Robert Whaley arrested for carrying drugs in his arse

The cheerful looking sausage in this picture is former Utah Jazz and Toronto Raptors big man, Robert Whaley. You may remember him, or you may not. But if you do, it's probably because either:

a) you're a Cincinnati Bearcats fan who remembers Whaley for the one year of fail he brought your team in 2003-04 before being forced to transfer due to off-the-court issues,

b) you're a Raptors fan who remembers Whaley's inclusion as a throw-in in the trade that ended the Rafael Araujo Experience, or

c) you're a Jazz fan who remembers Whaley as being the fat one that was arrested alongside Deron Williams back in 2005, in an incident that saw them humiliate and besmirch themselves by giving false names to the police.

Either way, your memories of Robert Whaley probably aren't great.

A recurrent theme in that list, other than fail, is Whaley's trend of getting involved in off-the-court issues. Largely unbeknownst to me until today, Whaley has been making a habit of that over the last few years. In the early hours of this morning, per the Salt Lake Tribune, Whaley was a passenger in a car when he was arrested by "gang detectives", whatever they are, and found to have marijuana in his buttocks. Upon being processed, it also turned out that Whaley was a wanted fugitive in the state of Michigan after being convicted of running a drug house back in 2008. The obligatory mugshot follows.


2008 also marked the last time Whaley played professional basketball. And his career, dating back to the end of his high school years, was not exactly dignified. After almost winning Mr Basketball in the state of Michigan in 2001, Whaley spent two years at Barton County community college, averaging 16.9 points and 7.7 rebounds per game, before moving to Cincinnati for his junior season. (By the way, "Mr Basketball" is the lamest expression ever.) Once at Cincinnati, Whaley had more field goal attempts than points scored, and grabbed only 4.3 rebounds per 40 minutes, before being kicked off the team and forced to transfer.

Whaley moved to Walsh University, a team in the NAIA (and, not coincidentally, then-Cininnati head coach Bob Huggins's alma mater), and things finally improved a bit. Considering how far he'd moved down the basketball ladder, they kind of had to. Whaley averaged 19.9 points, 7.5 rebounds and 2.2 blocks per game, was named the NAIA Division 2 player of the year, and led Walsh to their first and only NAIA National Championship. That, plus the magical word "potential", was enough to get Whaley drafted that summer 51st overall. No matter that he was a terrible rebounder, wouldn't play defense, was out of shape, had rarely played to a standard worth a damn and hadn't played well when he did, was highly inconsistent, had a terrible attitude, big turnover problems and multiple off-court issues; he was a scoring big man who moved OK. And that's what the NBA needs most.

Whaley's first season in the NBA was also his last. It started ominously well when Whaley earned himself a two game suspension for throwing a punch at Adam Parada (then on the Lakers' training camp roster) in a preseason game. And then when he started playing, it got no better. In 23 games, Whaley averaged 2.3 points, 1.9 rebounds, 0.6 turnovers and 1.8 fouls per game, shooting 40% from the field and 50% from the line. For per-36 minute fans, that's 8.3 points, 7.3 rebounds, 7.0 fouls and 2.6 turnovers. Whaley then missed the majority of the season after knee surgery, and then topped off his season with the incident with Williams. Robert and Deron were both with a class C violation for lying to police after an early morning altercation at a club. A Denver Nuggets fan with the slightly awesome name of Affan Arslanagic (sounds more like a suppository) started having a go at Williams and Jazz team mate Robert Whaley in a club, eventually throwing a bottle at them. All three got thrown out of the place, but the fight continued in the street. When police arrived, Whaley said that his name was "Bobby Williams", and Williams said his name was "Torrey Ellis". I don't know why they did this.

At some point in the altercation, Whaley also cut his hand. He then lied about this to the Jazz, claiming that his infant son accidentally cut it with a knife. His cunning ruse was soon rumbled, however, and he was fined and suspended for two games by the team.

After the season ended, the Jazz traded Whaley as filler in the Kris Humphries/Rafael Araujo swap before draft night 2006. The Raptors two weeks later before draft night. Whaley has never sniffed the NBA again. He played on the Jazz's summer league team at the Rocky Mountain Revue in 2006 - even after they had traded him away a mere month before - and then split the 2006-07 season between the Dominican Republic, the ABA and Iran. In 2007/08 Whaley went to the D-League, but in 21 games with the Los Angeles D-Fenders he averaged only 4.2 points, 2.9 rebounds and 2.8 fouls in 12.9 minutes per game. This was the last professional basketball gig of his career; as outlined at the top of the post, it appears he found a new source of income elsewhere.

Whaley's criminal history also includes two felony counts of aggravated battery after partaking in some kind of brawl in 2003, to which he was sentenced to a year's probation. And that history is perhaps highlighted - if that's the right word - by a rape trial in 2001 involving a 13 year old girl. Whaley was eventually acquitted in that case after a mistrial was declared, but that's what first crippled his stock and necessitated the two years at community college.

You're getting the idea by now, though. Robert Whaley = fail. In fact, in a mini Twitter homage, we may now have to call him Failwhale.

Speaking of Twitter, Robert Whaley appears to have an account there, and he didn't even use an alias to do it. On it is what appears to the harrowing story of his son being knocked down and killed by a car this summer, as well as some slightly clingy messages to current Jazz players. Whaley has not used the account for a while, and he's probably not going to do so soon either.

Nevertheless, if I can find Robert Whaley just by searching Twitter, why couldn't Michigan State police?

Thunder acquire Eric Maynor and Matt Harpring for PETER FEHSE

I have only 48 things to say about this deal.

1) As his profile suggests, I have long regarded Peter Fehse as a yardstick for a person's NBA knowledge. If a fan knows who Peter Fehse is, they are freaking hardcore and deserve your respect.

Short story short, Peter Fehse is a lanky German with lots of hair, who was drafted in the second round in 2002 as an absolute longshot based on his combination of height and athleticism. He never amounted to anything NBA calibre, partly because he never had NBA calibre to begin with, but also because of constant injuries.

It has been over seven years since Peter Fehse was last heard of in NBA circles; indeed, he's barely even heard in German basketball cirles either. Fehse has not played this season, played in only two games last season, and did not play in 2007/08, all of which is due to injury. As long shot projects go, he was about as fail as a 49th pick can be, and is even more of a throw-in than Andy Betts was when he was traded for Peja Stojakovic in July 2006. Gotta love that.


2) Google the term "peter fehse" and see who's got the second result. This is partly why he's awesome.


3) Oklahoma City were able to make this trade because they had roughly $9 million's worth of cap room. As documented here, Oklahoma City had about as much cap room as anyone this summer, and could have bid on a number of quality players that filled a need (including Utah's very own Paul Millsap, whose new contract is ironically the reason for the need to salary dump in the first place.) They didn't do this, though, instead choosing to sign two of the worst players to have ever had ten or more year careers; Kevin Ollie and Ryan Bowen. Reasons like this are partly why; they maintain their cap flexibility for next summer, while using their untouched space to acquire talent during the season. Just like Memphis did in 2008/09. But more on that later.

It's interesting that they moved so early, too. With so many teams destined to be tax payers this year (14, at last count), you would think it'd be inevitable that, come trade deadline time, teams would be bending over in front of the Thunder, offering up penetration or whatever Sam Presti wanted if it meant that they could use some of the Thunder's cap space to save some of their excess salary. Yet instead of waiting for the deadline, Presti has acted two months early, and used it up on a projected backup. Maybe that was the best deal they can get. Maybe they have further plans for Harpring's expiring, and needed to get it while they still could. But it seems unlikely that Maynor and Harpring would have been the best available assets had they waited it out.

I guess they just really like Maynor. Perhaps a little too much so. We'll see how this works out come deadline day.


4) Fans of NBA teams never like salary dumps. They don't like seeing good basketball assets - particularly in the form of young players - being traded purely to save money, money that has been otherwise misspent in previous bad personnel moves. And that's good. They shouldn't.

But sometimes, it's the right thing to do. And this seems to be one such moment. With a payroll of $82,180,677 against a luxury tax figure of $69,920,000, the Jazz were on the hook for about $94.5 million in salary this season, their highest amount ever by over $20 million. Naturally, they're kind of not cool with that idea, especially since they're not off to the greatest start this season. So by dumping these two guaranteed salaries for no returning salary, the Jazz save oodles of cash.

(Can't be bothered to work it out exactly, but take away Harpring's salary and Maynor's salary from Utah's cap number, then take it away again in saved tax dollars, then add back on the replacement cost of the 13th player Utah is going to have to sign, and add back on whatever portion of Harpring's contract Utah was able to save on in insurance. That's your total saving. It's in the 8 figures worth. And for 8 figures worth of money, you can buy multiple replacement Maynors.

(By the way, this move brings the Jazz down to roughly $74 million in salary for this season. One more salary dumping move - potentially one involving Kyle Korver - then the Jazz might yet get under the tax threshold. If they do, then once tax rebates are included, their payroll will be nearer $64 million than $94 million. Are you really going to pay $30 million for two backup guards when you don't have to?)

(Don't ask who's going to take on Kyle Korver for no outgoing salary. Details, details.)


5) When Sam Presti uses cap space to acquire Eric Maynor for essentially nothing, he's deemed (in the early going) to be a genius. When Ed Stefanski uses a trade exception to get Rodney Carney and Jason Smith for essentially nothing, no one says anything. When Chris Wallace uses cap space to get Sam Young for essentially nothing, he's an idiot. It's all a matter of your perspective, I guess. (Or rather; it's all about what other people told you to think. Since Sam Presti is currently regarded as Golden Bollocks, in spite of the fact that he gave away Carl Landry for Sasha Kaun, then that's going to be the popular viewpoint of this deal. Which is fine. But so were the others, and yet no one listened then.)

6) The Thunder had to waive two players to accommodate the two incomers, and inevitably the settle upon Mike Wilks and Shaun Livingston. It's another setback for Livingston, who was playing reasonably well now that he's finally healthy again, but he should be able to get more work soon, particularly when 10 day contracts become available in a couple of weeks times.

Wilks is kind of used to this, but it must suck for him too.

7) The Jazz have only 12 players after this deal, so they have to sign someone. You can only have 12 players for two weeks at a time. They also now need a point guard. How about Shaun Livingston?

How I Lost My Virginity - The Bulls/Jazz Story

It seemed purposeless to re-post it, so I'll just link to instead.

On Tuesday night, I attended my first ever NBA game. It was only a preseason game - the Jazz versus the Bulls in London's o2 Arena - but it was something. I had to pop my cherry somewhere sometime, and this was it.

I wrote a 10,000 word write-up of the day. View it here, here or here. Perhaps you will find some enjoyment from it.

But it's not really a feel-good story.

Where Are They Now: 2009 Summer League Teams Part 3

It's been roughly two months since summer league started, and most of the players involved have been rehomed now. The following is a list of where everybody currently is, or where they might be going.

This list gets a bit long, so if you want to just skip to your favoured team, you can do so. I'll allow that.


New York Knicks

My initial summary


- Wink Adams: Adams is signed with Oyak Renault Bursa in Turkey. Wink Adams fact: an anagram of Wink Adams is "wankmaids." When I'm rich and famous, I'm hiring wankmaids. Fact.

- Alex Acker: Almost as soon as he was back in it, Acker is out of the NBA again. He is signed with Armani Jeans Milano in Italy.

- Blake Ahearn: See Nets/Sixers entry.

- Morris Almond: Almond is unsigned. I haven't heard anything about him agreeing to a training camp invite anywhere, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did. And I wouldn't be surprised if it was with the Knicks.

- Warren Carter: Unsigned.

- Joe Crawford: Crawford is, and always was, under contract through 2010. So he's going to camp.

- Toney Douglas: Douglas shot like crap in summer league, but passed for an impressive 7 assists per game. If he's going to try and reinvent himself as a point guard in the up-tempo system, then that's a pretty good start. However, the entire team shot less than 39% for the tournament, which is less complimentary of Douglas's offense-running skills.

- Patrick Ewing Jr: Ewing missed summer league with injuries. He is unsigned, and sounds like a training camp candidate.

- Jordan Hill: Jordan Hill may well prove to be the second best big man in this draft. This says more about the draft than Jordan Hill.

- Ron Howard: Unsigned.

- Yaroslav Korolev: For the Knicks to have thought they could have gotten anything out of Yaroslav Korolev was very, very ambitious. Although not nearly as ambitious as the Clippers drafting him in the first place. I can't find anything that either confirms or denies that Korolev will be with Dynamo Moscow again next year, but assume that he is until further notice.

- David Noel: Noel agreed to sign in France with Roanne back in June, and was still playing in the Philippines playoffs when summer league was going on. As a result, he never played for the Knicks.

- Mouhamed Sene: Sene was waived by the Knicks after summer league ended. He blocked 8 shots in 35 minutes of SL play, but, as ever, showed nothing else. He remains unsigned. Answer me this: who was the last player drafted in the lottery with absolutely no background success in the professional game before he was drafted, that went on to be actually be at least decent in the NBA? It wasn't Sene. It wasn't Korolev. And it wasn't the guy whose entry is two below this one, either. It's been a while.

- Rashaad Singleton: Singleton is unsigned. The ABA looks inevitable.

- Nikoloz Tskitishvili: Skita played well in summer league, blocking shots and shooting the good three pointer that he now lives by. With the recent proliferation of draft bust articles, it's hard to find any good Skita news. But as far as I know, he's unsigned.




Oklahoma City Thunder

My initial summary


- DeAngelo Alexander: Unsigned. Uninteresting.

- Marcus Dove: Likewise.

- Tony Durant: Durant also doesn't appear to be signed anywhere, but his Twitter makes it sound like he's having great fun anyway hanging around his brother's mates and meeting honeyz. Which is fair enough.

- Moses Ehambe: Ehambe is also unsigned and looks like a decent candidate to return to the D-League.

- James Harden: Will I stop saying "giggidy" after every mention of this man's name? Hopefully.

- DeVon Hardin: Will I stop saying "giggidy" after every mention of this man's name? Probably not. Hardin had a decent summer league, outplaying the guy he was backing up (B.J. Mullens), but he's unsigned as of right now.

- Kyle Hines: Hines is to spend a second season with Prima Veroli in Italy's LegaDue.

- Serge Ibaka: Ibaka signed with the Thunder, to a contract absolutely identical to that of Mullens. Such is the way of the rookie salary scale.

- Shaun Livingston: After waiving Earl Watson and trading Chucky Atkins, Livingston is now set to be OKC's primary backup point guard. Considering this man was being salary dumped 7 months ago, and couldn't play basketball two years ago, this is a hell of a result. Unless Kevin Ollie steals it from it.

- Keith McLeod: McLeod is unsigned. If he's looking for another NBA training camp invite, he's an optimist.

- B.J. Mullens: As if determined to make me stop saying "giggidy," B.J. wants to be known as Byron from now on. I refuse to co-operate.

- Richard Roby: In two summer leagues with the Thunder, Roby played all of 12 minutes. Thanks for all the travelling, Rick. He remains unsigned.

- Doug Thomas: Thomas played all of 1 minute more than Roby. Again, thanks for your patience. He too is unsigned, and if you want to know if he'll return to the mighty Sweden, then this is the website that will bring you that news. Eventually.

- Robert Vaden: Despite having "drafted in the NBA" on his resumé, the best Vaden could manage was a spot in Italy's LegaDue with Aget Imola.

- Kyle Weaver: Weaver turned it over quite a ridiculous amount in summer league, but played fairly well otherwise. By the way, is it just me, or does he look like Eddie Robinson?

- Russell Westbrook: Westbrook had a very good Orlando summer pro league. He continues to impress, sort of.

- D.J. White: Same goes for White, who might not welcome Ibaka's presence, but who has played well at every level so far. The difference in strength between the 2009 and 2008 drafts is pretty bloody spectacular, when you think about it.




Orlando Magic

My initial summary


- Maurice Ager: After three really bad years, Ager is out of the NBA, and has signed with Cajasol Sevilla in Spain.

- Lance Allred: Allred has signed in Italy's SerieA with NSB Original Marines Napoli, a team that was last year known as Solsonica Rieti and which weren't in Napoli. That list will happen, I promise thee. We'll add it to the site's to-do list, which currently features 55 things. (True story.)

- Ryan Anderson: A good addition. A good summer for Orlando, all told.

- Brian Chase: Chase has signed with C.B. Valladolid in Spain's ACB.

- Ronald Dupree: Dupree never played with the Magic after all. See Nuggets entry.

- Courtney Fells: Unsigned.

- Levance Fields: Fields is signed in Russia with Spartak St Petersburg.

- C.J. Giles: See Nuggets entry.

- Richard Hendrix: See Nuggets entry. By the way, Orlando and Denver played in different summer leagues, which explains all this duplication between the two rosters.

- Stevan Milosevic: Milsoevic turned it over 7 times in 16 minutes of summer league action, which is not bad going. As far as I can tell, he is unsigned.

- Jeremy Pargo: See Pistons entry.

- Kasib Powell: Powell is playing with Tyrell Biggs and A.J. Abrams with Trikalla in Greece. He says he's pretty much given up hope of making the NBA. But he's good enough to be in it, whether the league knows this or not.

- Milovan Rakovic: I'm not certain if Rakovic will return to Spartak St Petersburg to partner Fields, but it looks like he will.

- Jeremy Richardson: Richardson has signed with Aris Thessaloniki in Greece.

- Russell Robinson: Robinson is unsigned, and another year in the D-League makes sense, since he did actually develop there. And that's what it's for, after all.

- Darian Townes: See Jason Ellis, Nets/Sixers entry.




Phoenix Suns

My initial summary


- Kaspars Berzins: Berzins has signed with Fuenlabrada Madrid for next year.

- Josh Carter: Carter has signed with EWE Baskets Oldenburg in Germany.

- Earl Clark: Should he have gone ahead of former Louisville team mate Terrence Williams in the draft? Short answer: yep. Especially since the Nets spent all of last summer acquiring mediocre forwards. Don't see why they needed another one this year.

- Geary Claxton: Claxton is unsigned and looking for all the world like a D-League veteran in the making.

- Lee Cummard: Cummard is signed with ALBA Berlin in Germany.

- Zabian Dowdell: Dowdell impressed in summer league, and is looking for an NBA offer. If he doesn't get one, he has a standing offer from Italy, but it's in LegaDue. And Dowdell is above that.

- Micah Downs: Downs is the other American signed with KK Zadar in Croatia, alongside Trent Plaisted.

- Goran Dragic: Dragic's last two months of his rookie season weren't bad. His first 4 were awful, but there's always going to be an adjustment period. His summer league performance was pretty good, too, so maybe we can pretend his bad start didn't happen. But now would not be the time for a sophomore slump.

- Taylor Griffin: Griffin has signed with the Suns; a two year minimum contract with $250,000 guaranteed in the first year, and a completely unguaranteed second year that becomes $200,000 guaranteed if he makes the 2010/11 opening day roster. It looks like he really is going to play in the NBA after all.

- Jiri Hubalek: Hubalek is signed with Banco di Sardegna Sassari in Itaky's LegaDue.

- Takuya Kawamura: Kawamura went back to Japan and Tochigi Brex. He had his four minutes of NBA PT, what more does he want?

- Robin Lopez: I still believe.

- Carlos Powell: Powell has an offer from Carmatic, the LegaDue team also after Dowdell. He remains unsigned.

- Chris Rodgers: Rodgers was released early by the Suns and has not signed anywhere since.

- Alando Tucker: Am I the only person that gets Alando Tucker and Arron Afflalo mixed up? I hope not. I feel stupid enough already.




Portland Trail Blazers

My initial summary


- Deji Akindele: Akindele is signed with Xacobeo BluSens Obradoiro in Spain's ACB.

- Jerryd Bayless: Welcome to the deepest part of the bench, Jerryd Bayless. Don't worry, the whole league still rates you as some kind of future superstar, so you'll be fine in the long run. By the way, Bayless turned it over more than 6 times a game in summer league.

- Dante Cunningham: Signed to a two year fully guaranteed minimum salary deal. You heard it here first. Well, OK, you heard it here second, because you heard it here first. But I had a hand in that too. I'm a mover and shaker, don't you know. Got my hand in everything. Giggidy.

- Uche Echefu: Unsigned.

- Matt Freije: Freije, a newly Christened Lebanese national, just signed in his homeland with Al Riyadi.

- Thomas Gardner: Unsigned, and it doesn't look like the Hawks want him back.

- Pooh Jeter: Jeter is unsigned, as evidenced by his Twitter, where he also proves that he can't spell for shit. His sister Carmelita won a bronze at the 2009 World Atheltics Championships last month, and she also has the finest name in the world. Carmelita Jeter. Good stuff.

- Bobby Jones: Jones is signed with Banca Tercas Teramo in Italy.

- Joe Krabbenhoft: Krabbenhoft is unsigned. His Twitter suggests a lot of holidaying and some succinct world views.

- Patrick Mills: Mills is unsigned. He probably wouldn't have been, but he broke his foot early in the summer. He may still sign.

- Dwayne Mitchell: Mitchell is signed with Hapoel Holon in Israel.

- David Moss: Moss is signed with La Fortezza Bologna in Italy.

- Drew Neitzel: Neitzel is signed with ES Chalon-Sur-Saone in France.

- David Padgett: Padgett is signed with U.B. La Palma in Spain's LEB Gold (second division).

- Jeff Pendergraph: Pendergraph has not yet signed with the Blazers, but he will do soon.




Sacramento Kings

My initial summary


- Robert Battle: Battle's surprise NBA sojourn is over with. Last year he was one of the best big men in the LEB Gold with Valladolid, helping them win promotion tot he ACB; he's gone back there for this season to consolidate his success.

- Jon Brockman: Brockman has not yet signed with the Kings, which, considering how high they picked him and how much rebounding help they need, seems a little strange. He figures to sign later.

- John Bryant: Unsigned. An 80 year old man of the same name recently went missing, which makes John Bryant news hard to find.

- Pat Calathes: Calathes is to spend a second season with Costa Cafe Marousi in Greece.

- Omri Casspi: Signed with the Kings; as soon as he sets foot on the floor in a regular season game, he'll be the first Israeli to play in the NBA. Although don't you go thinking that Yotam Halperin and Lior Eliyahu couldn't do it.

- Tyreke Evans: It has already been announced that Evans will start at point guard for the Kings. Thank Christ for that.

- Donte Greene: Greene was less selfish in this year's summer league than last year's, which is like saying that Pol Pot felt slightly less genocidal than usual at Christmas. Greene also shot less than 30%, so maybe some more passing was in order.

- Spencer Hawes: In case you missed it, Hawes didn't turn up to summer league, and didn't tell the Kings that he was doing this. Bad times. Stupid times, really.

- Marcus Landry: Unsigned, but had a good summer league. Training camp contract? Maybe.

- Wesley Matthews: Same as Landry, although he didn't do quite as well.

- Jerel McNeal: Also unsigned. Played fairly well in summer league, too, but didn't have as much opportunity.

- Brian Roberts: Roberts is signed with Brose Baskets Bamberg in Germany.

- Victor Stowes: Stowes signed in Venezuela with Espartanos de Margarita, a team that just took a seven year hiatus for reasons I don't know.

- Jason Thompson: Thompson didn't play in summer league, either. Did he need to?

- Ryan Toolson: Toolson is signed with Pinar Karsiyaka SK Izmir in Turkey.




San Antonio

My initial summary


- Antonio Anderson: Anderson is unsigned. D-League, presumably.

- Romel Beck: Beck is unsigned, and only yesterday was kicked off of the Mexican national team for being too selfish. He was leading them in scoring at the time, so he must have been REALLY selfish.

- DeJuan Blair: Signed a four year contract, the first two years fully guaranteed, the final two years fully unguaranteed with guarantee dates to come. Use the salaries pages.

- Eric Dawson: Dawson is signed with the Mitsubishi Diamond Dolphins in Japan.

- Nando De Colo: Coco De Colo is signed with Valencia in the ACB.

- Alonzo Gee: Unsigned. That reminds me, I've still got to watch Alabama versus Auburn from like 6 months ago.

- James Gist: Unsigned.

- Malik Hairston: Going to camp with the Spurs. Contract is $50,000 guaranteed.

- George Hill: Will back up Tony Parker once again, and will do it bloody well.

- Carldell 'Squeaky' Johnson: Unsigned, presumed D-League returnee.

- Stephane Lasme: Lasme is signed with Maccabi Tel-Aviv in Israel.

- Ian Mahinmi: Now is the time to show something. I appreciate that injuries killed his year last year, but Mahinmi still hasn't done a damn thing yet, and the Spurs don't have money to waste.

- Jack McClinton: McClinton shot like crap in summer league, but might go to camp anyway. But if he does, it's unlikely he makes the team.

- Donell Taylor: Unsigned.

- Marcus Vinicius: Vinicius is signed with Sigma Coatings Montegranaro in Italy's SerieA.




Toronto Raptors

My initial summary


- Paul Davis: The sexually immature Davis is unsigned, and hasn't got the full MLE contract that he predicted.

- DeMar Derozan: He'll be somewhere in the Raptors rotation at some point, but Bryan Colangelo needs to remember that you can have indeed too much depth. So don't bring in any more two's now, Bryan.

- David Doblas: Doblas is committed to a third year at Lagun Aro, the ACB team that used to be a LEB Gold team named Bruesa-Guipuzcoa. Confusing, really.

- Quincy Douby: Douby is still with the Raptors, despite everyone around him being culled. He's currently the 15th man on a 15 man roster, but that's also all he needs.

- Carl English: English is signed with Caja Laboral Vitoria in the ACB.

- Ekene Ibekwe: Ekenechukwu is signed with Kepez Bld Antalya in Turkey.

- Nathan Jawai: See Dallas entry.

- Demetris Nichols: Having been both a member of the Bulls and Knicks last year, and having been a member of Raptors summer league, and having had a workout with the Pacers earlier this summer, it's fair to say that Nichols is on the cusp of the NBA. As a result, he'll probably go back to the D-League. He may even get a camp invite.

- Patrick O'Bryant: O'Bryant's now-guaranteed contract seems to ensure that he'll be a Raptor next year, if only an inactive list Raptor.

- Smush Parker: Parker is unsigned.

- Brent Petway: Petway is signed with Ilysiakos Athens in Greece.

- Shawn Taggart: Taggart is unsigned, and if anyone knows the meaning behind the "murder" joke that I'm temmpted to make here, then you're a bad bad man. Should have stayed in school, really.

- Roko Ukic: Ukic is now a Buck, just one of their many pointless acquisitions this summer. You can probably tell that I'm less than enthralled by their summer.




Utah Jazz

My initial summary


- James Augustine: See Chicago entry.

- Jimmy Baron: Baron shot the ball well for Jazz, although in fairness all he did was shoot the ball. He did enough to win a spot with Mersin in Turkey, which is why he didn't need to play any more summer league (see below).

- Cedric Bozeman: The Boze Man is unsigned and looks like a logical candidate to return to the D-League, what with all the progress he made there last year.

- Derrick Brown: Brown has signed with Charlotte to a two year minimum salary contract. First year is fully guaranteed, second year is $100,000 with multiple guarantee dates.

- Josh Duncan: Duncan's summer league exploits (57 points on 29 shots) landed him a spot with Liege Basket in Belgium.

- Andre Ingram: Ingram is unsigned. A third straight season with the Flash (AAA-AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!) looks to be in order.

- Kosta Koufos: Koufos played useful minutes on a contending team. The Jazz have great big man depth, and he's partly why.

- Kevin Kruger: Kruger is signed with Original Marines Napoli in Italy.

- Kevin Lyde: Lyde is signed with Eisbaeren Bremerhaven in Germany, thus sparing Jazz fans the inevitability of him coming to training camp again.

- Wesley Matthews: See Kings entry.

- Eric Maynor: Question for Jazz fans: does Maynor play ahead of Ronnie Price next year, or behind him? And if it's behind, why?

- Goran Suton: Suton has not yet signed, be it with the Jazz or with anyone. If he signs with the Jazz, he'll be very lucky to make the team, so he's best served using his Bosnian passport to land a nice European gig somewhere. I've heard that Italy is nice.

- Dar Tucker: Unsigned. Dar Tucker fact: Dar Tucker's name "Dar" is short for "Darquavis", which is one of the most unique names you'll ever hear.

- Larry Turner: The people's champion is signed in Spain with Fundacion Adepal Alcazar. But they're not in the ACB. Nor are they inthe LEB Gold. They're in the LEB Silver, the third tier of Spanish basketball. Larry Turner, everybody. A big hand please.

- Gary Wilkinson: Wilkinson was taken in the KBL draft and will play for Dongbu Promy next year.




Washington Wizards

My initial summary


- Alade Aminu: Unsigned.

- Dwayne Anderson: Unsigned.

- Ryan Ayers: Unsigned. Good start to the list, this.

- Jimmy Baron: Baron didn't play for the Wizards; see above.

- Andray Blatche: Blatche put the three pointer to bed in this summer league. Maybe he's figuring it out. He's also changed his number to #7 for no obvious reason.

- Javaris Crittenton: With Gilbert Arenas returning, Randy Foye and Mike Miller arriving, DeShawn Stevenson and Nick Young returning, and Mike James hanging around whether the Wizards like it or not, where the hell is Crittenton going to play next year? Considering they just gave up a first round draft pick to get him (admittedly only returning a heavily protected one), they're surely going to have to find somewhere.

- John Edwards: Edwards has signed abroad for only the second time in his professional career, going to join Kolossos Rhodes in the Greek league. He's now 28, and exactly the same player as he was when he was 22, so maybe he's conceded the NBA dream and is now looking for paychecks.

- Josh Heytvelt: Heytvelt played in every Wizards summer league game, even starting 1, but he didn't do a lot. He has since signed in Turkey with Oyak Renault Bursa, alongside Wink Adams and a guy called Ufuk Kacar. Good names all.

- James Lang: Unsigned.

- Javale McGee: JaVale McGee doesn't like me very much.

- Dominic McGuire: D-Mac remains on the Wizards roster. His contract is fully unguaranteed and has no guarantee date, so it costs the Wizards nothing to keep him around until training camp. But to stay beyond that, he'll have to show something. The 5.5 points and 3.5 turnovers per game on 20% shooting that he totalled in summer league isn't getting it done.

- Tywain McKee: McKee signed in what's left of the Australian league today with the Wollogong Hawks. It probably didn't help that he shot 9% in summer league.

- Tyrese Rice: Rice is signed with Greece with Panionios, where he'll pair up in the backcourt with B.J. Elder (giggidy). Considering that the two are pretty similar, it doesn't sound like a great idea.

- Jason Rich: Rich turned a blistering 21% shooting performance in summer league into a nice little contract with Maccabi Haifa in Israel. Maccabi Haifa have probably made more news this summer for their signing of Jeremy Tyler, but it's still a good placement for Rich.

- Alex Ruoff: Ruoff didn't play with the Wizards in summer league. He didn't need to, because he signed with Belgacom Liege quite a while ago.

- Diamon Simpson: The highly likeable Simpson never actually made the Wizards summer league team; he, along with Anderson, Ayers and Lang were the cuts made from a mini camp the Wizards held before summer league play started. Simpson remains unsigned.

- Kyle Spain: Spain is not signed in Spain, annoyingly, but is instead signed with the Passe-Partout Leuven Bears in Belgium. Hell of a name, that.

- Brandon Wallace: Wallace is unsigned, but he's not going back to Poland.

- Nick Young: If Washington starts Foye at shooting guard, like they should do and like they've threatened to, then how do Stevenson and Young divvy up the backup minutes? Will Young beat out Stevenson? He should do, considering Stevenson has the offensive ability of Mother Teresa on a particularly charitable day. But I'm not yet convinced that he will.

More Creative Financing In The NBA

Here's a longer list of things that were not included in the original Creative Financing post, either because I forgot to include them, or (in one instance) because the sweet prince who called our hotline with the information had not yet come forward. Remember; all calls are anonymous and you could receive a cash reward for information.

(Wait, no you couldn't. That's the slogan they use on Crimewatch. Ignore that.)


- As a part of the new scheme of turning this website's salary information from a static exhibit into a working reconstruction of life in First World War France, there now exists a page that lists all remaining salary cap exceptions for every NBA team. Of note on this list is the curious case of Channing Frye, the former Blazers and Knicks forward whose transformation from the next Dirk Nowitzki to the next Malik Allen is almost complete. The Suns signed Frye last month to a 2 year, $4,139,200 contract; not coincidentally, that is the same amount as the full value of the Bi-Annual Exception. However, the Suns didn't actually use their Bi-Annual Exception to sign him. Knowing that they wouldn't be using the full MLE to sign somebody due to their payroll concerns, the Suns cleverly (and creatively) used an equivalent chick of their mid level exception instead. As the name would suggest, you get to use the Bi-Annual Exception a maximum of once every two years, so if the Suns used it this year, they wouldn't get it next year. But if they roll it over, they do. It's pretty shrewd, when you think about it.

(Teams that should have done this but didn't include Washington - who used their BAE on Fabricio Oberto, and who won't use their MLE - and Chicago - who used their BAE on Jannero Pargo and who also won't use their MLE; however, if their plan for 2010 cap space comes off, it won't matter.)


- Less shrewd is the fact that the Suns appear to have used most of the rest of their MLE on re-signing Grant Hill. The fact that he got only an 8% raise in the second year of his contract backs this up. Why would the Suns do this? They had Early Bird rights on him, meaning that they could re-sign him to a contract beginning at the value of the mid level exception, without using the actual mid level exception to do so. They would also have been able to give Hill a 10.5% increase from the first year to the second. But, as I've said above, they didn't. Indeed, it appears they used their MLE to re-sign him. So either the document I'm looking at is wrong, the Suns renounced Hill at some point for no reason whatsoever, or the Suns just used their MLE when they completely and totally didn't need to.

If you're a Suns executive, feel free to set me straight on this.


- The Blazers' offer sheet to restricted Jazz free agent Paul Millsap was oft described as "toxic". The four year offer sheet started at $7,692,932 - which represents every last dollar that Portland had under the salary cap - before dipping to an even $7,600,000 in the second year. The final two years were for $8,103,435 and $8,603,633 respectively, bringing the contract's total worth to an even $32 million.

Furthermore, the Blazers did something fairly rare when they included a maximum 17.5% signing bonus into the contract; put simply, this means that Millsap receives 17.5% ($5.6 million) of the entire value of the contract up front. They did this so that it might deter the Jazz (pressed financially this season) not to match it. But ballsily, they did so. And doing so will work in their favour in the long run; for the next three seasons of his deal, whichever team owns Millsap will have $1.4 million less in obligations to pay him than his listed salary will indicate. If ever they decide to trade him, this will be a welcome reprive for the recipient team.

You probably knew all that, but there it is again anyway.


- What you may not have known is a strange thang that happened afterwards. The Blazers had to go on a hell of a renouncing binge in order to be able to make that offer sheet, and they purged some of the game's all time greats from their salary cap in order to do so. [Note: for a fuller explanation of renouncing and cap holds and stuff, go here.] Finally cleans from Portland's page of the salary report were the seminal names of Chris Dudley, Channing Frye, Raef LaFrentz, Voshon Lenard, Shavlik Randolph, Michael Ruffin, Luke Schenscher and Detlef Schrempf, some of whom had been out of the league for years, and none of whom meant anything to the Blazers.

However, after the Jazz matched the offer sheet, the Blazers unrenounced Shavlik Randolph. [You're allowed to unrenounce people in only one circumstance; when your enounced them in order to sign a RFA to an offer sheet, which then gets matched.] This meant that Randolph was now put back onto their salary figure, once again available to be signed and traded, but most significantly eating into their cap space.

Why is this important? It isn't. It might have been had it meant that they couldn't then afford to sign Andre Miller, but they could, and thus the Randolph unrenouncement made no impact on anything ever. All it means is that, if they decide to re-sign Randolph, they now have non-Bird rights on him as opposed to no rights at all. This means next to nothing, though, since Non-Bird rights are about as much use as a paper condom. Randolph's previous salary was the minimum salary, and all the non-Bird rights allow is for the Blazers to re-sign him for 120% of next year's minimum salary, something which they aren't going to do. If they're going to bring back Randolph, it's going to be for the minimum, and since the internet currently contains unsubstantiated rumours which state that the Blazers will be bringing Juwan Howard to training camp this year, it doesn't sound like they're even going to bring Shavlik back for that.

So then, why did they do it? Well, why not, I say. I got a blog post out of it. Everyone's a winner.


- Would you like an example of how trade bonuses (kickers) work? Hope so, because you're about to get one. Feel free to skip it if you're easily bored.

The following is how John Salmons' trade bonus was calculated after his trade from Sacramento to Chicago back in February.

Salmons' 2008/09 salary before the trade was for $5,104,000, followed by $5,456,000 in 2009/10, and finally an extra season in 2011/12 for $5,808,000 that Salmons had an early termination option on. He was traded on February 18th, the 114th day of the season. Including the day of the trade, there were 57 days remaining in the season.

There are 170 days in an NBA regular season. If you don't believe me, count them yourself; since this is dull and boring to do, I implore you to believe me. As 113 days of the season gone, so had 113/170ths of Salmons' salary for that season; therefore, only 57/170ths of that season's salary was still "remaining".

Therefore, the amount of Salmons' remaining salary (including the option year) was for $12,975,341. That total breaks down as following:

Remaining salary, 2010/11 - $5,808,000
Remaining salary, 2009/10 - $5,456,000
Remaining salary, 2008/09 - $1,711,341 ($5,104,000 divided by 170, times 57)

(Note: salary that falls under option years is not normally to be included in "remaining salary" when calculating trade bonuses; however, Early Termination Option years are the exception.)

Salmons had a 15% trade kicker, the maximum allowed under the CBA. This means that, in the event that he was traded, he'd get an extra 15% of his remaining salary as a bonus, in order to ease the pain of having to move from one luxury privileged job to another. 15% of his remaining salary was $1,946,301; this was the amount of his trade kicker.

That trade bonus is spread across the cap evenly amongst the remaining amount of guaranteed years of the contract. Option years are NOT included, and the trade kicker is NOT prorated like the amount of remaining salary was above. Therefore, Salmons' $1,946,301 bonus was to be split evenly between the two remaining guaranteed non-option seasons of his contract; 2008/09 and 2009/10; $973,151 for each season.

As a result, Salmons' new salary numbers became $6,077,151 (2008/09), $6,429,151 (2009/10) and $5,808,000 (2010/11, ETO).

Just trust me that that was more boring to type than it was to read.



- Eddy Curry does not have conditional guarantees in his contract relating to his weight. Nor does Glen Davis. Nor does Jerome James. But perhaps they all should do, because it's entirely possible. Two such contracts have been signed this summer; the Grizzlies' contract of Marcus Williams is for the minimum salary of $855,189 ($825,497 on the Grizz's cap), with guaranteed compensation of $500,000. The remaining $355,189 becomes guaranteed in 15 different stages; on 15 separate dates throughout the season, Williams has to turn up weighing equal to or less than 207 pounds, and a body fat amount of less than 10%. Each time he does so, he's guaranteed an extra $23,679. Similarly, the Kings signed Sean May to a one year minimum salary contract of $884,881 ($825,497 on their cap); however, only $784,881 of it is guaranteed. The other $100,000 becomes guaranteed if May weighs equal to or less than 265 pounds on September 30th OR October 27th.

(The word "or" is an interesting qualifier there. It's not mine.)


- Ever since Kiki Vanderweghe cemented their future with the Kenyon Martin contract, his replacement Mark Warkentein has had to work very hard to avoid the luxury tax. When you commit a near-9 figure contract to a guy worth less than half of it, cap management becomes all the more important, particularly when you have a genuine max player to pay as well, and an owner who owns a brilliant football team,but who isn't too keen on the idea of tax.

Warkentein didn't start well, paying Nene $60 million that he hadn't earned on the premise that he might do one day, and giving Reggie Evans a completely unnecessary 5 year contract to be the backup to the backup. But since then, he and the Nuggets have turned it around. Nene has lived up to his presumptuous salary, and Denver was able to take advantage of the always generous Billy King when they dumped off Evans's salary for that of Steven Hunter, a slightly smaller one that was also one year shorter. They've since been able to move that deal onto the Grizzlies, for the cost of some cash and a first round pick, completely absolving themselves of the deal. They made a similar deal towards the deadline last year, when they were able to move Chucky Atkins' salary to Oklahoma City in exchange for Johan Petro's smaller deal. They gave up a first round pick to do so, but they received a second round pick in the deal too. (The first rounder they gave up was the 26th pick in last year's draft, and the pick they got back was the 34th; let it be known that I'd rather have an unsigned Sergio Llull than a signed Taj Gibson.) Warkentien also managed to create the fine Allen Iverson deal, where the Nuggets got the better player and saved a boatload of short term salary in doing so. The Nuggets have managed the rare but special feat of being able to save money and improve their basketball product at the same time, not letting the bad Martin deal cripple their short and long term improvements. We should look up to that.

Unfortunately, they're going to struggle to dodge the tax again. Even after the Hunter dump, the Nuggets are still awkwardly in the tax territory and with less than a full roster to speak of. It's already cost them Linas Kleiza, and they don't have any more basketball assets that they can really lose. As such, they've had to get creative. And that's where Ty Lawson comes in.

It's never really mentioned, because it's never really important, but most rookie scale contracts contain performance incentives. So widespread is it, in fact, that every first rounder signed this season has them except for Tyreke Evans, Jonny Flynn, Austin Daye, Eric Maynor, Darren Collison and Wayne Ellington. (Yes, even Blake Griffin has them.) Lawson has them, too, and his case gives us a fine example of quite what these incentives can be. To earn the full 120% of his rookie contract that he signed for, Lawson has got to make five promotional appearances for the Nuggets, play in summer league, play in another two week summer skills and conditioning program, and play 900 minutes next season. As well as do all that suitcase carrying and doughnut fetching that's considered mandatory for a rookie in the NBA. (Although the contract doesn't stipulate the suitcase and doughnuts bit.)

In signing Lawson to a deal like this, the Nuggets may have given themselves a small saving this season, which gets them one step closer to breaking even. Since all money saved by the Nuggets is all money that can potentially be spent by Arsenal, I'm all for this.


- And finally, another example of how not to creatively finance. Does it involve Otis Smith? Oh yes. Yes it does.

In the weeks leading up to the start of last season, the Magic decided they needed a third string point guard. They were right. They did. They only had two, and one of them was Anthony Johnson. One injury to Jameer Nelson, and Ol' Fatneck would suddenly become their only option. At that point, they might as well just fold the franchise. (Or trade for Rafer Alston. Same sort of thing.)

They hunt around, and eventually pick a good one. They decide upon signing Mike Wilks, a career journeyman who puts the journeyman into journeyman. Since leaving Rice University in 2001, Wilks has spent various amounts of time with the Kings, Bucks, Hawks, Timberwolves, Rockets, Bulls, Spurs, Cavaliers, Sonics, Nuggets and the Wizards. He has appeared in 229 games over parts of six seasons, and there's a reason he's been getting all these look-ins; he's all right. Wilks will always be disadvantaged by his 5'10 frame, but he's not bad.

With that in mind, the Magic signed Wilks to an unguaranteed contract for training camp, somewhat expecting him to make the team but absolving themselves of all liability if something better came along. However, during a preseason game on October 16th, Wilks tore his knee up. Badly. He completely tore his ACL, slightly tore his MCL, and badly sprained his meniscus, knocking him out for the season. Because he was under contract to the Magic at the time, the Magic were now liable for his salary until he returned to full health.(That's the rule. Same as any job, really.) And this meant his contract became guaranteed.

This is why the Magic kept Wilks on the roster for half a season, despite him not playing any games; they were stuck with paying him anyway, so they might as well keep him around. They only shifted him from the roster when they were able to include him as salary figure in the Alston trade, sending him to the Grizzies, with whom he stayed on the roster until the end of the year. That was Mike Wilks's year in a nutshell - two teams, 7 months, 1 injury, 0 minutes played, over a million dollars earned. Could have been worse, I suppose.

The same thing happened to the Heat. Always willing to play the training camp game, Miami obliged us once again last year by bringing in the full compliment of 20, even when most of the extra signings (Omar Barlett, Tre Kelley, Eddie Basden, Matt Walsh, David Padgett) had no real chance of making the team. Along with Padgett, they signed former Davidson point guard Jason Richards right after summer league, to a contract that had only $50,000 guaranteed. However, Richards too blew out his knee, and so the Heat were liable for his salary until the day he recovered. And that saw them have to pay him for the full season.

The worst part about it all was that Richards's now-guaranteed salary meant that the Heat were now going to be taxpayers, when previously they'd budgeted to be just under it. As a result, they had to salary dump Shaun Livingston, now the Thunder's premier backup. Bad times.

The lesson here; if you're a decent basketball player, but of only a fringe NBA talent, do your damndest to get a training camp gig somewhere. Accept $0 guaranteed money if you have to. Just sign the contract. And then take a dive. It's a particularly good idea if you're broke. Antoine Walker, take note.

(This isn't just an excuse to take cheap shots at Orlando, by the way. Wilks was a good signing, an NBA calibre third string point guard, with whom they just happened to get highly unlucky. They did nothing wrong; these things just happen sometimes. It is, however, an eye opener. These are things that you don't really consider a possibility until they happen. Dallas had better find an Erick Dampier-sized straight jacket next summer.)

Kirk Snyder Arrested For Beating Someone Up In Their Sleep

WCPO.com: Former Jazz, Rockets, Hornets and Timberwolves swingman Kirk Snyder arrested for aggravated burglary and felonious assault.

Warren County Deputies say the player who helped put the University of Nevada-Reno in the Sweet 16 in March 2004 has been arrested for aggravated burglary and felonious assault in Deerfield Township.

Deputies arrested Kirk Snyder early Monday morning at his residence in the 5300 block of Commonwealth Drive in the Beacon Hill townhouses.

Officers say just before 4 a.m., a resident on Commonwealth Drive heard glass breaking downstairs in her house. She tells police when she got up to investigate, a tall man pushed her aside and ran to the upstairs bedroom where he began to assault her sleeping husband. She says while he was beating her husband, she was able to pull the hood away from covering his head and the assailant then fled out the back door where he had broken in.

Deputies say their investigation and a canine led deputies to Snyder’s nearby residence where he was taken into custody within minutes of the offense.

Snyder averaged 34 points and 10 rebounds in China last season, well on the way to rebuilding his NBA resumé. He was staring down a spot on a training camp roster somewhere next year, and should never have fallen out of the NBA in the first place. But apparently all this was secondary to the opportunity of beating a man in front of his wife while he slept.

(Allegedly.)

Great plan, fella.




Additionally, any allegations that I may have recently beaten the living crap out of a hooker in a hotel room are false, and tant amount to scandalous lies.

Why John Freakin' Stockton Was So Freakin' Fantastic

A conversation with a friend about the awesomeness/awfulness of DeSagana Diop - and you can probably guess which side of the fence I am on regarding that - led to me to write about how great John Stockton is.

Come re-live that fun journey with me.



I try and keep an open mind on certain basketball philosophies. There are some players out there whose worth on the court is so mysterious that you really have to question their very presence on it, and yet, for whatever reason, they remain out there. A lot of them get regular rotation minutes. Some of them get regular rotation minutes on decent or good teams. And I always endeavour to understand why.

As an example, for many years, Jason Collins started on the New Jersey Nets. Not only did he start, but he would also play over twenty minutes a game (up to the tune of 31.8 in 2004/05). A quick glance at his statistics, though, makes you wonder why the hell this was. Collins has never shot over 43% in a season, which must be pretty dumbfoundingly difficult to do as a 7 footer, especially an athletic 7 footer with Jason Kidd as your point guard. (Even Michael Ruffin managed this once, and he did it armed with Bryce Drew leading the breaks. Bryce effing Drew.) Collins also has a rebounding average worse than Eddy Curry's, with a career average of a tumultuous 8.8 boards per 48 minutes. And worst of all was his PER, which last year was a can't-even-think-of-an-adjective-shit-enough-for-it 3.3. (Only this year, when it hit 3.1, did the Nets think "hmmm, maybe we could find a player with a more positive impact on the game if we try". Impressively, they did.)

I listened to arguments as to why Collins merited the court time that he got. On a good team, he would play more than half the game, despite seemingly not doing a single thing well. I watched closely and tried to figure out what it was that he was good at, and I listened to people paid to be flattering about him (i.e. Iain Eagle) try and polish this turd as shiny as it could get. I could see that Collins was a versatile defensive player, big and strong enough to defend the tough post players, but also fleet footed and agile enough to stay in front of the quicker tall forwards as they made their way to the basket. I also understood that he was Jesus Collins, Lord Of The Handoff (giggidy), and that while he couldn't grab any rebounds of his own, he cleared out the lane well enough while boxing out for guards to come in and sweep rebounds off of the floor. (See?!? Kidd owes all those rebounds to Collins! And his rebounding during tenures on previous teams were just lucky.) I also accepted the argument that maybe Nets head coach Lawrence Frank had a raging man-boner for him and just couldn't let it subside, for this argument is often applicable to NBA coaches. (See also: Chris Duhon with Jim Boylan, Lindsey Hunter with Flip Saunders, and Orien Greene with anybody to have ever coached him.)

I considered it all. And then I disregarded it all. This was because - and let's be honest here - Jason Collins was (is) a massive huge great big fat negative of a basketball player. There's no point in being a little things player if you can't do any of the big things well. And anyway, shouldn't "little things" players be able to shoot above 50% from the free throw line?

(Oh and by the way, how in the hell did Collins go from a near-80% shooter to below the Wallace Line in 4 short years? What changed? How do certain players - usually big men - manage to get so bad from the line so easily as they approach their prime years? See also: Magloire, Jamaal)

A similar situation occurs with DeSagana Diop. For whatever reason - and this has become much more prevalent since he was traded away - columnists and idiots alike would eulogise The Diop as if he were some kind of integral piece to the Mavericks championship puzzle, ignoring for a moment the fact that the Mavericks didn't actually have a championship puzzle (but that's a rant for another day). Indeed, Karate Diop is better than Jason Collins, which makes the situation slightly less deplorable. And Lasagna did give the Mavericks a skill with his rudimentary shot blocking that they otherwised lacked outside of the misshapen marvel that is Rick Dampier.

[Please feel free to look elsewhere while I burn through my own supply of extremely bad self devised DeSagana Diop nicknames. I'll get over it soon.]

But overall, DeSagana Diop was not, is not, and will probably never be a good basketball player. He used to be abhorrent, so his status as a reasonable to crappy backup centre is an improvement, yet this alone does not make him good.

This was the hard line stance that I took in our conversation, and prepared to back up my claim by using a piece of trivia that I last used in March 2006, about how Diop was on course to spend the most full seasons in the NBA of any player to average less than 2 points per game for his career (and "full seasons" is a key distinction there). However, to use this piece of trivia, I had to check that it was still true.

Sadly, it wasn't. A recent offensive explosion and the subsequent giddying heights of three points per game with the Mavericks this season have boosted Garnerchop to a career average of 2.1 points per game (or that's it was at the time of writing - if he's been on a scoring rampage since then, adjust accordingly), which undermined my premise and made me feel rather empty inside. How could I talk about Daisy Gardener being one of the worst offensive players of all time when he averages quite such a tremendous amount of points? I felt like such a twat.

Still, not one to be outdone, I rebounded (unlike Jason Collins), and offered up something new in my constant quest to win petty arguments with uninteresting trivia. While looking up Jop's career points average, I also happened to notice that his career high in points in a single game is a fantastic 10 points, achieved 4 times, 2 of which came this season. (Michael Ruffin has a career high of 14, for those keeping score at home, and you've probably noticed by now that I like to use The Muffin as my barometer when it comes to mentioning historically bad offensive players. His profile explains this in more depth.)

Those 4 explosive outings came in 409 career games. How can a man not score more than 10 points in 409 games? How is that possible? Wouldn't you do it by accident one day? At one point, wouldn't your teammates decide that enough is enough and conspire to give you enough touches to crack that elusive 11 point barrier? (And these things do happen, if your team is bad enough. See Mark Madsen's seven three point attempts in a single game in the most disgustingly shameless piece of tanking in NBA history.)

Seemingly, his teammates haven't ever thought of this. So if the Nets fall out of the playoff race this season, on purpose or otherwise, then we need to push this agenda forward. Let's get Diop to 20. In fact, 15 will do. Someone start a t-shirt campaign.



Anyway, this piece of fascinating Senegalese trivia led me on to another related one.

In 1504 career games, John Stockton never once grabbed at least 10 rebounds in a regular season game. Stockton also never had ten steals in a game either, meaning that ne never achieved a triple double, which is pretty astonishing for a man who averaged a double double over 19 seasons and 1504 games. (Note - he did once have a triple double in a playoff game, but it pisses on my chips a little to mention that, so pretend that it didn't happen.)

This discovery, which is surely a harder feat to not-achieve than Diop's points total, led me into an exploration of the man and the legend that was John Freakin' Stockton, and led me to compile this concise but considerable list of reasons quite why he was brilliant.


REASON NUMBER 1: John Freakin' Stockton played 1504 games in 19 NBA seasons, and for those doing the maths at home, this means that he only missed 22 games in his entire career. He had perfect attendance records in 17 of his 19 seasons, playing all 82 games in 16, all 50 games in the strike shortened 1998-99 season, a mere 78 in 1989-1990, and a pathetically dismal 64 games in 1997-1998. For the sake of reference, Marcus Camby has cracked the 64 game barrier only three times in 12 years, and has never played more than 72.

REASON NUMBER 2: John Freakin' Stockton played 1504 games and never grabbed 10 rebounds in a game. (The lesson here, as should be obvious - if you aggressively pursue rebounds, you'll shorten your career. So things are looking up for Jason Collins already.)

REASON NUMBER 3: John Freakin' Stockton just let it go.



Stockton played until he was 41 years old, and inevitably towards the end of his career he had a few years in which his performance slowly trailed off. But right up to and including his final season, Stockton continued to perform at a high level, starting for a Utah Jazz team that he led to a 47-35 record and the playoffs, all while averaging as-near-as-is 11 points, 8 assists and 2 steals a game. He also shot .483 that season, which is absolutely remarkable when you consider that this was 2003 that we are talking about, a season that did not favour shooting percentages.

But when faced with the decline of both his own skills and the Jazz's short term future, Stockton chose to walk away while he was still near the top of his game. This may seem like a normal or sensible thing to do, but recent precedent shows it to not be so normal after all.



So far in this 2007 season (including preseason and offseason), assorted stars of varying pedigree have either expressed an interest in returning to play one more season, or have actually done so. Allan Houston re-signed briefly with the New York Knicks before being waived in preseason in favour of Fred Jones. Chris Webber couldn't keep away and signed with the Golden State Warriors. Reggie Miller and the Boston Celtics had a brief two way flirtation before Reggie decided against un-retiring to play for only the second team of his NBA career. And Gary Payton's agent also contacted the Celtics, asking if they would return his love and affection and signing him for one more half season. (They didn't.)


Now forgive me for being a bit cynical here, as it's all I know. But why oh why might Payton want to do this?

Possible reasons:

a) He thinks he's still got it.
b) He's run out of money.
c) He wants to win an NBA title, and thinks he can get one with only the token gesture of suiting up every now and then.


If it's point A, then he's very, very wrong.

If it's point B, then he's going to have to make lifestyle changes to make the prorated veteran's minimum into an amount he can live comfortably off until his NBA pension is due.

And if it's point C, then he's pathetic.


Unfortunately, it's probably point C. And, in Gary Payton's case, it's an even more pathetic gesture than usual. For you see, Gary Payton has now achieved the almost-unachievable: he's now done this coattail riding act with three different teams. I can't think of any other instance in which that has happened, and frankly nor would I want to.

To make matters worse, Payton already has a ring from doing this, when he won with Miami back in 2005/06. So why's he hanging out desperately trying to win a ring, when he's already got one? Where's the pride in coattailing two of them, or does he feel ashamed by his first one and needs a second to restore pride? I can't see either scenario being all that profitable to his soul. And you know Gary Payton's got soul.


I don't have a problem with players that latch on with contending teams for less money than they could have gotten elsewhere, just to try and win a championship. That's not a problem with me. As any NBA "pundit" or "expert" will tell you - and I use that term very loosely - it's "all about" the rings. That is certainly the argument used to demean most players without them (or even those with them, if you're Kobe Bryant), and the alternative is to do what Reggie Miller did and stick around with a team that has no chance of winning the title just because you'll get more money that way. This is hardly a more dignified way to see out the end your career, even if it does lead to people praising you for your "loyalty", even if they misinterpret your loyalty to the chequebook as being your loyalty to a franchise.

Karl Malone, for example, played it just about right - he turned down the huge amounts of money and pleas of loyalty offered by Utah to go and spend two years for far less money trying to win a title with the L.A. Lakers. But once this bid failed, he took off. He did not go to another team elsewhere. Not again. Malone took his shot, missed, realised that his skills and health were on the way out, and threw in the towel once and for all. This was an impressive feat, especially given that he was within touching distance of one of the NBA's untouchable records - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's all time points scored record.

But this isn't really about the rings. Instead, it is about the good or great players just going away and not bothering us any more, in general.



When he retired as a player, Reggie Miller went on to become a TV personality. An annoying one. So did Jon Barry. So did Magic Johnson. So did Kendall Gill, Steve Smith, Greg Anthony, Mark Jackson, Scott Williams, and a good many other players. And almost universally, they are bad at it. There must be a reason why this is. Maybe it's stubbornness and the interference of their long-term memory on their cognitive capacity. But they just are bad at it, for whatever reason. Only a few shine in this broadcasters role, and most of those shine more for their entertainment value more than their actual ability to analyse.

Some former players go into coaching, irrespective of their abilities in this area. They can't live their lives as young up-and-coming basketball players any more, so they make sure that they are around to watch those of others develop. (It's either coaching, or a cameo in a Spike Lee movie.) Almost universally they are bad at this, too. For the most part, the better the player, the worse the coach or general manager they make. (There are some exceptions, such as Joe Dumars. But for every Joe Dumars, there's three or four Kevin McHale's.)

Worse still, some of the game's true all time greats hang around awkwardly at events such as All Star weekend, demonstrating their complete lack of touch with the modern NBA game, and occasionally making matters even worse by taking the court and proving that they aren't in any way the player that they used to be. It's deflating to watch, and should be made illegal. (There's potential for a second t-shirt campaign here.)



But John Stockton doesn't do any of this.

John Stockton just played until he shouldn't, and then took off. He didn't swan out, interfere with things that weren't his business to interfere with, or humiliate himself at All-Star weekends. He followed his career's path until he reached the end, and then he left.

And that's why he'll always be John Freakin' Stockton.