Come Back, Baby Come Back

As you might presently yourself fully be aware of, my grammar sucks. Also, you might have noticed that nothing has happened around here lately. Well, it's OK, I'm here.

Thanks to those of you who showed genuine concern as to whether I was maimed, imprisoned, dead, or worse. You're very compassionate, kind-hearted and sincere, traits that will inevitably lead to a joyful existence on the heavenly half of the afterlife. Conversely, fuck off to those of you who showed anger and resentment at my lack of posting and/or site updates, as if I was in some way contractually obliged to do what you want, when you wanted it. May I remind you that this is a free website, with no adverts, greatly superior to every comparable website on the internet (particularly with regards to the colour scheme) run by a man who frankly you should spend a good 90 minutes of every day praising, rejoicing, and fellating. You'll get what you're given, as and when I choose to give it. You hell-destined bar stewards.

The actual answer to the age-old question of "where the hell were you?" is that I was on holiday. I went to the Costa Del Sol, in November, escaping the classic British grey of November time. So you can see why that was more fun than calculating Rob Kurz's salary for the remainder of the season.

Do you want to see my holiday photos? Ch'yeah you do! Here are some of my holiday photos!

The Sun. It was hot. I burnt.

My burn.

A fat woman whose arse seemed to have no seam. (Identity concealed, expertly.)

The mighty Grunkel television that kept us entertained with German versions of Remington Steele and soft core pornography all week long. No, I don't know why all Spanish television is German either.

A dog curling one out.

A dead fish.

Now that I've been sufficiently self-effacing and boring in equal measure, here are my thoughts on stuff, for all those who struggled to go a full week without my aggressive and misguided thoughts on stuff.

1: I didn't initially know who I liked the Denver/Detroit deal for most when it happened, if either. But in the week or so that I've spent lying on beaches not thinking about it, I've decided I like it for both teams. Detroit gets the better player and the best salary in Allen Iverson, which can never be a bad combination, while Denver switches up a core that was never going to work anyway, almost getting under the luxury tax in the process. (After Antonio McDyess's buyout, Denver is now no more than a small dollop over their eternal enemy, the luxury tax threshold. If they waft a pick Memphis's way, they should be able to dump Chucky Atkins, whose salary for next year is only $760,000 guaranteed, thus not affecting Memphis's 2009 cap space plan much. This move gets Denver under the tax, finally, and it need only cost them the pick that they got from Charlotte for Alexis Ajinca to do it. Also note that I'm just an ideas man, not a soothsayer. Houston would be sensible to do much the same with Steve Francis, who is entirely surplus to requirements in both Memphis and Houston, and whose salary is keeping the Rockets in the tax territory. But his expiring is tolerable for the Grizzlies with apt sweeteners. With those two deals, Memphis could gain two picks without changing their long or short term plans, while Houston and Denver save lots of money on players and picks that they don't need. To me, this makes sense. Does that mean it will happen? No. But, between now and February, I'd place a call. Boy, this bracket got a bit long.)

(Oh, by the way - the combined $34 million in expirings that Detroit can now offer up with Iverson and Rasheed Wallace makes that Kwame Brown deal look even worse. Whoops.)

2: I forgot to post my Houston and Phoenix previews before going away. If you want them, send an email. Enclose money.

3: I really can't stand Bob Ortegal. In the years that I've listened to him, I can't remember one single insightful or interesting comment. Now, history tells me that when you question a team's announcing duo, fans of that team will then try to kill you with words and insults, so I expect Dallas fans to now do much the same. But, seriously. Take a step back and reanalyse. He's awful. There's no chemistry, no humour, no insight and you know for a bloody fact that he's never watched a game that he hasn't commentated on. (For example, take Dallas's preseason game versus Chicago. Ortegal admits he's never seen Derrick Rose play before, concludes after two drives that Rose only goes to his left, and then spends the rest of the night finding excuses for every time Rose went right. That's so dumb, I should have said it.) There exists only a dull, repetitive retelling of what the replay he's "analysing" depicts. And any old bastard can do that. I just wanted to vent this.

4: The Bulls suck in a variety of ways, which is a shame. Good luck John. (By the way, last night I dreamt that Paxson unretired and filled the Bulls current backup point guard void, proof if it were needed that I didn't have any fleeting holiday romances. After having seen they signed Lindsey Hunter, I kind of wish it had come true.)

5: In keeping with this website's continued attempts to be better than everybody else, here's next year's free agents.

6: When it happened, I nearly wrote something in this blog about the Pau Gasol trade. In contrast to the opinions of everyone else in the world, I was keeping to leap in and defend the Grizzlies' end of the trade. But I didn't, because I couldn't be bothered. I've rued that laziness for a while, so let me go on the record now, despite it being a bit late since the secret of the awesomeness of Marc Gasol got out: Memphis did all right. When your mandate is to make a salary dump, and you wind up getting the second biggest expiring contract in the league, you're off to a good start. But in addition to that, the Grizzlies got good young talent that people don't acknowledge. As well as Kwame Brown's salary, the Grizzlies got back Javaris Crittenton (good young guard, with emphasis on the "young" - he's still only 20), and the rights to Marc Gasol (a starting calibre NBA centre, whether you knew of this in advance or not). The Grizzlies also two first round picks from the Lakers, one of which has become Darrell Arthur, their 20 year old starting power forward formerly thought to be a high lottery pick. They still have their other pick to come, along with almost double maximum cap room, while taking back not one bad contract or inconsequential player in the deal. That's a good return on a one-time-All-Star power forward, particularly when you only wanted to dump salary.

What we may have witnessed here is a win-win trade, where both teams get what they wanted and improved as a result. This should be the result of every trade, and we shouldn't try to find only one winner to the deal. The Lakers clearly benefitted greatly from the deal, but Memphis won too. Yes, such a conclusion is entirely possible.

There. The balance is redressed. Now take out the bits about Darrell Arthur, and pretend I wrote that in February.

Dude. It's Zach Randolph.

ESPN: Knicks suggest dealing Randolph to Memphis

The Knicks have a trade proposal on the table with the Memphis Grizzlies that would see Darko Milicic and Marko Jaric dealt to New York in exchange for Zach Randolph.

OK, I get it. I do. I really do.

"Here, take Zach Randolph! Take this extremely talented player who just so happens to play at your weakest position! Nooooooo, we don't want anything back! You just take him!"

I get that. When your job is to improve your team, and you are offered a highly talented basketball player for essentially free, it's a tough one to turn down. And Zach Randolph really is highly talented.

But he's also Zach Randolph. And therein lies the problem.

For all of Zach's talents, his play has never been efficient, sensible, or highly profitable. Just by playing him, you lose an untold amount on defense, something which Randolph simply cannot do. And for all his versatility and skill as an offensive player, Zach has never had the sense or awareness to fit into an offense efficiently - Randolph is a career .465 shooter starting his offense from increasingly near the three point line, and with an intense aversion to passing. Bear in mind, this is a man once berated for selfishness by former teammate, Nick Van Exel. And Nick Van Exel knows a thing or two about selfishness.

The problem is exacerbated when looking at Memphis's other big men. Out of Hamed Haddadi, Hakim Warrick, Darrell Arthur, Marc Gasol and Antoine Walker, who represents a good pairing for Zach? Who is the weakside shotblocker to counteract Zach's complete failure in that area? There's a bit there, mainly coming from Gasol, but there's not much. Additionally, if Marc Gasol is to start at centre - and it looks like he has to - then how do you pair him and Randolph on offense? Pairing Randolph with a man who plays within 3 feet of the rim at all times (Eddy Curry) went painfully badly last season, so how much different will it be with Gasol? How does Zach fit?

Take a wider look at the roster, and the same applies. The Memphis roster is a symposium of good young talent and veterans that they're stuck with. In Rudy Gay and Orange Juice Mayonnaise (readers note: that joke wasn't funny, nor mine), the Grizzlies have two talented young scorers, and a roster rounded out with complimentary athleticism, defensive versatility and scoring talent. However, outside shooting remains a concern, and there remains a big hole at power forward. There's also a big rebounding hole on a team that was outrebounded by 2.9 boards a game last year, good for only 25th in the league.

Now Zach Randolph is a power forward all right, and he's constantly armed with a good rebounding rate. But if anyone expects him to come in and be primarily a rebounder, in the role that David Lee refused to fill, then they're either eternally optimistic, or privy to some blackmail that the rest of us aren't. No one has been able to convince Zach Randolph that his future lies in the post for a while now, and a year under the stewardship of Isiah Thomas is not good news for any player who struggles to understand their limitations.

The current reported trade talk sees Memphis giving New York nothing more than Marko Jaric and Darko Milicic. That is something, at least. Milicic is a player who has failed to pan out for three teams, and Marko is someone Memphis didn't want in the first place. The two players combine to earn $35,860,000 over the next three years, and they represent the two worst contracts that the Grizzlies have. (Readers note: Antoine Walker's contract is longer and bigger, but it's also fully unguaranteed beyond this year. And that's why Memphis wanted it in the first place. Same with Greg Buckner, sort of.) The next three years of Zach Randolph will pay him $48 million, and the cap hold for the first two years will be only a minor increase over what Darko and Marko currently take up. The only significant cap hit comes in the 2010/11 season, where Randolph will earn $17,333,333 to Jaric's $7,625,000, with Milicic already expired. But, as the Grizzlies have only 5 players under contract at that time, that isn't relevant of right now. The cost of obtaining Randolph is as low as it can be: two mostly insignificant bench players, who also have the franchise's two largest contracts.

But is that minimal price still too much for Zach Randolph?

It's a high risk move, clearly. But it's only a high reward move if the Zach Randolph of 2006/07 turns up, the one who put up a flawed but sexy 24 points and 10 rebounds a game. The one who wasn't as bad as usual on defense. The one who stayed largely in the post. The one who didn't complain too much. The one who was in the best shape of his life. The one who produced. To make this trade worthwhile, Memphis needs that Randolph back. But even after such a career best season, Portland were willing to trade him for nothing. Portland would rather pay Steve Francis $30 million to not turn up,rather than have even the good version of Randolph back. Warning sirens aplenty. If they get this Zach Randolph back, then they will be trading for the highest paid non-All Star of all time, and making a $48 million investment in a painful player with a painful contract and a temperamental history.

Risky. Too risky.

Will we ever see the better Randolph again? I don't know the answer, and I don't know about this trade. I get it, but......dude.

It's Zach Randolph.

Where Are They Now? Part 14

Thomas Gardner is playing alongside Hiram Fuller for Mayaguez.

Marc Gasol is playing for Akasayu Girona in Spain.

Otis George is playing for Fastweb Casale Monferrato in Italy's lower leagues.

Eddie Gill has gone back to where he came from before his recent 10 day contratc with the Sonics - the Colorado 14ers/Balls of the D-League.

Kendall Gill is retired, and is now a studio analyst for Comcast's Bulls broadcasts.

Dion Glover was recently playing in Venezuela, but appears to have left.

Andreas Glyniadakis has left the D-League and returned to Greece to play for Marousi.

Anthony Goldwire is keepin' on truckin' at age 36, playing for Egaleo in Greece.

Joao Gomes, undrafted last year, is playing for Leche Rio Breogan Lugo in Spain's LEB-Gold devision. (Which isn't the top division.)

Jamon Gordon is playing for Antalya in Turkey.

Brian Grant is very retired.

Gerald Green remains unsigned after being waived by the Rockets, who inferred that they might look to re-sign him this summer. So he'll be back.