Summer league round-up: Memphis Grizzlies

This roster is heaving with talent, and will be particularly special if you're a fan of the Connecticut Huskies. Remember, this list doesn't include Rudy Gay.

View the Grizzlies summer league roster.

- Jeff Adrien: If Adrien was 6'9, he would have been drafted. He's a consistent double double player, a strong rebounder, aggressive defender and solid post-up scorer, with good post-up defense, a hook shot, and more energy than a coked-up Jerome Williams. However, he can't shoot or face up at all, and nor does he have any periemeter defense. He's an out and out power forward, generously listed at 6'7. And therefore, he's an undersized hustle player who'll always be on the outside, fighting to get in.

- Darrell Arthur: Arthur's rookie season consisted of 44% shooting, a raging foul problem, and an embarassing incident involving marijuana and "women" at the rookie initiation. Despite being the only power forward on the team's roster, and the opportunity of 64 starts last year, Arthur did little with it, and the team often found itself going with the unsuitable Hakim Warrick or Darko Milicic in his place. So big was the power forward hole that the Grizzlies have agreed to trade to Zach Randolph as a last ditch resort (a deal which still hasn't been officially consummated for whatever reason). Arthur still could bounce back and be a solid contributor, especially since it's far from certain that Warrick is going to return. But dispensing with the apathy might help, as might some defensive intensity.

- DeMarre Carroll: In my eyes, Carroll was not a first round round talent, yet he was picked 27th anyway, giving Memphis a cheap backup combo forward that means they won't have to pay Hakim Warrick. Carroll is an example of the classic college power forward trying to reinvent himself as a small forward, but he's done quite well at it, enough to get into the first round at least. But I still would have picked Wayne Ellington instead, especially considering the Sam Young pick at #36. Anyway.

- Erik Daniels: Daniels played all of last year as a centre, despite being a small forward by trade. He did well at it, too, averaging 21.0 points, 9.9 rebounds and 4.6 assists per game for the expansion Erie BayHawks. However, considering the above two entries, is Memphis really the ideal NBA franchise of choice for a combo forward looking for an end-of-the-bench spot?

- Daniel Ewing: Ewing played for Prokom Sopot in Poland last year, a team also int he Euroleague. In the Euroleague, Ewing scored 12.9 points per game and shot 38% from downtown, starting at point guard (he also averaged 2.7 assists) on a team laden with ex-fringe NBA players. It was a decent season for him, but it didn't really change his stock any; he's still a fringe NBA player, caught between two positions, with a decent jumpshot but no extraordinary skills. And so it's probably back to Europe for him.

- Trey Gilder: Gilder was eligible for the draft last month (I think) despite being in the D-League last year. He averaged 13.6 points and 5.4 rebounds, fairly pedestrian numbers, although they looked more impressive when you consider that they came in only 23 minutes a game. Gilder is an athletic but very thin forward, who (like everyone else ont his list) has a bit of a position crisis. He projects best as a small forward, but his shot is not great (only 33% from three point range last year) and he doesn't dribble well. He is best when using his athleticism to flail wildly around the hoop and finish, and he's a decent if inconsistent rebounder. But you can't be an NBA power forward when you weigh less than 200lbs, so Gilder's best served using another season in the Developmental League, and doing what the name suggests it's there for. (That is, to help players develop their game. Not to help them go mental.)

Something tells me that the Grizzlies are looking for forward help. Considering that the spectacularly overrated Rudy Gay is going to need paying at some point in the next twelve months, and the aforementioned problems that they've had with the power forward spot lately, I'm not overly surprised.

- Hamed Haddadi: Haddadi is a project centre who had a weird season last year. He spent some time in the D-League, and sucked, but he also played 19 games in the NBA, and did pretty well in them, averaging 2.5 and 2.5 in only 6 minutes per game, and even managing to boast a PER of 19.7. That's pretty much the most you can do with 6 minutes per game. Haddadi is more foul and turnover prone than you would like to see from a 24 year old, but given that he's gone from Iranian Superleague basketball to the NBA with nothing in between, perhaps that's to be expected. He is under contract for two more years at a salary roughly equal to the 16th pick in the draft, so taper your expectations accordingly.

- Kenny Hasbrouck: Hasbrouck is a late addition to the Grizzlies summer league roster. I watched him play for Siena last year, and while it didn't help that he didn't play well in either game that I saw him in, he also didn't really show anything. Hasbrouck averaged 14.6 points, 3.5 rebounds, 2.8 assists and 2.0 steals, worse numbers than the season before. His percentages were poor, too; 40.7% FG, 34.8% 3pt FG and 65.7% FT, all down from the previous season. Being an undersized 6'3 scoring guard with poor efficiency isn't the way to land an NBA contract. So he's not making the team.

- Longar Longar: Like many of the players on this list, Longar Longar attended a Grizzlies free agent camp (which had a heavy D-League focus) before the draft. Clearly he did something right, because he's back in summer league, hoping to improve on his effort with the Timberwolves last year that saw him average 3 points and 1 rebound per game. Last season was Longar's first as a professional, and he spent it in the D-League with the L.A. D-Fenders, averaging 7.8 points, 6.2 rebounds and 1.4 blocks per game. He didn't turn it over nearly as much as he did at Oklahoma, which is a plus, but nor was he used as much on offense as he was there. It's also about bloody time he cut out the rookie mistakes, because despite his lack of basketball experience, he's also now 26 years old, and the window's going to be shut if he doesn't pull his finger out. It might not ever be open.

- Brion Rush: Rush is a small shooting guard who averaged 25.8 points, 7.0 rebounds and more turnovers than assists in his senior season. That was three years ago. Since then, he's spent a year in the Italian second division and now the last two years in France, where he was second in the league in scoring with a 20.7ppg average. He also averaged 5.1 points and 3.3 assists per game; however, the turnovers were there as ever (3.1 per game), and those 20.7 points per game came on 17.8 shots per game. He managed to shoot only 43% from the field, and shot only 3.3 free throws per game. His problems with making the NBA seem to be the same as Hasbrouck's; he's a undersized scorer with efficiency problems. And even though his resumé is a lot stronger than that of Hasbrouck, he's also even smaller, measuring in at only 6'1. Still, I'm sure France will take him back.

- Donta Smith: Smith was most recently one of the compelling protagonists in the annual Puerto Rican pilgrimage that entices many American players every year, when he signed for Gigantes de Carolina. However, he was kicked off the team after only 8 games for smoking pot, something which I think I mentioned somewhere before. Donta has actually down the full "flatter your stats" world tour this year, playing in both Australia and China before the Puerto Rico gig. In Australia, Smith averaged 15.0 points, 5.2 rebounds and 3.6 assists as the sixth man on the NBL Championship winning team, the Melbourne South Dragons, and in China before that he had averaged 22.5 points, 5.9 rebounds and 4.7 assists for Shanxi. His jumpshot has also made some progress, although he's still not a catch and shoot player, and so he's still gotten back into the NBA. But his offensive talent is all still there.

- Greg Stiemsma: Stiemsma was also a participant in the free agent camp, although God knows why. He spent three years at Wisconsin, never averaging more than 3.5 ppg and 3.1 rpg, before going to the Turkish league. There, he actually did something, averaging 7.9 points, 6.7 rebounds and 1.9 blocks per game (3rd best in the league). He then left and went to the basketball dream land of dreams, South Korea, where he upped those numbers further to 14.3 points, 9.1 rebounds and 2.8 blocks per game. None of that is really impressive, though, when looked at in an NBA context. But here's a picture of him with Alando Tucker and some bit of skirt.


(Note: Stiemsma is the one on the left.

- Hasheem Thabeet: Goodbye, Marc Gasol. You had a pretty good run in Memphis, and you've served well as a much underappreciated part of the infamous trade your brother was in. But apparently that's it for you now. It would be nice to see you in Chicago, by the way.

- Marcus Williams: It's been three biblically crap years for Williams, but at the very least, he finally had a good spell recently. Like Smith, Williams became a Puerto Rican ex-pat last months, but unlike Smith, it went very well for him. Williams was possibly the best player in Puerto Rico, averaging 16.8 points, 9.0 assists and 4.8 rebounds, with two triple doubles in 34 games. On the downside, the 572 points that he scored came on a huge 538 shots - Williams took over 7 three pointers a game, but shot only 31% from there, shot an overall field goal percentage of a poor 36%, and only 69% from the line. He's a passer, but is increasingly forgetful about that.

He has a chance, though. Currently, Memphis's point guard rotation features the underwhelming Mike Conley, the unsuitable Marko Jaric, and starting shooting guard O.J. Mayo. There's room here for at least one or two more, and Williams has a good chance to at least break camp if he plays well. Although if the completely bizarre Allen Iverson signing goes through, he might lose out anyway.

- Sam Young: Sam Young's great, and getting him at 36 is a good pick-up for the Grizzlies. He's a good all around player - a decent athlete, a decent shooter, a decent slasher, a decent defensive player, and he has the Pump Fake Of Doom which will forever make him memorable. He also doesn't pass much, which should help him blend in on the current Grizzlies roster.

(By the way, I would have taken Dejuan Blair.)

Come Back, Baby Come Back

As you might presently yourself fully be aware of, my grammar sucks. Also, you might have noticed that nothing has happened around here lately. Well, it's OK, I'm here.

Thanks to those of you who showed genuine concern as to whether I was maimed, imprisoned, dead, or worse. You're very compassionate, kind-hearted and sincere, traits that will inevitably lead to a joyful existence on the heavenly half of the afterlife. Conversely, fuck off to those of you who showed anger and resentment at my lack of posting and/or site updates, as if I was in some way contractually obliged to do what you want, when you wanted it. May I remind you that this is a free website, with no adverts, greatly superior to every comparable website on the internet (particularly with regards to the colour scheme) run by a man who frankly you should spend a good 90 minutes of every day praising, rejoicing, and fellating. You'll get what you're given, as and when I choose to give it. You hell-destined bar stewards.

The actual answer to the age-old question of "where the hell were you?" is that I was on holiday. I went to the Costa Del Sol, in November, escaping the classic British grey of November time. So you can see why that was more fun than calculating Rob Kurz's salary for the remainder of the season.

Do you want to see my holiday photos? Ch'yeah you do! Here are some of my holiday photos!

The Sun. It was hot. I burnt.

My burn.

A fat woman whose arse seemed to have no seam. (Identity concealed, expertly.)

The mighty Grunkel television that kept us entertained with German versions of Remington Steele and soft core pornography all week long. No, I don't know why all Spanish television is German either.

A dog curling one out.

A dead fish.

Now that I've been sufficiently self-effacing and boring in equal measure, here are my thoughts on stuff, for all those who struggled to go a full week without my aggressive and misguided thoughts on stuff.

1: I didn't initially know who I liked the Denver/Detroit deal for most when it happened, if either. But in the week or so that I've spent lying on beaches not thinking about it, I've decided I like it for both teams. Detroit gets the better player and the best salary in Allen Iverson, which can never be a bad combination, while Denver switches up a core that was never going to work anyway, almost getting under the luxury tax in the process. (After Antonio McDyess's buyout, Denver is now no more than a small dollop over their eternal enemy, the luxury tax threshold. If they waft a pick Memphis's way, they should be able to dump Chucky Atkins, whose salary for next year is only $760,000 guaranteed, thus not affecting Memphis's 2009 cap space plan much. This move gets Denver under the tax, finally, and it need only cost them the pick that they got from Charlotte for Alexis Ajinca to do it. Also note that I'm just an ideas man, not a soothsayer. Houston would be sensible to do much the same with Steve Francis, who is entirely surplus to requirements in both Memphis and Houston, and whose salary is keeping the Rockets in the tax territory. But his expiring is tolerable for the Grizzlies with apt sweeteners. With those two deals, Memphis could gain two picks without changing their long or short term plans, while Houston and Denver save lots of money on players and picks that they don't need. To me, this makes sense. Does that mean it will happen? No. But, between now and February, I'd place a call. Boy, this bracket got a bit long.)

(Oh, by the way - the combined $34 million in expirings that Detroit can now offer up with Iverson and Rasheed Wallace makes that Kwame Brown deal look even worse. Whoops.)

2: I forgot to post my Houston and Phoenix previews before going away. If you want them, send an email. Enclose money.

3: I really can't stand Bob Ortegal. In the years that I've listened to him, I can't remember one single insightful or interesting comment. Now, history tells me that when you question a team's announcing duo, fans of that team will then try to kill you with words and insults, so I expect Dallas fans to now do much the same. But, seriously. Take a step back and reanalyse. He's awful. There's no chemistry, no humour, no insight and you know for a bloody fact that he's never watched a game that he hasn't commentated on. (For example, take Dallas's preseason game versus Chicago. Ortegal admits he's never seen Derrick Rose play before, concludes after two drives that Rose only goes to his left, and then spends the rest of the night finding excuses for every time Rose went right. That's so dumb, I should have said it.) There exists only a dull, repetitive retelling of what the replay he's "analysing" depicts. And any old bastard can do that. I just wanted to vent this.

4: The Bulls suck in a variety of ways, which is a shame. Good luck John. (By the way, last night I dreamt that Paxson unretired and filled the Bulls current backup point guard void, proof if it were needed that I didn't have any fleeting holiday romances. After having seen they signed Lindsey Hunter, I kind of wish it had come true.)

5: In keeping with this website's continued attempts to be better than everybody else, here's next year's free agents.

6: When it happened, I nearly wrote something in this blog about the Pau Gasol trade. In contrast to the opinions of everyone else in the world, I was keeping to leap in and defend the Grizzlies' end of the trade. But I didn't, because I couldn't be bothered. I've rued that laziness for a while, so let me go on the record now, despite it being a bit late since the secret of the awesomeness of Marc Gasol got out: Memphis did all right. When your mandate is to make a salary dump, and you wind up getting the second biggest expiring contract in the league, you're off to a good start. But in addition to that, the Grizzlies got good young talent that people don't acknowledge. As well as Kwame Brown's salary, the Grizzlies got back Javaris Crittenton (good young guard, with emphasis on the "young" - he's still only 20), and the rights to Marc Gasol (a starting calibre NBA centre, whether you knew of this in advance or not). The Grizzlies also two first round picks from the Lakers, one of which has become Darrell Arthur, their 20 year old starting power forward formerly thought to be a high lottery pick. They still have their other pick to come, along with almost double maximum cap room, while taking back not one bad contract or inconsequential player in the deal. That's a good return on a one-time-All-Star power forward, particularly when you only wanted to dump salary.

What we may have witnessed here is a win-win trade, where both teams get what they wanted and improved as a result. This should be the result of every trade, and we shouldn't try to find only one winner to the deal. The Lakers clearly benefitted greatly from the deal, but Memphis won too. Yes, such a conclusion is entirely possible.

There. The balance is redressed. Now take out the bits about Darrell Arthur, and pretend I wrote that in February.

Dude. It's Zach Randolph.

ESPN: Knicks suggest dealing Randolph to Memphis

The Knicks have a trade proposal on the table with the Memphis Grizzlies that would see Darko Milicic and Marko Jaric dealt to New York in exchange for Zach Randolph.

OK, I get it. I do. I really do.

"Here, take Zach Randolph! Take this extremely talented player who just so happens to play at your weakest position! Nooooooo, we don't want anything back! You just take him!"

I get that. When your job is to improve your team, and you are offered a highly talented basketball player for essentially free, it's a tough one to turn down. And Zach Randolph really is highly talented.

But he's also Zach Randolph. And therein lies the problem.

For all of Zach's talents, his play has never been efficient, sensible, or highly profitable. Just by playing him, you lose an untold amount on defense, something which Randolph simply cannot do. And for all his versatility and skill as an offensive player, Zach has never had the sense or awareness to fit into an offense efficiently - Randolph is a career .465 shooter starting his offense from increasingly near the three point line, and with an intense aversion to passing. Bear in mind, this is a man once berated for selfishness by former teammate, Nick Van Exel. And Nick Van Exel knows a thing or two about selfishness.

The problem is exacerbated when looking at Memphis's other big men. Out of Hamed Haddadi, Hakim Warrick, Darrell Arthur, Marc Gasol and Antoine Walker, who represents a good pairing for Zach? Who is the weakside shotblocker to counteract Zach's complete failure in that area? There's a bit there, mainly coming from Gasol, but there's not much. Additionally, if Marc Gasol is to start at centre - and it looks like he has to - then how do you pair him and Randolph on offense? Pairing Randolph with a man who plays within 3 feet of the rim at all times (Eddy Curry) went painfully badly last season, so how much different will it be with Gasol? How does Zach fit?

Take a wider look at the roster, and the same applies. The Memphis roster is a symposium of good young talent and veterans that they're stuck with. In Rudy Gay and Orange Juice Mayonnaise (readers note: that joke wasn't funny, nor mine), the Grizzlies have two talented young scorers, and a roster rounded out with complimentary athleticism, defensive versatility and scoring talent. However, outside shooting remains a concern, and there remains a big hole at power forward. There's also a big rebounding hole on a team that was outrebounded by 2.9 boards a game last year, good for only 25th in the league.

Now Zach Randolph is a power forward all right, and he's constantly armed with a good rebounding rate. But if anyone expects him to come in and be primarily a rebounder, in the role that David Lee refused to fill, then they're either eternally optimistic, or privy to some blackmail that the rest of us aren't. No one has been able to convince Zach Randolph that his future lies in the post for a while now, and a year under the stewardship of Isiah Thomas is not good news for any player who struggles to understand their limitations.

The current reported trade talk sees Memphis giving New York nothing more than Marko Jaric and Darko Milicic. That is something, at least. Milicic is a player who has failed to pan out for three teams, and Marko is someone Memphis didn't want in the first place. The two players combine to earn $35,860,000 over the next three years, and they represent the two worst contracts that the Grizzlies have. (Readers note: Antoine Walker's contract is longer and bigger, but it's also fully unguaranteed beyond this year. And that's why Memphis wanted it in the first place. Same with Greg Buckner, sort of.) The next three years of Zach Randolph will pay him $48 million, and the cap hold for the first two years will be only a minor increase over what Darko and Marko currently take up. The only significant cap hit comes in the 2010/11 season, where Randolph will earn $17,333,333 to Jaric's $7,625,000, with Milicic already expired. But, as the Grizzlies have only 5 players under contract at that time, that isn't relevant of right now. The cost of obtaining Randolph is as low as it can be: two mostly insignificant bench players, who also have the franchise's two largest contracts.

But is that minimal price still too much for Zach Randolph?

It's a high risk move, clearly. But it's only a high reward move if the Zach Randolph of 2006/07 turns up, the one who put up a flawed but sexy 24 points and 10 rebounds a game. The one who wasn't as bad as usual on defense. The one who stayed largely in the post. The one who didn't complain too much. The one who was in the best shape of his life. The one who produced. To make this trade worthwhile, Memphis needs that Randolph back. But even after such a career best season, Portland were willing to trade him for nothing. Portland would rather pay Steve Francis $30 million to not turn up,rather than have even the good version of Randolph back. Warning sirens aplenty. If they get this Zach Randolph back, then they will be trading for the highest paid non-All Star of all time, and making a $48 million investment in a painful player with a painful contract and a temperamental history.

Risky. Too risky.

Will we ever see the better Randolph again? I don't know the answer, and I don't know about this trade. I get it, but......dude.

It's Zach Randolph.

Josh Howard Is Yesterday's News

Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur kicked out of rookie initiation thing for having naughty things about their person.

March Madness heroes Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur were thrown out of the NBA's rookie transition program on Wednesday morning after being caught in their hotel room with marijuana, according to several sources.

"They were sent home for violating program rules," NBA spokesman Brian McIntyre said.

Sources said Chalmers and Arthur, who starred on the Kansas Jayhawks' 2008 NCAA championship team, were also fined $20,000 apiece and will start the regular season on the suspended list.

You couldn't hold off for a few days? Really? How the hell do you get caught at the rookie initiation program, a program in which one of the issues tackled is recreational drugs and their presence in the NBA environment?

Nice.

ShamSports.com - where snap judgements on the morality of people with lives far greater than mine are commonplace.

Incest Is Best (Also titled: Sham's Draft Novel, Pt 2)

Part two! Yay!

(Start at part 1 though, obviously.)

Part 1

---

- Pick 16: The awesomely named Marreese Speights goes to the Sixers. But I missed this pick, too, due to more connection difficulties. Hmmmmm. I should probably move to America if I'm going to take Stu Scott's job. This whole streaming thing isn't getting it done.

- Pick 17 is made by Toronto for Indiana, as a part of the Jermaine O'Neal deal, which is now being reported as "done", even though it isn't. (I'd like to think that Maceo Baston's inclusion was a deal breaker.) The Raptors select Roy Hibbert out of Georgetown, and instantly, a video fires up showing Hibbert performing the oft-celebrated White Guy Run™, uniquely this time on a black guy. This can't be good news, because as we know, black guys rely on athleticism, while white guys are gamers who come home every night with mud on their uniform. So if Hibbert isn't athletic, his life is basically over. But still, at least he's not Undershirt David Harrison.

Of all the people that were invited to sit in the Green Room - a name that seriously needs reviewing, since it's neither green nor a room - only Darrell Arthur remains. ESPN uses the short interval after the Hibbert pick to take the time to focus on Arthur's misery, and to really reinforce his humiliation in front of an international audience of millions. I wish they wouldn't do this.

(Someone I know went to the draft as the personal guest of Adam Silver. They inform me that Doris Burke was genuinely concerned about Arthur, comforting his family off-camera, and waiting until after they had had their "moment" to interview them after he was finally drafted. God bless Doris Burke and all who sail within her.)



- Pick 18: JaVale McGee goes to the Wizards. David Stern announces that McGee is not here. Question: if you were guaranteed to go in the first round, as McGee was, then why WOULDN'T you go to the draft? What could possibly be a better way to spend the time? You get to introduce yourself to an audience of millions in the suit of your choice, shake hands with David Stern, and have a picture of that moment to take away forever. Never again in your life will you suffer from the classic "what picture should I put about the fireplace" quandry that my mum still suffers from to this day. So why wouldn't you do this?

Ric Bucher interjects, and announces a trade. The Blazers and Pacers have agreed to swap Jerry D. Bayless and Brandon Rush, which at least makes sense from a depth chart point. The other elements of the trade slowly come to light over the course of the night, and were eventually announced as being Jarrett Jack and Josh McRoberts going to Indiana, with Ike Diogu going to Portland. Therefore, in terms of the peripherals, Portland got hosed. So Bayless had better be comfortably better than Rush. I'm assured that he is, which is something.

(By the way, I say this about Bayless not due to some unrequited love for Jarrett Jack, but because Diogu is pretty bad. Jeff Van Gundy disagrees, saying that Diogu was "underused" in Indiana, but Van Gundy rates Stephon Marbury, so why should I listen to him? And anyway, Diogu was only underused because he was always bloody injured. This is a part of what makes him crap.)

(Oh wait, I just made the realisation that everyone else had already gotten beyond: Brandon and Kareem Rush are on the same team now! Hooray! Score one more for the family theme permeating every transaction tonight! However, bad times are going to ensue when Kareem realises that his brother just took his roster spot.)

Andy Katz has the unusual (for him) task of re-interviewing Brandon Rush, asking for his views now that he is going to be a Pacer instead. Rush makes it painfully obvious in his interview that he doesn't know the name of the Pacers head coach, Jim O'Brien. Additionally, earlier in the evening, a soundbite captured how new Net Brook Lopez didn't know who Lawrence Frank is. See, this is the problem that I have with my addiction - why do I care more about the NBA than the people in it?

- Pick 19: The Cavaliers pick J.J. Hickson of North Carolina State. I don't know shit about the draftees, but I sense that Darrell Arthur may have been a better pick here, no?

Also, Hickson's draft profile from ESPN offers up the most stunning quote of the night:

"Must Improve: Work Ethic

Would you draft someone about whom this was said? Isn't this a problem that should be found out in due course, rather than known about in advance? It must be a pretty damn bad work ethic for it to be cited as the biggest weakness of a player drafted outside the lottery. Not since the drafting of Ian Mahinmi back in 2005, which gave us the sensational capsule quote "Must Improve: Overall Skills", have we had such a sweeping condemnation of a player. Good stuff.

- Pick 20 was sold by John Denver to Charlotte Church the day before the draft, as the Nuggets continue to cut cost to avoid adding to their already enormous payroll. Yeah, that Reggie Evans contract looks really sensible now. Charlotte uses the pick to take someone called Alexis Ajinca from France, who takes to the stage with great aplomb. You see, JaVale McGee? You see? Ajinca could be bothered to be here. He even crossed the Atlantic for a day. Make an effort, man.

Fran Fraschilla then pisses on Ajinca's chips by stating that he "has not been productive in the French Pro A league", a claim backed up by a caption that shows Ajinca averaged 5.0 points and 5.6 rebounds last year. So seemingly, the burn-a-first-rounder-on-a-completely-undeserving-raw-athletic-Euro trend is not completely beyond us. Makes you wonder why Denver didn't just pick Ajinca themselves.

Ajinca doesn't even get a "Must Improve" draft capsule from ESPN, which has got bad news written all over it.

- Pick 21: The Nets are up again. Jay Bilas takes this opportunity to praise them one final time for picking Brook Lopez at #10 - had Lopez slid any further, we might have seen the most graphic on-air suicide since Christine Chubbuck. The panel praises the Nets for "trying to get better", which seems like a weird thing to praise any team for, particularly one that just traded for Bobby Simmons.

(Seriously? The Bucks got Richard Jefferson for THAT?)

The Nets use the #21 pick to draft Ryan Anderson, who I am reliably informed is this year's Token Jumpshooting White Guy Combo Forward Who Can't Defend Either Position Or Do Anything Other Than Shoot Three's. Or, as I like to call it, the Steve Novak pick. Pat Garrity has a lot to answer to, for he started this trend.

- Pick 22 sees Courtney Lee drafted by the Orlando Magic. This All-Porno Rookie team is really coming together now, so to speak. Brook Lopez, Robin Lopez, Courtney Lee, Kevin Love. Three girls, one guy, and possibly one horse (unlisted). They could make beautiful films together.

By the way, the draft is WAY more fun when you don't know anything about anyone.

- Pick 23: Utah drafts Kosta Koufos, which means that he and Kyrylo Fesenko are now on the same team. Can't be bad.

In keeping with the Ryan Anderson stereotype theme, Sandy Koufas is now this year's Esteban Batista, and if you don't know what the hell I'm on about, look here. But if Koufas can hit a hook shot, as his highlight reel suggests, then he already has a leg up on the competition.

- Pick 24 belongs to the Seattle Supersonics, whose new GM Sam Presti acquires draft picks masterfully, but who then uses them like shit. (See also: Westbrook, Russell, or Green, Jeff.) In only two seasons, Presti had made more than his fair share of picks, and managed to trade away the only one that amounted to anything in Carl Landry, whom Presti stole at #31 last year, before gifting him away to the Rockets for what amounts to nothing more than the #56 pick this year. There must be some added scepticism, then, after Presti takes someone called Serge Ibaka at 24. Still, it's no wonder really - the Sonics didn't pick a tall athletic raw foreign big man last year, after years of spectacular attempts (Johan Petro, Mouhamed Sene, Peter Fehse), so they needed to get back with the programme.

Sorry, I was just looking for a bit of logic in this. Came up empty. Ibaka is the youngest player in the draft, who won't join for at least 2-4 more years, and who, if his highlight video is to be believed, can't score outside of dunking. I don't think this is the second option that Kevin Durant was looking for.

Ibaka's draft capsule highlights that he must improve his "experience", to which Jeff Van Gundy comments "how do you improve your experience?". He has a point, in a way. Stu Scott then tells us that Ibaka has 17 siblings, and then Jeff Van Gundy interviews his brother Stan. It really is very secular today, isn't it?


ESPN livens up the now slightly tepid proceedings with a camera that shows what goes on behind the elaborate facade of the stage. I'd just like to say that I'd really like to be there. Hopefully one day, I will be. Don't know how, though.

Doris Burke asks Darrell Arthur how he's coping with his "emotional issues". Bless her. Caring she may be, but intelligble......maybe not.

- Pick 25: Houston picks Nicolas Batum, who exploded onto the scene late into last season's draft build-up, before dying away to the 25th pick that we now know him as. Fran Franschilla chimes in, saying that Batum has "no escapability" when dribbling, and that he also has "super duper athleticism". He either single-handedly just raised the bar for the other analysts, or drunk it dry.

More is made of Darrell Arthur's plight, as Ric Bucher reveals that teams are passing on Arthur due to an apparent kidney problem that showed up in routine checks. We also learn that Arthur's mum is a truck driver, who gave up her wonderfully satisfying job to travel the country and "support" Arthur. Fair enough, but what's her surname?

Another Wendy Nix interview seems Mike Dan Tony self-satirising his teams lack of defense. That was fun. And suddenly I'm left pondering whether David Stern dyes the sides of his head, or the top.



- Pick 26: Who in the living hell is George Hill? I don't know. But San Antonio just picked him at 26, after spending all morning trying to get rid of the pick. Strange times. No one mentions how many players have previously been drafted out of Hill's college, the fabled IUPUI, so I'll assume it's 0.

George Hill doesn't have a draft capsule on Yahoo Sports. That in itself is a damning slant on quite how unexpected (and perhaps bad) this pick was. Even Serge Ibaka got a Yahoo Sports draft capsule. This has bad news written all over it.

- Pick 27 was originally that of the New Orleans Hornets, but it is announced that the Portland Trail Blazers are buying it off of them. Let us please inaugurate a new addition into the Draft Night Traditions list: the Blazers buying a low first rounder. I bet Dick Vitale goes before this does.

In typical style, they use it to select Darrell Arthur. Figures. Let the record show that the fact that the team with the best young talent in the league is also the team most willing to take risks and get involved in the draft, is in no way a coincidence.

It's at this point that I first notice Darrell Arthur's tash. And now I don't feel bad for him any more. Indeed, more misery wouldn't go amiss. That's a baaaaad moustache right there.

- Perhaps coincidentally, my online stream cuts out at this moment, ne'er to return. As a result, I miss picks 28 (Memphis selects Donte Greene) and 29 (Detroit selects D.J. White, for Seattle). So if something hilarious happened here, and you wanted to see my slightly less hilarious take upon it....then I'm sorry. But these are the cards that I was dealt.

I used this time to draw up a list of things that I need to do tomorrow, as well as to write a note to the person whose house I had just let myself into, explaining my gratitude and extending my sincerest apologies. To-do list available upon request.

- I find a new link just in time for pick 30, and rejoin the action just as Stu Scott is shouting "GET A LIFE!". I don't know who he shouted this at, or why, so write in with details, if they are interesting.

At 30, Boston selects J.R. Giddens, a player who plays with one sock pulled up and one rolled down. Needless to say, I hate him already. Giddens's draft capsule states that he must improve his "professionalism", which, given that he's gone from an amateur to a professional, seems somewhat obvious, but no less troublesome.



This signifies the end of the first round, and thus it's time for Dick Vitale's second airing of the night. This time, Vitale gives quite an interesting speech about the new age limit, and about how wrong it is. It's the first time that I've listened to Vitale without tuning him out within seconds, although if you do tune him out, you will tend to notice just how pointless and grandiose his constant hand movements are. This bugs me. (If you're deaf, the Vitale segments must cause all kinds of confusion.)

It also signifies the lack of first-degree interest towards the draft on my part, and so the entire second round will be bullet pointed, just as the first round should have been.

33rd pick Joey Dorsey apparently "Must Improve: Concentration", which seems like a statement that is impossible to quantify. When teams are sitting in their war rooms, do you think that they are privy to these one line ESPN summaries, and if so, do they factor them into their roster decisions? I hope so. I'd like to know if my player is going to be easily distracted by the arena lights before I draft him. It's sensible management technique.

34th pick Mario Chalmers has had two cousins already play in the NBA - Chris Smith and his namesake Lionel Chalmers. I felt this was worth mentioning, as it is in keeping with our no-outsiders-allowed undertone of the evening.

35th pick DeAndre Jordan has the most impressive DraftExpress weaknesses list that I've ever seen.

• Not productive
• Poor fundamentals
• Extremely limited w/back to the basket
• Lacks strength to hold spot on block
• Mediocre footwork
• Struggles finishing through contact
• Poor passer/Black hole?
• Atrocious free throw shooter
• Not incredibly active
• Defensive awareness
• Pushed around in post
• Not a shot-blocker
• Mental/Physical toughness?
• Maturity/Intangibles
• Long ways away from contributing
• High bust potential

I don't see "jumping" there, so I'll assume he's good at that.

Picks 38 through 40 all apparently need to improve their shooting consistency, the guilty parties being Kyle Weaver, Sonny Weems
and Chris Douglas-Roberts. This becomes something of a theme for the second round, and it rears its ugly head again at pick #43, when Patrick Ewing Jr (hooray! More family ties!) is drafted by Sacramento. It's not who you know in this business, it's who your dad had sex with.

Larry Bird is interview about halfway through round two, looking decidedly pissed off as always. He then refuses to talk about the players he just acquired in trades, as the deals were not "done" yet, and instead lauds the praises of those outgoing. Miserable bastard. Play the game, Larry. Why else did you think they were interviewing you?

The FinallyFast.com adverts annoy me, although it's funny the first time you see it. Because we people talk to themselves like that ALL the time, don't we?

Chris Mullin is valiantly defending his right to a crew cut, but at some point he should just accept that all hope is lost and shave the thing. That time might be right now, in fact.

Someone named Dick Hendrix was drafted at pick 49 by Golden State, hereby completing our rookie porn star starting 5, and also making it decidedly interracial. Giggidy.

Jay Bilas thinks that everyone drafted in the second round is "solid", apart from the white guys, who are "very solid".

Zach Feinstein didn't get drafted. Shame.

The draft night highlight occurs at pick 52, when Dallas selects someone called Shan Foster. Foster, knowing that he might get drafted, apparently recorded a song celebrating this event. This song was then broadcast loud and proud to the dozens of people who were still watching the second round. And, due to the magic of Youtube, we can bring you it again right now.




That's all I have to say about that. Bye.



(P.S: The O.J. Mayo/Kevin Love swap was made after I'd stopped watching, which is why it didn't factor into what I said. Also, re: that trade - people who belittle it for Minnesota need to bear something in mind. If they wanted Love, they could have just taken him at three. However, doing it this way, they managed to also get a quality player in Mike Miller out of it, while giving up nothing of any value. They didn't even make their salary situation any worse, giving out basically the exact same amount of money that they took on. So the trade itself, in terms of the peripherals, was heavily in Minnesota's favour. However, feel free to mercilessly berate their decision that Love was better than Mayo.)

(Heh. Take the capitals out of that last sentence and it adopts a whole new meaning.)


(P.P.S: It has also been brought to my attention that at least two of the jokes used in this draft diary also appeared in that of ESPN writer, Bill Simmons. I assure you that I didn't read his first, and still have not. So fuck him for being more famous than I am, and fuck you for believing that I'd copy jokes from him. Of course I didn't. I only copy them from people you haven't heard of.)