Jannero Pargo does an impression of Kobe Bryant, then buys a suit
In a practice for his new team, Olympiakos, Jannero Pargo launches in a spontaneous Kobe Bryant impression, looking every inch the exact replica of his former teammate. Apart from missing the uncontested 6 incher.
In more delicious Jannero Pargo news, here is Jannero Pargo buying a suit. This clip is notable for the fact that it depicts Jannero popping his smile cherry when struck by his own radiance, as well as for another impression of his, when he briefly lapses into The Robert De Niro Face at the 1.07 mark:
Kudos to the original film maker for being able to book Borat for the voiceover, and to Jimmy Lee Farnsworth for bringing its joyful pointlessness to my attention.
Debuting later - some stuff. Keep your eyes firmly peeled on the mid 90's menu to the left and mash refresh religiously - eventually you will be rewarded.
- Lukasz Obrzut was a very insignificant player in the D-League last year, averaging 3.1 ppg and 2.4 rpg over 38 games with both the Bakersfield Jam and the Fort Wayne Mad Ants. Before that, he spent four very insignificant years with Kentucky, never averaging more than 2.0 ppg and 1.8 rpg. Now, he's in Poland, averaging 5.2 points, 3.7 rebounds and 2.9 fouls per game for the powerhouse that is ISS Sportino Inowroclaw (and by "powerhouse", I mean "team in third last place"). How very insignificant.
- It was only a few short years ago that Michael Olowokandi was a starting centre in the Western Conference Finals. Things have changed wildly since then - the money dried up, as did the few skills, and a season of playing for the Celtics on the minimum salary (Kandi didn't need the money, and did it just to prove to himself that he could...apparently) was the last she wrote. Kandi is about to turn 34 with a lenghty history, and I assume him to be unofficially retired.
- In lieu of any Greg Ostertag news, here is a video of him losing at table tennis to a sharply dressed pre-teen.
- Andre Owens is with Red Star Belgrade (Crvena Zvezda), averaging 11.8 points, 3.3 rebounds and 2.8 assists a game in the Adriatic League, and 10.6/2.7/2.3 in the Eurocup. Owen was also recently the victim of an attack by a fan - or at least, a really bad attempt at one - and you can read about that here
- Olumide Oyedeji is in China, which is good news for us all. Playing for Shanxi Zhongyu, Oyedeji averages 20.4 points and a slightly staggering 19.4 rebounds per game. The assists, steals and blocks numbers aren't bad either; 2.8, 2.2, 1.6. Oyedeji has had 37 double doubles in his 39 games, and has not had less than 10 rebounds in any game; in the two games where he missed a double-double, his stat lines read:
That's prime Ben Wallace territory, that. They should have known that it was going to go well when Oyedeji put up 23 points, 24 rebounds and 9 assists on his debut. Do you love reading these numbers? Me too. They constantly s*** on all these "faceless player averages 7 points and 3 rebounds in some obscure European league" entries that I have to write. They pale in comparison to this. 19.4 rebounds a game! 7 offensive! Averaging 45 minutes a game! Good times. Very good times.
- Robert Pack hasn't been heard from since his entirely unexpected stint with the Toronto Raptors in 2005 preseason. That was three and a half years ago now. He is now a travel agent (true story), and was an assistant coach for the San Antonio Spurs's entry at the 2008 Rocky Mountain Revue.
- David Padgett went to training camp with the Miami Heat, signed a contract immediately after it (essentially this meant just signing for training camp really early), didn't make the team, and was waived. He has not signed elsewhere since, presumably living it up on his $35,000 guarantee.
- After Scott Padgett's NBA career ended abruptly after a trade to the Memphis Grizzlies and a subsequent waiving, he signed in Spain for about two weeks with CB Granada. This was back in April 2007. He has not been heard from since. He's not a missing person or dead or anything. I just can't find any news on him. He probably does real estate now, though. They all do.
- Milt Palacio is the starting point guard for Khimky in Russia, averaging 6.4 points, 2.2 rebounds and 2.0 assists in the Russian league, alongside 5.2 points, 1.7rebounds and 3.5 assists in the Eurocup. I watched Milton play the other day, and if any Jazz fans out there are wondering in Fellatio still hits the underside of the backboard with his layups.......yep! More good times.
- Adam Parada's last 5 basketball destinations are as follows - Mexico, Philippines, Sacramento Kings, Jordan, the ABA. One of those is not like the others. Parada currently finds himself in Japan, playing for the Mitsubishi Melco Dolphins. The Japanese league is not like the Chinese league, for not only are the team names intelligible, but there's also not nearly the wealth of fringe NBA talent in it. However, this doesn't mean that Adam Parada can't still be brilliant, and he doesn't let us down, delivering a scintilating 13.97 points and 7.8 rebounds a game.
- Finally, Jannero Pargo left the NBA for Dynamo Moscow to great fanfare, and then left Dynamo Moscow to slightly less fanfare after the team fell behind on their payments to him. (This hasn't stopped them from signing Brian Chase as a replacement, though.) Pargo since signed with Olympiakos, where his sole aim is to have a slightly more successful stint than Olympiakos's other former Hornet guard, Arvydas Macijauskas. Pargo has delivered on that (albeit only slightly), averaging 4.7 points and 2.7 assists in his three Euroleague games so far, after averaging rougly 13/4/5 for Dynamo.
- Adam Haluska signed with Hapoel Jerusalem. I'm putting this one first, because originally I had it last, and the jarringly obvious lack of a bad joke was not a good way to end the post. I have failed you.
- Miami waived Bobby Jones before his contract became guaranteed, thus leaving Jones free to roam the land and add another scalp to his "I can totally play for every NBA team before 2010" campaign. (A campaign which may only exist in my head.) I'd recommend him to Memphis, but unfortunately, he's already been there once. So....Oklahoma City, anyone?
- Some things happen really quietly in the NBA. So quietly, in fact, tha they aren't actually announced at all. In the last six weeks or so, the Bulls have signed two players without telling anyone: restricted free agent Demetris Nichols accepted his unguaranteed qualifying offer, obviously aware that it's for more than he will get elsewhere, and number 1 overall pick Derrick Rose signed his rookie contract back in early July. For some reason, there was no press conference on this - one can only assume that they held off deliberately in order to do the damn thing so that they can announce his signing at a later date in conjunction with the signings of, say, Luol Deng and Ben Gordon. That way, they can do one of those "Meet The Next Generation" type of press conferences, and maybe even get Jonathan Frakes as a guest speaker. However, as Ben Gordon has decided to be a right wazzock about his contract situation (more on this later), that plan hasn't really worked out. Nevertheless, Rose has signed, so all you conspiracy theorists....disperse.
- Similarly, the Warriors have signed undrafted forward Dion Dowell for training camp, doing so very early, with no announcement made. It's not unprecedented for this to happen - Utah did it with Roger Powell once, for example - but it is kind of rare. So when an announcement about Golden State signing Dion Dowell hits the streets in the first week of October, don't be surprised to hear an I told you so. (In the unlikely event that it doesn't happen, this post will self-destruct, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.)
- Milwaukee signed Francisco Elson. Why? Don't know, really. Is Elson better than incumbent backup centre Dan Gadzuric? Yes, yes he is. Pretty much everyone is. But is it by a lot? Not exactly. So is it worth signing a slight upgrade when you're already stuck with paying Gadzuric $20 million over the next three years? (By the way, you may have noticed that sometimes I befoul the signing of good players to decent value contracts, and sometimes I applaud it. This is because I'm temperamental, partial to prejudice, and often wrong.)
- In the same day, Gordan Giricek was reported to have signed with two different teams, in a situation even more bizarre than that of serial bigamist, Jumaine Jones. Triumph Lyubertsy of Russia - the team who just spent lots of money on glamour model Nenad Krstic as a replacement for Uros Slokar - were reported to have signed Giricek for one of those elusive 1+1 deals, but agent Marc Fleischer says that Giricek signed with Fenerbache of Turkey. And you'd think that he'd know, really. So we'll pencil him in for Turkey. (You know the best part about all of this? I'm Uros Slokar's Facebook friend. True story. The guy writes on his own wall a lot, but his English is as sound as Ealing North MP Stephen Pound. I like him.)
- Boston either just have signed or soon will sign their first round draft pick, J.R. Giddens. For all first round draft pick fans at home, this now leaves only two from this year's draft unsigned - George Hill of the San Antonio Spurs (who apparently will signed and will feature heavily), and Serge Ibaka of Oklahoma City (who, as intrepidly reported back in the boom boom selection days, has signed elsewhere already). You know who has been signed? Derrick Rose. Just thought I'd remind you.
- Jamar Smith has signed for Fastweb Casale Monferrato in Italy. Note: this is not Illinois's disreputable Jamar Smith, the one who recently got kicked off of the team for some naughtiness. Instead, this is Maryland's Jamar Smith, the one hurtling towards thirty, and the former San Antonio Spurs training camp fodder. In many ways, this is the more famous of the Jamar Smithii. (Plural.)
- Jannero Pargo signed with Dynamo Moscow, a team which isn't actually in Moscow, but which can be found in a small farmer's market outside Pontefract, Wales. (Readers note: I am talking out of my arse.) The signing of Pargo isn't exactly a heartbreaker, but it does weaken the already piss poor market even further. However, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. For every reasonably decent point guard signed, Kevin Ollie gets one step closer to a stay of execution, which can't be bad. Additionally, if any teams out there are upset at losing out of signing Pargo and are looking for a Pargo-like replacement, may I suggest Salim Stoudamire?
- Louis Amundson signed with the Phoenix Suns, naturally for the minimum. So clearly the Warriors looked elsewhere (namely, Dion Dowell). The Suns are now a Goran Dragic away from completing their roster, and we'll have more on that sneaky little bastard later.
- Marcus Douthit has signed with Antalya Buyuksehir Belediye. The last time I wrote something about Marcus Douthit, I asked the world if any of you knew what happened to Douthit's unique charges of embezzlement. Reader and one-time blog commenter Chris, whoever that is (God bless you sir) provided a quasi-update, but not an absolute resolution to this important question. And so, I'll ask again: does anyone know of what became of Marcus Douthit's embezzlement charges?
- Paul Davis returned to the L.A. Clippers to battle Steve Novak for the important role of gimpy looking 15th man whose very presence keeps the fans interested. Unhelpfully and unoriginally, I'm going to make the same observation that everyone else has made: boy, do they have a lot of Davii! (Plural.) Journeyman forward Dangerous Josh Davis can claim the one the Clippers as one of the few teams that he hasn't played for yet, not even in summer league (I think), and he's also currently unsigned. This union makes too much sense not to happen.
- Maintenant, et finalément, I can't speak French. Shawn Kemp did actually sign for Bread Mountain in Italy, as mentioned once before. It really happened. It really did. Expect this to be tracked closely.
- Good news: Bobby Jones was claimed off of waivers. Bad news: Miami did it. Why is this bad news? Because Bobby Jones has already spent time with Miami, and going back to a team that he has already been with doesn't help Jones's quest to have briefly been on the roster of every NBA franchise before the start of the 2010 season. So far, in 2 seasons in the NBA - and if we rather generously include the 2006 draft, as Jones's rights were traded that night - Bobby has spent times with the Minnesota Timberwolves, the Philadelphia 76ers, the Denver Nuggets, the Memphis Grizzlies, the Houston Rockets, the Miami Heat, the San Antonio Spurs, Denver again, the New York Knicks, and now Miami again. That's 8 franchises in 24 months, a rate that not even an in-his-heyday Josh Davis could match. So, Miami - do us a favour and trade him to Atlanta for his namesake Solomon Jones or something. Don't be selfish.
- Allan Houston wants to make another comeback attempt. Great. Good luck with that.
- The two remaining Oklahoma City unsigned draftees - DeVon Hardin and Serge Ibaka - have both signed contracts in Europe. Ibaka signed a three year contract with Ricoh Manresa of Spain, a deal which allows him to leave and return to the NBA after each year should he so wish. Hardin meanwhile signed with Belediyespor in Turkey on a one year deal. Neither signing is interesting.
- Earl Boykins has signed a one year, $3.5 million contract with Virtus Bologna in Italy, thereby making the remaining available point guard crop even worse. Not that the presence of Earl Boykins really did it much good.
- Filiberto Rivera has signed with Bamberg in Germany, thereby making the remaining available point guard crop even worse. Not that the presence of Filiberto Rivera really did it much good.
- For those keenly following the progress of Ivan Radenovic (if such people exist, I keep them well fed), Radenovic has upped sticks and moved to Greece, to play for Panellionios. If you couldn't be bothered to read previous posts on the subject of Ivan Radenovic, the Spanish team that he played for - Akasvayu Girona - extended his contract, and then went bankrupt, which was hopefully nothing to do with the size of Radenovic's contract. I'll miss Girona, you know. We got a few games of theirs on TV over here last year, and every time they were on, a staggeringly hot Spanish woman was the sideline reporter for the night. She spoke broken English in a hot accent, which just made the total package that much more enticing. You know how it is when women are so unbelievably good looking that it becomes impossible to rank their beauty when compared to other unbelievably good looking women? Well, she was one of them. So it's a shame that I won't be able to look at her talk four times a year for twenty seconds at a time A damn shame. And that's why I'll miss Akasvayu Girona.
- Jannero Pargo was reportedly on the verge of signing with the San Antonio Spurs, but now reports say that Miami has made a late bid for him. Since the Heat have spent most of their MLE on the unflinching duo of Mario Chalmers and James Earl Jones, the most that they can offer Pargo is the Bi-Annual Exception, which starts at $1.91 million, you have to wonder why Pargo opted out of the contract that would have paid him $1.976 million next year. Pargo has now opted out of his contract for two straight seasons, yet he remains unable to get the one massive paycheck that he's looking for. The chances of him signing a third straight two year contract with a player option, and then opting out after the first year, look impressively high. And that's got to be a world first. These are the things that I think about, by the way.
- Louis Williams re-signed with the 76ers, ensuring that they will have at least one shooting guard who will score more points than he will have attempted field goals. No, I haven't gotten over the Kareem Rush move yet.
- The Bobcats signed Shannon Brown, a move which doesn't seem to solve anything. By the way, if you are Shannon Brown, and you've just had your rookie scale contract cut down to only two years by Cleveland, and you're allowed to walk away unchallenged by your hometown Chicago Bulls, what reason would you possibly have for not joining on with a summer league team? Wouldn't it be a good idea to get in as much shwocasing as you can? This is what I would do, I'm pretty sure. (Note: if Brown was injured or otherwise incapacitated, therefore making my rant unjustified and ill-founded, please do not hesitate to keep that information to yourself.)
- The Rockets traded Steve Novak to the L.A. Clippers in order to save some money, so that they can try to re-sign Carl Landry and pay as little tax as possible. Or, ideally, none at all. It makes sense for Houston to dump the guaranteed money of an inconsequential player, but if someone could explain to me why the Clippers held onto Nick Fazekas for an unnecessarily long time, just to then trade for his older brother in Steve Novak, then please do that. Where's the vast gaping chasm of seperation between Fazekas and Novak, exactly? Is it a bigger or smaller gaping chasm of difference than the one that the Clippers saw between Jason Hart and Brevin Knight? An answer on those would be good, because I'm clearly not smart enough to get it. By the way, God bless Steve Novak. Class.
- Tarence Kinsey signed with the Cavaliers. Have I mentioned that Memphis waived Kinsey in preference to waiving Casey Jacobsen? I have. Will I mention it again? Probably. i just think it bears repeating, you know? The Memphis Grizzlies, everyone.
- And finally, what you've been waiting for - recently cut Nugget (so to speak) Taurean Green is about to sign with some team in some country in Europe. And I forgot to write down who and where.
What you've just witnessed, ladies and gentleman, is the work of an amateur. Be proud. Give generously.
It's hard to see quite what New Orleans planned to do going into this offseason. If their intention was to surround Chris Paul with shooters, as it probably was and definitely should have been, then it's a job well done. In retaining Jannero Pargo while bringing in Morris Peterson and Adam Haluska to replace Devin Brown and Desmond Mason, the Hornets outside shooting takes another step forward. And when combined with the returning Rasual Butler and Bobby Jackson, as well as the return from injury of Peja Stojakovic, the Hornets outside shooting will be a strength this upcoming season. The backcourt depth in general is pretty strong.
The frontcourt depth, however, is another matter.
New Orleans seems content to roll with only four recognised big men, two of whom are Hilton Armstrong and Melvin Ely. Ely's pretty bad despite one season of decency (and a contract season at that. How coincidental), whereas Armstrong is coming off of an incredibly raw rookie year. This seems to me as though it should be more of a pressing concern to Hornets management, given that the two players they're backing up (Tyson Chandler and David West) haven't exactly been the poster boys for healthy living at any point in their NBA careers.
Should injuries affect their frontcourt (and it will, because they're the Hornets), New Orleans is left with the salivating prospect of having to play one of their six small forwards in a small ball lineup. This might not be too bad if Julian Wright proves himself able to defend most power forwards in this league, but if he can't, Stojakovic may wind up having to do it. Which would be.....um....carnage.
Why you would bring in Morris Peterson for such an amount of money when you already had Rasual Butler, all the while letting Devin Brown walk for £1.2 million and letting Linton Johnson fall out of the NBA, seems a bit dumbfouding. Peterson is better than all of those players, but it seems silly to spend your mid level exception on a medium upgrade from Peterson to Butler of what is basically the same player. Especially when you could clearly use a big man that doesn't suck, just drafted a small forward, and also have the hugely overpaid former All Star Peja Stojakovic for the role.
And why they then effectively sell their 5th big man who they drafted not 18 months before (Cedric Simmons), trading him for an unguaranteed contract and nothing else, was flat out weird. There must be something seriously wrong with Cedric. Or Jeff Bower.
Nonetheless, despite my compulsory criticism, the Hornets did not lose a lot in these upgrades. Players such as Marc Jackson, Johnson and Brown made for some nice depth, but they weren't rotation players in an ideal world anyway. And the Hornets rotation as it stands is quite good. It's improved upon where it was, and this team would have been a playoff team last year with some better health.
But there's still flaws here. The injuries are going to happen again, even if it's to a lesser degree. You can't assemble and injury prone roster and then complain that injuries affect your season. You should know that in advance. The Hornets had it particularly rough last year with only Jannero Pargo playing more than 75 games, and he was supposed to be a third stringer. But numerous injuries is a situation that is almost certainly going to happen again. That's what happens when you spend big money on Bobby Jackson, Stojakovic and David West.
Also, there's quite a bit of irony to be found in wanting to assemble a roster of shooters and then signing Ryan Bowen. But never mind.
Next year:
So much - perhaps too much - of the season relies on the starting frontcourt trio of Stojakovic, West and Chandler. While Chris Paul is the star player around whom the team is rightly built around, he needs plenty of help to do so. Assembling a team of shooters around Paul helps, and the starting frontcourt pairing of Chandler and West is young and somewhat dynamic. But those two are also the only plus rebounders on the team, and only Chandler and Armstrong provide much interior defense. To rely on such fragile players and minimal depth is open to question, and so that's what I'm doing.
Having spent huge amounts of money on this trio last year, the Hornets didn't get too great of a return. Chandler enjoyed a wonderful bounceback season, but West and Stojakovic played only 65 games combined, leaving the Hornets short of offense for much of the season. That won't cut it if the Hornets are to crack .500 and make the playoffs, something which they have the talent to do.
Chandler, especially, needs to have an epic (or at least comparable) season. His career to date has gone:
1st year - Poor 2nd year - Decent 3rd year - Poor (injury permitting) 4th year - Really good 5th year - Utter shite 6th year - Really good
Last year he emerged as a an elite rebounder, and rediscovered some of his lost offensive skill. His offensive skill always peaked at mediocre, based largely around the unattractive but effective flail towards the rim, and an extremely mediocre jump/free throw shot. After taking the 2005 offseason off, though, Chandler lost these skills, and his subsequent confidence in his abilities. They look to be on the way back, which bodes well for the Hornets, but he needs to end this cycle for the Hornets to succeed this year.
And they can do that. They're not in the West's elite, and they're not all that young any more (West is now 27, and their wing players are all veterans). Nonetheless, it's a playoff calibre team, which isn't finished, but one which has an identity and is fairly well rounded.
Sham is a miserable and self-effacing little bastard, whose basketball opinions are often riddled with bias, insecurity, and rank immaturity. He has also never played the sport, and the only game he has ever been to see was a Ware Rebels game back in 2001. The night bus didn't show up and he had to walk the 9 miles home. It was after this that his passion for basketball really took off.
He considers himself to be Britain's foremost NBA expert, an arbitrary title that carries with it no basis in fact, or any worldly significance. He also wrote this section of the website in third person narrative, purely for reasons of arrogance.
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