Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 34

If you are reading this, thank you for your continued patience as we continue to work to fix whatever the hell the issue with this website currently is. We know that you have a choice of NBA websites, and that such choice includes websites far more functional than this one, even if they are inferior in all other ways. And for your continued loyalty to us through these difficult teams, we thank you. Keep hitting that refresh, and together we can conquer poverty.

If you aren't reading this, piss off, you're nothing to me, and I don't need you anyway. I have these other people. They're better than you. Leave me alone. (Wait, I guess you already are. Hmph.)

Stuff:

- Chris McCray is playing in Italy for a division two team called Rimini Crabs, which sounds like the most painful affliction that a man can have. McCray averages a rather unimpressive 13.8 points and 4.1 rebounds against this underwhelming calibre of opposition.

- Taj McCullough is in the D-League, and started the year with the Erie BayHawks. He barely played there, averaging 6.5 points and 1.9 rebounds in 8 games before being waived in late December, T-Mac was later picked up by the Fort Wayne Mad Ants, for whom he averages a far better 15.6 points and 4.6 rebounds, while hacking up 5 and a half three pointers per game. That might not be the best idea.

- Cornelius "Scooter" McFadgon recently left his team in Chile to sign with Barako Bull (they're missing a real trick if they don't start marketing thundersticks as "Barmers") in the Philippines.

- Ivan McFarlin is exactly where you'd expect him to be; Switzerland. Playing for whoever the hell Sdent BBC Nyon are, McFarlin averages 15.1 points and 9.0 rebounds alongside such luminaries as Baptiste Cransac and Stephen Sir. Remember those names.

- It is hard to find Jeff McInnis news, considering that there is a reality TV chef of the same name who seems to be far more newsworthy. (I've never heard of him, but you can understand why headlines like this one get my attention.) I can assure you, though, that Jeff McInnis is not signed anywhere. And he may never be.

- Nor will Aaron McKie, whose retirement seems for certain this time, as no one can randomly sign and trade him any more. McKie was inevitably waived by the Grizzlies, and later reprised the role as an informal Sixers assistant coach that he was so rudely stolen away from at about this time last year. By the way, he received probation in his gun possession case thing, and that reminds me: please use the criminal issues page thing, found in both the previous link and every single player profile on this site. I spent bloody months at that thing, and no one seems to look at it. I am saddened by this.

- Keith McLeod is with International Rescue, from whom all players will be adorned the surname "Tracy". This is because I want my already tenuous and unfunny joke to really ignite worldwide. McLeod - sorry; Tracy averages 14.0 points, 3.4 rebounds and 4.8 assists per game, shooting a sizzling 27% from three point range.

- Gerry McNamara went unsigned for a while after failing to make the Jazz roster, and then popped up in the D-League with the Reno Bighorns. (Giggidy, et cetera. Maybe one day I'll stop saying giggidy. Maybe not.) McNamara averages 6.8 points and 3.3 assists on slightly disconcerting 38% shooting, backing up whoever the hell starting point guard Majic Dorsey is.

- Antonio Meeking is also on that same team, and he leads the team with an 18.3 points per game average. He's also second in boards with an 8.2 rpg average, yet for some reason he's started taking more three pointers. It's not really working out, as he is 22-72 on the year, for a sub-par 31% average.

- Stanislav Medvedenko hasn't played in a non-NBA professional game since the year 2000. Considering that he's not in the NBA any more, hasn't technically been in it for two years, and hasn't really been for about four years, you can conclude that his career has reached a slight incline.

- Finally, Sammy Mejia is still with his Greek team that I made that bad opticians joke about, AEK 1964. It's a joke so bad that you have to research it to even understand it. And that just further ruins its already dangerously unfunny nature. Mejia averages 14.7 points, 3.5 rebounds and 1.9 assists per game, with the points per game being enough for 8th best in the Greek league. It's only good for second on his team, though, as former Notre Dame big man Torin Francis leads the team (and is second in the league) with a 17.4ppg average, far in advance of anything that he has ever done before. But AEK are currently in last place in the Greek league anyway.

Summer signings, round 15

- Chris McCray signed with Rimini in Italy, a town whose very name made it destined for basketball greatness (and thus, by proxy, destined for Chris McCray). While we're on the subject of people named McCray, I'd like to extend an RIP to Colin McRae. And Steve Fossett. And Glenn Miller. And Matthew Harding. And Bernie Mac. And Mother Teresa. And basically anybody who has ever died. Except for maybe Fred West. And Hitler. And Judas. And Saddam Hussein. And Mutsuo Toi. I'll stop this now before you find a less preachy blog to read instead.

- Andre Emmett and JamesOn Curry are both reportedly negotiating with Hapoel Jerusalem. I know that this blog is about "signings" and not negotations, since a whole lot more negotiating goes on than signing. But, sod it. I'm a maverick. I don't play by the rules. Not even the arbitrary ones that I created in the first place. (Kevinn Pinkney was also supposed to be talking to Hapoel, despite a previous blog post relaying the news that he'd signed for an Italian team. However, now another report has come out saying that he's signed with a third team, also in Italy, called Cantu. The lesson, as ever: screw Danny Ainge.)

- Eugene Jeter signed with Vive Menorca of Spain (specifically, the island of Menorca), much to the chagrin of at least one Minnesota Timberwolves fan who thought that Jeter could be the answer to their team's "oh Jesus, someone has to pass the ball?" problem. Since the drafting of Derrick Rose, Eugene Jeter is no longer the best professional point guard in the world with the nickname "Pooh", so the question has to be asked as to why we should still care about him. (Poor old Pooh Richardson is now down to third place, despite his basketball career being far more successful than that of Pooh Jeter's to date. These rankings might not be official, or accurate. Also, if anyone wants to conduct a study as to why only point guards are nicknamed "Pooh", I'll help finance your work, to the tune of a couple of quid.)

- The L.A. Clippers signed Jason Williams, thus pretty much concluding their business for the offseason. At times in these posts, I have slated the Clippers for what I deem to be some cap mismanagement. (I stand by it, although it has been pointed out to me that the Eric Gordon signing was probably necessitated by the common practice that dictates that rookies won't play in summer camps without a contract. I sort of knew that already, but I'm willing to concede the point anyway, because I'm entirely brilliant and just a little bit self-congratulatory.) However, they deserve due credit: this summer, they have signed Baron Davis, Ricky Davis, Brian Skinner and Jason Williams as free agents, while also taking on the market value contract of Marcus Camby while giving up nothing. That right there is a succession of moves that sees decent-to-fine players obtained for good value - Baron Davis signed for far less than the maximum, Ricky Davis signed cheaply for one year, Skinner took the minimum, Williams may as well have done, and Camby is tied in for two years at an extremely good price for an elite centre. For this, the Clippers deserve their due. I still worry about their long term future, or lack thereof (although they do have something of a 2010 plan on the go), and they aren't going to win much other than a playoff spot in the immediate future. But that's not necessarily a bad thing, and signing good players for good prices never is. So, kudos.

- The Josh Smith played itself out thusly: Atlanta refused to budge from their lowball of a 5 year, $45 million offer; Smith looked elsewhere; Smith signed a 5 year and $58 million offer sheet from Memphis; Atlanta quickly matched. So that's pretty sensible all around. The news that Memphis isn't entirely against the idea of spending their cap room comes as a welcome relief, though, and it gives me an idea, one which will future in the next blog post. (Hint: It's based around an anagram of Neb Gondor. And the fact that I just made that a link may give the game away slightly.)

- Josip Sesar has signed with Zrinjski Mostar in Bosnia, and not the Boston Celtics. Damn shame.

- Sun Yue, second round pick of the Lakers last year, has agreed to sign with the team. Apparently, the important Lakers people reckon that Yue may get some point guard time, and Lamar Odom will also spent some time playing at the guard spots. Verdict: I think they're lying.

- Miami signed Yakhouba Diawara because they didn't think that they had enough players under contract yet.

- The Hawks signed Thomas Gardner and Othello Hunter. The Gardner signing, while largely inconsequential, gives the Hawks six guards not named Salim Stoudamire. That, plus this rather ominous blog report thing, gives me the vague idea that maybe Salim Stoudamire isn't going to back to the Atlanta Hawks next year. So, if there's anyone out there with sway in this 'ere NBA world - do me a favour. Either sign Salim Stoudamire, or help us find somebody who will. He's like Jannero Pargo, and everyone likes Jannero Pargo (or, rather, everyone hates playing against him.) He'll probably come cheaper, too. I demand that someone sign him. I have no leverage with which to make such demands, but that didn't do Luol Deng any harm. (Devin Brown also needs a home, but I think I'm over this now.)

- The New Orleans Hornets re-signed Ryan Bowen. Yeehaw. The Hornets' bench now reads thusly: Mike James, Rasual Butler, James Posey, Bowen, Hilton Armstrong, Julian Wright, and Melvin Ely. Who out of that lot do they expect to be a sixth man, exactly? They appear to have moved on from Pargo and Bonzi Wells, two players always willing to fashion a shot, even if they're not always a good idea. So who's going to provide the bench offense here? I'm aware that Chris Paul is basically Jesus, who could get even me an easy basket, but the real Jesus had a few days off, too. (He got his carpentry NVQ at a young age. Good plan. It's always a good idea to have a fallback option.) So the Hornets could really use someone that can find, take and make a shot off the bench. Mike James isn't getting it done, and Ryan Bowen really isn't getting it done.

Hey, I know! Maybe the Hornets could use Salim Stoudamire!

Where Are They Now? Part 24

Darrick Martin was waived by Toronto last month, and subsequently got a new gig with them as a "basketball development consultant". Whatever that is.

Torrell Martin is playing for Slask in Poland, a team that you've heard of by now if you've read all of these entries. Also playing for Slask are Five Trillion Deng Gai's, Dawan Robinson and The Ho-Man. Martin averages exactly 11 points and almost exactly 6 rebounds a game.

Jamal Mashburn, as well you know, is firmly done. He now works for ESPN, doing some studio work and articles and stuff. Basically he's got my job. Bastard.

Chester CHET! Mason is playing for Zlatorog Lasko in Slovenia, and if you hadn't heard of them before then you're a disgrace. Mason averages 9.7 points, 4.9 rebounds and 4.1 assists, with an efficiency rating of 11. I would give efficiency ratings for all players listed here, but I have windows that need looking out of.

Tony Massenburg stunned the world this October when he signed with the Washignton Wizards for training camp. You'd have thought that Massenburg had had the perfect retirement, since leaving the Spurs with a championship ring two seasons earlier. But, no, apparently Tony couldn't keep away. The Wizards didn't keep him, but Massenburg still carried on, signing in Puerto Rico for a team named Captains of Arecibo as a replacement for Marcus Fizer. Massenburg is no longer there, but that's not the point. The point is, why is Tony Massenburg still trying to get back into the NBA? Is he flat broke? Is he too proud to quit? Is he inspired by Kevin Willis? Is he trying to get single ownership of the "most teams played for" crown, a record he currently co-owns with Chucky Brown (12)? If it's the latter, then he may as well not bother, because Bobby Jones will own that record by this time next year. But still, good luck to him.

Bryant Matthews, a sex pest, is out of prison. He went to play for a team called "Ponce" in Puerto Rico, where he didn't make a field goal in two games. If you want to know why Bryant Matthews is a dirty sex pest worthy of bilious hate, here's a brief synopsis of the story: in a hotel in Australia, Matthews's friend was having sex with his girlfriend, when Matthews walked in, sat on the bed, and stuck his hand in her snatch. His defense was that he "thought it was cool with her". I have so many questions as to why he would think or do this. Nevertheless, it evidently wasn't 'cool' with her. She complained, Bryant got terminated from his contract, and eventually criminal charges led to a maximum 18 month jail term, where he served 9.

Loukas Mavrokefalidis is playing for Olympiakos in Greece, alongside everyone mentioned in the Aryvdas Macijauskas entry. Mavro averages an astonishing 3 points and 1.5 rebounds, ish.

Walter McCarty has retired and is an assistant coach for the University of Louisville.

Amal McCaskill-less was an All-Star in the CBA this year, before he left the Albany Patroons and signed in the powerhouse United Arab Emirates league, for a team called An Nasr. The teams in the UAE league are named Al Shabab, Al Wasl, An Nasr, Al Ahli, Sharjah, Al Wahda and Ash Shaab, all of which sound like believable NYC taxi drivers names. Except for Sharjah. That's a race horse.

The Real Jelani McCoy has been signed and waived a lot by Denver this year, but is now out of the NBA and back in the D-League playing for the L.A. D-Fenders. McCoy averages 11.2 points, 7.8 rebounds and 2.1 blocks per game for them, along with 69% shooting from the field and 51% shooting from the free throw line. No, those are not the wrong way around.

Chris McCray is playing for Oostende in Belgium, alongside the timelessly named Titus Ivory. McCray averages a rather ropey 7.2 points per game.