Summer signings, round 20

News! Soon. Possibly.

Before that, here's a thing about stuff.

(Do you think my heart's gone out of these lists?)


- P.J. Tucker is to sign with BC Donetsk in the Ukraine. And, speaking of P.J. Tucker, here's what Bonzi Wells is up to: nothing. It's strange. Bonzi may have carved himself out a reputation in this league as a bit of a moanarse, but he can play, and he's only 31. He averaged 9.1 points and 4.5 rebounds last year as a key reserve on two good teams. He didn't act up, either, and hasn't for a while. And yet someone won't sign him? Weird. Either he's stupidly pricing himself out of the market, or there even more stupidly isn't one.

- Aaron Miles is very close to signing with Panionios in Greece.

- The Boston Celtics signed both Darius Miles and Bill Walker. Can't say that I'm particularly overwhelmed by either signing, although everyone who tells me about Bill Walker tells me that Bill Walker was an absolute steal for the Celtics. (Note: roughly 80% of the people who talk to me about Bill Walker are Celtics fans.) As for Miles, signing him represents nought but a low risk, low return move. He was a 14 point scorer for a short time, but...come on now. By all accounts - particularly by the account of the guy who considered him to be medically retired - that knee has got bad news written all over it. How much can he contribute, exactly? I expect nothing and wouldn't mind being pleasantly surprised about that. (By the way, did you notice how I just left that previous Aaron Miles entry out there to hang, without so much as a single stupid comment or pun on his name? It was deliberate. I'm trying to grow up.)

- Conflicting reports surround the highly interesting whereabouts of former Bull, Dalibor Bagaric. Dalibor - who is great, by the way - is reportedly close to re-signing with Fortitudo Bologna, where he can form the slowest centre duet in history with the recently signed Earl Barron. However, the Croatian press report that Bagaric is close to signing with the Atlanta Hawks. Should that happen, I will be a happy bunny indeed. If Bagaric signs with the Hawks, expect this site to take a very pro-Hawks direction. And, if they waive him, we'll start a bloody riot.

(NB: Bagaric's profile on this website mentions how Dali had 3 flagrant fouls in only 5 summer league games back in 2002, but then provides inaccurate proof of such a claim. (Also, it was 6 games.) So here it the proof in question - unos, two, trois. That never gets old. Additionally, Dali's profile asks for Preston Shumpert updates, and now I'll answer my own query: Shumpert signed today for Efes Pilsen in Turkey. This site is a goldmine, I tell you.)

- Devin Brown re-signed with the Hornets, the team with whom he resurrected his career back in 2007. Despite my earlier criticisms of the composition of the Hornets bench, I will never besmirch any team that gives Devin Brown work, so this is a purely stupdenous move by them, even if it doesn't solve the problem that I (mis)identified in that earlier post. That problem could still be somewhat resolved by Salim Stoudamire, you know. And Salim still needs a job for next year. (Aww man. If the Hornets sign Stoudamire to go with Brown, that'd be great. And I'll feel partly responsible. Never say die, Salim. We'll get you some work yet.)

- Goran Dragic signed with the Suns on a four year contract, ending the lifelong bloody saga often referred to as "The Saga Of Whether Goran Dragic Is Going To Sign With The Phoenix Suns Or Not Saga". That saga had many ups and downs and twists and turns and traps and pitfalls and shit, and it caught more than one educated basketball writer out during its run. It also caught me out. But, as ever, I don't invent the news. I just regurgitate it without giving any links due to systematic laziness. I accept equal measures of both credit and scorn for this.

- Captain Larry Turner has signed with Reales de La Vega in the Dominican Republic, and he has also supposedly picked up Dominican citizenship. Barring something like murder, with L-Turn as either the protagonist or the victim, I can't foresee a single scenario in which I ever report Captain Larry Turner news ever again. Enjoy what you've got.

- Tottenham Hotspur re-signed Michael Finley, in a move which makes more sense for the team than the player. Finley is probably going to find that minutes are harder to come by with the acquisition of Roger Mason. But that's up to him.

- Journeyman guard Luis Flores keeps on journeying, signing for Hapoel Holon in Israel. P.J. Tucker played there last year, but the opener to this post - in which Tucker's movements are tracked with spooky inaccuracy - lets us know that the two won't be about to form a beautiful Jordan/Pippen type partnership, nor even a Guillermo Diaz/Josh Powell type of on-court basketball partnership. They won't be forming any kind of partnership at all, in fact, because Tucker's long gone. Shame. That said, I'm still holding out hope that the two form a duo, as a renegade pair of crime fighting fugitives, tough and uncompromising, taking the law into their own hands, stopping at nothing to bring scumbags to justice, while travelling the globe on the lam, avoiding the long arm of the law. This would be good. (It's a new sitcom that I'm writing. The fact that I haven't thought it through whatsoever arguably makes it better.)

- Former Kings training campette Ricky Shields signed with Krka in the Adriatic League, which is a team that I had never previously heard of. Amusingly, this press release chooses to call Shields by his full name, in a trend which I sorely hope catches on, particularly when middle names such as Essington are on show. A particular favourite of mine is Qatar hero, Jabari Montsho Smith. Readers note: I'm about to bleed this joke dry.

- Earl Smith III (see! Works every time!) re-signed with the Denver Nuggets, as well you know......

....and I can't think of a joke to end on. Normally in this situation, I resort to a bit of Conway, in a concept directly and correctly stolen from Family Guy. I don't think it's going over well, though, so we'll put that to bed for now, and end this post here, Twittyless.


(By the way, in answer to my original question.....it hasn't died. Not at all. It's just that the narrative devices are drying up because I'm not a very good writer.)

Won't somebody PLEASE think of Quinton Ross?

There follows a list of the remaining unsigned NBA free agents, and what they're currently rumoured to be doing about their jobless selves. Most of these players suck, because we're over a month into free agency now. Yet this list may still serve as a useful resource if you're sifting through the remaining chunks of free agency vomit, looking for gold dust and/or your brand new watch, relentlessly apologising for ruining the whole party and vowing never to mix Bourbon and Gaymers again. Maybe.

NOTE - decent free agents from other leagues not listed partly because this is an NBA website, and partly because I can't be bothered.


Point guards:

- Kevin Ollie: Recently annointed a role model for reasons other than just the moustache, that video is possibly the only thing on the internet that suggests that some teams want to sign Ollie. By the way, did you know that that's how he spoke? I didn't. I thought it'd be deeper than that. Ho hum.

- Shaun Livingston: Still not cleared to play basketball. In spite of this, the Clippers have talked to him about re-signing anyway, and Miami and Phoenix both also showed an interest. And why wouldn't they? Take a look down this list at how bad the rest of this free agency point guards list is. If you needed a point guard, wouldn't you rather have the guy whose knee doesn't work, than, say, Smush Parker?

- Sam Cassell: Said he intends to play one more year before becoming an assistant coach. "Expects" to stay with the Celtics, who don't seem to be reciprocating quite as much. Cassell either was or wasn't a judge at a pole dancing competition, depending on whether you believe the Boston Globe or Sam himself.

- Jannero Pargo: Apparently on the cusp of signing with the San Antonio Spurs, which seems like an odd decision. Firstly, they don't have much money to give him, which is the reason why Jannero has opted out of contracts two years in a row. Secondly, the reason that they don't have any money is because they spent it on Roger Mason Jr, and why the HELL would you want to pair Jannero Pargo and Roger Mason Jr? Not sure I get that. Even if you start Mason - an idea fraught with danger - and persevere with bringing Manu Ginobili off of the bench, you still get a load of duplication from those two. So what's the point?

- Darrell Armstrong: His agent says that Armstrong has turned down "multiple" coaching opportunities in favour of one more go-around as a player. (If that makes sense.) Orlando were mildly interested. The Nets....less so.

- Dan Dickau: Is considering signing with one of several European teams. He has to - the money's good, and the NBA offers are sparse. More importantly, Dan Dickau is also to host a celebrity poker tournament, sweetened by the deal-breaking offer of a gift bag. So get famous and sign up.

- Damon Stoudamire: The only team with the slightest reported interest is Phoenix. It doesn't seem surprising that no one's looking at Damon, given how badly he did with the Spurs last year, and also because of the giant salad fork sticking out of his back.

- Jason Williams: My great idea for him to re-sign with Sacramento doesn't seem to be working out, given that they brought back a different old boy instead in Bobby Jackson. Williams has had offers from at least one European team, but he doesn't sound too keen on the idea. Shaq wants him in Phoenix, which doesn't really mean anything.

- Andre Owens: No idea. Nothing.

- Chris Quinn (restricted): Hot shit, apparently. The Timberwolves, Clippers, Hawks, Warriors and Wizards have apparently all expressed an interest, and the Heat still have a qualifying offer out there. Life is good for Chris Quinn, even if he is technically unemployed.

- Lindsey Hunter: Hasn't yet decided it he wants to play one more season. If he does, it'll be with Detroit.

- Blake Ahearn: Says that Minnesota "really likes" him after his performances for their summer league team, but hasn't signed anything yet.




Shooting guards:

- Ben Gordon (restricted): Wants a payday like the one Luol Deng just got, in spite of the fact that he has absolutely no free agency suitors other than the Bulls, and also that he isn't as good as Deng. The Bulls want him back - or at least say that they do - and talks are ongoing. But, in the words of fabled philosopher Tim Baland, it's gone get ugly, if it hasn't done so already. (Note: original lyrics may differ.)

- J.R. Smith (restricted): Denver have said that they will match any offer, but Cleveland are apparently about to test that resolve with a full mid level exception offer. Jesus, people. It's J.R. Smith.

- Michael Finley: His agent Henry Thomas says that Finley has turned down some fairly lucrative European offers in favour of a final turn in the NBA. His agent also claims that several "championship calibre teams" want Finley, which means there's no chance of a return to Dallas. (Ho ho ho, see what I did there?)

- Delonte West (restricted): Cleveland are half-arsedly negotiating with him, while also trying far harder to sign J.R. Smith, and simultaneously bringing in Tarence Kinsey as an insurance policy. That can't make West feel good. Boston were supposedly interested in taking him back, and a well paid European offer is on the table, as it is for basically everybody. In fact, it might make more sense for me to merely say who ISN'T being offered big money from Europe.

- Devin Brown: He's not going back to Cleveland. Dallas, New Orleans, Denver and Atlanta are his suitors.

- Gordan Giricek: Wants to return to Phoenix, the team with whom he enjoyed a decent cameo to end last season, but the Suns won't offer more than the minimum, which Giricek won't take. There's a lucractive European offer on the table - OBVIOUSLY - and also some NBA offers from teams that no one wants to name. They must be embarassed at themselves or osmething.

- Ronald Murray: Cleveland "enquired", and that's all we've got. Is it me, or are the Indiana press totally disinterested in reporting the potential destinations of their free agent guards? We know they're not going back to Indiana, but play the game, at least.

- Kirk Snyder: Minnesota didn't offer him a QO, then acquired Rodney Carney to take his place, and no other teams seem to have showed interest? Why is that? He's not THAT bad.

- Quinton Ross: Renounced by the Clippers, ignored by everyone else. WHY, God? WHY? Kareem Rush gets signed early, yet Quinton Ross can't even find a suitor. Rigoddamndiculous.

- Fred Jones: In keeping with our recent little string of "not all that bad shooting guards getting unfairly overlooked", Fred Jones is unsigned and unloved. Come on now. These players aren't great, or even starters. But they're decent players, being dealt the disservice of being stuck at the NBA deepest position. I demand that they be signed.

- Juan Dixon: Gilbert Arenas wants him back in Washington. That's about it.

- Salim Stoudamire: I want to sign him. I'm the only one, though.

- Derek Anderson: Nothing.

- Von Wafer: Played summer league with the Knicks, but won't make their roster.

- Shannon Brown: Couldn't (or wouldn't) even get a summer league spot. He's gone.

- Casey Jacobsen: Memphis waived Tarence Kinsey for this guy, don't you know? Jacobsen isn't going back to Memphis, and has no NBA interest to fall back on.

- Yakhouba Diawara: For seemingly no reason, Denver is considering re-signing Diawara, despite just replacing him with the superior Dahntay Jones. Well, good for them.

- Eric Piatkowski: In recent weeks, Piatkowski has lit the torch at the 24th Cornhusker State Games (whatever they are), and gotten caught up in some dodgy business. However, there's no news of another NBA contract, despite how much Pike wants it. Nonetheless, in that first link, we are treated to the finest Eric Piatkowski quote of all time:

I refuse to not be successful in everything I do.

Apart from double negative usage classes, you never will not be.

- Mario West: Stayed with Atlanta for summer league, but, without a qualifying offer, it doesn't look too likely that he's going back. No one else has said much.

- Ronald Dupree: Went to Oklahoma City's summer league team wearing Seattle Supersonics coloured shoes, albeit probably not on purpose. Unlikely to return, but the man remains confident.

- DerMarr Johnson: Being arrested for DUI didn't do much to strengthen his position as a fringe NBA player.



Small forwards:

- Andre Iguodala (restricted): Negotiations with the Sixers are still in "limbo", but...come on. He's going back there. Where the hell else is he going? The man will fight for the biggest payday, but we all know that he'll get one eventually. Let's not pretend otherwise. Feel free to berate me mercliessly for writing all this bobbins once Iguodala takes the one year qualifying offer and signs with Portland next summer.

- Bonzi Wells: Surprisingly overlooked. New Orleans would rather bring back Ryan Bowen than Bonzi, which is the worst insult that you can give a man. The 6 year contract from Sacramento that Bonzi turned down two years ago is getting ever more hurtful.

- Devean George: Has "several" suitors, but the Clippers are no longer among them, and Dallas apparently aren't either.

- Dorell Wright (restricted): The Heat are "open" to a sign and trade, but to who? No one seems to have expressed an interest.

- Jeremy Richardson (restricted): You can pretty much pencil him in for the Hawks training camp.

- Louis Amundson: A month ago, it seemed a matter of time before Amundson signed a contract with the Golden State Warriors. But then it didn't happen. And now I don't know what's happening.

- Demetris Nichols (restricted): With no suitors and a qualifying offer out there, he'll almost certainly be going to the Bulls training camp, to battle for a spot with players cheaper than he.

- Awvee "Booooo!" Storey: Had his team option declined by Milwaukee, but played on their summer league team anyway. Didn't play very well. No one else wants him.

- Michael Gelabale: No one seems interested, which is probably due to his bad knee injury more than anything.

- Ryan Bowen: See above. A league in which Ryan Bowem has more suitors than Quinton Ross is a very fucked-up league indeed.

- Ira Newble: Nothing to report.

- Marcus Williams: Renounced by the Clippers, not courted by others.

- Linton Johnson: It would make sense to return to Phoenix for the minimum, but that's just me theorising, and not a breaking news report.

- Kasib Powell (restricted): Played well for the Heat in summer league, and looks destined to at least go to their training camp, if not make the regular season roster.



Power forwards:

- Josh Smith (restricted): Still unsigned, as well you know. But it's hard to imagine Atlanta buggering this one up.

- Carl Landry (restricted): The Rockets are idiots if they don't re-sign him. Given that they're clearing out some salary by dumping Steve Novak, it looks as though they intend to.

- Austin Croshere: Theories abound of a Golden State return, but nothing is certain.

- Paul Davis: The Clippers renounced him, but were talking about re-signing him anyway, until news of the impending Steve Novak trade. So that probably rules Davis out.

- James Augustine: Waived by Orlando. If anyone can explain to me how a man that wasn't under contract was able to be waived, let me know.

- Othella Harrington: The knees don't work any more, so don't expect a return.

- Juwan Howard: Things are looking bleak.

- Andre Brown: Nada.

- Shavlik Randolph: Randolph didn't look too bad in his rookie season but has barely taken the court since. No suitors, as you'd expect.

- Sean Marks: Can you believe that Sean Marks has been in the league for 8 years now? 8 years??? How many games has he played in that time? Can't be more than about 14, surely. Things don't look good for a ninth year, but Phoenix seem to love veteran offensive players on minimum salary contracts, so a third year there is still plausible.

- Pat Garrity: His agent said that he (Pat, not the agent) will probably retire if he doesn't re-sign with Orlando. So he's basically destined to retire.

- Robert Horry: The Spurs don't seem to want to play any more, which leaves Horry dangerously short of options, unless the Celtics need someone to mentor Brian Scalabrine.

- Nick Fazekas: The Clippers eventually retracted his qualifying offer - with his consent - which makes Fazekas a free man. Or, if you look at it another way, a homeless man.



Centres:

- Jake Voskuhl: Doesn't even register. NBA people barely acknjowledge his existence. There is always a rush in September to sign tall "defensive" veteran centres, so Voskuhl may get work then, but any dreams of a contract similar to last year's $3 million one from the Milwaukee Bucks have gone by now. They should never have existed in the first place, really.

- Jamaal Magloire: See Voskuhl, but change it to $4 million. Maybe people are starting to recognise that he hasn't been good for about 4 years.

- P.J. Brown: I have no evidence to back this up, but given that he just won the title, wouldn't this be a good moment to call it quits?

- Dikembe Mutombo: His agent says that he won't play for the minimum, which doesn't bode well for his chances of a return to the cost cutting Rockets. That's OK - they'll still have the best defensive team in the NBA even without him.

- Francisco Elson: Was rumoured to be talking to Denver about a possible return, but the Nuggets signed Chris Andersen instead because he was cheaper. Negotiating with the Clippers.

- Robert Swift (restricted): Oklahoma City seem keen to keep him, as evidenced by the qualifying offer that they gave him, despite how little he has played in two years. Other teams seem more perturbed by Swift's incessant knee problems, perhaps rightly so. Personally, I hope it all works out great for him.

- Michael Doleac: His agent offered Doleac's services to Orlando, but do they really need another sub-par backup big man? Does anyone, in fact?

- Chris Richard (restricted): Kevin McHale makes it sound as though Richard's definitely returning. The cheap price and the lack of suitors seem to confirm this.

- Theo Ratliff: I swear I read somewhere during midseason that he intended to retire after this season, but I can't find it now, so forget that I said anything.

- David Harrison: The Pacers have ruled out re-signing him, leaving Harrison with roughly zero options.

- Earl Barron: The Heat are out of room, and Barron's not 18 years old any more. No suitors.

- Alonzo Mourning: Said "one more season" for about the fifth time, but hasn't signed yet.

- Scot Pollard: Unsigned, and not courted, which probably has something to do with the reconstructive surgery on both ankles. And also the fact that it's Scot Pollard.

- Dwayne Jones: Not expected back with Cleveland, which leaves him shit out of luck. Shame.

- Michael Ruffin: No news is normally good news, unless you're Michael Ruffin and yot're awaiting news from your agent of possible contract offers from NBA teams.

- Didier Ilunga-Mbenga: Might be invited to the Lakers training camp, or he might not. It's going to be inconsequential either way.

- Lorenzen Wright: Considering how bad he was during his two years in Atlanta - when he had 186 points, 253 rebounds and 230 fouls - I'm going to go out on a limb and say that no one will sign him. I've got a crow ready and waiting, but I think he's safe.



It's hard to think that all of that crap was in the NBA last year. Bad times.