- You did it! You did it! You waited for your Alexander Johnson news! Be proud of yourself, and then proceed to hate me, as I tell you that there isn't any. Johnson started the year in Germany with Brose Baskets Bonn, totalled 11.5 points, 6.5 rebounds and 3.4 fouls in 11 German league games, before leaving last month and being replaced (sort of) by Dan Dickau. Johnson is now unsigned, but, in better news, Dickau has scored 37 points combined in the two games that he's been there.
- Jumaine Jones was suspended from European basketball for a year in September by FIBA, for the weird yet wonderful crime of signing contracts with two different teams at the same time; one with Alyssa Milano, and one with Ural Great Perm in Russia. However, he's been playing for the greatly named Great Perm anyway, averaging 6.5 points and 4.6 rebounds in Russian league play. How that is possible, I don't know - Russia is in kind of both Europe and Asia, depending on which you want to count it as at any given moment. However, Great Perm have played in both the Eurocup and EuroChallenge this season, and, as the names would suggest, those are European competitions. Yet Jumaine has been playing in them, averaging 9.1 points and 5.8 rebounds in the EuroChallenge. Any answers as to how this is possible?
- Eddie Jones was bought out by the Pacers in preseason after being traded from the Mavericks, and hasn't been heard from since.
- Dwayne Jones went to training camp with the Magic, didn't make it, went to Turkey with Efes, played two games, scored 1 point, grabbed 1 rebound, came back to America, signed with the Bobcats, averaged 2 and 2 in 6 games, got waived, went to the D-League, was acquired by the Iowa Energy, played one game, scored one point, grabbed one rebound, got traded to the Idaho Stampede, and has since averaged 12.9 points, 10.6 rebounds and 1.9 blocks through 8 games. That sentence is more fun if you take all 16 commas out.
- Amazingly, there isn't an update on former Orlando Magic guard Mark Jones, a player so obscure that not even Orlando Magic fans have heard of him. Jones still hasn't played since a stint in the Ukraine in 2006, and now that he's about to turn 34, there probably won't be another one.
- In a fourteenmonth period from September 2007 to November 2008, Bobby Jones played on 12 different teams. Having spent the whole previous season with the Philadelphia 76ers, Jones was traded to the Denver Nuggets in the offseason Reggie Evans/Steven Hunter swap. He made it through until the January contract guarantee date before being waived by Denver, at which point he started travelling again. Jones soon signed a ten day contract with the Grizzlies, but didn't get a second one, and went to the D-League with the Sioux Falls Skyforce. After nearly a month and 5 games there, Jones earned another ten day contract with the Houston Rockets, but again a second wasn't forthcoming. Jones then instantly signed a ten day contract with the Heat, and this time re-signed to a second one, but unfortunately didn't get signed for the remainder of the season. By this time, however, he was probably used to that. Another ten day contract followed, with yet another team (the Spurs), and after that one expired, Jones wound up back where it all started, signing a contract through the end of the season and with an unguaranteed 2008/09 season with the Nuggets again. Unfortunately, that still wasn't it for Bobby; he was traded to the Knicks along with Taurean Green in exchange for Renaldo Balkman, and then waived almost instantly by the Knicks. BJ subsequently re-signed with the Heat after summer league, but didn't even make it as far as training camp, being waived in August. Never fear, though, for Jones did make it to an NBA training camp, this time with another new team, Sacramento. But Jones didn't make the cut there either, and has since buggered off back to the Skyforce, where he has managed to enjoy the relative job security of 25 games in a row with the same team. (Phewph. That was harder to write than to read, I promise.) For the Skyforce, Jones averages 15.1 points and 7.8 rebounds; decent numbers, but not good enough for another 10 day contract. Yet.
- Alvin Jones's tale is far easier to tell - he's unsigned.
- Jared Jordan went to training camp with the Hornets, failed to make the cut on a team with an open roster spot and a desperate need for a point guard, and then disappeared off the map for a bit. In December, Jordan reappeared, and was acquired by the Rio Grande Valley Vipers, yet earlier this month he was waived due to a high ankle sprain that was due to keep him out for two weeks. But he'll be back. Jordan averaged 8.6 points and 6.2 assists in what little time he managed.
- Antoine Jordan started the season nailed to the bench for the Tulsa 66ers, then left the team in December and went to the seminal Dutch league. In 2 games for the mighty Matrixx Magix of Nijmegen, Jordan averages 12.0 points and 5.5 rebounds, due solely to the highly competitive and truly classy nature of the Dutch league.
- Zhang Kai, as expected, went back to China after not making the Kings roster out of training camp (surprisingly!). For the DongGuan New Century - the team that he's been with since roughly conception age - Zhang averages 19.9 points and 9.6 rebounds, making him arguably the best Chinese player under the age of 30 other than Yao Ming.
- Finally, two players you don't know or care about. The Spurs and Blazers are often lauded for their draft choices, which often yield talent unbefitting of the draft spot from which they were picking. They get a few "steals" in this way. Unfortuantely, these two weren't two of them. Portland's Federico Kammerichs is a soon-to-be-29 year old extremely bearded forward, who is playing in the powerhouse known as the Argentinian league. For the irrepressible Regatas Corrientes, Otacon averages 13.4 points and 10.7 rebounds, numbers that sting your eyes with their unrelenting sex appeal and briliance. Meanwhile, the Spurs's Sergei Karaulov is comparably brilliant, as the soon-to-be-27 year old extremely unbearded centre is playing for Nizhny Novgorod, a team in the Russian second division. If you're really that bothered, you can work out his averages for yourself from this confusing dribble. Here's a starting point; he's number 15. Hope this helps.
- Andre Owens signed with Red Star Belgrade, which kind of answers my question about whether you'd rather have Horace Jenkins or Alex Scales . The answer is apparently neither. Good answer.
- The Lakers signed Brandon Heath for training camp. Heath did a decent job pretending to be a point guard for the Clippers' summer league team this season, and by "did a decent job", I mean "put up 3 assists and 13 turnovers in 5 games". (For what it's worth, he looked better than those numbers do. Although that's not hard.) They also signed C.J. Giles, taking their training camp roster up to 18 players already, and with an offer to Didier Ilunga-Mbenga still out there. They are also supposedly working out Jelani McCoy, so clearly they're looking for a tall crappy centre. All of this means that there's no room any more for Ira Newble, which we sorta already knew, but which this writer wants to confirm.
- Chris Quinn re-signed with the Miami Heat, and may well be the starter at point guard next year. Since winning the championship, the Heat have publicly pursued everybody, ever. From Mickael Pietrus to Smush Parker to Charlie Bell to Penny Hardaway, the Heat have made a play for everybody that has ever played the game, with almost no success on the free agency front. And now, three years into their search, their starting point guard figures to be Chris effing Quinn. This probably isn't pleasant for Heat fans. (And no offense to Chris Quinn, by the way. It's just that......you know.)
- Darryl Watkins has signed with the San Antonio Spurs for training camp, a move that brings with it no incisive follow-up comment or silly joke.
- The Cavaliers finally re-signed Delonte West to a very fair deal. Worryingly, the Cavaliers have had a pretty good offseason. They've re-signed West and Daniel Gibson for decent value, traded peripheral pap for a starter and scorer in Maurice Williams, made two good draft picks in J.J. Hickson and Darnell Jackson to reinforce their weakest position, and made a good depth signing with Tarence Kinsey. Of course, they still inexplicably signed Lorenzen Wright (if you need a veteran third string centre, fine, but NOT HIM. Jesus, not him. Jake Voskuhl's still out there, for instance, and Jake's all right), but it mostly went well. If they find a way to never let Ben Wallace take the court again, and turn Wally Szczerbiak's expiring into a talented player, they might get over the hump that they've been painfully short of lately. There you go, I've credited Danny Ferry. I will now sever my own arms.
- A post from the dark ages informed you paupers that Thunder draft pick DeVon Hardin had signed in Turkey. However, I'm now here to inform you that he's no longer signed in Turkey, for the team let him go due to a stress fracture in his right foot. That's what they do in the continent - they release you if you hurt yourself. Seems harsh.
- Gabe Muoneke was also released, by Asvel in France, but not because of injury. Apparently he didn't "fit" the team's "profile". So it would appear that Asvel think they have room to be choosy when it comes to signing fringe NBA players.
- In spite of the fact that this is ostensibly a list of 'signings', the last two entries were the opposite of that, and this one makes three straight. More than once (i.e. twice), I have made reference to the ongoing Jumaine Jones saga. For those uninformed, Jones somehow managed to sign with two teams at the same time, causing a legal battle. This saga has now been resolved - Jones has been suspended by FIBA for a year, and since FIBA and the NBA respect each other's contracts and suspensions, this means that Jones is now out of basketball for a year, a worrisome proposition for a 29 year old with NBA aspirations. Bad times.
- And now, some signings. Big signings, at that. Ken Johnson has signed with Telekom Baskets Bonn in Germany. Take a minute to let that sink in.
- The Orlando Magic found their third string point guard of dreams in Mike Wilks, while Pat Garrity officially announced his retirement. Mike Wilks should have been in the NBA last year, and Pat Garrity shouldn't, so this is justice more than anything. God speed, Pat Garrity, and all who sail within you.
- Robert Swift re-signed with Oklahoma City, taking his qualifying offer of three and a bit million dollars. This was a good idea for a man who has played 8 games in the last two years and who still hasn't recovered from an incredibly bad knee injury. I hope Robert Swift gets healthy, by the way. He was getting somewhere as a player.
- Steve Castleberry signed with Podebrady Sadska in the Czech Republic. Right now, you're probably thinking "who the fuck is Steve Castleberry?" It's a good argument, well constructed.
- And finally, some bonus trivia. Former Mavericks guard Jon Stefansson has gone back to Iceland, signing with KR Reykjavik and thereby foregoing a decent basketball career. Also, another former Maverick, forward Ruben Wolkowyski, has been offered a contract by Spanish team Fuenlabrada. Ruben Wolkowyski is easily the worst player I have ever seen in my life, and I've seen Steve Goodrich. And Steve Goodrich wasn't good. Or rich.
More importantly, Shawn Kemp has arrived with his new Italian team, Montegranaro, and now we get to see what shape he's in. The answer is....not bad.
Photo courtesy of whoever took it, and used without permission.
- In round 3, I set your collective minds at ease about the whereabouts of shaven headed corner lingerer, Jumaine Jones. I told you that he had signed in Italy. But apparently that's not the end of the matter. In a rather unique tale, Jumaine's two agents appear to have simultaneously agreed to two seperate contracts with two different teams in two different countries. Jones has seemingly agreed to sign with both Milano in Italy and with a team called Ural Great Perm in Russia. (Great name. A great name. Great perm, too.) I don't think there's any precedent for knowing quite what happens in situations such as this, so it's FIBA's problem now. Good stuff, though.
- On the off-chance that you can remember who Rashad Wright is - a Pacers secound rounder from 2004 who never made the NBA - then you'll be horny when you hear that he has signed with ALBA Berlin in Germany, after last played for Efes Pfilsen in Turkey. For those unaware....that's a backwards step. (No offense to ALBA Berlin fans. But it is. You know?)
- In news that I know will excite at least one reader of this website, former humoursly bad NBA player Reece Gaines has signed for Angelico Biella in Italy. I don't know who she is, but she sounds hot. I made that joke once before, and I shall continue to use it every time the name Angelico Biella crops up, because I'm unoriginal like that. (If you've never received a "hey, do you know what's happened to Reece Gaines?" email in your life, then you're missing out. Ask nicely and I'll write you one. Maybe.)
- Loukas Mavrokefalidis remains in Greece, going from Olympiakos to Maroussi Costa Coffee, where he'll join none other than Andreas Glyniadakis. Try spelling that frontcourt while shitfaced on Mescaline. Can't be done.
- Just In Cage has signed with Belgacom Liege in Belgium (or, specifically, in Liege in Belgium). This news may interest you if you are a Bulls fan - Cage played mediocrely for the Bulls summer league team last season, but was invited to training camp anyway, where he didn't last for very long. However, at some point between the two events, David Thorpe (who was working with Cage in some capacity) wrote a glowing commendation of Cage's hero-like basketball abilities. Certain Bulls fans bought into that, and began planning the franchise's entire direction around the formidable Justin "Magical" Cage. So news of hsi signing in the Belgian league will piss on those people's chips.
- Another Bulls summer league and former Spur, Keith Langford, is on the cusp of signing for Bologna in Italy. That's all I have to say about that. And now onto news about actual NBA players.
- The Spurs re-signed Kurt Thomas, and also signed Creighton's finest Anthony Tolliver. It has to be said that, while everyone's talking about the potential juicy goodness of the 2010 free agency class, no one has talked about the Spurs's potential impact on it. They do, after all, have only two players under contract that summer, and even though Manu Ginobili will be a free agent that summer, the Spurs have enough room to give him an extension and still be able to throw an arseload of cheese at a big name player. They'll have only the merest bare bones of a squad, but an aging foursome of Ginobili, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and, say, Dirk Nowitzki....well, you'd have to respect that, even if the other 9 players are on minimum salary contracts. Which they'd probably have to be. (Note: given the way things work in the NBA, this scenario will prove to impossible within next to no time. Either Dirk will sign an extension, the salary cap won't increase as expected, or the Spurs will spend money on multiple lesser players. Or the franchise will fold. Or all four of those things. This is why I don't make predictions any more - they suck and are hard. Giggidy.)
- The Detroit Pistons are to sign Will Bynum, which could be amusing if Lindsey Hunter sticks around for another season. Imagine looking down that bench for a point guard who can hit a jumpshot. Good luck.
- Ricky Davis is the latest reasonably big name NBA player to be offered a disproportionally huge amount of money from Greek club Olympiakos as a replacement for Loukas Mavrokefalidis...........
- .....And Josh Childress did go to Olympiakos after all. Good on you, sir.
- Brian "Chevy" Chase has signed for Le Mans in the French league, and anyone who reads all this overseas basketball shit that I write would no doubt get the impression that signing in the French league has bad news for your career written all over it. Whether I'm right or not is another matter, but would it be a bad thing for the NBA if it saw the back of a 5'9 guard who can't pass? Doubt it. (Speaking of, Earl Boykins is still unsigned.)
- Ivan Radenovic's contract with Akasvayu Girona of Spain has been extended. On a different note, Akasvayu looks a little bit like Matisyahu. And Matisyahu is a rabbi rapper. Go and search for him on Youtube, then go and buy his album, and then come back here. Do this, and do this now. (Note: I'm going to start using this blog as a guerilla marketing tool, for the relentless promotion of people and things that I like. While we're at it, buy this. You're likely not going to be English, so some of the references in the album's lyrics will be wasted on you, but bear in mind that this is how we Brits feel about Family Guy, and that shit's great. So that's no excuse for you not buying it.)
- Jared Newson, who played in summer league and training camp with the Mavericks last season, has signed with Brose Baskets, marking his second season in the German league. Last season over there, he won the dunk contest. And he also did this.
So he's good at dunking. That much we know. Send in any further Jared Newson trivia to the usual address.
- Joseph Blair signed with Spartak St Petersburg, which is in Russia and not Florida. Neither of Joseph's websites carried this news. But one of them did carry this amusing blog post type thing, from Jaybl-Air himself:
I think that in life a certain amount of respect has to be given to everything you do. Especially when it comes to something that gives you your livelihood! I have always been able to take pride in the fact that I have always given my best and my all to this sport that I love so much. Not always have things turned out the way that I wanted and I wish that I would have made more free throws and there are a ton of easy shots that I have missed and wished that I could go back and try again but I have always tried my best. Nobody is perfect and I realize that but 100 percent must be given constantly!!
That being said I want to talk about tonights game! I have played basketball since I was 5 years old. Organized basketball, not just playing in the yard!! I have played professional for 11 years now!! And never in my career have I ever tried to blame a referee for a loss!!
But tonight was the most disgraceful and disrespectful attempt at what they want to call refereeing a game that I have ever seen or been a part of. It was truly scandalous!!
Tonight I witnessed a huge disrespect to this game that I love!! It is a sad time!! I am truly heartbroken that anyone could do this to this game that I love so much!! And now we even see this type of problem in the NBA!!
When will it stop? Where will it stop? When did it start? God bless basketball
God bless basketball indeed, and God also bless Joseph Blair. Watch out, Gilbert Arenas.
- If you are wondering whatever happened to Jumaine Jones - and who doesn't think about this at some point every day? - then fear not, impoverished serfs, for Jumaine is doing fine. Unable to crack an NBA rotation any more through no real fault of his own, Jonesy still has a decent bsketball career, recently signing for Armani Jeans Alyssa Milano in Italy, for one year plus an optional second year. I still don't get why he's not in the NBA, given that this is a league in which players like Uros Slokar and Damir Markota keep getting drafted. But whatever. What would I know. I'm a middle aged blogger who has never played the sport and who loves Star Trek and who lives in his mum's basement, wanking about stats and the like. (More on the glaring accuracies of this stereotype - apart from the middle-aged, basement, Star Trek and wanking bits - in a future blog post.)
- Kennedy Winston has been released by Greek champions Panathinaikos, who won the Greek League AND the Greek Cup last season, but who obviously fancy their chances of being able to repeat this feat without K-Win in their team. (By the way, isn't that the perfect starting pitchers nickname? Apart from maybe B.A.A. Whipsave. Which I just invented. And which is shit.)
- Former Spurs wingman Melvin Sanders has signed with Gran Canaria in Spain, after leaving Unicaja Malaga, where he played rather badly last season. You will, of course, remember Malaga from the previous Summer Signings post as being the team that Robert Archibald and Omar Cook are to play for next season, a proposition that excites me greatly. It would excite you too if you'd ever seen Robert Archibald bank home a 21 foot runner while drawing a three point play. I have seen this, and I am not ashamed to admit that I was slightly aroused by it. He looked like Dirk, only he wasn't Dirk, which made it better. Great times. Great times.
- Quinton Hosley has managed to land a rather plush gig with Spanish legends Real Madrid, as the replacement for recently departed (not dead, just departed) Charles Spider Smith. Lucky Quinton.
- Sam O'Udrih - best known for being Beno's brother, partly because he is, and partly because Samo's not really done anything of his own - has signed with Estudiantes. Estudiantes is in Slovenia, not Uruguay as I first thought. Other players that you may have heard of in the Slovenian league include.....no one.
- Sani Becirovic, Denver Nuggets draft choice from 2003, has signed with Roma in Italy for three years. He will be 30 by the time the deal is up, and still with bad knees. This changes his chances of ever joining the NBA from 0.01% percent into precisely zip. But, still, you want to see a 7 minute Sani Becirovic tribute mix anyway, right? Of course you do.
(He's number 7.)
- Willie Deane has signed with Zalgiris in Lithuania, to the amusement of no one.
Arthur Johnson is playing for Pepsi Caserta in Italy's second divison, alongside Guillermo Diaz and perennial also-ran Randolph Childress. Johnson averages 13.9 points and 6.5 rebounds a game.
Trey Johnson is averaging 12.3 points, 3.5 rebounds and 4.1 assists in only 27 minutes a game for the Bakersfield Jam of the D-League.
Bobby Jones has tied an NBA record this season, after playing for 5 different NBA teams - Denver, Memphis, San Antonio, Miami and Houston. Jones was also on the Sixers roster before the season, but he was traded as a part of the Reggie Evans/Steven Hunter deal that nobody was interested in. He has just today returned to the Denver Nuggets, obviously wanting to settle down now.
Dahntay Jones played well for the Kings earlier this season, before being waived to accomodate the players acquired from Atlanta as a part of the Mike Bibby trade. One of those players - Tyronn Lue - was subsequently waived, but still the Kings didn't bring Dahntay back, nor Justin Williams, the other guy waived concurrent to the trade. As a result, Jones is stuck with plying his trade down in the D-League, where he shits on the league with a 24.4 points per game average.
Mark Jones - a former Magic guard, so obscure in his formerness that only the truly hardcore will remember him - has not played professionally for two years, and I have absolutely nothing further to say about him. That's how obscure he is. It'd be quite the mysterious and evocative act if it wasn't so irrelevant to everyone and everything.
Alvin Jones, who this summer became the ultimate random "oh shit yeah, I remember him!" signing of any training camp ever when he signed with Denver for three whole days, is playing for a Turkish team that not even people in Turkey have heard of - Mutlu Aku Selcuk Universitesi Konya. It is here that Jones puts up the other-worldly numbers of 4 total BL's and no ASS. Make your own assumptions as to what those abbreviations form his team's website represent. Jones is also, I shit ye not, a Luxembourgian passport holder, and this is the kind of information that I NEED to bring the world. (Question: which former Net is now a member of the Qatarian national team? We'll find out, after these messages. And about 30 more blog posts.)
Jumaine Jones is averaging 18.2 points and 8.6 rebounds for Napoli in Italy, alongside another former Net, Jamel Thomas. Speaking of Jamel Thomas, Jamel Thomas is Stephon Marbury's cousin. And Jamel Thomas is writing a book. And Jamel Thomas isn't nice about Marbury on this book, or so he implies in a Youtube video that he made. In this video, Jamel Thomas wears sunglasses indoors, complimented by a pink tank top, ranting somewhat incoherently (the room has ropey acoustics) about how angry he is about Marbury-related things, doing so with a loosely enforced rhyme scheme in place. In the unlikely event that you haven't seen this video, given that every NBA blog in the world seems to have carried it recently, here it is:
I'm buying that, despite my almost-total lack of interest in the subject matter. You've sold me, Jamel Thomas. By the way, Jamal has two A's in it.
Jared Jordan is playing for Lietuvos in Lithuania, alongside (or rather, behind) the mighty Hollis Price. Jordan averages a mere 6.1 points and 4.0 assists for the team. Nevertheless, I remain steadfast in my opinion that this player that I have never seen play is destined for good things, because people who I trust rather well keep telling me this. And frankly, that's all that I need. It's the fundamental principle that this website was based on. Maybe I shouldn't have just said that.
Federico Kammerichs averages only 7.1 points and 5.9 rebounds for Murcia in Spain. The old unwritten rule which states that dual German/Argentinian nationality players with massive beards drafted in the second round of the NBA draft never go on to international basketball superstardom, claims another victim. Maybe one day, we'll break this unholy cycle of woe.
Sergei Karaulov - one of those tall young European second round draft choices that the Spurs make, that you've never heard of, yet you are convinced that they could one day start on a championship winning Spurs team purely because te Spurs drafted them - will never start on a Spurs championship team. Because he's crap. Karaulov, 26 tomorrow, averages only 3.2 points and 2.1 rebounds for Lokomotiv Rostov in the Russian Superleague. Thus, it's official - the Spurs cocked one up. And when we get to Viktor Sanikidze, you'll learn how they cocked two up.
Mario Kasun had his restricted free agency renounced by Orlando when they renounced everybody except Fran Vazquez to open up the room to sign Rashard Lewis to as much as they physically could, for no freaking reason whatsoever. As a result, Kasun is now fully detatched from the NBA, and now we have something else to blame Rashard Lewis for. (Let's overlook for a minute the fact that Kasun doesn't want to play in the NBA.) Kasun, now 28, averages 7.7 points and 3.3 rebounds per game for Barcelona, and if I could read Spanish I'd be able to tell you if he has stopped his prolific fouling or not. But I'd wager not. (Vazquez, coincidentally, is his teammate.)
Viktor Khryapa was bought out by the Bulls just before the trade deadline so that he could return to the Motherland to resurrect his career. It hasn't really worked out yet, as Khryapa averages only 10.8 points and 6.4 rebounds for CSKA Moscow, which isn't terrific. Khryapa's team mate in Moscow is Trajan Langdon, who tears things up with an 11.8ppg scoring average, which is highly terrific. I may have an agenda here, but don't tell anyone.
Most of the meaty bits of this year's free agency crop have already been dealt with. But some residual pap still remains, and some teams still need to plug some holes.
So, for the record, here's the best of what is left out there.
(Note: players that have signed in leagues other than the NBA are not listed, nor are people that weren't on an NBA roster to end last year - click this bugger right here for a very long free agents list. Also not listed are people that have agreed to sign somewhere but who have not done it yet - see this page for that kind of stuff.)
Sham is a miserable and self-effacing little bastard, whose basketball opinions are often riddled with bias, insecurity, and rank immaturity. He has also never played the sport, and the only game he has ever been to see was a Ware Rebels game back in 2001. The night bus didn't show up and he had to walk the 9 miles home. It was after this that his passion for basketball really took off.
He considers himself to be Britain's foremost NBA expert, an arbitrary title that carries with it no basis in fact, or any worldly significance. He also wrote this section of the website in third person narrative, purely for reasons of arrogance.
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is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
the really stupid ones that I wish I'd never written.
