Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 39

Each of these takes about 90 minutes to write. We're now on entry number 39. That means that I've spent roughly 60 hours over these past 6 weeks writing updates on the careers of assorted insignificant basketball players. That's kind of impressive, and kind of pathetic. Oh well. Only 30 hours left.

- Smush Parker started the season in the D-League, averaging 17.3 points, 4.5 rebounds, 7.5 assists and an almighty 5.1 turnovers per game for the Rio Grande Valley Vipers. He then pissed off to China, where he may have become literally the only American import whose numbers went down in the CBA. Parker averages 13.3 points, 4.9 rebounds, 4.0 assists and 3.2 steals for Guandong, numbers that are pretty unimpressive in purely relative terms. Luckily for Smush, I don't know his Chinese turnover numbers.

- I don't know what Cherokee Parks does now, but his sister Corey is no longer the bass player for seminal hard rock band Nashville Pussy, and hasn't been for about 8 years. Another really useful update for you here. Be grateful.

- Marlon Parmer spent some time earlier this season playing backup point guard for the Colorado 14ers, averaging 8.0 points and 3.6 assists, but was waived in January and has not signed elsewhere since.

- Ruben Patterson hasn't had a great couple of years. After a career year with the Bucks in the final year of his big contract, all Ruben could manage for the 2007/08 season was an unguaranteed minimum salary contract with the Clippers. He was then waived before the contract guarantee date, and didn't catch on with a playoff team. Patterson then joined the Nuggets for preseason this year, but never really had a legitimate shot at making the team, as the cost-cutting Nuggets didn't really want any of their five signings (despite having two open roster spots) because it would mean spending money to keep them. Patterson was subsequently waived, and hasn't signed elsewhere since, after a rumoured move to Spain didn't come off. Will he catch on with a playoff team for this deadline? Who knows. The Celtics, amongst others, could use him. But they won't have roster space once the deal for Stephon Marbury goes down, and for all of Marbury's faults, he's not the registered sex offender that Patterson is. You can't fault a team if they find that to be a severe detriment to signing him. So I'd guess that Ruben goes unsigned, again.

- Andre Patterson averaged 4.2 points and 2.7 rebounds in 10 games for the Reno Bighorns, got waived, then joined up with The Arse, where he currently averages 2.1 points and 2.8 rebounds in 11 games. In those combined 21 games, he has 74 points, 58 rebounds and 47 fouls. Not great.

- Rickey Paulding is with EWE Oldenburg, a German basketball team that also fosters elderley sheep. Paulding averages 14.1 points and 5.0 rebounds in the EuroChallenge for Oldenburg, who are still going strong in the competition, as well as 15.2 points and 4.5 rebounds in German league play. He leads the team in scoring in both competitions.

- Gary Payton is now appearing on NBA TV, where I am informed that he is cringeworthily bad. However, I've never seen him, and thus should not pass judgement. Not that this usually stops me.

- Anthony Peeler last played in December 2005 for Akasvayu Girona in Spain. He is now an assistant coach for Virginia Union University. Did you know that Anthony Peeler collects hats? Me neither, until just now. This is the kind of vital information that I'm committed to bringing you.

- Nikola Pekovic, Timberwolves draft pick this past summer, is with Panathinaikos in Greece. Pecker is averaging 12.1 points and 3.7 rebounds in 17.5 minutes a game in the Euroleague, alongside 11.5 points and 3.3 rebounds in 15.4 minutes per game in the Greek league. Great scoring rate, particularly for a 6'11 player, but work a bit harder on the boards, sir. I read somewhere sometime that the Timberwolves plan on bringing in Peckerwood in the summer of 2010, which in theory gives them a nie young big rotation of Pekovic, Al Jefferson and Kevin Love. But God only knows how that's going to work out on defense.

- Ben Pepper - who never left Oceania, apart from a very brief stint in the ABA at the turn of the century - is currently unsigned, and was for the whole of the past NBL (Australian league) season. I'm assuming he's retired, but can't find any proof of this.

- Finally, Kosta Perovic is averaging 11.2 points and 5.0 rebounds in 19.5 minutes per game for Valeniva in the Eurocup. That's quite good, and a hell of a lot more than Perovic showed with the Warriors last year.

(This entry took less than an hour. Nice. That gives me plenty of time to do other things. I'm now off to precariously balance some big things on top of some smaller things.)

Glen Davis brought to tears by seminal Phil Collins smash

There's being intense, and then there's being an idiot. We can only speculate as to which Kevin Garnett was being here. He's always been extremely intense - perhaps too intense - but lately, he's overdone it more and more and started being an idiot. Recently, Garnett has taunting people for no obvious reason, such as here with Raptors guard Jose Calderon:


And here, with Portland guard Jerry D. Bayless:



I saw him do that stupid crawling shit at some other point this year, although I've forgotten when. I seem to remember it was against the Cavaliers. In that instance, too, he taunted someone about a foot shorter than him after nothing significant had happened in the run-up to it. That's not intensity. That's being an idiot.

Still, at least he's now learned to pick on the bigger guys instead. Just a shame that they're his own big guys. And well done to you, Jerryd Bayless and Jose Calderon, for executing on the following play and making Garnett look a big goateed boob, and for neither backing down nor taking an unnecessary Anthony Peeler-esque swing at a man who's quite happy to (and quite good at) digging his own grave.

Not so well done to you, Glen Davis. But it's sweet that you care.

Aaron McKie Arrested In The Nick Of Time

At 7.15 this morning, I finally finished completing a project that I started many moons ago - to try and comprehensively list the criminal records of all current NBA players, as well as some from the recent past. This shit took months, deviated a little at times, and was at other times really, really boring. The occasional interesting discovery made it worthwhile - for example, did you know that Jalen Rose was once arrested in a drugs bust, that Paul Millsap was once arrested for aggravated assault, and that Anthony Peeler once went to alcohol rehab? - but for the most part, it was a grind. Thankfully, though, I got it done.

Literally minutes after I had finished, I check the day's news, and found that Aaron McKie and Rasual Butler had been arrested on weapons charges only yesterday.

- McKie
- Butler

There might be something systematically wrong with this league, you know. Things things happn pretty regularly. Already this offseason, those two, Joakim Noah, Chris Wilcox and Carlos Powell have been arrested, and I may be forgetting others. That's....quite a lot of people.

Anyway, the resource is now there, and also here, so be sure to look at it, and go "oooooh!!", and then tell your friends about it, so that they too might partake in an "oooooh!!". Or something more apathetic, like a "meh". Either way, it's a syllable. As with everything, 100% success and comprehensive is not guaranteed, but it IS pretty bitching. Submit any oversights to the usual address.

Where Are They Now? Part 29

Gary Payton says he's done. I hope he's right.

Anthony Peeler played briefly in Spain after his NBA career ended, but that was three years ago now.

Ben Pepper is in his native Australia, playing for the Townsville Crocodiles. I am not sure that he's ever left Australia in the 9 years since he was drafted.

Wesley Person is D-U-N done.

Brent Petway is playing for the Idaho Stampede of the D-League, where he averages 7.2 points, 3.8 rebounds, and 1.5 blocks a game.

Tim Pickett averages a whopping 21.2 points and 5.1 rebounds for a not partciularly good Italian team called Aget Imola.

Kevinn Pinkney is playing for Angelica Biella in Italy. If you've been paying really close attention and have a fantastic memory, you will remember that others plays for that team include Keith Langford, Brandon Hunter and B.J. Elder. So, something for everybody there. Pinkney averages roughly 13 points and 7 rebounds a game, while he also remains unable to spell his own name.

J.R. Pinnock averages just less than 15 points and 4 fouls a game (not a typo) for Kolossus in Greece, alongside Curtis Stinson, also known as "50 Cent".

Kevin Pittsnogle is playing for the Albuquerque Thudnerbirds of the D-League, for whom he averages 15.7 points and 6.2 rebounds. But, more importantly, this is what Kevin Pittsnogle wore to his own wedding. This is the kind of information that you need to know. It also bears mentioning that someone out there is now know as Mrs Pittsnogle.

Zoran Planinic is in his second year playing for Tau Vitoria in Spain. He averages 10.1 points, 3.2 rebounds and 3.0 assists a game.

Pavel Podkolzin, who you could flatteringly describe as "a mis-step", is back in Russia playing alongside Lee Nailon for Lokomotiv Novosybirsk. I have no dull stats here, so just assume he's still crap.

Olden Polynice seems to have finally accepted that retirement is the best move for his 44 year old arse.