The Detroit Pistons will complete the trade of backup shooting guard Alex Acker to the Los Angeles Clippers today.
There's nothing quite like the buzz that you get from accurately predicting the bleeding obvious. Nothing like it. With that in mind, I'm going to start predicting things such as when unguaranteed players are going to get waived, when they're 72 hours short of their guarantee date. This is going to be the most accurately accurate NBA website in the world, and you're all going to be all like "wow! Everything he predicts is right!" This predictions game is EASY!
Good times. Definitely on an entirely unnecessary high from this right now. Once Amare is traded to the Bulls, I can once again claim to have predicted the bleedin' obvious. Yeehaw.
Yours ever,
An entirely unjustifiably proud ShamBulls.
Additional: I am sorry that the website is spasming during this, the one week where it's needed the most. I don't know why it's doing it. But it's nothing that I did. There's a downside to the cheapest hosting that money can buy.
The pages do, however, work eventually. Keep mashing refresh like a madman, and you will be rewarded.
1) As you may know, Houston traded Steve Francis, a 2009 second round draft pick and cash to Memphis for a conditional 2011 second round pick. Memphis's end of this is simple. They got their pick back for free. Houston gave them Francis, enough money to pay him for the rest of the year (or most of it, at least), and Memphis's own 2nd rounder next year, which they'd previously given to Houston while moving up in the draft this summer. In return, Memphis only gave them a conditional second in 2011, which will be like top 55 protected or something, so they won't even lose it anyway. They can now either waive Francis without fear of reprisal, get a free look at him as a player (bloody unlikely), or keep him as an expiring. But more importantly, they're getting their high second rounder back. for no cost. It's a good move. As for Houston, they give up a second that they don't need in order to get under the luxury tax. It's a good move for them, too.
But here's the real important thing: I TOTALLY called it. In this post, just underneath the picture of the fat lady with no bum crack, I wrote this:
(After Antonio McDyess's buyout, Denver is now no more than a small dollop over their eternal enemy, the luxury tax threshold. If they waft a pick Memphis's way, they should be able to dump Chucky Atkins, whose salary for next year is only $760,000 guaranteed, thus not affecting Memphis's 2009 cap space plan much. This move gets Denver under the tax, finally, and it need only cost them the pick that they got from Charlotte for Alexis Ajinca to do it. Also note that I'm just an ideas man, not a soothsayer. Houston would be sensible to do much the same with Steve Francis, who is entirely surplus to requirements in both Memphis and Houston, and whose salary is keeping the Rockets in the tax territory. But his expiring is tolerable for the Grizzlies with apt sweeteners. With those two deals, Memphis could gain two picks without changing their long or short term plans, while Houston and Denver save lots of money on players and picks that they don't need. To me, this makes sense. Does that mean it will happen? No. But, between now and February, I'd place a call. Boy, this bracket got a bit long.)
Get some. I wonder if the Grizzlies general manager reads what I write.
2) Oklahoma City signed Nenad Krstic - technically still a Nets free agent - to an offer sheet, one which the Nets will apparently not match. This offers up a variety of questions (such as, quite how scary is this supposed European exodus going to be. when even the European deserters come back within 6 months?), but most of all, look at their prospective depth chart with Krstic on it.
Now obviously, things will work out to be slightly different to this. For example, it makes sense for Green to now take on a sixth man role, and for some combination of Krstic, Collison and Wilcox to fill the starting power forward and centre spots. Steven Hill is also the logical man to be cut once Krstic arrives. But even so, the signing of Krstic makes the Thunder's depth chart even wonkier. Why the hell do you want six centres? Why would you draft D.J. White with so many players in front of him? Why would you then sign Hill and Krstic as well? Why would you also draft Serge Ibaka and DeVon Hardin with your other picks? Why can you only play for the Thunder if you can scratch your ankles while standing up? Why would a team with literally every hole to fill concentrate solely on the same? I realise the value of good big men, but Sam Presti, hit us up with some deadline deals, because your roster is pretty friggin' ramshackle at the moment. And also, don't sign Ben Gordon this summer, whatever you do. As far as you need to know, he's a no-defense chucker with a humility problem. Let's ignore the truth for a minute and run with that. You don't want him. Sign more centres. Spend your money elsewhere. There's a good lad.
3) The following video of Devin Harris is about as comfortable as the early morning shit after a night on the Guinness.
They're right, though. Devin Harris should be in the All Star game. And Allen Iverson should not. You know when Allen Iverson made that quotation fingers "magnanamous" gesture, when he first suggested standing aside to let Michael Jordan start in the All Star game, even when Iverson was the better player? (Which, by the way, was possibly the worst thing I've ever seen in my time following the NBA. Someone owes Vince Carter a big friggin' apology.) Well, now is the time for another such gesture. It's not meant as disrespect, Allen, but these other players are better than you now. You won't lose fans if you did so, and even if you did, you clearly have way too many anyway. Let's make this happen.
Similarly, if Yi Jianlian gets in, let's boycott the damn thing.
4) Really don't see the point in New York overpaying for Carlos Delfino, but, whatever. It can't hurt.
5) Short baseball tangent: people out there are trying way too hard to put a negative slant on the fact that the Yankees just signed both the best hitter and the best pitcher on the market. You don't have to like the any, but at least acknowledge that this is what they did. Like every team in the world, they needed an ace and a excellent slugger. Unlike every team in the world, though, they were able to get them.
6) No, I don't trust the source either, but if Sacramento trades John Salmons to Toronto for Andrea Bargnani and a first round pick, that is all kinds of good news for the Kings. John Salmons's value physically cannot get any higher right now, unless he were to start averaging 30 points. He's playing extremely well, tied in on a remarkably cheap contract, and in the prime of his career. This also isn't a fluke - he put on much the same performance to start last year, when injuries again cleared the way for him. If John Salmons is not traded by Sacramento before the deadline, that's a big old misstep they've made there. Particularly after committing so much money to the wing pairing of Kevin Martin and Francisco Garcia.
7) I realise that things haven't gone quite right since he did it, but why is Stephen Jackson thinking about a trade only five weeks after signing an extension? And, from the same article, quite why the hell hasn't Chris Mullin quit? He has nothing to gain from pissing in the wind, and he'll get another gig with another team soon enough.
8) In keeping with this website's policy of never bringing you any news that is worth knowing, here's a scandalous and pathetic story about Raptors anticlimax Jermaine O'Neal touching the arse of a woman whose life and career revolves around her ability to fellate famous people. Superhead, meet Superforehead.
9) The previous joke was stolen from a superior person.
10) Merry Christmas to you and yours. My life is in a good place right now, and I hope that yours is too. If it isn't, it will be.
The podcast was designed to be a group forum of sorts, in which the four most pre-eminent Chicago Bulls podcasts on the web debated certain topics in an Around The Horn style (hence the shit name), just as a break from the sheer brain-addling monotony of their usual drudgery. (Only kidding, ladies.) I was asked to be the host, and I accepted, not knowing in advance that I was going to be ill. Nonetheless, despite a terminal case of the internationally recognised debilitating disease known only to science as "manflu", I fought my way out of my sickbed, determined to bring my useless opinions and jokes stolen from hitherto unknown niche British TV shows to the massive Illinoian audience of easily pleased iTunes fans, with time to burn and insight to thieve. (I think I'm better in print.)
Factual errors, audio quality and sniffing be damned - I think it went rather well for a bunch of amateurs thousands of miles apart. If there's a next time, maybe I'll blow my nose first.
In some shameless self publicity, I'd like to announce how brilliant I am.
In addition to this very blue blog (in the non-pornographic, more literal sense of the word blue), I also have a white one, based at a website that you may have heard of. (And you can probably go ahead and drop the word "may" from that sentence.) The site is DraftExpress.com, the blog is called BasketBollocks, and the URL is here:
I will write for DraftExpress roughly a couple of times a month, as and when inspiration hits me. The mandate is much the same as it is here - tell bad jokes, talk about whatever, and try not to get sued. However, the contents of this blog will not be repeated on that one, and vice versa. Thus, check them both over 100 times a day to make sure that you don't miss anything.
Gratitude goes to whoever volunteered the suggestion of "BasketBollocks" for this website's name. I'd thank you personally, but you didn't leave your name. So you don't win a prize.
You may or may not have heard of the website IBeatYou.com. Perhaps not. I hadn't heard of it until the day I heard about it, either. Nonetheless, there it is, and the premise seems rather simple yet rather awesome - people challenge people to do things. Pointless yet fun things.
One such challenge is The Stare-out challenge, in which competitors are challenged to see how long they can go without blinking. I think we have all played this game at some point in our lives.
Years of playing the Command And Conquer computer game series during my slightly angst-ridden teenage years have accidentally yet beautifully made me into a legend at this rather pointless game. My school years saw random students - who had heard of my reputation in this field - challenge me in the corridor to a spontaneous game, with no preparation on my part, and I won every time. It kind of had that Houdini "I dare you to punch me at any time and I'll be able to take it" feel to it, except that I didn't at any time die from these stare-outs. Not yet, anyway.
This ability was forgotten about as I finally encountered the world of maturity. But while it was forgotten about, it wasn't gone. Roughly a year ago, I found myself one evening with nothing to do [readers note: it's something of a life theme], and decided to time myself to see how long I could go for.
I managed 8 minutes and 46 seconds, without so much as a warm-up. I only stopped for two reasons:
1: I was starting to lose sight in both eyes. 2: Youtube cap their videos at ten minutes. [Readers note: the video is no longer on Youtube, so don't even look.]
I felt proud. I felt like I had achieved something. I hadn't, but I felt like it anyway.
Then, two days ago, I learn of the ibeatyou challenge. It now feels as though I have found my destiny. My life has a purpose, one that it never had before.
Celebrities have partaken in this game, too. The lovely Jessica Alba set out her stall early, and then Steve Nash had his own slightly scary-looking attempt to beat her.
Baron Davis also had a go, but his effort was frankly shite. (His technique is all wrong. Don't hold your eyes shut like that. All it does is making the gradual dying of the pupil even more obvious, and thus even less tolerable. Rookie mistake. This is a champion talking, by the way.)
For reasons I have never figured out (it probably has something to do with the centuries-old technology on which it relies), Youtube videos have never worked on my computer. To watch them, I have always had to steal them and watch them at a later date. (Keepvid.com = a godsend.) This obstacle means that it is damn hard for me to find who the current leader is. As far as I can tell, only one entry so far tops 10 minutes.
If I can do almost 9 minutes without a warm-up, a practice, or with any sense of competition, do you really think I can't go for 15 when I've got the sweet smell of success within my grasp, and the potential adoration of literally dozens of people?
"The hell I can't."
So this is it. An imaginary gauntlet has been thrown down, and imaginary lines in make-believe sand have been made. I will win Jessica Alba's heart, earn Steve Nash's respect, and help Boom Dizzle correct the major flaws in his amateurish stare-out approach. I might even get my own Wikipedia entry, who knows.
Balls to the impending blindness. This is why we have eyes.
Sham is a miserable and self-effacing little bastard, whose basketball opinions are often riddled with bias, insecurity, and rank immaturity. He has also never played the sport, and the only game he has ever been to see was a Ware Rebels game back in 2001. The night bus didn't show up and he had to walk the 9 miles home. It was after this that his passion for basketball really took off.
He considers himself to be Britain's foremost NBA expert, an arbitrary title that carries with it no basis in fact, or any worldly significance. He also wrote this section of the website in third person narrative, purely for reasons of arrogance.
Copyright ShamSports.com, 2005-2010. Every published word on this website
is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
the really stupid ones that I wish I'd never written.
