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Third Prize Is You're Fired

2008-10-06T22:05:00.016+01:00

"Anybody wanna see second prize?"

"Second prize is a set of steak knives."

- Milwaukee signed Ron Howard, T.J. Cummings, Matt Freije and Kevin Kruger for camp. If you're wondering who Ron Howard and T.J. Cummings are......well, you have yourself a valid question, but both are represented by Elfus-Siegel Manegement, an agency quite adept at landing their players places on training camp rosters. (If you were wondering, this is how Garth Joseph rolled up on the Bulls training camp back in 2003, for one beautiful week.) That's basically the only reason that they're there, though, and be very careful when you Google-search T.J. Cummings's name. Freije gives the Bucks a weak-defending jumpshooting power forward, as they only have two right now, which just isn't enough. And Kruger gets to spend a couple of weeks in the NBA, even though he has no chance of making a roster that sees Luke Ridnour, Ramon Sessions and Tyronn Lue ahead of him, whether he likes it or not. Sham's prediction: The Bucks told Damon Jones not to report, and they'll try to trade him, but he will probably be waived if that can't be done. That would open up a roster spot for someone, but what would be the point of any of those four filling it?

- Minnesota made me a happy man this summer. Their camp signings were Kevin Ollie, Blake Ahearn and Rafael Araujo, while Chris Richard accepted his qualifying offer. Blake Ahearn is a nice player. Kevin Ollie is a moustachioed legend with something of a Brunson complex. But....Araujo? That's friggin' perfect, man, on so many levels. There's so much right about that move. Part of it is the way that Rob Babock won't let go, part of it is the fact that it's Rafael Araujo, but also because his signing allows for the existence of this picture:

Only Rafael Araujo could use training camp media day as an excuse to pull an unhateably funny face such as that, while sitting in a brand spanking new home jersey that he's already managed to dribble on. The NBA needs Rafael Araujo.

Sham's prediction: Unfortunately, it probably won't get him. These moves give Minnesota 18 players under contract, 16 of which are at least partially guaranteed (except for maybe Richard. Notice I said maybe). The two that aren't are Ollie and Araujo, which doesn't bode well for Hoffa, as much as we want him to make the team. As things stand, Minnesota has the unrivalled Frontcourt Fivesome Of Shite™, with Araujo, Brian Cardinal, Calvin Booth, Mark Madsen and Jason Collins all on the roster. I want this to continue on forever and ever. But it won't. (Ahearn makes the team, by the way, and Booth gets cut. This is the prediction that I promised you, from the website that occasionally keeps its promises.)

- New Jersey are good sports. With 15 guaranteed contracts already, and with Keith Van Horn still technically a member of their team, the Nets signed four players for camp anyway. One of them - Awvee Van Storey - has already been waived, but Julius Van Hodge, Keith Eddie Van Gill and Keith Van Brian Van Hamilton survive. The Nets could really use a third point guard, and Gill fits that bit. Hodge does, too. Sort of. And one of them may well make it. The Nets still have 19 players on their roster, but one of them is Van Horn, who isn't in camp, and who only survives on the roster should a trade opportunity arise that needs his unguaranteed salary. Hamilton is another easy cut, for his minimal skill level isn't needed on a forward-heavy roster. And Maurice Ager's sole leverage is his guaranteed deal, for his play these first two years has been awful. With the depth chart against him, he too is an easy cut. That leaves a spot free for one of the two, if the Nets choose to add a third point guard. Given that they don't really even have two right now, they should. Sham's prediction: Gill.

- New Orleans has done the bench-with-veteran's-minimums thing that Denver so enjoys, and all but Sean Marks ($200,000) are guaranteed. With 14 players on a largely completed roster, the Hornets' only camp signings were point guard Jared Jordan and centre Courtney Sims. Sims was in the NBA last year at least, as Indiana signed and waived him about 40 times, whereas Jordan spent the year on the continent doing literally nothing. Working in Jordan's favour, though, is the fact that MVP candidate Mike James is the only point guard option behind Chris Paul that the Hornets have. Sham's prediction: Jordan, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was neither. They're not that good, after all.

- New York took pity on Allan Houston, signing him for camp, kind of like how you'd do to a particularly needy tramp. You pass by him on the way to work every morning for several months, but eventually his sheer persistence means that you buy him a cup of coffee one winter morning in exchange for a stream of gratitude, a stream of gratitude which, if not forthcoming, will lead to you never acknowledging his existence ever again. Houston won't make the team, and neither with Dan Grunfeld, but at least they get some free coffee and the attention fo passers-by for a few minutes. Even minus those two, the Knicks need to make a cut. They have 16 players, with Patrick Ewing Jr on the outside looking in. The sentimentality factor of him making the team might be nice, but he's the only one without fully guaranteed money ($200,000 guaranteed only), who plays a position where Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler, Jared Jeffries and Quentin Richardson all play ahead of him. To get Ewing on the team, either Ewing has to play so well that the Knicks are willing to cut Anthony Roberson (despite his guaranteed contract and skillset useful to the team), the Knicks have to hope Stephon Marbury reignites all the bridges he's trying desperately to rebuild, or the Knicks have to cut their losses and pay Jerome James to piss off. Sham's prediction: The latter one is his best hope.

- Oklahoma City need a third point guard, and managed to find one with marginal NBA talent and local ties in former Rocket and fan of trilogies, John Lucas III. They also signed former Sixer and MP for Tyneside North, Derrick Byars, as well as minor league star and former giraffe, Chris Alexander. Sham's prediction: Why they signed Alexander is a mystery. Alexander's a late bloomer with massive bounce-flavouring numbers in the D-League, and so another shot at the league seems fair, but the Thunder don't have any players under 6'9, and adding one more seems unnecessary. Byars doesn't really add anything that Kyle Weaver and Damien Wilkins couldn't sort out between them. Lucas has the best chance to make the roster on depth chart alone, but I wouldn't be surprised or remorseful if they cut all three.

- Orlando's three signings all respresent good value and fringe NBA talent - forward Jeremy Richardson (who the Hawks seem to let walk unchallenged, for some reason), big man Dwayne Jones (who is one of my favourite offense-free centres, if only for the moustache and crooked smile), and Mike Wilks (the point guard version of Zendon Hamilton - an NBA calibre talent who everyone overlooks for some reason, and who bounces around for a few years getting looks with many teams, yet who never gets the multi year guaranteed contract that the law of averages should provide for them). Sham's prediction: Jones and Richardson picked a bad team to sign with, particularly Richardson, who has the ability to play in the NBA, but who is now on a team already heavy with small forwards. Jones offers no improvement over Marcin Gortat, so he won't make it either. Wilks should stick.

- Philadelphia committed like the champions that they are, signing Justin Reed, Maureece Rice, Jared Reiner, Antywane Robinson and Andre Emmett. Reed was then almost instantaneously replaced by minor league journeyman and author Cory Underwood, without a word as to why Reed didn't turn up. Underwood, Emmett and Rice have already been waived. Sham's prediction: An extra small forward wouldn't go amiss in Philly, who have the class of Andre Iguodala and Thaddeus Young at the position, but who have no emergency third stringer there. However, they could also use a good shooter, and Robinson isn't it. He just thinks he is. Reiner's best hope is for the Sixers to suffer another frontcourt injury, who have already lost J-Smoove Jason Smith for a hundred million years. If that happens, he can play emergency backup to the emergency backup incumbent, Theo Ratliff. Robinson probably has the advantage, but dammit, you need a guard that can shoot. There's plenty out there. Look harder.

- Phoenix brought in Robert Hite and Trey Johnson, to battle Sean Singletary for what will almost certainly be only one spot on the deep bench. This is assuming that the Suns only run with the minimum of 13 players, which history suggests that they will. They also brought in big man Coleman Collins, but I'm not sure what they want from him. Sham's prediction: Singletary will win. He's the slightly better player than Hite, and also the finances are in his favour. Singletary has $200,000 of his $442,114 guaranteed, and Hite is a second year player. So, if Hite were to make the team, it would cost Phoenix roughly $1.8 million (Hite's salary of $711,517, doubled for tax, plus Singletary's $200,000 guarantee also doubled for tax), more than double what it would cost to keep Singletary alone. And also because he's better.

- Portland's 15th and final spot is between rookie point guard and former world heavyweight champion Drederick Tatum, Luke Jackson, Shavlik Randolph and the mountain man Steven Hill. Again, points are to awarded for box ticking - between those four players, the Blazers have managed to cover every position, all manner of standards (ranging from "fringe NBA talent" to "complete project" via "who the hell is that?"), while also bringing in a hometown guy in Jackson. This is how you play the damn game. Sham's prediction: There's not a great deal of point in any of them, to be honest. I would like to see quite where Shavlik Randolph could do after two wasted seasons, but the Blazers don't need him and never will. The depth chart favours Jackson.

- Sacramento signed a random 26 year old Chinese player called Zhang Kai. You've never heard of Zhang Kai before. There's a reason for that. The Kings also signed Bobby Jones (YES! Chalk up another!) and Noel Felix (YES! Chalk up another!), apparently identifying the need for a small forward on the end of the bench. Sham's prediction: Depending on what happens with Shareef Abdur-Rahim, the Kings might have some wiggle room under the tax in the near future. But, if Shareef's contract isn't removed from the books after his recent retirement, then they won't. In that event, the Kings won't be able to afford either Jones or Felix without straying ever so slightly into tax territory. So even if either one of them did make the team, they'd be cut soon enough anyway. Jones is far more likely to make it, though, because he's by far the better player. Felix looked intriguing during his brief stint with the Sonics three years ago, but he hasn't done anything since then. He's now 27, and still with the holes in his game that he's always had. Jamario Moon doesn't strike twice. Also note: Zhang Kai has about as much chance of making the roster as I do of getting a front office job in the NBA. That is to say, no chance whatsoever.

- San Antonio kitted out their inactive list with some class. Salim Stoudamire ($200,000), Desmon Farmer (none), Darryl Watkins ($20,000), Devin Green (nada) and Anthony Tolliver ($200,000) all signed early to various levels of guaranteed money, and the Spurs then added to those with further camp signings in Brian Morrison and their second round draft pick Malik Hairston. (Note: Morrison was waived almost immediately for Charles Gaines.) Those seven players are fighting against each other for two spots, as the Spurs have 13 guaranteed contracts other than they, with only Jacque Vaughn being expendable. Sham's prediction: If only for the level of guaranteed money, Stoudamire and Tolliver are the front runners for the two spots, but Desmon Farmer has NBA talent and a modicum of experience. The Spurs don't need both Green and Hairston, and arguably don't need either. Watkins gives the Spurs some size and shotblocking, but they don't particularly need either right now. What they could use is another shooter, which looks doubly good for Stoudamire. Counting against Salim is his small stature, something which Farmer isn't burdened with. But the level of guaranteed money infers that the Spurs aren't too bothered about that. Gaines hasn't a chance.

- Toronto are a boring bunch of boring bastards, who originally vowed to go into camp with only the 13 players that they already had contract, but whom eventually plumped for a 14th in Jamal Sampson only when rookie centre Nathan Jawai was ruled out with heart trouble. Sham's prediction: The reason they didn't bring anyone in despite having two spots available is that the Raptors have run out of wiggle room below the tax threshold. For this reason, Sampson won't make it, and if he does, it won't be for very long.

- Utah brought in Gerry McNamara, Britton Johnsen (quickly replaced by Gabe Muoneke after Johnsen took an offer in the Ukraine) and Kevin Lyde for training camp. McNamara gets his first shot in the NBA after a decent college career led to a less than decent Euroepan career. Muoneke is a training camp veteran of the best part of a decade who still hasn't managed to make an NBA game. And Lyde is a fat guy who the Jazz had in training camp last year, whom they let go for beign fat, and who has managed to subsequently get even fatter. A strange training regimen. Speaking of fat people, isn't it high time someone at least enquired about Michael Sweetney? Sham's prediction: All three had to have known that there was simply no place for them on the Jazz roster, with 15 guaranteed contracts in place and no one likely to be cut or traded.

- Finally, Washington brought in four players to fight for one spot - Linton Johnson, Juan Dixon ($150,000 guaranteed), DerMarr Johnson and Taj McCullough. McCullough seemingly did enough with his 2.2 points and 2.0 rebounds averages during summer league play to earn a camp invite, but God knows what it was. The two Johnson's (giggidY) and Dixon (giggidy) are basically squaring off for the Wizards final roster spot - Dee Brown is only $125,000 guaranteed, but with so little point guard play in front of him, he has only himself to blame if he doesn't make it. Sham's prediction: Dixon makes it, unless the Wizards are suitably swayed by DerMarr Johnson's height in an otherwise small backcourt.

Second Prize Is A Set Of Steak Knives

2008-10-05T23:39:00.017+01:00

I should have written this note before I did. But you're not the boss of me. Unless you are the boss of me. In which case, hey. Sorry I'm late. Traffic was bad.

These are the camp signing and battles that we are to watch with captivated interest. If you're not even slightly interested, then don't worry, because I'm intrigued enough for the both of us.

- Atlanta re-signed Mario West, and signed Marcus Hubbard, Frank Robinson and ShamSports.com favourite Olumide Oyedeji, after having earlier signed Thomas Gardner and Othello Hunter. These moves give them three shooting guards to battle for one backup spot, but Gardner has the advantage of 50% guaranteed money. Hubbard and Hunter will fight for the inactive list power forward spot, but Hubbard's grand total of three NCAA games can't work in his favour. (If anyone can tell me why he played so little, please do.) Oyedeji has already been waived, which is a damn shame. Sham's predictions to make it: Gardner and Hunter.

- Boringly, Boston only signed one player for training camp, with the re-signing Sam Cassell taking their roster to 16 players. Come on now. Even if they haven't a hope of making the team, play the game and bring in some fringe D-Leaguers. You don't have to give them any guaranteed money, and you get to look at players that might help you one day. Even if they don't, you lose nothing but the tiny amount that you have to pay them for the fortnight that they're there. Signing only Cassell, though, is still enough to give Boston a problem, for they now have 16 players for 15 spots, with no obvious cuts. Maybe the Darius Miles comeback story isn't going to be quite as fairytale as we had hoped, for his fully unguaranteed contract looks very expendable right now. Sham's prediction: Sorry, Darius, but you're a massive health concern, you have a 10 game suspension to deal with, and Bill Walker just got a 4 year contract. I'm not seeing where you fit any more. Failing that, someone might remedy the situation by trading a second for Gabe Pruitt. Someone like the Thunder, maybe.

- Charlotte took on three guys, like the slut that she is. New head coach Larry Brown has always had a thing for guards with no offensive skill who work hard on defense. so that, plus the Bobcats lack of third option at point guard, might bode well for Donell Taylor. Other camp invites Marcus E. Williams and Andre Brown have less of a chance - the Bobcats have enough inconsequential players at Brown's power forward spot, and while Williams has the ability to make it, he just so happens to play the one position that Charlotte doesn't need any help at. Sham's prediction: Donell makes it. How long he lasts for, is another matter.

- Chicago beautifully combined the training camp signing requisities of "fringe NBA talents" and "hometown guys to give people something to care about", when they signed Elton Brown, Roger Powell and Darius Washington. Powell, the hometown boy, has no chance to make it as a reformed small forward, given Chicago's present depth there. Brown isn't exactly the calibre of post scorer that Chicago needs, but his skillset fits the team, and he has NBA talent. Washington has less of a chance, given the team's guard depth, but the Bulls could still use an extra defender at point guard, which gives him a chance. Sham's prediction: Since Ben Gordon took the qualifying offer like a damn fool, the Bulls are now able to afford 14 players. So Brown should make it, along with Demetris Nichols, whose $150,000 guarantee and good outside shot serve him well. Also note - I didn't mention Michael Ruffin - the Bulls other camp signee - at any point. There's a reason for that; the Bulls need an extra centre, particularly a defensive one.....but they don't need Michael Ruffin.

- Cleveland made some of the best signings ever, bringing in Ronald Dupree, Vernon Hamilton and Jawad Williams, as well as making the ultimate random camp signing in Michael Dickerson, a man who medically retired five years ago. The randomness of that group is sublime, and is the reason that I love summer league. Those four, plus holdover Lance Allred, are battling for what is more than likely only 1 roster spot. (Note: Eric Snow will never play again, but they can't trade his expiring contract if they waive him, so he'll probably prop up the inactive list until the trade deadline. Also, Lorenzen Wright is D-U-N done and shouldn't be taking up a spot, but he got guaranteed money, so they're probably stuck with him too.) Sham's prediction: Erm, don't know. Dickerson is (or was) easily the most talented of the bunch, and the Cavaliers could use an extra shooting guard, particularly one with decent size. But the man retired in his prime with an assortment of injuries - now 33, and after 5 years out of the sport, how can we accurately predict what he can offer this season? We can't, so I'll go ahead and assume that it's nothing, due to a lack of alternatives. (I'd dearly like to be wrong on that.) The other invitees offer little. Allred perhaps has the most talent, but after bringing in Wright and drafting J.J. Hickson and Darnell Jackson, the Cavaliers don't really need an extra big man any more.

- Dallas have given themselves a pleasant predicament. After signing Gerald Green, Keith McLeod and James Singleton spectacularly early (during the moratorium, in fact), the Mavericks then added some more players, signing JaJuan Smith, Cheyne Gadson, Reyshawn Terry and Charles Rhodes for camp. Green has a guaranteed contract, so he's in, but the rest have a problem, and there are only two spots left to fill. In this blog, I have previously mentioned how Singleton is an NBA calibre talent and a good signing for Dallas, but unfortunately for James, so is the other power forward, Charles Rhodes. Rhodes had a fine summer league, and has shown himself to be a fine candidate for this year's Craig Smith Award™ (an award annually given to the undersized power forward that either goes undrafted, or who slides into the second round, because scouts overlook their skill set, believing it to be less important than the inch or two of height that would make them ideal for their position. Formerly known as the Chuck Hayes Award.) The Mavericks don't need both players, and so it looks as though they're fighting for one spot. Working in Singleton's favour is that Rhdoes largely duplicates Dallas's other power forward backup, Brandon Bass; working against Singleton is the fact that he's four years older than Rhodes. Neither can play centre, and so the Mavericks can't really keep both, so there's a legitimately interesting training camp battle for you there. As for the guards, JaJuan Smith's sweet jumpshot stands him in good stead for a spot on the guard roster as a shooter off of the bench, as does the inherent uselessness of Keith McLeod. (Gadson is irrelevant.) Reyshawn Terry may play in the NBA one day, but he chose the wrong year to come over, because Devean George just took his spot for no real reason. Sham's prediction: Singleton beats out Rhodes due to him having guaranteed money, and Smith makes it as the 15th man. But this won't be the last time we see Charles Rhodes in the NBA.

- The Denver Nuggets often make signings that fill one of two criteria - veterans for the veteran's minimum, and players that are widely disliked. They achieved both this summer, as they signed Ruben Patterson, Smush Parker, Mateen Cleaves, Juwan Howard, Nick Fazekas and James Mays for training camp. Given Denver's tendency to go with only 13 players due to their self-inflicted payroll concerns, it seems tough for anyone of the above to get in, given that the Nuggets had 13 players under contract already, but the proposed Jamaal Tinsley trade may open up one spot, and Sonny Weems is not certain to make it, albeit probable. The Tinsley trade, should it go down, will spell doom for Parker and Cleaves, whose chances of making the team are miniscule anyway. Fazekas has NBA talent, but doesn't seem to have made the best choice of training camp to join. Howard is D-U-N done, and hopefully Denver aren't too attatched to the sentimentality that accompanies his return to the team. Patterson is also returning to one of his former teams, and he's got to be somewhat fresh, after his career best 2006/07 season with Milwaukee went largely by the wayside. (He has only played in 20 games since then, while on an unguaranteed minimum salary contract with the Clippers last season. This is the sort of thing that will happen when you're on the sex offenders register - you need to be more than marginal to get into the NBA.) And Mays always has Top Gear to fall back on. Sham's prediction: Ask me after the Tinsley deal. If there isn't one made, expect nothing, because there just isn't the money for it.

- Detroit brought back their former draft pick Alex Acker for training camp, and that's it. Boo them. Boo them loudly. Boo them now. Sham's prediction: who cares. Detroit highly rated Acker a few years ago after picking him with the last pick in 2005, but he did nothing for Barcelona last year with plenty of opportunities. At least he's not Lindsey Hunter, though.

- Golden State's training camp signings were made well in advance of this great day, with Rob Kurz, DeMarcus Nelson, Dion Dowell and Anthony Morrow all signing nice and early. But, ever eager, they added two more to that list, bringing journeyman point guard Dan Dickau and love machine Justin Williams in as well. Sham's prediction: The Warriors need a point guard in the worst way, but Dickau is the only one of the bunch. He's had a modicum of success in the NBA before, but only on a bad Hornets team, and he also apparently has a bad back right now. Nelson might make the team as a point guard defender, but he has no offense for the position. Dowell and Kurz add little, but Morrow may be a useful shooter off the bench, even if the depth chart is against him. Williams has a shot at making it, if only for his genuine size on a team bereft of much of that. But he hasn't developed much. I'm going to call it as being Dickau and Williams that make it, with Morrow not far behind, and I fully expect to be wrong on this.

- Houston has very little money to spend, and few spots to spend it on, but they've played the training camp game anyway, and God bless them for that. Along with bringing in their draft pick, Joey Dorsey, to a first round sized-contract, their camp signings are off-guard Von Wafer and late blooming big man Marcus Campbell. The Dorsey signing gives them 13 guaranteed contracts, with Mike Harris and D.J. Strawberry also on the team with unguaranteed deals, and there may also be Dikembe Mutombo to add to that. The Rockets are also tiptoeing around the tax, so it looks bleak for those on the cusp. Sham's prediction: Doesn't look good for Wafer or Campbell. Strawberry was acquired specifically for his unguaranteed salary, which has bad news written all over it. And despite the Rockets' like of Harris, his unguaranteed deal may be more useful to them than whatever few minutes he gets. But he might make it if Dikembe doesn't return. A dump-type trade of Steve Francis, Luther Head or Chuck Hayes (less likely) might open things up for somebody, but such a trade would be sought out only to save money.

- Indiana's lone camp signing was their former figure of hate and love, Justin Frazier. We can make a teeny weeny allowance for their almost total ignorance of the training camp phenomena, because a summer of decent trading has left them with already 16 guaranteed contracts for only 15 spots, and probably regretting their decision to take out Stephen Graham's team option. Sham's prediction: Croshere didn't look like he had much left last season anyway, and while a redux of his would be nice, there isn't the room for him here. It also doesn't look good for Graham, who just isn't required on the Pacers right now. Also note - if the Jamaal Tinsley for Chucky Atkins and Steven Hunter trade goes down as reported, as expected, then the Pacers again have to cut or move someone with guaranteed money. If they can't get Denver to take back Graham or Josh McRoberts in the deal, then they'll have 17 contracts for 15 spots. That would pretty much be it for Graham, and it doesn't look great for McRoberts either, purely because of the numbers involved. This is unless a side move sees Shawne Williams moved on to somewhere where he hasn't worn out his welcome. (Also note: if they see enough in McRoberts to keep him, contracts be damned - and they might - then Macy O'Baston is an easy cut, in spite of his $2.2 million deal.)

- The Clippers have spent their whole season reworking their entire roster, but after Jason Williams's unexpected retirement, they suddenly have a spot to fill all over again. Always willing to play the training camp game (God bless you, Elgin Baylor), the Clippers brought in four players, ranging from underwhelming point guard Dontell Jefferson, through to journeyman centre Jelani McCoy, via forwards Curtis Sumpter and David Noel. Paul Davis also has only a $200,000 guarantee, so his spot is still available on a team with no luxury tax concerns. That said, he's probably safe - the Clippers don't really have a third point guard, but Mike Taylor can handle the role better than Jefferson could, and McCoy doesn't outclass him by enough to merit the spot over the far younger Davis, if at all. Sumpter and Noel have only each other for competition, but neither is needed. Sham's prediction: fuck it, pick one out of a hat. Jelani McCoy. There you go. (And Davis, obviously.)

- The Lakers did most of their training camp business early, signing Brandon Heath, Dwayne Mitchell and C.J. Giles long before September ended. They also brought in their second rounder of this year - Joe Crawford - and re-signed Didier Ilunga-Mbenga, the most famous jug eared half-Belgian half-Congoish 7 footer in the game today. (Note: former Clipper Josh Powell only has $200,000 guaranteed this season, and therefore is not a guarantee to make the team, but for the purposes of this paragraph, I'm treating him as though he is. He should be - he's better than the others.) You will notice that those five players are all either shooting guards or centres, which gives you a clue what the two upcoming camp battles might be. Sham's prediction: Mbenga makes the team as the unnecessary fourth string centre (for those questioning my counting ability - Bynum, Gasol, Mihm, in that order), and all of the shooting guards lose out to the incumbent Coby Karl. The only way for one of the others to make it is for Powell to duly unimpress, ro for Sun Yue to be imprisoned for heroin smuggling.

- Memphis signed Quinton Ross, which comes as a great relief to those of us out there to have posed the question, "Won't somebody PLEASE think of Quinton Ross?". Unfortuantely for us Ross fans, Quinton seems to have chosen the one team that really doesn't need a guard. (Memphis's backcourt is small, something which Ross can help with, but it's also deep, and in need of an extra shooter, which Ross doesn't bring.) The Grizzlies' other camp signings include former Blazer (for about a week) and summer league bench player, Brent Petway, and former Rockets draft pick Malick Badiane. Sham's prediction: Memphis needs a power forward, but Petway isn't it. Ross has the most talent of the three, but the numbers are against him. Badiane therefore has a chance, but the Grizzlies threw several million at Hamed Haddadi earlier this summer, thereby filling up their "project centre" quota, and doing so without Badiane, a soon to be 25 old year old man still suffering from inherent rawness, and who runs like a pre-teen girl. (Hint: it's in the wrists.)

- The finest quality that the Miami Heat possess is their ability and desire to sign everybody in the world of professional basketball, which leaves those of us obsessed with transactions nursing semi's. Having already waived Stephane Lasme and Bobby Jones earlier this summer, and signing Jason Richards and David Padgett straight after summer league, the Heat kept on playing the signing game, bringing in Eddie Basden, Matt Walsh, Omar Barlett and Tre Kelley for camp. Since then, the Heat have brought in Shaun Livingston, waiving Kelley to open up the spot. (Kelley must have been real bad, because Richards - the other excess point guard on the roster - has suffered a knee injury and won't play this year. Yet somehow the Heat would still rather have him than Kelley.) Sham's prediction: Walsh, Richards, Padgett, Barlett and Basden are all doomed since the Livingston signing, which gives the Heat 14 guaranteed contracts. The 15th man - Jamaal Magloire - has a 50% guarantee on his contract, and despite me often harping on about how poor Magloire is, he's still better than David Padgett. Any role Basden may have filled has already been filled has already been taken by Yakhouba Diawara, any role Walsh may have had has already been filled by James Jones, the Heat have four point guards already that are better than Richards (who can't take the court anyway), and Barlett.......well, he's not got guaranteed money, or NBA talent. So I don't think he's making it.

Ben Gordon's Contract Negotiations Can Be Summed Up Thusly

2008-09-30T06:50:00.003+01:00

This is Chicago Bulls general manager John Paxson, a few months after taking over as General Manager back in 2003:

This is Chicago Bulls general manager John Paxson, yesterday.

So you know he's trying.

Summer signings, round 29

2008-09-27T15:51:00.011+01:00

- The Nets figured out that they could use a point guard, given that they only have two right now, one of whom is a shooting guard. So they brought in their former player Eddie Gill, as well as GM Kiki Vanderweghe's former mistake, Julius Hodge. They also signed another old boy, Awvee Storey, as well as some fella called Brian Hamilton. Those two can now battle valiantly for two weeks for the spot of 7th small forward on the roster, before both being waived anyway. Tough life.

- Jiri Hubalek's replacement at Phoenix's training camp is a man known by the slightly superb name of Coleman Collins, who played for the Raptors in summer league. Also turning out for the Suns' camp are Robert Hite, a highly capable three point shooter, and Trey Johnson, whose name suggests that he should be.

- The Clippers added Curtis Sumpter amongst their list of camp signings, and just as I was about to write about how they still made this move after barely playing him in their summer league campaign, I then realised that it wasn't Curtis Sumpter who played for the Clippers in summer league, but Curtis Stinson! Haha! God! I bet Sumpter gets that, like, ALL the time!

- In other Clippers news, Jason Williams retired not long after signing with the team. Bugger! I was really hoping for a J-Dub Redux, so much so that I have mentioned it like 80 times. And now we won't have one. Damn shame.

- Chicago made easily the best training camp signings out of everyone, because they're the best franchise in the sport. Genius comes naturally to them, and these signings reflect that. But enough of this overused hubris - they did actually make two good signings with Elton Brown and Darius Washington, fringe NBA players who can bring something that teh team otherwise lacks, were they to make the roster. Roger Powell has far less chance of doing anything, but at least they get "hometown boy makes hometown team" stories out of it.

- Orlando made three signings of their own, with forward Jeremy Richardson, center Dwayne Jones, and point guard Mike Wilks. Three of my favourite fringe NBA players, they are. But I bet only Wilks sticks. Shame.

- Francisco Garcia somehow got a 5 year, $30 million extension from the Kings, which is basically MLE money. This after one decent year. Based on last year's play, and last year's play only, is Garcia worthy of the MLE? No, not really. He learnt how to shoot, but only to the direct detriment of his defense. Yet somehow, the Kings think that this one semi-decent season from a soon to be 27 year old backup is worth giving him a 5 year novelty oversized extension. Okay. Have fun paying him $7 million when he's 32. (Note: if Garcia tunes his game to the point where he plays the average defense that he used to play, yet keeps his fancy new jumpshot as well, then this will be fine.)

- Sammy Mejia, former draft pick of the Pistons, has signed for a Greek team named AEL 1964 Larissa, whose name derives from a joyous union of some opticians, the seminal Beatles smash "I Want To Hold Your Hand", and a 6'4 black transexual hooker. Sounds like a good night in.

- Philadelphia fully committed to this training camp idea, bringing in four players, seemingly stuck on the "R" page of their available players directory. Maureece Rice is a short fat guard who can't play point guard and who just came off a pretty damn poor senior year, Antywane Robinson is a training camp veteran small forward with an affection for his unspectacular jumpshot, Jared Reiner is a legend, and Justin Reed is trying to get back into the league after being one of the better players in the D-League last year. Those last two have a chance, depending on how deep the Sixers want to go. The Sixers also signed veteran Andre Emmett, but he has far less of a chance.

- Miami signed Eddie Basden as a energetic defensive guard with no offensive talent, and Matt Walsh as a perimeter shooter. But, considering that the Heat have already signed Koobs Diawara and James Earl Jones for those two roles, both of whoom have considerably more guaranteed money coming to them, you can probably go ahead and say with some confidence that there ain't no way in hell they're making the team. The Heat also signed Omar Barlett and Tre Kelley for camp, the kind of singings that training camp is about - a 28 year old forward so obscure that I had to translate the Polish calendar to figure out when his birthdate is, and a small guard who goes by an alias unbefitting of his style of play. Good times. I love training camp, me.

This will be the last of the summer signings posts, by the way. This is partly because news has pretty much dried up, and that most news now is just training camp signings, which will be fully documented in another post. But mainly, it's because it's not summer any more.

We'll go out with a bang. Two bangs, in fact. You're getting banged from all angles. Giggidy.

- Former Atlanta Hawks forward Hanno Mottola retired from the game last week, while in theory still at his "peak". That's bang number one.

- Bang number two; the mighty Shawn Kemp comeback, mentioned before here, is over after precisely 0 games. Kemp showed up in reasonable shape, but then stopped showing up at all. After flying home briefly to the USA - ostensibly to check that his property was fine after recent hurricanes - Kemp never came back, and the team ended the experiment, on seemingly courteous terms. To replace Kemp, the team have signed former NBA brick shithouse Brandon Hunter.

That is all. Summer officially just ended. So sayeth the Lord.

Summer signings, round 28

2008-09-27T15:51:00.009+01:00

- Continuing a recent tradition, the Knicks signed Allan Houston for training camp, seemingly not telling him at any point that he's just not going to make the roster. Don't worry, we won't call it a comeback. Their other camp signee, swingman Dan Grunfeld, has equally little chance, but he's going to enjoy his moment in the spotlight nonetheless.

- The Lakers chose to re-sign Didier Ilunga-Mbenga because he's tall and nimble, the fact that he's about to turn 28 and has never doen a damn thing be damned.

- Jamon Gordon has signed with Trikala in Greece. Insert your own yodelling reference.

- Three months after drafting him, and many weeks after pretty much all other first rounders were signed, the San Antonio Spurs finally took care of business and signed George Hill. More importantly, however, they also signed Salim Stoudamire. I'm sort of happy about this. Salim's a good player and a good fit for the Spurs, but he's now one of 18 players on a 15 man roster, and one of only a few without a guaranteed contract. Also, if San Antonio decides to keep an extra shooter - and they should - then the odds favour Desmon Farmer, a man coming off a blazingly hot season down in the D-League, and no less of a fringe NBA talent than Salim. Desmon's advantage over Stoudamire is that he is of a nromal shooting guard's height, whereas Salim is a comparative midget. With Hill now signed, Tony Parker as the lifelong starter and Jacque Vaughn here whether they like it or not, the Spurs probably won't want four guards that are 6'2 or under. And that's a damn shame.

- The Carl Landry saga is finally over, and in a really shoddy way. After maintaining for ages that they wanted the MLE (or at least, that's what we public were told), Landry and his agent Buddy Baker ended up signing a paltry 3 year, $9 million offer sheet from the Charlotte Bobcats. The Rockets matched almost instantly, scarcely able to believe their good fortune. When was the last time someone held out until training camp, and won? Carl Landry hasn't. Sasha Pavlovic didn't. Anderson Varejao didn't. So, Ben Gordon, if you're watching.....let's end the charade. In additional Rockets news, GM Daryl Morey says here that he expects Maarty Leunen to sign with a club "associated" with Efes Pilsen in Turkey. God knows what that means.

- Juan Dixon has returned to the Wizards as a half-arsed but far cheaper replacement for Roger Mason Jr, who signed with the Spurs earlier this summer. On an non-guaranteed minimum salary contract, it's a good move for Washington, but one which leaves Linton Johnson stuck on the outside as the 16th man. Damn you and your guaranteed contract, Stewie Griffin.

- Kaniel Dickens signed with Italian club Napoli way back in the day, but since that date, Napoli have found themselves in trouble for cooking the books, not paying proper taxes or pension payments. Their registration in the Italian league has since been revoked, and Dickens has left the team. He has stayed in Italy, however, and signed with Varese. Gary Forbes, another player who recently signed with Napoli, has also left the team, and is as yet unsigned.

- Former Raptors camp fodder LaVell Blanchard has signed with AEL Limassol in Cyprus. Cypriot basketball news! Right here! Get some!

- Omar Cook signed for Malaga in Spain. If you take a keen interest in those NBA players (or near-NBA players) who wind up playing for other countries because they can obtain passports based on residence (such as Jabari Smith playing for Qatar, J.R. Bremer playing for Bosnia, or Chris Kaman playing for Germany), then add this one to your list - Omar Cook has received a Montenegran passport, and will probably play for their national team once they commence international competition next year. Other eligible Montenegran players that you may have heard of include Nikola Pekovic (31st pick of the Timberwolves in this year's draft), Mladen Sekularac (2002 second round pick of Dallas, now belonging to Golden State after he was thrown into the Erick Dampier trade), Predrag Drobnjak (smelly journeyman), Zarko Cabarkapa (former Warriors first rounder whose back held him back), and Slavko Vranes (Knicks second rounder in 2003 - very tall, very bad). Good information all.

- Jiri Hubalek is the name of the man unflatteringly referred to in this post as "some white guy". That post mentions how Hubalek (going under the pseudonym of "some white guy") was to sign with the Phoenix Suns for training camp. Well, scratch that - Hubalek has instead signed with Solsonica Rieti in Italy. If you're eagerly awaiting news of who replaces him in Phoenix, wait until the next post. If you can.

- Finally, Robert Pack has packed it all in, and has been hired as an assistant coach for the Rio Grande Valley Vipers of the D-League. That right there represents the best pun that I've ever made. Pity me.

Summer signings, round 27

2008-09-26T20:21:00.001+01:00

This post also written a while before being posted.

- Alan Anderson, after unsuccessfuly trying to become Memphis's 14th guard this summer, has signed with Triumph, the Russian team that earlier signed glamour model Nenad Krstic. Anderson's backcourt team mate will be former Celtic guard J.R. Bremer, who now holds a Bosnian passport and plays for their national team. ShamSports.com - News you need to know.

- Kimani Ffriend has signed with Mersin, a team in Turkey named after former alcoholic ill-toothed midfield dynamo.

- Darnell Marcus Lamar Fizer was released by Maccabi Tel-Aviv after not recovering from the knee injury that caused him to miss the end of last year. Guaranteed cone-tracts are not necessarily a bad thing. (Bonus points if anyone spots the TV show reference there.)

- In case the Eurelijus Zukauskas news from the last update wasn't niche enough for you, here's some news of former Sonics draft pick, Paccelis Morlende. Patch has signed with Ural Great, a team in Russia. As if the team name wasn't great enough, the team plays in a town called Perm, something which I hope is enforced in the town like jury duty would be. Paccelis Morlende haircut updates to follow.

- Kings forward Shareef Abdur-Rahim announced his retirement after a long and futile effort to recouperate from a right knee injury. When the New Jersey Nets tried to make a sign and trade deal for Abdur-Rahim in August 2005, they announced the trade, and then Abdur-Rahim failed his physical because of his knee, despite having never missed a game in his NBA career because of knee trouble. The Nets were roundly mocked for this. But, you know.....I guess they were right. The trained professionals saw coming what we the public couldn't, and we held that against them. Whoops. Shareef signed with Sacramento to a five year deal after the Nets trade fell through - the Kings only got one decent year, one mediocre year, and one non-existent year out of Shareef, and now he's had to retire with two seasons left on his contract. The world owes you an apology, medical examiners.

- Stephane Lasme, recently waived by Miami, has signed with Partizan Belgrade, a Belgradian team that don't have a red star for a logo. This news will hit some Golden State Warriors fans hard, still bitter from the day that their team waived Lasme. There there. You have Rob Kurz now, for at least one more week.

- Goran Dragic finally decided to join us, signing with Phoenix for four years after completing the World's Longest Buyout©. It bears repeating that San Antonio, who originally drafted Dragic, traded him to Phoenix for roughly nothing, even though they were in need of guard help. So what does Phoenix see that San Antonio didn't? We vill zee.

- Another Spurs draft pick - forward Viktor Sanikidze - has signed with Estonian champion and former Vulcan, TU/Rock. From Estonia to Bruce Bowen's replacement. You heard it hear first. And by that, I mean you won't hear it anywhere else, because it's stupid.

- Finally, Washington signed DerMarr Johnson, Linton Johnson and Taj McCullough for training camp. If Linton gets passed over for the other two, I'll be shocked and appalled. We're all pulling for you, Linty, despite you being the 16th man on a 15 man roster.

(That count includes Juan Dixon, who we'll get to in a minute.)

Summer signings, round 26

2008-09-26T01:38:00.004+01:00

This post was written a million years before it was posted.

- Alexander Johnson has signed in the German league for Brose Baskets, so his life is basically over. (Hah! Not really, German people. Or Alexander Johnson. Or Alexander Johnson's agent. Just a little running jokes we have here. It's hilarious every time, I promise you.)

- San Antonio signed Desmon Farmer and Devin Green, to go along with their previous signings of Anthony Tolliver and Darryl Watkins . Not a bad foursome, that. Giggidy.

- Donell Taylor is to join the Bobcats for the training camp, because you can always find a use for a guard that can't make a layup or a jumpshot or pass or run an offense or do anything to an average standard on the offensive end. Or at least, I think that's right. It must be, because Lindsey Hunter keeps getting work.

- How much Eurelijus Zukauskas news is too much Eurelijus Zukauskas news? Well, since we've had none ever, I think we're still some ways short of our limit. So here I am, announcing to you that E-Zook has re-signed with Zalgiris, in his native Lithuania. (If you don't know who Eurelijus Zukauskas is, I'm generously going to tell you - he's a really big and really slow Lithuania centre who the Bucks drafted back in the mid 90's, and whose rights they still own purely as a technicality. He's like Arvydas Sabonis was in his dying days, only inferior. See! Now you've learnt, and now you can discuss him with your friends. However, I sincerely hope, but can't guarantee, that they'll still by your friends afterwards.)

- Also, how much Bulgarian league news is too much Bulgarian news? Quite frankly, it's limitless. So here's some Bulgarian league news - the mighty and insatiable Tim Pickett has signed with Lukoil Akademik, a team in the Bulgarian League. Don't tell your friends this one, though. Make it our little secret.

- Lawrence Roberts signed with Red Star Belgrade, a basketball team in Belgrade, whose team logo has a red star in it. It all makes sense when you break it down and analyse it in its most basic form.

- Matt Freije is to join the Bucks for training camp, because you can never have too many jumpshooting power forwards with weak rebounding rates. Oh, wait, yes you can. By the way, there are a lot of jumpshooting power forwards who do the rounds in the NBA these days - Freije, Malik Allen, Pat Garrity and Steve Novak to name but a few. However, almost all of them are one dimensional players who offer nothing else. Nick Fazekas, however, can also rebound to go with his jumpshot. So why's he the one on the outside looking in? He's going to get a spot with the Nuggets training camp this year, but we all know he's going to be waived, because Denver like to keep costs down. This is injustice. Add Nick Fazekas to my new campaign list (to be announced shortly).

- Mustafa Shakur signed in Spain with Tau Vitoria Ceramica Saski Baskonia (delete as applicable), where he'll replace Goran Dragic, if Goran ever completes his buyout and signs with Phoenix.

- The whistlestop Ronald Dupree World Tour Of The NBA now includes Cleveland, where he'll sign for training camp, and then be cut from.

- This article, dated September 9th, implied that Sam Cassell was to sign a new contract with the Celtics soon. But he hasn't. Make of this what you will.

- Denver rounded out their roster by signing second rounder, Sonny Weems. The subject of Weems has come up a few times now, and I've still got nothing interesting to say about him. Instead of trying, I'll cop out and not bother.

And now, ladies and gentleman, Mr Conway Twitty.

(Possibly the most amusing backing band that I've ever seen in my life.)

Do you see what I see?

2008-09-26T01:24:00.000+01:00

If only.

Dusty Baker Denies Misspelling His Daughter's Name, Or Something

2008-09-26T01:08:00.004+01:00

Cincinnati.com

Reds manager Dusty Baker took the unusual step of bringing up a rumor Wednesday to deny it.

There's been a persistent rumor floating around the Reds that Baker's 28-year-old daughter, Natosha, is dating and/or engaged to outfielder Corey Patterson.

Baker finally had enough when players on the Astros asked him about it.

There's no truth to it, Baker said. Natosha is not dating Patterson.

"She hasn't even been to Cincinnati," Baker said. "This is so far out of line. It's hurtful to my wife and daughter. How can people stoop that low? I don't know who started it. But I've been hearing from fans, players, announcers."

Heh. Awesome.

No offense to Dusty Baker, Corey Patterson or Natosha. But that's fantastic.

I want to somehow make it funnier, but I'm not sure that's possible.