Where Are They Now, 2010; Part 14

This one might be shorter than the last one.

One final note on Keon Clark: despite what I said earlier about Clark's mandatory weekly court appearances being "almost universally described as good", Clark failed a drug test as recently as late November. So maybe it's not all coming up Milhouse after all.



- Victor Claver

Windpipe is still with Valencia, his hometown team and the team he's been with since he was 15. He's averaging 11.5 points, 6.0 rebounds and 2.0 assists per game in the Eurocup, alongside 9.4 points, 5.2 rebounds and 1.5 assists in the ACB. Good numbers all, with only one drawback; Claver is shooting a combined 26 of 87 from three point range between the two competitions, which is .298%.



- Mateen Cleaves

After spending last year in the D-League, Mateen Cleaves is currently unsigned. This would appear to be by choice, as his Twitter reveals a new career direction. Cleaves has teamed up with some guy named Jon Connor (not the one of Terminator fame) to launch Varsity Records, a record label that appears to have one client (Connor) and one manager (Cleaves). This would appear to be a full time venture for Cleaves now, so he is perhaps done with basketball at the age of 32. I'm speculating about that, of course, but only because of Cleaves's apparent dedication to this new endeavour.

Is Jon Connor any good? You be the judge.

Hard to tell, really. That's just noise on that video. The behind-the-club's-stage angle is never the best one acoustically. But the crowd seem to be enjoying it.

Here's an article about them both.





- Keith Closs

For the 2007-08 season, a 31 year old Closs joined the Tulsa 66ers of the D-League, and spent the entire year there. It represented the best job security that Closs had had since his NBA career floundered almost a decade ago, and an article (which I now can't find) spoke of his comeback from the apathy and alcoholism that had plagued him until that point. It was a nice story.

Since that season ended, though, Closs' career has been back to its previous stop-start ways. Closs started last year in China, averaging 14.2 points, 9.9 rebounds and a league best 4.5 blocks in 18 games for the now-defunct Yunnan Running Bulls. After putting up a triple double (13/13/11) in his final game with the team in late December, he moved to rival team Liaoning for a tryout, but did not make the team, and then this summer he was a part of the stacked IBL team, the Los Angeles Lightning.

What's he doing now? Well, this very week, Closs was the first pick in the second round of the Universal Basketball Association draft by the seminally named GIE Morrow Disciples, a team that clearly read the Anthony Morrow Facts before choosing that name. The Universal Basketball Association is a minor league that you've probably never heard of; nor had I until I looked up Keith Closs' recent career. The UBA is based in Texas and used to be known as the United Regions Basketball League. The MVP of the league last year was Atlanta Christian's very own Jermaine Barnes, who averaged 41 points, 11 rebounds, 7 assists and 5 steals per game.

For Keith Closs to have been only the 9th pick, there must be 8 players in the UBA deemed to be better than him.

(By the way, Jermaine Barnes has never played to a standard above the ABA, which isn't much of a standard at all. But the advantage to that is huge statistics, and Barnes fully took advantage of that by averaging 48.2 points per game for an entire season in 2007-08. It was in the Japanese third division, but still.)



- Dominique Coleman

Coleman made his name in the D-League last year, playing for the now-defunct Colorado 14ers. He averaged 15.1ppg, 7.6rpg, 4.8apg and a league best 2.8spg, numbers he hadn't previously approached, not even in the Big 12. Coleman took this new CV to Belgium, where he joined Dexia Mons-Hainaut and awaited some hot Eurocup action. However, despite his 22 points and 9 steals in two games, Dexia were knocked out of the Eurocup (see also: Justin Cage's entry), and Coleman moved to another Eurocup team in Angellico Biella. There, he averaged 4.8 points, 2.3 rebounds and 2.3 assists in the Eurocup, alongside 5.2 points, 2.0 rebounds and 1.2 assists in the Italian league, before being released. Coleman was only ever signed as injury cover for Fred Jones, and once Jones returned to health, Biella didn't have room to keep Coleman. He is now unsigned.



- Coleman Collins

Collins is in Germany, playing for ratiopharm Ulm. The lack of capitalisation there is theirs, not mine. Collins is averaging 11.8 points, 4.9 rebounds and 1.2 assists in 24 minutes per game, shooting 57% from the floor and 54% from the foul line.

It's been a while, so let's play Count The Germans: on a 15 man roster, Ulm have 10 Americans (including two called Kevin Martin and John Bryant), 1 Dane (going by the very un-Danish name of Darko Jukic), 1 Bosnian and 5 Germans. Three of those Germans are in the regular playing rotation, including national team forward Robin Benzing.

I think that's the most successful game of Count The Germans we've had so far.



- Will Conroy

Apart from very short stints in the NBA and Italy, Conroy has been in the D-League since leaving the University of Washington in 2005. This means he probably still has a mortgage, because the D-League does not pay well. Conroy has done this for the simple reason that he knows he's on the cusp of the NBA, and the best way to get in it when you're that close is to be in the D-League and wait for opportune 10 day deals. However, despite averaging 27/8/5/2 down there last year, Conroy still couldn't get any guaranteed money in training camp this year, and went to the Rockets camp in October on a completely unguaranteed deal. Then, in spite of the Rockets having only two point guards, Conroy lost out on a roster spot to Brian Cook, because Cook's expiring salary can't be traded if he's not on the roster. And trading that remains a possibility, however small. So it was no joy for Will.

The guards to have been called up from the D-League to the NBA so far this season are Sundiata Gaines, Mario West, Cedric Jackson and JamesOn Curry. While Gaines' story has been quite cool, what else does Conroy have to do? No one in the NBA really needs Conroy right now, not even the Rockets, but he's being passed over for lesser players and has been for a while. If teams need a point guard to call up as injury cover, Conroy is ready and waiting, but they're not doing so. Worse still for Conroy; he just turned 27, and the window is closing.

Conroy went to China to start this season, but lost out in the crush that saw basically every former NBA player vying for spots there. He has since rejoined the D-League and is averaging 14.3 points, 8.4 assists and 4.1 rebounds per game for the Rio Grande Valley Vipers.



- Omar Cook

Montenegrin national team starter Omar Cook is one of the best point guards in Europe. His team Unicaja Malaga have turned over their backcourt recently, replacing Taquan Dean and Shammond Williams with Juan Dixon and Zabian Dowdell, but Cook remains a mainstay and one of the best passers on the continent. He averages 9.3 points and 5.7 assists per game in 25 minutes per game in the ACB, alongside 8.9 points and 6.0 assists per game in the Euroleague. If those assists numbers don't look like much, consider:

a) the minutes played.

b) the fact that assists are far harder to get in Europe; double the number and subtract a bit for their NBA equivalents.

c) the fact that the Euroleague and the ACB represent the second and third best standards of basketball in the world, and Cook is second in them both in assists per game.

Maybe now you'll understand why he is totally badass.

Also note; in 19 ACB games this year, Cook has only scored in double figures 6 times. One of the, however, was a 35 point explosion. That was fun.



- Brandon Costner

NC State product Costner was Coleman's teammate at Dexia before getting hurt in late October. He was replaced by Curtis Sumpter, but rejoined the team in early December, and is averaging 10.6 points and 4.0 rebounds on the Belgian league season. He was doing a lot better before the injury.

From what I've seen of him there this year, Costner has foresaken any remaining impulses to pretend he's a power forward any more.



- Ryvon Covile

Detroit Mercy product Covile is playing his second season with Orleans in France, with this year having an added bonus; Orleans are (or rather, were) a Euroleague team. In that competition, The Detergent averaged 9.2 points, 3.7 rebounds and 3.3 fouls, alongside 10.1 points, 5.0 rebounds and 2.1 fouls per game in the French league. Covile's rebounding was his staple in college, yet he's not proving to be much of a rebounder now that he's undersized in the pros. However, his offensive output has increased over the years, which makes up for it.



- Chris Crawford

As regular readers will know, Crawford has been a particular point of interest over the years due to his complete disappearance a few years ago. That issue was addressed at length here, and an impassioned two person internet campaign to find Chris Crawford produced the following results:

1) He lives in Galesburg, Michigan.
2) He owns a company called "Slam Dunk Stables," a thoroughbred racing stable that either is or was part-owned by Clippers owner Donald Sterling.

I don't think we need any more than that.



- Joe Crawford

Crawford was in camp with the Knicks, yet despite having the guaranteed money advantage over Marcus Landry, Landry beat him to the 14th roster spot. And the Knicks didn't keep fifteen out of training camp, for as we later learned, they were keeping number 15 for Jonathan Bender. Crawford rejoined the D-League - where he will earn about half of the $50,000 the Knicks are paying him not to play - where he was assigned to the L.A. D-Fenders. He is averaging 17.7 points and 3.8 assists per game.



Finally....

- Austin Croshere

Despite playing for three NBA teams last year - the Pacers, the Bucks and the Spurs - Croshere has not played for any this year. It doesn't look like he's going to, either, as he now does television and occasional radio work for the Pacers.



Remember to use the site's Twitter account, which is rife with news of players not worthy enough for their own posts. For example, would you like to know which former Oklahoma State player was just suspended for signing in both Portugal and Montenegro at the same? If so, go there.

Summer league round-up: New York Knicks

View the Knicks summer league roster.

- Wink Adams: Adams just graduated from UNLV, where his senior season numbers were down across the board. He averaged 14.3 points, 4.1 rebounds and 2.8 assists, shooting only 37% from the field. FYI, 6'0 guards that shoot 37% don't make it in the NBA.

- Alex Acker: Acker started last year with the Pistons, who salary dumped him onto the Clippers. He scored 63 points on 65 shots in the NBA last year, which isn't good. He also spent 4 games on assignment to the Fort Wayne Mad Ants, averaging 18.0 points and 5.3 rebounds, but the Clippers declined his team option and didn't make him a restricted free agent. That's not a glowing endorsement.

- Blake Ahearn: Ahearn was covered here. If he can show some rudimentary point guard skills suited to the Knicks' high octane offense, then he has a chance. But the Knicks are damn short of roster spots. They have 16 under contract already, and that's before a single free agency move. This presents a problem for Ahearn.

- Morris Almond: Utah are so tax concerned right now that they had to decline Almond's third year option, even though it was very cheap and he didn't really do anything wrong. Almond doesn't have an all-around game - he's pretty much only a scorer. But even though he barely played in the NBA, and didn't do much in his time in it, he was drafted to be a scorer, and score he did. He averaged 25.6 points per game in the D-League in 2007/08, and last year averaged 22.4 points in 29.8 minutes. Of course, Almond didn't pass at all to score that many, averaging a special 1.1 assists per game. But he scored a lot, and he scored it efficiently. It's only Matt Harpring's dead weight salary keeping him out right now.

- Warren Carter: Former Illinois forward Carter played his first professional season in Turkey, then split last year between Spain and Latvia. Carter averaged 11.8 points and a slightly poor 5.0 rebounds in the Spanish ACB for Cajasol Sevilla, and then moved to the joyfully named BC Ventspils, where he led the Latvian league in rebounds (9.1 rpg) and second in blocks (1.4 bpg), to go along with 13.0 points. Carter played on the Mavericks summer league team in 2007, but didn't make the big league roster. He's not making this one, either.

- Joe Crawford: Crawford was drafted by the Lakers at the very end of the 2008 draft, and was a late season pickup by the Knicks, signed through 2010 (but for no longer, as is the Knicks way). He played in two games for the Knicks last season, and totalled 9 points and 4 rebounds. Before that, he was in the D-League, where he averaged 20.8 points and 4.6 rebounds for the L.A. D-Fenders. The retired Cuttino Mobley is probably going to be taking up Crawford's roster spot, and the drafting of Douglas also spells bad times for him. But he should be in training camp at least.

- Toney Douglas: Douglas is a very good scorer, who pretty much only scores. He averaged 21.5 points, 3.9 rebounds and 2.9 assists in his senior season for Florida State, an out-and-out scorer despite his height. However, since he's with the Knicks, he could probably handle playing at point guard, such is the nature of their offense. Leandro Barbosa managed it for a time, after all.

- Patrick Ewing Jr: Last year, Sacramento drafted Ewing 42nd overall. He was then traded twice before his rookie season even began; once to the Rockets as a par of the Ron Artest deal, and then salary dumped to the Knicks in exchange for the completely arbitrary rights to Frederic Weis. This got everyone horny, given the good times that his father brought to the team, and the idea that Ewing would thrive in a higher paced offense made people want to touch themselves. But no one took enough note of the fact that Ewing sucked. He was a sixth man in college, and averaged only 6.1 points and 4.2 rebounds as a senior (and that includes sitting out a season to transfer). Then in summer league for the Kings, Ewing played in three games - all starts - and totalled 45 minutes, 2 points, 7 rebounds and 12 fouls. That's really quite awful, and the Knicks cut him in the end, shattering the dreams of dozens. The only time Ewing has ever played well in significant minutes was last year in the D-League, when he averaged 16.8 points, 8.9 rebounds and 3.1 assists in the D-League for the Reno Bighorns (giggidy). But even then, he was a sixth man. And he's 25 now. The rawness excuses run out eventually.

- Jordan Hill: The third best big man in the draft, apparently. Hill averaged 18.3 rebounds and 11.0 rebounds last year for Arizona, but was made to look pretty average when the NCAA tournament rolled around. Knicks fans dislike Hill already purely because he's not Stephen Curry; whether an imitation of Chris Wilcox by Hill this summer league would win them over or not remains to be seen.

- Ron Howard: Howard was a Buck once, although only for about two weeks. He transferred from Marquette after his freshman season and went on to put up three decent but unspectacular seasons at Valparaiso. He then travelled to Holland and Mexico, before spending the last two years in the D-League (with his short Bucks stint in between the two). Last year, in 48 games and 1,711 minutes for the Fort Wayne Mad Ants, Howard managed to boast the frankly impressive statistic of 0 made three pointers for the entire year, in 10 tries. This is pretty hard to do as a team's 6'5 high-scoring two guard with an 18.7 points per game scoring average. It should give you some idea of how he plays.

- Yaroslav Korolev: Korolev was a complete and total washout in the NBA, drafted by the Clippers way too high for a man with no history of ever playing well and with no obvious standout skills to project. The fact that Danny Granger was taken after him doesn't help anybody. The Clippers waived him for good in 2007 training camp, and Korolev buggered off back to his native Russia. Last year, for Dynamo Moscow, Korolev averaged 1.5 points and 1.0 rebounds in 10 Russian Superleague games. He is now 22, and is no further along than when he was 17. He still can't play. But, good luck with this.

- David Noel: Noel also did little in the NBA, playing only one and a half years for the Bucks before being waived. He spent last year in the D-League, putting up huge numbers; he started with the Albquerque Thunderbirds, averaging 17.8 points, 5.9 rebounds, 4.4 assists and 2.3 steals in 30 games, before moving to the Reno Bighorns (etc) and averaging 19.1 points, 5.8 rebounds and 6.7 assists in 18 games. When the D-League season ended, Noel moved to the Philippines for a summer job, averaging 20.5 points, 12.9 rebounds and 5.4 assists for the Barangay Ginebra Kings, a team with a name not nearly as awesome as it should be for a Philippines team. His team plays in the potential title winning game tonight. And that's why he's not playing for the Knicks. Also, Noel has already agreed to sign with Roanne in the French ProA league next season. So you can cross him off your list.

- Mouhamed Sene: Like Crawford, Sene was a late season pickup that signed through 2010 for the hell of it. Like Crawford, he was waived by an NBA team earlier in the year, this time by the Thunder. Like Crawford, he's probably going to training camp. But, like Crawford, the Knicks' draft night moves (in this instance, Darko Milicic) probably just took his roster spot.

- Rashaad Singleton: In his junior season with Georgia, Singleton (whose first name is really Donald, and who looks like a picture of Nate Dogg stretched out weirdly with the contrast turned up) averaged 2.7 points, 3.3 rebounds and 1.7 blocks. Apparently 136 minutes of playing time wasn't enough for him, as Singleton transferred to Florida Southern down in Division 2, a team that boast the great nickname of "The Moccasins." It didn't really change much, though, because the 7'0 Singleton (whose weight I've seen listed between 220lbs and 280lbs) played in 35 games but started only 10 times, averaging 15.1 minutes per game. His averages overall were 6.1 points, 4.4 rebounds, 3.3 blocks and 0.5 assists. Furthermore, he shot 24-92 from the free throw line, a sizzling 26%. That's pretty brilliant. Less brilliant are Singleton's NBA chances.

- Nikoloz Tskitishvili: Skeeter also busted spectacularly in the NBA, out of it before he was ever in it. The Knicks actually had him under contract back in October 2010, but he didn't make the regular season roster. Last year he was in Spain, playing for Fuenlebrada, averaging 8.3 points and 4.1 rebounds acting as a spot-up shooting for the team. While the averages aren't good, he shot 44% from three point range, which is very good. Tskitishvili had a tryout (or two) with the Grizzlies recently, before this Knicks gig came to pass. I admire their entrepeneurial spirit.

Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 11

- I have no idea where Keon Clark is, specifically, but the answer is probably jail.

- Milone Clark averages 4.8 points and 3.4 rebounds for the Sioux Falls Skyforce. I openly admit to knowing basically nothing about Milone Clark, but, as a player who has never put up good numbers at any stage of his career (he even only scored 15ppg in the Ecuadorian league) yet who somehow landed a training camp spot with the Knicks in 2006......well, Milone Clark is either a very good defensive guard, or Isiah Thomas was knocking him off too. In which case, Milone, you'd better sue. You'll make a mint.

- Mateen Cleaves is also in the D-League, where he averages 13.2 points and 8.2 assists for the Bakersfield Jam. (Also note - the jumpshot is still broken.) The 8.2 assists is good for second in the league, behind only Walker Russell, who is way out in front with 11.1 apg. But only six players in the entire D-League average over 7 apg, which is somewhat unremarkable in a league with an unsubtle emphasis on pushing the ball and stat padding. Then again, maybe they're all too busy shooting.

- Keith Closs is still an amusing sideshow. Closs spent last year in the D-League with the Tulsa 66ers, where he admitted to his alcoholism and posted a season featuring nearly as many blocks per game (2.8) as rebounds (4.7), yet this seaspn he left the D-League to go to China. Signing with the Yunnan Honghe Running Bulls, Closs averaged 14.2 points, 9.9 rebounds and 4.5 blocks in the Chinese league, which frequently boasts amusingly lopsided statistics (speaking of, if and when we get to the letter W, have a look at Bonzi Wells's scoring average), but left the team for reasons unbeknownst to me. Closs then had a trial with another Chinese team, the Liaoning Panpan Hunters, but left earlier this month and is currently unsigned. Somewhere in amongst all that, Closs managed to apply for Phillipino citizenship, for reasons that are also unbeknownst to me. And Slam Magazine also carried this story about him, which, like most Keith Closs stories, is kind of fun. While we're on the subject of fun Keith Closs moments, here is Keith Closs blocking two shots in what looks dangerously like a high school game, and flexing afterwards:



And here's the old classic of him being beaten up:



Ladies and gentleman, Mr Keith Closs.


- Coleman Collins is also in the D-League, averaging 12.4 points and 6.4 rebounds on a disappointing 43% shooting for the Fort Wayne Mad Ants.

- Will Conroy leads the D-League in scoring, with a 25.0 points per game average for the Albuquerque Thunderbirds, and he is also tied for third in assists at 7.6 apg. The little git also averages a handy 4.4 rebounds, and fills up the stat sheet further with 2.6 steals per game. However, rather than being instantly deemed the next Chris Paul, Conroy's averages need some kind of context - he puts up these numbers in a numbers heavy league, while averaging a whopping 44.9 minutes a game. Conroy also leads the league in turnovers with 4.5 a game, leading to an assist/turnover ratio of a mediocre 1.7:1, and while he shoots a huge number of free throws (169 FTA to 283 FGA), he hits them at only 70%. Nevertheless, Conroy is behind only Eddie Gill in the Order In Which D-League Point Guards Are To Be Called Up To The NBA (note: such a list does not really exist), and if the Lakers sign Gill - as they are threatening to do - then things are looking good for Conroy when Phoenix need another mandatory 13th man.

- Montenegran legend Omar Cook averages 5.2 points, 1.8 steals and 4.9 assists for Unicaja Malaga in Spain. That might not seem like much - and the points certainly aren't - but it comes in only 22 minutes per game, in a country where assists are far harder to come by. That 4.9 assists is good for third in the Spanish league, and Cook's averages in the Euroleague - 5.0ppg, 5.1 apg - had him tied for the tournament lead in assists there, too. So there's some more context for you.

- Ryvon Covile is in France, playing for Orleans (not New Orleans, but the old one). Covile averages 10.8 points and 6.8 rebounds while still boasting the greatest name in the Western world.

- Chris Crawford has now been out of basketball for about 5 years, and yet I still feel morally obligated to tell you that he's not playing every year. Since the last time I told you this, only one new shred of information has come to light, that being this quote from his Wikipedia page:

During the summers they [Crawford and his brother] often golf at Milham Park Golf Course in their hometown of Kalamazoo, MI.

That's fun, clearly. But it's time for a new rule - no more Chris Crawford updates on this website. Not unless there's ever anything to actually report, like if he commits a murder or becomes King of Poland or something.


- Joe Crawford didn't make the Lakers's regular season roster out of training camp, but the Lakers own their own D-League affiliate, the Los Angeles D-Fenders. As a result, Crawford was immediately allocated there upon signing with the D-League, where he currently averages 20.9 points, 4.8 rebounds and 3.2 assists. Note to all NBA teams out there - if you want to keep lots of your training camp signings and former players, buy your own D-League affilate and wait for the allocations to come pouring in. It seems to work wonders. Crawford can technically sign a contract with any NBA team (and even turn down the Lakers if he so chose), but if the San Antonio Spurs and the Austin Toros slightly illicit partnership is anything to go on.....he won't.

- Austin Croshere signed with the Indiana Pacers, lost out to the guaranteed contract of Stephen Graham (who looks to have finally found a steady spot in the NBA), was claimed off of waivers by the Milwaukee Bucks, hit a few three pointers, and was waived last week to avoid the contract guarantee date. However, if my understanding of prorating the salaries of league-reimbursed veterans is correct - and it probably isn't - then waiving Croshere saves the Bucks only about $300,000, and his part season of insignifcance cost them almost double that. So was it really worth waiving him? Don't know. It depends on if I'm right, I guess. The lesson, as always: I'm probably not right.

- T.J. Cummings came to The Arse early in the year, but then pulled out. I really enjoyed writing that sentence.

Summer signings, round 21

This edition of our fun and voluptuous Summer Signings is highlighted by the fact that there's almost no one in it that you've ever heard of. If all the players in this list get into 80 NBA games combined next season, I will be shocked. In fact, I'll be justifiably flummoxed if even three of them make a roster. It's a sparse'un this time. Onward.

- Casey Jacobsen has signed with ALBA Berlin in Germany. In a previous blog post, I asked semi-mockingly for someone to do some research into which players have been to the German league and still been able to come back to the NBA. Two people mentioned Jacobsen, who was the German league finals NBA in 2007 before spending last season on the bench for the Memphis Grizzlies. This move completes the Grizzly German sandwich (giggidy), but it doesn't really undermine my insinuation that the German league is a bit shit, does it? Casey Jacobsen is all right, but a fringe NBA player. In between these two German stints, he scored 107 points on 115 shots in the NBA, as his jumpshot decided to take the year off. And now he's gone back to Germany where he'll probably star once again and become a champion of the serfs. What does this say about the German league? Basically nothing more than what I've already implied - it's a bit weak.

By the way, one of the two people who told me about C-Jake was an agent, who shall remain nameless. In Googling to see whether this nameless man is, or has even been, Casey Jacsobsen's agent, I found this search result:

"casey jacobsen girlfriend ipmessage lolita masturbation free pregnant women having sex"

So, something for everyone there.


- In a bizarre move, the likes of which have never previously been seen as interesting, the Suns and the Rockets swapped young guards D.J. Strawberry and Sean Singletary. This move is interesting (if you're a nerd) because it's a move that could save both teams money. The Rockets are trying to save money to be able to re-sign Carl Landry and Dikembe Mutombo without paying the lxury tax too much, if at all, and the Suns are trying to save money because they're the Suns. So in this deal, they may have both found what they were looking for. With the minimum of 13 players under contract once Goran Dragic officially signs his deal, the Suns depth chart is pretty much done, and Strawberry figured to be the last man on it again. However, as a second year player, he was to earn the minimum of $711,517, whereas a rookie on the minumum would earn only $442,114. Therefore, swapping Strawberry and Singletary saves the Suns the difference between those two sums ($269,403), doubled for tax ($538,806), and yet they lose nothing on the court, because neither player is going to take it. (Note: Singletary's salary is only partially guaranteed, contrary to what it says elsewhere on this webshite, but he'll make the team anyway, because if he doesn't, they'll have to pay someone else as well.) The Rockets meanwhile take on the more expensive player, but Strawberry's contract is not guaranteed, and so they save the whole of Singletary's salary, while also losing nothing on the court. It's all very interesting stuff if you're the kind of person that will forego a social life and regular sex in order to reinvest that time into calculating Greg Buckner's trade kicker.

(Note: If the Rockets keep Strawberry, then forget I said anything.)


- Joe Crawford has signed with the Lakers for training camp where he can once again do what he did in summer league and outplay Coby Karl. While challenging Tim Duncan to a fight.

- Kaniel Dickens has signed with Napoli, in Italy. See how obsure the list is this time around? Kaniel Dickens represents one of the bigger name players on it. At least he actually played in the NBA last year. That's more than what this next fella did.

- Mario Kasun and Barcelona have mutually agreed to terminate his contract. I don't know why, but we can speculate wildly. Maybe he doesn't think he was being paid enough. Maybe he wasn't getting enough minutes, in his own opinion. Or maybe he had a fight with Andre Barrett. Actually, yeah, it's that.

- Orien Greene has signed for MyGuide Amsterdam. And, if anyone out there should need a guide to Amsterdam....start with the cafes, follow the stench of sex, and work backwards. Soon enough you'll find a 70 year old woman seated in a shop's front window dressed in nothing but stockings and a suspender belt, knitting. As national identities go, it certainly pisses our one of fish and chips, Amy Winehouse, an arbitrary powerless monarchy and drizzle.

- Rod Benson has signed with SLUC Nancy in France. I don't know what the SLUC stands for, but if you change the last letter slightly and put it all in lower case while still suffixed with "Nancy", then it makes for quite a realistic soubriquet for the aforementioned 70 year old woman seated in a shop's front window dressed in nothing but stockings and a suspender belt, knitting.

- Sean Marks has signed for the New Orleans Hornets. How the hell does he do it? He's not a bad player by any means, but...well, he's never really done anything, has he? And yet he's now about to start the ninth year of his NBA career. 8 years, 127 games, 391 points, and still more offers of work. Just doesn't make sense. But fair play to him nonetheless.

- Memphis signed Hamed Haddadi, the only player in the Olympics to average a double double. Another fine move by a fine organisation.

- The trail blazing Portland Trail Blazers signed their 15th, 16th and 17th men in Luke Jackson, Steven Hill and Jamaal Tatum, albeit not necessarily in that order. I have already rambled about Jackson, and have nothing to say about the other two, so that's the end of that torrent of NBA insight. Quick! We're near the end!

- And finally, former Clippers guard and ABA journeyman Fred Vinson has returned to the Clippers as an assistant coach. After reading about this news, I faffed about for a while, and then went to bed. Yet clearly the news had a lasting effect on me, because I then proceeded to dream about Fred Vinson. I dreamt that me, Fred Vinson and Fred Vinson's wife, Mrs Fred Vinson (I don't even know if she exists) were out to dinner in a restaurant. The three of us were huddled around a table designed only for two. I had a steak diane, Mrs Fred Vinson had soup, and Fred Vinson had a largely undistinguished plate of brown. There was laughter, merriment, and much guffawery. I can't remember a single topic of conversation, but dammit, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that I dreamt that I was out to dinner with Fred Vinson.

You don't want to be like me when you grow up.