Where Are They Now, 2010; Part 9

- Michael Bramos

After going undrafted out of Miami Ohio, Bramos played for the Pistons in summer league, and played pretty well. He then used his Greek heritage and Greek passport to go to Greece, where he is signed with Peristeri. Unfortunately, his first professional season is not going well. Bramos averages only 5.1 points, 1.7 rebounds, 1.1 assists and 2.7 fouls in 21 minutes per game, shooting 34% from the field. As was documented here, Peristeri have had some turnover with their imports this year, and it doesn't help that those documented two haven't played well either. But more on that later.



- J.R. Bremer

Earl is in Russia this year, played for Samara. He's averaging 11.8 points, 5.8 and 3.1 rebounds per game in the Russian league, alongside 4.8 points, 6.3 rebounds and 3.3 rebounds per game in the EuroChallenge. However, he hasn't brought his jumpshot with him to Russia; Bremer is shooting only 30% from three in the Russian league, and only 12% in the EuroChallenge, which explains his very low scoring output there. Did you realise it was 7 years ago that he was a starter for the Celtics? Me neither. Makes a man feel old.

J.R. Bremer fact: J.R. Bremer has a Bosnian passport. Is he actually Bosnian? No. Does he have any Bosnian heritage? No. Has he ever been there before? Actually, yes; Bremer played in Sarajevo for three months in early 2007, and won the Bosnian regular season title. Apparently that was enough.

For a longer list of player's nationalities, including the weird ones, visit this page.



- Jamison Brewer

After two years out of the game, Brewer has returned to play professionally in Brazil. As far as I can tell, Brewer has played 1 game for his team Pinheiros, totalling 30 minutes, 17 points, 4 rebounds, 1 assist, 0 tocos, 0 enterradas and 2 errors. I'm guessing those latter three mean steals, blocks and turnovers. God bless Google translate.

If Jamison Brewer, Jamison Brewer's agent, Jamison Brewer's representatives or Jamison Brewer's family members are reading this, please contact me by email, because someone wants me to help them return some personal artefacts to him.



- Tierre Brown

Tierre Brown is unsigned, and last played in January when he was playing for the Anaheim Arsenal. Brown was averaging 15.8 points, 5.2 assists and 3.7 turnovers per game for Anaheim, shooting 53% from the field and 20% from three point range, before The Arse waived him due to injury. He hasn't been heard from since.



- P.J. Brown

P.J. Brown is retired. Properly, this time.

P.J. Brown fact: P.J. Brown finished ahead of Kobe Bryant in the MVP voting in the 2004-05 season. That was the season that Kobe Bryant shared a backcourt with Tierre Brown. Kobe averaged 28/6/6 that year and didn't receive a single MVP vote; no one felt he was one of the most five valuable players in the league that year. Yet someone felt that P.J. Brown and Shawn Marion were. All right.



- Kedrick Brown

Brown was out of the game for the best part of three years between 2004 and 2007, but spent the last two years before this one in the D-League with the Anaheim Arsenal. Last year he averaged 17.9 points, 6.7 rebounds and 2.7 assists, and this year he's moved to Turkey to play for Bornova. He is averaging 16.9 points, 5.8 rebounds, 2.8 steals, 1.5 steals and 0.7 blocks per game, shooting 62% from two point range, 63% from the free throw line, and 29% from three point range. For some reason he's known as Albert Brown over there.



- Damone Brown

Like Tierre Brown, Damone Brown was in the D-League last year, but is not anywhere now. He started the season with the Reno Bighorns, the first player ever acquired by the expansion franchise, and averaged 15.8 points and 7.3 rebounds in 29 games for the team. However, he was released by the team in February after being arrested and charged with money laundering, after a safety deposit box that he was leasing was found to be being used to stash the proceeds of a local drug lord. Here's some kind of official document about his arrest. As I can find no evidence either way that he was acquitted, convicted, or anything of that nature, then I will assume that the case is still ongoing until proven otherwise.

Brown has not signed anywhere after being released, and while he did attend the Korean Basketball League's pre-draft camp in Vegas in the summer, he was not drafted by any Korean team.



- Denham Brown

Like T-Air and Damone above, Denham played in the D-League last season. He started the year with the Dakota Wizards but didn't do brilliantly, averaging 12.9 points, 3.8 rebounds and 2.8 assists in 31 minutes per game, but scoring only 103 points on 98 shots. He was then waived due to injury and reappeared three months later with the Iowa Energy, where he did a bit better, averaging 14.6 points and 4.9 rebounds in 30 minutes per game. He has not signed anywhere this season until this point, but this week he travelled to Venezuela to sign with a team called Marinos. The Venezuelan league does not start for another two months, however.



- Dee Brown

Brown is in Italy and he's having a strong year. On the season he is averaging 18.0 points, 4.9 assists, 2.7 rebounds and 1.6 steals in 30.4 minutes per game, for an Air Avellino team with a 7-5 record. Avellino tried out someone called Jimmy Bartolotta this October, a graduate of MIT who play in NCAA's Divison 3. This isn't related to Dee Brown, really, but it would have made an interesting story had it worked out. I can't think of anyone else who went from Division 3 straight to SerieA. Very very very few go from Divison 3 to the NBA, either.



- Elton Brown

Brown didn't have a good year last year. After tearing up the D-League in 2007-08, Brown signed with the Chicago Bulls for 2008 training camp, but then performed something awful in preseason and was released. (Not that it would have mattered; Darius Washington had an awesome preseason, yet he was waived too in favour of Michael Ruffin, who had missed all preseason with an ankle injury and who never played for the team.) Brown then went to Maccabi Tel-Aviv, yet he fell victim to the same regime change as Esteban Batista did, and barely played for the team. Things perked up at the end of the season when Brown joined up with Brose Baskets Bamberg in Germany, and he's still there, averaging 9.1 points and 5.6 rebounds this season.

Count The Germans; Two. In an eleven man rotation.



- Andre Brown

Andre Brown is in China, playing for the Zhejiang Wanma Cyclones. This season he is averaging the gaudy numbers of 28.5 points, 8.8 rebounds, 4.8 assists, 2.5 steals and 0.1 blocks in 33 minutes per game, shooting 49% from the field, 46% from three point range and 89% from the foul line.

Those numbers are about as un-Andre Brown as you can get. Those are the numbers of an elite small forward, and Andre Brown is a power forward. He's athletic, no doubt, but he's never been a shooter. Brown is athletic, no doubt, but he's never made a three pointer before this season. Not in the D-League, not in the NBA, not in Italy, not in Turkey, not in the Adriatic league, nor in college. And now suddenly he's 13-28 from there in 8 games.

Even more impressive is the foul shooting; historically, Brown has been a pretty freaking terrible free throw shooter. He never shot more than 55% in college, shoots 50% from there for his NBA career, is shooting 51% from there in his D-League career, shot 55% from there in Turkey last season, shot 40% from there in the Philippines in 2005....etc. Yet this season in China, he's sudden;y shooting 61-68. His free throw stats game by game read like this;

9-9
3-4
7-8
9-10
8-8
5-8
9-9
11-12

That couldn't be much more jarringly different to the rest of his professional career. Nor could the steals count (Brown has 21 in his 30 game D-League career, 14 in his 75 game D-League career, and grabbed all of 12 in Turkey last year, yet we're now expected to believe that he can grab 20 in 8 Chinese games) or the assists (36 all time in the D-League, 11 in the NBA, 7 in his senior season at DePaul, 14 his junior year, 16 in Turkey, etc). Somehow, we're supposed to buy that Brown has gone from an offensively inclined yet terribly bad shooting rebounding power forward, into a do-it-all small forward superstar, in less than the length of a domestic pig's gestation period.

There's only one conclusion to draw here; it's not actually Andre Brown, and someone's pulled the old bait and switch on an unknowing Zhejiang. Has to be. Either that, or Andre Brown just corrected all his flaws in one offseason aged 28 years old. This is pretty dumbfounding stuff.



- Keith Brumbaugh

Brumbaugh is spending a second season in the D-League. For the Sioux Falls Skyforce, he is averaging 14.9 points, 4.9 rebounds, 2.1 assists and 1.6 steals in 31 minutes per game, shooting 45% from the field and 32% from three point range. However, he's also turning it over 3.1 times a game in that time, and is still far from the finished article. The D-League is designed for players with potential that aren't the finished article, but Brumbaugh's window will shut soon if he's not careful, as he's already 24 years old. You can't have potential forever.




And now for the fail.

In searching for all that information, I found something I wish I had never found. One of the above mentioned players has a video of themselves online, walking around a room bragging about their genitalia, and then presenting said genitalia (in a excited state) to the camera lens. What makes it worse is that the player in question is wearing nothing but longjohns and a fishing hat.

I'm not going to republish the video, because this isn't TMZ. I'm telling you about it purely because a problem shared is a problem halved, and watching that video was truly problematic. But it's not material fit for this website. I would quite like to be thought of as a serious news source and intelligent analyst with a mild sense of humour, and not as a basketball version of perezhilton.com. This whole website is designed to be my CV, intending to prove the following facts to onlooking NBA people;

a) I am really, really, really, really really really reallyreallyreally ridiculously passionate about basketball.

b) This obsession has manifested itself into a finite understanding of the CBA and an expansive knowledge of several thousand basketball players around the club, particularly everyone relevant to the NBA landscape.

Because that's the dream job, really. To do what I do here, now, for a living; to be the guy in the back of the front office who knows a bit about everybody and will happily work 75 hour weeks doing the dirty work. That's what I want; that's why I do all this. It's all interspersed with pictures of funny moustaches and bad wordplay gags and things like that, but that's just to make it easier on the eye. The knowledge is what really matters, as is my desire to be taken seriously. [This would be a bad moment for you to stifle a giggle.] And the only way to do that is to commit fully to this website.

It is for that reason why Mr X's alarming moment of self-indulgence will not be reproduced here. I don't want the notoriety. Not THAT kind of notoriety, anyway.

However, the discovery of the video is still important, because it's pretty reckless of the player. Seriously. Think it through. I'm sitting here in my bedroom in rural middle class England, and without intending to, I've seen your penis. If I can do it by mistake, then anyone can. And if anyone can, that's could possibly have some serious repercussions on your basketball career. The video was clearly filmed with comic intent for the select viewing of your friends, but the internet is one big community whether we want it to be or not, and your control over who sees what is pretty minimal. This was proven by the fact that I found it, and all I was looking for was some interesting trivia. The video of you manipulating yourself in a fishing hat could possibly have absolutely no effect on your potential career, but it also may be hugely detrimental. Why take the chance? I'm not taking a chance on my future career by putting it here, and you shouldn't take a chance on your future career by putting your business online. We both stand to gain nothing but a cheap laugh. And cheap laughs are never worth it.

So, please. No more penises and fishing hats.

Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 7

- Cedric Bozeman is playing for The Arse in the D-League, where he averages 17.9 points, 6.1 rebounds and 2.9 assists, where he plays the off-guard to Tierre Brown's point. (Brown averages 14.4 points and 4.6 assists.) But the best Cedric Bozeman news of all is that he is 22-51 from behind the three point line, for a 43% average. This isn't exactly a massive sample size to be working off, and it does come from the man who shot 21% on three pointers in Poland last season, but it may be a sign that Bozeman's jumpshot might not be too big of a weakness any more. With a decent jumpshot, Bozeman has a chance to be vaguely interesting to NBA teams. His first go around with the Atlanta Hawks wasn't pretty, as he shot 28% in 23 games and had a 1:1 assist/turnover ratio. But teams love their tall point guards, and even though Bozeman isn't playing point guard right now, he could. Any evidence of his development as a scorer can only help his case.

- Michael Bradley opted not to play this season. And maybe never again. Here's why.

- Shawn Bradley retired ages ago and, at last count, now works in a school.

- Torraye Braggs has played basically everywhere, and, until last week, was playing in Mexico with Pioneros de Quintana Roo-Cancun. Apparently he only plays on teams with awesome names, because before Pioneros de Quintana Roo-Cancun, Braggs was playing for a team in Jordan called, simply, "Orthodox". Before that, he played in Iran for Petrochimi Imam Harbour. Before that, it was ASK Riga in Latvia (less awesome, but a suitably random country), and before that came Maccabi Ironi Ramat Gan in Israel and the Qingdao Double Stars in China. If there's an insignifcant basketbal league featuring teams with great names, and the money isn't too bad, Torraye Braggs will find it.

- J.R. Bremer is playing for Triumph in Russia (them of the Nenad Krstic thing), where he averages 12.0 points, 4.2 rebounds and 3.8 assists. He also is now a Bosnian passport holder, something that he seemingly managed to obtain on the basis of the 5 games that he played for Bosna Sarajevo last season. Does that seem a bit off to you? Yes, me too. But, crucially for Bremer, that passport makes it easier for him to be signed in Europe, as it allows him to be technically a European, thus facilitating his move into any league with a maximum number of Americans policy. And Bremer at least actually plays for the Bosnian national team. But, five games? Seriously? Can someone please have some shame about this?

- Last time we checked in with Jamison Rudy Van Brewer, he was out of basketball. Guess what? He still is.

- Primoz Brezec averages 9.9 points and a piddly 3.5 rebounds for Lottomatica Roma. More importantly, he has got rid of the effeminate curtains.

- I've already spoilt any suspense that you may have been looking for regarding the whereabouts Tierre Brown. Sorry about that.

- P.J. Brown says he has retired. Again. Do you believe him? This time, yes I do.

- Kedrick Brown started this season with a brief stint in China, before returning to the D-League. Like basically everyone else in this post, Brown plays for The Arse, where he averages 9.6 points and 4.8 rebounds in only 5 games.

- Damone Brown is back in the D-League, still trying to make the NBA once again. Playing for a poor Reno Bighorns team (giggidy), Brown averages 16.6 points, 8.0 rebounds, and a rather high 4.3 fouls.

- Finally, Denham Brown started this season by not bothering to show up for Canada's training camp, before joining Dakota in the D-League. Brown was then waived in December due to injury. No, Toronto Raptors fans, you are not about to sign him.

Where Are They Now? Part 6 (The Browns)

T-Air Brown is playing for Varese of the Italian league, and avergaing about 11 points and 3 assists. I was going to include statistics for everybody before I realised that I couldn't bothered, so there's Tierre's as a compromise of sorts.

Kedrick Brown, who was waived by the Sixers in February 2005 and who hadn't taken a basketball job since, is finally back playing, in the D-League, for The Arse (Anaheim Arsenal). Where he was in the mean time is unclear, but, depending on who you believe, he wasn't an alcoholic.

Perennial training camp hopeful Damone Brown has made his way to the Dutch league, playing for the Eiffel Towers Den Bosch. Why they are thus named is not immediately clear, but with this stint in Holland, Damone Brown has now officially played "everywhere". Even Utah. So well done him.

Denham Brown is playing for Tisettanta Cantu in the Italian league.

Dee Brown is playing for Galatasaray in Turkey, as mentioned before.

"Never Gonna Keep Me Down" Elton Brown is being firmly kept down by Hapoel Holon of the Israeli league.

Bobby Brown - no music career jokes please, because they aren't funny - is playing for ALBA Berlin, who are in Berlin. Which is in Spain. Seriously.

Rick Brunson is "Director Of Men's Basketball Operations" at the University of Virginia. What he does with the women's basketball team is anybody's guess.

Rodney Buford is playing for Azovmash in the Ukraine, after recently coming off of his fifth career suspension for waccy baccy smoking, this latest suspension three months in length. Time to re-think your lifestyle choices maybe, Rodney.

Pat Burke is playing for Kihmsky Moscow in the Russian League.

Antonio Burks was playing in the basketball Mecca that is the Bulgarian league, until November. Then he got suspended by FIBA for a year. Apparently his decision to walk out on his previous team - Red Star Belgrade - was deemed unlawful. Not knowing most of the facts of the case, I'm tempted to support Burks's decision to do so since the team hadn't paid him for a month. But, hey ho, what do I know. Unjust punishments for the win!

Kevin Burleson is playing for Mersin Buyuksehir Belediyesi in Turkey.

Jackie Butler hasn't been heard from since Houston waived him this October. But the chances are that some people will still tell you that he's a future starting centre in the NBA.



In answer to someone's question of "are you really going to go through the entire alphabet, 12 at a time?", the answer is yes.