Where Are They Now, 2010; Part 7

Gilbert Arenas was suspended indefinitely today, where "indefinitely" is implied to mean "for the rest of the season at least." I don't really have an opinion on that, apart from to state the obvious. Which I won't do.

But here's one thing to note; the financial repercussions of the suspension.

Disregarding the possible voiding of the contract for a moment - I'm not a lawyer and won't profess to understand all the technicalities behind this - the suspension impacts the Wizards' current salary situation too. As things stand, the Wizards are about $8 million over the luxury tax threshold, and with no obvious means of getting under it. The players they want to dump (Mike James, DeShawn Stevenson) are undumpable, and they have nine players earning $3 million or more, tied with Portland for second in the league (the Knicks have ten). But this suspension gives them a means with which they can get nearer to getting under it.

50% of money not received by players suspended by the league is deducted from the team's cap. If a player loses an even $1 million in salary through suspension, then a team can deduct $500,000 from their salary cap number (and thus their luxury tax calculations). So by being suspended, Arenas has inadvertently aided the Wizards in their previously futile quest to dodge the luxury tax.

One thing I don't actually know is whether salary lost due to suspension is calculated based on games or days missed. It doesn't make a huge amount of difference to the general point though. So far in the season, 71 days have passed (not including today), and the Wizards have played 32 games. Therefore, regardless of whether you use 32/82nds of Gilbert's $16,192,079 salary ($6,318,860) or 71/170ths ($6,762,574), the fact remains that the suspension will cost Gilbert over $9 million if it is season long.

So if Arenas is indeed suspended for the remainder of the season, the Wizards will get about $4.5 million nearer to dodging the luxury tax. At that point, it becomes attainable.

How do the Wizards feel about this? Happy, surely. Must be. They needed to blow the team up because they built a bad one. They were losing, woefully underachieving, ill-fitting and WAY over budget. They mismanaged it badly, spending money badly and wasting basketball assets, compiling an inefficient roster of shooters and sulkers, and they were the most fail franchise in the NBA. Even moreso than the 3-31 Nets, who at least and a plan and some youth. Now, they've gotten an out clause. The Lord had mercy. Not sure why.

Sucks for the fans, though. The fans always are the victims. Sorry, people. Maybe next year.



- Andrew Betts

Betts is in Greece playing for Aris Thessaloniki. He is averaging 8.2 points, 5.8 rebounds and 1.8 assists per game in the Eurocup, alongside 10.8 points and 5.0 rebounds per game in the Greek league. At age 32, Betts is not the player he once was, but he's still got a lot of love to give.

Aris played a Eurocup game last night that was on TV over here, but I forgot to record all but the last twenty minutes of it because I was too busy playing Farmville. It's this level of dedication to the cause that's going to see all my NBA ambitions fulfilled.



- Patrick Beverley

Heat draft pick Beverley is with Olympiakos. He started the year on the bench, played a bit, then moved to the inactive list as the team is only allowed to suit up 6 non-Greeks for every Greek league game. Beverley became the inactive list guy in late November, yet fought back to win the spot from Von Wafer, and ended up playing decent minutes for a couple of weeks. But then he was returned to the bench, as Olympiakos continue to have a rotation as consistent as Spencer Hawes. On the season, Beverley is averaging 4.8 points, 3.8 rebounds, 2.3 assists and 0.9 steals in 17 minutes per game in the Greek league, along with 3.5 points, 2.1 rebounds, 0.9 assists and 1.0 steals in 13 minutes per game in the Euroleague.



- Tyrell Biggs

Pittsburgh graduate Biggs is also in Greece, as a team mate of A.J. Abrams, Kasib Powell and the insatiable Mark Dickel at Trikalla. His season to date has been pretty awful, however, averaging only 6.2 points and 2.3 rebounds in 20 minutes per game and shooting 36% from the field. If you need a 36% shooting power forward who grabs 4.6 rebounds per 40 minutes, then Biggs is your man, but you probably don't need that. Biggs was great in high school, so much so that he was a member of the Under-18 USA National team. But since then, not a whole lot has gone right.



- Nemanja Bjelica

I've tried not to mention too many upcoming draft prospects in this list; if I was going to do them all, I would have spent a good 14,000 words or so declaring my undying love for Dogus Balbay already. But Nemanja Bjelica is one that I will cover, mainly because I don't quite get it.

On the season, Bjelica is averaging 5.8 points, 4.1 rebounds, 3.1 fouls and 1.6 assists per game in the Adriatic League for Crvena Zvezda, alongside 6.0 points, 7.6 rebounds, 2.4 fouls and 1.2 assists in the Eurocup. I have seen two Eurocup games of his this season, as well as multiple times in international competition for Serbia. And either I'm only catching him on bad dayys, or this guy is not the next Toni Kukoc after all. For all his supposed ball handling skills in a 6'10 frame, Bjelica never actually does any ball handling; more than anything, there's lots of standing in the corner, and very few touches. He defers the ballhandling to the better ballhandlers, which is kind of noble, yet also worrisome, because there always are some. He's not a very good shooter, is slender, and is offensively awkward. Can't say I see the intrigue here, really. Not until he refines his skill to the point that he can actually be a mismatch.



- Joseph Blair

Blair has not played since March 2009 when he left Spartak St Petersburg. In the season up until that point, he had averaged 8.2ppg, 8.0rpg and 1.5apg in only 24mpg, with the season's major highlight being his initiating of a brawl that to 16 players being ejected. Somehow, Joseph was not one of the 16. Good times.

I don't know whether he's retired, injured, or just out of work. What I do know is that neither of his websites work any more; both blairplayers.com and josephblair.com now both redirect to a picture of this doable blonde:





EDIT: Retired, apparently.



- Lavell Blanchard

Former Michigan standout and Raptors signee Blanchard is in the Ukraine playing for Khimik. He averages 17.6 points and 9.4 rebounds per game in the EuroChallenge, alongside 13.4 points and 5.5 rebounds per game in the Ukranian Superleague. I like the way some leagues like to prefix the word "league." Gives it a slight dictatorial whimsy to it.



- Corie Blount

Still in prison, I think.

It's hard to know for sure, but Corie Blount seems to have a Twitter account. On it are no Tweets, but there IS a picture of a man that looks decidedly like Corie Blount wearing a sombrero. Happy about that. But is it the best potentially-real NBA player Twitter account out there? No; that honour belongs to James Posey, whose only two tweets are pretty divine.



- Tony Bobbitt

After two years out of the game, Bobbitt reappeared in the D-League this season. For the expansion Maine Red Claws, Bobbitt is averaging 8.4 points, 2.1 rebounds, 1.3 assists and 1.5 steals in 20 minutes per game, shooting 44% from the field, 46% from three point range and 93% from the foul line.

Despite a jury's recommendation that the man who killed Bobbitt's mother in a premeditated murder should be given the death sentence, the judge overruled the decision and instead sentenced him to life without the possibility of parole. I've never written that before.



- Dejan Bodiroga

Bodiroga, who retired in 2007, was the general manager of Lottomatica Roma until recently. He left the team in June 2009 and is currently a candidate for the vacant role of President of the Basketball Federation of Serbia.



- Calvin Booth

Booth spent last between Sacramento and Minnesota, for whom he put up a PER of 39.8. God bless one minute sample sizes. He is now retired, if not officially, and is trying to get a post-playing basketball career going. Booth is in the NBA Players Association Coaching Program, and attended the Reebok Eurocamp on his own dollar, to enhance his knowledge base and hsi credentials as a scout. What all this crescendos to, we'll wait and see.



Finally.....

- Will Blalock

Blalock is in the D-League, a teammate of Bobbitt's at the Maine Red Claws. He got back into the NBA this October as a training camp invite of the Nets, but he never stood a chance of making the team due to the Nets contract situation, a contract situation which is also currently preventing from trading Eduardo Najera's 2010 unfriendly contract to the Mavericks. For the Red Calws, Blalock is averaging 6.3 points, 5.5 assists, 2.7 rebounds and 2.2 turnovers in 24 minutes per game, while struggling a bit with his weight.

But there is a reason for all of that.

In last year's Where Are They Now series, I wrote the following:

Will Blalock averages a piddly 5.6 points, 2.4 rebounds and 2.0 assists for Artland Dragons Quakenbrueck.

In the summer, I wrote this:

......while Will Blalock is very much a point guard, I don't think the answer to the Pacers' point guard problem lies in a man who averaged 4.5 points and 2.1 assists in the German league last season.

And at the start of training camp, I wrote this:

He spent the 2007/08 season mainly in the D-League (with a brief Israeli flirtation in there somewhere), and then he spent last year in Germany, where he averaged 4/2 for Quakenbrueck. That means he's gone from 4/2 in the German league to a spot on an NBA roster. Strange times. Someone buy the movie rights.

What I was too busy being flippant to notice was that Will Blalock had a stroke in March 2008. I keep my ear pretty to the ground and have almost no life outside of basketball, yet somehow I did not know about this. It seems to have gotten MSM coverage at all, and while this article carries the story, it wasn't written until over a year after the fact. Therefore, the news completely bypassed me until Jonathan Givony told me about it yesterday. And so that's why those slightly acerbic comments were written by a man who wants to be remembered as being funny and interesting, but who is actually neither.

Sorry, Will Blalock. And congratulations on your comeback thus far.

Also, there's some good news in there somewhere. Blalock is not what he was - yet - but he has returned from a stroke to play professional basketball to a pretty good standard. Another former NBA player to have had a stroke was Juaquin Hawkins, who suffered one in January 2008 while playing for the Gold Coast Blaze in Australia. He returned to play in Australia the following season, and also played in the IBL this summer. He was not as good as he was before the stroke, but that might well be explained by the way he just turned 36. The downward progression in his statistics is pretty normal for a man of that age.

This, therefore, should be good news to former Wizards and Hornets big man James Lang, who suffered a stroke only six weeks ago. Those two have returned to play the game coming back from the same ailment as he. And so for Lang, it's not over either.

Where Are They Now, 2009; Part 5

- Esteban Batista was recently released by Maccabi Tel-Aviv by mutual consent, after barely playing for their new coach, Pini Gershon. His playing time was so sparse that he wasn't even travelling with the team towards the end of his stay. Batista quickly became Nenad Krstic's targeted replacement for Triumph Libby Kennedy in Russia, but never signed with the team (despite reports that he did) due to his dislike of the cold Russian weather. The pussy. For Maccabi, Batista averaged 3.6 points and 2.6 rebounds in Euroleague play.

- Former Grizzly Mike Batiste has fashioned a career as one of the better players in Europe. He is now into his sixth season with Panathinaikos, averaging team highs in points (12.6) and rebounds (4.), while shooting an amazing 74% from the field. Somewhere along the line, Batiste also managed to become a Bulgarian citizen. I have no idea how he did this.

- Sixers draft pick Edin Bavcic signed this very week with the Koeln 99ers in Germany, thus halfway to proving that my tenuous no-return-to-the-NBA-from-the-German-league allegation is, once again, ill-founded and stupid. Unfortunately for E-Bav, the other half of that claim - getting to the NBA - is going to be a lot harder to achieve.

- Lonny Baxter is out of jail and playing for Panionios in Greece. (Note: if a team name starts with P and has no E's in it, it's probably Greek.) He averages team highs in points (13.1) and rebounds (6.7).

- Jerome Beasley has played basically everywhere since falling out of the NBA. Since being waived by the Miami Heat in late 2004, Beasley has played in the CBA, Turkey, Spain, Poland, the D-League, Australia, the D-League again, Venezuela, the Dominican Republic, Spain again, and Israel. Now, he finds himself in that most fabled of basketball powerhouses, Holland, where he averages 16.6 points and 8.3 rebounds for the Eiffel Towers Den Bosch. Someone once told me why they were called the Eiffel Towers. All I remember is that it was better not knowing.

- Sani Becirovic averages 10.9 points, 3.0 rebounds, 3.8 assists and 3.0 steals for Lottomatica Roma in Italy. However, unless you're a Denver Nuggets fan, you might be more interested in who his backup is - Brandon Jennings. But I won't spoil the suspense and tell you how well Jennings is doing - give it six weeks, and this series of posts will have reached the letter J. At that point, we can do the damn thing.

- Mirza Begic is a big old Bosnian who went undrafted back in 2007. But that doesn't mean he's no good. Playing for Union Olimpija Ljubljana in Slovenia (also a Euroleague team), Begic has averaged 10.4 points, 6.0 rebounds and 1.6 blocks in Euroleague play, as well as 9.0 points, 4.5 rebounds and 2.4 blocks in Adriatic League player. What you have there is a 23 year old late blooming 7'2 shot blocker, with some offensive talent, playing well against one of the higher standards of professional basketball around. If this man is not at least on your radar, then your radar's broke.

- Troy Bell is playing in the Italian second division with Vanoli Soresina (which to me sounds both a dermatological problem, and the brand name of the cream to cure it). Playing alongside rather unimpressive competition, Bell averages 19.5 points, 4.1 rebounds and 3.4 steals per game, while shooting 34$ from three point range, which may or may not be evidence of an upward trend with regards to his jumpshot. Bell also averages 1.1 assists per game, which is exactly the number that your 6'1 point guard would have. Any less, and he'd just be being greedy.

- Jonathan Bender is still retired, and probably always will be. But he's not inactive - he has a charitable organisation (the Jonathan Bender foundation) and an entrepeneurshippy thing (Jonathan Bender Enterprises, a real estate development and property management company). Both of those organisations are based in New Orleans, helping to restore the city's infrastructure. Bender also owns an Italian wine company, a record label, an island in the Carribean, multiple real estate holdings, and is trying to patent a fitness device called "Bender Bands". (Buy one, just for the name alone.) This comes from a man who was drafted straight out of high school.

- Rod Benson went to France, barely played, and has subsequently returned to the D-League with the Dakota Wizards. And now, I will make the joke that I made last week one more time: I guess Nancy had had too much Rod Benson!!!! (You had better give that the laughter that it deserves.)

- Travis Best said that it would be his last season. He said that three seasons ago while leaving the NBA for Europe. He clearly lied, or couldn't shift the Euro bug, because he's still playing, now on his fourth European team. For Air Avellino, playing alongside Tamar Slay and Eric Williams (the Wake Forest centre, not the old arsed ex-Celtic forward), Best averages 10.0 points, 3.7 assists and 2.5 steals, useful numbers from an old man.

- Finally, and most importantly, English ledge Andy Betts is alarmingly unsigned. This needs to change, as does my habit of starting every last entry with the word "finally".

Summer signings, round 11

- Darius Rice has left the immortally named Purefoods Tender Juicy Giants from the Phillipines, and is about to sign with Montegranaro in Italy. I think that translates as "Bread Mountain". I hope it does, anyway.

- A previous blog post talked about how Ivan Radenovic had had his contract with Akasvayu Girona extended. That news is now bunkum, for Girona have gone bankrupt, and are not playing this upcoming season. This leaves Radenovic now unsigned, unattacthed, undervalued and undernourish. (I still want you to buy Scouting For Girls CD's, by the way. I will keep pushing this until you do it. Buy buy buy.)

- The "points per shot" fans amongst us - basically me and me only - were extremely moist to hear that the Philadelphia 76ers have signed shooting guard Kareem Rush to form an incisive and efficient off-guard partnership with the incumbent Willie Green. These two players have a role to play for the Sixers, in that they are the only two guards currently under contract who can actually hit a three point shot. This is a positive. But the negative side-effect is that both of these players are really, really bad. The pair are both deemed "one dimensional scorers", but neither is any good at scoring. Willie Green last season scored 921 points on 870 shots, for a spectacularly bad 1.06 points per shot, a number that still somehow managed to raise his career average to a heady 1.02. Rush is even worse, scoring 588 points on 569 shots last year for a 1.03 PPS average, against a catastrophic career average of 1.01. Yeesh.

For the sake of a point of reference, free agent Sixers backup point guard Kevin Ollie has a career points per shot average of a modest 1.21. That from a man who has 9 made career three pointers. Technically, if you need someone to hit a shot, you are better served going to Kevin Ollie than Kareem Rush or Willie Green. While that statement lacks important context....it's something to think about. Supposed "scorers" suck at scoring, and it's not difficult to see this.

- In one of the more bizarre moves of the offseason so far, the Detroit Pistons signed Kwame Brown for $8 million over 2 years. How the HELL does Kwame Brown still keep getting these huge salaries? Have people not noticed that he's really bad, and has gotten worse for 4 years?

(Hey, do you remember when Kwame Brown was an athletic power forward with a decent face-up offensive game, reasonable touch, a shot, and the ability to catch? Yeah, me too. I want that Kwame back. Not this slow old centre who doesn't need to try or care anymore as people keep paying him anyway.)

- Former Net prospect Mile Ilic has signed for two years with Cajasol Sevilla in Spain. He replaces English legend, Andy Betts. I am not happy about this.

- The L.A. Clippers have used the last of their cap space on Ricky Davis. In terms of value, it's not a bad signing. The same could be said of their acquisition of Marcus Camby and Baron Davis. But what the Clippers have now is a nice veteran team, that isn't going anywhere. They might make the playoffs, but what then? What's going to put them over the top? Not sure. But, still. It'll be nice to have at least that, I guess.

(Bonus points to Art Vandelay for making the Joke I Wish I'd Thought Of: "I guess Baron Davis was just an addition to help Ricky score." If you don't know what that references, you suck.)

The Clippers are also reportedly talking to Shaun Livingston and Paul Davis, both of whom they have already renounced, but both of which would be decent pickups for the minimum. All told, they've had a reasonable if mismanaged offseason.

- Pistons draft pick Trent Plaisted has signed with Angellico Biella in Italy. You know that joke that I always make about Angellico Biella? Well, I'm not going to make it this time. No way. Nope. Non. Nein.

- The Raptors signed Will Solomon on the basis that they needed a third point guard, and they hadn't signed anyone from a European league for about three weeks. (I'm sorry, but if they want the stereotype to stop, they know what to do.) The fact that Solomon isn't really a point guard is something we'll overlook for the moment.

- Consistent NBA oversight Zendon Hamilton is still fighting the good fight, switching Russian teams from Enisey Krasnoyarsk to Spartak Primorie Vladivostok. Hamilton averaged 19ppg and 8.4 rpg last season on a really bad team, which is something that I just wanted you to know.

- Finally tonight, a rumour. The Bulls are apparently talking to the Kings about a trade that would involve Brad Miller, Cedric Simmons, Andres Nocioni and a lottery protected first round pick. The link comes from this blog, which you will never have heard of before, because it hasn't existed for very long. Normally, this is the kind of thing we should disregard off-handedly, but the guy who runs the blog has a proven reputation, and has been breaking Bulls news for a number of years now. Just not in the form of that blog. (He has a family connection within the Bulls front office, or something. Can't remember exactly.)

Will it come to fruition? I don't know. I hope so. But if it does, remember that you heard it here first. And if it doesn't, remember that you heard it there and there only, and all I did was steer you towards it, thus this is in no way my fault.

Where Are They Now? Part 4

Jerome Beasley is playing for Ironi Ramat Gan of the Israeli league.

Sani Becirovic, 2003 draft pick of the Denver Nuggets, is forming a three headed European-guards-who-couldn't-quite-cut-it-in-the-NBA monster, along with Sarunas Jasikevicius and Vassilis Spanoulis, for Panathinaikos of Greece.

Mirza Begic is back playing for Olimpia Ljubljana in his native Slovenia. If that was of interest to you, congratulate yourself on being the only person interested in the career of Mirza Begic.

Troy Bell has had short stints at assorted European destinations since being waived by Memphis with his rookie contract still running, and his continued inability to shoot ensures that these stays are all short. He is currently playing with Fastweb Casale Monferrato in Italy's Lega 2. The big time awaits.

Jonathan Bender continues to wait for the onset of medical science to find a soultion to his knee cartilage problem, but he's not resting on his laurels - he's now in the philanthropy industry. What a legend.

Rod Benson is playing for the Dakota Wizards of the D-League and still writing away.

Travis Best said he was going to retire after the 2005 season, and then didn't. He continues to play in Europe, currently for La Fortezza Bologna of Italy.

Andrew Betts is still carrying the British basketball team, even if Luol Deng has rudely muscled in on his patch lately. Betts is playing for Seville, in Spain.

Joseph Blair is currently signed in Russia, for Spartak Vladivostock. And he still has two websites.

Will Blalock is playing for the Anaheim Arse of the D-League. (Due to a maturity problem, I shall refer to them as the Arse at all times, in place of their full name, Arsenal.)

LaVell Blanchard - THE LaVell Blanchard - is playing for Clermont in France. The French league is rather bad. So is LaVell Blanchard. And Clermont are stone cold last in the French ProA standings. So it all works out fine for everyone.

Corie Blount has retired and taken himself out of the NBA altogether, just like all of the greats should do.



More later.

Kobe Bryant

Today is the day on which it hath been decreed by someone called Matt that NBA fans the world over are to loudly vociferate their rampant and slightly homosexual man-love for Kobe Bryant. Whether or not you like Kobe has been deemed irrelevant - today, we talk about him nicely, for today is the day that the Lakers face Toronto, the team which Bryant obfuscated and subjugated on the way to his Jalen Rose-induced 81 point outing.

(Sorry, I'm just playing with an online thesaurus. I'm also on a bet to try and get "imbibe" (to drink) in this post. And I can't shave Drew Gooden's beard off until it's done.)

You may expect at this point to be swamped with the kind of Kobe-related trivial bollocks (the unsuccessful follow-up to Trival Pursuit) that defines this website. Perhaps you would expect a list of anagrams of Kobe Bryant's name. Or perhaps you would want to see a list of Kobe Bryant lookalikes. Perhaps you would prefer to see an archive of photographs of all the women that Kobe has obfuscated over the years. (By the way, I'm trusting that that word really does mean "dominated".) Perhaps you want to see video clips of him playing, offered up in lieu of any actual written analysis. Or perhaps you just want to see pictures of him looking a bit gay.

Well, as L.A. Clippers fans used to say, you'll ne'er be disappointed if you have only pitiful expectations to begin with. So here are those things.



1) Toby Banker; Bye, rat knob; Nobby taker; Botany Berk; Try-on kebab. (Yeah, they're all crap, what do I care.)

2)

3)

4)


5) ....Oh Christ, there's millions.



Yet, in addition to all of that anti-climactic petulance, today is a day for celebrating the more basketball related facets of basketball, something rarely done around here. (And something never done without wildly overzealous amounts of parentheses.)

This does, however, present a problem. With so many people blogging about the same subject on the same day, it's going to be difficult to find anything unique enough to say. This is a problem that I struggle with a lot, as evidence by the title of this post.

What approach can I take? What can I say that hasn't been said? What angle article will not have been taken? Maybe I could do some comparisons. Is Kobe the best player in the game today? Is he the best thing since Michael Jordan's sliced bread? Will he win another ring without Shaq? Did he rape her? Will he ever win an MVP award?

No. I shan't. These questions have all been done to death. And they're also not very exciting. I need something insightful.

(Answers to those questions, in order: not quite, so far, probably, innocent until proven guilty, don't know or care.)

So, in place of actual thought, effort, graft or insight, I'll turn to the thing that I know best, and what appeals most to the captivated audience of 5 people: My earliest NBA memories.



For those unaware and yet interested enough to have read this far, I am an Englishman. And, like so many of my Englishman peers, I live in England. If you've never been to England, it may or may not come as a shock to you that the sport of basketball here is about as widespread and savoured as the ebola virus, and despite the NBA's unsubtle efforts to liberally daub our nation's fine capital in basketball's highest calibre custard, the sport remains a distinct afterthought, having to compete with Argentinian soccer and The World's Strongest Man for early hours TV coverage. Britain and basketball go together about as well as America with dieting, Damon Jones with humility, Gary Payton with an understanding of the ravages of time, and the French with steely resolve. And your country's basketball outlook would be the same if your national team shamefully boasted the powerhouse high/low post threat of Robert Archibald and Andy Betts.

(Mind you, if Steve Nash and Michael Olowokandi switched their allegiances, we could have one hell of a running game. Just as long as Olowokandi, Betts and Archibald weren't involved.)

In recent times, though, multi-toothed overrated starlet Luol Deng has decided that he wants to be English more than he wants to be Sudanese or American. This decision, which I would imagine to have been about as simple as deciding whether to deliberately contract rabies or not, has led to a renewed interest from all 15 basketball fans left in this country. With Deng obtaining a British passport, with the potential addition of Ben Gordon, and with the British nations combining to form the first ever British basketball team, the sport has a new zest for life over here, as evidenced by the fact that we we now get one game a week (often live, sometimes taped delayed) played at 1am on Tuesday nights/Wednesday mornings. Woohoo!

This wasn't always the case, however. As the incoherent ramblings on the profiles of Austin Croshere and Pat Garrity allude to, our NBA coverage used to be even more limited than this. A Saturday morning magazine show existed in the early to mid 90's, but then disappeared, and for a while there was nothing but tumbleweed. Then, in 1999, a different channel started runnning a half-hour Saturday afternoon magazine show, cleverly called NBA '99, and presented by the lovely Beverley Turner.


In 1999, I was 15 years old. What does a 15 year old boy does at 2pm on a Saturday afternoon, particularly when he lives in the middle of nowhere?

He sits indoors, and channel hops looking for the attractive ladies. Obviously.

This is what I did. I doubt I was alone. (Well, I was alone while I was watching it, but what I mean is I'm sure other people did this too. Maybe.)

What I didn't realise, having never played basketball in school or otherwise, was that I actually quite liked the sport. It only took about 20 minutes for me to realise that I wasn't watching the show for Beverley Turner any more, but for the sport itself. (And that's no slight on Beverley Turner, who we can clearly see is basically perfect.) From there, I became an avid watcher of the sport, recording every magazine show and imbibing (hooray!) every last morsel of NBA coverage that was thrown our way. These morsels were few and far between, but each was savoured more than the last, and I'm not ashamed of the fact that I can remember entire pieces of Kevin Harlan's commentary from the Knicks versus Pacers Eastern Conference Finals series of that season. Which explains my Marcus Camby love.

A new NBA fan was born, and a pathetically keen one at that. It took only the purchase of a copy of Total NBA '96 for the Playstaton to cement a powerful life-long lust towards the art of watching men in shorts run around sweating. (And by "purchase", I mean "borrow from an acquiaintance to whom you have no intention of ever given it back". I still have it.)

Yet only the half-hour weekend magazine show offered any actual coverage. Total NBA '96 could only teach a man so much - its rather antiquated game engine based a player's scoring ability off of their previous season's shooting percentages, which made from great fun halfcourt shootouts between Olden Polynice and Eric Mobley, both of whom went 1-1 on threes the previous season. These were also pre-internet days, if only in this household, and so my entire NBA knowledge stemmed from what I could collate from 3 minute highlight montages of games.

For some bizarre reason, such highlight montages seemed to focus on the usually white bench players. Or at least, that's how I remember them. Despite hiring former Olympic sprinter Derek Redmond as Beverley's co-presenter, purely to meet an ethnic minorities quota, the coverage then focused on the flair plays of not particularly good white guys, such as Croshere and Garrity, or Jason Williams and Vlade Divac. (Except those two were brilliant, obviously.) This trend continued to see out the whole of the 1999 NBA season, and was odd and yet brilliant. (Oh and for all doubters out there, you know Pat Garrity's got flair.)


In 2000, however, the show underwent a couple of changes. Gone was the original title, as the show was now called NBA 2000, the producers mercifully refusing to go for the 2K abbreviation. Also gone was Derek Redmond, as he was no longer needed to fill a black person quota due to the show's inclusion of Michael Olowokandi as a presenter. (I'm not making this up.) While Beverley Turner would hold down all the in-studio work, the three players in the league at that time with English connections - however tenuous - would host their own little pieces to camera, with varying degrees of success. Steve Nash (before he was good) would have a brief segment on record holders throughout the history of the game, Olowokandi (before he was crap) would have a little slot describing some of the rules of the game for those who did not understand, and John Amaechi (before he was gay) had short interviews with Beverley about multiple uninteresting subjects.

If you're wondering why all this is relevant to Kobe Bryant, you'll now find out.

Kobe started getting his own little airtime toward the end of the series, too, in which he chose his own personal favourite starting 5, one per week, and then talked about them to camera for a bit. It was, to those of us whose NBA knowledge was limited to Polynice's three point range and White Chocolate's inevitable superstardom, our first introduction to Kobe Bryant. Kobe chose himself as a sixth man for his list, seemingly leaned on by producers to do so, and immediately following this were some highlights of Kobe's play and highlights of a recent Lakers game.

I liked him.

And there, over 1700 convoluted words in, we finally arrive at my point - I like Kobe Bryant.



I don't need to fake liking him for today, for I already do like him. I know that, as a non-Laker NBA fan, I should dislike him for so many reasons. I know that he's an arrogant little git. I know that I should dislike him for being outrageously good. I know that I should dislike him because of all his endless dick-riders who talk about how fantastic he is at all times, despite this not being his fault. As a Bulls fan, I know that I should dislike him for that whole anti-climactic trade talk surrounding him to open this season, despite that also not being his fault. I should hate him for the fact that he's a massive bastard, and for his constant overexposure to which we are subjected every minute of every day. (Assuming you have dull days, that is.) And, if I were to be as stubbornly intolerant as some of my peers, I'd hate him for the consensual sex outside of marriage that led to an unsubstantiated rape accusation. (Seriously. Some people are still powerfully into that thing. Gotta let that go, you know?)

But I don't hate him. I kind of like him. And I can't explain that.



As an Englishman, you are trained from a young age that supporting the underdog is an enjoyable and infinitely more worthwhile experience. It is a mindset first installed into young minds during Second World War lessons at secondary school, and one that is carried over to the world of tennis, where we turn up at Wimbledon in all our pomp and regalia and then we lose.

This is the reason why I support the Chicago Bulls - having gotten into the NBA in 1999, when Chicago was staple gunned to the foot of the Eastern Conference standings, they seemed like the logical team to support. For those not aware of how this logic works; if you support a team that isn't any good, it's hard to be upset when they lose, because they're supposed to lose anyway. But, if they win, bonus! False hope rules! (Note: The L.A. Clippers were actually worse that year. But, unlike the Bulls, I'd never heard of them. Nor was I entirely sure what haircare products had to do with basketball team names.)

So where does my liking of Bryant stem from, given that it flies in the face of my national identity as a futility chaser? I couldn't say.

Maybe it stems from a lifelong desire to be deliberately obtuse and contrarian.

Maybe I'm totally lusting and gay after him. (NOTE - unlikely, because I'm straight. Thought I should clarify this.)

Maybe his eloquence and surprisingly good humour during his guest spots on NBA 2000 sold him to me.

Maybe I'm just won over by how extremely good the man is.


To be honest, I don't know.

Whatever reason it is, Kobe Bryant has achieved something in this country that has only previously been achieved by Shaquille O'Neal and Michael Jordan. Non-NBA fans - of which there are about 55 million - have heard of Kobe Bryant. (The rape trial helps with this, but play along anyway.) They might not know anything about him, and most of them may spell his name like Kobe Karl's by mistake. Yet they have heard of him. When discussing today's Kobe Celebration Day with a female friend not even remotely interested in basketball, she re-affirmed this point by telling me that she knew who Kobe Bryant was before I'd even asked if she knew of him.

(She then followed up this statement with the seminal sentence, "oh there's that other one, isn't there? Shawn O'Shearer?". Good times. Sorry, Shaq.)

So when you watch Kobe be his brilliant self, and whether this makes your heart a-flutter or your anger arise, remember that you are arguably watching the best basketball player that you will ever watch. Even when he annoys you, be grateful that he makes you care enough to be annoyed by him. Where you want to place him in the all-time hierarchy is an unwinnable debate, so choose your own stance on the issue. But, wherever you place him, you know he's up there. So savour it.

Not just today, but every time he plays, and every play he makes. Because he really is special.




And for the love of God, can someone PLEASE show me where to watch the 81 point game? I still haven't seen it.