Charles Barkley's Golf Swing

..via Scott May. (Not Sean May.)

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In the unlikely event that you haven't seen Charles Barkley's golf swing before, here it is. (Warning: if you like golf, don't even bother getting yourself worked up about this. We know. He knows.)



That wasn't just a one off, either. He's going to do it again here too.



And this time he's going to do it really slowly.



And now Tiger Woods, who's pretty decent, is going to have a go.



Fuck it, let's all have a go. In our kitchens. With a bowling pin. And our socks pulled up. And our very giggly English girlfriends who think we're great. And who can't hold a camera straight.




I can sympathise. It's weird how the mind games get in the way of a relatively simple action. Ask one of the many suffers of dartitis: sometimes, you just can't complete your action. (Kind of like me with my amateurish tenpin bowling abilities. Nowhere in the Book Of Bowling Technique does it advocate falling over to the right after letting go of the ball, or the slightly autistic arm lock that I do before each bowl. And in no way do I try to work those things into my game. But by God, they're there. It's a stupid bloody game anyway.)

Still, it's weird that a man willing to gamble so much money on his golfing ability doesn't get this slightly detrimental hitch in his swing looked at professionally. It seems worth the expense to avoid otherwise heavy losses.

(Well, that's one conclusion at least. Another more cynical theory would be to say that Barkley, a showman, has somehow honed that sack of shite over the years, purely to entertain the masses. Doubtful, but possible.)

Here's someone who DOESN'T do it for show, though - Chuck Hayes. You'll all seen the clips of his free throw shooting struggles, and by God, you're going to see them again.




Just because we can.

I wanted to follow that up with a montage of weird, awkward, incorrect and mental-block free throw techniques from players around the globe. (And by "around the globe", I mean "in the NBA".) I want to show a clip of Desmond Mason's "Shitting Dog", a montage of Tyson Chandler's various attempts over the years to overcome his own personal battle again free throw autism, the vast gaping chasm of difference between Tim Duncan's current technique and what he used to do back when he didn't suck at it, the Olden Polynice Experience (where every free throw is shot in a different style to the one before it. At least, that's what he used to do as his career ground to a halt in the ABA), and Bo Outlaw's persistently perfect attempts to draw a lane violation on at least two members of each team.

But, sadly, the NBA is really anal about things like that being on Youtube. There are no such videos out there. And it's a damn shame. Since there's no "Amusing Free Throw Technique Channel" on NBA.com, why can't we be allowed to improvise? Why be so miserable about this? Moanarses.


In place of this, here's a video of Bo Outlaw having his photo taken with some girl during warm-ups. It's not what I wanted to bring you when I set about this post with such gusto, but it's better than nothing. Maybe. She enjoyed it, at least.

Joey Dorsey loses a game that he wasn't in

Down one in the closing stages of a summer league game, new Wizards guard Dee Brown fouls Uruguay's finest, the insatiable Gustavo Barrera, sending him to the line. Barrera hits both foul shots, putting Houston up by 3.

Rockets forward Joey Dorsey - watching the game from the sidelines due to an ankle injury - briefly breaks away from his spontaneous "Who Can Wear The Worst Stripey Polo Shirt" competition with Rafer Alston, and decides to say something. The ref decides to T him up, demonstrating the elaborate technical foul calling technique that NBA scouts want to see from potenital refs. Dorsey sulks. Nick Young hits the technical free throw, and the Wizards have the ball, down two.

Andray Blatche, who has battled bravely against the desire to pass for a number of years now, throws up a tub of wank three pointer. It misses, but Brown tips it back in, and the game goes to overtime. The Wizards go on to win, and the Rockets don't. Joey Dorsey loses not only a game he wasn't in, but also the polo shirt competition, as he has no answer for Rafer's daring usage of deep red and sky blue on an otherwise predominantly white top.

(Also notice - Vladimir Veremeenko. Hooray! If these games are downloadable anywhere, then I need to know. Can't do streams, though.)


Here's what I know about Joey Dorsey - he's an idiot. Someone once told me that he's the next Ben Wallace, which re-affirms my belief on this. (And no, I'm not at all bitter about the spectacularly unsuccessful Ben Wallace signing and the collateral damage that it caused. Nope. Not at all. Totally over it.) Admittedly I don't know much about Joey Dorsey - when he made headlines for "announcing" that his college team mate Derrick Rose was not going to be drafted number 1 by Chicago in a hilarious wind-up that everyone found hilarious, it took me two weeks to find out that Joey Dorsey was a player, and not an opportunist reporter. But still. I know he's a bit of an idiot. Wikipedia agrees.

During the 2007 NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Tournament, Dorsey famously called Ohio State center Greg Oden "overrated as a big man," said that Oden "might be as good as Joey Dorsey," and called himself Goliath and Oden the "the little man." Dorsey also predicted a 20 rebound game for himself. The Buckeyes defeated the Tigers by a score of 92-76 and Dorsey finished with zero points and just four rebounds. In fact, Dorsey was so overmatched during the game that he was not able to even attempt a field goal in the 19 minutes he was on the court. As terrible as he was on the offensive end, he was as bad or worse on the defensive end. Dorsey's defensive duty was to guard Oden. Oden shot 7 for 8 from the field for 17 points and also grabbed 9 rebounds.

And now this.

The evidenced is really piling up. Joey Dorsey = a mouthy git. A bit like Stephen Jackson.

The (Supposed) First Ever WNBA Brawl

Look at them, all trying to be like men and shit! Bless!



Giggidy.

Also, because it's not worthy of its own blog post, here is a picture, via whomever, of Baron Davis and Steve Nash on a tandem bicycle, wearing clothing best described as "totally gay".



No, I don't know why either.

ICouldTakeStephenJacksonInAFight.com: just one of many NBA blogs to pad out its content with links to videos and pictures because it saves my spindly old woman's fingers from having to do any actual creative work.

Summer signings, round 6

- So, in the last post, I talk about how the Boston Celtics free agents aren't expected back. I wasn't speculating or breaking news, merely regurgitating the news offered up by various Celtics beat writers. What then immediately happens? Eddie House and Tony Allen re-sign. Ter-bloody-riffic. Can't I be allowed to self-own without the assistance of others? I say enough dumb shit of my own to kick my own arse many times over. I don't need the incisive input of others to further drag me down, too. Dammit. The lesson, as ever: screw Danny Ainge.

- Speaking of the Celtics, they were also reported to be in the running for Golden State Warriors free agent forward, Matt Barnes. But Barnes has apparently (and I'm using that word at all times now) committed to sign with the Phoenix Suns for the minimum. How the hell did that happen? How did a decent player go for the minimum, when we're still only in the first month of free agency, a month that has seen inferior and comparable players go for the full mid level exception? How have Matt Barnes and his agent not managed to turn his career resurgence into a single multi-year contract yet? How did Steve Kerr manage to pull off such a good move? And why couldn't the Celtics wade in with at least their bi-annual exception? The lesson, as ever: screw Danny Ainge.

(Note: Rumour has it that the Celtics are pursuing Dallas Mavericks forward Devean George, who isn't expected to re-sign with Dallas for obvious reasons. (Also note: for those unaware of the obvious reasons, here they are: 1) Devean George is a bit crap, and 2) Devean George vetoed the original Jason Kidd deal, which, while rather inconsequential in the end, was definitely a bit embarassing. Double bracket.) George isn't a bad backup plan for the Celtics, despite me just calling him "a bit crap". But I still don't see why you wouldn't offer offer just a teeeeeny bit more for Matt Barnes, luxury tax ramifications be damned. You just won a title, for God's sake. Why such tight purse strings?)

- Josh Childress has balls of steel. Depending on who you believe, it's all but a done deal that Childress is going to sign with Olympiakos in Greece, in what is either the biggest deal ever signed by a European team, or close to it. There are people scattered all around the internet who can write, will write, and who are writiing considerably longer articles about what this move will mean for the long term future of the NBA, and particularly the perils and pitfalls of restricted free agency, something which I personally hope dies a miserable death. (Through a combination of the draft, restricted free agency, and being traded, some NBA players can go their whole careers without ever being able to choose their place of employment. How is that fair, even with the massive salaries that they get?) I, however, can't be bothered. But I will commend Childress for his testicular fortitude - trapped in a situation without any real leverage, he managed to find some, a victory for humanity and oppression everywhere. And for Europe, obviously. (By the way, for those who love to say things like "Childress won't fit in in Europe because he's not a very good shooter".....there's more to European basketball than shooting, you know.)

- Nets forward Bostjan Nachbar has also gone to Europe, signing with Dynamo Moscow (that's in Moscow) for three years. The weird pile-on effect from the Childress move is the subsequent over-analysis of the decision for every player who signs in Europe, such as Nachbar and Carlos Delfino. Suddenly, every European signing is symbolic of the demise of the strength of the dollar, or of a systematic failure of the NBA machine. But caught up in that overexuberance are two key oversights:

1) Nachbar and Delfino both started out in European leagues, so going back there isn't all that alien of a concept.

2) They are average NBA players at best. Average to fringe NBA players have occasionally signed in Europe for a while now. It is a direct by-product of the NBA teams signing and drafting so much European talent for themselves - there are only 450 spots in the NBA for about 600 deemed to be worthwhile players, and so some people are going to lose out.

Things are changing, but Bostjan Nachbar isn't a symptom. But, hey, don't let that stop you from overthinking it if you want.


- Primoz Brezec of the Toronto Raptors also signed in Europe, for Lottomatica Roma of Italy. But no one cares about that.

- In a shock NBA-to-NBA transaction, the Orlando Magic signed and traded Keyon Dooling to the Nets, in exchange for nothing significant at all. This represents the first bit of profitable Creative Financing™ of Magic GM Otis Smith's career, so maybe he's learning. As for the Nets, they now have 18 players under contract, but I'm sure that they can find it within themselves to cut Maurice Ager and Keith Van Horn. It is, however, the final nail in the coffin for my Andres Nocioni trade idea. Damn shame.

- Finally, I can bring you big news of two further European signings. Tamar Slay signed with Avellino in Italy, and Boise State's finest Matt Nelson signed with Mahatman Gandia in Spain's lower leagues. This interested me unil I realised that Boise State's finest Matt Nelson was not THE Matt Nelson. I know you feel that pain.

GregOstertagsHairline.com: the NBA website that answers the question that not a single person cared enough to ask.

Summer signings, round 5

I am going to make these have a stronger pertinence to actual NBA players, and not just really shit players with vague NBA associations. This is partly because of people's perceived lack of interest in these posts, but also because I'm running out of jokes about people that I barely know. If I'm honest, it's mainly this second one.

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- Mario Austin has signed with Besiktas in Turkey, where he will probably be the finest player in the land bar none, while playing no defense whatsoever. Such is how he rolls.

(Wait, hang on, he's never played in the NBA. Oh well, never mind. He could do, he might still do, I like him, he's on this site, and that's what matters.)

- Houston Rockets draft pick Brad Newley has swapped difficult-to-spell Greek teams, going from Panionios to Panellinios. His brief reign as "The Most Exciting Second Round Pick To Come Out Of Australia" lasted one year before being topped by Nathan Jawai, who, unlike Newley, might actually be quite good. Well, so I'm told.

- C.J. Miles of the Utah Jazz has been signed to an offer sheet by the Oklahoma City Showertraps. The news itself is uninteresting, but it sets some first: the signing is the first in the history of the new Oklahoma City franchise (hooray!), and also the first non-minimum free agency signing that GM Sam Presti has made. The only previous ones were non-guaranteed minimum deals to Mike Wilks (there for 20 days), Eddie Gill (there for 10 days), Jermaine Jackson (there for training camp only), and Ronald Dupree (the last few games of the season). That right there represents no pedigree - no list of basketball players with Mike Wilks as the best player can ever be considered a good list. As for Miles, his offer sheet is for 4 years and $15 millionish, which is clearly way too much for a man who showed little in three years. If Presti's reasoning was to bid enough that Utah would not match, he's certainly gotten that right.

- Carlos Delfino has signed a lucractive contract with Khimky in Russia, whom you will have heard of from reading about the signing of Milt Palacio in Part 2. This article talks about the financial benefits of this move for Delfino, but importantly fails to mention the fact that Delfino would never get paid that much in the NBA because he's not a very good NBA player. And that factors. (Khimky seems to only sign ex-Raptors, with Delfino, Palacio, Jerome Moiso and potentially Jorge Garbajosa on their roster for next season. So maybe there's hope for Juan Dixon.)

- Craig Smith has agreed to re-sign with Minnesota for two years, in what appears to cynical eyes to be an unsubtle bid for unrestricted free agency at the earliest possible opportunity. It's a damn shame that Craig Smith is stuck in Minnesota. I say that not because of some blind hatred for the Timberwolves, but because it means Smith is stuck playing behind Al Jefferson, the one man you wouldn't want to play him alongside. (By the way, are Kevin Love and Al Jefferson really going to work together? Can we get an answer from that from someone named McHale? I'm not saying that they can't, but it's kind of vital, you know? And how the hell did Brian Cardinal, Jason Collins, Calvin Booth and Mark Madsen wind up on the same team? That's a spectacular conflagration of shitness.)

- D'Or Fischer has signed for Maccabi Electra in Israel. I'm not sure that even I care about that one.

- New Jersey have signed both Eduardo Najera and Jarvis Hayes, which is upspetting on a personal leve, because it means that my Andres Nocioni and Cedric Simmons for Keith Van Horn and Stromile Swift trade idea is basically down the crapper now. (Feasibilities from the Nets point of view, be damned. Like this was ever about them.)

- Loren Woods - waived by the Rockets last week - has signed with Zalgiris in Lithuania. I enjoyed his fleeting comeback, though. And Jelani McCoy's.

- Patrick O'Bryant has signed with the Boston Celtics, who appear to have tightened up the pursestrings. With James Posey signed elsewhere and with all their other free agents not expected back, the Celtics now have no bench. This, therefore, seems like a weird signing - with no veteran point guard, no veteran big man and no backup swingman worth a damn, they go out and get Patrick O'Bryant? (Well, OK. Everyone needs a project 7 footer, I suppose. Just as long as they actually remember the other bits too.)

- Toronto signed Roko Ukic to be their new backup point guard, but I can't help but wonder at his NBA.com profile picture.



- The Lakers did not match Golden State's offer sheet to Ronny Turiaf, and for those keeping score at home, the Warriors offseason currently reads like this.

In: Corey Maggette, Ronny Turiaf, Anthony Randolph, Bobby Brown
Out: Baron Davis, Matt Barnes, Mickael Pietrus, Patrick O'Bryant,
Undetermined: Kelenna Azubuike (possibly going), Monta Ellis (will be staying barring disaster), Andris Biedrins (ditto), Dick Hendrix, C.J. Watson

Given that they've bid on pretty much everybody so far, it isn't going too well. When you have eight players heading for free agency, should your second signing really be a backup big man, when you only have one real guard under contract? And that price (4 years, $17 million)? Strange.

Also, the Warriors are reported as considering making a bid for Philadelphia restricted free agent Louie Williams. (Note: people with the name "Louis" but who don't pronounce the "S" should not be allowed to spell it like that. I'm indignant on this.) This, too, seems odd: aside from Nate Robinson, I can't think of a worse person to pair with Ellis. So the Warriors offseason still has ways to go.

- Finally tonight, in the only real news that matters, the Milwaukee Bucks signed Malik Allen and Tyronn Lue, reuniting Malik with former head coach and profound Malik Allen fan, Scott Skiles. Cute. But, as for the Tyronn Lue signing.....not so sure. What was the point for either party? Lue had other suits, some of whom were offering more money, more minutes, and more wins than the Bucks. So why does he choose Milwaukee? (Readers note: The correct answer is "the lure of Malik Allen.") Also, why does Milwaukee sign Tyronn Lue, when they have Maurice Williams as the incumbent starter, and Ramon Sessions as a promising backup? If they're going to use Lue solely as a third string, then they've got themselves a high quality third string point guard, so well done them. But why not sign a point guard with some good defense? (And no, I'm not advocating the re-signing of Royal Ivey. I said good defense.) Lue replicates a lot of the skill set from those in front of him, except without the passing. In that respect, it doesn't make a lot of sense.

Then again, not a lot has made sense so far this offseason. And at least they didn't overpay.

I hate life

Just shouldn't happen.

Summer signings, round 4

- Andreas Glyniadakis, former Pistons draft pick and one-time Sonic, has extended his contract with Costa Coffee in Greece. I hope that the sponsoring of team names never catches hold in the NBA, even when it leads to beautiful times.

- Ersan Ilyasova, whose NBA rights are still owned by the Milwaukee Bucks, has seen his contract with Barcelona extended. It seems odd that, in this instance, the NBA franchise has been the feeder club for the European team. 10 years ago, that just doesn't happen.

- Gabe Muoneke, a man on the fringes of the NBA for about 6 years now before finally getting a sniff with the Charlotte Bobcats last October, has signed with Asvel in France. Last season, Muoneke played in Iran, and he's probably made the right decision to get out.

- English supestar Pops Mensah-Bonsu has signed with Joventut Badalona in Spain, and, if I've ever called them Joventut Barcelona in the past, then I apologise. Pops will play alongside Ricky Rubio, and if you've heard that name but don't know much about him.......he's brilliant. He really is.

- Qyntel Woods has signed with Fortitudo Bologna. I want to make a joke about dogs, but I like dogs, so I won't. By the way, I sponsored a dog recently, and let me tell you - it's a damn scam. I take my time choosing which dog I want to sponsor, pay for a full year, but then they send me a letter saying "we're sorry, but that dog is no longer available to sponsor". And then they kept the money anyway. Bastards. So learn from my mistakes - if you're feeling philanthropic, sponsor a panda or a child or a leper or something. There's no value in the dog thing.

- Rodney White - possibly the worst player in modern history to have a triple double in an NBA game, depending on your view of Chris Duhon - has signed for Maccabi Tel Aviv, which is in Tel Aviv, Israel.

- Troy Bell has signed for Soresina in Italy's lower divisions. The drafting of Bell was quite possibly the worst roster move that Jerry West has ever made in the NBA, depending on how shit hot your NBA history knowledge is. (Mine's awful.) Players drafted after Troy Bell in 2003 include David West, Leandro Barbosa, Josh Howard, Kendrick Perkins, Boris Diaw, Jason Kapono, Carlos Delfino, Maurice Williams, Luke Walton, Zaza Pachulia, James Jones, Kyle Korver, Steve Blake, Travis Outlaw........et cetera. Whoops.

- Former Denver Nuggets guard Vincent Yarborough has hit the big time, signing for Bonn in Germany. The mere mention of Vincent Yarborough has reminded me of how bad that 2002/03 Denver Nuggets team was, and so, for the hell of it, here is a run down of the whereabouts of everyone they gave an airing to that season.

1: Juwan Howard - unsigned, spent last season with the Dallas Mavericks.
2: James Posey - agreed today to sign with the New Orleans Hornets for 4 years.
3: Maybyner Hilario - the only one still with Denver, although he hasn't played much for a variety of reasons, including cancer.
4: Chris Whitney - long since out of the game. And the headlines.
5: Shammond Williams - now a Georgian citizen, somehow. Playing for Pamesa Valencia in Spain.
6: Rodney White - see above.
7: Donnell Harvey - recently joined the Charlotte Bobcats summer league team, but left early due to a family emergency. Unsigned. (By the way, speaking of the Bobcats summer league, Jackie Butler was supposed to be on it, but he never turned up. If we haven't done so already, can we officially scrub Jackie Butler from our minds? Thanks.)
8: Marcus Camby - yes, well, let's not talk about that.
9: Devin Brown - unsigned, last season played for the Cavaliers.
10: Jeff Trepagnier - unsigned, spent last season with Pau Orthez in France.
11: Kenny Satterfield - Scoop Jackson assures us he's fine.
12: Mark Blount - currently the Miami Heat's starting centre, which probably enthuses them no end.
13: Chris Andersen - unsigned, but that won't last. Played all of 34 minutes last year with the Hornets.
14: Lorinza Harrington - playing for the Philadelphia 76ers summer league team.
15: Nikoloz Tskitishvili - unsigned. Quick! Before someone snaps him up!
16: Ryan Bowen - unsigned, played last for the Hornets, Says he's "hopeful" of being re-signed, something which I agree with.
17: John Crotty - very very done, but I don't know what he does now.
18: Adam Harrington - unsigned, played last year in the D-League.
19: Predrag Savovic - has one year left of a five year contract that he signed with Bilboa in Spain back in 2004. Still sucks, but he has Luke Recker, Drago Pasalic, Mile Ilic, Quincy Lewis and Fran Vazquez for company.
20: Vincent Yarborough - see above.
21: Mark Bryant - didn't play again after leaving this very same Nuggets team. Now an Oklahoma City assistant coach.

Jesus. What a shite team that was.

Like a Camby in the wind

Fuck the NBA.

Seriously, fuck it. Fuck it hard. Right in the face.

The Denver Nuggets traded former DPOY Marcus Camby to the L.A. Clippers yesterday, for absolutely nothing. The Nuggets got no more than the right to swap second round picks with L.A. in 2010, a year in which the Clippers will have the lower pick anyway, meaning that Denver won't be exercising the option. That's it. That was their return. That was what they got.

That was what they got for Marcus, freaking, Camby.

I am really annoyed by this.

Marcus Camby is a former DPOY award winner. He may have another one left in him yet, too. Camby is a high calibre player - last year, he averaged 13.1 rebounds and 3.6 blocks a game. 3.6 rebounds per game is a lot of rebounds. And 3.6 is a hell of a lot of blocks. He can pass, and also shoot 20 footers, if you give him a week and 40 feet of elbow room.

Camby is a rare commodity in this league; he is a centre that isn't crap. He is at the peak of his career, and strangely also at his peak physical conditionm having set his new personal best for games played in a season, with a commendable 79 games last season. Without wanting to go overboard and do something silly, such as calling him a dynamic two way player, it's safe to say that Tampon is one of the best at his position, the position that is so hard to fill that General Managers will consistently try any old shit to try and strike gold. In a league where most executives would willingly sacrifice their closest family memebers to get an elite centre, the Clippers now have two. And they're not even overpaid.

They got one of them for freakin' nothing.

How does Marcus Camby fit alongside Wolfgang Kaman? I don't know, but it doesn't matter. He's going to better their team simply by not being Aaron Williams. The Clippers just bagged a huge infusion of quality to their team, and all they had to do was not overpay Luol Deng. If they can now trade for Vince Carter using little more than Cuttino Mobley and Tim Thomas to die, then suddenly they're dancing. A front seven of Carter, Camby, Kaman, Baron Davis, Al Thornton, Quinton Ross and Eric Gordon could break 50 wins, even without Elton Brand or a bench.

And yet, somehow, Denver couldn't even get a first round pick for him? Is that even possible? Is instant salary relief really THAT important? Why has this come up now? Why could they not use the Warriors' and Sixers' cap room, before they spent it, as leverage for a better deal? Not even Memphis's? They couldn't take back even a BIT of salary if it meant getting soem assets, like young players or draft picks? Not a bit? Really? You mean to tell me that a team heading in no particular direction and capped out like buggery can afford to give away its best players for absolutely no return whatsoever? How can any team out there justify spending $23 million on a fourth choice power forward while already nursing one of the league's highest payrolls, paying $60 unnecessary million to a guy who played 3 minutes the season before, as well as giving Chucky Atkins $13 million to do big fat Fanny Adams, can now somehow justify giving away its first round draft picks and frittering away quality players like confetti? This from a team that made the ultimate let's-give-this-shit-a-shot trade only 18 months ago?

Sod that.

Somewhere, somehow, someone is systematically wrong. Either Nuggets owner Stan Kroenke woke up with the arseache and ordered General Manager Mark Warkentein to do a dramatic about-face and cut payroll immediately at all costs, or Warkentein is a pillock. Or both.

Whichever it is, they have a problem. They're still cap strapped, they're still a lottery team, they still have no exciting internal future, they're still a badly assembled veteran team that isn't getting anywhere, and they're still being mismanaged. I'd feel bad for them, but they've annoyed me, so I owe them nothing.

The fans, however, have my sympathy. When teams make bad personal moves to save money, purely as collateral damage from their own previous stupid move, then the fans become the victims to the folly that is the NBA and its old boys network. Believe me, as a Bulls fan, I know that pain. I miss Tyson Chandler every day.

However, in a rare but special first here at eddiebasdenslegacy.com, I'm going to try and think positively. The sole solace for the Nuggets in this deal is the $10 million traded player exception that this deal created. Then again, it will probably go unused. However, if the Nuggets let Allen Iverson expire this summer, they will finally be out, barring widespread changes, from the tax territory in which they currently reside. If that happens, they will still have the TPE to use until July 15th, 2009. And at that point, they'll be able to add salary again. Whether they do this or not is another matter, but the ability to do so remains. And that's a small solace that Nuggets can take away and keep.

Who knows, they might even use it to bring Camby back.



By the way, while we're sort of on the subject of the Clippers and Elton Brand, let us tangent for a minute as you explain something to me. As I understand it, the time line of events in their negotiations go like this;

1 - Brand opts out.

2 - The Clippers and Brand verbally agree to a new deal rather quickly.

3 - The Warriors top this offer, just to see if they get lucky. The Sixers follow suit.

4 - Brand and his agent David Falk take news of this new offer to the Clippers, looking to use it as leverage with the Clippers to make them increase their offer slightly.

5 - The Clippers say no.


Now, why would the Clippers do this? By all accounts, they had a verbal agreement for a very reason 5 year, $65 million offer. Why would they be so inflexibile in renegotiating that slightly? $13 million is a good price for Elton Brand - if you're overpaying him at the end of the deal, you're underpaying him at the start, so it works out fine. Why wouldn't you add a few million if it kept him here? Why wouldn't you discuss a sixth year? Why would you extend qualifying offers to Marcus Williams and Nick Fazekas, keep the unguaranteed Josh Powell around unnecessarily, and even more unnecessarily sign first round draft pick Eric Gordon before compelting your cap space adventure, needlessly costing yourself almost $1.5 million in cap room, a figure which could add over $10 million to the value of a 5 year contract? A $10 million that would have meant the re-signing of your best player, and a hell of a good starting five to build upon?

The answer: I simply don't know. Maybe they didn't know the rules or something. Maybe they didn't know signing Gordon would cost them cap space. Maybe they think Fazekas actually matters in some why. I couldn't say. But I think the Clippers, in doing this, nearly managed to one-up The Juan Carlos Navarro Experience of this past season. And for that, I salute, pity, humilate and disown them. At least they got Camby as a backup plan.

I will never get over how such multi-million dollar business franchises can be mismanaged by the whims and misinformation of those in charge. All the damn time, too. Fucking dumbfounding.



(Readers note: Never listen to Elton John and blog. It leads to the creation of stupid post titles and slightly aggressive opening gambits.)

An appeal

I like receiving your email. I do. Even when it's stupid and completely useless to me. (NB: If you're emailing me to tell me a link is broken, do me a favour and tell me what page you're talking about. Thanks.)

Receiving them makes me feel wanted. It makes me feel important. It makes me feel like Bertie Bigbollocks. I welcome it, and messages of all varieties. I welcome your questions, your non-ridiculous suggestions, your savage arse-kissing, your bilious hate, and your "Buy discounted art products here" spam. I endeavour to respond to them all, and, if I don't, then that's either because I'm ignoring you, or because I forgot you because your message was boring. (Ha! Joke! Funny!)

I even welcome the groupie messages, and I am somewhat upset that they've largely gone away.

However, please for the love of Christ stop asking me if certain NBA players have kids. I don't freakin' care. Please dear God make this stop. I can't and won't answer you, because I don't know. And I don't know because I DON'T FUCKING CARE. Neither should you.

I am here appealing publicly to make this stop, because appealing privately doesn't seem to work. If you want to know how many children Penny Hardaway has, Google it. If you can't find the answer, assume that he has none, and move on with your life. Take that time to reanalyse your life's priorities, and think about quite why you wanted to find out this information in the first place. It is, after all, none of your business.

Do NOT invest this time in e-mailing me about it, because I do not know, and I do not care. I will never know, and I will never care. Also, if you do then email me about it, and I respond with "I DON'T CARE, GO AWAY" (or words to that effect, then don't respond with a response that ridicules me for not knowing, as if this was in some way a failing on my part. Instead, leave me alone altogether. That'd be good.

See? See what you made me do? You made me write this. This has to end. This has got to stop. This, and child cruelty. So please send just £2 a month, or whatever you can afford, and together we can help fight the good fight against annoying women. Just two pounds a month.

Please.


This has been a public services announcement. A-thank yaw.

Here's how YOU can help this website!!!!

I want to rename this website.

I should not need to explain why I wan tto do this. However, there follows an explanation as to why, just in case you need one.


REASONS AS TO WHY:

1) This current name is shit.


This pretty much conveys my views in the subject.

I have always felt this name to be shit, but, back in the early days of this website (June 2005), it wasn't supposed to matter. This wasn't supposed to be a website, after all. (For the full and tedious story, view ths About page that no one looks at.) I ran with the first thing that came into my head, and this was the first thing that came into my head. It had some logic to it, too:

a - I am Sham, this is about Sports, and they both begin with S. Hooray!

b - If people out there know me, like me, and then find this website not through me, they might be all like "oh wow, clearly Sham made this! This makes me want to drop my trousers and look at this website!". (Note to sceptics - this has happened at least once.)

c - Not specifically mentioning the NBA - or even basketball - in the website's total left me able to do stuff about other sports, should I have wanted to. (And I nearly did for a while.)

d - I couldn't think of anything better.


Now, we're three years on, and this website is starting to get some attention. This is a good thing, with a bad aspect to it - I cringe every time I see the name. It looks weird, it sounds weird, it's a tough one to explain to people in my real life, and it can make me seem egotistical when I'm not. (Self depricating humour rules! I have a really small penis!) And so that's why I want to change it, before it becomes impossible to do so when I achieve the international acclaim that I consider to be inevitable. (Oh, wait, maybe I am egotistical, then.)

Unfortunately, we're three years on, and point D still applies. I can't think of anything.

I know what I'm looking for. I am looking for something that embodies the site, and its contents, that is also memorable. I need something that reflects the site's penchant for irreverance and zany madcap humour (or whatever you call it), while also remaining true to the subject of basketball. I need something that people will remember, but which will also reflect the site's policy of focusing on the bits of the NBA that don't get properly covered. I need something that doesn't publicise the increasingly aggressive acerbic NBA commentary that has come to define this website, but which also doesn't deny it. And I need something that I won't cringe at every time I see it elsewhere on the internet.

The best I could manage was michaelruffin.com.

And that's why I need your help.