Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 58

Be warned. This is the penultimate entry. (Giggidy.) If you feel like killing yourself after this, I can't really stop you, and I'm not sure I'd even advise against it.

- Donell Williams is a training camp signing of the Clippers in 2007 who hasn't done anything of note before or since. A 28 year old 6'3 guard, Williams spent his first two collegiate years at West Los Angeles Community College, before transferring to Fayetteville State for his final two years, averaging 15.7 points and 6.0 rebounds in his senior year, 2004-05. D-Will then went back to school for the 2005-06 season to complete his degree, even though he wasn't eligible to play for the basketball team. The following season, his basketball career finally started, with Williams now aged 26. Williams played in the 2006 JBL Pro-Am League, an incredibly unheard-of American minor league that takes place between April and May, in which he averaged 27 ppg, 16 rpg and 5 apg. He then did nothing for the next 16 months, between May 2006 and October 2007. And then he was somehow signed by the Clippers. After unsurprisingly not making the team, Williams went to the D-League, totalled 38 points and 21 rebounds in 18 games with the Bakersfield Jam, and was waived in January 2008. He hasn't played anywhere since.

Of all the random training camp signings we've had over the years - Brad Stricker, Ondrej Starosta, Rashid Byrd, Ajani Williams, etc - I think this one is the most random.

- Corliss Williamson retired in the 2007 offseason and became an assistant coach at Arkansas Baptist College. Whether he's still there or not, I can't tell. Here's a story he's in from a reunion of the 1994 Arkansas Razorbacks.

- Kevin Willis is now 46, and presumably not going to make another comeback. Then again, we fell for that once before. According to this story from October, Willis was running a custom jeans company called Willis & Walker. However, the company's website no longer exists, which doesn't bode well.

- Roderick Wilmont started the year with Solsonica Rieti in Italy, totalling 13 points and 10 fouls in three games, before moving to join Aliaga Petkim in Turkey. Wilmont has averaged 11.0 points and 2.4 rebounds in 20 games in the Turkish league.

- Kennedy Winston did the opposite, starting in Turkey and then leaving. K-Win averaged only 6.2 points and 3.3 rebounds in 16 games for Turk Telekom, before landing a plush gig at Real Madrid as the replacement for Quinton Hosley. Winston has totalled 6 and 3 in his two games there.

- DaShaun Wood averages 5.6 points, 2.1 rebounds and 3.5 assists for Benetton Treviso in the Eurocup. He has barely played for the team in the Italian league, presumably due to some rules limiting the amount of foreigner or something, but he has totalled 23 points, 20 assists and 18 rebounds in the 5 games he has played there.

- Loren Woods - the original L Train, so screw you Austin Carr - was waived by the Rockets this offseason due to a combination of their eternal tightness, the need for roster spots, and his overwhelming mediocrity. He then signed in Lithuania for Zalgiris Kaunsas, and averaged 12.3 points, 9.0 rebounds and 2.4 blocks in the Euroleague, 8.4/5.8/1.4 in the Lithuanian league, and 7.8/8.5/1.5 in the Baltic league. He left the club in December after the near-bankrupt team released all its foreign players in a bid to stay solvent. Woods then signed in Zaragoza (a Spanish city with a tiny airport, albeit with a funky roof), and has averaged 13.0 points and 10.0 rebounds in his two games for the team. To think that I passed within a few miles of Loren Woods recently and didn't know about it. Oh the shame.

- Qyntel Woods started the season with Fortitudo Bologna, and averaged 12.9 points, 3.9 rebounds and 3.0 steals per game in the Italian league, alongside 14.3 ppg and 4.3 rpg in the Eurocup. He then left in January and signed with Prokom Sopot, for whom he has averaged 11.3 points and 3.7 rebounds in the Polish league, alongside 12.2 points and 3.0 rebounds in the Euroleague.

- Bracey Wright started the year with DKV Joventut Badalona, where he averaged 14.0 points, 2.6 rebounds and 2.6 assists in the Spanish league, alongside 12.1 points and 2.8 rebounds in the Euroleague, before being released by the team at the start of the year after he missed a few games due to "family issues". A bit of a soap opera then unfolded; it was widely reported that Wright had signed with KK Zadar in Croatia, but he hadn't, and he eventually re-signed with the team he played for last year, Aris Thessaloniki. However, that was 6 weeks ago, and Wright still hasn't played for them yet due to conditioning problems. This article says that the team might replace him.

- Finally, former Pacers draft pick Rashad Wright is in Germany, playing for ALBA Berlin, a team absolutely stacked with Americans who managed to make it impressively far in this year's Euroleague before becoming completely overmatched. Wright averaged 8.8 points, 2.6 rebounds and 2.4 assists in Euroleague play, along with 8.3 points, 3.3 rebounds and 2.3 assists in the German league, while being part of a fearsome backcourt rotation that also features Casey Jacobsen, Immy McElroy and Julius Jenkins. Yeahhh, you're quaking.

Summer signings, round 5

I am going to make these have a stronger pertinence to actual NBA players, and not just really shit players with vague NBA associations. This is partly because of people's perceived lack of interest in these posts, but also because I'm running out of jokes about people that I barely know. If I'm honest, it's mainly this second one.

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- Mario Austin has signed with Besiktas in Turkey, where he will probably be the finest player in the land bar none, while playing no defense whatsoever. Such is how he rolls.

(Wait, hang on, he's never played in the NBA. Oh well, never mind. He could do, he might still do, I like him, he's on this site, and that's what matters.)

- Houston Rockets draft pick Brad Newley has swapped difficult-to-spell Greek teams, going from Panionios to Panellinios. His brief reign as "The Most Exciting Second Round Pick To Come Out Of Australia" lasted one year before being topped by Nathan Jawai, who, unlike Newley, might actually be quite good. Well, so I'm told.

- C.J. Miles of the Utah Jazz has been signed to an offer sheet by the Oklahoma City Showertraps. The news itself is uninteresting, but it sets some first: the signing is the first in the history of the new Oklahoma City franchise (hooray!), and also the first non-minimum free agency signing that GM Sam Presti has made. The only previous ones were non-guaranteed minimum deals to Mike Wilks (there for 20 days), Eddie Gill (there for 10 days), Jermaine Jackson (there for training camp only), and Ronald Dupree (the last few games of the season). That right there represents no pedigree - no list of basketball players with Mike Wilks as the best player can ever be considered a good list. As for Miles, his offer sheet is for 4 years and $15 millionish, which is clearly way too much for a man who showed little in three years. If Presti's reasoning was to bid enough that Utah would not match, he's certainly gotten that right.

- Carlos Delfino has signed a lucractive contract with Khimky in Russia, whom you will have heard of from reading about the signing of Milt Palacio in Part 2. This article talks about the financial benefits of this move for Delfino, but importantly fails to mention the fact that Delfino would never get paid that much in the NBA because he's not a very good NBA player. And that factors. (Khimky seems to only sign ex-Raptors, with Delfino, Palacio, Jerome Moiso and potentially Jorge Garbajosa on their roster for next season. So maybe there's hope for Juan Dixon.)

- Craig Smith has agreed to re-sign with Minnesota for two years, in what appears to cynical eyes to be an unsubtle bid for unrestricted free agency at the earliest possible opportunity. It's a damn shame that Craig Smith is stuck in Minnesota. I say that not because of some blind hatred for the Timberwolves, but because it means Smith is stuck playing behind Al Jefferson, the one man you wouldn't want to play him alongside. (By the way, are Kevin Love and Al Jefferson really going to work together? Can we get an answer from that from someone named McHale? I'm not saying that they can't, but it's kind of vital, you know? And how the hell did Brian Cardinal, Jason Collins, Calvin Booth and Mark Madsen wind up on the same team? That's a spectacular conflagration of shitness.)

- D'Or Fischer has signed for Maccabi Electra in Israel. I'm not sure that even I care about that one.

- New Jersey have signed both Eduardo Najera and Jarvis Hayes, which is upspetting on a personal leve, because it means that my Andres Nocioni and Cedric Simmons for Keith Van Horn and Stromile Swift trade idea is basically down the crapper now. (Feasibilities from the Nets point of view, be damned. Like this was ever about them.)

- Loren Woods - waived by the Rockets last week - has signed with Zalgiris in Lithuania. I enjoyed his fleeting comeback, though. And Jelani McCoy's.

- Patrick O'Bryant has signed with the Boston Celtics, who appear to have tightened up the pursestrings. With James Posey signed elsewhere and with all their other free agents not expected back, the Celtics now have no bench. This, therefore, seems like a weird signing - with no veteran point guard, no veteran big man and no backup swingman worth a damn, they go out and get Patrick O'Bryant? (Well, OK. Everyone needs a project 7 footer, I suppose. Just as long as they actually remember the other bits too.)

- Toronto signed Roko Ukic to be their new backup point guard, but I can't help but wonder at his NBA.com profile picture.



- The Lakers did not match Golden State's offer sheet to Ronny Turiaf, and for those keeping score at home, the Warriors offseason currently reads like this.

In: Corey Maggette, Ronny Turiaf, Anthony Randolph, Bobby Brown
Out: Baron Davis, Matt Barnes, Mickael Pietrus, Patrick O'Bryant,
Undetermined: Kelenna Azubuike (possibly going), Monta Ellis (will be staying barring disaster), Andris Biedrins (ditto), Dick Hendrix, C.J. Watson

Given that they've bid on pretty much everybody so far, it isn't going too well. When you have eight players heading for free agency, should your second signing really be a backup big man, when you only have one real guard under contract? And that price (4 years, $17 million)? Strange.

Also, the Warriors are reported as considering making a bid for Philadelphia restricted free agent Louie Williams. (Note: people with the name "Louis" but who don't pronounce the "S" should not be allowed to spell it like that. I'm indignant on this.) This, too, seems odd: aside from Nate Robinson, I can't think of a worse person to pair with Ellis. So the Warriors offseason still has ways to go.

- Finally tonight, in the only real news that matters, the Milwaukee Bucks signed Malik Allen and Tyronn Lue, reuniting Malik with former head coach and profound Malik Allen fan, Scott Skiles. Cute. But, as for the Tyronn Lue signing.....not so sure. What was the point for either party? Lue had other suits, some of whom were offering more money, more minutes, and more wins than the Bucks. So why does he choose Milwaukee? (Readers note: The correct answer is "the lure of Malik Allen.") Also, why does Milwaukee sign Tyronn Lue, when they have Maurice Williams as the incumbent starter, and Ramon Sessions as a promising backup? If they're going to use Lue solely as a third string, then they've got themselves a high quality third string point guard, so well done them. But why not sign a point guard with some good defense? (And no, I'm not advocating the re-signing of Royal Ivey. I said good defense.) Lue replicates a lot of the skill set from those in front of him, except without the passing. In that respect, it doesn't make a lot of sense.

Then again, not a lot has made sense so far this offseason. And at least they didn't overpay.