Funny names are funny, and the idea of bracketing a bunch of them is not new. The Name of the Year competition started back in 1983, before the author of this bracket was even a sperm, and that baton has been passed to new ownership, who last year awarded Leo Moses Spornstarr the 2013 winner of the world's ultimate accolade. Inspired by, and in homage to, this decades long legacy of doing God's work, there hereby follows the first definitely-not-going-to-be-annual Ridiculous Basketball Player Names Tournament Bracket, featuring basketball players of different sizes and calibre, of players both current and retired, male and female, and professional and amateur, from all around the globe.
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As can be seen above, the bracket accords with the March Madness tournament bracket style, except arguably with less arbitrary divisions for the regionals. Things of note:
* No consideration is given to a player's current status. Some are long since retired, and some never even went pro. Yet it matters not - if you were a basketball player to an organised standard (e.g. college, its equivalents, and above), whose existence, career and name can be found, you count.
* All names are verifiably true via other internet resources, and links to such are given where necessary. In one instance, there exists only one reference to the person on the entire internet. But it will do. Play along.
* Names considered but which ultimately did not make the cut include Bak Bak, Corperryale L'Adorable Harris (better known as NBA guard Manny Harris), Courtney Van Beest, Duany Duany, Duke Crews, Dustin Dibble, Fab Melo, Four McGlynn, Isaac Butts, Jordan Noblitt, Marc and Myles Loving, Matt Haryasz, O.J. Mayo, Scooter Gillette, Tommy Gunn and Wanaah Bail.
* Seedings are somewhat arbitrary and open to much conjecture, as is unavoidable, but were created via consultation with others (who I supposed you could term a selection committee). Some of this consultation came with my girlfriend, who, if she had her own way, would anoint Ebenezer Noonoo as the winner without any need for a competition and have done with it. She laughed at that name for about four hours. Additionally, The Starter's Trey Kerby helped formulate the final selections, for he is the sole arbiter of comedy.
To the matchups!
THE "WHAT THE HELL?" REGIONAL
(1) Grienntys Chief Kickingstallionsims v (16) Indiana Faithfull:
In what's expected to be a typically landslidey 1 v 16 matchup, former Alabama State centre Kickingstallionsims - currently playing professionally in Saudi Arabia - matches up against current Wofford backup shooting guard Faithfull. Faithfull might win some votes from Hoosier fans, yet the outstanding novelty value and unrelenting length of the Chief's fearsomely long name surely reigns supreme.