Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 54

I don't know how to tell you this; not only am I kind of a big deal, but there's also only about three of these Where Are They Now posts left before we reach the human terminus that is Eurelijius Zukauskas. And I've already played my joker with the (simply astonishing) Ejike Ugboaja story. And I'm not going to start again. You're going to promise to keep reading this website once they've dried up, right? Don't go elsewhere. You'll like it here.

- Former Hornets second round draft pick Marcus Vinicus has gone back to his native Brazil, where he averages 19.5 points, 3.7 rebounds and 4.0 assists

- Minor league veteran Fred Vinson retired this summer aged 37 after a season in the IBL, and became an assistant coach/director of player programs for the Los Angeles Clippers, the team that gave him his final shot at the NBA. Presumably, this new role means that he rebounds a lot of Zach Randolph three pointers.

- Former Wake Forest centre Kyle Visser is into his second season with the New Yorker Phantoms in Germany. Last season, Visser averaged 9.8 points and 4.3 rebounds per game on 58% shooting, and this season he's up to 10.6 points and 6.0 rebounds per game on 62% shooting. Visser's team features 9 American players on its roster, which seems like at least 6 too many, regardless of the team's name.

- 7'5 former Knicks and Blazers centre Slavko Vranes is averaging 3.7 points, 5.3 rebounds and 1.1 blocks per game in the Euroleague, alongside 5.3 points, 3.8 rebounds and 1.7 blocks per game in the Adriatic League, for Partizan Belgrade in his sort-of native Serbia.

- Former Hornet, Sun, Bull etc Jackson Vroman is playing for Saba Mehr for Iran. Bollocks if I'm looking for his numbers. You do it.

- The future of the Knicks, Milos Vujanic, averages 10.9 points per game in the Euroleague for Efes Pilsen. That's a good scoring output, but, when you consider that M-Vuj averaged 25.8 points per game in the Euroleague back in 2002-03, it kind of puts those numbers into some sort of context. Milhouse also averages 10.0 points and 2.7 assists in the Turkish league, which is equally average.

- Former Cavaliers and Warriors guard Dajuan Wagner is unsigned. After being cut by the Warriors in late 2006 due to more health concerns, Wagner sat out the rest of that season, and then joined Prokom Sopot in Poland last season, where he averaged 11.7ppg and 2.5rpg in the Polish league, alongside 8.3ppg and 2.5rpg in the Euroleague. He was waived in February - I don't know whether it was due to bad play, bad health, or something else - and resumed workouts with Tim Grover to try and make an NBA comeback. But it hasn't happened, and Wagner remains unsigned.

- Former Heat, Grizzlies, Timberwolves, Celtics, Mavericks and Hawks forward Antoine Walker is waiting for the phone to ring. It hasn't rung. It won't be ringing, either.

- Former Bucks, Spurs, Pacers, Lakers, Heat, Wizards and Mavericks big man Samaki Walker started the season in the Lebanon, but thankfully saw the light and moved to China, unselfishly giving his time for our enjoyment. Good man. Here are his stat lines in his three games, earliest first:

48 minutes, 19 points, 19 rebounds, 1 block, 0 assists, 6-18 shooting.
36 minutes, 11 points, 10 rebounds, 2 blocks, 1 assist, 4-12 shooting.
35 minutes, 35 points, 27 rebounds, 3 blocks, 4 assists, 17-24 shooting.

Good times.

- Former Celtics forward Brandon Wallace started the season in Turkey playing for Mersin Buyuksehir Belediyesi, but played in only one game, totalling 6 points, 3 rebounds and 3 blocks. He then moved to Poland with the incomparable Bank BPS Basket Kwidzyn, where he averages 7.4 points and 5.5 rebounds.

- Summer league perennial Judson Wallace is playing with Benetton Treviso, where I enjoy the luxury of being able to watch him quite regularly. Wallace averages 10.2 points, 7.9 rebounds and 2.0 steals in the Italian league, alongside 8.9 points, 7.4 rebounds and 1.8 steals per game in the Eurocup.

- Finally, former Heat and Nets swingman Matt Walsh is in Belgium playing for Charleroi. He averages only 6.0 points and 2.6 rebounds in the Belgian league, as his jumpshot hasn't turned up yet, shooting only 25% from three in Belgian league competition. But he fairs better in the Eurocup, where he averages 13.3 points, 2.8 rebounds and 2.3 assists, shooting 44% from downtown.

Summer signings, round 29

- The Nets figured out that they could use a point guard, given that they only have two right now, one of whom is a shooting guard. So they brought in their former player Eddie Gill, as well as GM Kiki Vanderweghe's former mistake, Julius Hodge. They also signed another old boy, Awvee Storey, as well as some fella called Brian Hamilton. Those two can now battle valiantly for two weeks for the spot of 7th small forward on the roster, before both being waived anyway. Tough life.

- Jiri Hubalek's replacement at Phoenix's training camp is a man known by the slightly superb name of Coleman Collins, who played for the Raptors in summer league. Also turning out for the Suns' camp are Robert Hite, a highly capable three point shooter, and Trey Johnson, whose name suggests that he should be.

- The Clippers added Curtis Sumpter amongst their list of camp signings, and just as I was about to write about how they still made this move after barely playing him in their summer league campaign, I then realised that it wasn't Curtis Sumpter who played for the Clippers in summer league, but Curtis Stinson! Haha! God! I bet Sumpter gets that, like, ALL the time!

- In other Clippers news, Jason Williams retired not long after signing with the team. Bugger! I was really hoping for a J-Dub Redux, so much so that I have mentioned it like 80 times. And now we won't have one. Damn shame.

- Chicago made easily the best training camp signings out of everyone, because they're the best franchise in the sport. Genius comes naturally to them, and these signings reflect that. But enough of this overused hubris - they did actually make two good signings with Elton Brown and Darius Washington, fringe NBA players who can bring something that the team otherwise lacks, were they to make the roster. Roger Powell has far less chance of doing anything, but at least they get "hometown boy makes hometown team" stories out of it.

- Orlando made three signings of their own, with forward Jeremy Richardson, center Dwayne Jones, and point guard Mike Wilks. Three of my favourite fringe NBA players, they are. But I bet only Wilks sticks. Shame.

- Francisco Garcia somehow got a 5 year, $30 million extension from the Kings, which is basically MLE money. This after one decent year. Based on last year's play, and last year's play only, is Garcia worthy of the MLE? No, not really. He learnt how to shoot, but only to the direct detriment of his defense. Yet somehow, the Kings think that this one semi-decent season from a soon to be 27 year old backup is worth giving him a 5 year novelty oversized extension. Okay. Have fun paying him $7 million when he's 32. (Note: if Garcia tunes his game to the point where he plays the average defense that he used to play, yet keeps his fancy new jumpshot as well, then this will be fine.)

- Sammy Mejia, former draft pick of the Pistons, has signed for a Greek team named AEL 1964 Larissa, whose name derives from a joyous union of some opticians, the seminal Beatles smash "I Want To Hold Your Hand", and a 6'4 black transexual hooker. Sounds like a good night in.

- Philadelphia fully committed to this training camp idea, bringing in four players, seemingly stuck on the "R" page of their available players directory. Maureece Rice is a short fat guard who can't play point guard and who just came off a pretty damn poor senior year, Antywane Robinson is a training camp veteran small forward with an affection for his unspectacular jumpshot, Jared Reiner is a legend, and Justin Reed is trying to get back into the league after being one of the better players in the D-League last year. Those last two have a chance, depending on how deep the Sixers want to go. The Sixers also signed veteran Andre Emmett, but he has far less of a chance.

- Miami signed Eddie Basden as a energetic defensive guard with no offensive talent, and Matt Walsh as a perimeter shooter. But, considering that the Heat have already signed Koobs Diawara and James Earl Jones for those two roles, both of whoom have considerably more guaranteed money coming to them, you can probably go ahead and say with some confidence that there ain't no way in hell they're making the team. The Heat also signed Omar Barlett and Tre Kelley for camp, the kind of signings that training camp is about - a 28 year old forward so obscure that I had to translate the Polish calendar to figure out when his birthdate is, and a small guard who goes by an alias unbefitting of his style of play. Good times. I love training camp, me.



This will be the last of the summer signings posts, by the way. This is partly because news has pretty much dried up, and that most news now is just training camp signings, which will be fully documented in another post. But mainly, it's because it's not summer any more.

We'll go out with a bang. Two bangs, in fact. You're getting banged from all angles. Giggidy.

- Former Atlanta Hawks forward Hanno Mottola retired from the game last week, while in theory still at his "peak". That's bang number one.

- Bang number two; the mighty Shawn Kemp comeback, mentioned before here, is over after precisely 0 games. Kemp showed up in reasonable shape, but then stopped showing up at all. After flying home briefly to the USA - ostensibly to check that his property was fine after recent hurricanes - Kemp never came back, and the team ended the experiment, on seemingly courteous terms. To replace Kemp, the team have signed former NBA brick shithouse Brandon Hunter.

That is all. Summer officially just ended. So sayeth the Lord.