Shannon Brown being beaten up by a man in white socks
Today, the L.A. Lakers announced that they have agreed to terms with unrestricted free agent guard Shannon Brown, who will re-sign once the moratorium is over. Lakers fans can now pretend that they have found their point guard of the future, ignoring for a minute his entirely underwhelming jumpshot, wild flails to the rim or inability to bring the ball up court. For those people, this is good news.
You may have already known that, though, since no one comes to this website for breaking news. But what you may not have known is something that I only just rediscovered.
Back in his Cleveland days, Brown got into a bit of a rum-do at a nightclub. (Or a Tête à Tête, if you'd rather. Or a kerfuffle. Or a shindig. Or a broo-haha. Or a shaboodle. Or some other juvenile word for "incident.") Brown was inside a club called Liquid when he was kicked out for wearing his baseball cap, a brazen and hellacious violation of the club's dress code, even though he was initially allowed to wear it in. Somehow, that escalated into him being subdued outside by the club's bouncers, kneed in the goods and hit in the face. And that's where the camera picks up the action.
Brown was not arrested. The bouncers threatened him with a taser - insert "don't tase me bro" joke - and Brown sued the club almost a year later. I don't know if he won. This whole story is old news, but I forgot about it, and you might have done too. Besides, some people may have missed it before. And they need to know, I think.
If an NBA player manages to get into some kind of trouble that gets Youtubed for the sake of comedy, then we're there to talk about. See also: Rafer Alston and Keith Closs.
ShamSports.com: Hypocritically perusing the problems of others.
Congratulations to you, Zach Randolph. With this latest arrest, you have moved out of a tie with Cliff Robinson and Rod Strickland for second place, and into a tie with Latrell Sprewell for first place on the "most entries on this website's off-court issues list" list, with 7 seperate documented incidents.
Clippers forward Zach Randolph was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol on Monday morning by the California Highway Patrol.
Several hours later, the Clippers suspended Randolph, 27, for two games for what they called "conduct detrimental to the team." There are five games left in the Clippers' season.
Also, multiple people insinuated that the Kirk Snyder story that featured earlier on this blog might have been an invention of mine. With that in mind, I'd like to remind you that, outside of the occasional attempted Monty Python-style gag on the player profiles (which are hopefully obvious in their inanity), this site is for the representation of true facts only. And lots of them, hopefully. This is not The Onion or the Serious Sports Network. Maybe it should be. But it isn't.
Down one in the closing stages of a summer league game, new Wizards guard Dee Brown fouls Uruguay's finest, the insatiable Gustavo Barrera, sending him to the line. Barrera hits both foul shots, putting Houston up by 3.
Rockets forward Joey Dorsey - watching the game from the sidelines due to an ankle injury - briefly breaks away from his spontaneous "Who Can Wear The Worst Stripey Polo Shirt" competition with Rafer Alston, and decides to say something. The ref decides to T him up, demonstrating the elaborate technical foul calling technique that NBA scouts want to see from potenital refs. Dorsey sulks. Nick Young hits the technical free throw, and the Wizards have the ball, down two.
Andray Blatche, who has battled bravely against the desire to pass for a number of years now, throws up a tub of wank three pointer. It misses, but Brown tips it back in, and the game goes to overtime. The Wizards go on to win, and the Rockets don't. Joey Dorsey loses not only a game he wasn't in, but also the polo shirt competition, as he has no answer for Rafer's daring usage of deep red and sky blue on an otherwise predominantly white top.
(Also notice - Vladimir Veremeenko. Hooray! If these games are downloadable anywhere, then I need to know. Can't do streams, though.)
Here's what I know about Joey Dorsey - he's an idiot. Someone once told me that he's the next Ben Wallace, which re-affirms my belief on this. (And no, I'm not at all bitter about the spectacularly unsuccessful Ben Wallace signing and the collateraldamage that it caused. Nope. Not at all. Totally over it.) Admittedly I don't know much about Joey Dorsey - when he made headlines for "announcing" that his college team mate Derrick Rose was not going to be drafted number 1 by Chicago in a hilarious wind-up that everyone found hilarious, it took me two weeks to find out that Joey Dorsey was a player, and not an opportunist reporter. But still. I know he's a bit of an idiot. Wikipedia agrees.
During the 2007 NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Tournament, Dorsey famously called Ohio State center Greg Oden "overrated as a big man," said that Oden "might be as good as Joey Dorsey," and called himself Goliath and Oden the "the little man." Dorsey also predicted a 20 rebound game for himself. The Buckeyes defeated the Tigers by a score of 92-76 and Dorsey finished with zero points and just four rebounds. In fact, Dorsey was so overmatched during the game that he was not able to even attempt a field goal in the 19 minutes he was on the court. As terrible as he was on the offensive end, he was as bad or worse on the defensive end. Dorsey's defensive duty was to guard Oden. Oden shot 7 for 8 from the field for 17 points and also grabbed 9 rebounds.
And now this.
The evidenced is really piling up. Joey Dorsey = a mouthy git. A bit like Stephen Jackson.
Sham is a miserable and self-effacing little bastard, whose basketball opinions are often riddled with bias, insecurity, and rank immaturity. He has also never played the sport, and the only game he has ever been to see was a Ware Rebels game back in 2001. The night bus didn't show up and he had to walk the 9 miles home. It was after this that his passion for basketball really took off.
He considers himself to be Britain's foremost NBA expert, an arbitrary title that carries with it no basis in fact, or any worldly significance. He also wrote this section of the website in third person narrative, purely for reasons of arrogance.
Copyright ShamSports.com, 2005-2010. Every published word on this website
is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
the really stupid ones that I wish I'd never written.
