Summer league round-up: Boston Celtics

Beginning now, there will be a series of posts detailing the summer league rosters of every NBA team this year. (Those rosters can be found here.) This is because summer league is great fun, and because the lavish descriptions of fringe NBA players gets me off. But you probably knew that already.

Maybe we'll add this to the list of things that get started and never finished. Maybe not. But on that subject, those of you who want the draft roundups finished, don't worry. They will be. It might not be until August, when things get dull again, but they will get done. You'll have your Jamie Feick news soon.

Anyhoo, let's begin this filthy bitch with the Boston Celtics, since the alphabetically superior Atlanta Hawks don't have a summer league team this year.

Their team:

- Nick Fazekas: Fazekas should be in the NBA, really. But he's not. Even though was paid $711,517 by the Mavericks last season, he wasn't on their roster, as they waived him as a concurrent part of the Jason Kidd trade eighteen months ago. This decision would have been instantly forgettable had the Mavericks not had the immortal tat of Devean George, Antoine Wright, Jerry Stackhouse and Shawne Williams on their roster last season, but anyway. Fazekas went to camp with the Nuggets last season, as did pretty much every player in the history of the game, and then spent the year with Oostende in Belgium and ASVEL in France. I'd like to think that the team that has put up with Brian Scalabrine for four years could find a spot for a similar but better player like Fazekas, but it doesn't seem likely.

- J.R. Giddens: Giddens played all of 8 minutes with the Celtics last year. There's no real need for this 24 year old non-contributor to be on the roster of a veteran team with championship aspirations, but his D-League numbers from last year (36 games, 17.2 ppg, 6.3 rpg, 3.0 apg, 1.4 bpg, 58% shooting) suggest that there might be something to pursue there. There'd better be, since they used a first rounder on him. Giddens still doesn't a jumpshot, which still doesn't help him.

- Lester Hudson: Hudson was the Celtics' only pick in the draft, 58th overall, ahead of Chinemelu Elonu and Robert Loggia. He averaged almost 28/8/4 at Tennessee Martin in his sophomore season, and averaged much the same in his freshman season as well. Kind of makes you wonder why he went to such a small program if he's that good. Hudson might make the Celtics roster, but if he doesn't and Gabe Pruitt does, then you'll know what stopped him. Don't need both, really.

- Coby Karl: Karl started last season in the D-League, averaging nearly 19 points and 6 assists for the Idaho Stampede, before leaving partway through the season to sign for DKV Joventut Badalona. He barely played in Badalona, though, and averaged less than 5 points per game. His chances of making the Celtics roster seem slim, considering Giddens is the incumbent with a guaranteed deal. Karl, an ex-Laker, was last heard of when it was reported that he was giving his dad - Nuggets coach George Karl - inside insight to the Lakers' style of play and personal before the Western Conference Finals between the two teams. This news made some Lakers fans irate, annoyed that Karl would show more loyalty than the man that brought him into this world than the team that kept him on the inactive list for a year before waiving his ass for Sun Yue. That was fun to see. NBA fans are great like that.

- Chris Lofton: Lofton went undrafted last season and didn't sign a training camp deal, instead going to Turkey and signing with a team called Mersin (also the home of Eddie Basden). There, he averaged 20.2ppg, 2.6rpg and 2.0apg, shooting almost twice as many three pointers as he did two's. Considering he shot 46.1% from three point range, that doesn't seem like a bad idea. Lofton also managed to break the Turkish league single game scoring record when he scored 61 points, making 17 three pointers in that game. This should tell you how he plays. Lofton had a workout for the Grizzlies back in May, but joined the Celtics summer league instead, despite Eddie House's presence seemingly closing the door on his chances here. Chris Lofton fact: Chris Lofton once had bollock cancer. That is all.

- Bryan Mullins: It was said that Mullins was going to join the Bulls summer league team, but that clearly didn't happen. Mullins averaged 9.3 points, 5.6 assists and 2.0 steals last year for Southern Illinois, which aren't huge numbers in a not-huge conference. He did, however, win all kinds of academic athlete awards, who majored in finance, and who had a 4.0 GPA. So if the basketball thing doesn't work out, he should still be fine for employment.

- Gabe Pruitt: Pruitt played in 47 games last year and shot 31%. The remnants of Stephon Marbury played ahead of him. To call it a tough year would be being pretty kind, especially since he got arrested for DUI somewhere in amongst that. Pruitt was drafted 32nd overall in 2007 (usually a high value position), and has a guaranteed contract for this season, but it wouldn't be a surprise if he was dumped somewhere at some point.

- Kevin Rogers: I watched Rogers quite a bit with Baylor last year (the NIT got a surprising amount of coverage over here), and I never quite figured out what it was that he was good at. He showed a reasonable outside shot, a reasonable inside game, some reasonable rebounding, the occasional nice bit of help on defense...but nothing really standyouty. If anything, he stood out at Baylor primarily because their other options as big men were Quincy Acy (clumsy and about as technically refined as a nail bomb), Josh Lomers (no discernible skills whatsoever other than being huge, white and slow with a tremendously full head of hair) and Mamadou Diene (who had about 3 minutes of stamina on his pokey knees, and the discreet touch of a drunk and horny Captain Hook touching a hedgehog's erogenous zones up while pinned against a piss-stained wheelybin). I came away with the impression that Baylor was a jack of all trades but a master of none. That works in Baylor, but not in Boston.

- Bryce Taylor: Taylor was on the Timberwolves summer league team last year, where I watched him lovingly unfurl a good jumpshot, and an efficient and pretty solid overall game with no outstanding attributes to it. Taylor spent last season with Premiata Montegrenaro in Italy's Serie A, where he averaged 13.0 points, 2.4 rebounds and 1.6 steals a game. On the down side, he also only averaged 0.5 assists in 29 minutes a game, which can't be good, even if assists are far harder to come by in Italy's slightly authoritarian scoring system.

- Mike Sweetney: WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!! Sweetney's back!!! Good times. Since his rookie contract expired as a member of the Bulls in the summer of 2007, Sweetney has not been heard from at all. He literally disappeared off the map. Wasn't even on Facebook or anything. It looked bleak. But a sighting finally came; the Boston Globe reported that he was in the crowd for Bulls/Celtics game 7 back in May, and maybe that was the precursor to this. Hopefully he's found a a way to solve his weight problems, and found what was the cause of them in the first place. I am eagerly awaiting to see what shape he's in (no circle jokes), because if he can stay under 280, he can resume an NBA career.

- Robert Swift: Swift showed some signs of life in his second year in the league. He showed some offensive talent, activity (that old chestnut) and defense mobility, and averaged roughly 6/5/1 as a 20 year old centre. And that's not bad going. Then he grew his hair out, got tatted up, started to get zany in lay-up lines, and severly screwed his knee. There followed only 8 games in two years, as the knee recovery was repeatedly set back and not helped by other injuries. Swift played last year with the Thunder on his qualifying offer, but was still only healthy/good enough to play in 21 games, averaging 3.3 points and 3.4 rebounds. Danny Ainge finally gets his man, but by this point, he's probably not going to see in Swift the very things that used to drive him wild with desire. A year in the D-League to recuperate his injuries and revive his CV wouldn't be a bad idea for Swift, if he can tolerate going from a $3 million+ salary to the mere pittance that D-Leaguers get. But I can't say his career options are particularly expansive.

- Bill Walker: The Celtics would almost anything to not play Walker last year, even after a series of injuries that made the need for an extra forward become of paramount importance. Walker appeared in only 29 games for the Celtics, averaging 7.4 minutes and 3 points. In the D-League, he played in 15 games and averaged 18.9 points, demonstrating a better-than-advertised jumpshot. He's certain to be back next season, as he's signed for three more years and next season's salary is guaranteed. I just hope that they'll value his input more this year.

- Darius Washington: Washington had a great training camp with the Bulls last year, a team who then cut him anyway. Ostensibly, this was to save money for a team very close to the tax threshold, but they went on to sign Lindsey Hunter two weeks later and kept him for the entire year. So I think they just preferred the touch of the older man. (Giggidy.) Washington took the hint and buggered off to Russia, signing for Ural Great Perm, a team whose name is so brilliant that I can't help but point it out every type it crops up. Washington averaged 13.1 points per game in the Russian league, and 16.5 in the EuroChallenge. Like Lofton, Washington worked out for the Grizzlies last month, and yet like Lofton, he came to Boston instead. Maybe they both had crap workouts. Either way, like Lofton, his chances are minimal.

Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 55

Didn't get on the telly. Shame.

- Charlie Ward retired in 2004, and briefly became an assistant coach with the Rockets. However, he left that gig, and has instead found a place and a job that caters to his three biggest passions in life; basketball, American football, and Christianity. Ward is now the head football coach at Westbury Christian School in Houston, Texas, as well as an assistant coach on the basketball team. He also recently quarterbacked again, albeit only for a fun day. Question: if you were to ask Charlie Ward whether he regrets turning down an NFL career for his decent if underwhelming NBA career, what would he say? Genuinely intrigued by that.

- Darius Washington signed with the Bulls for preseason, and played very well in one of the preseason games. He didn't make the cut, though, and nor was he ever going to. Washington then signed with Ural Great Perm in Russia, where he is averaging 13.0 points and 3.6 assists per game in the EuroChallenge, along with 14.6 points, 3.1 rebounds and 3.0 assists per game in the Russian league. Did you know that Darius Washington is now a Macedonian citizen? Fun fact.

- Pistons draft pick Deron Washington is averaging 15.3 points, 6.2 rebounds, 2.0 steals and 1.2 blocks per game for Hapoel Holon in Israel. He recently helped the team to win the Israeli Cup, but is only shooting 23% on the year from three point range. So he still can't shoot.

- Darryl Watkins did not make the cut from the Spurs training camp, and then went to TianJin in China. Everyone loves Chinese numbers, and a post on this subject may well be soon appearing, so until then wrap your lips around this bad boy: 20.8 points, 14.1 rebounds and 3.5 assists.

- Jameel Watkins is also in China, playing for the Jiangsu Nangang Dragons. His numbers are highly comparable to the other Watkins, but slightly worse: Jameel averages 20.7 points, 13.5 rebounds, 4.6 fouls and 2.1 blocks per game.

- Clarence Weatherspoon is not in China, but it would be great if he was.

- Chris Webber now does TV work on both NBA TV and Inside The NBA, and is supposedly writing a book, presumably one about basketball and not metamorphic rock identification or anything. He also just had his jersey number retired by the Sacramento Kings, somewhat needlessly. Fun fact: did you know that Chris Webber released an album back in 1999? You may well have done. But I didn't. Genuinely intrigued by this, too.

- Frederic Weis recently moved from Iurbentia Bilbao to ViveMenorca, both Spanish ACB teams. Weis averaged 2.3 points and 4.4 rebounds in the ACB for Bilbao, and has totalled 6 points and 19 rebounds in the 60 minutes that he has played for Menorca through three games.

- Jiri Welsch is playing for Unicaja Malaga, averaging 7.6 points, 3.4 rebounds and 2.1 assists in the Spanish league, alongside 8.5 points, 2.6 rebounds and an insignificant number of assists in the Euroleague. His stats from previous seasons can be found here, on his personal website, as can a deeply sinister picture of him looking like a recently goosed Frankie Dettori.

- David Wesley was traded as an unguaranteed contract twice in the 2007 offseason, and was waived by New Jersey before the season began. He hasn't signed since, and isn't going to, either. Fun fact: did you know that David Wesley is Michael Dickerson's cousin? No, me neither.

- Finally, you probably already knew that Bonzi Wells signed in China this season, and you probably knew that he has since left. And you probably knew that he stuffed the stat sheet in every plausible way during his time there. But you might not know the specifics, and so I'm here to oblige you with that.

On the season, in only 14 games, Bonzi averaged 42.1 minutes, 34.3 points, 8.9 rebounds, 4.1 assists and 3.8 steals per game. He shot 45% on the year, and 70% from the free throw line, and certainly wasn't waived because he wasn't producing. But a closer look at the numbers reveals a man who miiiiiiight not have been trying that hard. In those 14 games, Bonzi shot 156 three pointers, which for maths fans out there is a shade over 11 attempts per game. This seems like it's too many ('ooh, you think?'), but particularly so for a man who hit them at only 33%, and who hasn't shot the three pointer well since a fluke season in 2001/02. (For comparison's sake, Bonzi shot 50 three pointers combined last season in 73 NBA games for the Rockets and Hornets, hitting 12. And he hit 11 combined the previous two seasons.) Bonzi started out with a bash (giggidy), averaging 47 points through his first four games, shooting a Damon Stoudamire-like 57 threes in that span. But he scored only 3 points in a foul-plagued fifth game, and averaged a far more normal 32.2 ppg after that. The three's continued to go up, though, and with the foul plagued fifth game excluded (in which he shot only three), Bonzi never attempted less than seven 3 pointers in any game. I do not know why.

Bonzi Wells would be in the NBA right now, earning about $8 million, if Geoff Petrie had had his way. Something to consider.

Opening night - Spurs vs Blazers

I intend to have a "Game Of The Week" type thing going, in which I watch a game and write a load of shit about it in a vaguely diary-esque way. Just like the previous Minnesota vs Boston preseason game blog post thing. So here's number 1 - the opening game of opening night, which just so happened to be on TV over here.


- I didn't take many notes for the opening of the first quarter, because I couldn't be bothered. I was first spurred (ooh, look at that pun) into note-taking action after Matt Bonner made a tough pump fake layup. These are the things that get me going. That, and eating chips.

- Darius Washington making the Spurs roster (and the rotation for now) is a good story that bodes well for many wannabe's out there. Washington, a very talented player, was undrafted out of college, mainly because he didn't "get it". He spent a year in Europe, where he "got it", and is now playing meaningful minutes on the closest thing to a dynasty that this decade has brought us. It's a nice story. But Darius undermines any plaudits that may be sent his way by sporting the completely unnecessary shaven-head-full-beard look. Only once in the history of human life has that looked ever truly worked, and that was when it was rocked by James L. Avery, who played the part of Philip Banks in the Fresh Prince Of Bel Air. Darius Washington is not Philip Banks. It's not even close. I don't so much suggest change here as I do demand it. Sort it out, D-Wash. Then I'll learn to like you.

- It's about as small of a sample size as is possible, but in the first quarter, it didn't take long to become apparent that when Steve Blake was in the game, Brandon Roy never got to touch the ball. I thought that we were to believe that the main reason for the Zach Randolph trade was to get more touches for Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge (amongst other things), and to make Bill Simmons's Ewing Theory completely redoubtable. Yet now they're playing keep-away from Roy. Eh? That's it, those first three minutes of the season have completely undermined the trade for me. (There is the Bruce Bowen factor to consider, but more on this later.)

- Joel Przybilla - who is my homeboy whether he knows this or not - goes up strong for a dunk off a broken play. Mike Fratello, commentating, congratulates Joel for going up strong in this way, and for not trying to make a finesse play. Personally, I think Joel Przybilla's finesse plays are the most entertaining of all. But again, more on this later.

- Marv Albert, also commentating, greets a James Jones rebound with the phrase "and the Pacers invasion continues!". Errr, who else are you referring to? Reggie Miller? Didn't understand this bit.

- Travis Outlaw comes into the game, and instantly shows the better offensive understanding that was the key to his breakout season last season. He doesn't flit about awkwardly any more, getting in the way. He gets the ball in good positions, gets into better ones, and takes his kind of shots. It's a good thing. Maybe you can learn basketball IQ, if only slightly. Joey Graham, take note.

- Almost all commentaries on the Spurs, professionally or otherwise, seem to involve the wild overrating of Spurs point guard Tony Parker. And in addition to that, everyone seems to wildly underrate Manu Ginobili. Even his coach seems to do so, playing him considerably less minutes than his peers. Maybe Michael Finley needs his unfair share of shots, or else he quits or something, I don't know. But either way, Ginobili has to be regarded as one of the most skilled guards in the game. Do you take him over his comparative rivals such as Ray Allen, Michael Redd or Joe Johnson? You probably wouldn't, but you should. And it seems strange. There's very little Ginobili can't do, but it goes largely unheralded. I guess there really is a starters bias in this league after all.

- A Portland substitution brings Sergio Rodriguez in to play at guard slongside Steve Blake. This should be a fun pairing, on both ends.

- Sure enough, almost immediately, a San Antonio miss leads to Rodriguez hurrying the ball up way too quickly, almost losing the dribble twice against mild pressure, then throwing an insanely difficult cross skip pass to Blake, who takes a three pointer in a 2 on 5 situation and makes it. Good fun. Ill-advised, but good fun. I also look forward to watching Steve Blake defend Manu Ginobili today.

- Speaking of Steve Blake, have you ever worked with a gormless white guy with a sagging lower jaw and a look of general apathy across his face at all times? I have. About 35 of them, at various times in my life. And they all look like Steve Blake.

- Rodriguez makes another crazily hurried play, seemingly playing to an 8 second shot clock when everyone else is using the usual 24. This time it is less successful, and results in a turnover. He should go to the D-League this uear, you know.

- Travis Outlaw's mid range game continues to impress. He could use a few more feet of range, but as a defender, you have to respect his ridiculously good athleticism and play off of him. Outlaw has learnt how to use that to his advantage, creating spacing off the dribble for open jumpshots. And these days he hits them, too. I really like the fella. I'd like to buy him dinner.

- Matt Bonner is growing his hair out a bit. Good.

- OK, I've missed a news story here - Robert Horry isn't playing today due to a "leave of absence to attend undisclosed family matters".......yet he's sitting behind the bench? I don't get that. Doesn't really seem like a leave of absence there. They could just credit him with a DNP-CD if that's what it's about, I'm sure he won't be ashamed. Or did the Yahoo! Spors boxscore incident of last year make them invent a cover story for his non-appearance in this game? Someone answer this.

- Outlaw, creating spacing for the jumpshot once again, hits a beautiful step back from about 20 feet. Epicness.

- Darius Washington is called for palming the ball on a fast break. The camera pans to Washington walking away in disgust. Washington emphatically mouths the word "fuck". That was fun. But he still needs to shave it off. As do I.

- It's the end of the first quarter now, and Five - the TV channel that did the aforementioned Minnesota vs Boston preseason game coverage - is doing a 7 minute long feature briefly recapping that game. Ironically, Ricky Davis and Juwan Howard are getting a good 95% of the Timberwolves highlights from that game, now both departed. And it was Howard who did the crowd introduction to that game, as the Timberwolves's spokesperson of sorts. Strange times, Either way, Five is including clips of all the courtside interviews they did in that game (see earlier blog entry for explanation of that reference), and it's annoying me once again. So let's move on.

- At the end of the above feature, there's a small snippet of Ray Allen's press conference after that game, in which he describes the Mexican Wave that took place during the game, and said "this is the NBA right here". Well, no, it's not. But that's a shame. It should be. Cut out the pointless music and "rousing" crowd chants, and let them make their own entertainment. They may pay more attention to the game if you let that happen, and might have a better time as a result. Just me thinking outloud here.

- Finally, at the end of that feature, Kevin Garnett mentions how he "didn't want to be singled out" during that game, as the 'big name'. Well, that was sort of inevitable Kevin, given that you're the only person anyone here has ever heard of. Also, you go by the nickname "Big Ticket", so don't front like you don't enjoy it.

- Brent Barry is a truly lovable legend, and I'm totally enjoying this career second wind he's been enjoying over the last 18 months or so. Tonight, he's running the point, taking his usual nonchalant three pointers, and just generally being great. This man isn't done yet. Who dislikes Brent Barry? Surely it's nobody? Chicago fans might disagree after his "can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit" comments from several years ago, but I'm a Chicago fan and I couldn't give a stuff. He was right, after all.

- Hang on, who is that Blazers player with absolutely enormous locks? By process of elimination it has to be Taurean Green or Josh McRoberts, but last I saw of them, one was sorta bald and one was whiter than white. So who was it? I need an answer on that.

- Outlaw shoots an airball. Maybe I should cut down on the earlier rhetoric.

- Ginobili goes behind the back again, this time for a pass. He's gone behind the back for either a dribble or a pass about 6 times already tonight, and it's been effective every time. Michael Redd couldn't do that. Nope.

- On the next trip down, Ginobili hits a step back jumpshot. So now he can also match Michael Redd's strengths, too. I'm not sure why I've lapsed into pushing this Ginobili vs Redd comparison here, but never mind.

- A Blazers guard finds Travis Outlaw for a reverse alleyoop. Travis did one of those barely-makes-an-effort dunks of his. He's got to be the best leaper in the game. Got to be. Even Tyrus Thomas would agree.

- And, on the very next trip down, Outlaw catches a pass that was intended for a team mate but he got in the way, then rushes trying to pass it on to them and throws it away. So I guess he hasn't completely gotten rid of his Joey Grahamness yet.

- You know that rule which says that the possession arrow changes when the ball hits a shot clock? Why is that? It's just a natural carom, these things happen. It hardly toys with the purity of the game.

- Someone please get Brandon Roy some bloody touches. Using him as a decoy and letting Przybilla handle the majority of the offense is a nice plan, but you're 39-32 down. So let your best player start doing some stuff now.

- San Antonio's offense is so perfectly synchronised, and this is only opening night. Admittedly Portland's shabby defense is making it easier for them (especially on the interior, where LaMarcus Aldridge isn't even trying on defense today), but it just goes to show what, good coaching, good veterans and a whole load of team continuity can provide. Particularly the last one.

- Portland is pushing the ball a lot tonight, and often with more effectivenevess that Sergio Rodriguez brought them earlier. It's good to see. They should do this all the time. with all the insane athleticism their roster provides.

- As much as I love Joel Przybilla (and that's a lot, as you'll soon see), I wonder how much Portland right now is regretting giving him that big of a contract. Whenever people wax lyrical about Kevin Pritchard's moves, they need ot bear this one in mind too. It was a bit overzealous. (Actually, screw it, we'll blame John Nash. He was still technically in charge at the time, even if the pro-Pritchard faction will happily tell you about how much Pritchard was in control last summer.)

- The score is 49-37 in favour of San Antonio after only 18 minutes of play, largely because of Portland's lack of getting back on defense. Apparently their desire to get out and run only applies to one end.

- A Five caption during a timeout flashes up the Spurs offseason movement thusly: "Added - Vassilis Spanoulis and Tiago Splitter". God damn it. I need a consultancy job or something. I'll do it for free if you must.

- To add to that, the immortal Andre Alleyne (again, see the previous blog post) decides to offer his insight into San Antonio's offseason. Quite clearly making it up on the spot based on what he can read off of the graphic, Alleyne offers up the insightful comment that is "Luis Scola really didn't play much [for San Antonio] last year". Thank you Andre. Actually, fuck the consultancy job, I'll take in-studio analyst, thanks.

- After a timeout, Brandon Roy brings the ball up for the first time all night, as Nate McMillan looks to have imposed a team wide mandate to actually let him touch the bloody ball. Within three seconds, Roy throws the ball away when facing a simple bit of pressure defense. Hmmmm. Way to support my theory there Brandon.

- I've written the phrase "Duncan not declined" in my notes at this point, and I have no idea what I meant by that. I'm not sure if that's what I even wrote, my handwriting is that bad. But, speaking of my notes, here's an accompanying picture that I drew of Manu Ginobili to pass the time:


I'm not sure why he's wearing the number 21, or why he's squinting so much. But there it is. Incidentally, for A-Level Art, you had to get 200 marks out of 600 for the minimum possible pass, and I got 201. I think it shows.

- LaMarcus Aldridge is doing a pretty good impression of Tim Duncan tonight on offense, hitting face-up jumpshots, hook shots, posting up pretty frequently and popping open for baseline looks (OK, so that bit's not particularly Duncan like, but you get the idea). It's a shame that he's so completely absent on the other end tonight. It's uncharacteristic, and a bit lame.

- Brandon Roy commits a turnover on a post up play. He's definitely a big net negative so far.

- In a discussion amongst the commentators concerning Tim Duncan's 2 year and $40 million extension announced that morning, Fratello and Reggie harp on lyrically about Tim Duncan's selflessness, his desire to "put the team first", and how gallant it was of him to"leave so much money on the table". They neglect to mention that only one player - Kevin Garnett - is earning more than $20 million this season. Still, it's nice to be nice, eh?

- Oh wait, I get it now! What I meant by "Duncan not declined" is that Tim Duncan's game hasn't declined any since his "hey day" of about 5 years ago. There, there's some incisive follow up commentary for you.

- Martell Webster hits an Outlaw-esque step back jumpshot, which would have been just that much more awesome if Portland wasn't down 16 at the time. Still, this boy also looks to have come a long way from his previous awkward and limited self, and maybe Portland's wildly overblown small forward 'problem' has resolved itself between those two. Darius Miles, you can continue to stay away from the team for as long as you like.

- You know, in spite of Portland being down 16, this doesn't feel like a blowout, nor nearly as one sided as the scoreline suggests. Portland's playing very well, apart from Brandon Roy. It's just that San Antonio is that much better, firing on all cylinders straight off the bat. Hey, back to back shitty cliches! Bonus point for that.

- Mano Ginobili's bald spot is coming along something fierce. I have to include that in any future Ginobili drawings.

- JOEL PRZBYILLA HITS A STEP BACK JUMPSHOT!! How about that! That was awesome. However, it angered me slightly, in that Marv Albert's commentary barely acknowledged it, as he was busy talking about something uninteresting such as Kobe Bryant trade rumours or something. The tosser. Give the people what they want - overzealous ramblings about Joel Przybilla's fleeting moments of genius. It's for the good of the game. (Joel has 8 points now, for those keeping score at home. Which I assume to be all of you.)

- I've concluded that Brandon Roy's current 0-4 with multiple turnovers performance is largely due to the constant harassment bequeathed to him by Bruce Bowen tonight. You can say what you like about Bruce, and you can make it bad. But there's one constant - he really is quite good at ruining other player's entire evenings.

- On the other end, Roy takes a charge from Manu Ginobili, thus successfuly becoming the first Portland defender all night to realise that Manu is always going to go left, since he's left handed and that. Roy then turns it over on the ensuing possession. He's still really not cooking tonight, whatever that metaphor means.

- Three times in the span of a few minutes, the camera cuts to a shot of a man in the crowd talking on his phone. If it's a famous person, then I don't know who it is, and neither does the commentary team as they let it pass without ever explaining who it was. Strange exchange. Maybe they should just stick to the "randomly film beautiful women in the crowd" mainstay of all sports programming. Man, do I want that job.

- At half time (yes, we're only half way through), Cheryl Miller interviews Tony Parker (who, I've just noticed, has a nose that could double as a ski jump for a headlice). The interview is typically pointless, but ends with a very awkward pair of parting gestures - Miller touches Parker's breast, who responds with a slow but graceful rub of her arse on his way down the tunnel (so to speak). Very sexual moment there. Eva Longoria will now probably kill Cheryl Miller.

- I didn't catch much of the half time show, for I go and eat some breakfast cereal instead, only to spend much of my time clearing up a fresh dog shit. I do see, though, that Five is running on of their obligatory Luol Deng segments, as they do during every broadcast that they ever make. Tonight, it takes the form of an interview with the man himself, in which such unimportant matters as Luol's favourite films are discussed. In it, Luol utters the quote "some of us [Bulls players] will improve in the post", when asked to counter the quesiton of whether the Bulls could win the Eastern Conference without a post scorer (oooh, that old chestnut). I was trying to think of a snide comment to the effect of "yes, well, that had better be you, then", but I couldn't, for I was overhwlemed by how much Deng resemslbes Dikembe Mutombo from the side-on. It was bizarre. They look related. Given how much sexing Mutombo has done in the past - allegedly - as well as the distinct age gap, maybe Mutombo is his father. Wouldn't be too far fetched, would it? (Apologies to Luol's real father, just thinking outloud. Not trying to slander.)

- Also, for those who love to harp on about the English-have-shit-teeth stereotype, take a look at Luol Deng's gnashers. Perfectly clean, perfectly straight. Tell 'em Luol, that's how we roll over here. Fuck tha haterz. Bow wow! (Um, what am I saying.)

- Deng is also wearing the number 70 on a non-descript basketball jersey for some reason, and his biceps look noticably bigger than ever before. I discipline myself internally for even making that worryingly homoerotic observation. But then, isn't all NBA basketball just a massive gay fest anyway? We talk about penetration all the time, ball movement, length and muscle, etc......it's all gay anyway. Insert your own John Amaechi or Tim Hardaway reference.

- There's not been a single advert break during this game so far. I appreciate that this is an alien concept to my American and Oriental readers, but it's definitely one worth pursuing. It makes the whole thing far more watchable. So well done Five, for a change.

- Starting the second half not, and Brandon Roy is dominating the ball, making a shitload of passes, most of which fall into the "good" category. He doesn't get many assists (he ends the game with only 6), but he facilitates the entire offense with ease, and could have had a good many more if they did half-points like in ice hockey. It's worth noting if only to reinforce the idea that you can help your team even when your own scoring output is letting you down.

- Joel Przybilla is now 4 for 4 from the free throw line tonight, after going 10 for 27 from there all of last season. Additionally, his free throw stroke is actually looking good, apart from the unnecessary way he holds it outside of his body before going up. He has 10 points on the night thus far - is it a more damning indictment on me or Joel that this fact made me feel compelled to look and see if this was a career high for him? (It wasn't, by the way.)

- On the very next possession, Portland runs a post up for Przybilla, which makes me as happy as you'd expect. Joel ends up shooting a lefty sky hook, that very nearly goes in. It's probably best that it didn't, or I might have strained something in my subsequent celebrations.

- And on the possession after that, Ghostface Przybilla commits an offensive foul while setting a screen. Heh. Sham, meet the Earth.

- Brandon Roy isolates Tim Duncan on a switch, and finally takes a shot, a fallaway over him. He makes it, and finally gets on the scoreboard. Although why he didn't drive I'll never know. He has on all other possessions.

- Maurice Lucas = Cleveland Brown from Family Guy?

- On another isolation, Brandon Roy again isolates on the wing, again drives to the rim, and again spurns a layup for a handoff. But it's OK, because he fed Przybilla under the rim, who drew two foul shots that he split. He continues to bear down on that 20 point barrier, elusive so far in his career. Give the man shots dammit.

- Reggie Miller quote: "I never like to see big men taking charges". Youc an probably see where my follow-up comment is going to be here.

- LaMarcus Aldridge has been stlyin' all over the Spurs defense all day, and it's somewhat because of the fact that Fabricio Oberto and Francisco Elson have been defending him all night. If you ever wanted to know why it is that Tim Duncan has never won a Defensive Player Of The Year award.......this is why. Although it doesn;t explain why Joel Przybilla is going off quite as much as he is.

- When Duncan does that thing where he catches the ball from about 18 feet out and then fakes to drive before waiting two seconds and putting up a jumpshot, have you EVER seen him fake the drive and then actually go to the rim afterwards? I haven't. Not in 10 years. So if he fakes, he's taking a jumpshot. So let him fake, then get closer. Trust me on this one, defenders.

- Przybilla makes a tip dunk. Best day ever, for both me and him. But mainly me.

- Francisco Elson drives down a wide open Portland painted area, goes up for the power dunk, and back rims it. On the ensuring fastbreak, Aldridge goes for the same dunk, and makes it. No asanine comment is needed from me here. There never is when someone misses an open dunk. They know what they did.

- Andre Alleyne quote: "No one on the Spurs is a superstar". Right. I'm going to write that down, actually. It's worth knowing.

- Wow, it's actually a 3 point game after that Webster three pointer. I hadn't noticted. Go Portland!

- Right on cue, Barry doubles the margin with a three pointer. I reinstate my earlier Brent Barry comments, particularly the ones about him being a ledge.

- Brandon Roy has started to take over for Portland despite having scored only 5 total points. He is collapsing the Spurs defense singlehandedly and making players like Aldridge and Webster look terrific, given them open shot after open shot. I'll say this for the record - Brandon Roy is really good. Even in a bad game for him such as this one.

- At the start of th e fourth quarter, during another Kobe Bryant discussion, Reggie Miller advocates Chicago gutting their team to acquire Kobe with the justification that it will "put people in the seats". Just so's you know, Reggie has a history of not liking the Chicago Bulls, which apparently continues to this day.

- Martell Webster = Most Improved Player candidate. Book it.

- After a Ginobili dunk, Reggie screams the phrase "OUTTA THEIR SEATS!!" twice, back to back. He is sooooooooooo bad at commentating. I think this needs saying.

- Despite only having a decent stat line, Ginobili is showing the full repetoire tonight. He's dishing, shooting, making hook shots, dunking, rebounding, and looking vaguely interested in defense, combining both flair with controlled aggression, and just generally being sublime. I'm a fan of his, in case you couldn't tell.

- Hey LaMarcus: you're a great all-around offensive talent, but you've really got to draw more free throws. It's good that you're playing inside more, and you an definitely finish in there. But you have to sell the fakes more. It'll do wonders for you and your teams scoring efficiency. Oh, and please give a shit about rebounding again. Oh, and please try a bit harder to do something about San Antonio's huge points in the paint total tonight. Aldridge is unusually dismal on all aspects of defense tonight.

- This has been, by all accounts (other than this one), a fast paced and highly entertaining game. I figured that I should mention this having offered up very little in terms of chronologically correct game analysis so far. Just so that you know, we've nearly finished. And San Antonio is still winning.

- Steve Blake isolates Matt Bonner, and then doe snothing with it, shooting and missing a three pointer. Immediately after this, Tony Parker schools Blake on defense for about the 17th time tonight, getting to the rim completely unchallenged by Steve, who can't seem to stop being turned around. Not a fair matchup here.

- In case I haven't shown enough Webste rlove yet, I'd just like to say that his jumpshot is pure sex. That is all.

- Matt Bonner makes another tough completely uncharacteristic layup, and we've come full circle. The game isn't over, and Portland is still within 8 points which is inot insurmountable. But San Antonio doesn't look threatened, and nor should they. Offensively, they've gotten whatever they've wanted basically all night. And that's not changing any time soon.

- Joel Przybilla makes a dribble handoff to Martell Webster, who takes and makes another jumpshot. Some would say that Przybilla is a bad offensive player, but I would prefer to use the term "untapped". It's wrong, but I'd prefer to use it anyway.

- Steve Blake's defense tonight has involved looking around aimlessly, completely lost, coming both when he's guarding a player with the ball or when trying to find his man off the ball. It's, um, a bit embarassing.

- Aldridge finishes up the night with 27 points and the focus of the boxscores from Portland's perspective, but it's worth highlighting once again quite how much of his offense came as a result of good team offensive execution (to use a Steve Kerr-ism). That's not a bad thing, just a bit of context. He's an extremely accomplished finisher already, though. Be excited.

- Final score, 102-95 San Antonio. San An put on an offensive clinic tonight, looking in championship form almost immediately with very little rust to burn off. But Portland hung with them despite being a more disjointed unit, which is a tribute to just how much talent they have right now. Two fun teams playing high calibre basketball. A good opener for the season for a league reeling from an intesnely bad/weird offseason.



I'm going to enjoy both of these teams this year. Enjoy them with me, right here, on Five. (Sorry, just practicing for when I get Alleyne's job. It's going to happen Believe dat.)