Preview Sort Of Thing: Portland Trail Blazers

I write this post while speaking from inside a pair of Portland Trail Blazers shorts. It's not the smartest choice of garb right now, given that it's essentially snowing outside. But I'm wearing them anyway, because I'm a maverick, who doesn't play by the rules, a Mad Max gone maniacal, a man whose killing expertise and suicidal recklessness make him a Lethal Weapon to anyone he works against. Or with.

I own these shorts for two reasons:

1. As a cutting edge fashionista, I firmly believe in the simplified yet magnetic beauty of novelty oversized black shorts.

2. When I bought them back 2002, I counted myself as a Portland fan.

Over time, this feeling has dissipated. As my NBA fandom has gone from "hardcore" to "oh Jesus just kill yourself already", my allegiance to the Bulls became firmer than a Kevin Lyde backscreen, before slowing dying away into more of a general NBA kinship. Through that timeline, any Blazers allegiance was left by the wayside.

However, I never retracted the right to be able to crank that support right back up when I wanted to. The time for that is now.

(Note: I'm not claiming to be a Portland fan, even if I do invoke The Shorts Clause as a defense of any such claim. Instead, I am an NBA fan. And right now, all NBA fans are Portland fans. Or at least, they should be.)

Everything is coming up Milhouse in Portland. (Giggidy.) The team has the best colelction of young talent in the league, and easily the best that I've ever seen. Not even the 2003 Denver Nuggets can rival these bad boys. Every position is three deep, with the only hole in their rotation being at starting small forward, and even there it's all relative, as the duo of Nicolas Batum and Martell Webster have plenty of talent between them.

(By the way, I'm calling it now. Channing Frye to sign with Memphis next summer. Evidence? I have no evidence. I need no evidence.)

Portland has flair, athleticism, passing, shooting, rebounding, shotblocking, creativity, fundamentals and Steve Blake. Forget being a team "for the future" - this is a team for both the present the future. Rather than sacrifice talent for excitement, Portland combines the two, particularly from the bench, which houses exciting little bunnies liek Sergio Rodriguez, Jerry D. Bayless, Travis Outlaw, Rudy Fernandez, and Joel "Streetball" Pryzbilla. This sheer depth also allows them to lose little when the starters come out of the game, especially on offense. If there's a mismatch somewhere on the opposing team, Portland has someone who can expose it.

There are some drawbacks, though. Portland's roster is so full of talent that it might not allow for players to fully develop, as the team offers at least two quality options at every position. Additionally, the core has shown to be rather injury prone at a young age, specifically Brandon Roy and Greg Oden, and financially, Portland will be on the hook for a lot of salary, particularly if the salary of Darius Miles is......

.........wait, what? What the hell am I saying? Those aren't important at all. And some of them aren't even real drawbacks. I just made them up. Jesus. Sorry. I think I felt obligated to be negative for a minute there, when it just wasn't necessary. This is nothing to feel bad about with Portland right now. The talent is stacked, the future is blinding, the owner will pay for it, and the fans are on alert.

*Puts on XXXL Rasheed Wallace jersey, bought for a staggeringly cheap price after Sheed's trade to Atlanta, even in spite of the fact that it's at least three X's too big for him. My re-allegiance is complete*

Let's embrace this.

Dude. It's Zach Randolph.

ESPN: Knicks suggest dealing Randolph to Memphis

The Knicks have a trade proposal on the table with the Memphis Grizzlies that would see Darko Milicic and Marko Jaric dealt to New York in exchange for Zach Randolph.

OK, I get it. I do. I really do.

"Here, take Zach Randolph! Take this extremely talented player who just so happens to play at your weakest position! Nooooooo, we don't want anything back! You just take him!"

I get that. When your job is to improve your team, and you are offered a highly talented basketball player for essentially free, it's a tough one to turn down. And Zach Randolph really is highly talented.

But he's also Zach Randolph. And therein lies the problem.

For all of Zach's talents, his play has never been efficient, sensible, or highly profitable. Just by playing him, you lose an untold amount on defense, something which Randolph simply cannot do. And for all his versatility and skill as an offensive player, Zach has never had the sense or awareness to fit into an offense efficiently - Randolph is a career .465 shooter starting his offense from increasingly near the three point line, and with an intense aversion to passing. Bear in mind, this is a man once berated for selfishness by former teammate, Nick Van Exel. And Nick Van Exel knows a thing or two about selfishness.

The problem is exacerbated when looking at Memphis's other big men. Out of Hamed Haddadi, Hakim Warrick, Darrell Arthur, Marc Gasol and Antoine Walker, who represents a good pairing for Zach? Who is the weakside shotblocker to counteract Zach's complete failure in that area? There's a bit there, mainly coming from Gasol, but there's not much. Additionally, if Marc Gasol is to start at centre - and it looks like he has to - then how do you pair him and Randolph on offense? Pairing Randolph with a man who plays within 3 feet of the rim at all times (Eddy Curry) went painfully badly last season, so how much different will it be with Gasol? How does Zach fit?

Take a wider look at the roster, and the same applies. The Memphis roster is a symposium of good young talent and veterans that they're stuck with. In Rudy Gay and Orange Juice Mayonnaise (readers note: that joke wasn't funny, nor mine), the Grizzlies have two talented young scorers, and a roster rounded out with complimentary athleticism, defensive versatility and scoring talent. However, outside shooting remains a concern, and there remains a big hole at power forward. There's also a big rebounding hole on a team that was outrebounded by 2.9 boards a game last year, good for only 25th in the league.

Now Zach Randolph is a power forward all right, and he's constantly armed with a good rebounding rate. But if anyone expects him to come in and be primarily a rebounder, in the role that David Lee refused to fill, then they're either eternally optimistic, or privy to some blackmail that the rest of us aren't. No one has been able to convince Zach Randolph that his future lies in the post for a while now, and a year under the stewardship of Isiah Thomas is not good news for any player who struggles to understand their limitations.

The current reported trade talk sees Memphis giving New York nothing more than Marko Jaric and Darko Milicic. That is something, at least. Milicic is a player who has failed to pan out for three teams, and Marko is someone Memphis didn't want in the first place. The two players combine to earn $35,860,000 over the next three years, and they represent the two worst contracts that the Grizzlies have. (Readers note: Antoine Walker's contract is longer and bigger, but it's also fully unguaranteed beyond this year. And that's why Memphis wanted it in the first place. Same with Greg Buckner, sort of.) The next three years of Zach Randolph will pay him $48 million, and the cap hold for the first two years will be only a minor increase over what Darko and Marko currently take up. The only significant cap hit comes in the 2010/11 season, where Randolph will earn $17,333,333 to Jaric's $7,625,000, with Milicic already expired. But, as the Grizzlies have only 5 players under contract at that time, that isn't relevant of right now. The cost of obtaining Randolph is as low as it can be: two mostly insignificant bench players, who also have the franchise's two largest contracts.

But is that minimal price still too much for Zach Randolph?

It's a high risk move, clearly. But it's only a high reward move if the Zach Randolph of 2006/07 turns up, the one who put up a flawed but sexy 24 points and 10 rebounds a game. The one who wasn't as bad as usual on defense. The one who stayed largely in the post. The one who didn't complain too much. The one who was in the best shape of his life. The one who produced. To make this trade worthwhile, Memphis needs that Randolph back. But even after such a career best season, Portland were willing to trade him for nothing. Portland would rather pay Steve Francis $30 million to not turn up,rather than have even the good version of Randolph back. Warning sirens aplenty. If they get this Zach Randolph back, then they will be trading for the highest paid non-All Star of all time, and making a $48 million investment in a painful player with a painful contract and a temperamental history.

Risky. Too risky.

Will we ever see the better Randolph again? I don't know the answer, and I don't know about this trade. I get it, but......dude.

It's Zach Randolph.

Game of the week number 2: Grizzlies vs Blazers

Bit late, but, whatever. I was busy. The game took place many days ago now, but dammit, I had taken all the notes and so I had to write them up, even if no one now cares. So here they are.


- It is partly a coincidence that I have the Blazers picked for the second straight week, but partly planned. This seemed like the most appetising game on the menu featuring two of my favourite teams, with youg talent oozing out of every orifice and the chance to get a fresh Casey Jacobsen fix. Win, lose or draw, I'm determined to enjoy myself. And given that I have mancrushes on about 20 of the players on show tonight, that should happen without me forcing it too much.

- Extremely early on, Mike Miller makes a sexy looking finger roll, and I'm happy. I think you should know that the excellence of Mike Miller is going to be a theme in this post, in spite of the fact that he played quite badly. Brian Cardinal will also feature heavily. Leave now if this offends you. By the way, my man crushes aren't exclusive to white people, as you will soon see.

- Damon Stoudamire is starting for the Grizzlies to begin this season, despite the two players behind him - Kyle Lowry and Mike Conley - being way better than him. It's an obvious showcase situation that just might work, for Damon looks to have a pep in his step that hasn't been seen since the day he put up 54 points and 0 rebounds as a Blazers. Hurtling towards 35, with 12 years of experience and some knee surgeries behind him, Damon looks to be catching a second wind of sorts. And that's a good thing. There will probably now be a trade made with him at the deadline. Quietly, I'm hoping that Boston is interested. It's not especially likely, but there's a chance that it could happen. And this might mean that Brian Cardinal and Brian Scalabrine wind up on the same team at the same time. Get excited, Memphis.

- Channing Frye, starting tonight for Portland, hits a 22 foot jumpshot. Two possessions later, he airballs a hookshot. I don't want to say Malik Allen, but he's headed that way, and it's depressing. He has so much more than that.

- In a high energy start to the game (which I was hoping for), there's a lot of coast to coastage going on. Martell Webster misses an easy fastbreak layup, the ball is down the other end of the court within about half a second, and Rudy Gay crushes home a dunk just like Webster should have done. This causes Blazers colour commentator Mike Rice to utter his first stupid comment of the day, remarking that Gay looked Pippen-like on that finish. Easy there, Mike. It was only an uncontested dunk.

- People have to stop calling Pau Gasol soft, you know. Half of his offensive possesions involve catching the ball at the elbow and clattering his way wildly towards the hoop, drawing fouls. That's not soft. It's ugly and a bit clumsy, but it's not soft. And it works. Let's disband the myth.

- Mike Rice calls Darko Milicic "Millisits", twice. More to follow.

- In what is currently a swishfest, Webster and Frye hit jumpshots as Portland takes a 9-6 lead, On another breakaway, Rudy Gay airballs a layup. Mike Rice doesn't mention Scottie Pippen this time.

- A few possessions later, Gay spins from the top, hangs in the air, hits the foul line jumpshot and draws a foul. Rice describes it as a "H.O.R.S.E. shot from the YMCA!". I only have one question - what actually IS a YMCA? I'm not very worldly, you see. I'm also highly influenced and seem to believe it's something to do with gay cowboys. Please help set me straight.

- Mike Rice just called Millisits "Darko". Good move. Probably best to put that whole surname thing to bed.

- I think I've found a reason why Memphis loses. They run very hard one way, and waddle the other. Yeah, that needs fixing.

- Portland head coach Nate McMillan is sporting a rakish if somewhat brave tie. Hats off to him. There's no need for the stoicism provided by most ties. Be daring. It's not a huge statement, but it's something.

- LaMarcus Aldridge blocks a Stoudamire layup attempt, caushing play by play commentator Mike Barrett to shout "don't bring that into LaMarcus Aldridge country". Unfortunately, he didn't say that, as he got distracted and tailed off towards the end, missing a syllable. You can guess which,

- Fresh from his Darko Millisits magic, Rice follows up by calling Gasol "Paul", which is something that I thought the whole NBA world had gotten over about 4 years ago. I sigh at this point.

- Marc Iavaroni has a hell of a forehead on him, it has to be said. He also has something of a profound neck going on there, and it's a good combination, even if it does make him look a bit like a librarian. Incidentally, speaking of awesome coaches foreheads, come join in the fun that is the "Draw things on Scott Skiles's forehead game. It's childish, but so am I.

- I love Mike Miller. But I don't think matching him up against Brandon Roy is going to be especially fair here. I hope I'm wrong.

- It's just occured to me that the arena in which Portland play is the Rose Garden, and that Lynn Anderson sung about such a thing all those years ago. So I've finally made the connection that the rest of the free world made about 25 years ago. Hooray!!

- Memphis is running a lot of post-up plays for Millisits, and three times already, Darko has gone left and made short hook shots. Why do so many post defenders let left handed players go left with ease? It made Othella Harrington's entire career, dammit. At some point you need to train yourself to know what's coming.

- Pau Gasol eats Aldridge alive on the defensive end, as LaMarcus doesn't challenge the shot in any way, but does manage to foul. For all of Aldridge's improved offense, this isn't the first time recently that his head isn't into it on defense. It's a shame because he's good at it. I hope he doesn't become like Rasheed Wallace. And the whole of Portland is probably hoping that too.

- In my notes, I have written down how Jarrett Jack has come into the game and gone straight to the shooting guard position with Brandon Roy running the point guard duties. However, in my rushed short hand, I've written only "Jack off", which needed to be shared. Thank God Rudy Gay's name wasn't in that note.

- This game is still fun. With three minutes lin the first, Memphis is leading 24-21. It's pretty fast stuff.

- Ghostface Przybilla checks into the game as McMillan tries to find a way of stopping Milicic and Gasol, who have scored freely inside. So that's now three of my favourite players of all time on the floor at once, with Miller, Gasol and Przybilla out there.

- Speaking of, in comes Casey Jacobsen. Awesome.

- Barrett reads out the stat that 22 of Memphis's first 26 points have come from in the paint, and you haven't needed to be watching very hard to believe him. Things have been rather pourous in there. Straight away after Przybilla enters the game, Mike Miller shoots a three and misses. Yeah, you're right to to be scared, Mike.

- Darko goes for another left handed hook, and misses qutie short on it. He was defended on the play by Joel Przybilla (obviously), whose strength and general brilliance made Darko take the shot from about 3 or 4 feet away from where he shot his earlier ones that he made. It's fair to say that Joel Przybilla is a game changer.

- Roy shoots a fadeaway, and misses, but the Blazers get the offensive rebound. I'll let you guess who did it. CLUE = It rhymes with Noel Przykilla.

- Does referee Jimmy Clark dye his hair or his eyebrows?


- Going up for a dunk, Przybilla gets partially blocked, and gets the ball wedged between the rim and the backboard. Strength, tenacity, persistence, ineptitude. The total Przybilla package, all yours for only $6 million a year. I want one.

- A three possession run sees Przybilla grab an offensive rebound, block a shot by Mike Conley, then grab another offensive rebound. I appreciate that the Przybilla talk may be getting annoying, but right now he's dominating this entire game and it's hard to not talk about him. I need a suitable distraction.

- Ah, there's one. Kyle Lowry enters the game. I'm a massive fan of Kyle Lowry, as everybody should be. He's the next Jason Kidd. Bollocks to Mike Conley. This now means that Memphis is sporting the perimeter trio of Lowry, Jacobsen and Miller, which makes me a truly happy bunny.

- Mike Barrett reminds us all that tonight is Greg Oden bobblehead night. Hmmm. Maybe they should have rescheduled that.

- During an advert break, an advert for Adidas or whoever it was comes on, and Dwyane Wade comes on, looking moody, then shouts "Der-WAAAAAAAYNE, WADE". I'm not sure how this helped advertise the product, nor how anyone could find it enthralling or otherwise. But hey ho, I'm just a cynical bastard.

- The same advert break cuts back just in time for us viewers to catch the last few seconds of the Dunking Elvises (Elvii?) trampoline spectacular slamball thing. It was awesome. I'd watch about an hour of that and the grin on my face would never waver. Make it an all-star event. Make the competitors wear fancy dress. Do this now.

- Memphis scores 6 quick points to stretch the lead out to 32-23. And at this point I've just noticed that Mike Conley, Tarence Kinsey, Hakim Warrick (injured) and Brian Cardinal aren't in the game, and haven't been at any point. Memphis, if you need help in rehoming any of those 4, get me a job as an NBA GM and I'll gladly assist.

- Mike Rice called Hakim Warrick "War Wig". There's plenty more from The Mike Rice Show to come, but as you may have gathered, I'm not a fan. This is because he is crap.

- Pau Gasol has 17 of Memphis's 32 points, coming on 8-9 shooting. I say this only to re-emphasis how sloppy Portland's interior defense has been so far. Paul is repeatedly going at Aldridge, and winning. Concern.

- Hey, Tarence Kinsey is in! Cool. I like Kinsey. But if any two players were going to get in ahead of him, then I'm glad it was Jacobsen and Miller.

- A Memphis offensive possession sees Casey Jacobsen stand in the corner with his arms up for 12 seconds, then running back on defense. This is why I love Casey Jacobsen and his one dimensional genius. He looked genuinely upset that he didn't get to shoot.

- Kyle Lowry is the next Jason Kidd. I've mentioned this before and I'll mention it again.

- As much as I like Mike Miller, he really could use a more heterosexual choice of headband.

- Right on cue, Mike Miller goes to posterise Joel Przybilla, going up strong for the dunk. There can only be one winner. And naturally, it's Joel Przybilla, as he meets Mikey at the top and blocks the ball away. A part of me dies watching this, but again, as above - if Miller's going to lose out to someone, then it would have to be Przybilla. It makes it all right.

- Memphis assistant coach Johnny Davis looks like the result of one of those image morphing websites, With this in mind, I used one such program and tried to restore Davis's head to that of a normal person. The results were, um, staggering.

Before:



After:


It didn't need to be done, but it has been, and it was educational.

- Memphis leads 40-28 at this moment, with only one turnover. They're playing crisply on offense and Portland is doing little about this, particularly on the inside as we have already covered. Annoyingly, Mike Rice is using every opportunity possible to spew forth bilious hate towards the rookie referee in charge of this game, whose name he chooses not to use, instead running with the term "the rookie ref". Rice seems to believe that all his calls are to be questioned because of who he is, and that he isn't worthy to call a foul on a Portland player. It's very annoying to say the least, and it's going to feature in upcoming stanzas. So read on, loyal viewer.

- Joel Przybilla blocks a Darko Milicic dunk. Like any other eventually was even possible.

- Mike Miller commits a foul, and protests it. Mike Barrett mentions how Mike Miller has "never committed a foul [in his own mind]", and Mike Rice likened Mike Miller's complaining to that of Tim "Mike" Duncan. This post isn't necessary, I just wanted to say Mike a lot. Mike Mikey Mike Mike.

- Conley enters the game, upping the Mike tally one further. Bizarrely but not exepectedly, he goes straight into the backcourt alongside Mike Lowry, who stays in the game. This has to make you think - despite Lowry being far from a sure thing, especially after such a short run last season, it's obvious to anyone that he's really good. He's a point guard of the future calibre prospect for this team. So why then did they draft another one at 4 this year, even if Mike Conley is really good? Do they foresee a situation in which the two can play a lot alongside each other, or do they want a T.J. Ford/Jose Calderon thing going on? Neither of those scenarios would be bad, but they aren't necessarily optimum use of assets. So we'll see how this plays out.

- Immediately, Conley breaks a full court press, glides past the defense (if that's what it's called) of Steve Blake, and draws an and-1 on Przybilla. Maybe that's why they drafted him, then.

- The rookie referee calls LaMarcus Aldridge for hooking as he made his move down low. Instantly, Mike Rice once again calls into question this referee's tenacity and reasons for being alive, condemning him spitefully and mercilessly. He ignores, of course, that it was actually a foul.

- Sideline reporter Rebecca Haarlow - who may or may not be fit, she's too silhouetted to really see - interviews the wife of Darius Miles about her upcoming child birth. In response to Haarlow's question of "what are you doing to get ready?", Brandi Miles replies "Praying", which seems odd. But it's not as odd as the Blazers actually acknowledging that Miles is still a part of the organisation. I can't say I saw that coming.

- LaMarcus Aldridge commits a charge on Kyle Lowry, but the charging foul is not called. Replays clearly show that it was a missed call by the referee, who just so happens to be the immortal "rookie ref". However, since this no-call went Portland's way, Mike Rice chooses to overlook his nemesis's decision this time. Quel suprise.

- Mike Conley penetrates the lane and kicks out to Kyle Lowry, who hits a three.

- Kyle Lowry penetrates the lane and kicks out to Mike Conley, who hits a three. Yeah, I always knew this pairing would work out. Memphis leads 57-43. At this moment, Casey Jacobsen subs in, clearly in it for some three point shooting while the getting's good.

- Mike Rice calls Darko Millisits "Millishits". I'd like that to have been Freudian, but it wasn't. He's just bad at commentating.

- Mike Conley continues to destroy Steve Blake, which is more of a damning statement about Blake than it is an endorsement for Conley. Sitll, he looks good.

- It's now halftime, Memphis are leading 61-49, and I opt to enjoy one of the major advantages of taped delayed games - I skip straight to the second half, ignoring the tedious half time show. Yup.

- Damon Stoudamire is back out on the floor to start the second half, and Mike Rice is quick to congratulate him on being Damon Stoudamire. He calls him "Super Mouse", "one of my favourites", and a man who "knows everything about the game, like Danny Ainge". Make your own jokes here. I'll just roll my eyes at the Super Mouse thing.

- Steve Blake, would you PLEASE let Brandon Roy touch the ball? I know you're officially the point guard, but Roy is a better one of those than you are.

- Channing Frye is also back into the game, and he airballs a layup after expecting to draw contact that never came. Thw window is closing on this guy, I tell you.

- On another post move, Darko Milicic finally goes right. It's an alien concept to him, and he travels.

- Mike Barrett makes a good point - is Mike Miller shutting down Brandon Roy? Roy certainly hasn't done much yet, and Miller has chased him relentlessly off the ball, showing unusually good lateral quickness. So maybe he is shutting him down. Or maybe Steve Blake is shutting Roy down. Or maybe Roy's just doing his first half passiveness routine. Or all three.

- Super Mouse successfully runs a pick and roll with Millishits, who dunks the ball. While running back on defense, he inexplicably slaps himself in the face. I can only think that this was a Darius Miles shoutout that went a bit wrong.

- The Blazers are running some kind of promotion called the Steal Of The Game or something, in which you buy tickets for 10 games, get an 11th one free, and also get two free basketballs. Something like that, anyway. As Barrett reads out the scripted promotion speech for about the third time tonight, Rice randomly intercepts with the sentence "did you see what 'Sheed in Detroit the other night?". Barrett politely answers "yes", then continues with the rest of the speech. Barrett is a competent if not great announcer, but Mike Rice is making him look wonderful, beause of how bad Rice himself is. It's the ol' Joe Morgan and Jon Miller scenario in an NBA setting.

- It feels like only 5 years ago that Raef LaFrentz was a valued commodity and one of the league's best young centers. This is because it was. Capable of 5 blocks and 5 three pointers in any given night, LaFrentz was hot shit, , even if he couldn't stay healthy. And yet now, not far down the line, the injuries have caught up with him and he's left as an incredibly expensive DNP-CD machine. Upsetting, really. I like the fella. And he also looks like the drummer out of Scouting For Girls, a band that you've never heard of, but who I'm publicising because I'm their friend and because I can. Buy their stuff. Do it now. And tell your friends.

- Brandon Roy steals the ball on back to back possessions, both of which lead to baskets. On the first trip he leads the break, and on the second he finishes it. This leads to Mike Barrett reading out the rather amazing statistic (if I heard him correctly) that Portland had only 3 steals all season up until tonight. That's such an anomaly that I might have simply misheard him. Naturally, I couldn't be arsed to look it up and be sure.

- Both of those steals came on errant passes from the high post by Pau Gasol, who then throws it away on a third straight possession before being bailed out by a foul call on Webster, the pass intercepter. Why Memphis is suddenly giving it to Pau in the high post, where he can't do much, instead of feeding him in the low post where he did so much damage earlier, is a bloody good question that no one seems to have asked. Memphis still leads, but the lead is cut to 63-59, and Portland has momentum.

- After a Steve Blake turnover, Mike Miller is blocked again on the ensuing break, this time by Webster. It leads to a fastbreak going the other way, which LaMarcus Aldridge finishes with an and-1. The momentum is still very much with Portland, and Brandon Roy is starting to take over the game, collapsing the defense at will and running the entire offense to great effect. Just one question - where was this in the first half?

- Mike Rice calls Kyle Lowry "Kyle Lorry". It's not an accent thing. He just can't say any names, it appears.

- Pau Gasol goes to the bench with 4 fouls. This is a good thing, because in comes Brian Cardinal. Woohooooo!! The run-stopper himself.

- Incdientally, while looking up the other day any nicknames Mike Miller may have, the only one that I could find for him was "Skinny". It's pretty apparent why he doesn't go by this any more, so we need to find Miller a new nickname. Apply within.

- Stromile Swift is also in, and almost immediately commits a turnover. People need to end the comparisons with him and Tyrus Thomas - apart from being athletic and from LSU, there's basically nothing to it. When Stromile can pass and dribble like Tyrus, let me know. Portland scores on the subsequent possession, and it's a one point game.

- At this point, Brian Cardinal takes and makes a no-doubt three from the corner. I told you he was a run stopper.

- On a post up, Cardinal goes to take the charge on Aldridge, falls, but doesn't get a call. Aldridge jumps over him, dunks, and then taunts the stricken Cardinal. Be careful there, champ. Brian Cardinals lash out when they get angry, and they can be a very volatile beast.

- Speaking of LaMarcus Aldridge, he's scoring a lot tonight, but a lot of it comes from opportunity baskets. This isn't a bad thing, for it shows good all around offense on Portland's part, particularly by Brandon Roy and good instincts of Aldridge's part. It's just worth nothing. He's continuing to prove, though, that he isn't nearly the one dimensional jumpshooting offensive player that his haters seem to pigeon hole him has. Basically I'm saying that he's not Channing Frye.

- On a call regarding the possession arrow after a strip, the rookie referee overrules the white-headed-dark-eyebrowed Jimmy Clark, giving possession to Portland instead of Memphis. Replays show that the rook was righ tto do this, as Clark got the call wrong. So, does Mike Rice credit the rookie ref, given that he achiueve the unlikely triple headeer of getting the call right, having the balls to overrule the old timer, and also give a decision in Portland's favour? Does he bollocks. Instead, he credits Clark for letting the rook overrule him. Sometimes you have to wonder if Rice believes in this misguided inflexible referee hierarchy thing that he seems to have invented. It sure looks that way.

- Mike Rice then promptly calls Steve Blake "Steve Beck". I'm picking a lot on Mike Rice here, but it's impossible not to. To coin a phrase, he's fucking shite.

- Stromile Swift does one of those statement blocks where instead of simply catching the ball or caroming it to a team mate, he swats it into the first row, allowing Portland to regain possession. Old dog, new tricks, and all that jazz.

- Travis Outlaw, quiet thus far, makes a nice finish on the break, also getting a foul shot courtesy of a Brian Cardinal foul. Mike Rice compares the finish by Outlaw to Jerry West. The comparison is valid, given that they have had similar careers. Well, sorta. One is on the NBA Logo recognised by millions and weas thie shit both as a player and a GM, and one backs up Channing Frye. But essentially they are equals.

-

Not sure what I was trying to say here.

By the way, you know how women seem to love it when men have good handwriting? Well, I'm single. I think my handwriting reflects this.

- I truly appreciate Jarrett Jack's eyebrows. That is all.

- Stromile Swift commits an offensive foul as Przybilla takes charge. Mike Rice chooses that moment to heavily compliment the rookie ref for making the call. Wow. That was unexpected.

- On the ensuing possession, the rookie ref calls Travis Outlaw for a travel. Rice's comment: "I thought he [the ref] was improving". Again, the fact that the correct call was made gets overlooked. And I really don't think Rice said that with any hint of irony in his voice.

- We're treated to more Dunking Elvis action, and I'm still loving it. This should take place in the backround at all games at all times. I'm sold.

- Mike Rice asks the players of both teams to "bump and grind more". 'K.

- Cardinal turns down a wide (as in wiiiiiiiiide) open three, favouring the one-pass-too-many option instead. Apparently Brian Cardinals as a species don't get angry after all, but rather, they curl up into a ball like hedgehogs and wither. That's a shame.

- Darko Milicic is fouled on a missed layup, his fifth missed layup/dunk of the night. Mike Barrett - not deadpanning, just incorrect - mentions that Milicic has "been playing well tonight". A rare slip from Barrett, who is still being elevated to legendary status purely because of the inane sod next to him.

- This is the first game I've ever watched Mike Conley play. And I think I've gotten a pretty accurate scouting report on him - he's going left. Always.

- The game is tied at 79 after a Martell Webster three, one opened up from Brandon Roy once again collapsing the defense. Part way through last season, there were rumours about Brandon Roy playing point guard full time. These rumours were quickly shot down, and the signing of Steve Blake to go with Jarrett Jack and Sergio Rodriguez, as well as the drafting of Petteri Koponen and Taurean Green, seem to support the idea that it's not going to happen. However, given how good he is at it, it bloody well should. Or at least, they should bring in a high quality shooter and good defnsive player to play alongside him. Beck isn't it, and while Jack might be one day, he probably won't be. Ideas on a postcard please.

- Mike Rice double whammy - after Martell Grand National makes a defensive stop, Rice says "one time, you could make that play against Martell Webster, but not now in 207", and then calls Kyle Lowry "Lorry" for the second time. Both are seemingly meaningless slip-ups, but they are part of a long pattern of cock-ups that Rice has produced tonight. It's made weirder by the way that 8 words after calling him Lorry, and still in the same sentence, Rice manages to then get his name right. Strange times.

- I swear to God "Dude Looks Like A Lady" just played when Mike Miller was shooting a free throw.

- Mike Barrett comment during a Milicic miss - "inside to Darko, who hasn't scored in.....a couple of years". See, Mike Rice, that's how it's done. With good flow, correct names and some articulation, Barrett has managed to both make a funny and undo his previous mistake. Learn from this, and spend more than 8 seconds on your pre-game notes. If you took any.

- Darko is subbed out for Gasol, and pounds his chest on the way to the bench. This, plus the face slappage thing, make me believe that he's a bit of a masochist. Kinky.

- Straight away after the 4 foul Gasol re-enters, Portland goes straight at him, and LaMarcus Aldridge goes up with the left hand and finishes over him. Portland now leads 86-84 after trailing for most of the game, and they have nullified any consistent Memphis threat in the second half. Memphis haven't really had a plan, which hasn't helped. They've also slowed the pace right down after the earlier high tempo game was working for them, and this has played into Portland's hands. A Jarrett Jack three pointer makes it 89-84 to Portland.

- At this moment, the rookie referee calls an offensive three second violation on a Memphis player whose name I forgot to write down. Mike Rice treats this call with utter disdain, exclaiming "how can he call that?!?!?", citing the close end-game circumstance as his defense. He may have the vague outlines of a point had the offensive player not been there for nearer 14 seconds than three. Rice's hate for the rookie is renewed, as is mine for Rice. By the way, when I was aged 5, I ate a plate of rice and cabbage one day at school, and was then sick over my plate. I haven't deliberately eaten rice or cabbage since. True story. Dull story.

- "It must the the fourth quarter, for Brandon Roy has the ball in the middle". This observation by one of the Mike's At The Mikes is accurate, yet irritating - it doesn't need to be this way. Roy drives the lane, scores the bucket and a foul on Pau, misses the free throw, grabs his own offensive rebound, and makes a jumpshot from the wing. In case I haven't mentioned this before, Brandon Roy is the shit. Not shit, but THE shit.

- Jarrett Jack is having a good fourth quarter, and is now up to 14 points for the game after making a tough banker. I don't get why people underrate him so much, or why Portland seems so set to replace him. He's a nice player to have. Portland leads 95-90.

- Both teams have gone away from any kind of offensive strategy, and Brandon Roy and Roy gay take it in turns to isolate on every possession. Gay is quietly having a teriffic night with 30 points, but Portland has Roy, the edge, the home crowd and the momentum. Despite it being a close game with time left, you can't foresee Memphis winning it any more. Portland has just stepped up and taken it.

- On cue, Kyle Lowry grabs an offensive rebound and makes a putback with an and-1 possibility. Rice calls him "Mr Two Possession", the first Rice comment that I've agreed with. Watch Kyle Lowry destroy Dave Berri's Wages Of Wins ranking next season. It's going to happen.

- Jarrett Jack makes another three. Memphis has resumed a running game, pushing the ball on Portland makes like they did early to great effect, but it's a bit futile now, as Portland takes an insurmountable lead. Jack follows up his three with his third circus layup of the game, although it is wrongly waved off in favour of two free throws, both of which he makes.

- The final minute of the game is a free throw shooting contest, as Memphis tries in vain to close a near double digit Portland lead. Kyle Lowry misses two free throws as Portland makes theirs, helped out by a lane violation by a Memphis player with 22 seconds left (Mike Rice doesn't question the call, obviously). Portland closes out the game in a professional taking-care-of-business kind of way, and the better team won. The talent on show in this game was awesome, but Portland are that much further along in their development.

It's a game which, if you didn't watch it, you should have done. These two teams won't compete for anything this year, but they are two of the best young lineups in the league, both of whom know how to get out and run, making for exciting basketball. The fact that so many of my favourite white stiffs were on show as well was always a bonus. The game had something for everybody, and everything for somebody.

That somebody was me. I had a great time. I'd better go and write week three's game now.

Opening night - Spurs vs Blazers

I intend to have a "Game Of The Week" type thing going, in which I watch a game and write a load of shit about it in a vaguely diary-esque way. Just like the previous Minnesota vs Boston preseason game blog post thing. So here's number 1 - the opening game of opening night, which just so happened to be on TV over here.


- I didn't take many notes for the opening of the first quarter, because I couldn't be bothered. I was first spurred (ooh, look at that pun) into note-taking action after Matt Bonner made a tough pump fake layup. These are the things that get me going. That, and eating chips.

- Darius Washington making the Spurs roster (and the rotation for now) is a good story that bodes well for many wannabe's out there. Washington, a very talented player, was undrafted out of college, mainly because he didn't "get it". He spent a year in Europe, where he "got it", and is now playing meaningful minutes on the closest thing to a dynasty that this decade has brought us. It's a nice story. But Darius undermines any plaudits that may be sent his way by sporting the completely unnecessary shaven-head-full-beard look. Only once in the history of human life has that looked ever truly worked, and that was when it was rocked by James L. Avery, who played the part of Philip Banks in the Fresh Prince Of Bel Air. Darius Washington is not Philip Banks. It's not even close. I don't so much suggest change here as I do demand it. Sort it out, D-Wash. Then I'll learn to like you.

- It's about as small of a sample size as is possible, but in the first quarter, it didn't take long to become apparent that when Steve Blake was in the game, Brandon Roy never got to touch the ball. I thought that we were to believe that the main reason for the Zach Randolph trade was to get more touches for Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge (amongst other things), and to make Bill Simmons's Ewing Theory completely redoubtable. Yet now they're playing keep-away from Roy. Eh? That's it, those first three minutes of the season have completely undermined the trade for me. (There is the Bruce Bowen factor to consider, but more on this later.)

- Joel Przybilla - who is my homeboy whether he knows this or not - goes up strong for a dunk off a broken play. Mike Fratello, commentating, congratulates Joel for going up strong in this way, and for not trying to make a finesse play. Personally, I think Joel Przybilla's finesse plays are the most entertaining of all. But again, more on this later.

- Marv Albert, also commentating, greets a James Jones rebound with the phrase "and the Pacers invasion continues!". Errr, who else are you referring to? Reggie Miller? Didn't understand this bit.

- Travis Outlaw comes into the game, and instantly shows the better offensive understanding that was the key to his breakout season last season. He doesn't flit about awkwardly any more, getting in the way. He gets the ball in good positions, gets into better ones, and takes his kind of shots. It's a good thing. Maybe you can learn basketball IQ, if only slightly. Joey Graham, take note.

- Almost all commentaries on the Spurs, professionally or otherwise, seem to involve the wild overrating of Spurs point guard Tony Parker. And in addition to that, everyone seems to wildly underrate Manu Ginobili. Even his coach seems to do so, playing him considerably less minutes than his peers. Maybe Michael Finley needs his unfair share of shots, or else he quits or something, I don't know. But either way, Ginobili has to be regarded as one of the most skilled guards in the game. Do you take him over his comparative rivals such as Ray Allen, Michael Redd or Joe Johnson? You probably wouldn't, but you should. And it seems strange. There's very little Ginobili can't do, but it goes largely unheralded. I guess there really is a starters bias in this league after all.

- A Portland substitution brings Sergio Rodriguez in to play at guard slongside Steve Blake. This should be a fun pairing, on both ends.

- Sure enough, almost immediately, a San Antonio miss leads to Rodriguez hurrying the ball up way too quickly, almost losing the dribble twice against mild pressure, then throwing an insanely difficult cross skip pass to Blake, who takes a three pointer in a 2 on 5 situation and makes it. Good fun. Ill-advised, but good fun. I also look forward to watching Steve Blake defend Manu Ginobili today.

- Speaking of Steve Blake, have you ever worked with a gormless white guy with a sagging lower jaw and a look of general apathy across his face at all times? I have. About 35 of them, at various times in my life. And they all look like Steve Blake.

- Rodriguez makes another crazily hurried play, seemingly playing to an 8 second shot clock when everyone else is using the usual 24. This time it is less successful, and results in a turnover. He should go to the D-League this uear, you know.

- Travis Outlaw's mid range game continues to impress. He could use a few more feet of range, but as a defender, you have to respect his ridiculously good athleticism and play off of him. Outlaw has learnt how to use that to his advantage, creating spacing off the dribble for open jumpshots. And these days he hits them, too. I really like the fella. I'd like to buy him dinner.

- Matt Bonner is growing his hair out a bit. Good.

- OK, I've missed a news story here - Robert Horry isn't playing today due to a "leave of absence to attend undisclosed family matters".......yet he's sitting behind the bench? I don't get that. Doesn't really seem like a leave of absence there. They could just credit him with a DNP-CD if that's what it's about, I'm sure he won't be ashamed. Or did the Yahoo! Spors boxscore incident of last year make them invent a cover story for his non-appearance in this game? Someone answer this.

- Outlaw, creating spacing for the jumpshot once again, hits a beautiful step back from about 20 feet. Epicness.

- Darius Washington is called for palming the ball on a fast break. The camera pans to Washington walking away in disgust. Washington emphatically mouths the word "fuck". That was fun. But he still needs to shave it off. As do I.

- It's the end of the first quarter now, and Five - the TV channel that did the aforementioned Minnesota vs Boston preseason game coverage - is doing a 7 minute long feature briefly recapping that game. Ironically, Ricky Davis and Juwan Howard are getting a good 95% of the Timberwolves highlights from that game, now both departed. And it was Howard who did the crowd introduction to that game, as the Timberwolves's spokesperson of sorts. Strange times, Either way, Five is including clips of all the courtside interviews they did in that game (see earlier blog entry for explanation of that reference), and it's annoying me once again. So let's move on.

- At the end of the above feature, there's a small snippet of Ray Allen's press conference after that game, in which he describes the Mexican Wave that took place during the game, and said "this is the NBA right here". Well, no, it's not. But that's a shame. It should be. Cut out the pointless music and "rousing" crowd chants, and let them make their own entertainment. They may pay more attention to the game if you let that happen, and might have a better time as a result. Just me thinking outloud here.

- Finally, at the end of that feature, Kevin Garnett mentions how he "didn't want to be singled out" during that game, as the 'big name'. Well, that was sort of inevitable Kevin, given that you're the only person anyone here has ever heard of. Also, you go by the nickname "Big Ticket", so don't front like you don't enjoy it.

- Brent Barry is a truly lovable legend, and I'm totally enjoying this career second wind he's been enjoying over the last 18 months or so. Tonight, he's running the point, taking his usual nonchalant three pointers, and just generally being great. This man isn't done yet. Who dislikes Brent Barry? Surely it's nobody? Chicago fans might disagree after his "can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit" comments from several years ago, but I'm a Chicago fan and I couldn't give a stuff. He was right, after all.

- Hang on, who is that Blazers player with absolutely enormous locks? By process of elimination it has to be Taurean Green or Josh McRoberts, but last I saw of them, one was sorta bald and one was whiter than white. So who was it? I need an answer on that.

- Outlaw shoots an airball. Maybe I should cut down on the earlier rhetoric.

- Ginobili goes behind the back again, this time for a pass. He's gone behind the back for either a dribble or a pass about 6 times already tonight, and it's been effective every time. Michael Redd couldn't do that. Nope.

- On the next trip down, Ginobili hits a step back jumpshot. So now he can also match Michael Redd's strengths, too. I'm not sure why I've lapsed into pushing this Ginobili vs Redd comparison here, but never mind.

- A Blazers guard finds Travis Outlaw for a reverse alleyoop. Travis did one of those barely-makes-an-effort dunks of his. He's got to be the best leaper in the game. Got to be. Even Tyrus Thomas would agree.

- And, on the very next trip down, Outlaw catches a pass that was intended for a team mate but he got in the way, then rushes trying to pass it on to them and throws it away. So I guess he hasn't completely gotten rid of his Joey Grahamness yet.

- You know that rule which says that the possession arrow changes when the ball hits a shot clock? Why is that? It's just a natural carom, these things happen. It hardly toys with the purity of the game.

- Someone please get Brandon Roy some bloody touches. Using him as a decoy and letting Przybilla handle the majority of the offense is a nice plan, but you're 39-32 down. So let your best player start doing some stuff now.

- San Antonio's offense is so perfectly synchronised, and this is only opening night. Admittedly Portland's shabby defense is making it easier for them (especially on the interior, where LaMarcus Aldridge isn't even trying on defense today), but it just goes to show what, good coaching, good veterans and a whole load of team continuity can provide. Particularly the last one.

- Portland is pushing the ball a lot tonight, and often with more effectivenevess that Sergio Rodriguez brought them earlier. It's good to see. They should do this all the time. with all the insane athleticism their roster provides.

- As much as I love Joel Przybilla (and that's a lot, as you'll soon see), I wonder how much Portland right now is regretting giving him that big of a contract. Whenever people wax lyrical about Kevin Pritchard's moves, they need ot bear this one in mind too. It was a bit overzealous. (Actually, screw it, we'll blame John Nash. He was still technically in charge at the time, even if the pro-Pritchard faction will happily tell you about how much Pritchard was in control last summer.)

- The score is 49-37 in favour of San Antonio after only 18 minutes of play, largely because of Portland's lack of getting back on defense. Apparently their desire to get out and run only applies to one end.

- A Five caption during a timeout flashes up the Spurs offseason movement thusly: "Added - Vassilis Spanoulis and Tiago Splitter". God damn it. I need a consultancy job or something. I'll do it for free if you must.

- To add to that, the immortal Andre Alleyne (again, see the previous blog post) decides to offer his insight into San Antonio's offseason. Quite clearly making it up on the spot based on what he can read off of the graphic, Alleyne offers up the insightful comment that is "Luis Scola really didn't play much [for San Antonio] last year". Thank you Andre. Actually, fuck the consultancy job, I'll take in-studio analyst, thanks.

- After a timeout, Brandon Roy brings the ball up for the first time all night, as Nate McMillan looks to have imposed a team wide mandate to actually let him touch the bloody ball. Within three seconds, Roy throws the ball away when facing a simple bit of pressure defense. Hmmmm. Way to support my theory there Brandon.

- I've written the phrase "Duncan not declined" in my notes at this point, and I have no idea what I meant by that. I'm not sure if that's what I even wrote, my handwriting is that bad. But, speaking of my notes, here's an accompanying picture that I drew of Manu Ginobili to pass the time:


I'm not sure why he's wearing the number 21, or why he's squinting so much. But there it is. Incidentally, for A-Level Art, you had to get 200 marks out of 600 for the minimum possible pass, and I got 201. I think it shows.

- LaMarcus Aldridge is doing a pretty good impression of Tim Duncan tonight on offense, hitting face-up jumpshots, hook shots, posting up pretty frequently and popping open for baseline looks (OK, so that bit's not particularly Duncan like, but you get the idea). It's a shame that he's so completely absent on the other end tonight. It's uncharacteristic, and a bit lame.

- Brandon Roy commits a turnover on a post up play. He's definitely a big net negative so far.

- In a discussion amongst the commentators concerning Tim Duncan's 2 year and $40 million extension announced that morning, Fratello and Reggie harp on lyrically about Tim Duncan's selflessness, his desire to "put the team first", and how gallant it was of him to"leave so much money on the table". They neglect to mention that only one player - Kevin Garnett - is earning more than $20 million this season. Still, it's nice to be nice, eh?

- Oh wait, I get it now! What I meant by "Duncan not declined" is that Tim Duncan's game hasn't declined any since his "hey day" of about 5 years ago. There, there's some incisive follow up commentary for you.

- Martell Webster hits an Outlaw-esque step back jumpshot, which would have been just that much more awesome if Portland wasn't down 16 at the time. Still, this boy also looks to have come a long way from his previous awkward and limited self, and maybe Portland's wildly overblown small forward 'problem' has resolved itself between those two. Darius Miles, you can continue to stay away from the team for as long as you like.

- You know, in spite of Portland being down 16, this doesn't feel like a blowout, nor nearly as one sided as the scoreline suggests. Portland's playing very well, apart from Brandon Roy. It's just that San Antonio is that much better, firing on all cylinders straight off the bat. Hey, back to back shitty cliches! Bonus point for that.

- Mano Ginobili's bald spot is coming along something fierce. I have to include that in any future Ginobili drawings.

- JOEL PRZBYILLA HITS A STEP BACK JUMPSHOT!! How about that! That was awesome. However, it angered me slightly, in that Marv Albert's commentary barely acknowledged it, as he was busy talking about something uninteresting such as Kobe Bryant trade rumours or something. The tosser. Give the people what they want - overzealous ramblings about Joel Przybilla's fleeting moments of genius. It's for the good of the game. (Joel has 8 points now, for those keeping score at home. Which I assume to be all of you.)

- I've concluded that Brandon Roy's current 0-4 with multiple turnovers performance is largely due to the constant harassment bequeathed to him by Bruce Bowen tonight. You can say what you like about Bruce, and you can make it bad. But there's one constant - he really is quite good at ruining other player's entire evenings.

- On the other end, Roy takes a charge from Manu Ginobili, thus successfuly becoming the first Portland defender all night to realise that Manu is always going to go left, since he's left handed and that. Roy then turns it over on the ensuing possession. He's still really not cooking tonight, whatever that metaphor means.

- Three times in the span of a few minutes, the camera cuts to a shot of a man in the crowd talking on his phone. If it's a famous person, then I don't know who it is, and neither does the commentary team as they let it pass without ever explaining who it was. Strange exchange. Maybe they should just stick to the "randomly film beautiful women in the crowd" mainstay of all sports programming. Man, do I want that job.

- At half time (yes, we're only half way through), Cheryl Miller interviews Tony Parker (who, I've just noticed, has a nose that could double as a ski jump for a headlice). The interview is typically pointless, but ends with a very awkward pair of parting gestures - Miller touches Parker's breast, who responds with a slow but graceful rub of her arse on his way down the tunnel (so to speak). Very sexual moment there. Eva Longoria will now probably kill Cheryl Miller.

- I didn't catch much of the half time show, for I go and eat some breakfast cereal instead, only to spend much of my time clearing up a fresh dog shit. I do see, though, that Five is running on of their obligatory Luol Deng segments, as they do during every broadcast that they ever make. Tonight, it takes the form of an interview with the man himself, in which such unimportant matters as Luol's favourite films are discussed. In it, Luol utters the quote "some of us [Bulls players] will improve in the post", when asked to counter the quesiton of whether the Bulls could win the Eastern Conference without a post scorer (oooh, that old chestnut). I was trying to think of a snide comment to the effect of "yes, well, that had better be you, then", but I couldn't, for I was overhwlemed by how much Deng resemslbes Dikembe Mutombo from the side-on. It was bizarre. They look related. Given how much sexing Mutombo has done in the past - allegedly - as well as the distinct age gap, maybe Mutombo is his father. Wouldn't be too far fetched, would it? (Apologies to Luol's real father, just thinking outloud. Not trying to slander.)

- Also, for those who love to harp on about the English-have-shit-teeth stereotype, take a look at Luol Deng's gnashers. Perfectly clean, perfectly straight. Tell 'em Luol, that's how we roll over here. Fuck tha haterz. Bow wow! (Um, what am I saying.)

- Deng is also wearing the number 70 on a non-descript basketball jersey for some reason, and his biceps look noticably bigger than ever before. I discipline myself internally for even making that worryingly homoerotic observation. But then, isn't all NBA basketball just a massive gay fest anyway? We talk about penetration all the time, ball movement, length and muscle, etc......it's all gay anyway. Insert your own John Amaechi or Tim Hardaway reference.

- There's not been a single advert break during this game so far. I appreciate that this is an alien concept to my American and Oriental readers, but it's definitely one worth pursuing. It makes the whole thing far more watchable. So well done Five, for a change.

- Starting the second half not, and Brandon Roy is dominating the ball, making a shitload of passes, most of which fall into the "good" category. He doesn't get many assists (he ends the game with only 6), but he facilitates the entire offense with ease, and could have had a good many more if they did half-points like in ice hockey. It's worth noting if only to reinforce the idea that you can help your team even when your own scoring output is letting you down.

- Joel Przybilla is now 4 for 4 from the free throw line tonight, after going 10 for 27 from there all of last season. Additionally, his free throw stroke is actually looking good, apart from the unnecessary way he holds it outside of his body before going up. He has 10 points on the night thus far - is it a more damning indictment on me or Joel that this fact made me feel compelled to look and see if this was a career high for him? (It wasn't, by the way.)

- On the very next possession, Portland runs a post up for Przybilla, which makes me as happy as you'd expect. Joel ends up shooting a lefty sky hook, that very nearly goes in. It's probably best that it didn't, or I might have strained something in my subsequent celebrations.

- And on the possession after that, Ghostface Przybilla commits an offensive foul while setting a screen. Heh. Sham, meet the Earth.

- Brandon Roy isolates Tim Duncan on a switch, and finally takes a shot, a fallaway over him. He makes it, and finally gets on the scoreboard. Although why he didn't drive I'll never know. He has on all other possessions.

- Maurice Lucas = Cleveland Brown from Family Guy?

- On another isolation, Brandon Roy again isolates on the wing, again drives to the rim, and again spurns a layup for a handoff. But it's OK, because he fed Przybilla under the rim, who drew two foul shots that he split. He continues to bear down on that 20 point barrier, elusive so far in his career. Give the man shots dammit.

- Reggie Miller quote: "I never like to see big men taking charges". Youc an probably see where my follow-up comment is going to be here.

- LaMarcus Aldridge has been stlyin' all over the Spurs defense all day, and it's somewhat because of the fact that Fabricio Oberto and Francisco Elson have been defending him all night. If you ever wanted to know why it is that Tim Duncan has never won a Defensive Player Of The Year award.......this is why. Although it doesn;t explain why Joel Przybilla is going off quite as much as he is.

- When Duncan does that thing where he catches the ball from about 18 feet out and then fakes to drive before waiting two seconds and putting up a jumpshot, have you EVER seen him fake the drive and then actually go to the rim afterwards? I haven't. Not in 10 years. So if he fakes, he's taking a jumpshot. So let him fake, then get closer. Trust me on this one, defenders.

- Przybilla makes a tip dunk. Best day ever, for both me and him. But mainly me.

- Francisco Elson drives down a wide open Portland painted area, goes up for the power dunk, and back rims it. On the ensuring fastbreak, Aldridge goes for the same dunk, and makes it. No asanine comment is needed from me here. There never is when someone misses an open dunk. They know what they did.

- Andre Alleyne quote: "No one on the Spurs is a superstar". Right. I'm going to write that down, actually. It's worth knowing.

- Wow, it's actually a 3 point game after that Webster three pointer. I hadn't noticted. Go Portland!

- Right on cue, Barry doubles the margin with a three pointer. I reinstate my earlier Brent Barry comments, particularly the ones about him being a ledge.

- Brandon Roy has started to take over for Portland despite having scored only 5 total points. He is collapsing the Spurs defense singlehandedly and making players like Aldridge and Webster look terrific, given them open shot after open shot. I'll say this for the record - Brandon Roy is really good. Even in a bad game for him such as this one.

- At the start of th e fourth quarter, during another Kobe Bryant discussion, Reggie Miller advocates Chicago gutting their team to acquire Kobe with the justification that it will "put people in the seats". Just so's you know, Reggie has a history of not liking the Chicago Bulls, which apparently continues to this day.

- Martell Webster = Most Improved Player candidate. Book it.

- After a Ginobili dunk, Reggie screams the phrase "OUTTA THEIR SEATS!!" twice, back to back. He is sooooooooooo bad at commentating. I think this needs saying.

- Despite only having a decent stat line, Ginobili is showing the full repetoire tonight. He's dishing, shooting, making hook shots, dunking, rebounding, and looking vaguely interested in defense, combining both flair with controlled aggression, and just generally being sublime. I'm a fan of his, in case you couldn't tell.

- Hey LaMarcus: you're a great all-around offensive talent, but you've really got to draw more free throws. It's good that you're playing inside more, and you an definitely finish in there. But you have to sell the fakes more. It'll do wonders for you and your teams scoring efficiency. Oh, and please give a shit about rebounding again. Oh, and please try a bit harder to do something about San Antonio's huge points in the paint total tonight. Aldridge is unusually dismal on all aspects of defense tonight.

- This has been, by all accounts (other than this one), a fast paced and highly entertaining game. I figured that I should mention this having offered up very little in terms of chronologically correct game analysis so far. Just so that you know, we've nearly finished. And San Antonio is still winning.

- Steve Blake isolates Matt Bonner, and then doe snothing with it, shooting and missing a three pointer. Immediately after this, Tony Parker schools Blake on defense for about the 17th time tonight, getting to the rim completely unchallenged by Steve, who can't seem to stop being turned around. Not a fair matchup here.

- In case I haven't shown enough Webste rlove yet, I'd just like to say that his jumpshot is pure sex. That is all.

- Matt Bonner makes another tough completely uncharacteristic layup, and we've come full circle. The game isn't over, and Portland is still within 8 points which is inot insurmountable. But San Antonio doesn't look threatened, and nor should they. Offensively, they've gotten whatever they've wanted basically all night. And that's not changing any time soon.

- Joel Przybilla makes a dribble handoff to Martell Webster, who takes and makes another jumpshot. Some would say that Przybilla is a bad offensive player, but I would prefer to use the term "untapped". It's wrong, but I'd prefer to use it anyway.

- Steve Blake's defense tonight has involved looking around aimlessly, completely lost, coming both when he's guarding a player with the ball or when trying to find his man off the ball. It's, um, a bit embarassing.

- Aldridge finishes up the night with 27 points and the focus of the boxscores from Portland's perspective, but it's worth highlighting once again quite how much of his offense came as a result of good team offensive execution (to use a Steve Kerr-ism). That's not a bad thing, just a bit of context. He's an extremely accomplished finisher already, though. Be excited.

- Final score, 102-95 San Antonio. San An put on an offensive clinic tonight, looking in championship form almost immediately with very little rust to burn off. But Portland hung with them despite being a more disjointed unit, which is a tribute to just how much talent they have right now. Two fun teams playing high calibre basketball. A good opener for the season for a league reeling from an intesnely bad/weird offseason.



I'm going to enjoy both of these teams this year. Enjoy them with me, right here, on Five. (Sorry, just practicing for when I get Alleyne's job. It's going to happen Believe dat.)

Why aren't NBA players loyal?

(Editor's note - season preview series will continue soon. I just can't be arsed with it right now. And besides, I'll only go and write something very long about one team just to find that they make a major trade immediately afterwards. It's inevitable. Sod's law, they call it.)



Why aren't NBA players loyal to their teams, such as how the fans are, and such as how the fans think that they should be?

Ask Fred Jones.

Jonesy signed with Toronto for 3 years and $9.9 million in July 2006, as a part of the Raptors' cap room spendage that season. The third year of the contract was a player option year, for $3.5 million.

Upon being traded in February of this year to Portland in exchange for Juan Dixon, Jones agreed to forego his player option year as a part of the trade, a decision that, once made, cannot be recanted. Jones explained his acceptance to do this as such:

"From seeing the team, knowing some of the players and knowing the direction they're headed, I was more than happy to be a part of it".

Bless him. How sweet. Such gallantry and chivallry will serve him well in future life.

Apparently, though, they aren't good traits in this here NBA game. For it was barely four months later that Portland traded him once again, this time to New York as a part of the multi player Zach Randolph deal. Still currently in New York, Jones is faced with the very real possibility of being waived by the Knicks, due to their present roster spots crunch and their desire to keep both Jared Jordan and Demetris Nichols. Jones was only included in the deal for his expiring contract, as was Dan Dickau - Dickau has already been waived, which doesn't bode well for Jones. And if Jones does wind up getting waived, training camps have begun and most teams have full rosters. Barring a stroke of luck, the earliest return Fred would be looking at would be in early 2008.

The irony is that Jones' contract would not have even been expiring, had he not declined the player option 16 months before he needed to make a decision.

So Fred's loyal move towards the Blazers, giving up a year of multi million salary and a year of almost-certain employment just to be able to join them, has now left him perilously close to a situation in which he could be out of the league altogether, only 16 months after signing a three year deal.

Wouldn't happen in the real world, let me tell you.

And that's why the players are loyal to themselves first and truly foremost. Fred turned down $3.5 million in an act of charity, yet now, if worst comes to the worst, he won't even earn $100,000 in the D-League next season, should he get stuck there.

Poor bastard, in both senses of the word "poor".