Summer league round-up: Dallas Mavericks

When I said I would have these lists done in time, I meant by January 10th, the start of the Vegas Summer League. I forgot that the Orlando Summer Pro League comes first. Whoops. Oh well. If we're late, we're late.

We're also going back in the alphabet, because Dallas have finally announced their roster. Still nothing from Cleveland yet, though.

View the Mavericks summer league roster.

- Alfred Aboya: Typically, we start with the one guy that I've never heard of before. There's nothing wrong with that, though, since it means we get to learn. Aboya is a 6'9 big man who just finished his senior season at UCLA, a team that seems to have lost its entire roster over the last three weeks. He averaged 9.9 points and 6.3 rebounds last season, and, when I finally get around to those UCLA games that I keep promising to watch, I'll be able to fashion a more formulated if still largely ignorant opinion of him. But I'm willing to bet you already that he's better than Lorenzo Mata-Real.

- Rodrigue Beaubois: Beaubois was the Maverick's first round draft choice this past summer, when they traded the rights to B.J. Mullens for him. I'm only upset that I missed out on a "Mark Cuban turned down a B.J." joke, despite the predictability of it all. Beaubois averaged 10.0 points, 2.5 rebounds and 2.3 assists in the French league last season, which isn't particularly impressive from a 6'2 guard in a weak standard of competition. Yet I read somewhere that they're bringing him over immediately anyway. Albuquerque awaits.

- Andre Brown: Andre Brown, if you're reading this, I don't mean to offend here. But I'm not sure why you keep getting NBA contracts. It's great for you that you do, so be very proud of that, but the resumé isn't strong. You've shown some decent offensive talent in the minor leagues - that is, if we're willing to excuse your Shaq-like foul shooting - yet you've never done anything at the NBA level. Spot minutes in 75 games over three years might not be the biggest sample size, but you've never shown yourself to be an offensive player at the NBA level, and survive only in the big leagues as a rebounder, something at which you're good yet average. You're now 28, have not improved any as a shooter or a shotblocker, and don't look like a likely candidate to suddenly develop NBA talent from somewhere. But, you know, congratulations on yet another summer league. Dallas could use a power forward, so you've chosen well.

(Don't know why I wrote that like that.)

For the record, Brown split last season between the Austin Toros of the D-League (where he averaged 14,9 points and 9.5 rebounds), Banvit Kulubu in Turkey (where he averaged 12.1 points and 9.6 rebounds) and the Bobcats (where he totalled 4 points and 12 rebounds in 4 games).

- Nick Calathes: Calathes is a straight baller, who has already signed with Panathinaikos for next season. He did that even before he was drafted, facilitated in that quest by having a Greek passport. And when we get to the Clippers entry, I'll tell you why this news confuses me. Calathes' NBA prospects are hindered by his athletic disadvantages, but Europe will love him. And if he develops that outside stroke some, we'll probably see him back here one day.

- Shan Foster: Shan Foster (pronounced Shane) is an out and out shooter who can pretty much only shoot. That's it, really. There's nothing wrong with that, though, because you can never have too many shooters, and Foster's a good one. Donnie Nelson states that Foster has improved his range out to real three point range, which will help him, but what won't help him is his kind of mediocre season last year. Foster averaged 10.4 points and 2.9 rebounds in 30mpg for Eldo Caserta in Italy's SerieA, shooting only 36% from three point range and scoring a total of 311 points on 270 shots. That's not very good, really.

- Mickael Gelabale: Gelabale spent two years with the Sonics, but just when he'd started to make some progress in his second year, he screwed up his knee. He was out of the game for about a year, and only returned in late March, when he played in 6 games down the stretch for the L.A. D-Fenders in the D-League, averaging 16.0 points and 4.3 rebounds. If his athleticism isn't affected by the knee injury, then he'll stay on the NBA radar for a while, but it would take a truly fine summer league showing to get him there this year.

- Luke Jackson: Try as he might, Luke Jackson has still never stuck around in the NBA for more than about eight minutes at a time. This is the one, Luke. This time. Jackson spent last season in the D-League with the Idaho Stampede, averaging 17.4 points, 5.4 rebounds and 4.4 assists a game, shooting 44% from three point range and 85% from the line. So not only did he shoot better than Shan Foster, but he demonstrated a more efficient and all-around offensive game. Work hard on that D, Shan.

- Curtis Jerrells: As with Kevin Rogers before him, I saw a crap load of Jerrells last year, aaaaaand.....he's all right. His shot is his strength, but it's also not strong enough to get him into the NBA on its own. His floor game is solid if unspectacular, but his half court offense is mediocre, he's a shoot-first player, and he hasn't the consistent enough range to make you touch yourself. Put 5 to 10% on that three point percentage, C.J, and we'll revisit this.

- Bryson McKenzie: McKenzie averaged 2.9 points and 4.4 rebounds in the D-League last year. Those numbers, they.....they suck. And yet they're about as much as the turns-26-next-week McKenzie has ever achieved in his three year professional career. But here's a 22 minute highlight mix anyway.

EDIT: Apparently this entry wasn't favourable enough. An e-mail I received:

To Whom It May Concern:

This is A Man Whose Name I Edited Out, the agent for Bryson McKenzie. Before you start posting stuff, please do more homework on players. Bryson did averaging 2.9 pts and 4.6 rebounds last year in the D-league, but he was only there for a month and a half and came towards the end of the season. Before that he was playing 1st Division internationally and in 2008 averaged 17 ppg, 13 rpg, and 3 bpg game. Then after that he left the NBA D-League and went on to play in the International Basketball League in the spring of 2009 where he averaged 17.5 ppg, 14.5 rpg, and 3.9 bpg. See Link:
http://www.vancouvervolcanoes.com/profile.php?playerid=61.

On May 8, 2009 he had a game where he had 26 points, 29 rebounds, and 9 blocks and . He led the league in rebounds and block shots and led his team in scoring. He was also with the Lakers in the 2007 NBA Summer League as well. If you can change your comments about my client, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

So, there you go. Now you know more about Bryson McKenzie than I could ever teach you. Thank you, Mr Agent Sir, for filling the gaps in this Bryson McKenzie synopsis. I've got several thousand other players to cover if you want to help me with those too.

(You don't? Oh.)

- Aaron Miles: Miles was on the Mavericks summer league season last year, too, where he did a decent job of not being Keith McLeod. (And yet McLeod was the one who got the training camp contract. Ho-hum.) Miles spent last season in Greece, where he averaged 11.3 points and 3.5 assists for Panionios, but he also did the usual Aaron Miles thing and shot only 10-51 from three point range. And that persistent flaw continues to be the reason why this 26 year old former Warriors guard can't get back into the league.

- Ahmad Nivins: I like Nivins. I've told you that before, but there it is again. And if the Mavericks find a way to keep both him and another favourite of mine, James Singleton, as the backup forwards, then I'll be a happy bunny. But that might involve Donnie Nelson and Devean George being separated from one another. And I'm not sure either of them wants that. Maybe we should force it to happen. Tonya Harding one of them if necessary. (Note: don't really do that. I don't want an "incitement to riot" charge on my work visa application.)

- Trent Strickland: Strickland is another D-League veteran coming off of a pretty solid year. Strickland averaged 17.5 points and 6.1 rebounds in roughly 30 minutes per game for the Rio Grande Valley Vipers. Those are especially good rebounding numbers from a 6'5 swingman. Unfortunately, T-Strick has always lacked a consistent jumpshot, and still does, shooting only 31% from three point range last season in over 100 tries. If he had one of them, he'd probably have had a modicum of NBA experience by now. But he hasn't.


EDIT: Quite a long time after releasing their roster, the Mavericks then released it again, with seven extra players on it. And here they are.

- Henry Dugat: Dugat is presumably only here because of Jerrells, his Baylor team mate. Dugat teamed with Jerrells and the immortal Tweety Carter to form a three guard midget backcourt, and between them they took a lot of threes. Dugat took the least of the three, but was a very efficient shooter from out there through his first three years. Unfortunately, his shot also vacated him, and hie shot 30% from three point range in his senior season (down from 40% his sophomore year), and 41% overall (down from 47%). As a 6'0 shoot first guard (and a shoot second guard), Fugat would have to have an exceptional jumpshot, exceptional speed, or an exceptional ability to get to the rim to be faintly NBA calibre. But he doesn't have any of them.

- Herbert Hill: Hill spent the whole 2007-08 season on the Sixers roster after being drafted by them late in the 2007 draft, but he didn't play any games due to a knee surgery. He was allowed to walk unchallenged, and had a tryout in August for Le Mans in France. However, his knee still hadn't recovered, and he wasn't signed. It was six whole months before he reappeared, when he was acquired by the Bakersfield Jam in the D-League, averaging an unimpressive 5.9 points and 4.4 rebounds in 11 games. He later moved to the Tulsa 66ers, where things went a bit better, with averages of 17.6 points, 9.6 rebounds and 3.4 blocks in 5 games. Impressively, in those five games he managed to hit 43 field goals, but only two free throws.

- Quinton Hosley: Hosley started last season with Real Madrid, and averaged 8.6 points and 3.2 rebounds in the Euroleague. But he left the team in February, and I seem to remember reading somewhere that he wasn't asked to leave in a particularly polite manner. If you know what I mean. He then finished up the season in Turkey, playing 14 games for Galatasaray and averaging 15.9 points and 5.2 rebounds. What he would bring to the Mavericks, though, I'm not sure. Presumably he thinks he can earn enough minutes on this 18 man roster to get himself a little showcase in front of the baying crowd of dozens, and land himself another well paid European gig somehow. Why he wouldn't find a smaller roster, though, I'm also not sure.

- Nathan Jawai: Jawai was acquired via trade from Toronto the day before summer league started. He played only 19 minutes with the Raptors in his rookie season, and spent quite a lot of time in the D-League. But he wasn't very good down there, averaging a comparatively mediocre 11.1 points and 6.4 rebounds in 14 games. He does have a guaranteed contract for next year, however, so his chances of making the roster for next year have to be pretty good, Even if it comes at the expense of the superior Ryan Hollins.

- K.C. Rivers: I only saw Rivers once, and I was more mesmerised by Trevor Booker at the time, but I remember Rivers as being a spot-up shooter and decent rebounder, who didn't really have NBA size or the speed to compensate for that. Googling him, that looks to be the case. The league always needs shooters, though, so if he becomes an inescapably good shooter, he'll stay on the map.

- Damjan Rudez: If Kirk Hinrich and Michael Phelps had a dirty illicit love child, it would look like Damjan Rudez. Rudez is a slightly skinny Croatian international forward who plays for Olimpia Ljubliana in Slovenia, and who averaged 5.5 points and 2.8 rebounds in the Euroleague last year. He went undrafted in the 2008 draft, perhaps due to concerns about the versatility of his game. As the following video suggests, he's largely a jumpshooter.



- Moussa Seck: When he was 19 years old, Moussa Seck was a streetside cosmetics vendor in his native Senegal who had never played basketball before. He was spotted on the street by a scout, who may have picked up on the subtle fact that Seck is 7'4 tall. He's now 22, which means he's far from a polished and experienced basketball product. But he's still 7'4, so people are still interested in him. Seck spent last year with Poderosa Supernova Montegranaro, the feeder team of Serie A team Premiata Montegranaro. They play in a division so far below the big league team that I can't tell you a single other fact about them. To play in a lower standard of basketball and still be Googleable is damn near impossible, unless you're Bryson McKenzie's agent. But, at the very least, it's the start of a CV.

Seck is also 220lbs, which is only slightly more than what I weigh. Except I'm 6'3 and he's 7'4. I don't know what this says about either of us.

Yuta Tabuse was supposed to be on this team. But he didn't partake in the free agent minicamp that preceded it due to injury. I guess they figured they had better point guard options.

Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 26

I'm kind of overexcitable today, with a level of maturity that belies my 24 years of age. I feel pretty much like a small child today. And I feel like a small child today because I've just acted like one. Today, 2nd February 2009, marks the day that I built the first snowman of my life. And here it is:


Experienced snowmen builders out there will have noticed a few faults in my technique. For example, it's plain to see that I've fallen into the usual rookie trap of making a base that is way too big, overestimating what I will have the patience to achieve, and then having to hurridly heap snow on top, crudely falling into kind of a cone shape, making my snowman's body resemble a sumo wrestler melting. Additionally, I don't have any coal, so the classic coal eyes have had to be replaced by a pair of police aviators. I also didn't have a carrot, so a parsnip suffices as the nose, and insulating tape forms a rudimentary mouth shape for no particular reason. I also have no explanation as to why he is holding a retro early 90's tennis racket, or a duck on a stick, but these additions seemed vital at the time. As did the really gay stetson. But I'm proud of it anyway, because it's my first one. And everyone remembers their first time.

Why haven't I built one before? Well, because it's never snowed like this before. And why am I telling you all this? Because I felt like it. Anyhoo. To some basketball stuff.

- Serge Ibaka played in the LEB Gold last year, and has upgraded to the ACB this year. He's not tearing things up at the moment, with sedate averages of 6.1 ppg, 4.0 rpg and 1.0 bpg, but those numbers are pretty good from a 19 year old in the ACB. So much so, in fact, that according to ESPN's Chris Sheridan, his rights are hot property.

- Mile Ilic is also in Spain and the ACB, playing for Cajasol Sevilla, the team currently in last place. Ilic isn't really helping, as he averages 2.2 points, 2.2 rebounds, 0.6 blocks and 1.6 fouls per game through 12 games. Those numbers improved to 6.7 points and 3.3 rebounds in EuroChallenge play, but, now aged 24, excuses of rawness are running thin.

- Ersan Ilyasova is one of the highest paid players in Europe, and is still a restricted free agent of the Milwaukee Bucks. However, instead of being the 21 year old Turk that we believe him to be, he might actually be a 24 year old Uzbekistani, if unconfirmed reports are telling the truth. Ilyasova averages 10.4 points and 8.1 rebounds in the Spanish League for Barcelona, along with 9.6 points and 6.9 rebounds in the Euroleague.

- Jermaine Jackson is with Snaidero Udine, who currently place last in Italy's SerieA. Jackson averages 8.1 points, 5.8 assists and 3.3 steals, as the passer to Rashad Anderson's scorer, but hasn't played since December due to a groin injury, and has returned to the US to get it looked at.

- I've no idea what Jim Jackson does now, but the answer is not 'playing professional basketball'.

- Luke Jackson is back in the D-League, averaging 16.7 points, 5.0 rebounds, 4.1 assists and 3.4 turnovers for the Idaho Stampede. Will he ever make it back for more than 3 weeks at a time?

- Marc Jackson is back to doing what he does best - bumming around Europe, finding work in whichever country he can get. As far as I can tell, though, he doesn't have any right now. Jackson signed with Unics Kazan for preseason, but he doesn't appear to be on their roster, or their season statistics, and I watched a Unics Kazan game last week in which Jackson wasn't even mentioned. So I'm guessing he's not there any more. (By the way, here's something that I learnt from that game: Vladimir Veremeenko = skilled, versatile.....clumsy.)

- Casey Jacobsen is back in Germany, the country that was so good to him back in 2007. For ALBA Berlin, Jacobsen averages 10.0 points, 2.9 rebounds and 1.2 assists in the German league, along with 6.3 points, 2.8 rebounds and 1.2 assists in the Euroleague. Unfortunately, on the latter stage, Jacobsen's shot has left him (just like it did last season) - he's shooting only 33% in Euroleague play, while shooting almost exclusively three pointers. But in the German league, Jacobsen averages 1.62 points per shot, and anyone who knows me knows how much I love that metric. It's like true shooting percentage for lazy people. Good times.

- Jan Jagla is with DKV Joventut Badalona in Spain, a team that features heavily throughout this list. (Or at least, it will do.) Jagla evrages 7.0 points, 3.0 rebounds, 0.7 steals and 0.9 blocks in 17 minutes per game in the Spanish league, rising to 9.0 points, 3.3 rebounds and the same defensive stats in an extra minute per game in the Euroleague.

- Sarunas Yassercabbages is with Panathinaikos, as he has been since falling out of the NBA. For Panathinaikos, Jasikevicius is doing the thing he couldn't do in the NBA - producing. His averages (10.9ppg, 2.9apg in the Greek league, 8.0ppg and 2.3apg in the Euroleague) might not seem like much, but that team is stacked. You've got Jasikevicius, Dimitris Diamantidis, Vassils Spanoulis, Antonis Fotsis.....and they're just the players whose names end in S.

- Finally, for my views on Robertas Javtokas's NBA prospects, click this. For his numbers, keep it right here: Javtokas averages 13.0 points, 5.7 rebounds and 1.0 blocks in the Eurocup, along with 8.6 points, 5.2 rebounds and 1.1 blocks in the Russian league.

Third Prize Is You're Fired

"Anybody wanna see second prize?"


"Second prize is a set of steak knives."



- Milwaukee signed Ron Howard, T.J. Cummings, Matt Freije and Kevin Kruger for camp. If you're wondering who Ron Howard and T.J. Cummings are......well, you have yourself a valid question, but both are represented by Elfus-Siegel Manegement, an agency quite adept at landing their players places on training camp rosters. (If you were wondering, this is how Garth Joseph rolled up on the Bulls training camp back in 2003, for one beautiful week.) That's basically the only reason that they're there, though, and be very careful when you Google-search T.J. Cummings's name. Freije gives the Bucks a weak-defending jumpshooting power forward, as they only have two right now, which just isn't enough. And Kruger gets to spend a couple of weeks in the NBA, even though he has no chance of making a roster that sees Luke Ridnour, Ramon Sessions and Tyronn Lue ahead of him, whether he likes it or not. Sham's prediction: The Bucks told Damon Jones not to report, and they'll try to trade him, but he will probably be waived if that can't be done. That would open up a roster spot for someone, but what would be the point of any of those four filling it?

- Minnesota made me a happy man this summer. Their camp signings were Kevin Ollie, Blake Ahearn and Rafael Araujo, while Chris Richard accepted his qualifying offer. Blake Ahearn is a nice player. Kevin Ollie is a moustachioed legend with something of a Brunson complex. But....Araujo? That's friggin' perfect, man, on so many levels. There's so much right about that move. Part of it is the way that Rob Babock won't let go, part of it is the fact that it's Rafael Araujo, but also because his signing allows for the existence of this picture:



Only Rafael Araujo could use training camp media day as an excuse to pull an unhateably funny face such as that, while sitting in a brand spanking new home jersey that he's already managed to dribble on. The NBA needs Rafael Araujo.

Sham's prediction: Unfortunately, it probably won't get him. These moves give Minnesota 18 players under contract, 16 of which are at least partially guaranteed (except for maybe Richard. Notice I said maybe). The two that aren't are Ollie and Araujo, which doesn't bode well for Hoffa, as much as we want him to make the team. As things stand, Minnesota has the unrivalled Frontcourt Fivesome Of Shite™, with Araujo, Brian Cardinal, Calvin Booth, Mark Madsen and Jason Collins all on the roster. I want this to continue on forever and ever. But it won't. (Ahearn makes the team, by the way, and Booth gets cut. This is the prediction that I promised you, from the website that occasionally keeps its promises.)

- New Jersey are good sports. With 15 guaranteed contracts already, and with Keith Van Horn still technically a member of their team, the Nets signed four players for camp anyway. One of them - Awvee Van Storey - has already been waived, but Julius Van Hodge, Keith Eddie Van Gill and Keith Van Brian Van Hamilton survive. The Nets could really use a third point guard, and Gill fits that bit. Hodge does, too. Sort of. And one of them may well make it. The Nets still have 19 players on their roster, but one of them is Van Horn, who isn't in camp, and who only survives on the roster should a trade opportunity arise that needs his unguaranteed salary. Hamilton is another easy cut, for his minimal skill level isn't needed on a forward-heavy roster. And Maurice Ager's sole leverage is his guaranteed deal, for his play these first two years has been awful. With the depth chart against him, he too is an easy cut. That leaves a spot free for one of the two, if the Nets choose to add a third point guard. Given that they don't really even have two right now, they should. Sham's prediction: Gill.

- New Orleans has done the bench-with-veteran's-minimums thing that Denver so enjoys, and all but Sean Marks ($200,000) are guaranteed. With 14 players on a largely completed roster, the Hornets' only camp signings were point guard Jared Jordan and centre Courtney Sims. Sims was in the NBA last year at least, as Indiana signed and waived him about 40 times, whereas Jordan spent the year on the continent doing literally nothing. Working in Jordan's favour, though, is the fact that MVP candidate Mike James is the only point guard option behind Chris Paul that the Hornets have. Sham's prediction: Jordan, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was neither. They're not that good, after all.

- New York took pity on Allan Houston, signing him for camp, kind of like how you'd do to a particularly needy tramp. You pass by him on the way to work every morning for several months, but eventually his sheer persistence means that you buy him a cup of coffee one winter morning in exchange for a stream of gratitude, a stream of gratitude which, if not forthcoming, will lead to you never acknowledging his existence ever again. Houston won't make the team, and neither with Dan Grunfeld, but at least they get some free coffee and the attention of passers-by for a few minutes. Even minus those two, the Knicks need to make a cut. They have 16 players, with Patrick Ewing Jr on the outside looking in. The sentimentality factor of him making the team might be nice, but he's the only one without fully guaranteed money ($200,000 guaranteed only), who plays a position where Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler, Jared Jeffries and Quentin Richardson all play ahead of him. To get Ewing on the team, either Ewing has to play so well that the Knicks are willing to cut Anthony Roberson (despite his guaranteed contract and skillset useful to the team), the Knicks have to hope Stephon Marbury reignites all the bridges he's trying desperately to rebuild, or the Knicks have to cut their losses and pay Jerome James to piss off. Sham's prediction: The latter one is his best hope.

- Oklahoma City need a third point guard, and managed to find one with marginal NBA talent and local ties in former Rocket and fan of trilogies, John Lucas III. They also signed former Sixer and MP for Tyneside North, Derrick Byars, as well as minor league star and former giraffe, Chris Alexander. Sham's prediction: Why they signed Alexander is a mystery. Alexander's a late bloomer with massive bounce-flavouring numbers in the D-League, and so another shot at the league seems fair, but the Thunder don't have any players under 6'9, and adding one more seems unnecessary. Byars doesn't really add anything that Kyle Weaver and Damien Wilkins couldn't sort out between them. Lucas has the best chance to make the roster on depth chart alone, but I wouldn't be surprised or remorseful if they cut all three.

- Orlando's three signings all respresent good value and fringe NBA talent - forward Jeremy Richardson (who the Hawks seem to let walk unchallenged, for some reason), big man Dwayne Jones (who is one of my favourite offense-free centres, if only for the moustache and crooked smile), and Mike Wilks (the point guard version of Zendon Hamilton - an NBA calibre talent who everyone overlooks for some reason, and who bounces around for a few years getting looks with many teams, yet who never gets the multi year guaranteed contract that the law of averages should provide for them). Sham's prediction: Jones and Richardson picked a bad team to sign with, particularly Richardson, who has the ability to play in the NBA, but who is now on a team already heavy with small forwards. Jones offers no improvement over Marcin Gortat, so he won't make it either. Wilks should stick.

- Philadelphia committed like the champions that they are, signing Justin Reed, Maureece Rice, Jared Reiner, Antywane Robinson and Andre Emmett. Reed was then almost instantaneously replaced by minor league journeyman and author Cory Underwood, without a word as to why Reed didn't turn up. Underwood, Emmett and Rice have already been waived. Sham's prediction: An extra small forward wouldn't go amiss in Philly, who have the class of Andre Iguodala and Thaddeus Young at the position, but who have no emergency third stringer there. However, they could also use a good shooter, and Robinson isn't it. He just thinks he is. Reiner's best hope is for the Sixers to suffer another frontcourt injury, who have already lost J-Smoove Jason Smith for a hundred million years. If that happens, he can play emergency backup to the emergency backup incumbent, Theo Ratliff. Robinson probably has the advantage, but dammit, you need a guard that can shoot. There's plenty out there. Look harder.

- Phoenix brought in Robert Hite and Trey Johnson, to battle Sean Singletary for what will almost certainly be only one spot on the deep bench. This is assuming that the Suns only run with the minimum of 13 players, which history suggests that they will. They also brought in big man Coleman Collins, but I'm not sure what they want from him. Sham's prediction: Singletary will win. He's the slightly better player than Hite, and also the finances are in his favour. Singletary has $200,000 of his $442,114 guaranteed, and Hite is a second year player. So, if Hite were to make the team, it would cost Phoenix roughly $1.8 million (Hite's salary of $711,517, doubled for tax, plus Singletary's $200,000 guarantee also doubled for tax), more than double what it would cost to keep Singletary alone. And also because he's better.

- Portland's 15th and final spot is between rookie point guard and former world heavyweight champion Drederick Tatum, Luke Jackson, Shavlik Randolph and the mountain man Steven Hill. Again, points are to awarded for box ticking - between those four players, the Blazers have managed to cover every position, all manner of standards (ranging from "fringe NBA talent" to "complete project" via "who the hell is that?"), while also bringing in a hometown guy in Jackson. This is how you play the damn game. Sham's prediction: There's not a great deal of point in any of them, to be honest. I would like to see quite where Shavlik Randolph could do after two wasted seasons, but the Blazers don't need him and never will. The depth chart favours Jackson.

- Sacramento signed a random 26 year old Chinese player called Zhang Kai. You've never heard of Zhang Kai before. There's a reason for that. The Kings also signed Bobby Jones (YES! Chalk up another!) and Noel Felix (YES! Chalk up another!), apparently identifying the need for a small forward on the end of the bench. Sham's prediction: Depending on what happens with Shareef Abdur-Rahim, the Kings might have some wiggle room under the tax in the near future. But, if Shareef's contract isn't removed from the books after his recent retirement, then they won't. In that event, the Kings won't be able to afford either Jones or Felix without straying ever so slightly into tax territory. So even if either one of them did make the team, they'd be cut soon enough anyway. Jones is far more likely to make it, though, because he's by far the better player. Felix looked intriguing during his brief stint with the Sonics three years ago, but he hasn't done anything since then. He's now 27, and still with the holes in his game that he's always had. Jamario Moon doesn't strike twice. Also note: Zhang Kai has about as much chance of making the roster as I do of getting a front office job in the NBA. That is to say, no chance whatsoever.

- San Antonio kitted out their inactive list with some class. Salim Stoudamire ($200,000), Desmon Farmer (none), Darryl Watkins ($20,000), Devin Green (nada) and Anthony Tolliver ($200,000) all signed early to various levels of guaranteed money, and the Spurs then added to those with further camp signings in Brian Morrison and their second round draft pick Malik Hairston. (Note: Morrison was waived almost immediately for Charles Gaines.) Those seven players are fighting against each other for two spots, as the Spurs have 13 guaranteed contracts other than they, with only Jacque Vaughn being expendable. Sham's prediction: If only for the level of guaranteed money, Stoudamire and Tolliver are the front runners for the two spots, but Desmon Farmer has NBA talent and a modicum of experience. The Spurs don't need both Green and Hairston, and arguably don't need either. Watkins gives the Spurs some size and shotblocking, but they don't particularly need either right now. What they could use is another shooter, which looks doubly good for Stoudamire. Counting against Salim is his small stature, something which Farmer isn't burdened with. But the level of guaranteed money infers that the Spurs aren't too bothered about that. Gaines hasn't a chance.

- Toronto are a boring bunch of boring bastards, who originally vowed to go into camp with only the 13 players that they already had contract, but whom eventually plumped for a 14th in Jamal Sampson only when rookie centre Nathan Jawai was ruled out with heart trouble. Sham's prediction: The reason they didn't bring anyone in despite having two spots available is that the Raptors have run out of wiggle room below the tax threshold. For this reason, Sampson won't make it, and if he does, it won't be for very long.

- Utah brought in Gerry McNamara, Britton Johnsen (quickly replaced by Gabe Muoneke after Johnsen took an offer in the Ukraine) and Kevin Lyde for training camp. McNamara gets his first shot in the NBA after a decent college career led to a less than decent Euroepan career. Muoneke is a training camp veteran of the best part of a decade who still hasn't managed to make an NBA game. And Lyde is a fat guy who the Jazz had in training camp last year, whom they let go for beign fat, and who has managed to subsequently get even fatter. A strange training regimen. Speaking of fat people, isn't it high time someone at least enquired about Michael Sweetney? Sham's prediction: All three had to have known that there was simply no place for them on the Jazz roster, with 15 guaranteed contracts in place and no one likely to be cut or traded.

- Finally, Washington brought in four players to fight for one spot - Linton Johnson, Juan Dixon ($150,000 guaranteed), DerMarr Johnson and Taj McCullough. McCullough seemingly did enough with his 2.2 points and 2.0 rebounds averages during summer league play to earn a camp invite, but God knows what it was. The two Johnson's (giggidY) and Dixon (giggidy) are basically squaring off for the Wizards final roster spot - Dee Brown is only $125,000 guaranteed, but with so little point guard play in front of him, he has only himself to blame if he doesn't make it. Sham's prediction: Dixon makes it, unless the Wizards are suitably swayed by DerMarr Johnson's height in an otherwise small backcourt.

Summer signings, round 21

This edition of our fun and voluptuous Summer Signings is highlighted by the fact that there's almost no one in it that you've ever heard of. If all the players in this list get into 80 NBA games combined next season, I will be shocked. In fact, I'll be justifiably flummoxed if even three of them make a roster. It's a sparse'un this time. Onward.

- Casey Jacobsen has signed with ALBA Berlin in Germany. In a previous blog post, I asked semi-mockingly for someone to do some research into which players have been to the German league and still been able to come back to the NBA. Two people mentioned Jacobsen, who was the German league finals NBA in 2007 before spending last season on the bench for the Memphis Grizzlies. This move completes the Grizzly German sandwich (giggidy), but it doesn't really undermine my insinuation that the German league is a bit shit, does it? Casey Jacobsen is all right, but a fringe NBA player. In between these two German stints, he scored 107 points on 115 shots in the NBA, as his jumpshot decided to take the year off. And now he's gone back to Germany where he'll probably star once again and become a champion of the serfs. What does this say about the German league? Basically nothing more than what I've already implied - it's a bit weak.

By the way, one of the two people who told me about C-Jake was an agent, who shall remain nameless. In Googling to see whether this nameless man is, or has even been, Casey Jacsobsen's agent, I found this search result:

"casey jacobsen girlfriend ipmessage lolita masturbation free pregnant women having sex"

So, something for everyone there.


- In a bizarre move, the likes of which have never previously been seen as interesting, the Suns and the Rockets swapped young guards D.J. Strawberry and Sean Singletary. This move is interesting (if you're a nerd) because it's a move that could save both teams money. The Rockets are trying to save money to be able to re-sign Carl Landry and Dikembe Mutombo without paying the lxury tax too much, if at all, and the Suns are trying to save money because they're the Suns. So in this deal, they may have both found what they were looking for. With the minimum of 13 players under contract once Goran Dragic officially signs his deal, the Suns depth chart is pretty much done, and Strawberry figured to be the last man on it again. However, as a second year player, he was to earn the minimum of $711,517, whereas a rookie on the minumum would earn only $442,114. Therefore, swapping Strawberry and Singletary saves the Suns the difference between those two sums ($269,403), doubled for tax ($538,806), and yet they lose nothing on the court, because neither player is going to take it. (Note: Singletary's salary is only partially guaranteed, contrary to what it says elsewhere on this webshite, but he'll make the team anyway, because if he doesn't, they'll have to pay someone else as well.) The Rockets meanwhile take on the more expensive player, but Strawberry's contract is not guaranteed, and so they save the whole of Singletary's salary, while also losing nothing on the court. It's all very interesting stuff if you're the kind of person that will forego a social life and regular sex in order to reinvest that time into calculating Greg Buckner's trade kicker.

(Note: If the Rockets keep Strawberry, then forget I said anything.)


- Joe Crawford has signed with the Lakers for training camp where he can once again do what he did in summer league and outplay Coby Karl. While challenging Tim Duncan to a fight.

- Kaniel Dickens has signed with Napoli, in Italy. See how obsure the list is this time around? Kaniel Dickens represents one of the bigger name players on it. At least he actually played in the NBA last year. That's more than what this next fella did.

- Mario Kasun and Barcelona have mutually agreed to terminate his contract. I don't know why, but we can speculate wildly. Maybe he doesn't think he was being paid enough. Maybe he wasn't getting enough minutes, in his own opinion. Or maybe he had a fight with Andre Barrett. Actually, yeah, it's that.

- Orien Greene has signed for MyGuide Amsterdam. And, if anyone out there should need a guide to Amsterdam....start with the cafes, follow the stench of sex, and work backwards. Soon enough you'll find a 70 year old woman seated in a shop's front window dressed in nothing but stockings and a suspender belt, knitting. As national identities go, it certainly pisses our one of fish and chips, Amy Winehouse, an arbitrary powerless monarchy and drizzle.

- Rod Benson has signed with SLUC Nancy in France. I don't know what the SLUC stands for, but if you change the last letter slightly and put it all in lower case while still suffixed with "Nancy", then it makes for quite a realistic soubriquet for the aforementioned 70 year old woman seated in a shop's front window dressed in nothing but stockings and a suspender belt, knitting.

- Sean Marks has signed for the New Orleans Hornets. How the hell does he do it? He's not a bad player by any means, but...well, he's never really done anything, has he? And yet he's now about to start the ninth year of his NBA career. 8 years, 127 games, 391 points, and still more offers of work. Just doesn't make sense. But fair play to him nonetheless.

- Memphis signed Hamed Haddadi, the only player in the Olympics to average a double double. Another fine move by a fine organisation.

- The trail blazing Portland Trail Blazers signed their 15th, 16th and 17th men in Luke Jackson, Steven Hill and Jamaal Tatum, albeit not necessarily in that order. I have already rambled about Jackson, and have nothing to say about the other two, so that's the end of that torrent of NBA insight. Quick! We're near the end!

- And finally, former Clippers guard and ABA journeyman Fred Vinson has returned to the Clippers as an assistant coach. After reading about this news, I faffed about for a while, and then went to bed. Yet clearly the news had a lasting effect on me, because I then proceeded to dream about Fred Vinson. I dreamt that me, Fred Vinson and Fred Vinson's wife, Mrs Fred Vinson (I don't even know if she exists) were out to dinner in a restaurant. The three of us were huddled around a table designed only for two. I had a steak diane, Mrs Fred Vinson had soup, and Fred Vinson had a largely undistinguished plate of brown. There was laughter, merriment, and much guffawery. I can't remember a single topic of conversation, but dammit, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that I dreamt that I was out to dinner with Fred Vinson.

You don't want to be like me when you grow up.

Summer signings, round 19

The site went down for a few hours due to some problem with GoDaddy's Tomcat servers parsing information properly or some shit. The site's content was still there, but it just wouldn't let you see it. This problem has happened before, and by God, it'll happen again. That's what you get when you make cutbacks on running costs in order to be able to afford to run a website out of your own pocket without earning a single penny back in advertising revenue due to your carnal philanthropic desire to give the viewing public what they want. The tradeoff is occasional downtime. And run-on sentences.

Maybe one day we'll redesign the site in a new format, into one less archaic, more flexible and more reliable. Maybe we'll use a new URL. Maybe we'll use new automation and all that jazz. Maybe one day we'll have a focus group to plan all of this. Maybe all this has already happened. Who knows?

More importantly: Conway Twitty!!!! (And some signings news as well.)


- It has been announced that Demetris Nichols has re-signed with the Chicago Bulls. This news may have appeared on this site before. While I don't claim to have been the first to know this news, or to have tapped up Nichols himself or anything (giggidy), I'm still going to use it as some leverage for when I next need you to believe me on something. You are hereby forewarned.

- Devean George has agreed to sign with the Dallas Mavericks for the third time, after almost doing them a favour when he voided the first Jason Kidd trade back in February. It's also been announced that the Mavs don't plan on extending Kidd, which doesn't seem like a bad idea given how quickly Kidd's decline has become. However, the side effect of that is that the Mavericks are now in grave danger of having traded Devin Harris and two first round draft picks in what amounts to little more than a salary dump and Antoine Wright. That won't be pretty if it happens. Trading Kidd's mahoosive expiring at some point this year might not be a bad idea.

- Hey Bulls fans! Do you remember back when we had P.J. Brown's expiring contract, and were trying to use it as the main ingredient in a trade for Pau Gasol, but the deal was doomed to fail when outgoing Grizzlies General Manager Adam West decided that he wanted every decent young player in the Western world in exchange for Pau, rather than the salary savings offered up by Brown's contract? Do you remember how bitter we were when this didn't go down? Do you remember how much that bitterness was reaffirmed when, twelve months later, the Grizzlies changed their minds and traded Pau to the Lakers for what was, primarily, salary relief? Do you remember how we lambasted the Bulls' sexy General Manager John Paxson for not turning Brown's contract into at least someone useful? Do you remember how we particularly rued not trading for Donyell Marshall and Shareef Abdur-Rahim? Well, a quick update. Donyell was just waived by Oklahoma City with a year of his contract remaining, and he is basically done. Shareef is even more done - he has two (count 'em!) seasons remaining on his contract, coming off of a season in which he had 6 games, 10 points and 9 fouls total, and the cost of him not playing well will be $12.8 million over those two years. In hindsight, maybe now we can see why the Bulls were right not to deal P.J's expiring salary for any old shit, and were right to just let it expire and use the salary saving themselves. This rings particularly true when you consider how, right now, we're trying to tightrope the luxury tax while re-signing Ben Gordon. Food for thought there. (Also: the New Jersey Nets copped a lot of stick when they voided their agreement to trade for Shareef because of knee trouble found in his medical, despite Shareef having only missed I think one game the previous season with a knee problem. In hindsight....it looks like they were right.)

- From Donyell to Dorell: Dorell Wright re-signed with the Heat for a certain amount of money over a certain amount of years. For a few years now, Pat Riley and company have excitedly spoken excitedly about how excited they are about their new exciting athletic and exciting lineup, just to then resort to form and use old farts such as Alonzo Mourning, Antoine Walker and Jason Williams to win either the lottery or the NBA Championship. It was a cute act which got Smush Parker some guaranteed money. However, since most of the old guard has gone now, their vision of an athletic lineup is about to come to fruition, whether they like it or not. (Giggidy.) As things stand, the Heat's non-golfing front 9 are to be Mario Chalmers, Daequan Cook, Dwayne Wade, James Jones, Dorell Wright, Michael Beasley, Shawn Marion, Udonis Haslem and Mark Blount. Apart from Haslem and Blount, that's a lineup of all good jumpers, if not all good jumpshots. And even Blount moves pretty good for a centre. Deeper down the bench, there are yet more good atheltes to be found, with players such as Yakhouba Diawara, Marcus Banks, Joel Anthony and Stephane Lasme. The Heat have finally found an identity. Good for them.

- Speaking of the Heat and players and stuff, Earl Barron signed in Italy with Fortitudo Bologna. He wasn't young or athletic enough to fit in, I guess.

- JamesOn Curry didn't sign with Hapoel, but instead signed in France with Pau Orthez. The French league is never a particularly good place to sign if you want exposure, so I'll assume that the money's good.

- Luke Jackson is supposedly going to sign with the Blazers, and, for those who didn't know or care before now, Luke Jackson went to college at Oregon. So there's some ties there. Jackson's NBA up to now has sucked elephantitis testicles, but he's not entirely useless (or he wasn't, at least). It's getting harder and harder to say this after so many chances up until now, but maybe THIS is the time that Jackson finds his niche and is able to fashion out a career as a bench contributor. There's some ability in there, somewhere. Then again, if you saw him play for Miami last season, then you won't foresee such a breakout as being imminent. (Fun Luke Jackson fact: he's only played 724 minutes in his NBA career, and he's about to turn 27. But he did score 30 in a game once, despite only scoring 252 NBA points in his career. Fun fact. The downside of this - take away that one game, and Jackson is a career 33% shooter. Eep.)

- Petteri Koponen isn't going to sign with the Blazers this year, as he has signed with Virtus (not Fortitudo) Bologna instead. The contract is for four years, but has an NBA escape clause after each year. So he'll probably come over when Sergio Rodriguez buggers off. (I like Sergio Rodriguez. I think we all do. But he probably shouldn't have come straight away. Giggidy.)

- Theo Ratliff has re-signed with the Philadelphia 76ers, his former team of a few years ago. Theo will replicate the lynchpin role that Calvin Booth recently vacated, that of the crappy third string centre who'll only play when necessary, and who will block shots and foul with comparable frequency. It's a vital role for any team.

- Some bonus trivia for you here - former Pistons centre Ratko Varda is still alive and bricking, this week signing for Zalgiris in Lithuania (the only Lithuanian team that you've ever heard of.) Also, in even more bonus news, former lottery pick Sharone Wright is also still hanging about the world of professional basketball despite disappearing from these shores about 28 years ago. (And by "these shores", I mean the NBA.) Wright, whose NBA career was emphatically derailed by a serious car accident, has toiled away in the lower leagues of basketball since then, continuing to make a living. Now 35, he finds himself playing for the Eiffel Towers Den Bosch of the Netherlands league, where he's signed through to be an assistant coach for the next four years, and for whom he also still plays a bit. But I have no idea why there's a Dutch team called the Eiffel Towers. It's not like the Netherlands is short of its own cultural landmarks that can be used to flesh out their professional basketball club's names. Although admittedly the "Eiffel Towers" is a bit more romantic than the "Opium Dens". (Note to Dutch people: only joking! Lovely country. Nice people. Great accents. And those mid 90's Ajax teams were so legendary that I once wrote an English essay about them. And Arsenal goalkeeper David Seaman once signed my Ajax shirt. Both of those are true stories. Go Ajax. Go the Nedderlandsch. By the way, I've never actually been to the Hetherlands before, and am relying on the word of others for my opinion of the country's natural beauty. It's a bit like what I do with any opinions I have on O.J. Mayo.)


And now ladies and gentleman, Mr Conway Twitty.

Where Are They Now? Part 18

It has been brought to my attention that this series of posts is 'dull', 'uninformative' and 'gay'. This unholy trifecta is a bit upsetting - I figured I could lapse into at least one of the three by accident. But no, apparently that's all three strikes right there.

Still, if there's two things that I don't have, they are a willingness to accept negative criticism, and a social life. So a combination of the two will see this series continue in a slightly different way, that hopefully is more uplifting, more useful, and more heterosexual. (Also, regardless of whether other people like me doing it, I'M enjoying doing it. So nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo.)

Rudimentary stats for all players will now be added, where applicable. The act of doing this will probably drive me to suicide, if I am not already slain by the inevitable carpal tunnel that will come with it. But this is what champions do. They give up their bodies. (No wait, that's what whores do.) They show grit, and lay it all out there every day, willing to risk injury and/or humiliation for the team's greater good. They play the game the way that it should be played. They are heroes.

I am David Eckstein. You are Joe Morgan. I have absolutely no idea what I'm saying any more. Let's do this.

---

Daniel Horton is playing for Hyeres-Toulon in France, which sounds more like a semi-successful lawnmoer manufacturer. He left the D-League in mid February to sign there. I have no stats for him.

Quinton Hosley is playing for Pinar Karsiyaka in Turkey. You can try and figure out whatever the hell his stats are by clicking here. Fun Quentin trivia: the only three players to have played in the NBA with some variant of the name Quentin - Quentin Richardson, Quinton Ross, Quintin Dailey - have all played for the Clippers. Fun fact that I can't be arsed to verify.

Troy Hudson hasn't played since being waived by Golden State earlier this year due to injury.

DeeAndre Hulett - Raptors draft choice from 2000 and occasional answer to the trivia question "Who the hell is DeeAndre Hulett?" - has finished his whistlestop tour of Latin America, and is now in Germany, playing for Walter Tigers Tuebingen. He is averaging roughly 6 points and 2 and a half rebounds. And this is in Germany, lest we forget.

Ryan Humphrey spent the second half of last season with APOEL Nicosia in Cyprus, with whom he went to the giddying heights of the Cypriot finals. However, he has not played this season.

Brick Shithouse Brandon Hunter is playing for Angelico Biella in Italy. Whoever Angelico Biella is, she sounds hot. Hunter is averaging just over 12 points and just under 9 rebounds a game.

Jimmie "Snap" Hunter is playing for Polaris World Murcia in Spain. He is averaging 13.4 points and 1.9 assists a game.

Mile Ilic is playing for Bilbao of Spain, where he averages 6.8 points and 4.8 rebounds a game. No word on whether Nets fans still think he's the future or not.

Ersan Ilyasova is playing for Barcelona, whom you probably already know to be one of the world's better teams. Milwaukee still owns Ilyasova's rights. Ersan averages only 5.1 points and 2.8 rebounds a game.

Luke Jackson is playing for the Idaho Stampede of the D-League, averaging 13.3 points, 3.7 rebounds and 3.2 assists.

Marc Jackson was playing for Olympiakos in Greece, before they decided to release him due to his unwillingness to play defense. In his place, they signed Qyntel Woods, and also brought back from Sofoklis Schortsanitis from a health spa. But more on him later.

Jim Jackson is done.