Summer signings, round 17

.....And by "signings", I mean "one big six player trade and some bland filler, cared about by no one but I". Note: grammar may not be as blazingly shit hot as author's nationaliy would suggest.

- James Augustine has signed with Gran Canaria in Spain, where he'll play alongside Joel Freeland. It is unlikely, however, that Augustine will play as well as Freeland, because Freeland is a freakin' legend. Also, I am still awaiting answers on how Augustine was waived by the Magic when he wasn't under contract. Did someone misreport his qualifying offer being retracted, or did he sign a contract reaaaaaaally quietly just to be waived within a few weeks? Someone tell me, because I care too much.

- Ronald Murray signed with the Atlanta Hawks. Do the Hawks really need another backup guard that can't shoot, when they have Acie Law, Speedy Claxton and Maurice Evans already? I doubt it. Nooooo, what they need is a good shooter. Like, say, Salim Stoudamire. (Readers note: I know that Maurice Evans has, somehow, developed himself into a good outside shooter, despite only using one hand to do so. But for some reason, my instinctive reaction is always to assume that Evans still can't shoot, even though he clearly can. I am holding something that isn't Evans's fault, or that is even true, against Maurice Evans, purely to make a petty point that doesn't even make sense. But whatever. Shut up. I'm having fun.)

- Andre Barrett signed with Barcelona, where he will combine with Juan Carlos Navarro to form what is officially the smallest backcourt in the history of professional basketball. (Note: may not be official.)

- Josh Powell signed with the L.A. Lakers after being waived by the Clippers at the end of last month. Now here's what I'm wondering: did Josh Powell have a house in L.A., and did he sell it once the Clippers waived him? Because, if so, whoops. On a more important basketball level: good move, Lakers.

- Andre Iguodala re-signed with the Philadelphia Sixers for lots of money, a comparable if not identical sum to that of Luol Deng before him. Most websites would lead with this announcement. This website leads with James Augustine. If you don't like that, go view another website. (Readers note: do not go view another website.)

- Brandon Bowman has signed with Telekom in Germany. If anybody wants an unpaid research job, do me a favour, and go research how many players have left the NBA (training camps count), signed in the German league, and been able to make it back to the big dance. Off the top of my head, I can't think of any, and I can't be bothered to look it up due to the inherent pointlessness of doing so. So feel free to do it for me.

- Damir Markota - him of the experience - has signed with Cibona Zagreb. Must have good clubs there. (Basketball clubs, obviously.)


- And finally, something interesting. It's time for a threesome.

Cleveland acquires Maurice Williams
Cleveland trades Damon Jones and Joe Smith

Milwaukee acquires Luke Ridnour, Damon Jones and Adrian Griffin
Milwaukee trades Maurice Williams and Desmond Mason.

Oklahoma City acquires Joe Smith and Desmond Mason.
Oklahoma City trades Luke Ridnour and Adrian Griffin.


Oklahoma City gets two decent players and $10 million in expirings for what essentially constitutes nothing at all. Cleveland gets the best player in the deal for two rather redundant expiring contracts. Meanwhile, Milwaukee trades the best player, arguably the third best player, and receives a whole sack of shit in return.

Hmmm.

I know why they did it. I think we all do - the pairing of Maurice Williams and Michael Redd wasn't working out, never foreseeably could, and needed splitting up. I get that much. But, if you've just traded the contract of Bobby Simmons for an in-his-prime Richard Jefferson, does this not signify that:

a) You'd quite like to win now?
b) You're probably not going for the ol' 2010 plan?

So when why you dump one of your better players (and a decent backup in Mason) for another backup and some filler, just to save some money? It's not like Ridnour is even expiring, and if the Bucks perceive that he has some vital usage for them on the court, they're wrong on that.

By all means trade Williams. Break up the worst defensive backcourt in basketball. Open the way for Ramon Sessions. Save a few quid. But at least get a decent player in return. May I suggest a power forward that isn't Charlie Villanueva as a decent starting point.

Was this really the best deal out there? They couldn't get back a player better than Luke freakin' Ridnour for a 17/6 scoring guard? One whom they just tied in to a market value long term contract?

I hope that it was. I also hope that it wasn't.


(Also, the Ron Artest trade that was talked about earlier finally went down. But you probably knew that already.)

Charles Barkley's Golf Swing

..via Scott May. (Not Sean May.)

---

In the unlikely event that you haven't seen Charles Barkley's golf swing before, here it is. (Warning: if you like golf, don't even bother getting yourself worked up about this. We know. He knows.)



That wasn't just a one off, either. He's going to do it again here too.



And this time he's going to do it really slowly.



And now Tiger Woods, who's pretty decent, is going to have a go.



Fuck it, let's all have a go. In our kitchens. With a bowling pin. And our socks pulled up. And our very giggly English girlfriends who think we're great. And who can't hold a camera straight.




I can sympathise. It's weird how the mind games get in the way of a relatively simple action. Ask one of the many suffers of dartitis: sometimes, you just can't complete your action. (Kind of like me with my amateurish tenpin bowling abilities. Nowhere in the Book Of Bowling Technique does it advocate falling over to the right after letting go of the ball, or the slightly autistic arm lock that I do before each bowl. And in no way do I try to work those things into my game. But by God, they're there. It's a stupid bloody game anyway.)

Still, it's weird that a man willing to gamble so much money on his golfing ability doesn't get this slightly detrimental hitch in his swing looked at professionally. It seems worth the expense to avoid otherwise heavy losses.

(Well, that's one conclusion at least. Another more cynical theory would be to say that Barkley, a showman, has somehow honed that sack of shite over the years, purely to entertain the masses. Doubtful, but possible.)

Here's someone who DOESN'T do it for show, though - Chuck Hayes. You'll all seen the clips of his free throw shooting struggles, and by God, you're going to see them again.




Just because we can.

I wanted to follow that up with a montage of weird, awkward, incorrect and mental-block free throw techniques from players around the globe. (And by "around the globe", I mean "in the NBA".) I want to show a clip of Desmond Mason's "Shitting Dog", a montage of Tyson Chandler's various attempts over the years to overcome his own personal battle again free throw autism, the vast gaping chasm of difference between Tim Duncan's current technique and what he used to do back when he didn't suck at it, the Olden Polynice Experience (where every free throw is shot in a different style to the one before it. At least, that's what he used to do as his career ground to a halt in the ABA), and Bo Outlaw's persistently perfect attempts to draw a lane violation on at least two members of each team.

But, sadly, the NBA is really anal about things like that being on Youtube. There are no such videos out there. And it's a damn shame. Since there's no "Amusing Free Throw Technique Channel" on NBA.com, why can't we be allowed to improvise? Why be so miserable about this? Moanarses.


In place of this, here's a video of Bo Outlaw having his photo taken with some girl during warm-ups. It's not what I wanted to bring you when I set about this post with such gusto, but it's better than nothing. Maybe. She enjoyed it, at least.

30 teams in 36 or so days: Milwaukee

Milwaukee

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Desmond Mason (2 years, $10.4 million)
Jake Voskuhl (1 year, $3 million)
Awvee Storey (one year minimum)



Players acquired via draft:

First round: Yi Jianlian (6th overall)
Second round: Ramon Sessions (56th overall)



Players retained:

Maurice Williams (re-signed, 6 years, $51.263 million)



Players departed:

Ersan Ilyasova (signed in Spain, rights retained), Charlie Bell (unsigned, rights retained for now), Damir Markota (waived on general principle, see blog entry), Earl Boykins (opted out, unsigned), Jared Reiner (signed in Spain), Ruben Patterson (signed with Clippers), Brian Skinner (team option declined, unsigned, thinks he's worth more than he is)





Bobbins:

It's difficult to convey how I feel about the Bucks offseason and recent past without stealing too much directly from my own recent blog entry.

So that's exactly what I'll do.

After a poor 2004-05 season in which they finished with a disappointing 30-52 record, the Bucks beat long odds to win the lottery, and also had maximum cap room available to them. This offseason, they once again had potentially maximum cap room, and a high pick (number 6) in a supposedly powerhouse draft.

Once again, they have not taken advantage.

2005's offseason yielded Andrew Bogut with the number 1 overall pick, one of the better players of a weak draft but far from the best. The cap space was spent on re-signing Michael Redd to a maximum contract (decide amongst yourselves whether it was worth it, but the correct answer is "not really"), signing the Most Improved player of the previous season (Bobby Simmons) to a $46.4 million contract only to then see him miss one season and disappoint in the other, and re-signing Dan Gadzuric to a considerably overpriced deal, all while letting the considerably younger, considerably cheaper and considerably better Zaza Pachulia sign with Atlanta, unchallenged.

This offseason brought much of the same: they signed another starting small forward in Desmond Mason, who figures to not only make the Simmons signing look that much worse, but who should also be roughly the equal of the man he is replacing - Ruben Patterson - and signed Jake Voskuhl to compete with/replace Gadzuric at the backup center spot. Voskuhl, too, figures to be the mere equal of the guy he has replaced, the unheralded Brian Skinner. (OK, so "unheralded" is a blatant embellishment. But you know what I mean.)

In addition to the disappointments in free agency, the Bucks also had an ongoing saga with their draft choice at number 6, Yi Jianlian, whose agents and 'people' warned Milwaukee that their client did not want to play there, going as far as refusing to let Bucks personel watch a private workout conducted by Yi. The Bucks took the risk and drafted him anyway, and much dalliance ensued. It ended reasonably amicably, as Yi has signed his rookie contract and will join the team as normal. But it is reported that he does so only after obtaining a minimum playing time guarantee. And that's.....bizarre.

Charlie Bell, one of the few bright spots over the last two years (an under-the-radar find by General Manager Larry Harris, a man who is quite good at doing that), has been subjected to his own soap opera with the Bucks this offseason. A restricted free agent combo guard, Bell had to take a back seat as the Bucks prioritised the re-signing of unrestricted guard Maurice Williams (who, for what it's worth, has the same agent as Bell), and also had no choice but to look on as Milwaukee spent the rest of their cap space on Desmond Mason and Jake Voskuhl (who, for what it's worth, also has the same agent as Bell). This probably unsettled Charlie a bit - if a team spends the salary slot that they should be using on you to instead sign a 10mpg back up center, you're entitled to interpret that as a bit of a kick in the balls.

Nevertheless, the Bucks kept Bell as a restricted free agent, not renouncing him as they did with everybody else (except Ersan Ilyasova), and continued to negotiate with him. Bell turned down all offers made to him by Milwaukee, but never signed an offer sheet with another club, despite playing the field a bit to try and force Milwaukee to increase their offer. Milwaukee didn't - at least, not by enough for Bell, who turned down Milwaukee's reported final offer of 3 years and $9 million. And now Bell's all but gone, leaving Milwaukee with Lynn Greer, Ramon Sessions and David Noel as backup guards for next year. They can, they will and they should do something about that before the season starts, but with only the minimum salary to work with, that's not a good result from what started out as near-maximum cap room.

All in all, something of a cock-up this offseason. Even the bits that went well only did so via a roundabout method.

Oh, and let's not forget the Damir Markota experience. This was fun.



Next season:

The Bucks's championship aspirations last season were marred by two rather important drawbacks:

a) Everybody seemed to get injured
b) They were a terrible defensive team.

The only Bucks players to play more than 68 games last year were Patterson and Bell. The only Bucks players to play much defense last year were Patterson, Bell and Brian Skinner.

Those three have all left the team.

Replacing them are Desmond Mason, a player that Milwaukee need not have ever lost in the first place were it not for the extremely poor Jamaal Magloire trade of October 2005, and a man scheduled to play Ruben Patterson's former role to a lesser standard than Ruben Patterson did (but hey, at least Mase isn't a registered sex offender!). Jake Voskuhl replaces Brian Skinner and, while he's not a particularly good one, Jake has an outside chance at being the Bucks best defensive player this season. If he sees the court, that is. And as mentioned above, Charlie Bell and Earl Boykins have not been replaced, leaving the Bucks very thin in the backcourt behind the starters.

This rather unsuccessful shuffling of personel leaves a lot of pressure and expectation on the Bucks' young big man trio of Andrew Bogut, Charlie Villanueva and Yi Jianlian. In the coming season or two, one - or preferably more than one - of these players has to step up, break out, and assume the franchise mantle. Villanueva and Bogut have the talent to do so, but both suffered disappointing sophomore seasons in which they did not make particularly significant improvements to their games, albeit with both missing a lot of games due to injury. However, all the opportunity they can handle is once again available to them (unless you think Jake Voskuhl was signed to be a regular starter. In which case, you're an idiot), and the Milwaukee franchise goes as far as they do. Milwaukee needs them to succeed for this current era to be going anywhere.

If they don't, the Bucks will once again be an offense-only team, led by the perimeter games of Michael Redd and Maurice Williams, a team that can make the 6-8 seeds if all goes well, or a team which could once again end up in the lottery if their luck with injuries does not change.

Oh yeah, and Andrew Bogut cut his hair into a pony tail. I thought you should know.