Derrick Rose, as seen by someone who's never seen him

So the Chicago Bulls won the lottery. Hooray! Insert a Youtube video of a girl pulling a happy face while 'Surfin' Bird' by The Trashmen plays alongside her. Dance accordingly. Woop with joy. And stuff like that.

So apparently, we're (read: they're) now choosing between two players called Derrick Rose and Michael Beasley. Great.

So anyway. I don't watch NCAA basketball, because it's not on the telly. I also never read up on draftees, because I don't like to regurgitate other people's opinions. (Everyone else can do that, so I let everyone else do it.) This changed a bit, though, when they won the lottery.

So I've been doing the tiniest amount of research. And from what I can gather, Derrick Rose may or may not have good court vision due to his head coach running a system that doesn't feature a traditional point guard much, didn't score a whole lot due to a 'stacked' team, isn't a good shooter, and can't finish with his left hand.

So I ask you: what am I missing that makes this guy a number 1 pick? Why would a coach have a supposed surefire superstar and potential number 1 overall pick, and not tailor the offense to suit his strengths? Why would a potential number 1 pick, whose strength is supposedly his scoring, be outscored by his inferior, we're-not'going-to-be-drafted-number-one-overall-to-be-honest teammates?

So what have I missed?

(So Taguchi.)

(So Safan.)

The Bulls won the lottery

Offseason Preview: Chicago Bulls

The first in a new series of posts detailing teams financial outlooks for the upcoming free agency period, what cap room they have, what exceptions, what draft slots, etc. Should be fascinatingly fascinating, if you're easily pleased.

No information is 100% guaranteed accurate, but unless you're privy to hitherto unknown information, or just better at this than I am (highly possible), then it's probably more accurate than you.

To be completed in an order best described as "Random".

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  Chicago Bulls


Currently Committed Salary, 2008/09:

Larry Hughes - $12,827,676*
Kirk Hinrich - $10,250,000*
Andres Nocioni - $8,000,000
Drew Gooden - $7,151,183
Tyrus Thomas - $3,749,880
Joakim Noah - $2,295,480
Thabo Sefolosha - $1,931,160
Cedric Simmons - $1,742,760
Aaron Gray - $711,517
JamesOn Curry - $711,517 (not fully guaranteed)

Total: $49,371,173


(* = has incentives. Hughes's salary listed WITHOUT incentives, that are dependent on win totals, and thus won't be considered likely. Hinrich's salary listed WITH incentives, which probably won't be considered likely either.)



Unrestricted Free Agents:

Shannon Brown (cap hold - $1,116,960)
Chris Duhon (cap hold - $6,496,000)



Restricted Free Agents:

Ben Gordon (qualifying offer - $6,404,749, cap hold - $14,645,007)
Luol Deng (qualifying offer - $4,452,574, cap hold - $9,961,017)
Demtris Nichols (qualifying offer - $886,517, cap hold - $512,596)



Draft picks:

First round: 9th pick, subject to lottery results. (Cap hold - $1,840,800)
Second round: 39th pick (no cap hold)



Cap room/exceptions:

Nada room, MLE, BAE, and a $5,205,000 trade exception.




Mario Austin:

Is brilliant.



Depth chart if you take all the free agents away:

PG - Hinrich, Curry
SG - Hughes, Sefolosha
SF - Nocioni, Sefolosha
PF - Gooden, Thomas, Simmons
C - Noah, Gray



Sensible things to do:

Let Chris Duhon go. Gas Larry Hughes. Don't lose Gordon and Deng for nothing - either re-sign them, or get value in a sign and trade. Try and wriggle out from under Simmons's final guaranteed year. Add a veteran centre and a veteran point guard. DON'T BLOCK THE YOUNGSTERS. Get a coach that's better than the cataclismically bad Jim Boylan. Learn how to spell cataclysmically. Explore the possibility of debilitating widespread roster overhaul, but don't for the love of God make a losing trade involving a young player whose value is way below its best. Not again.

Reason No. 451 Why The Bulls Suck This Year

They were supposed to lose this game.

But, clearly, they didn't. Not even close, in fact. Rather than lose, the Bulls instead nearly set a franchise record for most points in a regulation game.

Teriffic.

Yet, I can't be annoyed at this. It may not have been the optimum result in terms of the Bulls long term future (it pains me to admit that the one draft spot they could potentially gain from losing out is the most useful thing that could possibly come out of the Bulls disastrous season now), but it was great effing fun, if nothing else. It would have been even more fun had I actually watched the game. I'm sure of that.

More inspiring still was the complete randomness of it. The fact that the Bucks have been a special kind of shit on defense all year is a well documented truth. But the fact that the team with the worst FG% in the league - and by a reasonably comfortable margin - just shot 68% in a game, is friggin' staggering. Especially coming from a team with the cohesiveness of a early morning shit after a night on the Stella, like the Bulls currently have.

However, all the time the score was being run up, I couldn't help but think that it wasn't enough. 151 points is fan-freakin'-tastic, but it pales compared to the 168 points that Denver put up earlier this season. And this made me disappointed - since when was 151 points 'remarkable', but not league leading?

It's a damn good period of the NBA's history that we currently live in where things like this can happen.



Also, some individual performances need some praise and some scorn. The statline of Ramon Sessions no doubt jumps at you. His 24 assists is not quite an NBA rookie record, for the record is 25, jointly held by Nate McMillan and some guy called Ernie DiGregorio. But it's definitely the rookie record of recent times, surpassing Jamaal Tinsley's rookie effort of 23 in a game, back in the days when he used to pass first. (Note: I am going off of memory here, and didn't look to check if any rookie had topped that mark since.) So this effort pushes Tinsley further out of sight and out of mind, which can only be a good thing.

Unfortunately, to look at Sessions's effort, properly, you need some context. The first 20+ point and 20+ assist game in Bucks history was undermined somewhat by Chris Duhon's statline of 15 assists with 0 turnovers, along with scoring 22 points on 9 shots. All of this took place in 14 less mintes than what Sessions played. Had he played the same amount of minutes as Sessions (44), he almost certainly would have had better overall numbers than Sessions did.

And this is a bad thing, because this is Chris Duhon we're talking about. Chris Duhon, in his penultimate game as a Chicago Bull, no less. Duhon's tenure with the Bulls has always been highlighted by the occasional staggeringly brilliant performance, be it his triple double versus Charlotte, his eight made three pointers versus Atlanta, or his 38 point game versus the Warriors this season. Every four months or so, he turns in a performance so dominating that you can't help but wonder what it is that makes him so shit for the other 80 games of the season. And tonight, he has done this again. But this is no excuse for Sessions to let him put up numbers of such magnitude - it is, after all, Chris Duhon. At some point, you have to make him look like the shitty point guard that he is.

Also, who would have thought that one of the most high scoring games of the past decade could have possibly involved Michael Ruffin logging significant minutes? (I had an interesting follow-up point to this, but Muffin ruined it by scoring the final basket of the game, to finish with a mesmeric 2 points. Bastard. By the way, for those who still haven't got the memo, Michael Ruffin is the worst offensive player of all time. His profile proves this.)

For points per shot fans such as myself, this game was a stunner. For Bulls fans such as myself, this game was polarising. For Bucks fans, this game was more of the same - you know what you're getting by now, and you don't like it, but at least Sessions gives you false hope. (I'd trade him by the next deadline if I were you. Sell high. See also: Tinsley, Jamaal.) And for Chris Duhon fans, you get one final chance to see your hero in action for the team that will probably constitute 80% of his entire NBA career.

So, something for everybody there.

Reason No. 450 Why The Bulls Suck This Year

Coach Jim Boylan came up with a creative plan to try and lighten the mood among the Bulls.

During their off-day in Atlanta on Thursday, the players boarded the team bus before the scheduled practice time. But instead of practice, the bus drove to a nearby bowling alley.

At 11 o'clock in the morning, the Bulls essentially had the lanes to themselves. So they ordered some food, split up into teams and started bowling.

Daily Herald

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"We weren't really ready to play," Kirk Hinrich said in a shocking admission for a game of such significance for them.

Chicago Tribune

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O RLY?????

And speaking of deliberate losing.....

......there's just so so much wrong with this that I can barely even begin.



48 minutes for Chris Quinn? Ricky Davis as the best player? 25.6% shooting? 10 free throws? Mark Blount rebounding line Mark Blount? 12 assists to 13 turnovers? Needless question marks?

Bollocks to it all. That's awful. Deliberately awful, and thus not amusingly awful. Bad times.

Still, it's not the worst lineup of all time. That honour goes to the 1999/00 Chicago Bulls, who offered up this joy of joys.

Chicago vs New Jersey, 04/21/1999


And closely following is this inspiring effort from the 2002/03 Denver Nuggets.

Denver vs Dallas, 01/06/2003



Spot the common variable.

Game of the week 4: Bulls vs Magic

Eight weeks have passed since the last game-of-the-week which makes the title of the series something of an outright lie. Yeah. Sorry about that. I was busy and ill and stuff.

Still, to get us back into the series, I'm choosing to depict a game featuring the greatest basketball team in the world (as long as you don't include wins and losses in your criteria for what makes a team good), the insatiable Chicago Bulls, as they take on the Orlando Magic.

For those who haven't been following at home, the Chicago Bulls are less than mediocre this year. And for those of us who support them, it's a rather painful kick in the arse to witness. This team last year won 49 games and made the second round of the playoffs. They weren't half bed. They improved upon this on paper as they upgraded their personel, kept together their core, and assumed incremental improvement from all the young holders. Things were supposed to be beautiful.

They aren't.

For whatever reason, the Bulls suck. A premier defensive unit with mediocre but sufficient offense has suddenly turned into a mediocre defensive unit with the worst offense in the NBA. The "slow start" excuse played for a while, as the Bulls do have a recent history of slow starts. But for whatever reason, this season, they're still bad at the near half way point of the season.

The Magic, meanwhile, tore out to an epic start, and have now levelled off a bit. Just like last year. Except hopefully for them, unlike last year, they won't be distinctly middle of the road come the end of the season. But with future MVP Dwight Howard around, it seems unlikely.

After spending roughly an hour finding a way to watch the game online (obviously via totally legal methods), I gave up, and listened to the audio feed instead. I lay in bed to do this, because I'm lazy like that. It was there that I discovered that the game was being broadcast on a tape delay via English TV channel Five, whose NBA coverage has been nitpicked to death by me in the past (namely, here. So we'll see how they handle this.


- If you didn't know this already, Luol Deng has an English passport. Ben Gordon also will do in the foreseeable future. This makes Five rather intrested in the Bulls progress, and broadcast all Bulls games with simmering dollops of bias. And that's to be commended. Tonight, however, they've gone one step further, and added an in-studio guest - Luol Deng's brother Ajou Deng. Ajou Deng is 29, taller, considerably inferior, with exactly the same voice as Luol. He also looks sorta the same, except with the eyes of poker player Phil Ivey, and with a gap tooth that would have been considered sexy several centuries ago. Ajou speaks slowly, deeply and consistently, with no hint of punctuation or syllable inflection, and with absolutely nothing to say except to respond to the inane questions fired by the in-studio pairing of Mark Webster (not the world darts champion) and Andre Alleyne about how brilliant Luol is. This is going to work perfectly, I can see it.

- Ajou regales us with a story about how he won an MVP trophy during a basketball tournament he played in, the prize for which was a 27 inch television, which he then had to take home on the bus that he arrived on. Welcome to the world of British basketball. Additionally, Britain's first ever entry to the ULEB Cup (the second tier European club competition), the Guildford Heat, are 0-9 in the competition so far, with numerous enormous losses, including a recent 40 point loss to Joventut. Ajou Deng plays for the Heat. So you can see where this is going.

- None of the three studio presenters can tie a tie. Alleyne hasn't bothered, Deng shouldn't have done, and Webster offers up a remarkable ensemble for the evening. Unshaven, somewhat gaunt looking, with an abortive attempt on his very stripey tie and a seriously ill-fitting V-neck sweater, Webster looks as though he has just been pulled out of a crackhouse and thrust into whatever clothes they could find only minutes before the show began. Strangely, though, he's also wearing a purple wristband. Answers on a postcard.

- In back to back sentences, Webster describes the Bulls season so far as "patchy", and then says "let's hope that [another good run to close out the season] happens again!". Like I said, it's all swarmed in bias. And I'm totally cool with that.

- In pre-game build up, Alleyne mentions how Ben Wallace has "picked himself up", in reference to his recent play. Then a graphic shows up showing how the Bulls are the sixth highest scoring team in the NBA this season at 103 points per game, which Alleyne elaborates upon weirdly. Alleyne then closes his stanza with the immortal sentence "Chris Duhon will start in the, um, erm, excuse me, point guard spot vacated by Kendrick Hinrich." So not only are we biased as all hell, but we can't analyse for shit. Fantastic.

- Mark Webster then calls Joakim Noah "Wakeem", and suddenly I feel vindicated about being unable to kick the habit myself. Then again, as we discussed earlier, Webster is a crack addict, so......

(Legal disclaimer - Mark Webster is not a crack addict. Neither of the famous Mark Webster's are.)

The team then proceed to have a conversation about Wakeem, his skills, value to the team, and about his recent suspension for backchat. It's actually an intelligent discussion full of accurate observations, perspective and common sense. While it was taking place, the cameraman went for a wander, and panned to two Luol Deng jerseys sitting on a desk somewhere. Don't know why this happened.

- Finally, before the tip-off, Alleyne and Ajou agree that the Bulls are going to need a big defensive game from Ben Wallace. For those who haven't noticed, here is Ben Wallace's defensive PER this season. Feisty.

- Kendrick Hinrich is sitting out tonight due to a combination of back spasms and epic shitness, so Thabo "The Show" Sefolosha starts in his place. This means that the Bulls have now replaced the third worst jumpshooting guard in basketball (Hinrich) with the worst (Thabo), both of whom are starting alongside the second worst (Duhon). This on a team that also starts the 33% shooting centre Ben Wallace. This is really going to space the floor, I reckon.

- After Ben Wallace wins the opening tip, which he seems to do every night as fatigue ha snot yet set in, Jumpin' Joe Smith attempts the Bulls first 3 shots, and misses them. And you said we didn't have a post scorer!

- Ben Wallace exhibits Shaq-like pick and roll defense early, successfully managing to guard neither Orlando player. But in his defense, if you think paying Ben Wallace $15 million a year for only one dimesion (and you're wrong, for it's actually zero dimensions), then give Rashard Lewis three years and you'll have a black Pat Garrity for $20 million a year. Yes, I'm still harping on about this.

- Chris Duhon misses a wide open three point shot, and Thabo Sefolosha turns down an open 21 footer in favour of dribbling into screeners for 5 seconds. Still, only four minutes until Gordon comes in.

- After Ben Wallace picks up his second foul, Aaron Gray comes in for him. Colour commentator Matt Guokas mentions how this makes Dwight Howard's eyes "light up". Yeah, well, wait until Dwight sees what a powerhouse he has to defend. Aaron Gray is the shit.

- Sefolosha hits a jumper. Wow. Matt Guokas mentions about how that type of player - the thought of as insignificant type - are the type of player that typically burns the Magic. Well, we'll see about that.

- I feel I should mention at this moment that I'm rasping for a piss, and yet the show has had no advert breaks yet. Things are starting to get uncomfortable.

- Coming back from a timeout, the game feed cuts back in with the camera focused on Wakeem Noah on the bench. This causes Webster to lose his professionalism, as the soundman hangs him out to dry by leaving hsi microphone on for five seconds longer than Webster thought he had. After handing back to the American audio feed, Webster then booed Noah loudly, thinking that he was off air. That was fun.

- Joe Smith opens the game 1 for 5 from the free throw line, which is extremely unlike him. He scowls angrily at the basket after all the misses, which is extremely unusual for Smith. This Bulls team is personified by awful body language, and only the constant chirpiness offered by Aaron Gray, Smith and Noah shows any kind of interest in the players being there. And if we lose Joe to a bad temper, then the franchise has real problems.

- Ajou Deng's awkwardness to the camera is topped only by Luol's. If you've ever seen Luol Deng talk toa camera, you'll notice that he slows up his speech for some reason. And quite frankly, it makes him sound like a spanner. I thought I'd mention this.

- Brian Cook is fat and awkward.

- Stan Van Gundy is fat and awkward.

- The first quarter ends at 27-24 to Orlando. The TV show is now 50 minutes in, and not even the end of the quarter brings me the relief of an advert break. I'm really scratching for a slash here, but I can't seem to stop watching, in case I miss something I can roll my eyes about. Right on cue, Alleyne calls Thabo by the unusual name of "Seffer-LAR-shar". Obviously I can;t miss things like this.

- During the first quarter break, we are treated to a montage of every shot Luol Deng took and/or made. This could get tiresome, even for those of us out there who love Luol Deng dearly and would even be willing to overlook it if he bricked our parents to death. Meanwhile, Ajou Deng's head slowly disappears into his shoulders.

- Alleyne again references the stat they invented which claims that the Bulls are 6th in the NBA in points per game. So the analyst can't analyse, the in-studio guest can't entertain, and Mark Webster is high as a kite (allegedly). Brilliant.

(But, you know? It's still very entertaining for some reason. At least they're enthused. And that counts for a lot. Well, OK, Ajou Deng isn't enthused.)

- For three straight possessions to open the second quarter, Orlando takes and makes straight away 28 footers. Chicago responds by bringing the ball up unneessarily slowly, taking 10 seconds to even get to the play calling stage. The Bulls offense survived all its pitfalls last year by pushing the ball enough to be the 6th fastest offense in the entire NBA, which in a league featuring teams such as Phoenix and Golden State is no mean feat. Yet this year, aided by the slowness of Duhon and Hinrich, they've decided not to bother with that, unless their idea of pushing the ball involves in-rhythm 20 footers with no one in rebounding position. That, they do plenty of.

- Still no ad break. I can feel my bladder rupture.

- After Ben Wallace does his customary 10 dollar move with a 10 cent finish in the low post, Matt Guokas claims that "you might normally go three or four games without seeing Ben Wallace attempt a post move". Oh God, how I wish that was the case.

- As Joe Smith shoots a free throw, a girl with a mop runs behind the rebounders to back underneath the basket Joe is shooting at. Any closer, and she would have run down the paint itself. Strange times. Joe makes it anyway but still doesn't look happy.

- Ben Gordon is in at the point guard spot for Chicago. Fantastic! That'll facilitate the ball movement and stop the turnovers.

- After the outside shooting barrage, Chicago is now down 14. They look deflated already, although I'm not sure they ever looked inflated. They also strangely can't seem to rebound with Ben Wallace in the game. Surely not? It's not like Ben's man routinely goes off for big rebounding nights or anything. An Orlando timeout comes, but no advert break comes with it. Webster says "Wakeem" again.

- Thabo Sefolosha is given a whole calendar week to shoot a three point shot from the wing. He obliges, and makes it. He has now hit three jumpers in one game. One of them nearly hit a flying pig.

- If you are wondering at home, why do the Bulls continue to play Wallace when he is substandard at every facet of the game, and players such as Noah and Tyrus Thomas aren't getting nearly enough playing time, then look no further. They know of the illogical nature of what they are doing, and yet they deliberately do it. The reasoning is thus: if they flog this dead horse enough so that they can get his rebounding average above or near 10 a game, along with his 2 assists, steals and blocks a game, then someone might - just might - trade for the bastard if the Bulls set the bar low enough. And if you think that's silly, then bear in mind that John Paxson's record when it comes to trading players when their value is at their lowest ebb is rather unspectacular.

- Luol Deng shoots a technical foul shot, which must be a first. Meet the Chicago Bulls guards, everybody. For a "jumpshooting team", we sure as shit can't shoot. Deng misses it.

- Thabo penetrates the lane and drops the ball off to Wallace, who finishes with a dunk over that same flying pig. This is noteworthy for two reasons:

1) Thabo isn't awful tonight.
2) Ben Wallace dunked the ball.

Both rare but special things.

- Amazingly, the Bulls have cut it back to a two point game, as Orlando misses a few shots. With their final possession of the half, Chicago runs their insatiable Duhon/Wallace pick and roll. Amazingly, it doesn't work. A turnover and a three pointer later, the Bulls are down 5 at the half.

- The half time show brings us focus on, surprise surprise, Luol Deng. They have a feature in which he talks about a series of slide related to things in his life. These include Big Ben (the clock, not Wallace), his passport photo, Charlie Villanueva, Dikembe Mutombo, a Phoenix Suns cap and Manute Bol, whose legs dumbfound me with their length. This feature was not interesting, but I watched it all in case it was. In doing this, I had to once again sacrifice going for a piss. That's dedication, folks.

- Ajou Deng gets to talk a lot at half time, and cements his status as the least enticing TV personality ever. He does mention at one point, though, that he and Luol have another basketball playing brohter called Deng Deng. Maybe I misheard his dulcit tones, but I swear he said that. Meanwhile, Luol waxes lyrical about Wakeem, the team cancer. (Sarcasm).

- Orlando blows the game open again to start the second half, despite Jameer Nelson running two fast breaks so badly that he ought to be made an honorary Chicago Bull. Both times, he dribbled into the path of his wing man, and had to pull the ball back out. Still, Orlando hits their shots, and Chicago can't get theirs off.

- It's depressing to watch how little Ben Wallace gives a shit.

- Chicago has two point sint he first 4 minutes of the third quarter, including one beautfiful possession that featured a two man game between Wallace and Duhon, in which Wallace caught the ball in the low post with 15 seconds on the clock, and spun around looking for help for every last one of them. Good times.

Orlando trots down, and hits their open outside shots from a penetrate-and-kick game.

The game is blown open to a 73-54 affair from a 57-52 game at half time.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, that'll do it. I can't be bothered with the rest.





Ladies and gentleman, meet your Chicago Bulls. They're exactly the same outfit as last year, except they're more talented, and massively inferior.

Successful Chicago Bulls teams of the Scott Skiles era were personified by energy and defense. Both have vanished from the current Bulls. No one takes charges. Players don't fight for the rebound like they once did. Their simple playbook used to be reasonably effective when it was executed with a certain sharpness and crispness. But this crispness has disappeared. Players flit about, and the Bulls haven't the athletic talent to get away with that.

The problem does not necessarily lie with the Bulls player personel. They have a flawed roster, with not enough pure shotmaking talent and poor size. But they've always had this, and yet have proven that they can be successful anyway. The probkem stems from what these previously successful players have started not doing that has gotten them away from what they do best.

Instead of incremental improvements from the core, everyone except Tyrus Thomas has gone backwards. And even he hasn't done that much to get better except for adding a reasonable jumpshot. Ben Gordon's doing much better as of late after being benched, but his mind wasn't in it to begin the season, and he reverted to his stand-on-the-wing self of his first two seasons. Luol Deng, affected by nagging injuries, still fatigues too easily and goes for long stretches without touching the ball on offense. Chris Duhon is back to the standard of his sophomore season after a bad campaign last season, but he suffers from just not being that good. Ben Wallace's demise has gone from slow to debilitating. Andres Nocioni is chucking more than ever before, including even his rookie season, and his defense continues to get worse as he leaves several dozen open shooters a game. And Kirk Hinrich's offseason decision to bulk up seems to have resulted in a jarring loss of foot speed and the absence of any consistency in his jumpshot.

The Bulls guards never could finish around the rim. Their big men never could consistently do so either. The team was never tall, and never very athletic. But they used to win anyway. The defense would carry them. Even when they went through massive offensive droughts, they'd put you into one too, by taking many charges, deflecting the ball at all times, and just generally pissing you off. But the charge taking has gone. The deflections are way down. And the offense is worse, despite the too-massive-to-explain difference in offensive talent between the respective trios of Joe Smith, Aaron Gray and Joakim Noah over P.J. Brown, Michael Sweetney and Malik Allen.

So, what's wrong with the Bulls? Something. I don't know what to suggest.

But scapegoating the coach didn't work.

With apologies to Dwight Howard

In my season preview of the Orlando Magic, written back in October and located here, I wrote something that looks a bit stupid in hindsight. At this point, I'd quite like to try and weasel my way out most of it.

The following are some quotes that I stand by:

It would be very difficult if not impossible to provide a commentary on the Rashard Lewis sign-and-trade while also managing to take an interesting or unique viewpoint, or to say anything that hasn't already been said. So I won't. But I will recommend that you look at the figure that he signed for (listed above), and think long and hard about whether he is worth it. And if you come up with any answer other than "no", keep looking at it until you do. In 2013, a 33 year old Rashard Lewis is going to be being paid nearly $22.7 million. It's freakin' bizarre. Or freakin' stupid, pick your own adjective. Both work.

---

So now, ask yourselves whether the trio of Hill, Milicic and Diener (who should, without a doubt, have played over Carlos Arroyo all of last season, and who is now nicely lined up for a breakout season) is going to help any more than Rashard Lewis on his own. It's a tough answer, but either way, the Magic's player personel did not improve much. If at all.

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Last season's mediocre performance suggests that the good run to end the 2005/06 season was nothing more than an aberration. With better coaching and better performance this season, the Magic have the opportunity to show that it was last season that was the anomaly instead. If Orlando gets breakout performances from one or perhaps a couple of young players (specifically looking in the directions of Jameer Nelson and J.J. Redick), they could contend for the open Southeast Division title.

If you only read those three passages, then I wrote a damn fine piece. However, I ended it like this:

Perhaps a more realistic expectation, though, would be for a low playoff seed once again.

Um, well, that's proven to be wrong so far.

Currently, the Magic reside atop the Southeast Division, with a record of 22-13. Their nearest rivals in the division are the Washington Wizards at 16-15, who apparently just lost Gilbert Arenas for the rest of the season. And in third place are the Atlanta Hawks, who are trying to justify my playoff call with a 15-16 record and a damn tough schedule thus far.

The Magic are the third seed in the East thus far, which is no mean feat given how the top two teams (Boston and Detroit) are by far and away superior to the rest of the conference. Now obviously they're inevitably going to lose this third to the mighty and surging Chicago Bulls (you heard it here first), but even so, they should still come fourth in the East. And that's not a "low playoff seed".

So somewhere along the line, barring dramatic unpredictable implosion, I've made a boo-boo.

I stand by my views on the Rashard Lewis deal, as he quite frankly hasn't been even nearly worth it thus far. I also can't be expected to have predicted the Keith Bogans Jumpshot Spectacular that's bizarrely given unto us by the Lord this season, although I won't be entirely surprised if he regresses to somewhere near his career norm any day now. The point guard play still isn't very good, although I did overlook the fact that Carlos Arroyo's contract is expiring, which always leads to him giving forth a more concerted effort. And I strongly admire Orlando General Manager Otis Smith's efforts to sabotage his team's good play with another poor trade, needlessly shipping Trevor Ariza to the Lakers for Maurice Evans and Brian Cook, two players who offer nothing that Orlando couldn't have gotten from within. The chances are that Smith has at least one more of those left in the gun yet, too.

But mainly, the prediction is my own fault, and it's rather to simple to see why.

I forgot to account for the fact that Dwight Howard is, quite simply, the shit.

Whoops. Sorry, Dwight.

Quite what is the point of media day?

Another untopical post.

For those unsure, NBA Media Day is the day at the start of training camp set aside for the taking of photos of everybody involved within a basketball team. Really pointless. The photos are usually surreal, awful, or both. And the only saving grace of the day is when the occasional gem is offered up, such as this'un from George Karl last year:


For the most part, though, it is bland crapness. To illustrate this point, I have compiled the media day photos of long time Chicago Bulls assistant coach Ron Adams, the creepy looking bespectacled arm grabber, from the last 4 years. View them and judge for yourself quite how necessary media day is.



This is Ron Adams from 2007:



This is Ron Adams from 2006:



This is Ron Adams from 2005:



And this is Ron Adams from 2004:




Did this need doing? Does anybody want or need this to happen? Does Ron Adams need it to happen?

The only discertainable differences between the photos stem from Ron Adams's skin colour. Thus it stands to reason that the sole purpose of NBA Media Day is to help inform us commoners quite where assistant coaches went on their summer holidays.

Like we care.

When the hell did Ben Wallace change his free throw shooting technique?

Tom Dore stole my thunder. Bastard.

I had this post planned as of the third quarter of the Bulls vs Bobcats game last night, and then Bulls play by play announcer Dore made the observation himself in the fourth. The git.

But anyway. Yes. Ben Wallace has changed his free throw style, and I have two crudely filmed videos to prove it. One of which I stole off Youtube, and one of which was filmed via the scientific approach of pointing my mobile phone at my monitor. Always bringing you quality.



This is the classic Ben, articulately shown with a swish to crap all over Miami's plans to deliberately foul him, thus completing their humiliating first round capitulation to a far superior Chicago team that made them look like the wanky has-beens that they are and this sentence is starting to run on a bit now by the way happy new year:


This is the new wave Wallace, with an uncharacteristic miss (just pretend that it goes in).


How about that knee bend! The stubborn bastard took a hint! Wow!

Someone get Scott Skiles on the blower and press him for answers as to how this happened. And then try and convince him to try practicing some layups.

(Seriously, does he practice them?)

Where were you when........

Jay Williams, the artist formerly known as "The Next Big Thing" and currently known as "That Fella Who Fell Off His Bike", is continuing his comeback attempts by signing in Italy in the coming days.

He's still trying, bless him.

This uber-exciting news gives us an excuse to do a free online web page translation, which is always fun.

Courtesy of Babelfish translation:

The Legea Scafati never does not stop to make to speak about if, above all on the argument market. In the last hours, in fact, the news has been diffused in the city bell second which patron the Longobardi would be on the point to close the negotiation that would carry Jason Jay Williams to the court of Alibegovic. The definition of the transaction would have to happen nel.giro.di due-tre days, but to this point it appears sure that we will be able to see to the work a player from the enormous one upgrades them, expressed up to now only in minimal part.

After it are asserted to Duke, has become famous for to have been the second one chosen (from part of the Chicago Bulls) to the Draft that has consecrated Yao Ming. Williams has had to make the accounts also with a tremendous incident of motion, that its career pregiudicato for various years. Now the call of Scafati has arrived, but also the last one chance in order to make to see finally of what is able.

It's that timeless question: Where were you when Jay Williams had his tremendous incident of motion?



(EDIT - Jay didn't sign in Italy, after all. It was an erroneous report: the actual signing was of a different ex-Bull point guard called Williams - Frank. Damn. That's less fun.

30 teams in 36 or so days: Chicago

Chicago

Players acquired via free agency or trade:

Joe Smith (2 years, $10 million)




Players acquired via draft:

First round: Joakim Noah (9th overall)
Second round: Aaron Gray (49th overall), JamesOn Curry (51st overall)



Players retained:

Andres Nocioni (re-signed, 6 years, $45 million)



Players departed:

Malik Allen (signed with New Jersey), Michael Sweetney (left unrestricted, unsigned), P.J. Brown (unsigned), Andre Barrett (made restricted, unsigned, may yet return), Martynas Andriuskevicius (left unrestricted, signed in Spain)





Bobbins:

(The following entry may well be written with a small hint of bias. Or, alternately, it may be written with huge seething dollops of it. I'm a Bulls fan, just so's you know.)

Has anybody ever told you that you need a dominant post scorer to win a title? If not, then you're not a Bulls fan. Since the dawn of time (or since the Eddy Curry trade, whichever), this edict has been hurled at Bulls fans and management alike by people of all races, creeds and IQ levels, and never more so than in the immediate aftermath of the Pau Gasol trade-that-never-was at the last trade deadline. Forget the fact that Detroit managed this supposedly impossible feat just three years ago: these people remain steadfast in their opinion. And why shouldn't they? People say it on the TV, after all, so it must be true.

After General Manager John Paxson did not pull the trigger on a deal for Gasol due to the excessive demands of Grizzlies GM Jerry West and the continued breakout of Luol Deng, talk of the Bulls need for a 'dominant' post scorer continued. "Experts" then shifted their attention to Kevin Garnett, ignoring for a moment the fact that such a move was never realistically possible due to the Bulls salary cap position. After that avenue also passed the Bulls by, people rolled their eyes, and widely discredited the Bulls offseason as something of a wash, given the lack of a big trade.

What seems to be overlooked, though, is that having a post up, back-to-the-basket scorer isn't nearly as important as having big men that can make shots. By that, I mean having big men that can hit shots from close in and mid range (or from further outside of possible). For example, in their championship seasons and ones subsequent, Detroit didn't have a dominant post scorer. They had an inside scoring weapon with Rasheed Wallace's fallaway from the post, but that accounted for about 6 points a game. What they did have was three offensively capable big men in Rasheed, Corliss Williamson and Mehmet Okur, who, despite being primarily face-up scorers, were scorers nonetheless, and whom could finish easy shots inside, even if they didn't create much down low. Additionally, the team with the most wins in the NBA last year (Dallas) does not have a post up scorer. They have a big man who is an elite scorer in Dirk Nowitzki, but that's a different thing altogether. (Note - I know they lost in the first round. But that's not why. They lost because they choked.)

In contrast, the Bulls last year had a slew of offensively inept big men. Their man options on that end where either the 41% shooting of reserve Malik Allen, who could only score via the pick and pop jumpshot, or P.J. Brown who had exactly the same issues going on. Failing that, they had either the amazing inconsistency of Michael Sweetney to turn to, or they could give shots to Tyrus Thomas, who could not consistently hit anything outside of dunks all year. And let's not mention Ben Wallace here, because we know what he's like. The Bulls hotchpotch of big men featured no one who could consistently make a layup and, apart from two decent mid-range shooters with nothing further to add, their big man offense constituted a whole lot of nothing. That is, unless you wish to include 6'7 outside shooter Andres Nocioni into the discussion. And that's hardly nullifying the issue right hurr.

But Chicago still did not need a post-up, slow-the-game-down interior scorer. If they could realistically obtain one for a decent price, then it would have been a move worth doing, as long as that player was not Zach Randolph (but hey, there'll be more on him in the Knicks post at a later date). However, they could not. And obtaining a second or third tier one such as Al Harrington or Shareef Abdur-Rahim just really was not bloody worth it.

What they needed was big men who could score the easy shots offered up within the flow, not get blocked by the rim, men who could break a zone defense, and who the guards could trust to pass to without their ears pricking up in anticipation of imminent danger.

Did they achieve this?

Well, not really. Not yet, anyway.

The Bulls did noticably upgrade their big men, though. Replacing the big bag of shite that was the holy foursome of Brown, Sweetney, Allen and Martynas Andriuskevicius was hard to do without upgrading, and therefore upgrade they did. Joakim Noah was drafted in the first round, a player who isn't particularly consistent offensively and who was drafted in front of Spencer Hawes (a superior interior scorer), but who was drafted there due to his superior all around game, which is something of a mantra for the Bulls. Joe Smith replaces the role P.J. Brown held last year, jigging around the mid range area looking for some jumpshots to clank, but who will do so with two added bonuses not previous brought by Brown: Smith is not completely immobile, and can get his layups above the rim. Aaron Gray offers very little offense, but you've never seen a man set backscreens better, And nobody replaces the spot once held by Andriuskevicius, so that's a net positive.

Additionally, another need was addressed with the drafting and signing of Jim Bob Curry. Behind the starters, the Bulls guards lacked offense and outside scoring. Every team needs a token chucker (see The Bench Player Handbook for more on that), and Curry provides Chicago with such a player. He won't play much, but if he does, he could help.

That, aside from re-signing Nocioni to a marginally oversized deal (but one necessarily so due to an alarming amount of open market interest: namely, one team, Memphis), was all that Chicago did. It's all that needed doing, really. Apart from signing Devin Brown, of course.




Next season:

While the Bulls changed basically all of their big man rotation, none of those players brought in are exceptional scorers. Joe Smith is a decent scorer, and Noah will be reasonably efficient in what few shots he takes. But while they have improved on the weakness of the previous season, it's not by a large amount. They still don't have a particularly adept group of offensive big men, and they didn't improve their wing players any. Then again, they didn't need to.

Improvement in this area has to come from within, namely from Tyrus Thomas, He, along with Ben Wallace, carries a load of the pressure in terms of how far the Bulls go this season. Both were inconsistent last season, Wallace due to a combination of nagging back/groin injuries and old age, and Thomas due to rookie rawness. Yet on the occasions that they played decent minutes together, the makings of a decent pairing were formed. Both are good passers and dribblers of the ball, fine rebounders and exceptional shotblockers, and the duo's versatility allows them to match up with any other frontcourt pairing out there - Wallace's strength and Thomas's speed being able to overcome any exaggeratedly-important height disparity. I may have made some words up there, but you get the idea.

The problem, though, was that neither could score well. And Thomas will have to be the one to correct that. It'd be more fun if it was Wallace that did, but......nah. I'm a gambling man, but I'm not taking those odds.

If Wallace is more consistent - or at least comparable to last year without any kind of gaping drop off - and if Thomas continues to develop his offensive game whist reining in the fouls, the duo has the ability to tip the Bulls fortunes over the top, in spite of neither being the mythical post up scorer that's apparently such a necessity. Chicago still retains their backcourt core to die for, with starters Hinrich, Gordon and Deng all still young and improving, and so it's the frontcourt that holds the key to the Bulls season.

Regardless, they're going to win the division. Blatantly. And then the East. And then the world. Maybe.