Where Are They Now, 2010; Part 3

Meant to make a great "Hack-A-Shag" joke in the last post, and forgot. Never mind. We'll save it for next year.


- Kenny Anderson

Anderson has not played since the 2005-06 season. His NBA career ended the year before, when he split the 2004/05 season between the Hawks and the Clippers, and after being waived by L.A. in March 2005, a 10 month wait ensued. Anderson then joined legendary Lithuanian team Zalgiris Kaunas for the rest of the season. It was the first and only non-NBA gig of his professional career. Chibbs averaged 2.4 points and 1.6 assists in the Euroleague alongside 5.9 points and 2.8 assists in the Lithuanian league, and then that was the end of his playing career.

In between those last two playing gigs, he was declared bankrupt.

The last time we checked in on Anderson, he had been named the head coach of the CBA's Atlanta Krunk. It was all supposed to be brilliant; for the 2007-08 season, the team hired Anderson as head coach, hired Kenny Smith's brother Vincent as the general manager, signed Grayson Boucher (And-1's "The Professor") and minor league superhero Zach Marbury (Stephon's brother) as a backcourt, announced Freedom Williams of C&C Music Factory fame as the majority owner, brought on Stephon's clothing company to be the team's uniform designers, and started shooting a reality TV show about the team. It was all supposed to be awesome. And then it wasn't. In their only CBA season, the Krunk went 9-41, a loss total which included 9 forfeits. Players were not being paid - at one point, the team was down to as few as five players as everyone kept bailing on them due to the lack of salaries. Their home arena was deemed unsuitable, so they had to play all their games down the stretch of the season on the road, and they also had no uniforms. To say it went a bit tits up sells it a bit short. I'm surprised they saw through the season.

The team was resold to new owners, moved to the PBL for the 2008-09 season, and changed its name and location to the Augusta Groove. They played one more average season, finishing 10-10, but had more financial troubles and folded. Anderson was there only for year one.

After it all went south, Anderson joined a clinic run by the NBA for retired players looking to begin coaching careers. At some point, he was also the coach of a SlamBall team. He is currently studying (not coaching) at St. Thomas's University in Miami, and is hireable for both speaking engagements and running workouts.

Anderson is also a very active Twat (Twitterer). Follow him here.



- Shandon Anderson

Shandon Anderson was covered in the 1996 draft round-up thing that was written back in September. Or rather, he wasn't covered at all, because there was nothing to say. In amongst all the talk about Travis Knight's hair and penis, I wrote this:

The Knicks finally got rid of Shanderson in 2004, over three years after the pointless Ewing trade that brought him in in the first place. Shandon then spent two years with the Heat for no real reason, and managed to win a ring in that time through almost no work of his own. I can't find anything that Shandon has done in the three years hence, but considering all the money he earned in the NBA, he has no real reason to get out of bed these days, so I wouldn't be surprised or disheartened if he just didn't bother.

We can do a little better than that now; in 2007, 11 years after leaving it unfinished, Anderson returned to the University of Georgia to complete his degree. He is now something of an entrepeneur; his foundation, the aptly named Shandon Anderson Foundation, is designed to serve as a mentoring thing for kids, as well as giving out multiple scholarships to impoverished kids in the Georgia area. He also owns a salon and spa facility in Atlanta, as well as a vegetable restaurant and wine bar.

Most importantly, Shanderson is a proud wearer of skirts. And that's a true story. If you don't believe me, here's a picture of Shandon Anderson in a skirt and a flat cap:



This. This is why you come here. God bless you Shandon for your complete lack of fear. I can respect that. And you're right, skirts ARE comfy. They're just a bit weird looking, is all.



- Rashad Anderson

Connecticut guard Rashad Anderson was the second leading scorer in Italy's SerieA last year, averaging 18.2 points per game for Udine. SerieA is the third strongest league in the world, behind only the NBA and the ACB. Yet despite being one of the best scorers in one of the best leagues in the world, Anderson this season finds himself on the bench for a D-League team. Seems like a backwards step, really.

For the Iowa Energy, Anderson is averaging 10.5 points, 3.5 rebounds and 0.6 American assists in 20.3 minutes per game off the bench. The Energy are pretty stacked and have a 10-1 record, but if Anderson came back to the D-League for lesser money thinking it would be the next step to cracking the NBA, then he probably wasn't expecting to be coming off the bench behind Cartier Martin and Pat Carroll.



- Antonio Anderson

Antonio Anderson is also in the D-League. After going undrafted out of Memphis this summer, Anderson went to camp with the Bobcats, but he never really had a chance of making the team. He was then taken 12th in the D-League draft by the Rio Grande Valley Vipers, three places after Rashad was. For the Vipers, Anderson is averaging 41.9 minutes, 17.5 points, 6.9 assists, 4.4 rebounds, 1.3 steals and 0.7 blocks per game, shooting 46% from the floor and 30% from three point range, all while starting at was is essentially the small forward position. (Decide for yourself whether it's him or Garrett Temple that's technically the shooting guard. Can't say it matters much.)

The Vipers are the D-League affiliate of the Houston Rockets, and Rockets big man Joey Dorsey is on assignment there. He's putting up numbers, too. In 29.4 minutes of 10 games, Dorsey is averaging 14.4 points, 13.6 rebounds, 2.1 assists, 1.3 steal and 1.4 blocks per game, shooting 64% from the field. It looks good, doesn't it? But somehow, in only those 29 minutes per game, Dorsey is also averaging 4.0 fouls and a ridiculous 4.0 turnovers. How do you turn it over 4 times a game in 30 minutes when you don't touch the ball on offense very often? How many moving screens can one man set? Baffling times.



- Martynas Andriuskevicius

As I've said about 23 times in the past, Andriuskevicius is somewhat symptomatic of part of the flaw in NBA thinking. Andrew's Cabbages is 7'3 tall and fairly agile for that size; it's that combination that got him drafted and two years of guaranteed money. (It certainly wasn't because of an accomplished skillset or a history of solid production.) But the flaw there is with the 7'3 measurement. It may well be accurate, but Marty is only as tall as he is due to an abnormally long neck. Were it not for that, he'd be only a normal 7 footer, if such a height can ever be considered normal. What advantage is he to gain from having a longer neck than his peers? Not a lot. Maybe he can see the play unfolding slightly better than his matchup can. But if he hasn't the skills to do anything about it, where's the advantage? Measurements can lie, and while they do matter, they can also be blinkered. They're important, but not THAT important. Ask the western conference playoff team currently starting a 6'6 centre how much it's holding them back.

Anyway, that's just a rant, not a circumstances update. As for how he's doing these days, Andriuskevicius is into his third season with Alicante Lucentum in Spain. On the ACB season, he is averaging 8.6 points and 4.1 rebounds, numbers both down from last season. He also averages 2.6 fouls in only 17 minutes per game, in a league where you foul out when you reach 5. But he does have 120 points on only 71 shots, which is pretty fantastic.



- Rafael Araujo

Araujo, whose nickname should really be "Epic Fail", is back in his native Brazil, signed with a team called Paulistano. Put a space in the right place, and that becomes a believable name for a hitman. Brazilian statistics are a bit difficult to find, and it doesn't help that he seems to now exclusively be known as "Baby." But as far as I can tell, he was averaging 13.5 rebounds and 8.7 rebounds per game. (If anyone can read Portuguese, feel free to construct a better translation.) At the very least, here's a recent shot chart of his. He's red number 55.

Araujo was never THAT bad. Below average, yes, and a monumentally bad draft pick at #8. But he has NBA talent, if only as a 12th man. This is about as much balance redressing as I can muster.

He's 29 years old now.



- Robert Archibald

Robert Archibald and his hybrid accent are to be found in the same place that they're always found - Spain. Playing for Unicaja Malaga, Arch is having a pretty bad year, averaging only 5.2 points, 2.9 rebounds and 3.2 fouls per game in the ACB, improving to 8.2 points, 4.2 rebounds and 2.8 fouls per game in the Euroleague. Nevertheless, his team mate there this year is fellow Brit and Aldershot's finest, Joel Freeland; others you will have heard of include Omar Cook, Shammond Williams, Nedzad Sinanovic, Taquan Dean and Gorgeous Giorgos Printezis. And this is why the ACB is the best league outside of the NBA. Even the middle-of-the-road teams are stacked.



- Koko Archibong

Archibong played in the Euroleague last year when he was a member of Polish team, Prokom Sopot. He was pretty shockingly bad in it, though, averaging only 2.8 points, 3.5 rebounds and 3.1 fouls. This year he's moved to Germany and joined the Dusseldorf Giants. (I don't have an umlaut thing on my keyboard, and I'll be damned if I'm bothering to find one in charmap.) On the season, Archibong is averaging 14.1 points and 6.7 rebounds, leading the team in both categories.

In keeping with the unofficial German league rules, Dusseldorf have almost no German players in their rotation. In fact, they have only 1; the backup point guard, Gordon Geib. But they do have a German coach, a man named Achim Kuzcmann. And he has one of the finest moustaches that you will ever see in the basketball world.



That is imperious, messianic, divine, and truly, truly uber. Well played Mr Kuzcmann.



- Darrell Armstrong

Armstrong last played in the 2007-08 season with the Nets, playing in 50 games as a backup. He tried out for the Suns partway through last season, but did not make the team. He is now retired, if not officially, and is an assistant coach with the Mavericks.

He does not have an imperious moustache.

Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 3

Continuing that list of stuff that you like.

- Rafael Araujo is sadly out of basketball right now. He's unsigned. He's unwanted. He's unloved. Commitment-free. Homeless. A nomadic vagabond living off the land and fashioning rudimentary hyperdermic needles using only his opposable thumbs and his chemically-enhanced upper body strength. But this is just one tale to tell. There are thousands of children like this all over BYU. Please. End poverty now. Give generously.

- Robert Archibald is currently playing for Unicaja Malaga in Spain, after turning down a contract from the Hornets this summer. He is still not bald. (I went on holiday to Malaga only recently, and didn't see Robert Archibald there. Shame. I looked hard and everything.) Archibald averages 7.1 point and 4.0 rebounds on a pretty stacked, for those who still care. By the way, while looking this up, I found out about Neil Fingleton, a former UNC and Holy Cross player and one time McDonald's All American. After a brief playing career career in Europe, the ABA and the D-League, Fingleton has since given up playing basketball due to injuries, and is now an aspiring actor. He was also recently awarded the seminal title of UK's Tallest Man, which is good news I suppose. But it begs the question; the previous holder of that record - a man named Christopher Greener - had been dining out on that fame for 40 years. What the hell is he going to do now? Who the hell remembers who comes second? Where's the TV work going to come from? He'll be jobless, he'll be penniless, he'll be a waste of height. He'll be unsigned. He'll be unwanted. He'll be unloved. Commitment-free. Homeless. A nomadic vagabond living off the land. Et cetera.

- Koko Archibong is not a nomadic vagabond living off the land, as he has procured a plum position with the pre-eminent Polish powerhouse, Prokom. (Sorry, I'm really immature today. I tend to binge.) Archibong averages 6.6 points per game, good enough (if that's the right phrasing) for eighth on the team. To find out about some of his team mates, keep reading these posts until we get to the Bu-'s.

- Darrell Armstrong is unsigned, but recently attended the Suns' point guard mini-camp, where he and many other hopefuls vied for Phoenix's compulsory 13th man role. He lost.

- Brandon Armstrong is playing for Budivelnik in the Ukraine. No, me neither. Armstrong hasn't played since November - which may or may not be injury related, I don't know - and averaged only 14.2 minutes and 6.5 points per game when he did.

- Carlos Arroyo signed with Maccabi Tel Aviv this summer, as a part of the mass European migration that wasn't. Arroyo averages 13.7 points, 3.3 rebounds and 4.4 assists, and rumours (perhaps unsubstantiated) abound about a return to the Magic.

- The Bulls gave up two second round picks to move up a mere three spots in this year's second round, which is an extremely committed and kind of bizarre thing to do. They did this it get their hands on the rights to Omer Asik, whom clearly they rate extremely highly. Asik then instantly repaid the Bulls' faith in him by tearing his knee ligament, and he hasn't played all season as a result. Nonetheless, Asik has spent some time in the Bulls' practices this season, clearly eager to get an early taste of their poisonous chemistry and inability to utilise young big men.

- Stacey Augmon jacked it all in (not off) and is now a Denver Nuggets assistant coach.

- James Augustine averages 8.2 points, 5.0 rebounds, 1.2 steals and 1.1 blocks per game for Gran Canaria in Spain. By the way, way back in the boom boom selection days, I asked for information and/or your theories as to how Augustine managed to be re-signed and waived by the Magic in the same July, in an act so weird that I can't think of a single other time that it's happened. I've since gotten that info, and it's no less weird - Orlando tendered Augustine a qualifying offer of $972,581 in an act of fairly standard practice, and Augustine unusually accepted it almost immediately. Of note, though, is the rule with qualifying offers which states that they have to have a level of guarantee that is, at a minimum, identical to the previous season's salary. Augustine's 2007/08 salary called for a minimum salary of $687,456, but with only 25% guaranteed if he was waived on or before the 30th of July 2007. Therefore, the qualifying offer had to have a similar level of guarantee, and so the qualifying offer that Augustine accepted was 25% guaranteed until July 30th 2008. So those three weeks that Augutine spent with the Magic this season, in which he didn't play a single game, cost the tax-tight Magic a significant $243,145, and would have been more if they haven't waived him when they did. A congratulations, therefore, go to Augustine's vigilant agent, who got his client a decent paycheck without him having to actually do anything and still having the opportunity to land a pretty plush European gig as well. Similarly, condolences go to Orlando General Manager, Otis Smith, who in hindsight should never have offered the qualifying offer in the first place. Creative financing at its finest once again.

- The Bulls other unsigned draft pick, Mario Austin, started the season with Besiktas in Turkey, but left without playing a game for reasons that I'm not aware of.

- Finally, and somewhat boringly, Larry Ayuso is still chasing the NBA dream, this time in the D-League with the Iowa Energy. He's doing this by averaging 13.0 points on 40% shooting, shooting more three pointers than two pointers, and with more turnovers than assists. He would appear to be trying to showcase himself as a jumpshooting specialist. It isn't working. But he did get this ESPN article about himself last month, so the D-League might have been the right place for him to go.

Won't somebody PLEASE think of Quinton Ross?

There follows a list of the remaining unsigned NBA free agents, and what they're currently rumoured to be doing about their jobless selves. Most of these players suck, because we're over a month into free agency now. Yet this list may still serve as a useful resource if you're sifting through the remaining chunks of free agency vomit, looking for gold dust and/or your brand new watch, relentlessly apologising for ruining the whole party and vowing never to mix Bourbon and Gaymers again. Maybe.

NOTE - decent free agents from other leagues not listed partly because this is an NBA website, and partly because I can't be bothered.


Point guards:

- Kevin Ollie: Recently annointed a role model for reasons other than just the moustache, that video is possibly the only thing on the internet that suggests that some teams want to sign Ollie. By the way, did you know that that's how he spoke? I didn't. I thought it'd be deeper than that. Ho hum.

- Shaun Livingston: Still not cleared to play basketball. In spite of this, the Clippers have talked to him about re-signing anyway, and Miami and Phoenix both also showed an interest. And why wouldn't they? Take a look down this list at how bad the rest of this free agency point guards list is. If you needed a point guard, wouldn't you rather have the guy whose knee doesn't work, than, say, Smush Parker?

- Sam Cassell: Said he intends to play one more year before becoming an assistant coach. "Expects" to stay with the Celtics, who don't seem to be reciprocating quite as much. Cassell either was or wasn't a judge at a pole dancing competition, depending on whether you believe the Boston Globe or Sam himself.

- Jannero Pargo: Apparently on the cusp of signing with the San Antonio Spurs, which seems like an odd decision. Firstly, they don't have much money to give him, which is the reason why Jannero has opted out of contracts two years in a row. Secondly, the reason that they don't have any money is because they spent it on Roger Mason Jr, and why the HELL would you want to pair Jannero Pargo and Roger Mason Jr? Not sure I get that. Even if you start Mason - an idea fraught with danger - and persevere with bringing Manu Ginobili off of the bench, you still get a load of duplication from those two. So what's the point?

- Darrell Armstrong: His agent says that Armstrong has turned down "multiple" coaching opportunities in favour of one more go-around as a player. (If that makes sense.) Orlando were mildly interested. The Nets....less so.

- Dan Dickau: Is considering signing with one of several European teams. He has to - the money's good, and the NBA offers are sparse. More importantly, Dan Dickau is also to host a celebrity poker tournament, sweetened by the deal-breaking offer of a gift bag. So get famous and sign up.

- Damon Stoudamire: The only team with the slightest reported interest is Phoenix. It doesn't seem surprising that no one's looking at Damon, given how badly he did with the Spurs last year, and also because of the giant salad fork sticking out of his back.

- Jason Williams: My great idea for him to re-sign with Sacramento doesn't seem to be working out, given that they brought back a different old boy instead in Bobby Jackson. Williams has had offers from at least one European team, but he doesn't sound too keen on the idea. Shaq wants him in Phoenix, which doesn't really mean anything.

- Andre Owens: No idea. Nothing.

- Chris Quinn (restricted): Hot shit, apparently. The Timberwolves, Clippers, Hawks, Warriors and Wizards have apparently all expressed an interest, and the Heat still have a qualifying offer out there. Life is good for Chris Quinn, even if he is technically unemployed.

- Lindsey Hunter: Hasn't yet decided it he wants to play one more season. If he does, it'll be with Detroit.

- Blake Ahearn: Says that Minnesota "really likes" him after his performances for their summer league team, but hasn't signed anything yet.




Shooting guards:

- Ben Gordon (restricted): Wants a payday like the one Luol Deng just got, in spite of the fact that he has absolutely no free agency suitors other than the Bulls, and also that he isn't as good as Deng. The Bulls want him back - or at least say that they do - and talks are ongoing. But, in the words of fabled philosopher Tim Baland, it's gone get ugly, if it hasn't done so already. (Note: original lyrics may differ.)

- J.R. Smith (restricted): Denver have said that they will match any offer, but Cleveland are apparently about to test that resolve with a full mid level exception offer. Jesus, people. It's J.R. Smith.

- Michael Finley: His agent Henry Thomas says that Finley has turned down some fairly lucrative European offers in favour of a final turn in the NBA. His agent also claims that several "championship calibre teams" want Finley, which means there's no chance of a return to Dallas. (Ho ho ho, see what I did there?)

- Delonte West (restricted): Cleveland are half-arsedly negotiating with him, while also trying far harder to sign J.R. Smith, and simultaneously bringing in Tarence Kinsey as an insurance policy. That can't make West feel good. Boston were supposedly interested in taking him back, and a well paid European offer is on the table, as it is for basically everybody. In fact, it might make more sense for me to merely say who ISN'T being offered big money from Europe.

- Devin Brown: He's not going back to Cleveland. Dallas, New Orleans, Denver and Atlanta are his suitors.

- Gordan Giricek: Wants to return to Phoenix, the team with whom he enjoyed a decent cameo to end last season, but the Suns won't offer more than the minimum, which Giricek won't take. There's a lucractive European offer on the table - OBVIOUSLY - and also some NBA offers from teams that no one wants to name. They must be embarassed at themselves or osmething.

- Ronald Murray: Cleveland "enquired", and that's all we've got. Is it me, or are the Indiana press totally disinterested in reporting the potential destinations of their free agent guards? We know they're not going back to Indiana, but play the game, at least.

- Kirk Snyder: Minnesota didn't offer him a QO, then acquired Rodney Carney to take his place, and no other teams seem to have showed interest? Why is that? He's not THAT bad.

- Quinton Ross: Renounced by the Clippers, ignored by everyone else. WHY, God? WHY? Kareem Rush gets signed early, yet Quinton Ross can't even find a suitor. Rigoddamndiculous.

- Fred Jones: In keeping with our recent little string of "not all that bad shooting guards getting unfairly overlooked", Fred Jones is unsigned and unloved. Come on now. These players aren't great, or even starters. But they're decent players, being dealt the disservice of being stuck at the NBA deepest position. I demand that they be signed.

- Juan Dixon: Gilbert Arenas wants him back in Washington. That's about it.

- Salim Stoudamire: I want to sign him. I'm the only one, though.

- Derek Anderson: Nothing.

- Von Wafer: Played summer league with the Knicks, but won't make their roster.

- Shannon Brown: Couldn't (or wouldn't) even get a summer league spot. He's gone.

- Casey Jacobsen: Memphis waived Tarence Kinsey for this guy, don't you know? Jacobsen isn't going back to Memphis, and has no NBA interest to fall back on.

- Yakhouba Diawara: For seemingly no reason, Denver is considering re-signing Diawara, despite just replacing him with the superior Dahntay Jones. Well, good for them.

- Eric Piatkowski: In recent weeks, Piatkowski has lit the torch at the 24th Cornhusker State Games (whatever they are), and gotten caught up in some dodgy business. However, there's no news of another NBA contract, despite how much Pike wants it. Nonetheless, in that first link, we are treated to the finest Eric Piatkowski quote of all time:

I refuse to not be successful in everything I do.

Apart from double negative usage classes, you never will not be.

- Mario West: Stayed with Atlanta for summer league, but, without a qualifying offer, it doesn't look too likely that he's going back. No one else has said much.

- Ronald Dupree: Went to Oklahoma City's summer league team wearing Seattle Supersonics coloured shoes, albeit probably not on purpose. Unlikely to return, but the man remains confident.

- DerMarr Johnson: Being arrested for DUI didn't do much to strengthen his position as a fringe NBA player.



Small forwards:

- Andre Iguodala (restricted): Negotiations with the Sixers are still in "limbo", but...come on. He's going back there. Where the hell else is he going? The man will fight for the biggest payday, but we all know that he'll get one eventually. Let's not pretend otherwise. Feel free to berate me mercliessly for writing all this bobbins once Iguodala takes the one year qualifying offer and signs with Portland next summer.

- Bonzi Wells: Surprisingly overlooked. New Orleans would rather bring back Ryan Bowen than Bonzi, which is the worst insult that you can give a man. The 6 year contract from Sacramento that Bonzi turned down two years ago is getting ever more hurtful.

- Devean George: Has "several" suitors, but the Clippers are no longer among them, and Dallas apparently aren't either.

- Dorell Wright (restricted): The Heat are "open" to a sign and trade, but to who? No one seems to have expressed an interest.

- Jeremy Richardson (restricted): You can pretty much pencil him in for the Hawks training camp.

- Louis Amundson: A month ago, it seemed a matter of time before Amundson signed a contract with the Golden State Warriors. But then it didn't happen. And now I don't know what's happening.

- Demetris Nichols (restricted): With no suitors and a qualifying offer out there, he'll almost certainly be going to the Bulls training camp, to battle for a spot with players cheaper than he.

- Awvee "Booooo!" Storey: Had his team option declined by Milwaukee, but played on their summer league team anyway. Didn't play very well. No one else wants him.

- Michael Gelabale: No one seems interested, which is probably due to his bad knee injury more than anything.

- Ryan Bowen: See above. A league in which Ryan Bowem has more suitors than Quinton Ross is a very fucked-up league indeed.

- Ira Newble: Nothing to report.

- Marcus Williams: Renounced by the Clippers, not courted by others.

- Linton Johnson: It would make sense to return to Phoenix for the minimum, but that's just me theorising, and not a breaking news report.

- Kasib Powell (restricted): Played well for the Heat in summer league, and looks destined to at least go to their training camp, if not make the regular season roster.



Power forwards:

- Josh Smith (restricted): Still unsigned, as well you know. But it's hard to imagine Atlanta buggering this one up.

- Carl Landry (restricted): The Rockets are idiots if they don't re-sign him. Given that they're clearing out some salary by dumping Steve Novak, it looks as though they intend to.

- Austin Croshere: Theories abound of a Golden State return, but nothing is certain.

- Paul Davis: The Clippers renounced him, but were talking about re-signing him anyway, until news of the impending Steve Novak trade. So that probably rules Davis out.

- James Augustine: Waived by Orlando. If anyone can explain to me how a man that wasn't under contract was able to be waived, let me know.

- Othella Harrington: The knees don't work any more, so don't expect a return.

- Juwan Howard: Things are looking bleak.

- Andre Brown: Nada.

- Shavlik Randolph: Randolph didn't look too bad in his rookie season but has barely taken the court since. No suitors, as you'd expect.

- Sean Marks: Can you believe that Sean Marks has been in the league for 8 years now? 8 years??? How many games has he played in that time? Can't be more than about 14, surely. Things don't look good for a ninth year, but Phoenix seem to love veteran offensive players on minimum salary contracts, so a third year there is still plausible.

- Pat Garrity: His agent said that he (Pat, not the agent) will probably retire if he doesn't re-sign with Orlando. So he's basically destined to retire.

- Robert Horry: The Spurs don't seem to want to play any more, which leaves Horry dangerously short of options, unless the Celtics need someone to mentor Brian Scalabrine.

- Nick Fazekas: The Clippers eventually retracted his qualifying offer - with his consent - which makes Fazekas a free man. Or, if you look at it another way, a homeless man.



Centres:

- Jake Voskuhl: Doesn't even register. NBA people barely acknjowledge his existence. There is always a rush in September to sign tall "defensive" veteran centres, so Voskuhl may get work then, but any dreams of a contract similar to last year's $3 million one from the Milwaukee Bucks have gone by now. They should never have existed in the first place, really.

- Jamaal Magloire: See Voskuhl, but change it to $4 million. Maybe people are starting to recognise that he hasn't been good for about 4 years.

- P.J. Brown: I have no evidence to back this up, but given that he just won the title, wouldn't this be a good moment to call it quits?

- Dikembe Mutombo: His agent says that he won't play for the minimum, which doesn't bode well for his chances of a return to the cost cutting Rockets. That's OK - they'll still have the best defensive team in the NBA even without him.

- Francisco Elson: Was rumoured to be talking to Denver about a possible return, but the Nuggets signed Chris Andersen instead because he was cheaper. Negotiating with the Clippers.

- Robert Swift (restricted): Oklahoma City seem keen to keep him, as evidenced by the qualifying offer that they gave him, despite how little he has played in two years. Other teams seem more perturbed by Swift's incessant knee problems, perhaps rightly so. Personally, I hope it all works out great for him.

- Michael Doleac: His agent offered Doleac's services to Orlando, but do they really need another sub-par backup big man? Does anyone, in fact?

- Chris Richard (restricted): Kevin McHale makes it sound as though Richard's definitely returning. The cheap price and the lack of suitors seem to confirm this.

- Theo Ratliff: I swear I read somewhere during midseason that he intended to retire after this season, but I can't find it now, so forget that I said anything.

- David Harrison: The Pacers have ruled out re-signing him, leaving Harrison with roughly zero options.

- Earl Barron: The Heat are out of room, and Barron's not 18 years old any more. No suitors.

- Alonzo Mourning: Said "one more season" for about the fifth time, but hasn't signed yet.

- Scot Pollard: Unsigned, and not courted, which probably has something to do with the reconstructive surgery on both ankles. And also the fact that it's Scot Pollard.

- Dwayne Jones: Not expected back with Cleveland, which leaves him shit out of luck. Shame.

- Michael Ruffin: No news is normally good news, unless you're Michael Ruffin and yot're awaiting news from your agent of possible contract offers from NBA teams.

- Didier Ilunga-Mbenga: Might be invited to the Lakers training camp, or he might not. It's going to be inconsequential either way.

- Lorenzen Wright: Considering how bad he was during his two years in Atlanta - when he had 186 points, 253 rebounds and 230 fouls - I'm going to go out on a limb and say that no one will sign him. I've got a crow ready and waiting, but I think he's safe.



It's hard to think that all of that crap was in the NBA last year. Bad times.