Blazers sign Anthony Tolliver, Heat waive Shavlik Randolph

After suffering their ten millionth injury, the Portland Trail Blazers were granted a roster exemption by the NBA, enabling them to sign a 16th player. They used it to sign Anthony Tolliver from the Idaho Stampede, who was arguably the best big man in the D-League. If you can really call him a big man, that is.

Tolliver played as an undersized centre in college, but is somewhat undersized for even the ower forward position in the NBA, let alone centre. To counter this, Tolliver has developed a good outside jumpshot throughout his professional career, and it is now his calling card. Tolliver played some for the Spurs last season, but his jumpshot picked a bad month for a vacation, and he was waived before the contract guarantee date. He spent the rest of the year split between the D-League and Turkey.

I don't know why the Blazers felt that they needed a slightly small face-up power forward particularly badly, given that two of their healthy 9 players are Dante Cunningham and Juwan Howard, who are much the same player if with slightly less jumpshot range. Some more conventional size might have been a better option for a team that currently only has Joel Przybilla at centre, in which ranks last in the NBA in points in the paint. But the Blazers also worked out Chris Richard and Courtney Sims for the spot, and yet clearly decided that Tolliver was the best. And BPA is almost always a good policy.

Inevitably, though, it will all be for nought, and Tolliver himself will probably get some kind of arse compression injury from sitting on the bench for so long.

(By the way, if any Blazers fans were wondering if Tolliver was eligible to be re-assigned to the D-League at any point; he isn't. Tolliver was on the Cavaliers roster for the first 36 hours of the 2007/08 season, and that tiny amount is enough to count as a year of NBA experience, even though he didn't play a single minute. Therefore, A-Toll has two years of NBA experience, which makes him ineligible for an already impossibly unlikely assignment. The extra year of experience also means he's going to get paid more, so that's good.)

(Oh, and if you sign two guys like Jeff Pendergraph and Patrick Mills, who are already injured when you sign them are are expected to miss lengthy amounts of time, league wide sympathy for your injury crisis is reduced slightly.)

Additionally, the Miami Heat waived Shavlik Randolph. The tax paying team had clearly realised that they were paying an unnecessary large amount of money for a player with a on-guaranteed contract to sit on the inactive list, so they waived him and plugged the dam. Until that moment, Randolph had been on an NBA roster every day since leaving Duke early in 2005. He went undrafted, but after three full seasons with the Sixers and one with the Blazers, he'd garnered four years of NBA experience and a few million dollars, being paid a good amount of money to get injured a lot and play very little. So it's not as though leaving early worked out badly.

Where Are They Now: 2009 Summer League Teams Part 3

It's been roughly two months since summer league started, and most of the players involved have been rehomed now. The following is a list of where everybody currently is, or where they might be going.

This list gets a bit long, so if you want to just skip to your favoured team, you can do so. I'll allow that.


New York Knicks

My initial summary


- Wink Adams: Adams is signed with Oyak Renault Bursa in Turkey. Wink Adams fact: an anagram of Wink Adams is "wankmaids." When I'm rich and famous, I'm hiring wankmaids. Fact.

- Alex Acker: Almost as soon as he was back in it, Acker is out of the NBA again. He is signed with Armani Jeans Milano in Italy.

- Blake Ahearn: See Nets/Sixers entry.

- Morris Almond: Almond is unsigned. I haven't heard anything about him agreeing to a training camp invite anywhere, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did. And I wouldn't be surprised if it was with the Knicks.

- Warren Carter: Unsigned.

- Joe Crawford: Crawford is, and always was, under contract through 2010. So he's going to camp.

- Toney Douglas: Douglas shot like crap in summer league, but passed for an impressive 7 assists per game. If he's going to try and reinvent himself as a point guard in the up-tempo system, then that's a pretty good start. However, the entire team shot less than 39% for the tournament, which is less complimentary of Douglas's offense-running skills.

- Patrick Ewing Jr: Ewing missed summer league with injuries. He is unsigned, and sounds like a training camp candidate.

- Jordan Hill: Jordan Hill may well prove to be the second best big man in this draft. This says more about the draft than Jordan Hill.

- Ron Howard: Unsigned.

- Yaroslav Korolev: For the Knicks to have thought they could have gotten anything out of Yaroslav Korolev was very, very ambitious. Although not nearly as ambitious as the Clippers drafting him in the first place. I can't find anything that either confirms or denies that Korolev will be with Dynamo Moscow again next year, but assume that he is until further notice.

- David Noel: Noel agreed to sign in France with Roanne back in June, and was still playing in the Philippines playoffs when summer league was going on. As a result, he never played for the Knicks.

- Mouhamed Sene: Sene was waived by the Knicks after summer league ended. He blocked 8 shots in 35 minutes of SL play, but, as ever, showed nothing else. He remains unsigned. Answer me this: who was the last player drafted in the lottery with absolutely no background success in the professional game before he was drafted, that went on to be actually be at least decent in the NBA? It wasn't Sene. It wasn't Korolev. And it wasn't the guy whose entry is two below this one, either. It's been a while.

- Rashaad Singleton: Singleton is unsigned. The ABA looks inevitable.

- Nikoloz Tskitishvili: Skita played well in summer league, blocking shots and shooting the good three pointer that he now lives by. With the recent proliferation of draft bust articles, it's hard to find any good Skita news. But as far as I know, he's unsigned.




Oklahoma City Thunder

My initial summary


- DeAngelo Alexander: Unsigned. Uninteresting.

- Marcus Dove: Likewise.

- Tony Durant: Durant also doesn't appear to be signed anywhere, but his Twitter makes it sound like he's having great fun anyway hanging around his brother's mates and meeting honeyz. Which is fair enough.

- Moses Ehambe: Ehambe is also unsigned and looks like a decent candidate to return to the D-League.

- James Harden: Will I stop saying "giggidy" after every mention of this man's name? Hopefully.

- DeVon Hardin: Will I stop saying "giggidy" after every mention of this man's name? Probably not. Hardin had a decent summer league, outplaying the guy he was backing up (B.J. Mullens), but he's unsigned as of right now.

- Kyle Hines: Hines is to spend a second season with Prima Veroli in Italy's LegaDue.

- Serge Ibaka: Ibaka signed with the Thunder, to a contract absolutely identical to that of Mullens. Such is the way of the rookie salary scale.

- Shaun Livingston: After waiving Earl Watson and trading Chucky Atkins, Livingston is now set to be OKC's primary backup point guard. Considering this man was being salary dumped 7 months ago, and couldn't play basketball two years ago, this is a hell of a result. Unless Kevin Ollie steals it from it.

- Keith McLeod: McLeod is unsigned. If he's looking for another NBA training camp invite, he's an optimist.

- B.J. Mullens: As if determined to make me stop saying "giggidy," B.J. wants to be known as Byron from now on. I refuse to co-operate.

- Richard Roby: In two summer leagues with the Thunder, Roby played all of 12 minutes. Thanks for all the travelling, Rick. He remains unsigned.

- Doug Thomas: Thomas played all of 1 minute more than Roby. Again, thanks for your patience. He too is unsigned, and if you want to know if he'll return to the mighty Sweden, then this is the website that will bring you that news. Eventually.

- Robert Vaden: Despite having "drafted in the NBA" on his resumé, the best Vaden could manage was a spot in Italy's LegaDue with Aget Imola.

- Kyle Weaver: Weaver turned it over quite a ridiculous amount in summer league, but played fairly well otherwise. By the way, is it just me, or does he look like Eddie Robinson?

- Russell Westbrook: Westbrook had a very good Orlando summer pro league. He continues to impress, sort of.

- D.J. White: Same goes for White, who might not welcome Ibaka's presence, but who has played well at every level so far. The difference in strength between the 2009 and 2008 drafts is pretty bloody spectacular, when you think about it.




Orlando Magic

My initial summary


- Maurice Ager: After three really bad years, Ager is out of the NBA, and has signed with Cajasol Sevilla in Spain.

- Lance Allred: Allred has signed in Italy's SerieA with NSB Original Marines Napoli, a team that was last year known as Solsonica Rieti and which weren't in Napoli. That list will happen, I promise thee. We'll add it to the site's to-do list, which currently features 55 things. (True story.)

- Ryan Anderson: A good addition. A good summer for Orlando, all told.

- Brian Chase: Chase has signed with C.B. Valladolid in Spain's ACB.

- Ronald Dupree: Dupree never played with the Magic after all. See Nuggets entry.

- Courtney Fells: Unsigned.

- Levance Fields: Fields is signed in Russia with Spartak St Petersburg.

- C.J. Giles: See Nuggets entry.

- Richard Hendrix: See Nuggets entry. By the way, Orlando and Denver played in different summer leagues, which explains all this duplication between the two rosters.

- Stevan Milosevic: Milsoevic turned it over 7 times in 16 minutes of summer league action, which is not bad going. As far as I can tell, he is unsigned.

- Jeremy Pargo: See Pistons entry.

- Kasib Powell: Powell is playing with Tyrell Biggs and A.J. Abrams with Trikalla in Greece. He says he's pretty much given up hope of making the NBA. But he's good enough to be in it, whether the league knows this or not.

- Milovan Rakovic: I'm not certain if Rakovic will return to Spartak St Petersburg to partner Fields, but it looks like he will.

- Jeremy Richardson: Richardson has signed with Aris Thessaloniki in Greece.

- Russell Robinson: Robinson is unsigned, and another year in the D-League makes sense, since he did actually develop there. And that's what it's for, after all.

- Darian Townes: See Jason Ellis, Nets/Sixers entry.




Phoenix Suns

My initial summary


- Kaspars Berzins: Berzins has signed with Fuenlabrada Madrid for next year.

- Josh Carter: Carter has signed with EWE Baskets Oldenburg in Germany.

- Earl Clark: Should he have gone ahead of former Louisville team mate Terrence Williams in the draft? Short answer: yep. Especially since the Nets spent all of last summer acquiring mediocre forwards. Don't see why they needed another one this year.

- Geary Claxton: Claxton is unsigned and looking for all the world like a D-League veteran in the making.

- Lee Cummard: Cummard is signed with ALBA Berlin in Germany.

- Zabian Dowdell: Dowdell impressed in summer league, and is looking for an NBA offer. If he doesn't get one, he has a standing offer from Italy, but it's in LegaDue. And Dowdell is above that.

- Micah Downs: Downs is the other American signed with KK Zadar in Croatia, alongside Trent Plaisted.

- Goran Dragic: Dragic's last two months of his rookie season weren't bad. His first 4 were awful, but there's always going to be an adjustment period. His summer league performance was pretty good, too, so maybe we can pretend his bad start didn't happen. But now would not be the time for a sophomore slump.

- Taylor Griffin: Griffin has signed with the Suns; a two year minimum contract with $250,000 guaranteed in the first year, and a completely unguaranteed second year that becomes $200,000 guaranteed if he makes the 2010/11 opening day roster. It looks like he really is going to play in the NBA after all.

- Jiri Hubalek: Hubalek is signed with Banco di Sardegna Sassari in Itaky's LegaDue.

- Takuya Kawamura: Kawamura went back to Japan and Tochigi Brex. He had his four minutes of NBA PT, what more does he want?

- Robin Lopez: I still believe.

- Carlos Powell: Powell has an offer from Carmatic, the LegaDue team also after Dowdell. He remains unsigned.

- Chris Rodgers: Rodgers was released early by the Suns and has not signed anywhere since.

- Alando Tucker: Am I the only person that gets Alando Tucker and Arron Afflalo mixed up? I hope not. I feel stupid enough already.




Portland Trail Blazers

My initial summary


- Deji Akindele: Akindele is signed with Xacobeo BluSens Obradoiro in Spain's ACB.

- Jerryd Bayless: Welcome to the deepest part of the bench, Jerryd Bayless. Don't worry, the whole league still rates you as some kind of future superstar, so you'll be fine in the long run. By the way, Bayless turned it over more than 6 times a game in summer league.

- Dante Cunningham: Signed to a two year fully guaranteed minimum salary deal. You heard it here first. Well, OK, you heard it here second, because you heard it here first. But I had a hand in that too. I'm a mover and shaker, don't you know. Got my hand in everything. Giggidy.

- Uche Echefu: Unsigned.

- Matt Freije: Freije, a newly Christened Lebanese national, just signed in his homeland with Al Riyadi.

- Thomas Gardner: Unsigned, and it doesn't look like the Hawks want him back.

- Pooh Jeter: Jeter is unsigned, as evidenced by his Twitter, where he also proves that he can't spell for shit. His sister Carmelita won a bronze at the 2009 World Atheltics Championships last month, and she also has the finest name in the world. Carmelita Jeter. Good stuff.

- Bobby Jones: Jones is signed with Banca Tercas Teramo in Italy.

- Joe Krabbenhoft: Krabbenhoft is unsigned. His Twitter suggests a lot of holidaying and some succinct world views.

- Patrick Mills: Mills is unsigned. He probably wouldn't have been, but he broke his foot early in the summer. He may still sign.

- Dwayne Mitchell: Mitchell is signed with Hapoel Holon in Israel.

- David Moss: Moss is signed with La Fortezza Bologna in Italy.

- Drew Neitzel: Neitzel is signed with ES Chalon-Sur-Saone in France.

- David Padgett: Padgett is signed with U.B. La Palma in Spain's LEB Gold (second division).

- Jeff Pendergraph: Pendergraph has not yet signed with the Blazers, but he will do soon.




Sacramento Kings

My initial summary


- Robert Battle: Battle's surprise NBA sojourn is over with. Last year he was one of the best big men in the LEB Gold with Valladolid, helping them win promotion tot he ACB; he's gone back there for this season to consolidate his success.

- Jon Brockman: Brockman has not yet signed with the Kings, which, considering how high they picked him and how much rebounding help they need, seems a little strange. He figures to sign later.

- John Bryant: Unsigned. An 80 year old man of the same name recently went missing, which makes John Bryant news hard to find.

- Pat Calathes: Calathes is to spend a second season with Costa Cafe Marousi in Greece.

- Omri Casspi: Signed with the Kings; as soon as he sets foot on the floor in a regular season game, he'll be the first Israeli to play in the NBA. Although don't you go thinking that Yotam Halperin and Lior Eliyahu couldn't do it.

- Tyreke Evans: It has already been announced that Evans will start at point guard for the Kings. Thank Christ for that.

- Donte Greene: Greene was less selfish in this year's summer league than last year's, which is like saying that Pol Pot felt slightly less genocidal than usual at Christmas. Greene also shot less than 30%, so maybe some more passing was in order.

- Spencer Hawes: In case you missed it, Hawes didn't turn up to summer league, and didn't tell the Kings that he was doing this. Bad times. Stupid times, really.

- Marcus Landry: Unsigned, but had a good summer league. Training camp contract? Maybe.

- Wesley Matthews: Same as Landry, although he didn't do quite as well.

- Jerel McNeal: Also unsigned. Played fairly well in summer league, too, but didn't have as much opportunity.

- Brian Roberts: Roberts is signed with Brose Baskets Bamberg in Germany.

- Victor Stowes: Stowes signed in Venezuela with Espartanos de Margarita, a team that just took a seven year hiatus for reasons I don't know.

- Jason Thompson: Thompson didn't play in summer league, either. Did he need to?

- Ryan Toolson: Toolson is signed with Pinar Karsiyaka SK Izmir in Turkey.




San Antonio

My initial summary


- Antonio Anderson: Anderson is unsigned. D-League, presumably.

- Romel Beck: Beck is unsigned, and only yesterday was kicked off of the Mexican national team for being too selfish. He was leading them in scoring at the time, so he must have been REALLY selfish.

- DeJuan Blair: Signed a four year contract, the first two years fully guaranteed, the final two years fully unguaranteed with guarantee dates to come. Use the salaries pages.

- Eric Dawson: Dawson is signed with the Mitsubishi Diamond Dolphins in Japan.

- Nando De Colo: Coco De Colo is signed with Valencia in the ACB.

- Alonzo Gee: Unsigned. That reminds me, I've still got to watch Alabama versus Auburn from like 6 months ago.

- James Gist: Unsigned.

- Malik Hairston: Going to camp with the Spurs. Contract is $50,000 guaranteed.

- George Hill: Will back up Tony Parker once again, and will do it bloody well.

- Carldell 'Squeaky' Johnson: Unsigned, presumed D-League returnee.

- Stephane Lasme: Lasme is signed with Maccabi Tel-Aviv in Israel.

- Ian Mahinmi: Now is the time to show something. I appreciate that injuries killed his year last year, but Mahinmi still hasn't done a damn thing yet, and the Spurs don't have money to waste.

- Jack McClinton: McClinton shot like crap in summer league, but might go to camp anyway. But if he does, it's unlikely he makes the team.

- Donell Taylor: Unsigned.

- Marcus Vinicius: Vinicius is signed with Sigma Coatings Montegranaro in Italy's SerieA.




Toronto Raptors

My initial summary


- Paul Davis: The sexually immature Davis is unsigned, and hasn't got the full MLE contract that he predicted.

- DeMar Derozan: He'll be somewhere in the Raptors rotation at some point, but Bryan Colangelo needs to remember that you can have indeed too much depth. So don't bring in any more two's now, Bryan.

- David Doblas: Doblas is committed to a third year at Lagun Aro, the ACB team that used to be a LEB Gold team named Bruesa-Guipuzcoa. Confusing, really.

- Quincy Douby: Douby is still with the Raptors, despite everyone around him being culled. He's currently the 15th man on a 15 man roster, but that's also all he needs.

- Carl English: English is signed with Caja Laboral Vitoria in the ACB.

- Ekene Ibekwe: Ekenechukwu is signed with Kepez Bld Antalya in Turkey.

- Nathan Jawai: See Dallas entry.

- Demetris Nichols: Having been both a member of the Bulls and Knicks last year, and having been a member of Raptors summer league, and having had a workout with the Pacers earlier this summer, it's fair to say that Nichols is on the cusp of the NBA. As a result, he'll probably go back to the D-League. He may even get a camp invite.

- Patrick O'Bryant: O'Bryant's now-guaranteed contract seems to ensure that he'll be a Raptor next year, if only an inactive list Raptor.

- Smush Parker: Parker is unsigned.

- Brent Petway: Petway is signed with Ilysiakos Athens in Greece.

- Shawn Taggart: Taggart is unsigned, and if anyone knows the meaning behind the "murder" joke that I'm temmpted to make here, then you're a bad bad man. Should have stayed in school, really.

- Roko Ukic: Ukic is now a Buck, just one of their many pointless acquisitions this summer. You can probably tell that I'm less than enthralled by their summer.




Utah Jazz

My initial summary


- James Augustine: See Chicago entry.

- Jimmy Baron: Baron shot the ball well for Jazz, although in fairness all he did was shoot the ball. He did enough to win a spot with Mersin in Turkey, which is why he didn't need to play any more summer league (see below).

- Cedric Bozeman: The Boze Man is unsigned and looks like a logical candidate to return to the D-League, what with all the progress he made there last year.

- Derrick Brown: Brown has signed with Charlotte to a two year minimum salary contract. First year is fully guaranteed, second year is $100,000 with multiple guarantee dates.

- Josh Duncan: Duncan's summer league exploits (57 points on 29 shots) landed him a spot with Liege Basket in Belgium.

- Andre Ingram: Ingram is unsigned. A third straight season with the Flash (AAA-AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!) looks to be in order.

- Kosta Koufos: Koufos played useful minutes on a contending team. The Jazz have great big man depth, and he's partly why.

- Kevin Kruger: Kruger is signed with Original Marines Napoli in Italy.

- Kevin Lyde: Lyde is signed with Eisbaeren Bremerhaven in Germany, thus sparing Jazz fans the inevitability of him coming to training camp again.

- Wesley Matthews: See Kings entry.

- Eric Maynor: Question for Jazz fans: does Maynor play ahead of Ronnie Price next year, or behind him? And if it's behind, why?

- Goran Suton: Suton has not yet signed, be it with the Jazz or with anyone. If he signs with the Jazz, he'll be very lucky to make the team, so he's best served using his Bosnian passport to land a nice European gig somewhere. I've heard that Italy is nice.

- Dar Tucker: Unsigned. Dar Tucker fact: Dar Tucker's name "Dar" is short for "Darquavis", which is one of the most unique names you'll ever hear.

- Larry Turner: The people's champion is signed in Spain with Fundacion Adepal Alcazar. But they're not in the ACB. Nor are they inthe LEB Gold. They're in the LEB Silver, the third tier of Spanish basketball. Larry Turner, everybody. A big hand please.

- Gary Wilkinson: Wilkinson was taken in the KBL draft and will play for Dongbu Promy next year.




Washington Wizards

My initial summary


- Alade Aminu: Unsigned.

- Dwayne Anderson: Unsigned.

- Ryan Ayers: Unsigned. Good start to the list, this.

- Jimmy Baron: Baron didn't play for the Wizards; see above.

- Andray Blatche: Blatche put the three pointer to bed in this summer league. Maybe he's figuring it out. He's also changed his number to #7 for no obvious reason.

- Javaris Crittenton: With Gilbert Arenas returning, Randy Foye and Mike Miller arriving, DeShawn Stevenson and Nick Young returning, and Mike James hanging around whether the Wizards like it or not, where the hell is Crittenton going to play next year? Considering they just gave up a first round draft pick to get him (admittedly only returning a heavily protected one), they're surely going to have to find somewhere.

- John Edwards: Edwards has signed abroad for only the second time in his professional career, going to join Kolossos Rhodes in the Greek league. He's now 28, and exactly the same player as he was when he was 22, so maybe he's conceded the NBA dream and is now looking for paychecks.

- Josh Heytvelt: Heytvelt played in every Wizards summer league game, even starting 1, but he didn't do a lot. He has since signed in Turkey with Oyak Renault Bursa, alongside Wink Adams and a guy called Ufuk Kacar. Good names all.

- James Lang: Unsigned.

- Javale McGee: JaVale McGee doesn't like me very much.

- Dominic McGuire: D-Mac remains on the Wizards roster. His contract is fully unguaranteed and has no guarantee date, so it costs the Wizards nothing to keep him around until training camp. But to stay beyond that, he'll have to show something. The 5.5 points and 3.5 turnovers per game on 20% shooting that he totalled in summer league isn't getting it done.

- Tywain McKee: McKee signed in what's left of the Australian league today with the Wollogong Hawks. It probably didn't help that he shot 9% in summer league.

- Tyrese Rice: Rice is signed with Greece with Panionios, where he'll pair up in the backcourt with B.J. Elder (giggidy). Considering that the two are pretty similar, it doesn't sound like a great idea.

- Jason Rich: Rich turned a blistering 21% shooting performance in summer league into a nice little contract with Maccabi Haifa in Israel. Maccabi Haifa have probably made more news this summer for their signing of Jeremy Tyler, but it's still a good placement for Rich.

- Alex Ruoff: Ruoff didn't play with the Wizards in summer league. He didn't need to, because he signed with Belgacom Liege quite a while ago.

- Diamon Simpson: The highly likeable Simpson never actually made the Wizards summer league team; he, along with Anderson, Ayers and Lang were the cuts made from a mini camp the Wizards held before summer league play started. Simpson remains unsigned.

- Kyle Spain: Spain is not signed in Spain, annoyingly, but is instead signed with the Passe-Partout Leuven Bears in Belgium. Hell of a name, that.

- Brandon Wallace: Wallace is unsigned, but he's not going back to Poland.

- Nick Young: If Washington starts Foye at shooting guard, like they should do and like they've threatened to, then how do Stevenson and Young divvy up the backup minutes? Will Young beat out Stevenson? He should do, considering Stevenson has the offensive ability of Mother Teresa on a particularly charitable day. But I'm not yet convinced that he will.

More Creative Financing In The NBA

Here's a longer list of things that were not included in the original Creative Financing post, either because I forgot to include them, or (in one instance) because the sweet prince who called our hotline with the information had not yet come forward. Remember; all calls are anonymous and you could receive a cash reward for information.

(Wait, no you couldn't. That's the slogan they use on Crimewatch. Ignore that.)


- As a part of the new scheme of turning this website's salary information from a static exhibit into a working reconstruction of life in First World War France, there now exists a page that lists all remaining salary cap exceptions for every NBA team. Of note on this list is the curious case of Channing Frye, the former Blazers and Knicks forward whose transformation from the next Dirk Nowitzki to the next Malik Allen is almost complete. The Suns signed Frye last month to a 2 year, $4,139,200 contract; not coincidentally, that is the same amount as the full value of the Bi-Annual Exception. However, the Suns didn't actually use their Bi-Annual Exception to sign him. Knowing that they wouldn't be using the full MLE to sign somebody due to their payroll concerns, the Suns cleverly (and creatively) used an equivalent chick of their mid level exception instead. As the name would suggest, you get to use the Bi-Annual Exception a maximum of once every two years, so if the Suns used it this year, they wouldn't get it next year. But if they roll it over, they do. It's pretty shrewd, when you think about it.

(Teams that should have done this but didn't include Washington - who used their BAE on Fabricio Oberto, and who won't use their MLE - and Chicago - who used their BAE on Jannero Pargo and who also won't use their MLE; however, if their plan for 2010 cap space comes off, it won't matter.)


- Less shrewd is the fact that the Suns appear to have used most of the rest of their MLE on re-signing Grant Hill. The fact that he got only an 8% raise in the second year of his contract backs this up. Why would the Suns do this? They had Early Bird rights on him, meaning that they could re-sign him to a contract beginning at the value of the mid level exception, without using the actual mid level exception to do so. They would also have been able to give Hill a 10.5% increase from the first year to the second. But, as I've said above, they didn't. Indeed, it appears they used their MLE to re-sign him. So either the document I'm looking at is wrong, the Suns renounced Hill at some point for no reason whatsoever, or the Suns just used their MLE when they completely and totally didn't need to.

If you're a Suns executive, feel free to set me straight on this.


- The Blazers' offer sheet to restricted Jazz free agent Paul Millsap was oft described as "toxic". The four year offer sheet started at $7,692,932 - which represents every last dollar that Portland had under the salary cap - before dipping to an even $7,600,000 in the second year. The final two years were for $8,103,435 and $8,603,633 respectively, bringing the contract's total worth to an even $32 million.

Furthermore, the Blazers did something fairly rare when they included a maximum 17.5% signing bonus into the contract; put simply, this means that Millsap receives 17.5% ($5.6 million) of the entire value of the contract up front. They did this so that it might deter the Jazz (pressed financially this season) not to match it. But ballsily, they did so. And doing so will work in their favour in the long run; for the next three seasons of his deal, whichever team owns Millsap will have $1.4 million less in obligations to pay him than his listed salary will indicate. If ever they decide to trade him, this will be a welcome reprive for the recipient team.

You probably knew all that, but there it is again anyway.


- What you may not have known is a strange thang that happened afterwards. The Blazers had to go on a hell of a renouncing binge in order to be able to make that offer sheet, and they purged some of the game's all time greats from their salary cap in order to do so. [Note: for a fuller explanation of renouncing and cap holds and stuff, go here.] Finally cleans from Portland's page of the salary report were the seminal names of Chris Dudley, Channing Frye, Raef LaFrentz, Voshon Lenard, Shavlik Randolph, Michael Ruffin, Luke Schenscher and Detlef Schrempf, some of whom had been out of the league for years, and none of whom meant anything to the Blazers.

However, after the Jazz matched the offer sheet, the Blazers unrenounced Shavlik Randolph. [You're allowed to unrenounce people in only one circumstance; when your enounced them in order to sign a RFA to an offer sheet, which then gets matched.] This meant that Randolph was now put back onto their salary figure, once again available to be signed and traded, but most significantly eating into their cap space.

Why is this important? It isn't. It might have been had it meant that they couldn't then afford to sign Andre Miller, but they could, and thus the Randolph unrenouncement made no impact on anything ever. All it means is that, if they decide to re-sign Randolph, they now have non-Bird rights on him as opposed to no rights at all. This means next to nothing, though, since Non-Bird rights are about as much use as a paper condom. Randolph's previous salary was the minimum salary, and all the non-Bird rights allow is for the Blazers to re-sign him for 120% of next year's minimum salary, something which they aren't going to do. If they're going to bring back Randolph, it's going to be for the minimum, and since the internet currently contains unsubstantiated rumours which state that the Blazers will be bringing Juwan Howard to training camp this year, it doesn't sound like they're even going to bring Shavlik back for that.

So then, why did they do it? Well, why not, I say. I got a blog post out of it. Everyone's a winner.


- Would you like an example of how trade bonuses (kickers) work? Hope so, because you're about to get one. Feel free to skip it if you're easily bored.

The following is how John Salmons' trade bonus was calculated after his trade from Sacramento to Chicago back in February.

Salmons' 2008/09 salary before the trade was for $5,104,000, followed by $5,456,000 in 2009/10, and finally an extra season in 2011/12 for $5,808,000 that Salmons had an early termination option on. He was traded on February 18th, the 114th day of the season. Including the day of the trade, there were 57 days remaining in the season.

There are 170 days in an NBA regular season. If you don't believe me, count them yourself; since this is dull and boring to do, I implore you to believe me. As 113 days of the season gone, so had 113/170ths of Salmons' salary for that season; therefore, only 57/170ths of that season's salary was still "remaining".

Therefore, the amount of Salmons' remaining salary (including the option year) was for $12,975,341. That total breaks down as following:

Remaining salary, 2010/11 - $5,808,000
Remaining salary, 2009/10 - $5,456,000
Remaining salary, 2008/09 - $1,711,341 ($5,104,000 divided by 170, times 57)

(Note: salary that falls under option years is not normally to be included in "remaining salary" when calculating trade bonuses; however, Early Termination Option years are the exception.)

Salmons had a 15% trade kicker, the maximum allowed under the CBA. This means that, in the event that he was traded, he'd get an extra 15% of his remaining salary as a bonus, in order to ease the pain of having to move from one luxury privileged job to another. 15% of his remaining salary was $1,946,301; this was the amount of his trade kicker.

That trade bonus is spread across the cap evenly amongst the remaining amount of guaranteed years of the contract. Option years are NOT included, and the trade kicker is NOT prorated like the amount of remaining salary was above. Therefore, Salmons' $1,946,301 bonus was to be split evenly between the two remaining guaranteed non-option seasons of his contract; 2008/09 and 2009/10; $973,151 for each season.

As a result, Salmons' new salary numbers became $6,077,151 (2008/09), $6,429,151 (2009/10) and $5,808,000 (2010/11, ETO).

Just trust me that that was more boring to type than it was to read.



- Eddy Curry does not have conditional guarantees in his contract relating to his weight. Nor does Glen Davis. Nor does Jerome James. But perhaps they all should do, because it's entirely possible. Two such contracts have been signed this summer; the Grizzlies' contract of Marcus Williams is for the minimum salary of $855,189 ($825,497 on the Grizz's cap), with guaranteed compensation of $500,000. The remaining $355,189 becomes guaranteed in 15 different stages; on 15 separate dates throughout the season, Williams has to turn up weighing equal to or less than 207 pounds, and a body fat amount of less than 10%. Each time he does so, he's guaranteed an extra $23,679. Similarly, the Kings signed Sean May to a one year minimum salary contract of $884,881 ($825,497 on their cap); however, only $784,881 of it is guaranteed. The other $100,000 becomes guaranteed if May weighs equal to or less than 265 pounds on September 30th OR October 27th.

(The word "or" is an interesting qualifier there. It's not mine.)


- Ever since Kiki Vanderweghe cemented their future with the Kenyon Martin contract, his replacement Mark Warkentein has had to work very hard to avoid the luxury tax. When you commit a near-9 figure contract to a guy worth less than half of it, cap management becomes all the more important, particularly when you have a genuine max player to pay as well, and an owner who owns a brilliant football team,but who isn't too keen on the idea of tax.

Warkentein didn't start well, paying Nene $60 million that he hadn't earned on the premise that he might do one day, and giving Reggie Evans a completely unnecessary 5 year contract to be the backup to the backup. But since then, he and the Nuggets have turned it around. Nene has lived up to his presumptuous salary, and Denver was able to take advantage of the always generous Billy King when they dumped off Evans's salary for that of Steven Hunter, a slightly smaller one that was also one year shorter. They've since been able to move that deal onto the Grizzlies, for the cost of some cash and a first round pick, completely absolving themselves of the deal. They made a similar deal towards the deadline last year, when they were able to move Chucky Atkins' salary to Oklahoma City in exchange for Johan Petro's smaller deal. They gave up a first round pick to do so, but they received a second round pick in the deal too. (The first rounder they gave up was the 26th pick in last year's draft, and the pick they got back was the 34th; let it be known that I'd rather have an unsigned Sergio Llull than a signed Taj Gibson.) Warkentien also managed to create the fine Allen Iverson deal, where the Nuggets got the better player and saved a boatload of short term salary in doing so. The Nuggets have managed the rare but special feat of being able to save money and improve their basketball product at the same time, not letting the bad Martin deal cripple their short and long term improvements. We should look up to that.

Unfortunately, they're going to struggle to dodge the tax again. Even after the Hunter dump, the Nuggets are still awkwardly in the tax territory and with less than a full roster to speak of. It's already cost them Linas Kleiza, and they don't have any more basketball assets that they can really lose. As such, they've had to get creative. And that's where Ty Lawson comes in.

It's never really mentioned, because it's never really important, but most rookie scale contracts contain performance incentives. So widespread is it, in fact, that every first rounder signed this season has them except for Tyreke Evans, Jonny Flynn, Austin Daye, Eric Maynor, Darren Collison and Wayne Ellington. (Yes, even Blake Griffin has them.) Lawson has them, too, and his case gives us a fine example of quite what these incentives can be. To earn the full 120% of his rookie contract that he signed for, Lawson has got to make five promotional appearances for the Nuggets, play in summer league, play in another two week summer skills and conditioning program, and play 900 minutes next season. As well as do all that suitcase carrying and doughnut fetching that's considered mandatory for a rookie in the NBA. (Although the contract doesn't stipulate the suitcase and doughnuts bit.)

In signing Lawson to a deal like this, the Nuggets may have given themselves a small saving this season, which gets them one step closer to breaking even. Since all money saved by the Nuggets is all money that can potentially be spent by Arsenal, I'm all for this.


- And finally, another example of how not to creatively finance. Does it involve Otis Smith? Oh yes. Yes it does.

In the weeks leading up to the start of last season, the Magic decided they needed a third string point guard. They were right. They did. They only had two, and one of them was Anthony Johnson. One injury to Jameer Nelson, and Ol' Fatneck would suddenly become their only option. At that point, they might as well just fold the franchise. (Or trade for Rafer Alston. Same sort of thing.)

They hunt around, and eventually pick a good one. They decide upon signing Mike Wilks, a career journeyman who puts the journeyman into journeyman. Since leaving Rice University in 2001, Wilks has spent various amounts of time with the Kings, Bucks, Hawks, Timberwolves, Rockets, Bulls, Spurs, Cavaliers, Sonics, Nuggets and the Wizards. He has appeared in 229 games over parts of six seasons, and there's a reason he's been getting all these look-ins; he's all right. Wilks will always be disadvantaged by his 5'10 frame, but he's not bad.

With that in mind, the Magic signed Wilks to an unguaranteed contract for training camp, somewhat expecting him to make the team but absolving themselves of all liability if something better came along. However, during a preseason game on October 16th, Wilks tore his knee up. Badly. He completely tore his ACL, slightly tore his MCL, and badly sprained his meniscus, knocking him out for the season. Because he was under contract to the Magic at the time, the Magic were now liable for his salary until he returned to full health.(That's the rule. Same as any job, really.) And this meant his contract became guaranteed.

This is why the Magic kept Wilks on the roster for half a season, despite him not playing any games; they were stuck with paying him anyway, so they might as well keep him around. They only shifted him from the roster when they were able to include him as salary figure in the Alston trade, sending him to the Grizzies, with whom he stayed on the roster until the end of the year. That was Mike Wilks's year in a nutshell - two teams, 7 months, 1 injury, 0 minutes played, over a million dollars earned. Could have been worse, I suppose.

The same thing happened to the Heat. Always willing to play the training camp game, Miami obliged us once again last year by bringing in the full compliment of 20, even when most of the extra signings (Omar Barlett, Tre Kelley, Eddie Basden, Matt Walsh, David Padgett) had no real chance of making the team. Along with Padgett, they signed former Davidson point guard Jason Richards right after summer league, to a contract that had only $50,000 guaranteed. However, Richards too blew out his knee, and so the Heat were liable for his salary until the day he recovered. And that saw them have to pay him for the full season.

The worst part about it all was that Richards's now-guaranteed salary meant that the Heat were now going to be taxpayers, when previously they'd budgeted to be just under it. As a result, they had to salary dump Shaun Livingston, now the Thunder's premier backup. Bad times.

The lesson here; if you're a decent basketball player, but of only a fringe NBA talent, do your damndest to get a training camp gig somewhere. Accept $0 guaranteed money if you have to. Just sign the contract. And then take a dive. It's a particularly good idea if you're broke. Antoine Walker, take note.

(This isn't just an excuse to take cheap shots at Orlando, by the way. Wilks was a good signing, an NBA calibre third string point guard, with whom they just happened to get highly unlucky. They did nothing wrong; these things just happen sometimes. It is, however, an eye opener. These are things that you don't really consider a possibility until they happen. Dallas had better find an Erick Dampier-sized straight jacket next summer.)

Kirk Snyder's hearing delayed, Darius Miles arrested

Middletown Journal: Kirk Snyder takes further steps to really help his own cause and become a better, well-adjusted person.

A competency hearing for former NBA player Kirk Snyder has been delayed because [he] has been uncooperative with medical experts, court officials said.

Snyder, 25, is accused of breaking in a home and assaulting a man on March 30 near his residence in the Beacon Hill Townhouses in Deerfield Twp.

A Warren County grand jury indicted him on aggravated burglary and felonious assault charges, both felonies, He was also charged with a misdemeanor assault charge for allegedly attacking another inmate at the Warren County Jail after his arrest.

Snyder’s attorney, Hal Arenstein, could not be reached for comment, but he has filed documents in court saying his client is not guilty by reason of insanity and he is not competent to stand trial.

Memphis Commercial Appeal: Darius Miles arrested for possession, reputedly a dickhead.

Grizzlies forward Darius Miles was arrested Wednesday and released on bond after being charged with possession of marijuana following a routine traffic stop.

Miles also received a ticket for driving with a suspended license according to the Associated Press, which first reported the story.

.................

Although the Griz haven't publicly stated their intentions, their plan was always to start next season without Miles.

The Griz grew weary of Miles' waning work ethic and his relationship with rookie guard O.J. Mayo.

There was widespread concern in the organization about Miles' off-the-court influence on Mayo near the end of the season.

If there was ever any doubt - and there wasn't - Memphis really did only sign Darius Miles to screw Portland. His reasonably effective play notwithstanding, it was never going to be a long term solution, and there was nothing to gain in the short term either. But, if stiffing Portland was indeed their aim, it worked. Industrious? Yes. Successful? Yes. Embarassing? Definitely yes. Let's pretend it didn't happen.


But, enough of that.

To the bigger issues here: in addition to a fine and most underwhelming Twitter page, this webshite now also has a Facebook fan page. Why? Why not, I say.

If anyone wishes to help out by creating a logo that isn't a copyrighted picture of Ha Seung-Jin's face, then do please contact me.

Sorry, Darius

Sports Illustrated: Blazers threaten to sue anyone who signs Darius Miles.

"Team Presidents and General Managers,

"The Portland Trail Blazers are aware that certain teams may be contemplating signing Darius Miles to a contract for the purpose of adversely impacting the Portland Trail Blazers Salary Cap and tax positions. Such conduct from a team would violate its fiduciary duty as an NBA joint venturer. In addition, persons or entities involved in such conduct may be individually liable to the Portland Trail Blazers for tortuously interfering with the Portland Trail Blazers' contract rights and perspective economic opportunities.

"Please be aware that if a team engages in such conduct, the Portland Trail Blazers will take all necessary steps to safeguard its rights, including, without limitation, litigation.''

Now, I'm no lawyer, nor even a taxpaying member of the state. But if I understand anything, I understand this:

The whole concept of doctors declaring when a player's career is over due to injury is entirely speculative. It has to be, unless Nostradamus knows how to use a stethoscope. The doctors predicted Darius's career would be over, but it wasn't, and you can see that it wasn't by the fact that he's STILL PLAYING. Therefore, Portland's whole claim of "his career is over, can we have our money back please?" is somewhat invalidated. And all this silly posturing helps nobody.

As far I can tell, Portland has little, if any, legal footing. If Darius was out there in a wheelchair, or as a quadraplegic with a terminal case of lumbago, then they'd have a point. But he's not. Darius not thet player that he once was, but he can take an NBA court on merit.

Caught up in all this, though, is the most important point.

Darius Miles never got much of a fair shake in Portland. The blowups didn't help, but he could play, and yet he was reviled due to his perceived character and his novelty oversized contract. But while Darius may has always been a bit of a numpty, we must feel for him in this situation. His comeback attempt seems genuine, and yet this entire process for him is now nothing but a mockery. All the man wants is a fair chance at regaining the lifestyle and profession that he lost through no fault of his own. And we can't seem to allow him that without making it into a legal battle.

We're bastards, aren't we?

Preview Sort Of Thing: Portland Trail Blazers

I write this post while speaking from inside a pair of Portland Trail Blazers shorts. It's not the smartest choice of garb right now, given that it's essentially snowing outside. But I'm wearing them anyway, because I'm a maverick, who doesn't play by the rules, a Mad Max gone maniacal, a man whose killing expertise and suicidal recklessness make him a Lethal Weapon to anyone he works against. Or with.

I own these shorts for two reasons:

1. As a cutting edge fashionista, I firmly believe in the simplified yet magnetic beauty of novelty oversized black shorts.

2. When I bought them back 2002, I counted myself as a Portland fan.

Over time, this feeling has dissipated. As my NBA fandom has gone from "hardcore" to "oh Jesus just kill yourself already", my allegiance to the Bulls became firmer than a Kevin Lyde backscreen, before slowing dying away into more of a general NBA kinship. Through that timeline, any Blazers allegiance was left by the wayside.

However, I never retracted the right to be able to crank that support right back up when I wanted to. The time for that is now.

(Note: I'm not claiming to be a Portland fan, even if I do invoke The Shorts Clause as a defense of any such claim. Instead, I am an NBA fan. And right now, all NBA fans are Portland fans. Or at least, they should be.)

Everything is coming up Milhouse in Portland. (Giggidy.) The team has the best colelction of young talent in the league, and easily the best that I've ever seen. Not even the 2003 Denver Nuggets can rival these bad boys. Every position is three deep, with the only hole in their rotation being at starting small forward, and even there it's all relative, as the duo of Nicolas Batum and Martell Webster have plenty of talent between them.

(By the way, I'm calling it now. Channing Frye to sign with Memphis next summer. Evidence? I have no evidence. I need no evidence.)

Portland has flair, athleticism, passing, shooting, rebounding, shotblocking, creativity, fundamentals and Steve Blake. Forget being a team "for the future" - this is a team for both the present the future. Rather than sacrifice talent for excitement, Portland combines the two, particularly from the bench, which houses exciting little bunnies liek Sergio Rodriguez, Jerry D. Bayless, Travis Outlaw, Rudy Fernandez, and Joel "Streetball" Pryzbilla. This sheer depth also allows them to lose little when the starters come out of the game, especially on offense. If there's a mismatch somewhere on the opposing team, Portland has someone who can expose it.

There are some drawbacks, though. Portland's roster is so full of talent that it might not allow for players to fully develop, as the team offers at least two quality options at every position. Additionally, the core has shown to be rather injury prone at a young age, specifically Brandon Roy and Greg Oden, and financially, Portland will be on the hook for a lot of salary, particularly if the salary of Darius Miles is......

.........wait, what? What the hell am I saying? Those aren't important at all. And some of them aren't even real drawbacks. I just made them up. Jesus. Sorry. I think I felt obligated to be negative for a minute there, when it just wasn't necessary. This is nothing to feel bad about with Portland right now. The talent is stacked, the future is blinding, the owner will pay for it, and the fans are on alert.

*Puts on XXXL Rasheed Wallace jersey, bought for a staggeringly cheap price after Sheed's trade to Atlanta, even in spite of the fact that it's at least three X's too big for him. My re-allegiance is complete*

Let's embrace this.

Dude. It's Zach Randolph.

ESPN: Knicks suggest dealing Randolph to Memphis

The Knicks have a trade proposal on the table with the Memphis Grizzlies that would see Darko Milicic and Marko Jaric dealt to New York in exchange for Zach Randolph.

OK, I get it. I do. I really do.

"Here, take Zach Randolph! Take this extremely talented player who just so happens to play at your weakest position! Nooooooo, we don't want anything back! You just take him!"

I get that. When your job is to improve your team, and you are offered a highly talented basketball player for essentially free, it's a tough one to turn down. And Zach Randolph really is highly talented.

But he's also Zach Randolph. And therein lies the problem.

For all of Zach's talents, his play has never been efficient, sensible, or highly profitable. Just by playing him, you lose an untold amount on defense, something which Randolph simply cannot do. And for all his versatility and skill as an offensive player, Zach has never had the sense or awareness to fit into an offense efficiently - Randolph is a career .465 shooter starting his offense from increasingly near the three point line, and with an intense aversion to passing. Bear in mind, this is a man once berated for selfishness by former teammate, Nick Van Exel. And Nick Van Exel knows a thing or two about selfishness.

The problem is exacerbated when looking at Memphis's other big men. Out of Hamed Haddadi, Hakim Warrick, Darrell Arthur, Marc Gasol and Antoine Walker, who represents a good pairing for Zach? Who is the weakside shotblocker to counteract Zach's complete failure in that area? There's a bit there, mainly coming from Gasol, but there's not much. Additionally, if Marc Gasol is to start at centre - and it looks like he has to - then how do you pair him and Randolph on offense? Pairing Randolph with a man who plays within 3 feet of the rim at all times (Eddy Curry) went painfully badly last season, so how much different will it be with Gasol? How does Zach fit?

Take a wider look at the roster, and the same applies. The Memphis roster is a symposium of good young talent and veterans that they're stuck with. In Rudy Gay and Orange Juice Mayonnaise (readers note: that joke wasn't funny, nor mine), the Grizzlies have two talented young scorers, and a roster rounded out with complimentary athleticism, defensive versatility and scoring talent. However, outside shooting remains a concern, and there remains a big hole at power forward. There's also a big rebounding hole on a team that was outrebounded by 2.9 boards a game last year, good for only 25th in the league.

Now Zach Randolph is a power forward all right, and he's constantly armed with a good rebounding rate. But if anyone expects him to come in and be primarily a rebounder, in the role that David Lee refused to fill, then they're either eternally optimistic, or privy to some blackmail that the rest of us aren't. No one has been able to convince Zach Randolph that his future lies in the post for a while now, and a year under the stewardship of Isiah Thomas is not good news for any player who struggles to understand their limitations.

The current reported trade talk sees Memphis giving New York nothing more than Marko Jaric and Darko Milicic. That is something, at least. Milicic is a player who has failed to pan out for three teams, and Marko is someone Memphis didn't want in the first place. The two players combine to earn $35,860,000 over the next three years, and they represent the two worst contracts that the Grizzlies have. (Readers note: Antoine Walker's contract is longer and bigger, but it's also fully unguaranteed beyond this year. And that's why Memphis wanted it in the first place. Same with Greg Buckner, sort of.) The next three years of Zach Randolph will pay him $48 million, and the cap hold for the first two years will be only a minor increase over what Darko and Marko currently take up. The only significant cap hit comes in the 2010/11 season, where Randolph will earn $17,333,333 to Jaric's $7,625,000, with Milicic already expired. But, as the Grizzlies have only 5 players under contract at that time, that isn't relevant of right now. The cost of obtaining Randolph is as low as it can be: two mostly insignificant bench players, who also have the franchise's two largest contracts.

But is that minimal price still too much for Zach Randolph?

It's a high risk move, clearly. But it's only a high reward move if the Zach Randolph of 2006/07 turns up, the one who put up a flawed but sexy 24 points and 10 rebounds a game. The one who wasn't as bad as usual on defense. The one who stayed largely in the post. The one who didn't complain too much. The one who was in the best shape of his life. The one who produced. To make this trade worthwhile, Memphis needs that Randolph back. But even after such a career best season, Portland were willing to trade him for nothing. Portland would rather pay Steve Francis $30 million to not turn up,rather than have even the good version of Randolph back. Warning sirens aplenty. If they get this Zach Randolph back, then they will be trading for the highest paid non-All Star of all time, and making a $48 million investment in a painful player with a painful contract and a temperamental history.

Risky. Too risky.

Will we ever see the better Randolph again? I don't know the answer, and I don't know about this trade. I get it, but......dude.

It's Zach Randolph.

Game of the week number 2: Grizzlies vs Blazers

Bit late, but, whatever. I was busy. The game took place many days ago now, but dammit, I had taken all the notes and so I had to write them up, even if no one now cares. So here they are.


- It is partly a coincidence that I have the Blazers picked for the second straight week, but partly planned. This seemed like the most appetising game on the menu featuring two of my favourite teams, with youg talent oozing out of every orifice and the chance to get a fresh Casey Jacobsen fix. Win, lose or draw, I'm determined to enjoy myself. And given that I have mancrushes on about 20 of the players on show tonight, that should happen without me forcing it too much.

- Extremely early on, Mike Miller makes a sexy looking finger roll, and I'm happy. I think you should know that the excellence of Mike Miller is going to be a theme in this post, in spite of the fact that he played quite badly. Brian Cardinal will also feature heavily. Leave now if this offends you. By the way, my man crushes aren't exclusive to white people, as you will soon see.

- Damon Stoudamire is starting for the Grizzlies to begin this season, despite the two players behind him - Kyle Lowry and Mike Conley - being way better than him. It's an obvious showcase situation that just might work, for Damon looks to have a pep in his step that hasn't been seen since the day he put up 54 points and 0 rebounds as a Blazers. Hurtling towards 35, with 12 years of experience and some knee surgeries behind him, Damon looks to be catching a second wind of sorts. And that's a good thing. There will probably now be a trade made with him at the deadline. Quietly, I'm hoping that Boston is interested. It's not especially likely, but there's a chance that it could happen. And this might mean that Brian Cardinal and Brian Scalabrine wind up on the same team at the same time. Get excited, Memphis.

- Channing Frye, starting tonight for Portland, hits a 22 foot jumpshot. Two possessions later, he airballs a hookshot. I don't want to say Malik Allen, but he's headed that way, and it's depressing. He has so much more than that.

- In a high energy start to the game (which I was hoping for), there's a lot of coast to coastage going on. Martell Webster misses an easy fastbreak layup, the ball is down the other end of the court within about half a second, and Rudy Gay crushes home a dunk just like Webster should have done. This causes Blazers colour commentator Mike Rice to utter his first stupid comment of the day, remarking that Gay looked Pippen-like on that finish. Easy there, Mike. It was only an uncontested dunk.

- People have to stop calling Pau Gasol soft, you know. Half of his offensive possesions involve catching the ball at the elbow and clattering his way wildly towards the hoop, drawing fouls. That's not soft. It's ugly and a bit clumsy, but it's not soft. And it works. Let's disband the myth.

- Mike Rice calls Darko Milicic "Millisits", twice. More to follow.

- In what is currently a swishfest, Webster and Frye hit jumpshots as Portland takes a 9-6 lead, On another breakaway, Rudy Gay airballs a layup. Mike Rice doesn't mention Scottie Pippen this time.

- A few possessions later, Gay spins from the top, hangs in the air, hits the foul line jumpshot and draws a foul. Rice describes it as a "H.O.R.S.E. shot from the YMCA!". I only have one question - what actually IS a YMCA? I'm not very worldly, you see. I'm also highly influenced and seem to believe it's something to do with gay cowboys. Please help set me straight.

- Mike Rice just called Millisits "Darko". Good move. Probably best to put that whole surname thing to bed.

- I think I've found a reason why Memphis loses. They run very hard one way, and waddle the other. Yeah, that needs fixing.

- Portland head coach Nate McMillan is sporting a rakish if somewhat brave tie. Hats off to him. There's no need for the stoicism provided by most ties. Be daring. It's not a huge statement, but it's something.

- LaMarcus Aldridge blocks a Stoudamire layup attempt, caushing play by play commentator Mike Barrett to shout "don't bring that into LaMarcus Aldridge country". Unfortunately, he didn't say that, as he got distracted and tailed off towards the end, missing a syllable. You can guess which,

- Fresh from his Darko Millisits magic, Rice follows up by calling Gasol "Paul", which is something that I thought the whole NBA world had gotten over about 4 years ago. I sigh at this point.

- Marc Iavaroni has a hell of a forehead on him, it has to be said. He also has something of a profound neck going on there, and it's a good combination, even if it does make him look a bit like a librarian. Incidentally, speaking of awesome coaches foreheads, come join in the fun that is the "Draw things on Scott Skiles's forehead game. It's childish, but so am I.

- I love Mike Miller. But I don't think matching him up against Brandon Roy is going to be especially fair here. I hope I'm wrong.

- It's just occured to me that the arena in which Portland play is the Rose Garden, and that Lynn Anderson sung about such a thing all those years ago. So I've finally made the connection that the rest of the free world made about 25 years ago. Hooray!!

- Memphis is running a lot of post-up plays for Millisits, and three times already, Darko has gone left and made short hook shots. Why do so many post defenders let left handed players go left with ease? It made Othella Harrington's entire career, dammit. At some point you need to train yourself to know what's coming.

- Pau Gasol eats Aldridge alive on the defensive end, as LaMarcus doesn't challenge the shot in any way, but does manage to foul. For all of Aldridge's improved offense, this isn't the first time recently that his head isn't into it on defense. It's a shame because he's good at it. I hope he doesn't become like Rasheed Wallace. And the whole of Portland is probably hoping that too.

- In my notes, I have written down how Jarrett Jack has come into the game and gone straight to the shooting guard position with Brandon Roy running the point guard duties. However, in my rushed short hand, I've written only "Jack off", which needed to be shared. Thank God Rudy Gay's name wasn't in that note.

- This game is still fun. With three minutes lin the first, Memphis is leading 24-21. It's pretty fast stuff.

- Ghostface Przybilla checks into the game as McMillan tries to find a way of stopping Milicic and Gasol, who have scored freely inside. So that's now three of my favourite players of all time on the floor at once, with Miller, Gasol and Przybilla out there.

- Speaking of, in comes Casey Jacobsen. Awesome.

- Barrett reads out the stat that 22 of Memphis's first 26 points have come from in the paint, and you haven't needed to be watching very hard to believe him. Things have been rather pourous in there. Straight away after Przybilla enters the game, Mike Miller shoots a three and misses. Yeah, you're right to to be scared, Mike.

- Darko goes for another left handed hook, and misses qutie short on it. He was defended on the play by Joel Przybilla (obviously), whose strength and general brilliance made Darko take the shot from about 3 or 4 feet away from where he shot his earlier ones that he made. It's fair to say that Joel Przybilla is a game changer.

- Roy shoots a fadeaway, and misses, but the Blazers get the offensive rebound. I'll let you guess who did it. CLUE = It rhymes with Noel Przykilla.

- Does referee Jimmy Clark dye his hair or his eyebrows?


- Going up for a dunk, Przybilla gets partially blocked, and gets the ball wedged between the rim and the backboard. Strength, tenacity, persistence, ineptitude. The total Przybilla package, all yours for only $6 million a year. I want one.

- A three possession run sees Przybilla grab an offensive rebound, block a shot by Mike Conley, then grab another offensive rebound. I appreciate that the Przybilla talk may be getting annoying, but right now he's dominating this entire game and it's hard to not talk about him. I need a suitable distraction.

- Ah, there's one. Kyle Lowry enters the game. I'm a massive fan of Kyle Lowry, as everybody should be. He's the next Jason Kidd. Bollocks to Mike Conley. This now means that Memphis is sporting the perimeter trio of Lowry, Jacobsen and Miller, which makes me a truly happy bunny.

- Mike Barrett reminds us all that tonight is Greg Oden bobblehead night. Hmmm. Maybe they should have rescheduled that.

- During an advert break, an advert for Adidas or whoever it was comes on, and Dwyane Wade comes on, looking moody, then shouts "Der-WAAAAAAAYNE, WADE". I'm not sure how this helped advertise the product, nor how anyone could find it enthralling or otherwise. But hey ho, I'm just a cynical bastard.

- The same advert break cuts back just in time for us viewers to catch the last few seconds of the Dunking Elvises (Elvii?) trampoline spectacular slamball thing. It was awesome. I'd watch about an hour of that and the grin on my face would never waver. Make it an all-star event. Make the competitors wear fancy dress. Do this now.

- Memphis scores 6 quick points to stretch the lead out to 32-23. And at this point I've just noticed that Mike Conley, Tarence Kinsey, Hakim Warrick (injured) and Brian Cardinal aren't in the game, and haven't been at any point. Memphis, if you need help in rehoming any of those 4, get me a job as an NBA GM and I'll gladly assist.

- Mike Rice called Hakim Warrick "War Wig". There's plenty more from The Mike Rice Show to come, but as you may have gathered, I'm not a fan. This is because he is crap.

- Pau Gasol has 17 of Memphis's 32 points, coming on 8-9 shooting. I say this only to re-emphasis how sloppy Portland's interior defense has been so far. Paul is repeatedly going at Aldridge, and winning. Concern.

- Hey, Tarence Kinsey is in! Cool. I like Kinsey. But if any two players were going to get in ahead of him, then I'm glad it was Jacobsen and Miller.

- A Memphis offensive possession sees Casey Jacobsen stand in the corner with his arms up for 12 seconds, then running back on defense. This is why I love Casey Jacobsen and his one dimensional genius. He looked genuinely upset that he didn't get to shoot.

- Kyle Lowry is the next Jason Kidd. I've mentioned this before and I'll mention it again.

- As much as I like Mike Miller, he really could use a more heterosexual choice of headband.

- Right on cue, Mike Miller goes to posterise Joel Przybilla, going up strong for the dunk. There can only be one winner. And naturally, it's Joel Przybilla, as he meets Mikey at the top and blocks the ball away. A part of me dies watching this, but again, as above - if Miller's going to lose out to someone, then it would have to be Przybilla. It makes it all right.

- Memphis assistant coach Johnny Davis looks like the result of one of those image morphing websites, With this in mind, I used one such program and tried to restore Davis's head to that of a normal person. The results were, um, staggering.

Before:



After:


It didn't need to be done, but it has been, and it was educational.

- Memphis leads 40-28 at this moment, with only one turnover. They're playing crisply on offense and Portland is doing little about this, particularly on the inside as we have already covered. Annoyingly, Mike Rice is using every opportunity possible to spew forth bilious hate towards the rookie referee in charge of this game, whose name he chooses not to use, instead running with the term "the rookie ref". Rice seems to believe that all his calls are to be questioned because of who he is, and that he isn't worthy to call a foul on a Portland player. It's very annoying to say the least, and it's going to feature in upcoming stanzas. So read on, loyal viewer.

- Joel Przybilla blocks a Darko Milicic dunk. Like any other eventually was even possible.

- Mike Miller commits a foul, and protests it. Mike Barrett mentions how Mike Miller has "never committed a foul [in his own mind]", and Mike Rice likened Mike Miller's complaining to that of Tim "Mike" Duncan. This post isn't necessary, I just wanted to say Mike a lot. Mike Mikey Mike Mike.

- Conley enters the game, upping the Mike tally one further. Bizarrely but not exepectedly, he goes straight into the backcourt alongside Mike Lowry, who stays in the game. This has to make you think - despite Lowry being far from a sure thing, especially after such a short run last season, it's obvious to anyone that he's really good. He's a point guard of the future calibre prospect for this team. So why then did they draft another one at 4 this year, even if Mike Conley is really good? Do they foresee a situation in which the two can play a lot alongside each other, or do they want a T.J. Ford/Jose Calderon thing going on? Neither of those scenarios would be bad, but they aren't necessarily optimum use of assets. So we'll see how this plays out.

- Immediately, Conley breaks a full court press, glides past the defense (if that's what it's called) of Steve Blake, and draws an and-1 on Przybilla. Maybe that's why they drafted him, then.

- The rookie referee calls LaMarcus Aldridge for hooking as he made his move down low. Instantly, Mike Rice once again calls into question this referee's tenacity and reasons for being alive, condemning him spitefully and mercilessly. He ignores, of course, that it was actually a foul.

- Sideline reporter Rebecca Haarlow - who may or may not be fit, she's too silhouetted to really see - interviews the wife of Darius Miles about her upcoming child birth. In response to Haarlow's question of "what are you doing to get ready?", Brandi Miles replies "Praying", which seems odd. But it's not as odd as the Blazers actually acknowledging that Miles is still a part of the organisation. I can't say I saw that coming.

- LaMarcus Aldridge commits a charge on Kyle Lowry, but the charging foul is not called. Replays clearly show that it was a missed call by the referee, who just so happens to be the immortal "rookie ref". However, since this no-call went Portland's way, Mike Rice chooses to overlook his nemesis's decision this time. Quel suprise.

- Mike Conley penetrates the lane and kicks out to Kyle Lowry, who hits a three.

- Kyle Lowry penetrates the lane and kicks out to Mike Conley, who hits a three. Yeah, I always knew this pairing would work out. Memphis leads 57-43. At this moment, Casey Jacobsen subs in, clearly in it for some three point shooting while the getting's good.

- Mike Rice calls Darko Millisits "Millishits". I'd like that to have been Freudian, but it wasn't. He's just bad at commentating.

- Mike Conley continues to destroy Steve Blake, which is more of a damning statement about Blake than it is an endorsement for Conley. Sitll, he looks good.

- It's now halftime, Memphis are leading 61-49, and I opt to enjoy one of the major advantages of taped delayed games - I skip straight to the second half, ignoring the tedious half time show. Yup.

- Damon Stoudamire is back out on the floor to start the second half, and Mike Rice is quick to congratulate him on being Damon Stoudamire. He calls him "Super Mouse", "one of my favourites", and a man who "knows everything about the game, like Danny Ainge". Make your own jokes here. I'll just roll my eyes at the Super Mouse thing.

- Steve Blake, would you PLEASE let Brandon Roy touch the ball? I know you're officially the point guard, but Roy is a better one of those than you are.

- Channing Frye is also back into the game, and he airballs a layup after expecting to draw contact that never came. Thw window is closing on this guy, I tell you.

- On another post move, Darko Milicic finally goes right. It's an alien concept to him, and he travels.

- Mike Barrett makes a good point - is Mike Miller shutting down Brandon Roy? Roy certainly hasn't done much yet, and Miller has chased him relentlessly off the ball, showing unusually good lateral quickness. So maybe he is shutting him down. Or maybe Steve Blake is shutting Roy down. Or maybe Roy's just doing his first half passiveness routine. Or all three.

- Super Mouse successfully runs a pick and roll with Millishits, who dunks the ball. While running back on defense, he inexplicably slaps himself in the face. I can only think that this was a Darius Miles shoutout that went a bit wrong.

- The Blazers are running some kind of promotion called the Steal Of The Game or something, in which you buy tickets for 10 games, get an 11th one free, and also get two free basketballs. Something like that, anyway. As Barrett reads out the scripted promotion speech for about the third time tonight, Rice randomly intercepts with the sentence "did you see what 'Sheed in Detroit the other night?". Barrett politely answers "yes", then continues with the rest of the speech. Barrett is a competent if not great announcer, but Mike Rice is making him look wonderful, beause of how bad Rice himself is. It's the ol' Joe Morgan and Jon Miller scenario in an NBA setting.

- It feels like only 5 years ago that Raef LaFrentz was a valued commodity and one of the league's best young centers. This is because it was. Capable of 5 blocks and 5 three pointers in any given night, LaFrentz was hot shit, , even if he couldn't stay healthy. And yet now, not far down the line, the injuries have caught up with him and he's left as an incredibly expensive DNP-CD machine. Upsetting, really. I like the fella. And he also looks like the drummer out of Scouting For Girls, a band that you've never heard of, but who I'm publicising because I'm their friend and because I can. Buy their stuff. Do it now. And tell your friends.

- Brandon Roy steals the ball on back to back possessions, both of which lead to baskets. On the first trip he leads the break, and on the second he finishes it. This leads to Mike Barrett reading out the rather amazing statistic (if I heard him correctly) that Portland had only 3 steals all season up until tonight. That's such an anomaly that I might have simply misheard him. Naturally, I couldn't be arsed to look it up and be sure.

- Both of those steals came on errant passes from the high post by Pau Gasol, who then throws it away on a third straight possession before being bailed out by a foul call on Webster, the pass intercepter. Why Memphis is suddenly giving it to Pau in the high post, where he can't do much, instead of feeding him in the low post where he did so much damage earlier, is a bloody good question that no one seems to have asked. Memphis still leads, but the lead is cut to 63-59, and Portland has momentum.

- After a Steve Blake turnover, Mike Miller is blocked again on the ensuing break, this time by Webster. It leads to a fastbreak going the other way, which LaMarcus Aldridge finishes with an and-1. The momentum is still very much with Portland, and Brandon Roy is starting to take over the game, collapsing the defense at will and running the entire offense to great effect. Just one question - where was this in the first half?

- Mike Rice calls Kyle Lowry "Kyle Lorry". It's not an accent thing. He just can't say any names, it appears.

- Pau Gasol goes to the bench with 4 fouls. This is a good thing, because in comes Brian Cardinal. Woohooooo!! The run-stopper himself.

- Incdientally, while looking up the other day any nicknames Mike Miller may have, the only one that I could find for him was "Skinny". It's pretty apparent why he doesn't go by this any more, so we need to find Miller a new nickname. Apply within.

- Stromile Swift is also in, and almost immediately commits a turnover. People need to end the comparisons with him and Tyrus Thomas - apart from being athletic and from LSU, there's basically nothing to it. When Stromile can pass and dribble like Tyrus, let me know. Portland scores on the subsequent possession, and it's a one point game.

- At this point, Brian Cardinal takes and makes a no-doubt three from the corner. I told you he was a run stopper.

- On a post up, Cardinal goes to take the charge on Aldridge, falls, but doesn't get a call. Aldridge jumps over him, dunks, and then taunts the stricken Cardinal. Be careful there, champ. Brian Cardinals lash out when they get angry, and they can be a very volatile beast.

- Speaking of LaMarcus Aldridge, he's scoring a lot tonight, but a lot of it comes from opportunity baskets. This isn't a bad thing, for it shows good all around offense on Portland's part, particularly by Brandon Roy and good instincts of Aldridge's part. It's just worth nothing. He's continuing to prove, though, that he isn't nearly the one dimensional jumpshooting offensive player that his haters seem to pigeon hole him has. Basically I'm saying that he's not Channing Frye.

- On a call regarding the possession arrow after a strip, the rookie referee overrules the white-headed-dark-eyebrowed Jimmy Clark, giving possession to Portland instead of Memphis. Replays show that the rook was righ tto do this, as Clark got the call wrong. So, does Mike Rice credit the rookie ref, given that he achiueve the unlikely triple headeer of getting the call right, having the balls to overrule the old timer, and also give a decision in Portland's favour? Does he bollocks. Instead, he credits Clark for letting the rook overrule him. Sometimes you have to wonder if Rice believes in this misguided inflexible referee hierarchy thing that he seems to have invented. It sure looks that way.

- Mike Rice then promptly calls Steve Blake "Steve Beck". I'm picking a lot on Mike Rice here, but it's impossible not to. To coin a phrase, he's fucking shite.

- Stromile Swift does one of those statement blocks where instead of simply catching the ball or caroming it to a team mate, he swats it into the first row, allowing Portland to regain possession. Old dog, new tricks, and all that jazz.

- Travis Outlaw, quiet thus far, makes a nice finish on the break, also getting a foul shot courtesy of a Brian Cardinal foul. Mike Rice compares the finish by Outlaw to Jerry West. The comparison is valid, given that they have had similar careers. Well, sorta. One is on the NBA Logo recognised by millions and weas thie shit both as a player and a GM, and one backs up Channing Frye. But essentially they are equals.

-

Not sure what I was trying to say here.

By the way, you know how women seem to love it when men have good handwriting? Well, I'm single. I think my handwriting reflects this.

- I truly appreciate Jarrett Jack's eyebrows. That is all.

- Stromile Swift commits an offensive foul as Przybilla takes charge. Mike Rice chooses that moment to heavily compliment the rookie ref for making the call. Wow. That was unexpected.

- On the ensuing possession, the rookie ref calls Travis Outlaw for a travel. Rice's comment: "I thought he [the ref] was improving". Again, the fact that the correct call was made gets overlooked. And I really don't think Rice said that with any hint of irony in his voice.

- We're treated to more Dunking Elvis action, and I'm still loving it. This should take place in the backround at all games at all times. I'm sold.

- Mike Rice asks the players of both teams to "bump and grind more". 'K.

- Cardinal turns down a wide (as in wiiiiiiiiide) open three, favouring the one-pass-too-many option instead. Apparently Brian Cardinals as a species don't get angry after all, but rather, they curl up into a ball like hedgehogs and wither. That's a shame.

- Darko Milicic is fouled on a missed layup, his fifth missed layup/dunk of the night. Mike Barrett - not deadpanning, just incorrect - mentions that Milicic has "been playing well tonight". A rare slip from Barrett, who is still being elevated to legendary status purely because of the inane sod next to him.

- This is the first game I've ever watched Mike Conley play. And I think I've gotten a pretty accurate scouting report on him - he's going left. Always.

- The game is tied at 79 after a Martell Webster three, one opened up from Brandon Roy once again collapsing the defense. Part way through last season, there were rumours about Brandon Roy playing point guard full time. These rumours were quickly shot down, and the signing of Steve Blake to go with Jarrett Jack and Sergio Rodriguez, as well as the drafting of Petteri Koponen and Taurean Green, seem to support the idea that it's not going to happen. However, given how good he is at it, it bloody well should. Or at least, they should bring in a high quality shooter and good defnsive player to play alongside him. Beck isn't it, and while Jack might be one day, he probably won't be. Ideas on a postcard please.

- Mike Rice double whammy - after Martell Grand National makes a defensive stop, Rice says "one time, you could make that play against Martell Webster, but not now in 207", and then calls Kyle Lowry "Lorry" for the second time. Both are seemingly meaningless slip-ups, but they are part of a long pattern of cock-ups that Rice has produced tonight. It's made weirder by the way that 8 words after calling him Lorry, and still in the same sentence, Rice manages to then get his name right. Strange times.

- I swear to God "Dude Looks Like A Lady" just played when Mike Miller was shooting a free throw.

- Mike Barrett comment during a Milicic miss - "inside to Darko, who hasn't scored in.....a couple of years". See, Mike Rice, that's how it's done. With good flow, correct names and some articulation, Barrett has managed to both make a funny and undo his previous mistake. Learn from this, and spend more than 8 seconds on your pre-game notes. If you took any.

- Darko is subbed out for Gasol, and pounds his chest on the way to the bench. This, plus the face slappage thing, make me believe that he's a bit of a masochist. Kinky.

- Straight away after the 4 foul Gasol re-enters, Portland goes straight at him, and LaMarcus Aldridge goes up with the left hand and finishes over him. Portland now leads 86-84 after trailing for most of the game, and they have nullified any consistent Memphis threat in the second half. Memphis haven't really had a plan, which hasn't helped. They've also slowed the pace right down after the earlier high tempo game was working for them, and this has played into Portland's hands. A Jarrett Jack three pointer makes it 89-84 to Portland.

- At this moment, the rookie referee calls an offensive three second violation on a Memphis player whose name I forgot to write down. Mike Rice treats this call with utter disdain, exclaiming "how can he call that?!?!?", citing the close end-game circumstance as his defense. He may have the vague outlines of a point had the offensive player not been there for nearer 14 seconds than three. Rice's hate for the rookie is renewed, as is mine for Rice. By the way, when I was aged 5, I ate a plate of rice and cabbage one day at school, and was then sick over my plate. I haven't deliberately eaten rice or cabbage since. True story. Dull story.

- "It must the the fourth quarter, for Brandon Roy has the ball in the middle". This observation by one of the Mike's At The Mikes is accurate, yet irritating - it doesn't need to be this way. Roy drives the lane, scores the bucket and a foul on Pau, misses the free throw, grabs his own offensive rebound, and makes a jumpshot from the wing. In case I haven't mentioned this before, Brandon Roy is the shit. Not shit, but THE shit.

- Jarrett Jack is having a good fourth quarter, and is now up to 14 points for the game after making a tough banker. I don't get why people underrate him so much, or why Portland seems so set to replace him. He's a nice player to have. Portland leads 95-90.

- Both teams have gone away from any kind of offensive strategy, and Brandon Roy and Roy gay take it in turns to isolate on every possession. Gay is quietly having a teriffic night with 30 points, but Portland has Roy, the edge, the home crowd and the momentum. Despite it being a close game with time left, you can't foresee Memphis winning it any more. Portland has just stepped up and taken it.

- On cue, Kyle Lowry grabs an offensive rebound and makes a putback with an and-1 possibility. Rice calls him "Mr Two Possession", the first Rice comment that I've agreed with. Watch Kyle Lowry destroy Dave Berri's Wages Of Wins ranking next season. It's going to happen.

- Jarrett Jack makes another three. Memphis has resumed a running game, pushing the ball on Portland makes like they did early to great effect, but it's a bit futile now, as Portland takes an insurmountable lead. Jack follows up his three with his third circus layup of the game, although it is wrongly waved off in favour of two free throws, both of which he makes.

- The final minute of the game is a free throw shooting contest, as Memphis tries in vain to close a near double digit Portland lead. Kyle Lowry misses two free throws as Portland makes theirs, helped out by a lane violation by a Memphis player with 22 seconds left (Mike Rice doesn't question the call, obviously). Portland closes out the game in a professional taking-care-of-business kind of way, and the better team won. The talent on show in this game was awesome, but Portland are that much further along in their development.

It's a game which, if you didn't watch it, you should have done. These two teams won't compete for anything this year, but they are two of the best young lineups in the league, both of whom know how to get out and run, making for exciting basketball. The fact that so many of my favourite white stiffs were on show as well was always a bonus. The game had something for everybody, and everything for somebody.

That somebody was me. I had a great time. I'd better go and write week three's game now.