dunks, raps, plays defense and Tweets. Be sure to holla at ya boi.

- Shawn Taggart: Taggart was brought in late as Jawai's replacement. He decided to forego his senior season this year due to the vague possibility of him getting drafted. He may have had a case, since Robert Dozier got drafted (albeit with the last pick), and it's not like there's much between them. But it didn't happen, and so now Taggart is on the outside, looking in, where he'll probably always be. If things go badly, he'll always have his long running detective series to fall back on.

- Roko Ukic: In the interest of speeding these things up a bit, yet also due to the powerful validity of the statement, I would like to sum up the life and times of Roko Ukic with the following quickfire repartee: Roko Ukic sucks. That is all.

Liquorice Allsorts

1) As you may know, Houston traded Steve Francis, a 2009 second round draft pick and cash to Memphis for a conditional 2011 second round pick. Memphis's end of this is simple. They got their pick back for free. Houston gave them Francis, enough money to pay him for the rest of the year (or most of it, at least), and Memphis's own 2nd rounder next year, which they'd previously given to Houston while moving up in the draft this summer. In return, Memphis only gave them a conditional second in 2011, which will be like top 55 protected or something, so they won't even lose it anyway. They can now either waive Francis without fear of reprisal, get a free look at him as a player (bloody unlikely), or keep him as an expiring. But more importantly, they're getting their high second rounder back. for no cost. It's a good move. As for Houston, they give up a second that they don't need in order to get under the luxury tax. It's a good move for them, too.

But here's the real important thing: I TOTALLY called it. In this post, just underneath the picture of the fat lady with no bum crack, I wrote this:

(After Antonio McDyess's buyout, Denver is now no more than a small dollop over their eternal enemy, the luxury tax threshold. If they waft a pick Memphis's way, they should be able to dump Chucky Atkins, whose salary for next year is only $760,000 guaranteed, thus not affecting Memphis's 2009 cap space plan much. This move gets Denver under the tax, finally, and it need only cost them the pick that they got from Charlotte for Alexis Ajinca to do it. Also note that I'm just an ideas man, not a soothsayer. Houston would be sensible to do much the same with Steve Francis, who is entirely surplus to requirements in both Memphis and Houston, and whose salary is keeping the Rockets in the tax territory. But his expiring is tolerable for the Grizzlies with apt sweeteners. With those two deals, Memphis could gain two picks without changing their long or short term plans, while Houston and Denver save lots of money on players and picks that they don't need. To me, this makes sense. Does that mean it will happen? No. But, between now and February, I'd place a call. Boy, this bracket got a bit long.)

Get some. I wonder if the Grizzlies general manager reads what I write.


2) Oklahoma City signed Nenad Krstic - technically still a Nets free agent - to an offer sheet, one which the Nets will apparently not match. This offers up a variety of questions (such as, quite how scary is this supposed European exodus going to be. when even the European deserters come back within 6 months?), but most of all, look at their prospective depth chart with Krstic on it.

PG - Russell Westbrook, Earl Watson
SG - Desmond Mason, Damien Wilkins, Kyle Weaver
SF - Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, Desmond Mason
PF - Jeff Green, Joe Smith, D.J. White
C - Nenad Krstic, Nick Collison, Chris Wilcox, Robert Swift, Johan Petro, Mouhamed Sene, Steven Hill.

Now obviously, things will work out to be slightly different to this. For example, it makes sense for Green to now take on a sixth man role, and for some combination of Krstic, Collison and Wilcox to fill the starting power forward and centre spots. Steven Hill is also the logical man to be cut once Krstic arrives. But even so, the signing of Krstic makes the Thunder's depth chart even wonkier. Why the hell do you want six centres? Why would you draft D.J. White with so many players in front of him? Why would you then sign Hill and Krstic as well? Why would you also draft Serge Ibaka and DeVon Hardin with your other picks? Why can you only play for the Thunder if you can scratch your ankles while standing up? Why would a team with literally every hole to fill concentrate solely on the same? I realise the value of good big men, but Sam Presti, hit us up with some deadline deals, because your roster is pretty friggin' ramshackle at the moment. And also, don't sign Ben Gordon this summer, whatever you do. As far as you need to know, he's a no-defense chucker with a humility problem. Let's ignore the truth for a minute and run with that. You don't want him. Sign more centres. Spend your money elsewhere. There's a good lad.


3) The following video of Devin Harris is about as comfortable as the early morning shit after a night on the Guinness.



They're right, though. Devin Harris should be in the All Star game. And Allen Iverson should not. You know when Allen Iverson made that quotation fingers "magnanamous" gesture, when he first suggested standing aside to let Michael Jordan start in the All Star game, even when Iverson was the better player? (Which, by the way, was possibly the worst thing I've ever seen in my time following the NBA. Someone owes Vince Carter a big friggin' apology.) Well, now is the time for another such gesture. It's not meant as disrespect, Allen, but these other players are better than you now. You won't lose fans if you did so, and even if you did, you clearly have way too many anyway. Let's make this happen.

Similarly, if Yi Jianlian gets in, let's boycott the damn thing.


4) Really don't see the point in New York overpaying for Carlos Delfino, but, whatever. It can't hurt.


5) Short baseball tangent: people out there are trying way too hard to put a negative slant on the fact that the Yankees just signed both the best hitter and the best pitcher on the market. You don't have to like the any, but at least acknowledge that this is what they did. Like every team in the world, they needed an ace and a excellent slugger. Unlike every team in the world, though, they were able to get them.


6) No, I don't trust the source either, but if Sacramento trades John Salmons to Toronto for Andrea Bargnani and a first round pick, that is all kinds of good news for the Kings. John Salmons's value physically cannot get any higher right now, unless he were to start averaging 30 points. He's playing extremely well, tied in on a remarkably cheap contract, and in the prime of his career. This also isn't a fluke - he put on much the same performance to start last year, when injuries again cleared the way for him. If John Salmons is not traded by Sacramento before the deadline, that's a big old misstep they've made there. Particularly after committing so much money to the wing pairing of Kevin Martin and Francisco Garcia.


7) I realise that things haven't gone quite right since he did it, but why is Stephen Jackson thinking about a trade only five weeks after signing an extension? And, from the same article, quite why the hell hasn't Chris Mullin quit? He has nothing to gain from pissing in the wind, and he'll get another gig with another team soon enough.


8) In keeping with this website's policy of never bringing you any news that is worth knowing, here's a scandalous and pathetic story about Raptors anticlimax Jermaine O'Neal touching the arse of a woman whose life and career revolves around her ability to fellate famous people. Superhead, meet Superforehead.


9) The previous joke was stolen from a superior person.


10) Merry Christmas to you and yours. My life is in a good place right now, and I hope that yours is too. If it isn't, it will be.

Why aren't NBA players loyal?

(Editor's note - season preview series will continue soon. I just can't be arsed with it right now. And besides, I'll only go and write something very long about one team just to find that they make a major trade immediately afterwards. It's inevitable. Sod's law, they call it.)



Why aren't NBA players loyal to their teams, such as how the fans are, and such as how the fans think that they should be?

Ask Fred Jones.

Jonesy signed with Toronto for 3 years and $9.9 million in July 2006, as a part of the Raptors' cap room spendage that season. The third year of the contract was a player option year, for $3.5 million.

Upon being traded in February of this year to Portland in exchange for Juan Dixon, Jones agreed to forego his player option year as a part of the trade, a decision that, once made, cannot be recanted. Jones explained his acceptance to do this as such:

"From seeing the team, knowing some of the players and knowing the direction they're headed, I was more than happy to be a part of it".

Bless him. How sweet. Such gallantry and chivallry will serve him well in future life.

Apparently, though, they aren't good traits in this here NBA game. For it was barely four months later that Portland traded him once again, this time to New York as a part of the multi player Zach Randolph deal. Still currently in New York, Jones is faced with the very real possibility of being waived by the Knicks, due to their present roster spots crunch and their desire to keep both Jared Jordan and Demetris Nichols. Jones was only included in the deal for his expiring contract, as was Dan Dickau - Dickau has already been waived, which doesn't bode well for Jones. And if Jones does wind up getting waived, training camps have begun and most teams have full rosters. Barring a stroke of luck, the earliest return Fred would be looking at would be in early 2008.

The irony is that Jones' contract would not have even been expiring, had he not declined the player option 16 months before he needed to make a decision.

So Fred's loyal move towards the Blazers, giving up a year of multi million salary and a year of almost-certain employment just to be able to join them, has now left him perilously close to a situation in which he could be out of the league altogether, only 16 months after signing a three year deal.

Wouldn't happen in the real world, let me tell you.

And that's why the players are loyal to themselves first and truly foremost. Fred turned down $3.5 million in an act of charity, yet now, if worst comes to the worst, he won't even earn $100,000 in the D-League next season, should he get stuck there.

Poor bastard, in both senses of the word "poor".