Where Are They Now, 2010; Part 6

Yesterday, Golden State waived Mikki Moore to ensure that they could keep on Chris Hunter. In doing so, they've cost themselves money. Moore was set to cost the Warriors $825,497, the minimum salary for a two year veteran. Moore was actually being paid $1,306,455, the minimum salary for a ten or more year veteran (he has played 11 seasons), but as his minimum salary contract is only for one year and he has more than three years of experience, the team is only billed an amount equal to the minimum salary of a two year vet. The league pays the rest. It's a system that helps older players get work, so that teams aren't deterred from signing them just because they cost more. However, the rebate is only applicable if the team keeps the player on for the full season. So by waiving him, Golden State upped their own financial commitment from $825,497 to $1,306,455, on a player who can't now play for them.

They probably could have waived Devean George instead.

Also, as I mentioned four days ago, the Bucks waived Roko Ukic so that he could sign with Fenerbahce. I'm not claiming to have had insider information here, nor am I claiming that can I read Turkish. But someone who can read Turkish read something Turkish and happened to mention it. And I'm online a lot.

The Jazz signed Sundiata Gaines today. They needed an extra guard, and Sundiata was one of the best the D-League has to offer. For the Idaho Stampede this year, he was averaging 23.9 points, 6.9 assists, 4.7 rebounds and 2.3 steals, and no matter how much those numbers are inflated by the Stampede's pace - and no matter how unflattering his measurements are to his score-first style - them's is good numbers. Also note; 10 day contracts became available today, and today marks the 14th day after the Matt Harpring/Eric Maynor trade, meaning today was the day that the Jazz had to sign someone. The timing of that trade was not a coincidence. By waiting as long as possible, they saved as much money as possible. Because of that, it wouldn't be a surprise if Sundiata played out his ten days and then went back to the D-League. Good luck to him, though. If Wes Matthews can do a Wes Matthews, then so can Sundiata Gaines.

(Here's a video of Sundiata's reaction to being called up. Awww!)

By writing completely unrelated intros to these Where Are They Now posts, I'm making the website less likely to break down. It's a long story.



- Esteban Batista

Far from being the minimum salary steal that Celtics fans wanted him to be in the summer of 2007, Batista is out of the NBA and playing in Spain, after signing a three year contract with Fuenlebrada this summer. On the season, he is being highly productive, averaging 16.2 points, 8.1 rebounds, 1.3 steals and 1.4 blocks per game, shooting 54% from the floor and 76% from the line. It's quite a good comeback year for Batista, who last year had a bit of a shocker. He started out with Maccabi Tel-Aviv, for whom he played in the 2007-08 season, but Maccabi had a regime change, and the new regime didn't want Batista. They let him go midseason and Batista signed with Triumph in Russia, but he then left there as well, claiming it was too cold. He saw out the season in Argentina, about whose temperature he didn't seem to complain. Now in a decent situation, where the minutes, money and humidity are all adequate, Batista is producing once again.



- Mike Batiste

Remember Mike Batiste's stint in the NBA with the Grizzlies? Nor do I, really. After going undrafted out of Arizona State in 1999, he spent a year injured, a year in Belgium and a year in Italy, signed with the Clippers for 2002 training camp, and was claimed off waivers by the Grizzlies in October. Batiste spent a year with the team, playing 1,248 minutes in 75 games, averaging 6.4 points, 3.4 rebounds and 0.9 turnovers a game. It was the only season of his NBA career.

At the time, Batiste was a 6'8 225 combo forward who played mostly small forward, but who hadn't quite figured out the position. The turnover numbers were high, as Batiste was not a ball handler, and he shot only 22% on three pointers on the season. After leaving the NBA, Batiste signed with Panathinaikos in Greece; unbelievably, he's still there seven years later. In that time, he's re-designed his game again, going from an athletic combo forward to a hugely strong post player. Batiste has beefed the hell up, now known as "The Beast" not only for the rhyme but for his strength, and he's a post-up option that most of Greece fails to stop. This season, Batiste is averaging 15.5 points and 4.5 rebounds in only 19 minutes per game in the Euroleague, and 10.3 points and 4.7 rebounds in 19 minutes per game in the Greek league. (As for why he plays only half the game; Panathinaikos are 12 deep. Everyone only plays half the game.)

He is aided in his European career by his Bulgarian passport, which allows him to quality as a European player. Given that he has never played or lived in Bulgaria and seems to have no Bulgarian heritage, this passport seems a trifle illicit. I guess someone who can pull strings wanted him to stick around.

Another forgotten Grizzlies player in the early part of the decade was Antonis Fotsis. Fotsis was picked by the Grizzlies in the 2001 second round, played one year, and left. He is now Batiste's teammate at Pana. Billy Knight and Jerry West dug out some under-the-radar talent in those years, but it didn't really do them any favours.



- Edin Bavcic

Edin Bavcic was drafted by the Raptors in 2006 and traded to the Sixers. He signed a two year contract with Olimpija Ljubljana in Slovenia this summer, a Euroleague team. On the season he is averaging 5.6 points, 4.0 rebounds and 3.1 fouls per game in the Euroleague, alongside 4.9 points, 2.4 rebounds and 2.7 fouls per game in the Adriatic league.

That's all I've got. Oh, and he's 26 in May.



- Lonny Baxter

Baxter's having a better season than usual, averaging 18.4 points and 6.0 rebounds in 27 minutes per game in the Turkish league while playing for Besiktas. He also averages 12.0 points and 4.0 rebounds in the Eurocup, although that involved scoring 58 points in his first 3 games and 26 in the last 4. Besiktas are third in the Turkish league, partly because of Baxter, but largely because of 6'2 guard Mire Chatman. In 36 minutes per game (out of 40), Chatman is averaging 17.8 points, 6.3 assists, 6.0 rebounds and 2.8 steals per game. And those are Turkish assists, which are a rarer species than American ones. The 60% foul shooting for a 6'2 guard is poor, but everything else is Kidd-like. (Albeit in Turkey.)



- Aron Baynes

Washington State graduate Baynes had a God awful summer league with the L.A. Lakers. In 57 minutes of 5 games, Baynes totalled 10 points, 14 rebounds, 22 fouls and 7 turnovers, while shooting 5-22 from the field and 0-2 from the field. Something went well, though, as he went on to join Lithuanian team Lietuvos Rytas. There's absolutely no money in Lithuanian basketball right now, and Lietuvos are no exception even after winning the Eurocup last season, but they're a Euroleague team this year so the exposure is self-evident.

However, the exposure is not helping; Baynes continues to struggle in his first professional season. In the Baltic league, he's averaging 11.1 points, 5.9 rebounds and 1.3 blocks in 17 mpg; in the Lithuanian league, he's averaging 10.2 points, 5.3 rebounds and 0.7 blocks in 15 mpg; in the Euroleague, he's averaging 5.6 points, 3.3 rebounds and 1.0 blocks in 13mpg. In that respect, he's doing quite well. But his foul problem from summer league has carried over; he's averaging 3.1 fouls in 15 Lithuania league minutes per game, 3.3 fouls in 17 Baltic league minutes per game, and a whopping 4.1 fouls in 13 Euroleague minutes per game. All three of those competitions have 40 minute games and only 5 fouls before a foulout, and it's not a coincidence that the league with by far the highest standard of play is the one in which he does by far the worst. Baynes has fouled out 7 times this year in a total of 28 games; his minutes played in those games were 19, 10, 20, 15, 12, 13 and 6. And he's not Bubba Wellsing it up out there; he starts many games at centre, and Lietuvos rely on him as a big part of their rotation. But because of all the fouls, he can't deliver.

That's a lot of fouls. That's too many fouls. He needs to foul less. This is my analysis.



- Jerome Beasley

The other Beasley drafted by the Heat, Jerome is spending his second season in Holland with the Eiffel Towers Den Bosch. (Yes, I know the Eiffel Tower is in France. Someone explained the logic of this team name to me once, but I forgot what it was. All I remember is that it wasn't very logical.) On the season, Beasley is averaging 12.9 and 8.8 rebounds in the Dutch league, and 13.6 points and 8.2 rebounds in the EuroChallenge. The EuroChallenge is like an entry level Eurocup, which itself is like an entry level Euroleague. Full explanation later.

Jerome Beasley fact: Jerome Beasley was drafted with the 33rd pick in the 2003 draft whilst coming out of NCAA Division 2. That's extremely rare. In fact, only one person in the world was ever taken 33rd overall in the 2003 NBA Draft. Fact.

Another Jerome Beasley fact: Jerome Beasley was suspended by FIBA for three months last January after testing positive for marijuana. It's a Beasley thing.


- Sani Becirovic

Becirovic is Bavcic's teammate at Ljubljana. Like Bavcic, Becirovic is also a former NBA draftee, being picked 46th overall by the Nuggets back in 2003. And like Bavcic, Becirovic won't play in the NBA. But unlike Bavcic, it's not because he can't. Despite a slightly worrisome injury history, Becirovic has been a good player for over a decade, and still is. He is averaging 12.9 points and 3.9 assists per game in the Adriatic league, and almost exactly the same (12.9/3.3) in the Euroleague. As it happens, though, there's a player from Ljubljana whose play is blowing both of those two out of the water. We'll come to him (or her) later.



- Romel Beck

Beck is in the D-League, down there trying to prove to the NBA that he deserves at least 10 days in it. The one dimensional Beck is with the Dakota Wizards, averaging 16.2 points, 3.9 rebounds, 2.7 turnovers and 1.8 assists. The rebounding numbers are unusually high for a man who normally gets about 2 a game, so we'll see if that continues.



- Mirza Begic

Mirza Begic went undrafted in 2007. That's kind of amazing, because he's 7'3, and pretty much all 6'11 Eastern European guys who get a few minutes on the benches of Adriatic league teams get picked in the second round somewhere. (It's true. Ask Edin Bavcic.) Maybe Begic should have been drafted, however, as he's now a decent Euroleague centre. Begic's averages are listed below in a different form to usual.

1) 20.9 minutes, 7.6 points, 4.1 rebounds, 2.6 fouls, 1.1 blocks per game = Euroleague (the club competition that sees the best teams from across the whole of Europe competing)

2) 16.3 minutes, 5.3 poiints, 3.3 rebounds, 2.3 fouls, 0.8 blocks per game = VTB United League (the club competition that sees the best teams from only Eastern Europe competing)

3) 17.3 minutes, 8.9 points, 4.8 rebounds, 1.9 fouls, 1.4 blocks per game = Baltic League (the club competition that sees the best teams from only Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania competing)

4) 14.0 minutes, 5.4 points, 3.7 reboundsm 2.4 fouls, 1.4 blocks per game = Lithuanian League (the Lithuanian league).


A bit confusing, really. A post explaining stuff like that to non-Europeans was requested a while ago, and is nearly finished.



- Troy Bell

Troy Bell is spending his second season with Vanoli in Italy. Last year he helped them get promoted from LegaDue to SerieA, averaging 21 points, 4 rebounds and 3 assists on the way. This year he's not found it as easy, with his numbers dropping to 14.7 points, 3.2 rebounds, 1.0 assists and 1.8 steals per game. That's still pretty good, though. Bell plays the shooting guard position in Italy alongside point guard E.J. Rowland, another man with a debatable Bulgarian passport. It's easier to start a 6'2/6'1 backcourt in Italy than it is in the NBA.



- Rod Benson

As ever, Rod Benson is in the D-League, waiting for a call-up. I wonder how much money he's earned from his non-basketball endeavours over the last three years, because he sure as hell won't have made much by playing in the D-League three times. This season, Benson is averaging 14.2 points, 7.8 rebounds, 1.9 assists, 2.2 steals and 1.8 blocks per game, whilst ranking in the 100th percentile in post defense according to Synergy Sports. It would help his NBA chances if his free throw percentage (.542%) wasn't so damn close to his field goal percentage (.528%), but the other numbers in only 32 minutes per game are hard to fault.

This week, he quit blogging for Yahoo Sports, having decided that he had said Too Much.



- Lee Benson

Benson was in China last year, and of all the people to put up outrageous statistics there, his might have been the best; 34.1 ppg, 18.8 rpg, 5.6 apg, 2.0 bpg. As 36 year old athletic shot chucking former prisoners go, Benson is pretty bloody good. He looked like he was going to re-sign in China this year too, but, as far as my crude Google translations can tell, Shanxi passed up on re-signing him due to his astronomical wage demands. Any man with those statistics can ask for a big payday, but Shanxi didn't appear to be happy with the way that he got them. You have to dominate the ball pretty freaking muchly to put up numbers like those, and to shoot 7 three pointers a game at only 30% isn't the best idea either. Still, it's great fun for us spectators.

I was very happy about that "Too Much" gag, by the way.


Finally...

- Travis Best

Best signed this season with Martos Napoli, a SerieA team that came into being this summer when former team Solsonica Rieti changed both their city and their sponsor. He joined fellow Americans Kevin Kruger, Damon Jones and Robert Traylor there, increasing the ex-NBA lilt that was designed to make the interesting. It kind of worked. Even Lance Allred was there for a while. But none of it seemed to help on the court, as Napoli trickled out to an 0-10 start. Despite the big name midseason acquisitions of Best and Jones, they kept on losing. And the players weren't getting paid either.

At 0-10, things managed to get worse. The club officially ran out of money, and players started to leave, Kruger amongst them. Another loss followed before Christmas, at which point all the first team players went home to their families. They never came back. In their first game after Christmas, on Sunday evening, Napoli could only fielded their youth team players, inexperienced and undertalented 17 year olds going against one of the better teams in one of the world's best leagues. They played Angellico Biella in that game, and lost 124-54. That's not a typo; they lost by 70 points in a SerieA game. A 40 minute SerieA game. Nothing has been resolved in the mean time; no new sponsors have come in, no new money has been found, and no players have come back. If they're able to do business next SUnday, they're up against Lottomattica Roma, and things should go much the same way as the 70 point annihilation. Even if they somehow do the impossible, stave off a winding-up order and play out the season, they're screwed.

(If you wish to become Napoli's new sponsor, why not use their sponsors email account? Please give two pounds a month, or whatever you can afford.)

For what it's worth, which is nothing, Best totalled 11 points and 3 assists in 61 minutes.

Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 21

- I was first alerted to the presence of Blake Griffin about 18 months ago, when an Oklahoman resident told me he was brilliant. Apparently this has become a widely held opinion, as Griffin is the unanimous number 1 pick on both of the draft websites that I could be arsed to look at. (I really ought to start following the draft more, you know. But it's hard. I can't watch the games. And that, to me, is an important part of knowing about someone. Oh well.) Griffin averages huge numbers of 22.2 points and 13.8 rebounds for Oklahoma, despite being only 19 years old, and his PER is a staggering 38.1. And that's....a lot.

- Rashard Griffith is in Romania. Where else? In his second season with Asesoft Ploiesti, a team that currently lead the Romanian league with a 14-2 record, Griffith averages 10.2 points, 6.7 rebounds and 1.2 assists, but those numbers dropped to only 5.0 points and 4.3 rebounds in EuroChallenge play. So, just to confirm, Rashard Griffith's NBA window is shut, and has been for about 7 years. Other players on the Ploiesti team that you may have heard of include Carl Krauser (former Pittsburgh standout who I seem to recall had a tryout with the Pacers once, although I can't be sure of this) and Tyson Wheeler (who tried out for every team at some point, and who signed very briefly with the Nuggets back in the last millennium).

- Anthony Grundy is playing for Panellinios in Greece, where he is actually doing some passing. Grundy averages 10.7 points, 2.4 rebounds and 3.7 assists in Eurocup play, along with 16.0 points, 2.8 rebounds and 4.3 assists in the Greek league, playing the point guard to Brad Newley's shooting guard. Grundy is about to turn 30, however, which lowers the curtain on any more NBA opportunities.

- Dan Grunfeld has had a weird yet productive month. Earlier this month he received Romanian citizenship, because his father Ernie was born there. This new found passportian wealth has allowed him to travel with much greater ease around the European leagues, and instantly he signed with C.B. Valladolid in the Spanish second division (the LEB Gold), shooting 1-4 in 6 minutes on his debut.

- Tom Gugliotta is out of the limelight, presumably dining out off of the successful internet start-up company search engine that shares his name. (This is a Google joke, by the way. Give it the laughter it deserves.)

- Marcus Haislip is getting better. Stumbling out of the NBA due to his unrelenting rawness a few years ago, Haislip is into his second season with Unicaja Malaga, a good Spanish team. Haislip averages a team high 15.8 points as an inside/outside scoring forward, along with 5.0 rebounds. Wait, did someone say MALAGA?!?! That's where I went on holiday! Sort of! That sounds like an excuse to see my holiday photos again!


Never gets old.


- Mike Hall plays for the middle of the road Italian team, Armani Jeans Milano, a team that are sponsored by a jeans company. See if you can guess which. Hall averages 10.9 points and 7.1 rebounds in the Italian league, while playing mostly at small forward (I think), but those numbers drop to only 7.7 points and 4.0 rebounds in the Euroleague. Hall has shot a combined 97 three pointers and only 40 free throws, so this would suggest that he's still working on those much needed perimeter skills.

- Yotam Halperin is signed with Olympiakos in Greece. On a very deep team, Halperin averages 7.9 points, 2.3 rebounds and 1.8 assists in the Greek league, alongside 8.6 points, 1.7 rebounds and 1.2 assists in the Euroleague. Halperin is a combined 44-63 from two point range (70%), 23-54 from three point range (43%), and 39-45 from the free throw line (87%). For the points per shot fans amongst us, that's 196 points on 117 shots, a startling 1.68 points per shot average. I like this guy already. Absofreakinglutely.

- Adam Haluska is signed with Hapoel Jerusalem, the Israeli league leaders but has played all of 1 game, scoring 5 points.

- Darvin Ham gave it one last shot last season, signing a training camp contract with the Mavericks. He failed to win a spot, so he upped sticks, went to the D-League, did OK, then retired and became an assistant coach for his final team, International Rescue, alongside former Timberwolves centre Dean Garrett. By the way, there were a lot of commas in that, the previous sentence. For that, and also for that previous sentence, and for this one, and for every time I've ever done this, I am, truly, sorry. You didn't come here to read a Virginia Woolf novel.

- Finally, an update on two players that we've already had, but whose circumstances have changed. Esteban Batista, recently waived by Maccabi TelA-viv, has gone back to South America, signing with Libertad Sunchales in Argentina after deciding that Russia was too cold for him. And journeyman point guard Dee Brown has signed in Maccabi to replace him, sort of, indirectly, maybe, not really. These transactions, and other fun and relevant ones, can be found on the worldwide transactions page.

Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 5

- Esteban Batista was recently released by Maccabi Tel-Aviv by mutual consent, after barely playing for their new coach, Pini Gershon. His playing time was so sparse that he wasn't even travelling with the team towards the end of his stay. Batista quickly became Nenad Krstic's targeted replacement for Triumph Libby Kennedy in Russia, but never signed with the team (despite reports that he did) due to his dislike of the cold Russian weather. The pussy. For Maccabi, Batista averaged 3.6 points and 2.6 rebounds in Euroleague play.

- Former Grizzly Mike Batiste has fashioned a career as one of the better players in Europe. He is now into his sixth season with Panathinaikos, averaging team highs in points (12.6) and rebounds (4.), while shooting an amazing 74% from the field. Somewhere along the line, Batiste also managed to become a Bulgarian citizen. I have no idea how he did this.

- Sixers draft pick Edin Bavcic signed this very week with the Koeln 99ers in Germany, thus halfway to proving that my tenuous no-return-to-the-NBA-from-the-German-league allegation is, once again, ill-founded and stupid. Unfortunately for E-Bav, the other half of that claim - getting to the NBA - is going to be a lot harder to achieve.

- Lonny Baxter is out of jail and playing for Panionios in Greece. (Note: if a team name starts with P and has no E's in it, it's probably Greek.) He averages team highs in points (13.1) and rebounds (6.7).

- Jerome Beasley has played basically everywhere since falling out of the NBA. Since being waived by the Miami Heat in late 2004, Beasley has played in the CBA, Turkey, Spain, Poland, the D-League, Australia, the D-League again, Venezuela, the Dominican Republic, Spain again, and Israel. Now, he finds himself in that most fabled of basketball powerhouses, Holland, where he averages 16.6 points and 8.3 rebounds for the Eiffel Towers Den Bosch. Someone once told me why they were called the Eiffel Towers. All I remember is that it was better not knowing.

- Sani Becirovic averages 10.9 points, 3.0 rebounds, 3.8 assists and 3.0 steals for Lottomatica Roma in Italy. However, unless you're a Denver Nuggets fan, you might be more interested in who his backup is - Brandon Jennings. But I won't spoil the suspense and tell you how well Jennings is doing - give it six weeks, and this series of posts will have reached the letter J. At that point, we can do the damn thing.

- Mirza Begic is a big old Bosnian who went undrafted back in 2007. But that doesn't mean he's no good. Playing for Union Olimpija Ljubljana in Slovenia (also a Euroleague team), Begic has averaged 10.4 points, 6.0 rebounds and 1.6 blocks in Euroleague play, as well as 9.0 points, 4.5 rebounds and 2.4 blocks in Adriatic League player. What you have there is a 23 year old late blooming 7'2 shot blocker, with some offensive talent, playing well against one of the higher standards of professional basketball around. If this man is not at least on your radar, then your radar's broke.

- Troy Bell is playing in the Italian second division with Vanoli Soresina (which to me sounds both a dermatological problem, and the brand name of the cream to cure it). Playing alongside rather unimpressive competition, Bell averages 19.5 points, 4.1 rebounds and 3.4 steals per game, while shooting 34$ from three point range, which may or may not be evidence of an upward trend with regards to his jumpshot. Bell also averages 1.1 assists per game, which is exactly the number that your 6'1 point guard would have. Any less, and he'd just be being greedy.

- Jonathan Bender is still retired, and probably always will be. But he's not inactive - he has a charitable organisation (the Jonathan Bender foundation) and an entrepeneurshippy thing (Jonathan Bender Enterprises, a real estate development and property management company). Both of those organisations are based in New Orleans, helping to restore the city's infrastructure. Bender also owns an Italian wine company, a record label, an island in the Carribean, multiple real estate holdings, and is trying to patent a fitness device called "Bender Bands". (Buy one, just for the name alone.) This comes from a man who was drafted straight out of high school.

- Rod Benson went to France, barely played, and has subsequently returned to the D-League with the Dakota Wizards. And now, I will make the joke that I made last week one more time: I guess Nancy had had too much Rod Benson!!!! (You had better give that the laughter that it deserves.)

- Travis Best said that it would be his last season. He said that three seasons ago while leaving the NBA for Europe. He clearly lied, or couldn't shift the Euro bug, because he's still playing, now on his fourth European team. For Air Avellino, playing alongside Tamar Slay and Eric Williams (the Wake Forest centre, not the old arsed ex-Celtic forward), Best averages 10.0 points, 3.7 assists and 2.5 steals, useful numbers from an old man.

- Finally, and most importantly, English ledge Andy Betts is alarmingly unsigned. This needs to change, as does my habit of starting every last entry with the word "finally".

Actually, no, it pissed me off a great deal (re: NBA in London)

The following note is too long.

People have repeatedly asked me what my thoughts are/were concerning the NBA preseason game played this Wednesday in London. I'm not actually from London, living about 30 miles north of the city's northernmost point. But it's close enough to count, and as close as the NBA is ever going to get to me.

So I will share those thoughts with you now.

I did not go to the game. I originally intended to, but even from several months in advance, I could not seem to get any tickets. I don't care about Boston or Minnesota, but I just wanted the NBA experience, and to be in the same room as this sport and these athletes who I spend a ridiculously huge amount of my life following. There's also maybe an outside chance that I get to hump Fred Hoiberg's leg, so that would be another good reason for going. But alas, it wasn't to be.

My friend Michael tried to sell me his ticket, but I couldn't take him up on the offer. He's well off, and I'm not. He had a good seat, and I could only afford a nosebleeder. So that wasn't an option.

I was therefore stuck with watching the game at home. That wasn't an altogether unpleasant experience, as it marked the first and only time I've been able to watch a live NBA during normal daylight hours from the comfort of my bed. It's only a minor victory, but I'm a man of simple pleasures.

However, being able to do this had its consequences. For those unaware of how this works - which is probably most of you - there's incredibly little coverage of the NBA whatsoever over here in the wonderful island nations of Great Britain. Our basketball leagues themselves are shite, and there's almost no following or foothold for the sport.

In 1997, a terrestrial (meaning free) TV channel was launched called Channel 5 (now simply known as "Five"). One of the channel's earliest features, which has survived to this day, was the concept of having live American sport on throughout the night. They began with baseball, screening ESPN's Sunday and Wednesday Night Baseball games live, along with an occasional but extremely rare showing or two of This Week In Baseball. They also had some hockey, picked up some small NFL coverage (major satellite channel Sky Sports also has some of this, for it is the biggest of the major American sports here), and picked up NBA coverage just a couple of years ago.

Their coverage of the sport features a live game every Tuesday night, with a taped run of NBA TV's highlight show thing played beforehand. It's not much, but it's all that we've got, and so we run with it. The internet is a great resource for us hardened and pathetic fans, but this is all we get TV wise. It's not a lot.

What they do provide, though, is reasonably well done. The in-studio pairing of Mark Webster and Andre Alleyne doesn't offer much in the way of knowledge (Webster is the ultimate utility player, who can present any type of sports show, and who also seems to find radio work as a music, movie and "lifestyle" critic, yet he hasn't watched any basketball since about 1994), while Alleyne knows everything about the British basketball scene but not the NBA. Nevertheless, they provide good comentary and entertainment, play to their strengths, and don't get above their station. The game itself is just a replayed feed of the ESPN/NBC game itself, using American commentary. Which is probably safest.

However, in the run-up to this event, Five have made a bit of an effort. Adverts have run for a few weeks in advance, and they even cobbled together a preview show.

What they did in these adverts, though, annoys me intensely. So much so, in fact, that I did something that I've only done once before in life - I wrote a complaint letter.

I won't go into details, for most of it is outlined below. But basically, Channel 5 insulted our intelligence and potentially half of their viewership by adveritising the NBA brand to only black youths and wiggers. I'd go into this in more detail in this space, but as you're about to see, this post is way too long as it is. So I won't.



Anyway, onto the game itself. Here's what I noticed:


- During introductions, which went on for an overly long time as every single scrub managed to get his name announced, Kevin Garnett absolutely stole the show with a ridiculously long ovation. People in this country don't know anything about basketball, and those that do know merely only the basics (more on that later, re: Darren Bent interview). I firmly believe that I'm the only hardcore fan around. So you can imagine how greatly it disappointed me when Mark Madsen got one of the most underwhelming receptions of anybody. What? Why don't people know and respect who Mark Madsen is? Bastards. I'll have to change this.


- The game started with Boston playing reasonably well on both ends, and with Minnesota having absolutely no offensive strategy whatsoever. However, they hold the lead for almost all of the first quarter, as Ricky Davis is taking (and hitting) everything he can get his hands on. A sequence towards the end of the quarter is extremely indicative of the entire Ricky Davis Experience - off a Boston miss, Davis brings the ball up on a 2 on 5, goes behind the back to evade a gamble for a steal, then pulls up and shoots a three with no one in offensive rebounding position. He makes it. The crowd goes "yay!".

On the next possession, he shoots a 30 foot three in rhythm with 21 seconds left on the shot clock. He does not make it. The crowd does no go "yay!".

Thus starts and ends your entire Timberwolves offense so far without Al Jefferson (who, for some bizarre reason, is starting on the bench, as are all the regularly scheduled Timberwolves starters other than Davis and possibly Ryan Gomes. So it was nice of them to bring their A-game to this one-off sporting event of great importance in a country that really needs to see the cream of the crop to make the sport catch on. Thanks for that, Randy Wittman).


- The experience of this decidedly mediocre game featuring two wildly mismatched teams is awkward enough, without it having to suffer from sloppy presentation. But it does. All NBA basketball coverage in this country is played in with the American audio feed, like I said earlier. But if it's a British Basketball League game, or some Eurobasket/ULEB Cup games, the same commentator does every single game. I've never learned his name other than "Roy", and I don't like him, So it fills me full of dread when I find out that he is the play by play commentator for this game. I'm not going to enjoy this.

Sure enough, within minutes, he fluffs his first name. Struggling for words after a Minnesota miss, Roy stumbles out this seminal phrase:

"And the rebound there.......by the big fella.....number 55.......whose name is.........Estebaaaaaaan, Basteeta!"

He took so long over looking up the guy's name that Brian Scalabrine (who is apparently going by the name Scallerbreen tonight, or so says our Roy) has had to time to run down the other end and clank a jumpshot. And when Roy does stumble upon the right name, he gets it wrong anyway.

Someone give me this fucking job. Do it now.


- One thing Roy does have going for him, though, is that he is a honky. This isn't necessarily a positive, and nor would being black necessarily a negative. But in relative terms, it's a rare and beautiful thing. As outlined above, Channel 5 has apparently decided to try and appeal to one extremely specific market, like a minority insurance broker would. But they didn't stop at the aforementioned adverts - they decided to black out the entire lineup of presenters. While still featuring the regular studio pairing of Mark Webster and Andre Alleyne (one of each there), the sideline reporter for this game is wheelchair basketball star Adrian Adepitan, and in the in-studio special guest for the game is DJ Jazzy Jeff, of all people. Jeff's inclusion in the show is extremely pointless, although he does OK. But Adepitan, while he brings plenty of energy and enthusiasm to the proceedings, doesn't exactly endear himself to the masses. Again, more on this later - racial intergration is going to be something of a subplot to this post.


- Back to the game, and Tony Allen has subbed in. The first two seasons of Allen's career were marked by decent defensive play and athleticism, but incredibly shoddy offensive skills. Without any real ball handling skills and with a bad jumpshot, Allen would turn the ball over a lot, and didn't exactly fit in fluidly with any schemes the Celtics put him in. However, for a two month cameo last season, Allen seemed to have turned the corner, with vastly improved dribbling skills, improving his scorng efficiency roughly tenfold. His knee then blew out, and his season was over. So now that he has returned, is he the Tony Allen of old, or the Tony Allen of old? (If that makes sense. Which it doesn't.)

Based on the incredibly small sample size offered up by this first quarter, it's the old Tony Allen that we see before us, not the reformed Tony Allen. He looks......bad. So here's to small sample sizes - the ultimate ignorance conraceptive.


- Considering this game was a sell out months in advance, there's a ridiculously large number of empty seats in this o2 arena, which wasn't particularly big to begin with. This annoys me. It's a similar problem to what the English Football Association is having with national games in the new Wembley Stadium - corporations and men in suits buy the tickets as a novelty rather than due to their passion for the sport, and then they don't turn up. The same happens in the front row of every year's World Snooker Championship Final. It's stupid. It also appears to have happened here, and so despite the organiser's best efforts to replicate the usual NBA product with unnecessary mid game music, cheerleaders and other such stupid shit, the place lacks atmosphere. Inbounds plays are accompanied with a deathly silence, and you can hear Kendrick Perkins run around shouting on defense. It's eerie, and very unpleasant.

If the NBA had put a better product on the floor tonight (and if Randy Wittman put his best product on the floor), people would focus more on the game. Then they might have a good time. Then they might want to watch it again some day. And then they might become fans of the game. Just a wild strategy I'm throwing out there.


- Towards the end of the first quarter, after a highlight play, the camera pans briefly to a shot of the Minnesota bench. A player who I can't identify (may have been Chris Richard) is seen standing in front of the bench, with no warm-up top on, but with his warm up pants jacked up extremely high. The resulting Simon Cowell-esque trousers look, combined with the garish colour clash of the jersey versus the warm-ups, made him look incredibly stupid. This needed pointing out.


- Another weird facet of this game is that both teams are being treated by the crowd as the home team, getting whooped and cheered in equal measure. The ringside announcer does likewise, shouting names such as Ricky Davis and Brian Scalabrine with similar enthusiasm. This is an odd experience that I've never had before. But it's not necessarily a bad one.


- Kendrick Perkins opened the game with an isolation play that resulted in him making a nice fallaway jumpshot. Since then, he's missed The World's Easiest Layup, flumped around awkwardly, tried to make a putback off the shot clock, and hasn't exactly oozed offensive efficiency. Still, he's alongside Kevin Garnett. It's not that important that he scores, really.


- By this time, Minnesota's lack of offense from anyone not called Ricky is proving to be a going concern. They finish the first quarter ahead, but only because Davis has 16 of their points. No one else has done anything of note, with the exception of surprise starter Theo Ratliff, who has 4 points (one off of an isolation play), and who looks like the Theo Ratliff of old. More on this later, because it's too baffling of a thought at this moment.


- When Minnesota comes off the court to end the quarter, the cameraman (who suffers from a bad case of the shakes all night) once again pans to the Minnesota bench. Juwan Howard comes off the bench to greet the players coming off the court, and puts his arm around Gerald Green, doing the Mr-Miyagi-Daniel-san thing for which he is there. He slaps Gerald on the arse. Then he rubs his arse in a circular motion. Then he slaps it twice more. This didn't need to happen. The athletic bumslap NEVER needs to happen. But if you are ever compelled to do it, just do it once. Anything more and it turns awkward. Juwan has proven this.


- Esteban Batista has grown his hair into a rather fluffy fashion. It doesn't make him look very menacing. Someone needs to have a word.


- Oh by the way, I forgot to mention something. At the top, when I was rambling about commentator Roy McWonderface and the all-black lineup surrounding him, I neglected to mention Roy's (ironically named) colour commentator. The choice for tonight's broadcast is former NBA scrub Steve Bucknell, a man whom you've either never heard of, or whom you confused for the international cricket umpire of a very similar name. The reason I forgot to mention this is that Bucknell has barely said a damn word throughout the entire broadcast to date. This, however, is a good thing, because it doesn't take long to transpire that he is really bad. He may know the game of basketball fairly well, but he, like Roy, does not know anything about any of the NBA players on show. Nevertheless, Buck is a trooper, and after Eddie House comes in and knocks down a three, Bucknell offers up this golden nugget:

"Eddie House is good."

Yep. Thank you Steve, you champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while?

Bucknell also delivers his lines in a monotone and yawn-enducing fashion. But more on that later, too.


- Gerald Green walks around between plays with a snarl on his face and an unnecessarily gangster lean in his walk, rivalled only by that of Tampa Bay Rays starting pitcher J.P. Howell. I'm not sure I like it. At least look a bit happier with your life. You're a millionaire for bouncing a ball around, your life could be worse.


- By the way, Violet Palmer is still Violet Palmer.


- A broken play winds up with the ball underneath Minnesota's basket, in the hands of Esteban Basteeta. The fluffy headed one sells an ever-increasingly elaborate series of up fakes to try and get his defender, Craig Smith, to bite. Smith does not do so, and the reason he does not do so is probably because the fakes were the most unimpressive ones since the days of Anthony Mason. Perhaps Batista should put those toys away now. Or just tone them down slightly. No pump fake should start from the knees and end up with full skyward extension. That's just overkill.


- OK, seriously? To quote Iain Dowie and Twiztid at the same time, Theo Ratliff's bouncebackability is off the chain. He looks younger, he is moving with a freedom not seen since his brief cameo with Portland immediately after his trade from Atlanta, and he's once again trying to block everything with varying degrees of success. He has also demonstrated at least three offensive moves. It's wild stuff. At this point I wish I was able to say something like "if Ratliff has a bounce back year, and Juwan Howard's second wind continues, then don't sleep on these young, talented Timberwolves this season". But I can't. Neither could you if you'd just watched them in that first quarter.


- This is the first game that I have ever seen Corey Brewer play. He has been absolutely unredoubtably awful. His awfulness was highlighted by a wide (wiiiiide) open corner three that hit the side of the backboard. Probably best to just scratch this game of his from my mind and pretend it didn't happen.


- Shave off the beard, Al Jefferson. I know a thing or two about shit beards, for I own one. And you, sir, have a shit beard.


- Roy The Commentator surpasses himself, calling Marko Jaric "Maric" twice on two straight possessions, and then calling Rashad McCants something too unspeakably funny to type here. I wish I could believe that this was on purpose, for it would make me like Roy more. But I can't. He's just that much of an idiot.


- Speaking of McC*nts: serious knee injury aside, has this guy improved any since his first year? All I see is the same one dimensional wild-jumpshot-jacking player as before. I'd quite like that to change. I think Minnesota would quite like that to change, too. He also chews his gum with way too much gusto. It's nice to have a bit of passion and energy in your life, but this shouldn't be the way that he chooses to express it. The gum chewing is so loud, and the arena is so quiet, that we can hear it on the broadcast.


- In my free hand notes, I have written this:

"gerald green has no idea what he is doing"

I can't remember what it references exactly, but I stand by it.


- 7 minutes left into the second quarter, and Minnesota's jumpshot airball count stands at 4. None were worse than Brewer's miss from the corner, athough Ryan Gomes had a very short range shot that he put way too much mustard on that was also pretty ugly. Amazingly they're still winning, despite Boston playing better on both ends of the floor. And it was all because of Ricky Davis's lucid moment.


- Coming up to half time now, and sideline reporter Ade Adepitan has landed us four sideline interviews with celebrities thus far. Those four have been West Ham United footballers Anton Ferdinand and Carlton Cole, Chelsea star Didier Drogba, and Simon Webb from the boy band Blue.

What do those 4 have in common?

(Hint: do a Google image search. And remember what I said earlier about subplots.)


- During a timeout, action cuts quickly back to Webster, Alleyne and Jazzy Jeff in the studio. Alleyne conducts a brief interview with Jazz, whom he calls "Jeff". I thought that was noteworthy. Anyway, Webbo asks Jeff who the best celebrity basketball player is. Jeff responds with "R Kelly's pretty good". Hmm, OK. Not the story I heard, but OK.

Webster then says that he wishes he was R Kelly, then quickly retracts it. Probably best.


- You know, I might like Boston this year. I have no reason to dislike them (apart from James Posey), yet historically I always have. I think it's because I'm naturally adverse to the colour green. This year, though, they have acquired Garnett and Ray Allen, as well we know. This now gives them three eloquent superstars with some semblance of personality and intelligence. I look for these characteristics in basketball players, and Boston now has it. I like that. They also have Scot Pollard.....

....and I'll leave that sentence hanging so that you can finish it to suit yourselves.


- Tony Allen needs wart surgery on his left shoulder. That thing is disconcerting.


- I'd just like to say that I love the fact that Brian Scalabrine is in this league. The only thing that makes me happier than being able to root for him day in and day out, is the fact that he's not on my team. Much like kids falling over in car parks, it's great fun when it happens to somebody else.


- Roy called him Marko Maric again. For God's sake. How hard is your job, Roy? Couldn't you have spent at least 15 seconds learning these things before the show started? Jesus H.


- By the way, speaking of Marko Maric, he's not playing very well today, but I'd dearly love to have him on any team of mine. That is, if he wasn't on a 6 year $40 million contract. And since he is......screw it, Minnesota can keep him.


- Steve Bucknell comes out with his second sentence of the game immediately after Roy says Maric, leading with the opening gambit "this Marko guy". There you go, Steve. At least you dare not try to overcome your ignorance. Sensible to stick with what you know.


- Eddie House ("good") makes a nice no-look pass to a cutting Basteeta for a dunk. The move is instantly replayed, as Roy announces it as being the "E.A. Spoots Go-To Move". So apparently his inability to talk properly stretches beyond just the players names. Hmmm. Maybe he's just caned or something.


- Oh God. Now Lewis freakin' Hamilton is being interviewed. We're now 5 to 0 on the Celebrity Sideline Interview Black Vs White ratio counter. And something tells me we're not quite done yet. It isn't even half time.


- Minnesota is playing absolutely terribly to end the first half, and finally relinquishes their lead, as Boston goes on a quick 13 point turnaround. Worringly, Minnesota is playing their normal bench lineup at this moment, which spells danger for the upcoming season. You should never read too much into preseason, but, if this is the best offensive continuity that they can manage with opening night only three weeks away.......there's going to be tears.


- Marko "Silvio" Maric is at the free throw line. Before he shoots his first shot, Roy lauds Marko's free throw shooting abilities, using the descriptive phrase "absolutely outstanding" to describe them. Marko then promptly misses the first. Has anyone done any scientific research on this commentator's curse thing? I swear it exists. Truly. Someone make this happen.


- In one run-on sentence spanning 8 seconds, using incredibly long vowel sounds, Roy The Commentator said, and I quote:

"Oh look at that dunk, by Paul Pierce! Excuse me, it's Kevin Garnett inside!!! I'll
say that again, it's Kendrick Perkins!!!!!!"

Sweet God. End it now.


- Half time is upon us, and Channel 5 lays on a whole host of nothingness to celebrate this fact. There is an obligatory Luol Deng montage which always accompanies any NBA footage in this country (and I'm totally fine with that), and some more talking with Jeffy Jazz. All Jeff seems to know about is the Philadelphia 76ers, and all his answers lead back to that subject soon enough. Before long, that's where the questions start off at, too. Additionally, British national basketball team head coach Chris Finch joins the studio crew at the half, improving the white American count by a tune of one, bringing the total up to....um, one.

As if on cue, Ade Adepitan has landed a brief interview with Brian Scalabreeeen on the sidelines. Ade opens the interview by saying "They call him Veal", and you've never seen a man's face turn from happy to livid faster than Scalabrine's did at that moment. He maintained this scowl all the time that Ade was prattling off his questions. But when it was Brian's turn to talk, he resumed his consistently chirpy nature. Scowl, smile, scowl, smile, scowl, smile. What an interview. I reiterate my previous sentiments about Brian Scalabrine. Ledge.


- The second half starts, and Juwan Howard is wearing a protective face mask. I can't remember seeing if he wore this in the first half. That's how inconsequential he was. I don't think he did. Either way, it doesn't suit.


- Not long into the second half, and Kendrick Perkins, starting from outside the three point line from straight away, dribble drives to the rim and makes a no-look hand off pass for a basket. I only have one question - where in the hell did that come from? And will it ever happen again? Oh wait, that's two questions.


- Minnesota's first field goal in the second half involves getting the ball to Ricky Davis 20 feet from the hoop, facing away from the hoop, and with everyone else clearing out. Ricky holds the ball for 5 seconds before taking a contested fallaway. It goes in. The crowd goes "yay!". That's the Ricky Davis Experience, folks, coming to a three point line near you.


- Roy calls Theo Ratliff, "Ratcliffe". I am currently priming a rifle.


- Minnesota is continuing their absolutely terrible run of play, one that began back in the second quarter. Boston seems to get a hand on every one of their passes, the Celtics have numerous breakaways including two-on-none's, and the Timberwolves have no offensive flow whatsoever. That said, they've amazingly looked better today when Sebastian Telfair has run the point. And believe me when I say that is not an endorsement of Sebastian Telfair.


- And just like that, speaking of Telfair, he leaves his feet to pass the ball and throws up a wild shot on a subsequent drive. So he's still Sebastian Telfair after all. It's a shame how little this boy has done so far with all the opportunity in the world.


- After a foul stops play and no continuation is called, Jaric shoots a shot towards the rim anyway. Garnett leaps up and blocks it just before it hits the rim, in that way that so many people like to do when the game has stopped. That seems like an activity fraught with danger to me. Maybe not as much danger as, say, nude luge on a sled made of porcupines, but still pretty dangerous. A goaltend is just around the corner. Has anyone been caught out doing this before? I need feedback on that.


- Sebastian Telfair makes a drive to the rim and hangs in the air, finishing beautifully with the left hand. Did I just do the commentator's curse in reverse? Hey, I rhymed. Cool.


- Ray Allen hits a 20 foot jumpshot, which prompts Roy The Commentator to exclaim, "Ray Allen has answered his critics here tonight". Ray Allen had critics?


- Juwan Howard's mobility, always poor, is even worse tonight. He moves gingerly and slowly, not able to get up and down the court faster than Dick Bavetta on the sidelines. And with that mask on, he also looks really silly doing it. Not a good sign here for Minnesota, as Howard remains a complete non factor in the game. The only thing he's down was give Green that cheeky rub up. Still, even a non-existant Juwan Howard is better to have than the net negative that was Mike James.


- Kendrick Perkins misses the first of two free throws, and I think I know why. He doesn't glance towards the rim until the very split second before he releases the ball. I can't see how you can get a decent scope of the distance when doing that. You might want to try looking for a bit longer, Kenny.


- Perkins makes the second. I'd like to think that I've made a difference here today.


- Kevin Garnett has looked quite bad on offense in this game. He's out of sync, a situation not helped by him not getting any touches. Despite being guarded by Juwan Howard and Ryan Gomes for long periods, the Celtics don't seem to have done much with that advantage, and Garnett has barely seen the ball. The rest of his game is all there tonight, but the team's sharing of the ball on offense isn't down pat yet.


- Right on cue, Roy says after a KG rebound, "Kevin Garnett is having an outstanding game". He has 5 points and 6 rebounds at that moment, midway through the third quarter. But I don't blame Roy for saying that. I think he was contractually mandated to say it, given that the only reason that 12,000 of the 18,000 people that are here for this game are only here because they know about Garnett, and the same is probably true of the majority of the viewers at home. (By the way, the empty seats have slowly filled, which is a relief.)


- More from Roy after a Garnett travel: "They haven't a problem with travelling any more in the NBA". Um, really? I think you'll find it may be the complete opposite there, Royster. The only reason you don't see as many travel calls any more is because they don't call them, not because they don't happen. Yeah, we really need to get a real NBA commentator in here. I'm free and willing.


- After that Garnett travel, he gets the ball on the two possessions immediately afterwards. On the first one he shoots an off-balance airball, and on the second he travels again. Definitely a bit of a mare for him tonight, on a night when an entire nation tuned in to watch him. And by "entire nation", I mean like 400,000 people.


- Roy, please stop pointing out the difference between NBA and FIBA rules. It's not like any of the viewing audience out there now the FIBA rules in the first place. And besides, your own grasp of the NBA rules is not that hot.


- Heh. Another interview. This one with another footballer, Aston Villa midfielder (and scourge of my fantasy league team) Nigel Reo-Coker. This whole "only interview black people" thing stopped being a joke a while ago.

In his interview, Nigel says without prompting, "I'm into basketball, obviously", then follows it up with "this is the first game I've ever been to".

Therefore, explain why it's "obvious"? Is it because you are black? Yes, yes I think it is. That's what Channel 5 wants us to learn from this. You're black! You like basketball! Watch our basketball shows! Genius marketing. Genius.


- Roy starts getting a bit too comfortable, and cites that Ray Allen was called for "illegal use of the feet, in the form of a foul". Not sure that terminology is going to catch on there, Roymond.


- HOLY BALLS! A Mexican wave at an NBA game! This baby has some life left in her yet! Maybe this is the moment that basketball was truly discovered in Britain. I love this country. We'll show those darn Yanks how to spectate at sporting events, by God. Someone get drunk and inflate a crowd sized beach ball, like at the cricket. We run this shit now.


- Another travel called on Garnett. But never mind, he'll be subbed out in a minute. Doc Rivers hasn't gone 17 deep yet.


- Minnesota is down 12 at the end of the third quarter. On their first possession of the fourth quarter, Roy says that they are in a "must score situation". Funny, I thought that they were only down 12 with 12 minutes left. But then, what would I know. I ain't a patch on ol' Roy here. Please don't invent drama. Thanks.


- On Roy's advice, Minnesota begins the fourth with some of the best play that they've put up so far tonight. Once again, they look better when Telfair is running things. Although maybe that's more due to the House/T. Allen/Posey/Scalabreen/Basteeta lineup that Doc Rivers is giving a rare but beautiful airing to. Yeah, actually, it's that.


- Follow up point on Batista - ever since he was signed by the Hawks back in the offseason of 2005, I have tracked his progress intensely, and watched almost every minute he played over the next two seasons. Don't ask me why this was, because I don't really know. In that time, I saw nothing of note, other than a good rebounder without an NBA calibre game. The Hawks seemed to agree, leaving him unrestricted this summer. However, after the FIBA tournament (of which I did not see a single minute), everyone waxed lyrical about his awesomeness and all-around skills. I didn't see any of his play in this tournament, nor did I see much skill in his time at Atlanta. But I shut my mouth and chose a path of skepticism.

Tonight's performance has reaffirmed my stance here. He's not good.


- Sideline interview number 7 is with Ashley Walters, who apparently is a big name in the British music scene (what would I know, I listen to bluegrass). He, too, is black. But Adepitan teases us beforehand saying (I shit you not):

"Just to show that we're not totally biased, we're showing someone that isn't....."


........black? Nope........


"......a footballer."

Way, way, way beyond a joke now. Basically, Ade is just interviewing his friends. No, really, he is. You should see how well they're all getting along. Well, except Drogba. And he's just a miserable bastard anyway.


- To follow up on that, you have to understand that I'm not offended by the stream of black people being interviewed just because they're black. Not at all. It's just that it is just really irresponsible for Channel 5 this to not just allow this blatant niche marketing to happen, but also to actively push for it. I'm well aware of the fact that basketball is a big name sport in black communities, and that the majority of players at the top level are black. But there's a reason black people are considered an ethnic minority in this country - it's because there are fewer of them. So by focusing solely on them (oh you are, don't front like you aren't), you're freezing out the majority. And it's not a good idea for a TV channel to freeze out the majority viewership of something they're trying quite hard to make a success. I'm just saying. Make the show appeal to everybody, and see who sticks around. It's not that hard.


- Corey Brewer finally did something right, getting a steal by trapping on the baseline. Then he ran into Violet Palmer and lost the ball. Yep, I'll definitely just disregard this outing.


- Right on cue, Brewer hits a mid range jumpshot. Yay! Start of big things for the boy.


- Midway through the fourth quarter now, and someone seems to have handed Roy a memo on how to pronounce Scalabrine, for he finally gets it right. He then calls Gabe Pruitt "Gabby", and does so for the rest of the game. Shoot me now. No, wait, shoot Roy now.


- The resident court mopper for this game is a man with a big pile of towels. Oh dear. I guess us plucky Brits haven't quite got this NBA thing down yet. Give us time.


- By the way, throughout all this, Craig Smith is still the don. Minnesota has not put up a good showing, largely due to them airing out a few lineups that we'll never see again. But Smith has shined, despite not being particularly effective on offense. Chris Richard, too, has done OK in his limited minutes, and despite currently being the 16th man on a roster of 15 guaranteed contracts, I think Minnesota knows full well that they have to somehow fit this guy in. If they waive him and keep Mark Madsen, it's not exactly going to be easy for McHale and Taylor to prove that they know what they're doing. That's a battle that they've been losing for a few years already. Now would be a good time to turn it around. Don't make a good pick and then lose him.


- I've said it before, but it bears repeating - this colour commentator Steve Bucknell is absolutely awful. Right now it's even weirder than before. As this game draws to a climax, and the atmosphere really picks up, Bucknell's dulcit tones and slow delivery have gotten even worse,and his volume level has gone down. He's now basically whispering. The only advantage is that he's hardly said a word. Someone please get the Jon Champion/Richard The Director's Assistant pairing from the 2000 Olympics coverage back. They had it going on. Alternatively, borrow some knowledgable Yanks for one night only. I bet Kevin Calabro would have done it, and he's sublime.


- The 8th and penultimate sideline interview is with another black footballer. This one is with Darren Bent, the Tottenham Hotspur (booooo!) and England (yaaaay!) footballer. Things get off to a great start when Ade Adepitan introduces him as Darren Brent, a slip that seems to go unnoticed. Also, Ade brings home what I was saying earlier about both interviewing his friends, and also going for the black appeal thing, as he utters the timeless phrase "that top is blinging, blood".

Again, it doesn't need doing. I appreciate that that's how you talk, Ade, and I'm totally cool with that. I have friends from London too. But it's just another example of the problem here - it's making it harder for white folks to get into the program when it's so constant like this. Let's find a middle ground, eh?

The interview also starts with another teasing line, when Ade opens with, "just to show we aren't biased, here's a non-West Ham player". Ho ho ho, once again I thought he was going to say "a white person"!

And it also features stunning insight such as this:

Adepitan: "Who's your favourite player out there today?"
Brent: "Lebron."

Awesome. Five consistently rolling out a quality product.


- Corey Brewer misses two foul shots and then commits a silly foul to complete his bad day, and Doc Rivers goes for it with the full bench lineup over the final 5 minutes. This bench lineup includes Glen "Big Baby" Davis, who absolutely schools Chris Richard on a baseline spin immediately after entering. Davis then proceeds to shine for the final few minutes, which is great fun for one simple reason.

Normally, whenever an NBA game enters garbage time, at least one player of the ten on the floor at the end is a cut above the rest. He's only in there because the team can only have 12 active players a night, and therefore has no more scrubs to offer up. So this one player gets a chance to shine in the final few moments, and the fact that they are so much better than everybody else becomes quickly apparent. Such a situation has arisen here with Davis, who is by far and away the best player on the court for either side. But Marko Jaric thinks HE is this player, and is playing accordingly, shooting sweeping hook shots and fallaway jumpers. He misses them all in due course. You're not doing yourselves any favours here, Marko.

This also marked the first time I ever caught on to the irony of Glen Davis playing in the McDonalds High School game. Hooray for me!


- We just have time for two more snippets of Roy before the final whistle sounds on a comfortable Boston win.

1) After Glen Davis hits a jumpshot: "if Davis doesnt have a contract, he's trying to get one". Come on now Roy. It's a simple matter of record. Just fucking ask me if you want to know. I'm available to help.

2) Starting his summary, Roy again says "Garnett has had a fabulous game here". He really hasn't. Really! It's easy to follow the commentary textbook, isn't it? Now do some proper work.



- At the end of the game, the 9th and final interview takes places. It is with grime and hip hop artist, Dizzie Rascal.

Kill me now. It's not worth the fight any more.




I think I have more passion for the NBA game than the rest of this country combined. A little passion goes a long way. But when combined with the "ins" that I've cultivated in recent years, plus my talkiness and habit for stupid metaphors, I firmly believe that I could single handedly begin to raise the profile of the sport in this country.

And perhaps I ought.

I just don't know how to go about it.

30 teams in 36 or so days: Atlanta

Atlanta Hawks

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

None



Players acquired via draft:

First round: Al Horford (3rd overall), Acie Law IV (11th overall)



Players retained:

None



Players departed:

Royal Ivey (unsigned, crap), Slava Medvedenko (unsigned, crap), Esteban Batista (unsigned, crap)



Bobbins:

The Hawks got lucky, I think they would admit that. The Joe Johnson trade of 2005 left the Hawks owing two first round picks to Phoenix. One of these had already been conveyed, and was used to select Rajon Rondo last year, whom Phoenix then stupidly sold to Boston. The other pick was still outstanding headed into this summer, and was only top 3 protected, meaning that Atlanta had to win a top three spot in the lottery.

They did this, despite only having the fourth worst record and thus only the fourth most chances of moving up (I say "only", but that's enough to make it a statistical improbability). For that, they should be bloody thankful - had they not done so, they would have had a mediocre roster, with only an MLE and the number 11 pick to work with to improve it. And that would not have been fun. Ironically, the three teams with worse records than Atlanta (Milwaukee, Boston, Memphis) all failed to move up, thus proving the worthlessness of statistical probability.

(Incidentally, the number 11 pick itself was also subject to changes in the lottery - the pick was Indiana's as a part of the Al Harrington last summer, and had top 10 protection on it. Had Indiana moved up in the lottery, Atlanta would not have gotten it, and had Indiana moved up into Atlanta's place moving Atlanta out of the top three, Atlanta would have had no first rounder at all this year. Which would have been bad.)

Despite that little but of sorely needed good fortune, things could have been so much more profitable for Atlanta this offseason, were it not for a few things not quite falling their way. As welcome as it was to move up to the number 3 spot, the position is something of an anti-climax in this 'two superstars' draft: it only needed one more spot, and Atlanta had either Greg Oden or Kevin Durant to call their own. And if Billy Knight hadn't decided that the holy trinity of Speedy Claxton, Lorenzen Wright and Anthony Johnson was so valuable that it was worth spending nearly $12.5 million for next year (and, in the case of Johnson, also costing the Hawks their 2007 second round pick), Atlanta would also have had maximum cap room this offseason.

So that's a bugger.

(That trio, by the way, combined to score 597 points on 658 shots for Atlanta last year, at a scintillating 39% shooting, 54% from the free throw line. And they aren't there for their defense. Wright is now a third string center, and Claxton and Johnson are fighting it out for the 3rd and 4th string point guard spots. Feisty!)

Still, regardless of what mistakes had been made prior, General Manager Billy Knight made the correct picks with his two first rounders. Needing a young power forward/center with an inside scoring game, and a point guard who could distribute the ball, play some defense and not suck too much, Knight chose Horford and Law. The two not only figure to be a good young tandem to add to an already highly talented young core of players, but who also sound like a very believable name for an accounting company. And that's what matters, really.

Seemingly working to a budget, with both Josh Smith and Josh Childress to have their extensions (if signed) kick in next season, the Hawks haven't made any roster moves outside of these draft picks. With 14 roster spots filled with guaranteed contracts, the Hawks didn't have a lot of room to play around anyway. The only sub plot to develop from the Hawks offseason has been surrounding the man himself, Esteban Batista.

Left unrestricted by the Hawks, Batista has attracted a modicum of interest around the league, largely based off of his performances in the FIBA tournament this summer. It sure wasn't for his performances in his first two seasons in the NBA - Batista played 576 minutes in his two seasons and 70 games with the Hawks, the majority of which came in garbage time. Given my undue and inexplicable love for terrible basketball players and the garbage time in which they shine, I endeavoured to try and watch every single minute in which he played, and came fairly close to doing so. All Batista managed to demonstrate to NBA standard was his rebounding psoitional sense, and good strength. Everything else was lacking. In layman's terms, he did sod all.

And yet now, he's strangely hot property, due to his fine performances on the big stage as Uruguay's personal one man show. Hmmm. Maybe he got better or something. Or maybe I'm just wrong about stuff. That would be bad, but a fair comment.



Next season:

Last season, I pencilled the Hawks in for roughly 38-40 wins. I did not document this anywhere, which was probably best, given that they missed this mark by the worryingly large margin of 10 games.

With the benefit of hindsight, it's easy to see why they did so. Never a particularly deep roster to begin with, only one Hawks player managed to play over 72 games (Shelden Williams with 81), and even All Star Joe Johnson's consecutive games streak ending at 376, playing in only 57 contests for the year. Additionally, the unmitigated disaster that was the signings of Speedy Claxton and Lorenzen Wright did not help anyone, nor did the deadline trade for Anthony Johnson. Point guard play all season long was a massive weakness, as you would expect from any team which featured Tyronn Lue as its best, most consistent option at the position. And the backup center soap opera continued to disappoint with no real resolution to be found.

Despite all of what went wrong, though, I don't believe that a similar prediction for next year would be too out of the question. Point guard remains a concern - Claxton's knees may never be good again, and who knows how well or how quicly Law adjusts - but the Hawks should have more luck with injuries this year, and they also have an extremely talented roster, something often overlooked. With a lineup scheduled to feature Josh Smith, Joe Johnson, Shelden Williams, Horford + Law Ltd, Josh Childress, Zaza Pachulia and Marvin Williams, Atlanta boasts a young rotation full of talented players who continue to improve, and who have mostly been together for quite a while now. While as a team they continue to struggle for consistency, their talent level counts for quite a lot, and having young role players like Salim Stoudamire and Solomon Jones on hand too is a further bonus.

Although they've had to trawl through some hard times, some bad luck and some mismanagement to get there, the Hawks have wound up with a core of players that almost every team in the NBA, bar about 6, would dearly swap with. And that counts for a lot.

It just should have been better.

Still, their expendable players can rustle up about $10 million in expiring contracts, should they choose to go that route. Let's see what becomes of that.

Probably nothing.