24) Patrick Ewing, Michael Jordan and Chris Mullin
25) One of many Michael Jordan ones
26) Bill Walton
27) The 1999-2000 Golden State Warriors, advertising......themselves.
28) Larry Johnson, obviously
29) Gheorghe Muresan
30) Kenny Anderson
31) Scottie Pippen
32) Tayshaun Prince
(Is it just me, or does he say "I can do that because I'm a pro; Wallside can do that because they're defective"? Doesn't sound like a glowing endorsement.)
33) Richard Hamilton
34) Ben Gordon making a better effort of it than Rip did
35) Chris Andersen again
36) Darryl Dawkins
37) Jalen Rose and Kenyon Martin
38) Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, and Michael Jordan's shirt
39) More Bob Lanier, mad enough to dunk
40) Greg Oden
41) LeBron James
42) Shaquille O'Neal
43) Julian Wright and Morris Peterson
44) Hedo Turkoglu
45) Predrag Drobnjak (wasn't a real commercial, but we'll run with it)
46) Predrag Drobnjak, again
47) Predrag Drobnjak, again, again
48) Vladmanovic, from the same vein as the Drobnjak ones
49) Dikembe Mutombo back when he was ever so slightly decipherable
50) Juwan Howard, Scottie Pippen and Grant Hill (who must have demanded to be paid by the word)
51) David Robinson and Tim Duncan
52) Pau Gasol
53) Scottie Pippen (bonus points to anybody who can decipher the first line)
54) Vin Baker
55) Dan Majerle headlines a lot of white guys talking about hustle
56) Michael Jordan.....turning around.
57) Larry Bird and Grant Hill
58) Karl Malone hunting for little American chickens, with a slightly hilarious voiceover artist as his backup
59) Carmelo Anthony
60) Several guys, but mainly let's just laugh at Larry Bird, this time as he raps badly and oscillates irritatingly
61) Christian Laettner and restaurant buggerer Rick Pitino
62) Emeka Okafor
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63) More Gheorghe Muresan
64) And more (Muresan ones are not particularly cheesy, but they are fun)
65) Brent Barry
66) Brent Barry, Tim Duncan and Bruce Bowen
67) Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
68) Brent Barry, Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili again. Yes, we're doing the whole H.E.B range.
69) Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
70) Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
71) Tim Duncan
72) Brent Barry, Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
73) Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
74) Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker for a change
75) Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker
76) Brent Barry, Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
77) Brent Barry, Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili
(No more of those five now, I promise)
78) Latrell Sprewell
79) Grant Hill and Jerome Williams
80) Bob Knight, Mike Shasheffski, Rick Pitino and Roy Williams
81) John Stockton
82) Magic Johnson hitting a note he'll never hit again
83) Rip Hamilton again
84) Audible Chocolate, Jay Bilas
85) Marko Jaric with a good looking woman that is not his own
86) Jared Dudley and Sam Vincent
87) Steve Francis
88) Adam Morrison talking about how he's going to make people cry in the NBA
89) Joakim Noah, Derrick Rose, Tyrus Thomas, Aaron Gray, Kirk Hinrich, Lou Wolding and Stacey King (it's a fake advert, but I'd totally buy this)
90) Dirk Nowitzki throwing a self alley-oop which is in some way supposed to make German kids stop snorting coke
91) Martell Webster
92) Lamar Odom with a very strange cameo in a Fashion TV advert
93) Robert Horry
94) Julius Irving
95) A few commercials based around the allegation that Muggsy Bogues is kind of small, one of which has an inexplicably tenous link to the mighty Hyundai Accent:
96) Wilt Chamberlain advertising the raw throbbing power of the gutsy Volkswagen Rabbit
97) LaMarcus Aldridge
98) Jason Williams
99) Another fake commercial, this time featuring Pat Burke, Steve Nash, James Jones, Alvin Gentry and Leandro Barbosa:
And finally, the most terrible commercial of all time to have ever featured an NBA player.....
Eaton went undrafted out of Oklahoma State because he didn't have NBA talent. He joined the D-League and was assigned to the Tulsa 66ers, but he plaayed in only 2 games, totalling 1 point, 1 assists and 5 turnovers. Tulsa then released him in December. The fact that he's 5'10 and 260lbs might be why:
Former Timberwolves draft pick Ebi spent last year in Italy's SerieA, but this year downgraded to LegaDue, the division below. (Why LegaDue is not called SerieB, I do not know.) The obvious benefit there is to Ebi's numbers, and he's responded with averages of 16.1 points, 13.4 rebounds, 3.1 steals, 1.4 blocks and 1.3 assists per game. He leads Rimini in rebounds (with no one else having more than 4.5), steals and blocks, and is second in points only to Carlton Myers.
Carlton Myers used to be one of the best scorers in Italy, averaging over 20ppg in SerieA for about 26 years. Myers has played all but 7 games of his 19 year career in Italy and turns 39 in late March, so he's a long way out of his prime, but even at this ripe old age he is scoring a very efficient 17 ppg at a decent standard of basketball. This is not comparable to his best, though, for Carlton Myers once scored 87 points in a SerieA game. This occurred as recently as 1995, and here's a, uh, really awkward video of some of it.
Carlton Myers is pretty much an Italian, despite the name, being born to an Italian mother and spending basically his whole life there. However, he was born in London, as was Ndudi Ebi. Rimini also boast another Englishman, Mike Bernard, a former South Florida bench player and English international. Because of this trio, Basket Crabs Rimini are my favourite Italian second division. Also factoring into that decision is the fact that their name is Crabs Rimini.
Former Sacramento Kings draft pick Corsley Edwards is in China....or he was, until he broke his finger this week and returned home. On the season, Edwards is averaging 29.3 points, 8.3 points and 2.7 assists in 39 minutes per game, shooting 55% from the field, 69% from three point range (somehow) and 78% from the line. Included in there was a 50 point outing and a 47 point outing, and in 15 games he never scored less than 20. Pretty good, Corsley. Pretty good.
John Edwards spent two years in the NBA. He signed as an undrafted free agent out of Kent State with the Pacers in 2004, played spot minutes in 25 games, and then the Hawks signed him to an inexplicable two year, $2.08 million contract in the summer of 2005. After one year with Atlanta - in which he totalled 70 points, 48 rebounds and 76 fouls - the Hawks traded him back to the Pacers as filler in the Al Harrington deal. The Pacers then waived him, and after a training camp contract with the Timberwolves in 2007, that was it for John Edwards in the NBA.
Edwards has spent two of the last three years in the D-League, seemingly aware that the knock on him is his "rawness." Last year for the Sioux Falls Skyforce, Edwards averaged 9.3 and 6.9 rebounds in 21 minutes per game, fairly sedate numbers for a centre-starved league. Those numbers are particularly sedate when you consider that Edwards is now 28 years old. You can't be raw forever.
He did not initially return to the D-League this year, instead signing with Kolossos Rhodes in Greek's AI League. In theory, he was going to provide an NBA calibre frontcourt along with recent Heat draft pick, Robert Ntoziep. In practice, though, he was not very good. Edwards played only 36 minutes on the entire season, totalling 12 points, 5 rebounds and 8 fouls. Kolossos then waived him and signed David Monds as his replacement.
This was only the second time in his career that John Edwards has signed outside of America, and after his release he returned to what he knows best, joining the Bakersfield Jam of the D-League. In 5 games Edwards is averaging 7.2 points, 4.4 rebounds, 4.0 fouls and 1.8 turnovers per game. He's the same player that he ever was. And therein lies the problem.
After being sufficiently badass enough to win the Eurocup single handedly (kind of) for Lietuvos Rytas last season, Eidson went where the money was and signed for Maccabi Tel-Aviv. In the Israeli league he is averaging 10.2 points, 3.7 rebounds and 3.5 assists, alongside 13.1 points, 4.5 rebounds and 2.8 assists per game in the Euroleague. Maccabi fans kind of hate him at times, but then again, Maccabi fans kind of hate everything at times.
This time last year, Eisley was working for the Nets for free as a "coaching associate", which is basically a player development coach. Having no evidence to the contrary, I am going to assume that he's still there.
Former Maryland and Atlanta Hawks big man Ekezie last played in April 2007. In February 2008 he established a new online venture called ZeepTravel, with the aims of being Nigeria's primary travel portal. Here is Ekezie talking about it.
Drexel offshoot Elegar, who made his name with a strong showing at the Portsmouth Invitational in 2008, is signed in Turkey. Playing for Bornova, The Elegarnce averages 12.5 points, 7.1 rebounds and 1.5 blocks per game.
Elegar has a teammate called Ihsan Yalcin Azizmahmutogullari. An anagram of that is oh shut up.
Before Omri Casspi came Lior Eliyahu. Yahoo, an athletic Israeli forward whose rights are owned by the Houston Rockets, left his native Israel this summer and joined Caja Laboral in Spain. The side effect of that has been a dramatic decline in playing time; Eliyahu averages 17.9 minutes per game in the Euroleague, but only 12.8 minutes per game in the ACB. He averages 7.1/3.6 in the Euroleague and 4.4/1.8 in the ACB.
George Washington product Elliott spent the first two years of his previous career with the Sioux Falls Skyforce and Fort Wayne Mad Ants of the D-League. This summer, however, he gave it all up and moved abroad, to the basketball hotbed that is Finland. Hmmmm. I'm not up to date on the salary structure of Finnish basketball, nor am I even out of date with it, but I can't imagine it pays a whole lot better than the D-League. And the standard isn't better.
Elliott is playing for the deliciously named Honka Playboys, the team better known for producing the mighty Petteri Koponen. He is averaging 17.9 points, 4.4 rebounds, 2.8 assists and 2.7 steals per game, shooting 50% from the field and 26% from three point range.
Another Skyforce ex, Ellis started the year in Uruguay playing for a team called Union Atletica, where he paired up with former NBA player Art Long. Ellis averaged 11.7 points and 8.6 rebounds in 7 games; Long is averaging 15.4/9.9 through 14. Ellis has since moved to the Ukraine, which is about as far away from Uruguay as you can get geographically, if not alphabetically. He has played one game for his new team, Dnipro, totalling 2 points, 6 rebounds and 3 turnovers.
Tyrone Ellis, Southern Nazarene's finest, is spending his third season with Cajasol Sevilla in Spain's ACB. He is averaging 11.3 points and not much else on the season, shooting 42% from the field and 40% from three point range. Ellis takes 6 three pointers a game, which gives you some idea of his role on the team.
Ellis holds a Georgian passport, one obtained through those hitherto unexplained means that sometimes seem to befall decent American players in Europe. [Georgia is a country, by the way. Zaza Pachulia plays for them.] Another American Georgian passport holder is Shammond Williams; both Ellis and Williams have had the common decency to at play for the national team of the country whose generous gift of a passport greatly enhanced their basketball careers. That's the way it should be, Dan Dickau.
Dowell is signed in Israel, putting up numbers quite impressively similar to those of his senior season in college. He's playing for Altshuler Saham Galil Gilboa - a team that really needs to settle upon one name only - and is averaging 9.6 points, 4.8 rebounds, 0.5 assists, 1.4 blocks and 1.5 steals per game.
There are two types of players in Israel; Israelis and Americans. That's it. Despite Israel being kind of in Europe, there are only a handful of non-Israeli European players in the league. And by "a handful," I mean "two." The breakdown of the nationalities of players on Israeli league rosters, according to Eurobasket.com, goes like this;
- 60 thoroughbred Israelis
- 50 thoroughbred Americans
- 7 Americans with dual Israeli citizenship due to residency (Chris Watson, Jason Thomas, Jeron Roberts, Shawn Weinstein, David Bluthenthal, Derrick Sharp, and ex-NBA player Cory Carr)
- 1 Australian (Julian Khazzouh)
- 1 player born in Belarus, but who has lived in Israel since childhood, goes by an Israeli name, and who holds a dual Israeli passport (Vladimir Yiermish/Vladi Ermichin)
- 1 Welshman who has played in Israeli since he was a teenager and who holds an Israeli passport (Tal Michael Dunne)
- 1 hybrid who was born in Sarajevo to Serbian and Bosnian parents, whose family fled to Israel during the war, and who then moved to America, but who considers himself Israeli (Robert Rothbart; read his quite amazing story here)
- ......and 1 thoroughbred Serbian (Sasa Bratic)
I don't know if it's all just a big coincidence, politically motivated, or because of some instilled belief that American players bring a level of flair that other countries can't match (a belief which does exist in portions of the continent). But whatever it is, it's a pretty jarring conclusion. 123 of the 126 players in the Israeli league hold either an American or an Israeli passport. If it's diversity they want, it's diversity they did not get.
Heat draft pick Robert Dozier is American, but he's not in Israel. Instead, he's signed in Greece, which means he has to spell his name weirdly due to the Greek alphabet that I don't understand. (This is primarily because I have made no attempt to.) Known in Greece by what reads on the back of his jersey as being a bit like "Robert Ntoziep", Dozier is playing for Kolossos Rhodes, and averaging 9.4 points and 6.2 rebounds per game. That's "R" as in "Robert Ntoziep," "O" as in "Oh my God, it's Robert Ntoziep"........et cetera.
Until recently, Jazz draft pick Tadija Dragicevic was a member of Crvena Zvezda in Zagreb, and the team he's been with for his whole life. A team captain, Dragicevic left the team during the summer, but return just before the season's start, and was once again the team's best player. He averaged 13.8 points and 2.8 rebounds per game in the Eurocup, alongside 12.6 points and 4.5 rebounds per game in the Adriatic League.
However, Dragicevic left Red Star last week. And this time, he actually did it. Like the rest of the team, Dragicevic wasn't being paid, so he left the team and signed with Lottomatica Roma in Italy. In doing so, Dragicevic agreed to forego the 120,000 Euros that Red Star still owed him. That was pretty magnanimous of him.
It was my very great pleasure to watch Dragicevic a few times at Crvena Zvezda this year. He is a very polished offensive player. He can drive, shoot and post, to great effect and with poise, grace, charm, penache and refinement. However, he can't defend anybody. And he never could.
Despite signing with the Denver Nuggets for training camp - which would boost any man's CV - Draper finds himself in only the Italian second division this season. Playing for Prima Veroli, Draper averages 15.8 points, 3.0 rebounds, 3.1 assists and 2.8 steals per game, shooting 50% from the field, 43% from three point range and 79% from the line. Draper signed as a replacement for Dawan Robinson, who got hurt in October and who still hasn't returned. Yet despite those statistics, Robinson doesn't lead the team in a single category. Not even steals. We'll find out more when we get to H.
Former Nets draft pick Drejer signed a 3 year deal with Lottomatica Roma in August 2007, but played only 6 games with the team before retiring due to chronic ankle problems. He was aged only 25 and has been out of the game since. Earlier this month, Drejer started a comeback when he rejoined SISU, the team he played for before he went to Florida. However, Drejer announced this comeback in the same week that SISU announced that they were perilously close to bankrupcy and stated letting players leave. So it's too early to say if it's been a success.
Drejer's wife is called Nadia. Here they are going at it.
Drobnjak was in Turkey last year, where he played 4 Euroleague games for Efes Pilsen but didn't appear in a single Turkish league game. Since playing about 20 minutes all season didn't really do much for him, Drobnjak moved to Greece and signed with PAOK Thessaloniki. On the season he is averaging 8.8 points and 4.1 rebounds in 21 minutes per game, albeit shooting only 21% from three point range.
I am currently compiling a list of 100 Chessy And/Or Terrible Commericals Featuring NBA Players. Submit any you may have. The following advert doesn't really fit the criteria, given that it's not a real advert. But here it is anyway.
When Peja Drobnjak agreed to do an advert that featured him saying the phrase "spray me with the water," he knew the Sonics wanted him to do it just so that we could laugh at him, right? Hopefully. If he did, I'm happy to laugh along with him. If he didn't, I'll just feel bad.
Alabama product Dudley is spending his fifth season with Turk Telekom. He's been there so long that he now goes by the name Ersin Dagli. True story. On the season, Dagli is averaging 11.3 points and 5.6 rebounds per game in the Turkish league, alongside 13.2 points and 8.0 rebounds in the Eurocup. Impressively, Dudley has shot 150 field goals in the Turkish league compared to only 19 foul shots, which is Malik Allen like in its one sidedness. He shoots more jumpshots now, as you can probably tell.
Duenas retired in 2007, aged 32. He now works for Barcelona in some capacity, but my Spanish isn't very good so I can't tell you what it is. I could tell you what the Spanish for "milk wench" is, but Roberto Duenas is not a milk wench. Not yet.
In researching that underwhelming stanza, I was alerted to the presence of the Spanish word "desquitarse." Easily my favourite Spanish word of all time.
After a summer that I've already talked about way too much, Duncan moved to Belgium and joined Liege. He is averaging 11.8 points, 4.7 rebounds and 3.3 fouls per game in the Belgian league, as well 6.2 points, 3.3 rebounds and 3.3 fouls in the EuroChallenge.
Dunston is spending his second season in Korea, where he's so much stronger than most other players that his comparative lack fo height and athleticism for a post man doesn't really matter. He is averaging 14.8 points, 8.0 rebounds and 2.2 blocks in 25 minutes per game for Mobis Phoebus.
Korean league rules allow each team to have only two imports, and the two can't play together at the same time. This means that Dunston has to share the court time with Phoebus's other import, Aaron Haynes, another 6'7 forward who averages 12.3 points and 4.8 rebounds in 21 minutes per game. This makes Dunston's minutes rather inconsistent, and are the reason why he plays only half the game despite his excellent per minute numbers. Import players go to Korea anyway though because of the great pay and the many many games.
Dupree went to an NBA training camp this year, marking the seventh straight year he has been in a training camp. He lost out on a spot on the Jazz team to Wesley Matthews, and after that he moved to Germany. In the German league, Doop averages 11.7 points and 4.6 rebounds per game, while in the Eurocup he averages 9.4 points, 3.8 rebounds and 3.4 fouls. He's shooting 41% from three point range in the German league, and 17% in the Eurocup.
An Israeli league-style breakdown of the German league's diversity will follow another day, regardless of whether you want it or not.
Sham is a miserable and self-effacing little bastard, whose basketball opinions are often riddled with bias, insecurity, and rank immaturity. He has also never played the sport, and the only game he has ever been to see was a Ware Rebels game back in 2001. The night bus didn't show up and he had to walk the 9 miles home. It was after this that his passion for basketball really took off.
He considers himself to be Britain's foremost NBA expert, an arbitrary title that carries with it no basis in fact, or any worldly significance. He also wrote this section of the website in third person narrative, purely for reasons of arrogance.
Copyright ShamSports.com, 2005-2009. Every published word on this website
is copyrighted to the website's owner, including (but not limited to)
the really stupid ones that I wish I'd never written.
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